Posting an update, because who among us doesn't like a family drama thread?
TL;DR: my mother is moving from a bad situation to a risky one because it's her new dream. My husband and I did not help her out financially.
So, my mom admitted that she had to sell her home and buy something cheaper somewhere else in order to retire. What really worked out in her favor is that the advent of remote work and "partially remote" offices means that more Bay Area workers are eyeing houses two or even three hours away from work because, sure, they might have to make that crappy commute *some* days, but not *every* day. Her town, like many locations, saw a spike in prices as it became clear remote work and partial remote work isn't going away any time soon, so her $450k house is worth more like $650k now.
That's great, right? Problem solved, right? Wellll...
1) She fell in love with a particular area to move to, and then every other place was a horrible downgrade from her dream town. This area is *cheaper* but not cheap.
2) Despite the fact that she lives alone, she refuses to get a smaller house. She wants a room for painting (her hobby), she wants a workout area, and she *definitely* wants all her friends and family to visit and stay with her, so she NEEDS a guest room, maybe 2. Also, as previously mentioned, she owns a ton of family heirlooms; one time, when I asked if she'd ever considered a 2-bedroom or even a 1-bedroom home, she looked at me and asked if she should throw them all out. (This, incidentally, marked the last day I suggested anything.)
3) Finally, she fell in love with a particular 3-bedroom house, which is in the same development where she wanted to pay for a NEW house.
The bottom line is that my mom decided that she would be happy in retirement if she had a "nice" house in this particular area, and once she decided that, every suggestion my brother and I made was tantamount to making her give up on her dreams. "Hey", you might say, "how about you and your brother butt out of her life?" Well, we would, except that she doesn't have the money. Her actual words to me, as she was looking at this new house, were:
"This house is perfect in every way, except that I can't afford it".
She put in an offer anyway.
When the dust settles from selling her old house and buying this new one, she'll have gone from owing $350k on a mortgage to owing $150k. Social Security will cover regular expenses and taxes, Medicare will cover heath costs, but the loan will force her to either have a part-time job or find some kind of renter/roommate. She's likely to inherit some money in the next 5 years, which will pay off that loan, but even then, she has absolutely no cushion or emergency fund.
Thanks for the advice everyone. You guys helped us put the brakes on our idea. My head and heart hurt over this, but I am REALLY glad we didn't throw money at this situation. My mom has decided what her "dream" is, and she won't compromise on it. This could end really badly for her, and we may very well have to bail her out then, but if we had bought her place and let her stay her stay there for cheap, she wouldn't have been happy, and she might be making the exact same move right now.