There was an episode of Life or Debt (on Spike TV) where a similar couple just could not /would not give up their luxury lifestyle, even if it meant losing their luxury home. I wept while watching it, as my friends were looming so large in my mind...
Diane C, I know you're right about not being able to help others more than they're willing to help themselves. Normally, I have no problem remaining detached, simply by asking myself the question, "What did they think was going to happen, if they refused to bring in enough income to support a super-expensive lifestyle, or downsize to a simpler one?? This is not rocket science..." Yet this feels different...
I have not done anything overtly to help (I haven't given money or anything like that) although I have done quite a bit of reading about refinancing, IO loans, and the like.
I just know how utterly devastated my friend will be to leave her home. Utterly. Devastated. I am going to do what I can to convince them to sell and/or condo-ize (I have no idea if this is possible in their circumstance). And I will pray, not for a miracle, but for their acceptance that whatever happens, this house will not be part of their long-term future.
I admit that I am particularly sad because my life was very much on track to have this tragedy unfold within it. I was rescued by a series of events and truths: I don't have children, I'm not incapacitated by depression, I'm not opposed to working (and in fact, I love my job), I am not afraid of being alone, I don't give a shit about the Joneses' opinion of me, I didn't want to be married anyway, and when I learned about the financial drama encroaching upon me (another story for another day), I didn't hesitate to leave. I didn't know what was ahead, but I knew I wasn't going to stay in my present. The fact that I am now financially savvy and saving about 70% of my income (including maxing out my HSA, Roth and 403B, plus saving in post-tax accounts) is only because I got the hell out. Finding MMM was a huge part of my resurrection, but I had these other things going for me as well.
My friend is trapped, not just by her own insecurity which she tries to salve with expensive stuff, by also by the marriage itself (also another story for another day). She has neither the emotional wherewithal nor the logistical options to rescue her family from their self-created nightmare. Her one and only option, to leave with her children and stay with her parents, is not on the table. At least not for now.
K-ice, the additional $2000 "reset" is because the principal has been tacked onto the IO portion, hence the urgent need for the refinance.