Hey thanks, I really appreciate all the feedback and different perspectives. My husband and I circled back on this last night. As some of you pointed out, this should have been addressed in the rental agreement (tenant is month-to-month, no lease), but wasn't. Which doesn't behoove us or the tenant. We don't want him to feel like he's not allowed to have guests, or has to ask our permission to have guests.
Along the lines of nereo's suggestion, we're creating an addendum to the rental agreement that states guests are allowed for ___ days, and anything more requires our written consent. We're also specifying that guests aren't permitted in the shared areas without the tenant being present.
A few follow-ups to comments:
- This is the second time my husband has told the tenant "yeah, go ahead," and THEN come to me and said, "I said yes to this, is that OK with you?" So yeah, that was a bit of an issue. The first time was a huge, unequivocal OH FUCK NO from me (it was something illegal and dangerous, the tenant knew it and thought we'd be cool). I admit that colored my perception of this request. But my husband also agrees he should say, "Maybe, let me check in with rocklebock," instead of feeling he has to answer on the spot.
- Also affecting my judgment: the first time this guy came to stay, tenant said it would be a few days, which actually meant a week or so. So I didn't put any stock in a conversational mention of "a week and a half".
- Several people pointed out that the tenant is being conscientious and not doing anything sinister, and of course that's true. However, in the issues I've had with tenants, never has there been a case where I thought someone was doing something underhanded. That includes the ones who got a dog even though their lease said no and I said no, and the one who tried to negotiate by not paying rent. They all had honest intentions.
Anyway, thanks again - I see the consensus is I was being too much of a hard-ass about this, and I think it's because I was reacting to a pattern I see with this tenant rather than evaluating the request on its face.