The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Reader Recommendations => Topic started by: DrVanNostrand on April 24, 2018, 12:33:25 PM
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I have a 30 y-o daughter, great career, decent income, but can't control spending and has about $25k in debt with no plan for repayment.
She disclosed these debts to me, her father, about two months ago. She's suppressed a lot of guilt and embarrassment. I'm not allowed to tell her grandparents or boyfriend for example.
I crafted a plan that would get her to $0 debt in four years, and requires her to cut her daily spending to about $25/day.
She can't seem to do it. Her daily avg. is more than double that amount.
It has become a case where she is blaming her father for meddling. I "just don't understand her lifestyle."
Writing is on the wall and she's not going to change while I'm her financial advisor.
Any recommendations for small-scale short term financial advisors for a young woman like this?
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Have someone else try to get her to read this:
http://jlcollinsnh.com/2011/06/08/how-i-failed-my-daughter-and-a-simple-path-to-wealth/
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Instead of making a plan for her, why not help HER to make a plan for herself? You can lead a horse to water, etc etc. Of course she doesn't stick to whatever plan you've concocted. Its nothing she has chosen for herself, and honestly, you DON'T understand her lifestyle.
A potentially good resource: https://www.ohmydollar.com is personal finance advice/help and is run by a fellow forum member. They recently put together a workbook that I've really enjoyed. I've also heard very positive things about the class, but haven't done it myself.
For this (or anything) to work, you have to get buy-in from your daughter. I would send a link to your daughter and say that it seemed interesting, does she think it would be useful or helpful. If she's interested, you will purchase it for her.
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To me there seems to be a deeper issues than just money management. Is she spending to fulfill an emotional need that is not being met? The statement of guilt and embarrassment about the debt are big signs that it is not a simple matter of just being able to follow a budget.
I would start with accepting the situation instead of putting a budget in place that she might not be mentally or emotionally ready to follow. Instead really try to understand why she is continuing her behavior even though she is feeling guilty and embarrassed by it. It's similar to someone that has a unhealthy diet, they know it is not healthy, but continue to do it because they are compensating or using food as a coping mechanism for another underlying issue.
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Great stuff. Thank you.
Yes, there are some mental health issues she has worked hard to successfully overcome in many ways. I'm proud of her for that.
She recently re-started counseling and medication. She has gone through several cycles of having a crisis, seeking help, getting better, announcing herself fully recovered (thereby ceasing counseling and ceasing prescribed medicines), cruising along for months or years, wash-rinse-repeat.
I will encourage her to set her own plan; once she (hopefully) proceeds down that path I will show her the list of advice from J Collins.
Best wishes to you all.