Was called useless because I don`t have a job - rant alert

[Stachey]

I was having such a good day up until a couple of hours ago when I had a run in with the King of Male Menopause who informed me I was useless because I don`t have a paying job.

This is a 68 year old man who is still working to pay for his golf habit and his cars and expensive trips overseas.  By the very fact that he continues to work at all, he is taking employment away from younger generations who need the job to pay for silly things like food and a roof over their heads.

I know I shouldn`t care what this jerk thinks but it pisses me off so much when people hand out really mean and hurtful comments like that.  Please can everyone remind me again what they do when they come up against s/&%heads.  I unfortunately have to deal with this a%%hole a lot.

Sorry for the rant but I am rather upset.  I went for a long walk hoping I would feel better but I`m still so upset.  What pisses me off the most is when I let crap like this ruin an otherwise really great day.

[thriftyc]

Who gives a F__k what some old workaholic thinks or says!

[CanuckExpat]

"Why thank you, that's very interesting you think that"

Smile politely, go on with what you were doing

[Frankies Girl]

Being called useless by a rat still running the maze is a complement. ;)

It's all jealousy and anger that they didn't figure out how this FIRE stuff worked decades ago. Sour grapes are pretty sad really.

I'd make it a point to be very amused and calm at anything that this curmudgeon spews in any future interactions. He's angry and sad and lashing out, so you shouldn't take anything he says seriously.

[Choices]

Sorry you have to deal with this guy. Is there a way to be around him less?

He is probably insecure and/or envious, and it doesn't make his actions right, but it does make him pitiable. It might help your emotional reaction if you can truly feel sorry for him.

[Stachey]

Thanks everyone...your suggestions were helpful.

This guy is the next door neighbour and the layout of the complex makes our doors close together.  He's often sitting outside his door reading or eating so it makes it difficult to avoid him at times.
His wife is a wonderful person and we've been friends for years...she's a bake me cookies type of person...so I don't want to start screaming at her husband and I can't freeze him out unfortunately.  He's been getting more and more curmudgenly as the years go by with general complaints and ailments so this comment came out of left field and was quite unexpected.  I just need a way to deal with unexpected insults like this in a way that doesn't affect my life for hours afterwards. 

[lizzzi]

 I will make a wild guess here...but it is possible...that he is in a very early dementia, and this loss of filter and being inappropriate in his remarks could be an early sign. There is no question that he's being inappropriate, and I would not let it bother you for one second. If you can't avoid talking to him, try to rehearse a couple defusing, noncommittal remarks that you can use. Or if you do any volunteer work, I suppose you could mention that, although you certainly don't have to. "Oh, but I really enjoy helping out down at the animal shelter." Or whatever.

[Little Aussie Battler]

I would like to think that I would take to moral high ground and ignore him, but I am more likely to fire back by telling him to fuck off and that he's a failure for still having to work at 68.

[okits]

I will make a wild guess here...but it is possible...that he is in a very early dementia, and this loss of filter and being inappropriate in his remarks could be an early sign. There is no question that he's being inappropriate, and I would not let it bother you for one second. If you can't avoid talking to him, try to rehearse a couple defusing, noncommittal remarks that you can use. Or if you do any volunteer work, I suppose you could mention that, although you certainly don't have to. "Oh, but I really enjoy helping out down at the animal shelter." Or whatever.

Not so wild.  We've figured out that some of the unkindness and inappropriateness my FIL had been exhibiting (starting years before his diagnosis) were early signs of Alzheimer's.  OP, if he says other mean stuff (or he's out front and you just don't want to deal with him), give a big smile and big wave, say "have a nice day, [Neighbour's Name]!", and keep walking.

[pbkmaine]

Possible response: "Oh, I have a job - managing my investment portfolio."

Sent from my azpen using Tapatalk

[Goldielocks]

I would love to reply "Oh, are your off your meds again?"    (repeat as needed)

:-)  But I never would.   Two choices.  Ignore it / him or pause to have a meaningful conversation about it.  Ask him why he says that, and ask just who are you supposed to be "useful" for... (after which you could enlighten him).

My dad blurts things more as he gets older, especially with acquaintances, --no filter by choice rather than dementia, -- but an honest conversation will often create a 180 opinion/ attitude, very quickly, and then he is their biggest fan.

[FINate]

It's none of his business, and his opinion doesn't matter. That needs to be your starting place.



Easier said than done, I know. But try to view it as a personal growth opportunity. I would not try to avoid him or shy away from him. Be nice to him and treat him with the respect he doesn't deserve (not saying you should grovel, just treat him like anyone else). You will eventually learn how to not let things like this bother you, and being respectful to him keeps bitterness or malice from taking over in your life. You may even find that you develop empathy for him, since he is clearly miserable.

[Paul der Krake]

There are three ways to deal with haters:

- kill them with kindness/sympathy and treat them like a child who doesn't see why he's wrong
- laugh to their faces, followed by a zinger that they cannot recover from
- raise your eyebrows for a couple seconds, then walk away without saying another word in true alpha male fashion

Good luck!

[Choices]

+1 to others who suspect dementia, and I'll add possible mild autism, alcoholism, medication side effects, results of an old stroke or head injury...

Is there something you can bond with this guy over and keep the conversation on that one topic. All. The. Time. Like, "How bout them bears?"

If he loves sports, weather, or dogs, you're golden.

[MrGreen]

Situations like that make me want to be a little bit of an asshole and rub it in like responding with, "I'm so glad you're working so your taxes can pay for my unemployment." I don't know if I'd ever say something like that if it occurred to me but the idea that it would get the guy's goat and while being completely untrue is a satisfying thought.

[SeaEhm]

Haters gonna hate!

That is a rather ridiculous and ignorant thing to say to someone. 

One can work everyday of his/her life and be more useless than someone who has never worked a day at a paying job.

[Mmm_Donuts]

Possible response:

"I value friendships, family, and happiness more than anything else. My life is very rich, but thank you for your concern." Then walk away.

[Bicycle_B]

I will make a wild guess here...but it is possible...that he is in a very early dementia, and this loss of filter and being inappropriate in his remarks could be an early sign. There is no question that he's being inappropriate, and I would not let it bother you for one second. If you can't avoid talking to him, try to rehearse a couple defusing, noncommittal remarks that you can use. Or if you do any volunteer work, I suppose you could mention that, although you certainly don't have to. "Oh, but I really enjoy helping out down at the animal shelter." Or whatever.

Not so wild.  We've figured out that some of the unkindness and inappropriateness my FIL had been exhibiting (starting years before his diagnosis) were early signs of Alzheimer's.  OP, if he says other mean stuff (or he's out front and you just don't want to deal with him), give a big smile and big wave, say "have a nice day, [Neighbour's Name]!", and keep walking.

Yet another vote here for the "early dementia" idea.  I had family members whose rude remarks escalated quite a bit as dementia began creeping up on them.  It's a very common thing.  Great response by Okits! 

To amplify, perhaps his attack is really about his own feelings regarding himself.  What he's really doing is struggling with the unconscious realization that his own working days may soon end, leaving him to face whether he himself has any value any more.  For a brief moment, he lashes out at you like his own mind expects to be lashed at soon.  His fear is speaking, and not actually about you at all. 

You don't have to be his counselor.  If you want to, you can say things like "Oh, once a person has worked for a while, they've earned their rest.  Bye, John".  Which has the dual meaning that you don't need to work any more, but he doesn't either.  But it's up to you whether you gift him with this or not. 

After all, you can just give him the middle finger instead!  Very liberating, probably.

[Uturn]

Look him in the eye, say "huh", and walk away.  Then go hiking in Arkansas with random people from Texas.  :) 

[backyardfeast]

Just for another perspective, I think sometimes we do too much coddling of **holes in our society.  There's a strong pattern in our culture of so-and-so acts in a really offensive way, and then everyone says to the person offended, "oh, never mind him, he's just sick/unhappy/in a bad karmic place/doesn't mean it."  When really what we need is to have OUR hurt be validated, and for so-and-so not to get to be and **hole!  In other words, we make a lot of excuses for the offender, which just serves to erase/undermine the ways in which he is offending everyone.

So, OP, I like Mmmm....Donuts' response, but also remember that you have the right to tell the truth in a way that doesn't have to be escalating.  Something like, "you know, John, I really disagree with you there; in fact, I think getting out of the workforce is a moral imperative to allow young people to have a turn, which allows the economy to grow.  I'm really happy with my choice, and given that we are friends, I'm a little offended that you would essentially call me "useless", when you know perfectly well that I have a rich and fulfilling life."

In other words, tell your truth calmly, and then let it sit there for HIM to deal with.  He's allowed to be uncomfortable too.  If he's caused the awkward social situation, YOU don't have to be the one to suck it up.

(I know it's INCREDIBLY difficult for women to cause awkward emotional upset.  I share that pain.  But I am learning. :) )

[firelight]

Haha my reply would be 'I'm an investment manager ;)'. You don't have to tell you only manage your investments.

[Exflyboy]

I think I'd use one of these..

In the case where I think he might just be being an asshole..

1) I'm a multimillionare, no point in working anymore as I have more than I could ever spend in my lifetime.

2) Its really none of your business what I do, and in case your wondering I probably pay more than you do in taxes.

3) Sad that you HAVE TO work to fund your lifestyle.. Of course I don't have to.

If he is ill I'd divert him iff possible.

1) And how is your job going for you? Have you ever thought of retiring?.. If he retorts to the same abusive remarks I'd revert to one out of the first group.

Really though, I'm sorry it annoyed you, it probably would have me too, but really who cares?

[lizzzi]

I will make a wild guess here...but it is possible...that he is in a very early dementia, and this loss of filter and being inappropriate in his remarks could be an early sign. There is no question that he's being inappropriate, and I would not let it bother you for one second. If you can't avoid talking to him, try to rehearse a couple defusing, noncommittal remarks that you can use. Or if you do any volunteer work, I suppose you could mention that, although you certainly don't have to. "Oh, but I really enjoy helping out down at the animal shelter." Or whatever.

Not so wild.  We've figured out that some of the unkindness and inappropriateness my FIL had been exhibiting (starting years before his diagnosis) were early signs of Alzheimer's.  OP, if he says other mean stuff (or he's out front and you just don't want to deal with him), give a big smile and big wave, say "have a nice day, [Neighbour's Name]!", and keep walking.

Yet another vote here for the "early dementia" idea.  I had family members whose rude remarks escalated quite a bit as dementia began creeping up on them.  It's a very common thing.  Great response by Okits! 

To amplify, perhaps his attack is really about his own feelings regarding himself.  What he's really doing is struggling with the unconscious realization that his own working days may soon end, leaving him to face whether he himself has any value any more.  For a brief moment, he lashes out at you like his own mind expects to be lashed at soon.  His fear is speaking, and not actually about you at all. 

You don't have to be his counselor.  If you want to, you can say things like "Oh, once a person has worked for a while, they've earned their rest.  Bye, John".  Which has the dual meaning that you don't need to work any more, but he doesn't either.  But it's up to you whether you gift him with this or not. 

After all, you can just give him the middle finger instead!  Very liberating, probably.

If it is an early dementia or some issues related to mild autism, mini-strokes, alcoholism, etc., I don't see the point in the OP escalating the exchanges. Best bet is to consider what the source might be, and ignore it. This is someone the OP unfortunately has to see frequently. What's the final step in the escalation going to be? Pistols at ten yards? Having to have the police called for a disturbance?

[Stachey]

Thank you so much everyone! 
It's so nice to hear from sensible, rational human beings and not a critical, workaholic busybody.

I don't think it's dementia.  I forget who mentioned alcoholism...it got me thinking it might be that.  His wife was complaining awhile ago that he bought many bottles of whiskey at one time.  (Because they were on sale he said.)

Anyway who knows what his problem is.  At least now I can be on my guard around him and comments like that won't be as big a surprise. 

Cheers for the Lebowski!  Great movie!  Great quote!  Made me laugh.

[PFHC]

Two monks are traveling together. They come to a river with no bridge. A wealthy woman standing there rudely demands they carry her and her things across. The young monk ignores her while the older monk bends to grab her things and allows her to climb on his back.

Hours later as the monks continue on the their jouriney, the young monk can't stand it any longer. "I can't believe you let yourself be degraded by that rude woman back there!"

The old monk turned to him and said, "I set that woman down by the river hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?"

[Bicycle_B]

I will make a wild guess here...but it is possible...that he is in a very early dementia, and this loss of filter and being inappropriate in his remarks could be an early sign. There is no question that he's being inappropriate, and I would not let it bother you for one second. If you can't avoid talking to him, try to rehearse a couple defusing, noncommittal remarks that you can use. Or if you do any volunteer work, I suppose you could mention that, although you certainly don't have to. "Oh, but I really enjoy helping out down at the animal shelter." Or whatever.

Not so wild.  We've figured out that some of the unkindness and inappropriateness my FIL had been exhibiting (starting years before his diagnosis) were early signs of Alzheimer's.  OP, if he says other mean stuff (or he's out front and you just don't want to deal with him), give a big smile and big wave, say "have a nice day, [Neighbour's Name]!", and keep walking.

Yet another vote here for the "early dementia" idea.  I had family members whose rude remarks escalated quite a bit as dementia began creeping up on them.  It's a very common thing.  Great response by Okits! 

To amplify, perhaps his attack is really about his own feelings regarding himself.  What he's really doing is struggling with the unconscious realization that his own working days may soon end, leaving him to face whether he himself has any value any more.  For a brief moment, he lashes out at you like his own mind expects to be lashed at soon.  His fear is speaking, and not actually about you at all. 

You don't have to be his counselor.  If you want to, you can say things like "Oh, once a person has worked for a while, they've earned their rest.  Bye, John".  Which has the dual meaning that you don't need to work any more, but he doesn't either.  But it's up to you whether you gift him with this or not. 

After all, you can just give him the middle finger instead!  Very liberating, probably.

If it is an early dementia or some issues related to mild autism, mini-strokes, alcoholism, etc., I don't see the point in the OP escalating the exchanges. Best bet is to consider what the source might be, and ignore it. This is someone the OP unfortunately has to see frequently. What's the final step in the escalation going to be? Pistols at ten yards? Having to have the police called for a disturbance?

Hi, Lizzzi.  I didn't think OP would really flip him the finger, if that's what you meant by escalate; just thought she'd chuckle and move on.  Sorry if my attempt at internet levity caused misunderstanding.

Hopefully the gentler reply "once a person's worked for a while, they've earned their rest" is the one to be considered, if any; safe for for both of them.

My own father had dementia and then Alzheimer's and I spent years with him in that condition.  Things didn't usually stick with him at that point, but he sometimes understood quite a bit.  Even if it's a brief understanding, I think there's some value in that.  It might have my dad feel better in such a case.  But I don't think OP has any obligation to create that understanding, it's up to her whether she chooses to engage and how she chooses to engage.

On a feminist approach, I don't want to shut down her options though.   OP says she doesn't think it's dementia. If he is indeed just exuding uncalled for rudeness, she does have a right to defend herself verbally (or gesturally).  I don't think pistols are likely to be wielded just because she stands up for herself. 

Now if she did flip him the bird, would the liberation on her part be worth the surprise on his part?  Possibly.  Who knows, maybe he'll respect her more!  In any case, whether it's a matter of chuckles or fairness, I don't get to decide, and neither does Mean Old Man.  OP gets to decide.  (Anyway, that's my two cents.  Thanks for your patience!)

 

[lordmetroid]

Why do you not inform him that he is wrong, that you got a job as a private stock trader.

[MustacheAndaHalf]

You know his comment is embarrassingly inconsistent, right?  Here's my suggested reply..

(workaholic man) "You don't work, you're useless."
(You) "I'll pass that along to your wife.  She isn't getting paid to do things for you, is she?
          Have you told your wife she's useless except when she's at work?"

[BTDretire]

   If I had it to do over, I'd wear a big smile and say,
   I am sorry that you still need to work to support yourself, and at 68 you probably don't have enough years left to correct that situation. But, if they are interested, I would be happy to share my knowledge about how to prepare for a prosperous future with your children.

Otherwise, forget about it and bask in the freedom you have earned for yourself.

[MoonLiteNite]

basically just like people who say "normal people" can't retire early.
Just ignore them, if they want to stay in debt and keep working, that is their choice that their head is in the sand.

[RetiredAt63]

Years ago I heard a talk show host say that people should work longer (discussion of CPP eligibility age) because when we retire we don't contribute to society or pay taxes to support the government activities.  Huh?  I know of so much volunteer work done in my community by retirees, and we are certainly paying taxes!!  So if he says it again, just smile and reply that you contribute to society in other ways.

[Tyson]

I'd just say "I don't work for money, because I already have enough money".

[cchrissyy]

You can't let some guy get you down, whoever he is, however right or wrong he is. Don't let it effect you.

Maybe he is depressed or drunk, maybe he has early dementia, maybe he is just an ass. Maybe he is entirely clear-thinking and right about you. It doesn't matter. He's just some guy and you have to be able to live your life not being upset by what other people think. There is nothing whatsoever to say to this guy. No comebacks, no discussions. Just focus on whatever makes your life happy and calm. Friends, exercise, prayer, the outdoors, naps...  go do that stuff until you feel better.

[lizzzi]

I will make a wild guess here...but it is possible...that he is in a very early dementia, and this loss of filter and being inappropriate in his remarks could be an early sign. There is no question that he's being inappropriate, and I would not let it bother you for one second. If you can't avoid talking to him, try to rehearse a couple defusing, noncommittal remarks that you can use. Or if you do any volunteer work, I suppose you could mention that, although you certainly don't have to. "Oh, but I really enjoy helping out down at the animal shelter." Or whatever.

Not so wild.  We've figured out that some of the unkindness and inappropriateness my FIL had been exhibiting (starting years before his diagnosis) were early signs of Alzheimer's.  OP, if he says other mean stuff (or he's out front and you just don't want to deal with him), give a big smile and big wave, say "have a nice day, [Neighbour's Name]!", and keep walking.

Yet another vote here for the "early dementia" idea.  I had family members whose rude remarks escalated quite a bit as dementia began creeping up on them.  It's a very common thing.  Great response by Okits! 

To amplify, perhaps his attack is really about his own feelings regarding himself.  What he's really doing is struggling with the unconscious realization that his own working days may soon end, leaving him to face whether he himself has any value any more.  For a brief moment, he lashes out at you like his own mind expects to be lashed at soon.  His fear is speaking, and not actually about you at all. 

You don't have to be his counselor.  If you want to, you can say things like "Oh, once a person has worked for a while, they've earned their rest.  Bye, John".  Which has the dual meaning that you don't need to work any more, but he doesn't either.  But it's up to you whether you gift him with this or not. 

After all, you can just give him the middle finger instead!  Very liberating, probably.

If it is an early dementia or some issues related to mild autism, mini-strokes, alcoholism, etc., I don't see the point in the OP escalating the exchanges. Best bet is to consider what the source might be, and ignore it. This is someone the OP unfortunately has to see frequently. What's the final step in the escalation going to be? Pistols at ten yards? Having to have the police called for a disturbance?

Hi, Lizzzi.  I didn't think OP would really flip him the finger, if that's what you meant by escalate; just thought she'd chuckle and move on.  Sorry if my attempt at internet levity caused misunderstanding.

Hopefully the gentler reply "once a person's worked for a while, they've earned their rest" is the one to be considered, if any; safe for for both of them.

My own father had dementia and then Alzheimer's and I spent years with him in that condition.  Things didn't usually stick with him at that point, but he sometimes understood quite a bit.  Even if it's a brief understanding, I think there's some value in that.  It might have my dad feel better in such a case.  But I don't think OP has any obligation to create that understanding, it's up to her whether she chooses to engage and how she chooses to engage.

On a feminist approach, I don't want to shut down her options though.   OP says she doesn't think it's dementia. If he is indeed just exuding uncalled for rudeness, she does have a right to defend herself verbally (or gesturally).  I don't think pistols are likely to be wielded just because she stands up for herself. 

Now if she did flip him the bird, would the liberation on her part be worth the surprise on his part?  Possibly.  Who knows, maybe he'll respect her more!  In any case, whether it's a matter of chuckles or fairness, I don't get to decide, and neither does Mean Old Man.  OP gets to decide.  (Anyway, that's my two cents.  Thanks for your patience!)

 

Good insights, Bicycle_B. I suppose I can't hijack the thread, but I'm wondering where the Live Music Capital of the World is. I will google it.

[frompa]

Hey, rant away.  I'm surprised at the number of people who urge you to engage with this guy AT ALL.  I know he's a near neighbor and his wife's someone with whom you'd like to remain friendly, but once someone disrespects you, you are safe to put and keep him at an emotional distance.  Make humorous comments, talk about the weather as you go by, but you surely don't owe him any explanation for ANY of the decisions you've made in life and if I were you, I wouldn't seriously engage with him on anything.  Also, I agree with the earlier poster who suggested you ask yourself why his comments so bother you... is there something you think about yourself that is acting as a catch to amplify your bad feelings?   Good luck!

[mamagoose]

There are plenty of useless people who still have day jobs. Just look around any office.

[Fishindude]

Although his comments sound rude, it's kind of hard to judge the old guy without knowing what your situation is.
How old are you, and how are you able to get by without a job?    If you're 25-30 and living with your parents, I might side with the old codger.

[soccerluvof4]

I'd take the opposite approach though I agree with one of the previous posters it might not get you anywhere if he is developing early stages of dementia.  In any case I would kill it in a manner like this  " Oh neighbor your probably right, I need to be more like you" he will probably shit his pants on your response. As others mentioned though it really shouldn't be bothering you as that part I don't understand.

[libertarian4321]

I was having such a good day up until a couple of hours ago when I had a run in with the King of Male Menopause who informed me I was useless because I don`t have a paying job.

This is a 68 year old man who is still working to pay for his golf habit and his cars and expensive trips overseas.  By the very fact that he continues to work at all, he is taking employment away from younger generations who need the job to pay for silly things like food and a roof over their heads.

I know I shouldn`t care what this jerk thinks but it pisses me off so much when people hand out really mean and hurtful comments like that.  Please can everyone remind me again what they do when they come up against s/&%heads.  I unfortunately have to deal with this a%%hole a lot.

Sorry for the rant but I am rather upset.  I went for a long walk hoping I would feel better but I`m still so upset.  What pisses me off the most is when I let crap like this ruin an otherwise really great day.

Tell him "work" is for the little people - the peons, and that a wealthy FIRE'd person like you just can't be bothered.

Then say "now get back to the salt mine, sucka" while you go count your money and sip a Margarita.

[patrickza]

Possible response: "Oh, I have a job - managing my investment portfolio."

Great answer actually. I'll be using that one day to describe the 10 minutes of work I'll be doing every quarter moving money from my brokerage to my bank account!

[BTDretire]

I'd just say "I don't work for money, because I already have enough money".

  Someone here once posted,
"Work, ya, I do personal financial planning.

[bognish]

"I would feel guilty taking an open job from a retiree who needs the wages to pay for his tee time."

[MKinVA]

Just shrug and say: Someone has to be the millionaire next door.

[SachaFiscal]

Two monks are traveling together. They come to a river with no bridge. A wealthy woman standing there rudely demands they carry her and her things across. The young monk ignores her while the older monk bends to grab her things and allows her to climb on his back.

Hours later as the monks continue on the their jouriney, the young monk can't stand it any longer. "I can't believe you let yourself be degraded by that rude woman back there!"

The old monk turned to him and said, "I set that woman down by the river hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?"

Great perspective that can be applied to so many situations!

[Libertea]

I think your response to his comment (getting upset about it and staying upset about it for hours) is much more interesting than the comment itself.  Whenever I find myself getting disproportionately upset about something that someone else did or said, it's always because there's something deeper going on than just the surface event that set me off.  Have you taken some time to introspect about why this person's comment bothers you so much?  Is it because you care about his opinion and want his respect and approval?  Or maybe you subconsciously feel like he's a little bit right and you SHOULD be working?  Or some other explanation?  I think if you can get to the bottom of why you're reacting so strongly to what he's said, it will end up being useful for your own personal growth.  Not to mention your sanity and your happiness.

[FrogStash]

Chuckle followed by "Aw, aren't you cute.  Have a good day little buddy."

[Dicey]

I'd take the opposite approach though I agree with one of the previous posters it might not get you anywhere if he is developing early stages of dementia.  In any case I would kill it in a manner like this  " Oh neighbor your probably right, I need to be more like you" he will probably shit his pants on your response. As others mentioned though it really shouldn't be bothering you as that part I don't understand.

This answer most closely matches my thinking. Dementia, alcoholism, poor financial decisions over a lifetime, bad luck, or just plain jealousy, who knows?

My suggestion is to be gentle. Look him in the eye and kindly ask him why he feels that way. Or why he feels he has a right to be critical of you when you'd never think of meddling in his business. Alternately,  use the tool that allows toddlers to continue to live to go to kindergarten: distraction and redirection. Be bigger than he is and try to be charitable. You clearly have the better life ahead of you.

[clarkfan1979]

When someone gives me unsolicited advice that I don't agree with I typically start my response with, "That's a really good point." I then proceed to destroy their advice. They can't get mad at me, because I complimented them with their really good point. However, they are often confused because I destroyed their argument. Good times.

[HomeSweetLab]

I would love to reply "Oh, are your off your meds again?"    (repeat as needed)

:-)  But I never would.   Two choices.  Ignore it / him or pause to have a meaningful conversation about it.  Ask him why he says that, and ask just who are you supposed to be "useful" for... (after which you could enlighten him).

My dad blurts things more as he gets older, especially with acquaintances, --no filter by choice rather than dementia, -- but an honest conversation will often create a 180 opinion/ attitude, very quickly, and then he is their biggest fan.

I've found this "no filter" phenomenon among the elderly as well. Not necessarily dementia. I swear they sometimes spew crap just to see if they can get your goad / get a rise out of you. It's essentially a shit test to see how you respond. I assume it arises from boredom and unhappiness with their current situation. Any attention is better than being alone.

If you remain calm and 1) Acknowledge they're point of view (no matter how irrational) and 2) Counter their point with a rational response, they'll usually drop it and respect you from that point forward.

[Tyler]

One thing I've learned while early retired is to only talk about what I do, and never talk about what I don't do. The former will spur interesting conversations, while the latter can come across as judgmental and too often shuts them down or elicits pushback like you experienced.

Basically, stay positive both in your attitude and also your statements and people will generally give you the benefit of the doubt.