Author Topic: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?  (Read 6575 times)

MgoSam

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Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« on: October 27, 2015, 06:44:24 PM »
I am renting out two bedrooms in my house and I have received inquires from several women. I didn't post anything in the ad about gender, but I am now feeling uneasy about renting to a women that I don't know. It might be different if it was a women that I knew socially.

Has anyone had any experience in renting to someone of the opposite sex that's a stranger? What was your experience? Would appreciate some advice.

Gin1984

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2015, 06:49:19 PM »
Yes, but it was my husband and I.  We rented to a male.  It worked out quite well.

MgoSam

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2015, 07:08:00 PM »
This is going to be my first time being a landlord and I've never lived with a women before. I would be open to doing so, but would prefer to get some experience first.

PowerMustache

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2015, 07:15:09 PM »
I think that depends very much on the two people involved. What is it exactly that makes you feel uneasy?

I previously rented a room in my house. Though I ended up choosing someone of the same gender, I met with people of both genders and considered them equally. To me, there are many many more important factors in finding a good housemate than gender: lifestyle, spending habits, interests, cleanliness habits, morning/night routines, etc.  These are all non-gender-specific and in my opinion it would be a shame to rule out half of all possible roommate matches based on a mostly irrelevant factor.

However, if you are feeling uneasy, that feeling could imply that you have some negative ideas about women, or about the ability of women and men to cohabitate. I think it would be a good idea to examine that feeling and incorporate it into your final decision. There is no right or wrong decision about who to live with, and if you're just not comfortable around women, then it may not be right for you to live with a woman. Or, it could be a good opportunity to get over that feeling. No wrong choice, just what's right and wrong for you.

trailrated

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2015, 07:39:38 PM »
I moved out to Nevada during the last election cycle for a year (took a campaign job). Through craigslist I met my roomie. A single mom with 2 sons. Worked out great, I moved back to California but we became good friends and still talk all the time. We hit it off right away, I would even read her kids bedtime stories and she would make dinner for me a few nights a week. Try it out but make sure you click.

Mikhial

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2015, 07:41:49 PM »
Why the uneasiness? I'm a gay man and I've rented with women and men, straight and gay. Gender was never a big deal.

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iamlindoro

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2015, 08:29:16 PM »
I was a subletter at a series of apartments where all of my roommates were of the opposite sex (I am male, roommates were female).  Aside from the normal roommate friction, no issues.  Some people you get along with, others you don't, regardless of gender.  It was a good experience, and I don't regret it at all.

It may have helped that I was renting in a town (Cambridge, MA) where strangers sharing apartments is extremely common, and we were all in college and/or grad school.

lostamonkey

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2015, 08:57:05 PM »
I would not be okay with having a female roommate who was neither a partner or a family member. This is a personal thing and there is nothing inherently wrong with having a roommate of the opposite gender. Be honest with yourself and if you feel alright with it then go ahead and do it.
« Last Edit: October 27, 2015, 08:59:10 PM by lostamonkey »

Kwill

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2015, 09:17:58 PM »
I am renting out two bedrooms in my house and I have received inquires from several women. I didn't post anything in the ad about gender, but I am now feeling uneasy about renting to a women that I don't know. It might be different if it was a women that I knew socially.

Has anyone had any experience in renting to someone of the opposite sex that's a stranger? What was your experience? Would appreciate some advice.

If you'd feel more comfortable sharing your house with guys, put that in the ad and don't worry about it. It's your house, and it's different than renting out separate apartment to a stranger. I've had lots of housemates as a renter, and the household dynamics have been really different when it was all women vs. a mix. Both had positive and negative aspects, but for me, the all women situations were easier to deal with.

If you're sharing a bathroom or kitchen with your tenants, you can legally specify a whether you are looking for male or female housemates in the ad in the US. That is almost the only thing you can specify. https://www.craigslist.org/about/FHA#exceptions

Meowmalade

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2015, 10:55:10 PM »
I think that depends very much on the two people involved. What is it exactly that makes you feel uneasy?

I previously rented a room in my house. Though I ended up choosing someone of the same gender, I met with people of both genders and considered them equally. To me, there are many many more important factors in finding a good housemate than gender: lifestyle, spending habits, interests, cleanliness habits, morning/night routines, etc.  These are all non-gender-specific and in my opinion it would be a shame to rule out half of all possible roommate matches based on a mostly irrelevant factor.

However, if you are feeling uneasy, that feeling could imply that you have some negative ideas about women, or about the ability of women and men to cohabitate. I think it would be a good idea to examine that feeling and incorporate it into your final decision. There is no right or wrong decision about who to live with, and if you're just not comfortable around women, then it may not be right for you to live with a woman. Or, it could be a good opportunity to get over that feeling. No wrong choice, just what's right and wrong for you.

This is great advice.  I've lived with a guy roommate and we became really good friends.  We shared a bathroom but we were both respectful and had similar clean-freak tendencies, so it worked out well.  Another guy moved in when the landlady moved out, and he drove us nuts because he was such a slob.  (Come to think of it, I've had many guy roommates.  Respect and communication are key, same as with any other same-gender roommate.)

I once suggested moving in with another guy friend, and we hung out all the time but he didn't feel comfortable with the idea of living with a woman (I think he didn't want to explain to his conservative parents!).  It's a very personal decision and you should make sure you're comfortable with it.

Megma

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2015, 02:14:00 PM »
Yes, but it was my husband and I.  We rented to a male.  It worked out quite well.

ditto. My bf and I rented to a male stranger.

I think if you are not sharing a bathroom it's not a big deal. I would also not rent to anyone I had the remotest interest in pursing a romantic relationship with, the business/romance mix would just be a pain (but this is my personal opinion) and frankly, when having tenants that you live with there are enough business/personal complications.

NoraLenderbee

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2015, 03:48:14 PM »

However, if you are feeling uneasy, that feeling could imply that you have some negative ideas about women, or about the ability of women and men to cohabitate.

Or it could imply that he just prefers not to share his own living quarters with the opposite sex that he is not related to. Lots of people feel that way, and it doesn't mean they have negative ideas about anyone.

I (female) lived with male and female roommates, gay and straight, in the past. There was the usual roommate friction, but gender was never an issue. Nobody walked around in their underwear, though sometimes someone walked around in a towel. Based on what my friends have experienced, though, it is a terrible idea to have a sexual relationship with a roommate. It creates awful tensions and someone always ends up unhappy.

forestj

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #12 on: October 29, 2015, 10:14:37 PM »
If you feel this way, there must be a reason. If you are concerned about it, then I would do as others have said and explain how you feel in your ad. Personally, I have lived with all sorts of housemates and never had problems, but that probably doesn't apply to you. The fact that you are uneasy with the prospect shows that there is something in your experience which is very different from mine -- and that's important and valid. Do what feels right for you.

Let me put this another way: If I was a woman and I wanted to sublet from a guy, I think I would pick the person who has lived with women before and doesn't even think twice about it. I don't think I would be comfortable subletting from someone who is worried about living with a stranger of the opposite sex.

If I met a woman who said that she was uncomfortable subletting to men, I would look elsewhere. That's not something I want to worry about or think about as part of my living situation. Again, I have lived with lots of women before, but always with the mutual understanding that there was nothing to worry about on either side.
« Last Edit: October 29, 2015, 10:20:33 PM by forestj »

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2015, 06:34:43 AM »
Not trying to stir shit here, but think about what your feelings would be sharing with a gay woman or gay man? Is the issue avoiding relationships or sexual tension or do you see some fundamental differences in living with women?

I've lived and rented with men and women, and had no problems based on gender. In college I slept with people that I had to interact with for years afterwards and it was sometimes awkward, sometimes fine (overall not recommended).

I've shared with messy people, smokers, and high maintenance divas (men and women, sharing a bathroom) and wouldn't do that again because it was a nightmare.

Compatibility is more important than gender, but your feelings on whether you would be comfortable sharing space with a woman are part of the compatibility.

My advice would be:
Don't rent to someone you have the hots for
Put a bin in the bathroom
Assume that anyone who replied to the ad will be fine with living with you
Discuss and set expectations for behaviour, cleaning, paying rent, music, etc
Don't share a bathroom with someone who will take 90 minutes every morning
Don't break whatever renting laws there are in your state/country

Kwill

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2015, 09:32:34 AM »
....
Discuss and set expectations for behaviour, cleaning, paying rent, music, etc
...
Don't break whatever renting laws there are in your state/country

Is it possible to do a credit check on potential renters? There was one time we had to kick out a housemate for not paying for a few months, and it was awful because he was really nice and honestly having a hard time with life. Everyone liked him, but one person was collecting rent from everyone and writing one check to the landlord. It was my year to do that, so I was personally out over a thousand dollars by the time he left. He went and stayed with friends for awhile, got a job, and paid me back eventually. But I wish we'd known before he moved in that he already had a terrible credit history. It was worse than awkward, and I felt bad about it for a long time.

jinga nation

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #15 on: October 30, 2015, 12:38:52 PM »
....
Discuss and set expectations for behaviour, cleaning, paying rent, music, etc
...
Don't break whatever renting laws there are in your state/country

Is it possible to do a credit check on potential renters? There was one time we had to kick out a housemate for not paying for a few months, and it was awful because he was really nice and honestly having a hard time with life. Everyone liked him, but one person was collecting rent from everyone and writing one check to the landlord. It was my year to do that, so I was personally out over a thousand dollars by the time he left. He went and stayed with friends for awhile, got a job, and paid me back eventually. But I wish we'd known before he moved in that he already had a terrible credit history. It was worse than awkward, and I felt bad about it for a long time.

It should be mandatory for landlords to perform credit and criminal checks on potential renters. My prospects pay for it, I don't. ($25-35 per adult)
Make it clear that each tenant pays directly to the landlord.

ajmers

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Re: Would you rent a bedroom to the opposite sex?
« Reply #16 on: November 05, 2015, 08:02:58 PM »
I (a woman) have had many roommates, male and female, gay and straight, also married couples, all off of craigslist. The only one I/we ever had an issue with was the one who couldn't pay rent.

I think the most important thing is that you feel comfortable around them, whatever gender they are. If you feel uneasy but game to give it a try, meet the women that apply and see if you think you could be at ease being around them every day. Some people just feel less comfortable living with the opposite sex - I certainly know women who would never live with a guy off craigslist! :) But like someone said - just evaluate their potential as people.