Author Topic: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom  (Read 7689 times)

braingrenades

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Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« on: September 21, 2016, 01:53:24 PM »
I'm planning on getting engaged in the next 6 months. We both want to own a home someday but we live in Southern California where prices are high so we rent. I've been renting out the second bedroom in my apartment for years. I furnished it with the $ split in my favor and it's worked like a charm. My girlfriend still lives in a 1 bedroom and pays $850/month plus expenses. As lame as it might sound, I plan on creating a PowerPoint to try and convince her that when she moves in we should still rent the second bedroom. I already know she's not going to go for it. My place is small but in a great spot near the beach. I've lived here for many years so what I pay in rent is below market (probably what you would pay for a 1 bedroom in my neighborhood). I know she's not going to want to go for it so I'm going to try my best to illustrate to her that if we saved the money, even if she didn't like the living situation, we'd be moving faster towards our goal of owning a home.  I'll throw out some numbers below but those are really just for you guys. In fact it might be better for me just to hit her with something like "Listen honey if we do this you'll be paying less than $100/month and all the rest can go towards saving for our home." Let me know your thoughts and if you were in my shoes how would you argue your case (ideally I give her a "this is only for x amount of time" case).

RENT AT MY PLACE $1225 (plus $50 cable Internet and $30-$50 gas/electric)
WHAT I CHARGE FOR 2ND BEDROOM $1075 (Everything is included so that's all they pay. I'm raising the rent because people will pay it to be w/in walking distance to the beach)

RENT AT MY GF'S $850 (plus cable Internet, gas/electric, Hulu, Netflix, etc.)

What I would like to illustrate is something like:
1) Our monthly mandatory expenses
$1225 - $1075 = $150 cost for our rent plus cable Internet, gas/electric, and I'll likely inherit Hulu, Netflix expenses

2) All the money we've (really she's) been paying out in expenses would now go into an account to save towards a home (unless you recommend another investment vehicle)

I know it needs polishing but the idea is there. Looking to you guys for help getting the point across in a simple and attractive way. Thanks!
« Last Edit: September 21, 2016, 01:57:30 PM by braingrenades »

Unstoppable

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2016, 02:31:27 PM »
We rented out two rooms in our first house. When the GF, now wife, got tired of it, we moved out and kept the place as a rental. Friends moved out and we rented it traditionally.

Just a thought, since you said you are paying below market rent. If she doesn't go for the roommate idea can you sublease your room? So basically you would be master leasing the apartment and then subleasing the place to two people, pocketing the difference. Your lease may not allow subleasing though. If it does you may be able to rent out your room and clear some extra money to rent a new place w/ the GF, saving her rent and being further subsidized by your old apartment.

You could furnish the place and Airbnb it furnished. I know a guy that retired at 30 doing this. He subleases an entire building for a fixed rate, furnishes them and then subleases them on Airbnb to traveling nurses and the like for months at a time.

Weigh all of your different options, you could find one that seriously changes your life for the better, moreso than just saving your GF's rent.

FIFoFum

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2016, 02:44:25 PM »
I feel like this isn't an argument you can win with better math or $ amounts. Who is renting out the other room? Male? Female? Age? Demographic? How many bathrooms are shared? How would this affect your gf's ability to feel comfortable lounging around in her own home or space? Are you giving her a choice in what type of roommate you might take in?

I am currently living with 2 roommates. I would absolutely never ever subject a gf/fiancée/wife to having to live with one of them, even though I have no problem living with him. Period.

The best way to discuss having the room rented out while your gf is living there is not to prepare a powerpoint for her on all your brilliant savings ideas. It is to ASK her what parts of having a roommate she objects to and then how you can choose someone to rent to that fits her comfort level.


Miss Piggy

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2016, 02:54:13 PM »
This has awkward written all over it. How long will this need to be the living arrangement before you're able to buy?

braingrenades

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2016, 03:18:38 PM »
Thanks for the feedback so far.  I'll try to address some of the comments so far.

1) Air BnB - Although not having a roommate around 24/7 would be one of the big perks I think it could raise many other issues that out weigh that factor. It's unlikely I'll go that route. I love the idea but it's not ideal for my current situation.
2) Sub-leasing w/out me - As of right now I'm the only name on the lease and have lived here so long the landlord doesn't bug me when I switch roommates. However, if I were to move out and just rent the place I'm sure he would kick me out.
3) Who will rent the room - That's part of what I want to discuss and let her have some say in that.
4) How long will this last? I'd like to have at least 20% down payment. For a condo where I live that could easily be $500K. For a home, more like $700K.

She's in grad school now and neither of us make a ton of money. The idea here is to try and cut down mandatory monthly expenses as much as possible in order to save towards something better. Is it ideal? No. But in my opinion it's a much better option than us moving in together and just breaking even or not saving at all.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2016, 03:21:51 PM by braingrenades »

marty998

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2016, 03:25:44 PM »
Meh... you'll save $850 a month when she moves in. Thats already a massive win.

I'd cash in my chips there buddy. Let her have her space without 3rd party intrusions.

therethere

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2016, 03:26:34 PM »
I see this highly dependent on her personality have you not brought it up before? Considering she already has a 1bd apartment.... Is yours large enough for merging two households and having another roommates stuff? I've heard this work amicably in houses but I'm guessing your apt by the beach is much less spacious. To me 3 people in a 2bd would be so crowded and drive me batty but I'm an introvert. Also, if she's been living by herself for years its going to take an adjustment just to get used to living with YOU let alone another person! Personally, I would want to be building expectations and routines on living together by yourselves first without another person involved. I say go for explaining the financials but remember that money isn't everything. Sometimes the most optimized $$ route does not outweigh inconveniences. Its hard to put a price on being uncomfortable in your own home.

Best of luck on communicating calmly and agreeing on a solution that will make you both happy.

braingrenades

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2016, 03:40:06 PM »
Meh... you'll save $850 a month when she moves in. Thats already a massive win.

I'd cash in my chips there buddy. Let her have her space without 3rd party intrusions.

Actually that's not accurate.  Here's why (just talking rent and not other expenses)

My rent is $1225. My roommate currently pays $950. So I pay $275.
Yes my girlfriend pays $850 but if she moves in here and we do not have a roommate we would split the $1225. So that means we both would be paying over $600 plus expenses. The savings are much less.

I'm not far from a major college and I've had luck with some serious students (PhD level) and that's probably the route I would go. They love being by the beach but are working all the time so even though we'd have a third roommate to help with our cost of living they may not be impacting the quality of life at home that much. Again what I'm really looking for here are any ideas on presenting the information in a more digestible way. Maybe we will not even do it but I think it merits attention. There's no harm in trying and if it doesn't work then just downsize to the 2 of us. The lease would be month to month.

Goldielocks

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2016, 04:03:33 PM »
I might be tempted by it, if half of the rent went into a spending account that I could use on myself, or to spend on whatever.  (New towels, vacation for us that I choose, dinners out together, haircuts, paying off my student loans... car payment, whatever..)...  This is theoretical me 20 years ago, please note.

After all,  I would want something for the supreme inconvenience of it all, and I would actually prefer to get lower rent, but have a nice PHD type student or "weeknights only" type of renter...

With the other half of the savings, you can put directly onto home savings.  Yes, this gives the other person a lot more income from the situation, but both of you could get what you want....

Choices

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2016, 04:04:38 PM »
You sound convinced that your GF is not a fan of your plan.
Have you let her have her say as to why?
Is it space, privacy, sharing a bathroom, noise, fear of the unknown?
Have you truly LISTENED to her concerns and tried to put yourself in her shoes?

Does she know your current roommate?

And how would your current roommate feel about the situation. When I was single, I would have much rather lived with another single person than a couple, as couples can monopolize the kitchen and common areas and make things very awkward, crowded, and uncomfortable at times. Or they can be awesome, but it really does depend on the personalities involved.

If the roommate situation doesn't go well, is this worth losing your GF over? She might feel like you're choosing $$$ and a roommate over her, which would be a valid point. Relationships are all about communication and compromsie, not PowerPoint presentations.

braingrenades

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2016, 04:18:28 PM »
Let me mention my current roommate is moving out and going back to France. He's a post-doc who's been working at the local university. So the room will be open and I can take into account her preferences. I can probably get another PhD to come in as a replacement.

I don't think she would be a fan of it initially because of space issues and she's coming from her own 1 bedroom place. I think the benefits outweigh any inconvenience but we will have to discuss.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2016, 04:22:13 PM by braingrenades »

K-ice

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2016, 11:11:55 PM »
I think I could be convinced with money & PowerPoint. She is still a student so living with roomates is not a big deal. But you need to find the right roomate.

Actually, I've done it before. 3 times.

First time I'm in a LongDistance relationship.
Find an opposite sex roomate I've known for about 5y.
They were paying $800 in a downtown tower & I find a walk up just outside of downtown in a trendy spot  for only $650. A tip from a friend of a friend.
Huge savings for him if we share, I found the apartment and warn that my LD SO may move at some point.
Well 2 weeks later my SO moves. So now we are 3 in a 2bdm. Not too bad.
My roomates SO still lives at "home" in the burbs. So guess who is there every night.
This goes on for almost a year. It was a small place. We were never 4 in the same room. It was awkward. I really resented that 4th person they didn't pay rent. Especially the week Roomate was gone & they still lived there & brought friends over. It was a small apartment. We never had friends over out of respect for how small it was. Shortly after that we found our own place.  Lease signed $750, roomate told, all is good. Guess what, one week later roomate says they bought a condo & we can stay after all. No way. Got a fresh start.  I'm ranting since I'm still traumatized 10y later.

Second time, about 3 years later hit a rockey patch with SO. They move out. I need a roomate. Find a good friend in last 6 month of grad studies.  Guess what, only about one month with roomate then SO & I have made up. But all is good. Roomate is happy for us. We eat meals together, do sports together, we're all working long hours anyway so it's kinda fun the next 5 months & we know there is an end date.

The last time we take on a foreign summer intern working at a friend's company. We are now home owners but always looking to save money. It was just 4 months & we were gone for 1 month anyway so they could house/cat sit.  They were fine alone but while we were gone we sent a friend by to pick something up. When she got there at least 5 guys were sleeping on the floor in our place. Our house sitter had practically turned our place into a hostel. We were not back for 2 more weeks & as soon as we were back he was literally dumped on the curb. No surprise a few things were missing. I don't think he was that bad of a guy or stole anything but he was a push-over with his "friends".

So I think you need some clear ground rules. None of my "roomates" were horrible people but the friends made it akward.




Kakashi

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2016, 12:07:45 AM »
Let's start with the obvious here.  Do you have permission from your landlord to sublease out the room?  Or are you doing it illegally?

I can't imagine a landlord will lease to you undermarket only for you to sublease it out at market rate. 

Villanelle

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2016, 12:28:40 AM »
Thanks for the feedback so far.  I'll try to address some of the comments so far.

1) Air BnB - Although not having a roommate around 24/7 would be one of the big perks I think it could raise many other issues that out weigh that factor. It's unlikely I'll go that route. I love the idea but it's not ideal for my current situation.
2) Sub-leasing w/out me - As of right now I'm the only name on the lease and have lived here so long the landlord doesn't bug me when I switch roommates. However, if I were to move out and just rent the place I'm sure he would kick me out.
3) Who will rent the room - That's part of what I want to discuss and let her have some say in that.
4) How long will this last? I'd like to have at least 20% down payment. For a condo where I live that could easily be $500K. For a home, more like $700K.

She's in grad school now and neither of us make a ton of money. The idea here is to try and cut down mandatory monthly expenses as much as possible in order to save towards something better. Is it ideal? No. But in my opinion it's a much better option than us moving in together and just breaking even or not saving at all.

That's great that vacation rental isn't ideal for you.  But it sounds like a roommate isn't ideal for your SO.  Perhaps you need to be open to compromise, since that's what you are asking of her.

It sounds a lot like you have a plan and you are just looking to get her on board with what you want by bludgeoning her into submission with Powerpoint.  That doesn't sound like much of a partnership.  How about a conversation where you show her that a full time roommate is deal, but let her know you are open to other things as well, based on her preferences and feedback?  maybe you can meet in the middle. 

That said, if I were going to reluctantly have a roommate, one of the things that would likely get me over my hesitance would the to make it temporary. Sign a 6 month lease (or maybe 9, to line up with the school year, since it sounds like you are near a university).  Let her know that after the lease is up, if she absolutely hates it, she can just say the word and there is no new lease, and you won't fuss or beg or object or PowerPoint her. 

Also, giving her a lot of leeway in the selection process, even if it means a longer vacancy, would likely go a long way.

Make this about both of you, not just about getting her to do what you think is best. 


Dicey

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2016, 01:08:43 AM »
Let's start with the obvious here.  Do you have permission from your landlord to sublease out the room?  Or are you doing it illegally?

I can't imagine a landlord will lease to you undermarket only for you to sublease it out at market rate.
I can relate to this post. I lived in an LA apartment for a decade a long, long time ago. The first roomie and I split the rent and the deposit. When she left, with the LL's consent, I refunded her deposit and became the master leaseholder. Thereafter, all roomies went through me, not the LL. I was a good tenant, so several times the LL didn't raise the rent, though they could have. Each time I got a new roomie, the split grew more and more in my favor. It was never quite as good as the OP's, but it really helped me save for my first house.

LA has an interesting kind of rent control. When a unit is vacated, LL gets to charge market rate. Upon annual renewals, increases are capped at 2-3% on average. Stay for a long time, be a good tenant, manage the roommates so the LL doesn't have to get involved. You end up paying the small half of the rent, and roomie still pays a very fair amount, based on current market rates. Perfectly legal, as long as it's not expressly prohibited in the lease.

I was close to UCLA, and also preferred grad students or recent grads who had good starter jobs. I am still friends with all but one or two of them.

Back to you, OP. I did not see if the unit has only one bath. Also, do the bedrooms have a common wall? If so, this will be a tough sell. I find it interesting that GF is a student and lives alone. How does she afford that? Does she have lots of SLs?

I suspect you're going to need more than a PP presentation. I'd suggest giving her complete say in roommate selection and also bribery/rewards. Another long shot, but you-never-know would be if there's another long timer in the building with a bigger unit who might be willing to swap while you both hold on to your below market rates. Extremely long shot, but stranger things have happened.

rothwem

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2016, 05:58:21 AM »
If the roommate situation doesn't go well, is this worth losing your GF over? She might feel like you're choosing $$$ and a roommate over her, which would be a valid point. Relationships are all about communication and compromsie, not PowerPoint presentations.

If this is a valid concern, the OP should break up with her now.  If she's going to be his wife, she needs to learn that him saving money is the same as her saving money. 

With that said, I lived with roommates after college and it was fine with me while I was single, but its always awkward with a girlfriend.  I would also never want to rent a room from a couple, particularly if we had to share a bathroom. 

ender

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #16 on: September 22, 2016, 06:37:34 AM »
Consider an alternative perspective:

Quote
My boyfriend has been trying to get me to move in with him to save money combined. I'm all for saving money, but it's really awkward because he has a current roommate. He wants to keep a roommate when I move in.

I'm not really comfortable moving into a small apartment with another person I barely know. But my boyfriend seems to only be focused on the money aspect and doesn't care about anything other than this.

Should I be worried that he is so obsessed about the money that he is ignoring what feels really uncomfortable to me? It feels really awkward to move in with my boyfriend and another random person and all my boyfriend can talk about is saving some money. It feels like my concerns don't matter and that the most important thing to him is more money. He knows I don't like this idea but just keeps talking about the money.

Last night he put a powerpoint together and tried to convince my like I'm a 5 year old. It felt really condescending and controlling and I'm worried that if we get married our entire marriage is going to be him trampling on my preferences and not trying to understand what I want, all for the sake of money. It feels like a huge red flag to have a potential future "partner" put together a presentation and act like I'm a complete idiot, especially when he hasn't really tried to understand my thoughts about the subject.

Has anyone else dated someone who is so focused on money? Should I be concerned?
« Last Edit: September 22, 2016, 06:47:01 AM by ender »

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #17 on: September 22, 2016, 06:40:37 AM »
If the roommate situation doesn't go well, is this worth losing your GF over? She might feel like you're choosing $$$ and a roommate over her, which would be a valid point. Relationships are all about communication and compromsie, not PowerPoint presentations.

If this is a valid concern, the OP should break up with her now.  If she's going to be his wife, she needs to learn that him saving money is the same as her saving money. 

With that said, I lived with roommates after college and it was fine with me while I was single, but its always awkward with a girlfriend.  I would also never want to rent a room from a couple, particularly if we had to share a bathroom.

That's a bit extreme. Some people are just private. I've been the driving force for "financial reform" in our marriage, but I also really don't like living with roommates. As a general rule in my life, I've lived in small studios rather than have to have a non-SO roommate. (and living in small Sq Ft and then in the ghetto did indeed let us save to buy a house. Temporarily lived with my Brother as a roommate, and it sucked majorly). I save a lot of money in other ways- I just don't want to compromise my living situation via another person. Location, size, etc? Fine.

Anyway, all that to say that just because she doesn't want a roommate in order to really optimize savings, doesn't mean she automatically needs to be dumped out on the curb.

Miss Piggy

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #18 on: September 22, 2016, 07:20:28 AM »
Consider an alternative perspective:

Quote
My boyfriend has been trying to get me to move in with him to save money combined. I'm all for saving money, but it's really awkward because he has a current roommate. He wants to keep a roommate when I move in.

I'm not really comfortable moving into a small apartment with another person I barely know. But my boyfriend seems to only be focused on the money aspect and doesn't care about anything other than this.

Should I be worried that he is so obsessed about the money that he is ignoring what feels really uncomfortable to me? It feels really awkward to move in with my boyfriend and another random person and all my boyfriend can talk about is saving some money. It feels like my concerns don't matter and that the most important thing to him is more money. He knows I don't like this idea but just keeps talking about the money.

Last night he put a powerpoint together and tried to convince my like I'm a 5 year old. It felt really condescending and controlling and I'm worried that if we get married our entire marriage is going to be him trampling on my preferences and not trying to understand what I want, all for the sake of money. It feels like a huge red flag to have a potential future "partner" put together a presentation and act like I'm a complete idiot, especially when he hasn't really tried to understand my thoughts about the subject.

Has anyone else dated someone who is so focused on money? Should I be concerned?

I'd like to add:

Quote
Also, I've been living by myself for several years, and I really like the independence. I don't think my boyfriend truly understands how difficult it's going to be for me to get used to living with not just one person (whom I care about), but two people, one of whom is a complete stranger.

rothwem

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #19 on: September 22, 2016, 07:36:43 AM »

That's a bit extreme. Some people are just private. I've been the driving force for "financial reform" in our marriage, but I also really don't like living with roommates. As a general rule in my life, I've lived in small studios rather than have to have a non-SO roommate. (and living in small Sq Ft and then in the ghetto did indeed let us save to buy a house. Temporarily lived with my Brother as a roommate, and it sucked majorly). I save a lot of money in other ways- I just don't want to compromise my living situation via another person. Location, size, etc? Fine.

Anyway, all that to say that just because she doesn't want a roommate in order to really optimize savings, doesn't mean she automatically needs to be dumped out on the curb.

I think you misunderstand what I'm saying. 

If she doesn't want a roommate because she feels like the OP is "choosing money over her", then he ought to run, because that would indicate that she just doesn't get it and they're not operating as a team.

If she's just a private person and doesn't want to live with roommates, then she ought to present it that way and then they can work together to figure out a solution.  I'm thinking that probably the solution is to drop the lease at the OP's place and have the both of them move into her place if she doesn't want to rent to roommates. 

ender

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #20 on: September 22, 2016, 07:53:18 AM »
If she doesn't want a roommate because she feels like the OP is "choosing money over her", then he ought to run, because that would indicate that she just doesn't get it and they're not operating as a team.

Someone mandating to their "future wife" a decree that "we're going to do this thing you disagree with, I don't care what you think or why as it's more important to me to save money than have your understanding -- or I'm leaving you" seems a bit... of a problem.



neophyte

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #21 on: September 22, 2016, 08:14:33 AM »
You will have less sex. You will have tamer sex. Still want to have a roommate?

From my perspective, $850 sounds like a pretty fantastic deal for a 1 bedroom apartment. Have you considered moving in with your girlfriend?

I've done the shared apartment thing when I was in a long distance relationship and I always found it uncomfortable. I'm a pretty private person and I wouldn't want to move in with an SO and a roommate. I'm low income, so I would consider it only under the condition that there was a master bedroom with an attached bath that we didn't need to share.  I've even told an SO that I was considering moving in with that we shouldn't move in together until we were in good enough financial shape that we could afford our own place.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2016, 08:16:25 AM by neophyte »

piethief

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #22 on: September 22, 2016, 09:29:32 AM »
Happy wife, happy life.

undercover

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #23 on: September 22, 2016, 10:02:25 AM »
Let's start with the obvious here.  Do you have permission from your landlord to sublease out the room?  Or are you doing it illegally?

I can't imagine a landlord will lease to you undermarket only for you to sublease it out at market rate.

This is what I was thinking. It sounds like the current tenant is not on the lease. Then again - how could the tenant be? There's no way they'd pay what they're paying to share a place if they knew what the total rent was. OP runs a risk of getting evicted as it is (probably why he doesn't want to do Airbnb).

Evie

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #24 on: September 22, 2016, 11:50:41 AM »
I think you already have the pitch down. Ultimately, the best thing going for you is that she is a grad student, which means she will be price conscious.  You guys could set the time limit as something you will do until she is through school. She may get used to it and want to continue.  Also, saving for a house is great, but if that is going to take years maybe set aside $100 a month for a vacation that you can take sooner than that so you can actually have some short term benefits of the arrangement as well.   

I think the challenge will be if she isn't used to living with a roommate, and you are trying to adjust to living as a couple at the same time. For that reason alone it might not be worth the money.

Also, consider trying it out as a short term sublet so that if it doesn't work, you aren't stuck in a situation you can't control, or you don't end up leaving your renter in a lurch if girlfriend backs out.

My DH and I lived with my brother in law for a year, and then had another friend live with us temporarily for a month and a half.  Overall, it was a good experience.  I would totally live with a roommate again, but he only wants to do it if it is a friend or family member.  DH just needs a lot more privacy, and for him the freedom of being able to do whatever whenever in his own home was more important than the money.   
 

waltworks

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #25 on: September 22, 2016, 12:09:30 PM »
My wife and I had a few roommates (all people we already knew who needed a place to stay for <6 months) when we were both grad students 10 years ago. Wow, I feel old.

It was always a bit awkward, especially because most of them were really more my friends than hers. There's a lot of benefit to privacy (wink, wink) when you're a young couple.

The powerpoint idea is dumb. There's quite a bit more to life than money and if you're both in grad school now, your financial futures are bright. No need to pinch pennies now and upset your SO. She's aware of your preferences, current living situation, your money situation, and the spare room. If she wants to utilize it to make extra money, she'll let you know. Let her take the lead.

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braingrenades

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #26 on: September 22, 2016, 02:35:49 PM »
Let's start with the obvious here.  Do you have permission from your landlord to sublease out the room?  Or are you doing it illegally?

I can't imagine a landlord will lease to you undermarket only for you to sublease it out at market rate.
I can relate to this post. I lived in an LA apartment for a decade a long, long time ago. The first roomie and I split the rent and the deposit. When she left, with the LL's consent, I refunded her deposit and became the master leaseholder. Thereafter, all roomies went through me, not the LL. I was a good tenant, so several times the LL didn't raise the rent, though they could have. Each time I got a new roomie, the split grew more and more in my favor. It was never quite as good as the OP's, but it really helped me save for my first house.

LA has an interesting kind of rent control. When a unit is vacated, LL gets to charge market rate. Upon annual renewals, increases are capped at 2-3% on average. Stay for a long time, be a good tenant, manage the roommates so the LL doesn't have to get involved. You end up paying the small half of the rent, and roomie still pays a very fair amount, based on current market rates. Perfectly legal, as long as it's not expressly prohibited in the lease.

I was close to UCLA, and also preferred grad students or recent grads who had good starter jobs. I am still friends with all but one or two of them.

Back to you, OP. I did not see if the unit has only one bath. Also, do the bedrooms have a common wall? If so, this will be a tough sell. I find it interesting that GF is a student and lives alone. How does she afford that? Does she have lots of SLs?

I suspect you're going to need more than a PP presentation. I'd suggest giving her complete say in roommate selection and also bribery/rewards. Another long shot, but you-never-know would be if there's another long timer in the building with a bigger unit who might be willing to swap while you both hold on to your below market rates. Extremely long shot, but stranger things have happened.

Thanks again for all the responses. It's important to take into account the location. Think living in LA, NY, San Fran, etc. and the costs of living in these areas. I don't mean to be offensive but if you haven't lived in a high rent area like this you probably just won't get it.  A buddy of mine literally lived in a closet when he was in Santa Monica. I forget how much he was paying but for that area it was an absolute steal. Elsewhere in the country he certainly could have rented a multi-room apartment or possibly even a home for that amount.  In his same apartment people were in line to rent their converted living room space. I've had friends that went to Cal (UC Berkeley) and were renting living rooms for over $1000/month.  I say all of this just to put things in perspective.  I live in a very expensive area and have had been lucky enough to stay put in the same place over many years as prices have risen. I live within WALKING DISTANCE to the beach in Southern California. My girlfriend lives in what I would consider an okay area but in no way shape or form compares to my location. In her neighborhood you might be lucky and get a very small and old home for a around $400K. Where I live you can't even get a one bedroom condo for that price. 

I'm quoting this particular post because we're on the same page and in a very similar situation. My gf is a Super Woman. She works, goes to grad school, and is doing an internship. She did work full-time while in grad school but now with an internship had to cut down to Per Diem. This adds uncertainty and impacts her income in a negative way.  Roommate or not, I do not want to give up this place until we're in the position to buy (even if we have to buy in a cheaper area). She's up for moving in which is great. She MIGHT even be up for trying out a roommate. The unit is small and yes the 2 bedrooms share one wall and yes there is only 1 bathroom (also to address it my gf does have about $40K in student loans!). However, there's nobody above us or below us and we're an end unit. For the area, this place is golden. She already spends the weekends over here WITH my roommate around.

I'm a Mustachian and I'm looking for other Mustachians to chime in about ways to be smart as well as uber efficient FINANCIALLY. I do appreciate the responses but the conversation is diverging from my original objective.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2016, 02:53:42 PM by braingrenades »

fishnfool

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #27 on: September 22, 2016, 06:46:53 PM »
I rented out a room in my house before we got married. The lack of privacy was something neither of us wanted to deal with.
But..we both owned a home already. So I do see your desire to be able to save for a house might be worth the compromise. If she is in agreement I say try it out!

Sailor Sam

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #28 on: September 22, 2016, 07:13:51 PM »
I don't think there's any way to fully separate emotion and finances. Especially when discussion the conversion of a significant other.

The approach in your first post sounds manipulative and dictatorial. You probably didn't intend it to be, but the hint of manipulation remains. There's a lot of what you want, and how you see the world, and silence from her perspective. That's troublesome.

Like many before me, I suggest drop the powerpoint in favour of having a relaxed discussion with your lady-friend. Seek out her opinion, without trying to change it. Once you fully understand her reasoning, lay out your reasons for wanting a roommate. I think if you go in with an open heart, instead of a logical mind, you could find a compromise. Maybe term limits, or types of roommate. That kind of stuff. I'm sure you love your girlfriend; here's your chance to be a standup guy, and show her. It could be a true relationship building evolution.

Miss Piggy

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #29 on: September 22, 2016, 07:21:37 PM »
I do appreciate the responses but the conversation is diverging from my original objective.

That happens a lot around here. ;)

waltworks

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #30 on: September 22, 2016, 07:45:02 PM »
I'm a Mustachian and I'm looking for other Mustachians to chime in about ways to be smart as well as uber efficient FINANCIALLY. I do appreciate the responses but the conversation is diverging from my original objective.

Look, you could both live in cardboard boxes behind Taco John's, right? Think of the savings!

Life is not money. You will be rolling in money in 10 years. Do you want this relationship to be awesome, or do you want to prioritize money over happiness? Because it sort of sounds like you've missed the point of the whole site - which is *not to be a slave to money*. Sometimes that means scrimping/saving/not buying/working your ass off. But you can only get to that point by making an honest assessment of how to *use money optimally to make yourself happy*.

Talk to your GF over a glass of wine. Ditch the PP. If she seems negative about the idea, DROP IT.

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englishteacheralex

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #31 on: September 22, 2016, 07:52:03 PM »
My now-husband was the roommate of the couple in a similar situation that you describe. I met him through the couple. He lived there for a year and then moved out to marry me.

I don't think anyone was 100% wild about the arrangement (pretty cramped quarters), but they were all friends and got along well. The couple was our best man/bridesmaid. We are all still good friends. Having an end date in mind for being a roommate helped a lot, I think.

The couple joked about how nice it was when my husband moved out. :) They always say they're going to put a plaque on his door to commemorate him (they still live there).

Bicycle_B

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #32 on: September 22, 2016, 09:59:32 PM »

I'm a Mustachian and I'm looking for other Mustachians to chime in about ways to be smart as well as uber efficient FINANCIALLY. I do appreciate the responses but the conversation is diverging from my original objective.

OP, you have a firm grasp of the numbers and have a beautiful apartment, plus currently a situation where you get great financial benefit from the roommate. 

Obviously it's tempting to have Significant Other drop her apartment, move in with you and save all of her rent by continuing to have the third roommate.  Sounds like uber maximization of finance, plus great apartment, right?

If the conversation is diverging because others say this is unwise in relationship terms, maybe they're making a financial point:  some maximizations are pound wise, penny foolish.  The attempt to be "uber efficient" may not be "smart" at all in the context you describe.  In other words, they are suggesting that your plans as stated may not be the best way to achieve the goal of these financial dealings - financial independence with future wife.

You appear to disagree with this viewpoint.  That's your right.  You don't have to agree, even with financially thoughtful people who have experience - experience that might be relevant. But the view expressed does address the situation you described.  Also, you discussed giving her a PowerPoint.  Multiple posters suggested not to do it.  Whether you agree with these posters or not, their answers responded to your post.

Best of luck regardless of what you decide!




Villanelle

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #33 on: September 22, 2016, 10:06:15 PM »
So you won't compromise on your great place within walking distance of the beach, but she's supposed to bend on the roommate thing?  Again, do you not see how that comes off as pretty selfish?  Her need for privacy is expendable for the sake of saving money, but the non-money things you value are sacrosanct and therefore not up for consideration?


Miss Piggy

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #34 on: September 23, 2016, 06:41:26 AM »
Okay...back to your question about the PowerPoint. I think that's a bad idea...it could easily come across as condescending, like "I went to all this trouble to convince you of ABC..."

Honestly, I think a better idea was suggested above: talk about it over dinner with a nice glass of wine, or whatever you two would appreciate. Put together a simple Excel file that shows the hard numbers and how much you two would save over a couple of years by having a roommate (perhaps show one column without roommate, one column with roommate for comparison). Don't make it too fancy...just make it look like something you put together "on the fly" because you yourself were curious about the numbers (too fancy and it'll become like the PowerPoint idea).

As you're talking at dinner, have that Excel spreadsheet ready to be opened (but take a minute to "look for it" so it's not painfully obvious that you're making a presentation) on your phone as a way to share your excitement about the numbers, and as a way to make those numbers seem real. Avoid making this a "hard sell," but be excited about the possibility, and show some simple numbers to demonstrate why you're excited and how the (somewhat) temporary inconvenience/awkwardness of a roommate will help you both get to the light at the end of the tunnel faster. Acknowledge the awkwardness of the roommate situation and acknowledge whatever concerns she brings up. Make sure she feels heard. Then let it go for a few days so she can digest the information. Give her time to think about the numbers and get excited about the possibility of saving all that money. Give her time to meet you where you already are.

K-ice

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #35 on: September 23, 2016, 11:39:00 AM »
I'm a Mustachian and I'm looking for other Mustachians to chime in about ways to be smart as well as uber efficient FINANCIALLY. I do appreciate the responses but the conversation is diverging from my original objective.

Your GF is smart. But is she Mustacian too? I am in favor of the roommate thing even if I had three different experiences 2 bad.

Just be careful who you two pick.  I would also include a 6 month renewal clause in-case things go sideways. Does she like your current roommate? Would they stay?

I imagine the roommate would want to pay a bit less with three of you or at least split utilities 3-ways now.

Rent $1225, roommate $925, leaving $300 for you two.  She paid $850 alone so now that is an extra $700 to go towards her debt or your long term savings.

Maybe you two should open a "joint" future house account. I find "joint" accounts romantic. Seriously. No sarcasm.  Keep your own personal accounts but this is your future together.  If you each put in $500 a month you will have $12,000 in just one year. Do you make a lot more than her? Maybe you should put in savings proportional to your incomes. If you share expenses proportional or 50:50 is another discussion you should have before you move in together.

If you keep living like "students" your first few years out of school your savings can really grow and you will probably have the down payment for your own home 2 years out of school. If you have no roommate and spend every penny now and let lifestyle creep come in then home ownership will take much longer.  Especially in your HCOL area.

I am not opposed to you running two scenarios and showing her on paper, PowerPoint, Excel whatever the differences are.
Maybe numbers are not emotional etc but trust me girls can get it. Sure, you should talk to her in general about the situation but eventually she should see the numbers and find value in them. Don't force her in a chair and bring out a laser pointer. But on the couch, snuggled-up, she can look over your shoulder at your lap-top kinda thing.         

Someone above said " There's quite a bit more to life than money and if you're both in grad school now, your financial futures are bright. No need to pinch pennies now and upset your SO. "

I disagree. Sure there is more to life than money agreed. Quality time with GF is important and living together you will have more of that. That is why if your roommate is home be prepared with an insta-pick-nick kit so you two can go to the beach and have some alone time. I imagine the weather is nice enough you can do this quite often. Or just taking the time to walk by the beach as a couple alone for 30 min after dinner will probably be enough to really bond and get away from the roommate briefly. I image she will have homework and thesis work to do some evenings so make the room in your bedroom for that. She may want to "nest" a bit in your "new to her" apartment. Help her with that.
 
Now is a great time to build penny pinching habits. Sure don't dumpster dive and be ridiculous about things.  But now is the perfect time to be living within your current minimal student means and setting common goals.  Finding work after grad studies can also be a challenge. Don't assume she will make the big bucks when done. I am not sure what field she is in, but there can be years of post-docs & contracts before something good comes along.   

My friend did a Grad degree in Law in NYC. Had $100K+ debt. Got a pretty good job with an NGO doing more humanitarian law stuff. Decent money but not huge bucks for a NYC lawyer. She kept up her frugal student living and put a down payment on a NYC apartment after about 5years. It's a 1 bedroom and she has done some creative renting of the place when she travels for work. 5 more years later she has it paid in full.

That is just an example of grad school, crazy HCOL area, lots of student debt, frugal living, roommates, home owner and mortgage free all within a decade.

Another grad student couple, small apartments, they alternated grad school and work making no more than $60K total a year. Took on the odd roommate here and there depending on things. After 4 years bought a duplex. The 1/2 duplex they lived in was not much different than the student rentals. Another 4 years later they bought a house. So they rented both sides of duplex. 6 years later and about 10 years out of Grad School they are mortgage free on their house.

I really think keeping up with the "student" lifestyle is a great plan for a few years our of school. It has allowed people I know to achieve mortgage freedom (Not yet FIRE) much sooner than if life creep sets in too soon.
 




Lmoot

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #36 on: September 29, 2016, 07:25:04 PM »
Piggybacking on what Villanelle said, why is it more important to be by the beach, but she doesn't get to enjoy her privacy? Don't hide behind your frugality OP. You and everyone in this room knows that the MOST "Mustachian" thing to do is move in with your girlfriend. Your bit about how lucky you are to find this place due to the raise in rent prices makes no sense since it's implying that you can't find anything cheaper (like your girlfriend's spot). The key thing though is you want "this place"; you are willing to trade money for your wants, but her "wants" are somehow not valuable (literally...you plan to show how unworthy her desires are via a PP).

The PowerPoint idea is a clueless one at its most innocent, and manipulative at its most sinister. Highlighting how much her preference costs insinuates that it is her decision, and her decision alone, which will somehow block the opportunity to save money. Completely leaving out the fact that you seem unwilling to move, which ironically has a higher cost than her desire for privacy. The raising rent price also doesn't make sense since it's not like you plan on living there long-term...by your own admission, you intend to purchase property ASAP.....and that's what this whole thing is (supposedly) about.

So this is what you should do IMO. Present the facts, but ALL the facts (and not in a freakin' PowerPoint like you're her damn professor....like she doesn't get enough of that in class), and let her make the decision. I would absolutely HATE for my boyfriend to give me a mathematical presentation, because it would be as if 1) they assume my decision is based on my inability to comprehend simple arithmetic so a detailed "mansplanation" is in order or 2) He knows how I feel and why I feel that way, but money is more important than my comfort/privacy/opinion etc . Plus it would make me paranoid about when the next time the dreaded PP would make its next appearance...like if I prefer one wedding option over another, or prefer one vacation over another, or......

Try presenting the following options to her:

1) You move into her place. You get the savings you want (more actually, than with your proposal), and she gets the privacy she wanted.

2) She moves into your place, with a roommate. She loses privacy, but gets to live close to the beach. You get to save the money you wanted and stay in your desired location.

Maybe she's willing to go along with the roommate, if she gets to enjoy proximity to the beach. Maybe she might surprise you and be understanding and supportive of the student lifestyle of roommates. Though don't overestimate her comfort based on "weekends at your place"; it's very different when that becomes the only option. And why do you only spend weekends at your place? Is there a particular reason? Privacy perhaps?  If it's that important to you to save the money, then put your money where your mouth is.

Then there is the possibility that the beach isn't as important to her, as being able to spend time with you alone (and yes, sex with a roommate in the house is much, much less...less spontaneous, less loud, less sex). If that's the case, do you have the balls to tell her that money AND the beach is more important to you, than she is? Seriously though, you mentioned the beach more than you mentioned your girlfriend. It sounds like you want your cake, to eat it too, and for everyone else to eat it and be happy about it even if it's your favorite flavor, and not theirs.

ETA: Also, you are completely ignoring the dangers of a couple never having lived together, on the precipice of a life-changing event (impending engagement), by compounding the situation by adding another person to the living space. At the very least let a few months go by for you two to get used to living together, before bringing it up. She's going from living by herself, to living with you, and you want to shove another person (likely a stranger) at her also.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2016, 03:14:19 AM by Lmoot »

englishteacheralex

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #37 on: September 30, 2016, 09:08:55 AM »
Piggybacking on what Villanelle said, why is it more important to be by the beach, but she doesn't get to enjoy her privacy? Don't hide behind your frugality OP. You and everyone in this room knows that the MOST "Mustachian" thing to do is move in with your girlfriend. Your bit about how lucky you are to find this place due to the raise in rent prices makes no sense since it's implying that you can't find anything cheaper (like your girlfriend's spot). The key thing though is you want "this place"; you are willing to trade money for your wants, but her "wants" are somehow not valuable (literally...you plan to show how unworthy her desires are via a PP).

The PowerPoint idea is a clueless one at its most innocent, and manipulative at its most sinister. Highlighting how much her preference costs insinuates that it is her decision, and her decision alone, which will somehow block the opportunity to save money. Completely leaving out the fact that you seem unwilling to move, which ironically has a higher cost than her desire for privacy. The raising rent price also doesn't make sense since it's not like you plan on living there long-term...by your own admission, you intend to purchase property ASAP.....and that's what this whole thing is (supposedly) about.

So this is what you should do IMO. Present the facts, but ALL the facts (and not in a freakin' PowerPoint like you're her damn professor....like she doesn't get enough of that in class), and let her make the decision. I would absolutely HATE for my boyfriend to give me a mathematical presentation, because it would be as if 1) they assume my decision is based on my inability to comprehend simple arithmetic so a detailed "mansplanation" is in order or 2) He knows how I feel and why I feel that way, but money is more important than my comfort/privacy/opinion etc . Plus it would make me paranoid about when the next time the dreaded PP would make its next appearance...like if I prefer one wedding option over another, or prefer one vacation over another, or......

Try presenting the following options to her:

1) You move into her place. You get the savings you want (more actually, than with your proposal), and she gets the privacy she wanted.

2) She moves into your place, with a roommate. She loses privacy, but gets to live close to the beach. You get to save the money you wanted and stay in your desired location.

Maybe she's willing to go along with the roommate, if she gets to enjoy proximity to the beach. Maybe she might surprise you and be understanding and supportive of the student lifestyle of roommates. Though don't overestimate her comfort based on "weekends at your place"; it's very different when that becomes the only option. And why do you only spend weekends at your place? Is there a particular reason? Privacy perhaps?  If it's that important to you to save the money, then put your money where your mouth is.

Then there is the possibility that the beach isn't as important to her, as being able to spend time with you alone (and yes, sex with a roommate in the house is much, much less...less spontaneous, less loud, less sex). If that's the case, do you have the balls to tell her that money AND the beach is more important to you, than she is? Seriously though, you mentioned the beach more than you mentioned your girlfriend. It sounds like you want your cake, to eat it too, and for everyone else to eat it and be happy about it even if it's your favorite flavor, and not theirs.

ETA: Also, you are completely ignoring the dangers of a couple never having lived together, on the precipice of a life-changing event (impending engagement), by compounding the situation by adding another person to the living space. At the very least let a few months go by for you two to get used to living together, before bringing it up. She's going from living by herself, to living with you, and you want to shove another person (likely a stranger) at her also.

Oh, wow. This is brilliant advice. Super insightful. I have an even more difficult point to consider: moving in with someone without being married to them is so common that few people give it a second thought. But personally, I would never, ever do it. And this is one of the reasons--you have this uncertainty hovering over the relationship--you don't know if it's really going to last. You could do what she wants and move into her place, six months later you guys could break up, and then nooooooooo amazing apartment is gone, never to return!

But this mindset is really hedging your bets. You're making the apartment equal or maybe even greater in importance than your commitment to your girlfriend. Not a recipe for relationship satisfaction!

Meh, on second thought, skip the lecture about shacking up. That's my own personal thing. Focus on what your desires are unconsciously communicating to her about your priorities. Maybe just look for a new apartment together, and be ok with sub-optimizing on rent for the greater good of optimizing the relationship. A strong, committed partnership is a huge boon for one's net worth.

Enigma

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #38 on: October 04, 2016, 10:47:35 AM »
From past experience, I have convinced my ex-wife when I could compromise and show realistic goals for both of us.

Like you said, you want to own a home in S. Cali...  That should be the goal.  Saving up for that goal should be at least the down payment (say 20%).  I would state that it isn't a long term solution but a solution with a means to an end.  Once you have what you need (Maybe 100k of 500k purchase) then you both can move on to the next chapter of your lives.

clarkfan1979

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #39 on: October 05, 2016, 01:52:41 AM »
If your girlfriend moves in and you split the rent & utilities 50/50, it seems like your expenses would go up from $250 to $700, a difference of $450.

If it doesn't work out, she moves and you go back to getting a 2nd roommate. It doesn't seem like a huge risk to forfeit the roommate on a temporary basis. You also don't know how long the under market rent is going to last.

Is she worth it to you to spend an extra $450/month. Would you be compromising your FIRE goals?

I love my wife, but I told her that I wouldn't propose until she got rid of her credit card debt. If she didn't do it, we probably would have never gotten married. That might seem cold, but I think it's important to be on the same page.

Megma

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #40 on: October 08, 2016, 08:01:13 PM »
I'm gonna chime in as my fiancé and I did this. We bought a house and rented out the other room. I have the mustache, he wasn't crazy about the idea but agreed to try it.

I think you will have a challenge because there's only 1 bathroom, this is hard when you mingle genders and not everyone in the house can see everyone else naked. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about this. She might prefer to rent to other women as a result.

I would focus on the following points:

-You said you have a month to month lease, this is key, tell her if she doesn't like anyone you'll ask them to leave. Period.
-Talk about how this will help you build your life together, not just save but to get the things you both or more importantly she wants. Is it important to her that you buy a house one day? Talk about how this temporary choice will help you do that. And how much earlier. For example, you will have enough for a downpayment in x years. Bc of how prices are there, I would probably not plan to have the roommate situation the whole time but presumably she'll get job when she's done with school.
-I would also say that, this is temporary and you don't expect her to live this way forever to save. See if she is willing to try it for a year or six months and see how it goes and if she's unhappy, the roommate will move out.

As I said we had a roommate and it was good for us, we saved up for our first rental property but we eventually got tired of it and asked him to move out.

dilinger

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #41 on: October 08, 2016, 08:26:46 PM »
You will have less sex. You will have tamer sex. Still want to have a roommate?


Good practice for having (a) kid(s), though....














:(

GoConfidently

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #42 on: October 08, 2016, 08:33:25 PM »
If you know she's not going to go for it, why not approach it from another angle and see how you two can trim the difference from your combined budget? Or wait until she graduates and gets a job with a higher salary?

LadyStache in Baja

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #43 on: October 08, 2016, 08:45:06 PM »
Piggybacking on what Villanelle said, why is it more important to be by the beach, but she doesn't get to enjoy her privacy? Don't hide behind your frugality OP. You and everyone in this room knows that the MOST "Mustachian" thing to do is move in with your girlfriend. Your bit about how lucky you are to find this place due to the raise in rent prices makes no sense since it's implying that you can't find anything cheaper (like your girlfriend's spot). The key thing though is you want "this place"; you are willing to trade money for your wants, but her "wants" are somehow not valuable (literally...you plan to show how unworthy her desires are via a PP).

The PowerPoint idea is a clueless one at its most innocent, and manipulative at its most sinister. Highlighting how much her preference costs insinuates that it is her decision, and her decision alone, which will somehow block the opportunity to save money. Completely leaving out the fact that you seem unwilling to move, which ironically has a higher cost than her desire for privacy. The raising rent price also doesn't make sense since it's not like you plan on living there long-term...by your own admission, you intend to purchase property ASAP.....and that's what this whole thing is (supposedly) about.

So this is what you should do IMO. Present the facts, but ALL the facts (and not in a freakin' PowerPoint like you're her damn professor....like she doesn't get enough of that in class), and let her make the decision. I would absolutely HATE for my boyfriend to give me a mathematical presentation, because it would be as if 1) they assume my decision is based on my inability to comprehend simple arithmetic so a detailed "mansplanation" is in order or 2) He knows how I feel and why I feel that way, but money is more important than my comfort/privacy/opinion etc . Plus it would make me paranoid about when the next time the dreaded PP would make its next appearance...like if I prefer one wedding option over another, or prefer one vacation over another, or......

Try presenting the following options to her:

1) You move into her place. You get the savings you want (more actually, than with your proposal), and she gets the privacy she wanted.

2) She moves into your place, with a roommate. She loses privacy, but gets to live close to the beach. You get to save the money you wanted and stay in your desired location.

Maybe she's willing to go along with the roommate, if she gets to enjoy proximity to the beach. Maybe she might surprise you and be understanding and supportive of the student lifestyle of roommates. Though don't overestimate her comfort based on "weekends at your place"; it's very different when that becomes the only option. And why do you only spend weekends at your place? Is there a particular reason? Privacy perhaps?  If it's that important to you to save the money, then put your money where your mouth is.

Then there is the possibility that the beach isn't as important to her, as being able to spend time with you alone (and yes, sex with a roommate in the house is much, much less...less spontaneous, less loud, less sex). If that's the case, do you have the balls to tell her that money AND the beach is more important to you, than she is? Seriously though, you mentioned the beach more than you mentioned your girlfriend. It sounds like you want your cake, to eat it too, and for everyone else to eat it and be happy about it even if it's your favorite flavor, and not theirs.

ETA: Also, you are completely ignoring the dangers of a couple never having lived together, on the precipice of a life-changing event (impending engagement), by compounding the situation by adding another person to the living space. At the very least let a few months go by for you two to get used to living together, before bringing it up. She's going from living by herself, to living with you, and you want to shove another person (likely a stranger) at her also.

+1

terratek

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Re: Help me convince my girlfriend/future wife to rent our 2nd bedroom
« Reply #44 on: October 09, 2016, 06:52:37 PM »
" I already know she's not going to go for it." 

Than why press the issue?  I bet she'd be irritated to know you are enlisting the help of strangers to find ways to make her realize how wrong she is.  Money is important, but it's not everything. 

Just have her pay 850.  You'll be 225 less than before.  Attribute that to a convenience cost for your relationship.  Or just don't move in together.  Why do that before you are married, anyway? The only reason to live together if you are not married is convenience.  You don't want to create financial dependencies with a girlfriend IMO.