Author Topic: I wrote a piece for CBC about Fire and the online hate towards it, check it out!  (Read 6951 times)

Metalcat

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Lol. Yep, for the brief time I was on Bogleheads before the sexism drove me out, I was gender neutral and always, always assumed to be a man, and I got so many comments about my "poor wife" and how I'm basically a dictator who won't let her have anything nice. And I how she'll probably end up leaving me for someone less stingy.

*Looks over at my 6 figure earning husband who is decidedly more frugal and happier than I am*

It's crazy the assumptions people make. It gives you a view inside their heads and the imaginary pressures they must have on themselves.

It just makes me sad for the realities that these people live in.

And I guarantee you if it was the other way around, with me adapting to his prior high-spend lifestyle, not a single person would say Oh look at that horrible guy forcing her to live such a wasteful and excessive lifestyle against her beliefs, even though that would be a terrible experience for me.

No fucking doubt.

It's crazy how the hostility towards you is so much worse than the hostility in articles about couples who have gotten themselves into crippling debt.

Sure, those articles have a lot of nasty comments because they all do, but they're also FILLED with people waving away consumerism with "but cost of living!"

So we know for a fact that if you wrote an article about how expensive it is to survive in one of the most expensive regions of the country and that's why you're the age you are with tons of debt and no hope of ever owning a home, people would likely be A LOT nicer to you.

TreeLeaf

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Well done on both your savings path and a great article!

THANK YOU for mentioning the gendered criticisms! I think as a society we've built an unhealthy association between things we spend money on and our sense of identity. The idea that a person needs to eat meat and drive a truck in order to be a man, or regularly go to the salon for fake nails and lashes to be a woman is just weird.

Right? I have NEVER in my life had my appearance so brutally critiqued as when I started doing FIRE stuff on video, and I am really just a normal-looking person, but clearly too ugly for tv, lol. Print and radio is really the way to go if you're anything other than super-attractive. And because our lifestyle stuff involved mainly changes on the part of my boyfriend (who grew up affluent and high-spending), I've never managed to dispel the idea that I'm some sort of horrible harpy dictator forcing the FIRE lifestyle on him and depriving him of everything good in life.

It is kind of interesting online sometimes to see the difference in response when people think I'm a girl versus a guy. I'm pretty active on Reddit with a gender-neutral username and virtually every time I post people assume I'm a dude from the get-go. FYI I apparently I make a terrible boyfriend because I deprive my partner of a budget for beauty treatments, among other things.

Lol. Yep, for the brief time I was on Bogleheads before the sexism drove me out, I was gender neutral and always, always assumed to be a man, and I got so many comments about my "poor wife" and how I'm basically a dictator who won't let her have anything nice. And I how she'll probably end up leaving me for someone less stingy.

*Looks over at my 6 figure earning husband who is decidedly more frugal and happier than I am*

It's crazy the assumptions people make. It gives you a view inside their heads and the imaginary pressures they must have on themselves.

It just makes me sad for the realities that these people live in.

lol

If anything this shows you what the male experience is like.

I am very feminine looking and normally get catcalled by men IRL a couple times a year while I am out walking around. It's never completely clear to me if these are straight men misidentifying me as an attractive woman or gay men hitting on me.

It's always a little disturbing but I think if I were a female it would be sort of terrifying.

Serendip

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I'm much happier now that I have reverted to being feral. I do get negative comments about my appearance - but only ever from people who are one step away from being destitute.  My more moneyed friends (whose lifestyles are spendier than mine, but who aren't in a state of financial stress) seem to understand that if my hair is windblown and I'm covered in mud (ie: most of the time), it's because I'm having a great day of frolicking outside.

amen to that.

And congrats @Zikoris --you two are a wonderful example and inspiration!

ixtap

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Heck with strangers, my FIL isn't thrilled that this overweight hippy enthralled his son and is now mooching off of him while forcing him to live her sub standard lifestyle (where the standard is set by the upper middle class). Nevermind that he himself had a stay at home spouse most of his career and his son is comfortably semi retired in his 30's.

Just Joe

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As I get older, the Matrix wasn't just a movie. People really do live in it and attack people who are pulling the plug. You're doing a great job. The incredible amount of opposition I'm reading in your story only proves these facts.

Just wait until AI is active in the comments sections of some websites - for reasons unknown. (Political agenda?)

I really enjoy articles like these. When I've stumbled across them it makes me wonder "okay, how did they do it? I might want to do the same..."

Don't understand why anyone would attack someone doing well for themselves and not hurting anyone else in the process - but clearly it happens.

phildonnia

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From the article:
Quote
...we're horrible people for living in a cheaper rental that someone more "deserving" should have...

Wow, that is one of the stupidest argument against frugality I've heard, but come to think of it, I can totally imagine certain people I know saying that.  The same people who also hate on wealthy people for living in sprawling suburban mini-mansions.

Economically, the argument doesn't make sense.  If you live in a cheaper dwelling, that (in a small way) lowers the price of larger dwellings, and makes them less profitable. Which should, in a free market, lead to construction of more modest and affordable housing. 

So... really, you're doing your part to solve the housing crisis, and make housing more affordable for all. 

MgoSam

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I love how one of the top comments to this is hating you for daring to mention the responses you got. Can't ever win....

stoaX

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From the article:
Quote
...we're horrible people for living in a cheaper rental that someone more "deserving" should have...

Wow, that is one of the stupidest argument against frugality I've heard, but come to think of it, I can totally imagine certain people I know saying that.  The same people who also hate on wealthy people for living in sprawling suburban mini-mansions.

Economically, the argument doesn't make sense.  If you live in a cheaper dwelling, that (in a small way) lowers the price of larger dwellings, and makes them less profitable. Which should, in a free market, lead to construction of more modest and affordable housing. 

So... really, you're doing your part to solve the housing crisis, and make housing more affordable for all.

Agreed. It always surprises me how quick people are to tell others how to live.