Author Topic: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay  (Read 7722 times)

Corporate Coconut

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Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« on: April 05, 2016, 11:02:18 PM »
I handed in my resignation last week.

It was actually a bit less dramatic than that - I am on a time-based contract abroad which needs to be renewed by July and I gave the heads up that I will not be signing in for another 3 years. I thought Management saw it coming or at least would be relieved to have me out of their hair,  but all the way up to the Board of Directors', there has been shock and awe.

WHY is this, you ask?

Turns out, the fact that I am 34 and a rising start in the company who chooses to leave WITHOUT HAVING AN NEW JOB TO GO TO is weird. Wrong. Does not fit the bill. I did not see these reactions coming, but they have been rolling in for the past week. It just confirms how brain washed we all are regarding what corporate careers look like. Upon hearing that I am planning to take a break and see what happens next (...), they refer to my husband's well-paying job and that he will support me financially. WRONG. The fact that I have a stache to support myself is beyond their wildest imagination, of course.

My husband and I have not yet hit our number, but we dream more of FI than RE. I hope to find work that I enjoy and love, and I have several ideas I will be trying out moving forward. I just couldn't bear the thought of trudging through corporate hell just to save when the plan is to pursue other ways to work and make money. My husband still has a lot of "careering" left in his system, but I count on him getting sick of it eventually. Don't we all?

I would love to hear from those of you with managerial/executive experience who have taken up consulting and freelancing! I see a huge market out there for my skills and would love to learn from those of you who have walked the path ahead of me.

I have more than three months left at work. In the meantime I plan to savour my last months as an employee, hoping to never have to return to that status!

Ursus Major

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2016, 11:37:48 PM »
Congratulations and all the best for the next phase in your life.

I plan to submit my resignation next week. No idea what the reaction will be.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say about my future plans. I might just leave it at "pursuing new opportunities" or something like that.

azure975

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2016, 11:42:21 PM »
I am in a very similar situation. I am planning to leave my job of 7 years in July as well, but have not given notice yet (plan to do so at the end of April). I have been planning my exit for a long time, but work was always "okay" (not great, but not terrible) until the past few months, when it was started to move more towards the terrible end of things. Had a heated conversation with my boss last Friday which led me to the decision that it was time. I will give them a couple months' notice to find a replacement and to just pocket a bit more money. I'm beyond excited about this new phase of life and can barely stop thinking/talking about it! And like you, when I do go back to work I prefer to freelance if possible (I'm an accountant). Looking forward to following your journey as it parallels mine! Do you have ideas for what you will do post-job? I would like to increase my involvement in animal rescue causes, go on a few meditation retreats, visit friends/family in other cities, and try to find work I love. Also, serendipitously, I have three other friends who are not working right now so we're thinking of meeting up weekly in a coffee shop and planning other adventures. Can hardly wait!

Corporate Coconut

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2016, 12:08:48 AM »
Congratulations and all the best for the next phase in your life.

I plan to submit my resignation next week. No idea what the reaction will be.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say about my future plans. I might just leave it at "pursuing new opportunities" or something like that.

Thank you, Silicon Valley! I am guessing we are in the same field of work. ;) I love working in tech and I think there are so many things that can be shared to other industries.

And congrats on taking the step. Pursuing new opportunities tells them as much and as little as they need to know. But just between the two of us, what ARE your future plans?

I am in a very similar situation. I am planning to leave my job of 7 years in July as well, but have not given notice yet (plan to do so at the end of April). I have been planning my exit for a long time, but work was always "okay" (not great, but not terrible) until the past few months, when it was started to move more towards the terrible end of things. Had a heated conversation with my boss last Friday which led me to the decision that it was time. I will give them a couple months' notice to find a replacement and to just pocket a bit more money. I'm beyond excited about this new phase of life and can barely stop thinking/talking about it! And like you, when I do go back to work I prefer to freelance if possible (I'm an accountant). Looking forward to following your journey as it parallels mine! Do you have ideas for what you will do post-job? I would like to increase my involvement in animal rescue causes, go on a few meditation retreats, visit friends/family in other cities, and try to find work I love. Also, serendipitously, I have three other friends who are not working right now so we're thinking of meeting up weekly in a coffee shop and planning other adventures. Can hardly wait!

Yes, sounds like we are in a very similar place! As soon as you have decided to take that step, it is hard to think about anything else, right?? I have so many ideas, but also want to take the opportunity to let this sink in and marinate after nine years of non-stop stressful work and travelling. Sounds great to have friends around you who are not tethered to a cubicle from 9-6 every day. How do you think your boss and colleagues will react?

Ursus Major

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2016, 12:33:31 AM »
Congratulations and all the best for the next phase in your life.

I plan to submit my resignation next week. No idea what the reaction will be.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say about my future plans. I might just leave it at "pursuing new opportunities" or something like that.

Thank you, Silicon Valley! I am guessing we are in the same field of work. ;) I love working in tech and I think there are so many things that can be shared to other industries.

And congrats on taking the step. Pursuing new opportunities tells them as much and as little as they need to know. But just between the two of us, what ARE your future plans?

I lost my love for tech (or at least the kind of tech that we switched to) some years ago, so I can't wait to get out. Plus I am a developer at heart and the last few years I did mainly DevOps-related work. And even being a developer is a pain in the rear now with Scrum/Agile, at least the way it was implemented in our company.

I'm FI, so this might simply be the start of my RE. I'll see how I feel after a few months. No plans whatsoever right now.

Corporate Coconut

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2016, 12:40:35 AM »
Congratulations and all the best for the next phase in your life.

I plan to submit my resignation next week. No idea what the reaction will be.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say about my future plans. I might just leave it at "pursuing new opportunities" or something like that.

Thank you, Silicon Valley! I am guessing we are in the same field of work. ;) I love working in tech and I think there are so many things that can be shared to other industries.

And congrats on taking the step. Pursuing new opportunities tells them as much and as little as they need to know. But just between the two of us, what ARE your future plans?

I lost my love for tech (or at least the kind of tech that we switched to) some years ago, so I can't wait to get out. Plus I am a developer at heart and the last few years I did mainly DevOps-related work. And even being a developer is a pain in the rear now with Scrum/Agile, at least the way it was implemented in our company.

I'm FI, so this might simply be the start of my RE. I'll see how I feel after a few months. No plans whatsoever right now.

Fair enough! Will you stay on in the Bay Area? I am getting used to the idea that i will take a few months off after I leave to just decompress and see where I am after all the corporate bullshit wears off. Half of my process is getting my partner to be on the same page as me. It's exhausting, but that's marriage, I guess.

azure975

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2016, 02:47:40 PM »
I think my boss will be both relieved and panicked. Relived because we have not been seeing eye-to-eye for a few months now--there were some changes introduced in our company at the end of last year and I strongly disagree with them. It has become clear at this point that I will not be able to fit into this new paradigm, so I think she will be somewhat relieved that I am moving on. At the same time, I think she will be panicked because we are already very short staffed and it will just introduce more stress on her to find my replacement. As for coworkers, I think they'll be pretty surprised, but there is so much turnover here that it won't be a shock.

Emotionally, I waver between extreme excitement and nervousness. I worry about my time off not living up to my expectations and getting depressed. If I have a boring day at work, at least I know that I made money and contributed towards my financial goals, whereas if I have a boring or crappy day when I'm not working, then it seems like it will be a waste. So that puts a lot of pressure on me to really enjoy it! I think it's good that I have over 3 months to prepare myself mentally and hopefully make sure I have plans in place for when I leave so I'm not just sitting around the house.

I know what you mean about trying to get your partner on the same page! I would describe my husband's attitude towards my plans as grudgingly tolerant. We have enough that we would be considered "lean" FIRE'd. Initially the plan was to work for 7-8 more years to get to a FIRE level that would give us a very comfortable retirement, but after a while I started to feel like my life was on hold, and I was just counting down the days, which was not a good feeling. When things went downhill at my current job, I decided to take a "mini-retirement" and then afterwards I could revisit whether to resume full time work or freelance (which would be considerably less remunerative but I think I would enjoy much more). What issues are you facing with your partner?

Cassie

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2016, 05:57:11 PM »
Since we each had a small pension coming in and $ saved I rested for about 6 months, got bored and started to market myself to do some consulting.  I felt no pressure because we didn't need the $ to live.  Then teaching a online college class fell into my lap so I also do that and love it.  I probably work about 10-15/hours/week and it is perfect.

Ursus Major

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2016, 07:31:58 PM »
Congratulations and all the best for the next phase in your life.

I plan to submit my resignation next week. No idea what the reaction will be.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say about my future plans. I might just leave it at "pursuing new opportunities" or something like that.

Thank you, Silicon Valley! I am guessing we are in the same field of work. ;) I love working in tech and I think there are so many things that can be shared to other industries.

And congrats on taking the step. Pursuing new opportunities tells them as much and as little as they need to know. But just between the two of us, what ARE your future plans?

I lost my love for tech (or at least the kind of tech that we switched to) some years ago, so I can't wait to get out. Plus I am a developer at heart and the last few years I did mainly DevOps-related work. And even being a developer is a pain in the rear now with Scrum/Agile, at least the way it was implemented in our company.

I'm FI, so this might simply be the start of my RE. I'll see how I feel after a few months. No plans whatsoever right now.

Fair enough! Will you stay on in the Bay Area? I am getting used to the idea that i will take a few months off after I leave to just decompress and see where I am after all the corporate bullshit wears off. Half of my process is getting my partner to be on the same page as me. It's exhausting, but that's marriage, I guess.

Yes, I will. My GF has family here. She also likes the weather here. She doesn't want to move anywhere colder and I don't want to move anywhere warmer.

Corporate Coconut

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2016, 07:56:48 PM »
I think my boss will be both relieved and panicked. Relived because we have not been seeing eye-to-eye for a few months now--there were some changes introduced in our company at the end of last year and I strongly disagree with them. It has become clear at this point that I will not be able to fit into this new paradigm, so I think she will be somewhat relieved that I am moving on. At the same time, I think she will be panicked because we are already very short staffed and it will just introduce more stress on her to find my replacement. As for coworkers, I think they'll be pretty surprised, but there is so much turnover here that it won't be a shock.

Emotionally, I waver between extreme excitement and nervousness. I worry about my time off not living up to my expectations and getting depressed. If I have a boring day at work, at least I know that I made money and contributed towards my financial goals, whereas if I have a boring or crappy day when I'm not working, then it seems like it will be a waste. So that puts a lot of pressure on me to really enjoy it! I think it's good that I have over 3 months to prepare myself mentally and hopefully make sure I have plans in place for when I leave so I'm not just sitting around the house.

I know what you mean about trying to get your partner on the same page! I would describe my husband's attitude towards my plans as grudgingly tolerant. We have enough that we would be considered "lean" FIRE'd. Initially the plan was to work for 7-8 more years to get to a FIRE level that would give us a very comfortable retirement, but after a while I started to feel like my life was on hold, and I was just counting down the days, which was not a good feeling. When things went downhill at my current job, I decided to take a "mini-retirement" and then afterwards I could revisit whether to resume full time work or freelance (which would be considerably less remunerative but I think I would enjoy much more). What issues are you facing with your partner?

In my case, 2015 was a crappy year from a career perspective. I lost myself somewhere along the way, and I am curious and excited to see what happens when I get out of the hamster wheel and let myself be open to whatever opportunities show up. I am not at all worried about what people will think or say (that's almost my favourite part!) and we are more than covered on the financial side. I also know that if one day I wake up and realise that I am bored, I will just go out and find something to keep me busy, even if that means going back to corporate life.

Another aspect is that my husband has been in a phase of serial promotions and we just found out about a very generous bonus scheme that he will be enrolled in, so I don't see the point in both of us staying in the grind just to keep shovelling in the cash that we don't really need. The feminist in me kind of hates this view of it, bet we ARE a team and I always think about what will create the best life for us as a family. I am not being selfish or lazy, but I see hoe two high pressure careers has an impact on our relationship, and if I am willing to step back, why not?

His issues are mainly that he thinks that it is a waste to throw away something you have been working on - my career, that is. Taking a year off to figure shit out is just not something you do in his world. I am slowly making him get used to the idea, and I feel like we are making progress. I am not sure what it is he is afraid of, as the end of the day as we are in an extremely privileged position. But it is in our system to conform, I guess. He is rational decision maker while I am an emotional one and after more than eight years together we are still learning to communicate on each others wave length! :)

Do you have a time line for your mini retirement?

Corporate Coconut

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2016, 07:58:45 PM »
Since we each had a small pension coming in and $ saved I rested for about 6 months, got bored and started to market myself to do some consulting.  I felt no pressure because we didn't need the $ to live.  Then teaching a online college class fell into my lap so I also do that and love it.  I probably work about 10-15/hours/week and it is perfect.

Sounds pretty much like my ideal scenario! Congrats on making that work for you.

azure975

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2016, 08:20:20 PM »

Another aspect is that my husband has been in a phase of serial promotions and we just found out about a very generous bonus scheme that he will be enrolled in, so I don't see the point in both of us staying in the grind just to keep shovelling in the cash that we don't really need. The feminist in me kind of hates this view of it, bet we ARE a team and I always think about what will create the best life for us as a family. I am not being selfish or lazy, but I see hoe two high pressure careers has an impact on our relationship, and if I am willing to step back, why not?

His issues are mainly that he thinks that it is a waste to throw away something you have been working on - my career, that is. Taking a year off to figure shit out is just not something you do in his world. I am slowly making him get used to the idea, and I feel like we are making progress. I am not sure what it is he is afraid of, as the end of the day as we are in an extremely privileged position. But it is in our system to conform, I guess. He is rational decision maker while I am an emotional one and after more than eight years together we are still learning to communicate on each others wave length! :)


Wow, I really feel that we are living parallel lives! My husband's career has been going very well and he is in a notoriously lucrative field (finance), so I feel like we have more than we need, but at the same time it feels somewhat unfeminist. We used to tongue in cheek make fun of his coworkers' wives who didn't work and just did Soul Cycle and Botox all day, so I think he feels like I'm defecting to the other side now. He has the same objection about "wasting" my potential and education. However, I think my situation is a bit different from yours in that my career has never been very successful and I was never considered a "rising star." I did go to a top college but somehow did not click with the corporate world at all. I hate the politics and self-promotion, and the skill sets necessary to succeed in the business world seem much different from those needed to succeed in academia. Yes, I've tried several different career fields so it's not just an isolated incident.  As for the time line of my mini-retirement, I'm currently thinking about a year. I plan to spend at least half that time really doing some soul-searching about what kind of work would make me happy (freelancing? non-profit? part-time?). I also really want to see how I can get more involved in the animal rescue world (I'm already quite involved but would like to see how else I can help). I'm already putting out feelers about that and am considering some options.

Have you considered starting a journal in the "Journal" section of this forum? I am thinking about it. It would be interesting to follow each others' journeys.

arebelspy

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #12 on: April 07, 2016, 01:21:11 AM »
Congrats!  Love how shocked they were.  Being outside the mainstream can be so freeing.  :)
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dude

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #13 on: April 07, 2016, 11:09:34 AM »
It's exhausting, but that's marriage, I guess.

ATTFT!!!

Corporate Coconut

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Re: Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
« Reply #14 on: April 07, 2016, 08:15:10 PM »

Another aspect is that my husband has been in a phase of serial promotions and we just found out about a very generous bonus scheme that he will be enrolled in, so I don't see the point in both of us staying in the grind just to keep shovelling in the cash that we don't really need. The feminist in me kind of hates this view of it, bet we ARE a team and I always think about what will create the best life for us as a family. I am not being selfish or lazy, but I see hoe two high pressure careers has an impact on our relationship, and if I am willing to step back, why not?

His issues are mainly that he thinks that it is a waste to throw away something you have been working on - my career, that is. Taking a year off to figure shit out is just not something you do in his world. I am slowly making him get used to the idea, and I feel like we are making progress. I am not sure what it is he is afraid of, as the end of the day as we are in an extremely privileged position. But it is in our system to conform, I guess. He is rational decision maker while I am an emotional one and after more than eight years together we are still learning to communicate on each others wave length! :)


Wow, I really feel that we are living parallel lives! My husband's career has been going very well and he is in a notoriously lucrative field (finance), so I feel like we have more than we need, but at the same time it feels somewhat unfeminist. We used to tongue in cheek make fun of his coworkers' wives who didn't work and just did Soul Cycle and Botox all day, so I think he feels like I'm defecting to the other side now. He has the same objection about "wasting" my potential and education. However, I think my situation is a bit different from yours in that my career has never been very successful and I was never considered a "rising star." I did go to a top college but somehow did not click with the corporate world at all. I hate the politics and self-promotion, and the skill sets necessary to succeed in the business world seem much different from those needed to succeed in academia. Yes, I've tried several different career fields so it's not just an isolated incident.  As for the time line of my mini-retirement, I'm currently thinking about a year. I plan to spend at least half that time really doing some soul-searching about what kind of work would make me happy (freelancing? non-profit? part-time?). I also really want to see how I can get more involved in the animal rescue world (I'm already quite involved but would like to see how else I can help). I'm already putting out feelers about that and am considering some options.

Have you considered starting a journal in the "Journal" section of this forum? I am thinking about it. It would be interesting to follow each others' journeys.

I am trying to stay focused on what I think is best for me and not worry too much about society. If we did, we wouldn't even be considering this in the first place, right?? I know that I have contributed equally (or possibly even more) than him to the 'stache that is making me make these choices. If that makes me a stay at home wife, so be it.  (As if staying at home or being married will ever define me!) I am all for animal rescue! We just donated a huge chunk of money bak in January to the Soi Dog Foundation in Thailand, a charity that takes care of street dogs in Phuket and Bangkok. I'm considering volunteering there for a few weeks (I live in Southeast Asia). The thing is, I have two dogs of my own and home and I feel bad to leave them to take care of other dogs!

I actually did start a journal a while back but got writers block! Maybe it's time again. :)

It's exhausting, but that's marriage, I guess.

ATTFT!!!

LOL!!!

Congrats!  Love how shocked they were.  Being outside the mainstream can be so freeing.  :)

Yes, the feeling is amazing! Since I have handed in my notice, I pretty much spend my days as I want. Yesterday afternoon, I was lazing by the pool where we live and a fellow dog owner came up to me and said: "Did you leave work early today?" It made me realize that I better get used to that question, haha!