Author Topic: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps  (Read 3496 times)

A Fella from Stella

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Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« on: June 27, 2019, 08:44:57 PM »
Okay, I have one kid who works, and three who are 8-13, so for 6 weeks they were going to go to the YMCA camp at a cost of $7,300, charged to the card we just paid off and got rid of (they have it on file).

2 weeks later, my wife negotiates to work 4/10's Mon-Thurs, and I put in for telework Mon & Weds.

We got a full refund.

So instead of spending the summer paying off the $7,300 we will kill more debt.

Also, as a test to see how they do at home without us, I left a very short list of chores each day this week that say "No TV or computer until........." Today, they (1) cleaned the dining room [with set parts for each kid], (2) wrote a b-day card to their Great Aunt, and (3) gave the guinea pig an orange slice.

They did not like the chores, but they also did not fight after getting too bored of the TV/computer (we only have 1 of each).

One of the days they had to fold all the laundry and put it away, and then each had to take a shower.

I'm keeping it simple, and it's seeming to work.

I am also increasing their allowances of the extra chores.

aneel

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2019, 05:08:59 AM »
This is AWESOME!

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2019, 06:05:57 AM »
Thanks, was stressed about the $7300 reset, but didn't feel like I had another option. They'd hate being at home, and the camp would have been fun.

Fishindude

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2019, 08:14:26 AM »
Good for you!
Summer camp seems like one of those things required to keep up with the Jones's.   The neighbors sent their kids and were talking it all up at the cookout last week, so we should send our kids, if we can afford it or not.   No doubt it could be a good experience for your kids, but this is a luxury like buying a boat or other toy and should only be done with disposable cash, not put on credit.

Take your kids camping yourself or do some fun weekends at a fraction of the expense.

Candace

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2019, 08:28:30 AM »
Definitely agree it should be done with disposable cash. I would think that most parents on this board will find other ways of getting their kids the growth experiences their kids will benefit from.

I was lucky. My parents had the money to send me away to sleep-away camp for a couple of summers when I was middle-school aged. (They probably thought they were lucky to get rid of me, too.) Looking back, those experiences were key in my emotional development. They enabled me to develop coping skills and the ability to live life without my parents around. I have friends now whose kids really needed to develop those skills and never did. Both the kids and the parents are paying for that now. The kids aren't independent adults, partially because their parents -- out of an abundance of love -- made things too easy for them and never let them become independent emotionally. I don't mean to imply the OP is going down that path, or that sleep-away camp or day camp is the only way to enable kids to mature. There are a ton of ways to do that, and most of them don't involve taking on debt.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2019, 09:12:21 AM »
So, this was actually day camp - like babysitting with more structure and people.

Either way, though, I'm so relieved that the risk of them being bored is the big thing here. They'll have to figure it out. Bored? The 3 of you can walk to the store, the library, out in town where you can explore a few stores or even get lunch like adults.

Fighting? Chore Time! Oh, what's that? You're working it out? Good, that'll come in handy after the living room is picked up and vacuumed.

slappy

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2019, 09:40:27 AM »
So, this was actually day camp - like babysitting with more structure and people.

Either way, though, I'm so relieved that the risk of them being bored is the big thing here. They'll have to figure it out. Bored? The 3 of you can walk to the store, the library, out in town where you can explore a few stores or even get lunch like adults.

Fighting? Chore Time! Oh, what's that? You're working it out? Good, that'll come in handy after the living room is picked up and vacuumed.

Haha. This is great! We have a SAHP so don't really need summer camp, but we put out kiddo in a part time camp for a couple of weeks just to give our SAHD a break. It was no where near $7300 though. Only $250 for the two weeks because it's only half days. We have two other kids, but they aren't old enough for camp yet.

I totally agree with the other poster about keeping up with the Joneses'. Around me, kids who don't have SAHPs go to the Y for after care for kindergarten. Of course everyone raves about how great it is and I started to worry that my kid would really be missing out by not going. But for $500 a month, I'll pass. Great deal for working parents who are cutting down from full time daycare to part time aftercare, but not great for parents who have a SAHP.

BeanCounter

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2019, 09:52:58 AM »
We have a summer nanny. Two years ago the kids and the nanny started to struggle week after week of being at home. Even with a swim and tennis club in our backyard. So since then we do a summer schedule- two weeks at home, one week of a camp. And we switch up the camps. This has been the best solution. I agree that it is good for kids to be bored, but only for so long. After this summer you might want to consider a couple weeks of camp to kind of "reset" being at home for ten weeks straight. Especially if you have one parent trying to telecommute part of the time.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2019, 11:13:48 AM »
We have a summer nanny. Two years ago the kids and the nanny started to struggle week after week of being at home. Even with a swim and tennis club in our backyard. So since then we do a summer schedule- two weeks at home, one week of a camp. And we switch up the camps. This has been the best solution. I agree that it is good for kids to be bored, but only for so long. After this summer you might want to consider a couple weeks of camp to kind of "reset" being at home for ten weeks straight. Especially if you have one parent trying to telecommute part of the time.

Two summers ago we had a young lady from 8 to noon to get the kids to morning programs, and give them lunch before she left. They really liked her, and it worked out well.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2019, 11:17:30 AM »
So, this was actually day camp - like babysitting with more structure and people.

Either way, though, I'm so relieved that the risk of them being bored is the big thing here. They'll have to figure it out. Bored? The 3 of you can walk to the store, the library, out in town where you can explore a few stores or even get lunch like adults.

Fighting? Chore Time! Oh, what's that? You're working it out? Good, that'll come in handy after the living room is picked up and vacuumed.

.......the Y for after care for kindergarten...............But for $500 a month, I'll pass. Great deal for working parents who are cutting down from full time daycare to part time aftercare, but not great for parents who have a SAHP.

We did nursery school at the YMCA for our youngest, and liked it much better than the church ones. However, it was going to be $10,000, so my wife got a PT job at the Y, we put the 50% off tuition for the year on our JetBlue card, and 3 weeks later when the new budget had to reduce everyone's hours a bit, she generously resigned.

Still, it was expensive, but she's in 3rd grade next year and seems to be a bit ahead of where our other kids were.

BeanCounter

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2019, 11:34:24 AM »
We have a summer nanny. Two years ago the kids and the nanny started to struggle week after week of being at home. Even with a swim and tennis club in our backyard. So since then we do a summer schedule- two weeks at home, one week of a camp. And we switch up the camps. This has been the best solution. I agree that it is good for kids to be bored, but only for so long. After this summer you might want to consider a couple weeks of camp to kind of "reset" being at home for ten weeks straight. Especially if you have one parent trying to telecommute part of the time.

Two summers ago we had a young lady from 8 to noon to get the kids to morning programs, and give them lunch before she left. They really liked her, and it worked out well.

We have a summer nanny as I said and an after school nanny. It is more than after school programs or camps, but my kids like being home so much better and enjoy having a relationship with the college age nanny. I also think it's great to be employing a young person who is using the money toward tuition and books. Both girls are a wonderful addition to our family and have told us over and over again it's the best job they've ever had. It's a win for everyone.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2019, 12:28:13 PM »
We have a summer nanny. Two years ago the kids and the nanny started to struggle week after week of being at home. Even with a swim and tennis club in our backyard. So since then we do a summer schedule- two weeks at home, one week of a camp. And we switch up the camps. This has been the best solution. I agree that it is good for kids to be bored, but only for so long. After this summer you might want to consider a couple weeks of camp to kind of "reset" being at home for ten weeks straight. Especially if you have one parent trying to telecommute part of the time.

Two summers ago we had a young lady from 8 to noon to get the kids to morning programs, and give them lunch before she left. They really liked her, and it worked out well.

We have a summer nanny as I said and an after school nanny. It is more than after school programs or camps, but my kids like being home so much better and enjoy having a relationship with the college age nanny. I also think it's great to be employing a young person who is using the money toward tuition and books. Both girls are a wonderful addition to our family and have told us over and over again it's the best job they've ever had. It's a win for everyone.

Being home is so much better, I think. I feel like at least every other week there's a day where the kid just wants to retreat to their room, or take a shower, or whatever.

They could even have a neighbor over instead of waiting for the weekend while being forced to hang with the daycare friends.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2019, 02:10:34 PM »
Good for you!
Summer camp seems like one of those things required to keep up with the Jones's.   The neighbors sent their kids and were talking it all up at the cookout last week, so we should send our kids, if we can afford it or not.   No doubt it could be a good experience for your kids, but this is a luxury like buying a boat or other toy and should only be done with disposable cash, not put on credit.

Take your kids camping yourself or do some fun weekends at a fraction of the expense.

For us and for most other working parents, summer camp is not a luxury.  I can't legally leave my 10 and 7 year old children at home by themselves and we both work FT outside the home so we send them to day camp all summer long apart from a few weeks of vacation with us.  Luckily, we've found a very inexpensive simple but fun day camp where a lot of their friends go too.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #13 on: June 28, 2019, 03:26:41 PM »
My ex and his wife are teachers who live in another state, so they naturally want to spend all summer with my boys. I kind of worry that they will miss out on summer things, especially as they get older. I went to sleepaway camp and academic enrichment camps and whatnot (so I still had a lot of time at home) and I worry that they won't get that and it will be a Thing.

But... I suppose I shouldn't borrow trouble from the future. Not having to pay for summer camp is huge and the kids are happy.

Sounds like you've found an innovative solution, so I say roll with it! There are probably lots of free things at libraries and whatever that they can get out of the house for sometimes.

FireHiker

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #14 on: June 28, 2019, 04:29:18 PM »
Good job! Dang, though, that is $$$ for 6 weeks of camp, even divided by 3. I'm so thankful for the affordability of our "camp". Our elementary school has an on-site before/after school care program that runs full day in the summer. It is $1330 for one kid for the entire summer, and 10% discount for siblings for $2527 for both of our kids for the whole summer. We also get 2 weeks of "vacation credit" per year, so when we're gone on vacation we aren't charged to keep our spot as long as we notify 2 weeks in advance. They have a "good" field trip every week, and a pool/movie day every week. It is a steal compared to everything else around which is why it has a huge waiting list. We arrived at kindergarten registration two hours early, 6am, to secure a spot for our oldest a few years ago. Absolutely worth it.

beer-man

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #15 on: June 29, 2019, 02:07:11 PM »
Okay, I have one kid who works, and three who are 8-13, so for 6 weeks they were going to go to the YMCA camp at a cost of $7,300, charged to the card we just paid off and got rid of (they have it on file).

2 weeks later, my wife negotiates to work 4/10's Mon-Thurs, and I put in for telework Mon & Weds.

We got a full refund.

So instead of spending the summer paying off the $7,300 we will kill more debt.

Also, as a test to see how they do at home without us, I left a very short list of chores each day this week that say "No TV or computer until........." Today, they (1) cleaned the dining room [with set parts for each kid], (2) wrote a b-day card to their Great Aunt, and (3) gave the guinea pig an orange slice.

They did not like the chores, but they also did not fight after getting too bored of the TV/computer (we only have 1 of each).

One of the days they had to fold all the laundry and put it away, and then each had to take a shower.

I'm keeping it simple, and it's seeming to work.

I am also increasing their allowances of the extra chores.
Good for you. Kids(and adults) need healthy expectations and boundaries to feel safe and stay focused.
 My 3 kids under 10yrs clean bathrooms, unload dishwasher, fold laundry, vacuum, and doing various other tasks around the house...for free. We work and play as a family. Itís tough at first when they donít know how to do the task but they get better quickly. Cleaning up after dinner now literally takes 5 minutes no matter how dirty it is cause the munchkinís are pretty efficient
 My goal is to progressively add on to the list so that they are not only ready to leave at 18 but also capable of taking care of themselves and a household if needed.


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A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #16 on: July 02, 2019, 12:03:02 PM »
My 3 kids under 10yrs clean bathrooms, unload dishwasher, fold laundry, vacuum, and doing various other tasks around the house...for free.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That's so great.

Leaving the house this AM there was a note on the TV, as they expect. Each of them has 4 things to do. Some are small, like the youngest has to give an orange slice to the guinea pig, and others are big, like the oldest cleaning a the kitchen. They all have to eat a banana and a serving of baby carrots.

mm1970

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #17 on: July 02, 2019, 01:57:43 PM »
Good for you!
Summer camp seems like one of those things required to keep up with the Jones's.   The neighbors sent their kids and were talking it all up at the cookout last week, so we should send our kids, if we can afford it or not.   No doubt it could be a good experience for your kids, but this is a luxury like buying a boat or other toy and should only be done with disposable cash, not put on credit.

Take your kids camping yourself or do some fun weekends at a fraction of the expense.

To the OP: I agree that it's badass to get rid of it, especially considering how you negotiated telework and such, so that your kids are only home alone Tue/Thu.

However, summer camp - while it CAN be "keeping up with the Jones", is very often NOT.  When we were 1 month out from the end of school, and discussing "summer camp tetris" at a neighborhood potluck, I heard:
- Must be nice
- When did summer camp become a THING??  Did YOU go to summer camp? (From a 62 yo whose kids are grown.)
- None for us, kids can't pick anything and it's $1000 a week for 3.
...and other not-so-nice things

I had to point out to all present that ... I have a fucking full time job.  I need to have childcare during the summer.  There were two SAHPs and one teacher there who is off for the summer.  While I do have MUCH sympathy for anyone who has to "figure out what to do" with their kids all summer, childcare is not "optional" for me.

During the school year, there's school.  And after school care.

For summer, now - my older child is now legally allowed to be alone, so many of his summer camps are half day camps, to keep him off the electronics and not have his stuck alone all summer.  Hubby and I are somewhat introverted, he's not.  These are somewhat optional.

For the younger child - camp is not optional.  I have a preference for filling *most* of the summer with full day cheaper camps, and then pick one or two shorter day, more expensive, better quality camps.  This week they are both at cooking camp, because ONE DROPOFF ONE PICKUP.  This one is for me.  And yes, this week is for sure the "keeping up with the Jones'" camp week.  Lots of expensive cars in the dropoff line.  Many of the camps out there are for SAHPs to get a few hours break for a few weeks. 

We are at least a few years from being able to drop camp completely.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #18 on: July 02, 2019, 07:52:02 PM »
Good for you!
Summer camp seems like one of those things required to keep up with the Jones's.   The neighbors sent their kids and were talking it all up at the cookout last week, so we should send our kids, if we can afford it or not.   No doubt it could be a good experience for your kids, but this is a luxury like buying a boat or other toy and should only be done with disposable cash, not put on credit.

Take your kids camping yourself or do some fun weekends at a fraction of the expense.

I had to point out to all present that ... I have a fucking full time job.  I need to have childcare during the summer.........childcare is not "optional" for me.



People are dumb and shitty sometimes. Your career is going to payoff in the long-run, but in the short-term you are better off getting good care for your kids because what the hell else matters?

This past school year we had after school care for the younger kids, and were very lucky I was there in the mornings to get them on the bus.

WAIT A MINUTE! They're home. They can watch your kids!

Problem solved.

BeanCounter

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #19 on: July 03, 2019, 12:08:23 PM »
I'd just like to note how difficult it must be to have kids home full time for ten weeks. In so many neighborhoods most of the other kids are off at camp and there is nobody to play with. Being bored is good but ten weeks with nobody to hang with would be difficult at best.

mm1970

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #20 on: July 03, 2019, 01:33:29 PM »
Good for you!
Summer camp seems like one of those things required to keep up with the Jones's.   The neighbors sent their kids and were talking it all up at the cookout last week, so we should send our kids, if we can afford it or not.   No doubt it could be a good experience for your kids, but this is a luxury like buying a boat or other toy and should only be done with disposable cash, not put on credit.

Take your kids camping yourself or do some fun weekends at a fraction of the expense.

I had to point out to all present that ... I have a fucking full time job.  I need to have childcare during the summer.........childcare is not "optional" for me.



People are dumb and shitty sometimes. Your career is going to payoff in the long-run, but in the short-term you are better off getting good care for your kids because what the hell else matters?

This past school year we had after school care for the younger kids, and were very lucky I was there in the mornings to get them on the bus.

WAIT A MINUTE! They're home. They can watch your kids!


Problem solved.

This is funny.  Actually, 3 of my good friends, in the past - have all joined a particular club for the pool.  It's a very expensive club, but it's also nice, outdoors, and has a kid's pool.  I never joined, even though they suggested it because: 1. it's expensive, 2. I have a full time job, and 3. we have a YMCA membership for the indoor pool.  I would end up spending $$$ to join a club that I would go to once a week.  Because one is a SAHP, one is a teacher, and the other works from home or anywhere, really - they were all able to spend multiple afternoons a summer at the pool, together.  Most of their children are girls, also (I have boys).  Many times they trade kids during the weekend and summers too - their kids range from 2nd grade to 8th grade.  Kids get to play, moms get the occasional break from the fighting.

Anyway - I'm actually quite happy to host their kids on weekends.  One family's 2 girls don't really get along with my boys (though I like the kids fine).  The other family's kids get along well with ours, and I'm happy to have them all over.  The mom does not reciprocate.  She just can't/ doesn't want to handle 2 boys in her house with her kids.  That's okay.

Now that the kids are getting older, we are getting into the boy/girl thing. So my half introverted/ half extroverted teen boy REALLY wants to have his best friend (a girl) over.  But she likes to hang out at home more.  I'm not certain that her mom would actually let her come over and hang out when we aren't there.  And...yeah I trust my kid but still.  I keep wishing that they would just go to the park or ride down to the store or do SOMETHING in the afternoons together.  Ah well, of all the families in the 'hood, all of our vacations are offset this year - so there's not a lot of friend-swapping going on.

Also, I live in kind of an expensive area.  So, the traditional thing of "going to hang out with a friend" or "swapping babysitting" or ??? isn't done so much here as it is elsewhere, or maybe as it was longer ago.  When you have a neighborhood with a combo of parents who need full time care vs parents who are home in the summer...it's just really hard to organize/ coordinate.

Quote
I'd just like to note how difficult it must be to have kids home full time for ten weeks. In so many neighborhoods most of the other kids are off at camp and there is nobody to play with. Being bored is good but ten weeks with nobody to hang with would be difficult at best.
For sure.  I've got many friends who are dealing with that.  My kids get lonely in the summer, but at least they are busy!

Plus, I dig my kids.  You know, some people say "I'm not my kid's friend, I don't play with them, they need to entertain themselves."  Some actually will go out of their way to play with their kids and entertain them.  There's no actual right way.  But I do know that I grew up with the first kind of parent.  So, I can entertain myself very well (crafts, books, etc.)  I was not, however, particularly close to my parents - except maybe my  mom.  My husband's family did stuff together.  Games, hiking, camping, swimming, etc.  They really DUG their kids.  So, different experience.  I prefer it that way.  We set aside time to do stuff with our kids (whether they like it or not!).

calimom

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #21 on: July 05, 2019, 09:06:44 PM »
As a single working parent I HAD to have my younger kids in day camps (some had sleepaway components) when they were smaller. The oldest one started working at a fairly young age in a career track internship job and already pitched in a lot so I didn't want to saddle her with more responsibility for the younger kids at home. Where we live, camps are a bit more affordable, but I certainly shelled out a few bucks during those years. Lots of nature, science, horses and art involved so I've never regretted that expense. My kids' grandmother always stepped in for the month of August. Not only did it help defray the day camp cost, she'd assist in keeping the house going. She'd take all three shopping (padded with a budget from my BIL) for basic clothes and supplies for the upcoming school year. As well as help orchestrate/travel with us for a summer vacation of some sort. Always a complete source of support and as she heads toward 80, still going strong though the heavy lifting days are over. She still flies 3,000 miles across the country to spend time with the kids and help in any way.

My youngest just turned 13 and is working this summer for a mom in our neighborhood four days a week Two boys, 3 and 4 years old. Mom is at home and does the books for her husband's business so needs some unobstructed work time (I hope she gets a moment or two to put her feet up once in awhile) My daughter is so cute and takes it so seriously! Each week she does a "lesson plan" and then texts the Mom her "wish list" of supplies. Amazon will show up with a box of markers, butcher paper, an art farm, and last week was an inexpensive microscope to view bugs under.




A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #22 on: July 06, 2019, 10:25:31 AM »
As a single working parent I HAD to have my younger kids in day camps (some had sleepaway components) when they were smaller. The oldest one started working at a fairly young age in a career track internship job and already pitched in a lot so I didn't want to saddle her with more responsibility for the younger kids at home. Where we live, camps are a bit more affordable, but I certainly shelled out a few bucks during those years. Lots of nature, science, horses and art involved so I've never regretted that expense. My kids' grandmother always stepped in for the month of August. Not only did it help defray the day camp cost, she'd assist in keeping the house going. She'd take all three shopping (padded with a budget from my BIL) for basic clothes and supplies for the upcoming school year. As well as help orchestrate/travel with us for a summer vacation of some sort. Always a complete source of support and as she heads toward 80, still going strong though the heavy lifting days are over. She still flies 3,000 miles across the country to spend time with the kids and help in any way.

My youngest just turned 13 and is working this summer for a mom in our neighborhood four days a week Two boys, 3 and 4 years old. Mom is at home and does the books for her husband's business so needs some unobstructed work time (I hope she gets a moment or two to put her feet up once in awhile) My daughter is so cute and takes it so seriously! Each week she does a "lesson plan" and then texts the Mom her "wish list" of supplies. Amazon will show up with a box of markers, butcher paper, an art farm, and last week was an inexpensive microscope to view bugs under.


Calimom, it looks like you're getting through this. That's really great.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #23 on: July 06, 2019, 01:14:24 PM »
@calimom, I think you were wise not to tax your eldest. My first husband was expected to watch his younger sister all day in the summer and it permanently damaged his relationship with both his sister and his mom.

BeanCounter

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #24 on: July 06, 2019, 01:39:36 PM »
@calimom, I think you were wise not to tax your eldest. My first husband was expected to watch his younger sister all day in the summer and it permanently damaged his relationship with both his sister and his mom.
I was goi g to post the same thing about my DH and BIL. They are not close like brothers because BIL sees DH as another parent. I vowed a long time ago to never do that to my boys.
I also know several psychiatrists that warn against leaving pre-teens and teens home alone a lot as it can increase depression.
I have the ability to work from whenever I need to but there is NOTHING I find more stressful than working from home with the kids. It just makes me feel like I am family at both.
These are all the reasons I kept working when they were little and plan to FIRE next year when my oldest starts middle school.

calimom

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #25 on: July 06, 2019, 04:52:06 PM »
Thanks for the nice words; my eldest is actually my stepdaughter from my late husband's first marriage whom I adopted after his death so really my own daughter in every sense of the word. I'd always cringe when people would say "oh she must be such a help to you" because in reality she really was. But I  wanted her to follow her own pursuits as much as possible and not be forced into a servitude where she'd feel resentful. There's a fair age difference between her and the younger kids and to this day they have a great relationship.

It's always a fine line instilling responsibility and contributing to the family while not treating children like unpaid servants. Every family has to sort that out. Having no contributions to the family well being is likely not the best thing.

slappy

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #26 on: July 06, 2019, 05:43:10 PM »
[quote

Plus, I dig my kids.  You know, some people say "I'm not my kid's friend, I don't play with them, they need to entertain themselves."  Some actually will go out of their way to play with their kids and entertain them.  There's no actual right way.  But I do know that I grew up with the first kind of parent.  So, I can entertain myself very well (crafts, books, etc.)  I was not, however, particularly close to my parents - except maybe my  mom.  My husband's family did stuff together.  Games, hiking, camping, swimming, etc.  They really DUG their kids.  So, different experience.  I prefer it that way.  We set aside time to do stuff with our kids (whether they like it or not!).
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I find this so interesting. We struggle with the kids entertaining themselves (they are still young). We do want to spend time with them and do things with them, but we need them to entertain themselves as well. Its funny how the baby could just play for hours and the five year old needs contstant interaction. I've really wanted to get them into board games, but they are still pretty young so it turns into a shitshow. However, I just picked up a few to get started with. (Free from another mom on facebook!) I'm really hopeful that we can spend more and more time together enjoying each other's company.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Cancelled $7,300 in summer camps
« Reply #27 on: July 07, 2019, 06:38:00 AM »
I'd always cringe when people would say "oh she must be such a help to you" because in reality she really was. But I  wanted her to follow her own pursuits as much as possible and not be forced into a servitude where she'd feel resentful.........................

Yes, I have an older teen, and that was the attitude when my wife went back to work (she can help out). Uh, no. That's not helping. That's a job.

Now, she does help out, but she's a sister among the siblings, not a parent-like-person.

Imagine not just the dynamic, but also the resentment the kid will have when you're keeping her there until 22 or so (for the help) and then when the younger kids are 17 they're free to be adult-like-humans?

Yeah, good luck having a relationship after that.

Calimom, you're really doing a great job. I hope you know that.