Author Topic: What do you tell people you do? Do people believe you are retired?  (Read 6609 times)


  • Walrus Stache
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Re: What do you tell people you do? Do people believe you are retired?
« Reply #50 on: October 28, 2020, 02:04:21 PM »
I told a group of people that I'm a leech on society.. That did not go well with DW, so I might have to modify that one..:)

Mrs. Healthywealth

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Re: What do you tell people you do? Do people believe you are retired?
« Reply #51 on: November 11, 2020, 09:32:59 AM »
This is all helpful to read. We are in our early 40’s. When I recently began to mention to people that I will retire, they say, “you’re so young. Why would you want to do that?” So much judgement in those words because these folks are very hard working, highly educated, wealthy people, who either want to help society or are married to their job title-it works for them.

Now that we are moving in with my MIL, I assume people will think we can FIRE cause we don’t have a housing expense. But, the goal was alway to FIRE based off our current spending that includes mortgage, not what we will be spending once we move.

Some of this is cultural, and I already know the covert messages from people are “you aren’t doing it correctly” “you’re not contributing to society”, but my counter thought is alway about self-care and how a healthy human can contribute a lot without having to work. Positive energy alone goes a long way!


  • Walrus Stache
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Re: What do you tell people you do? Do people believe you are retired?
« Reply #52 on: November 11, 2020, 10:09:34 AM »
I retired at 58 and my husband at 53 because he got laid off. We both do some consulting and tell the truth.If I was as young as you I would say you consult to avoid the judgment. 

Sun Hat

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Re: What do you tell people you do? Do people believe you are retired?
« Reply #53 on: November 12, 2020, 06:33:01 AM »
Are you just honest and say that you are retired?

Do you say that you are an investor? That you work from home? That you are an efficiency consultant?

For FIRE’d parents, do people insist on telling you that you are a stay-at-home parent instead of retired even if your kids are in daycare or school?

If your spouse still works, do people think you are a leech?

If you are honest, how do you stay protective of your time and keep family members from expecting things from you in the middle of the day just because you do not have a conventional job? Do people bother you for money once they find out you are retired?

1) Yes. At first, I told people that I was burnt out and taking a break, but that led to people assuming that I was looking for work. So, to try to stop people from offering me jobs, I just stick to the plain facts. I'm retired.

2) Nope. To hell with anyone who looks down their noses!

3) N/A though I sometimes jokingly call myself a stay-at-home dog butler.

4) N/A though I get a lot of snide "oooh, that must be nice" comments when I say that I have a military pension. It bothered me at first until I realized that they had had the opportunity to join and instead chose a more comfortable life.

5) Yes. People do bother me for my time, but I've had to become better at saying "no". One thing that really used to be an issue was the assumption that I could be everyone's emergency/last minute babysitter. I caved on that one several times, but took a really hard stance after a few nightmare experiences. Now, my rule with kids is that I will look after children ONLY if the other family members are going to the emergency room. If you have kids, and people are asking you to take care of theirs too as if it was no additional burden, call them on it. No two families have the same rules, expectations and communication styles, so firmly tell others that you don't look after other children because it is draining to have to cater to different needs.

As for people blatantly asking for money, nope, not once. I've been asked to buy things to support dubious causes, but I breezily say that my money goes to other charities. Most people that I know would be embarrassed to ask for money. There are a few opportunists in my family who habitually leech money from others and who have implied that I should give them money or buy them things, but the knowledge that I had to be disciplined and hardworking to save my money and earn my pension and the obvious lack of discipline and work ethic that these individuals have makes it easy to scoff at their requests.

To sum up: You've worked you ass off to get to where you are. Don't be ashamed of it. So long as you have the humility to acknowledge that you had the privilege of the health, education and opportunity to be able to earn enough to save enough to get to FIRE, then to hell with those who had similar opportunity but didn't choose to take the path of discipline and self-sacrifice. You don't owe them a thing. I like to prioritize my voting and charitable giving to help those who didn't have my privilege attain the same level of opportunity, but that's me.