Interesting, Mcat. My challenge was that it was an expensive table in its day (but just not my taste) so it seemed wasteful to get rid of it.
I actually have two different family members who are interested in taking it off my hands and DH thinks someone will pay actual dollars for it if my family decides they aren't interested in it for free.
DH has always liked it. He picked it out 30 years ago and has never understood my aversion to it but agrees it is dated and too wide for the current space. He joked that it's only fair that I get a new table since he's getting new golf clubs. So I guess it wasn't just my cheapness that created the inertia in this case.
And yes, LightTripper, I'd get serious eye rolls if I whined to my family and friends about not being able to spend my money lol.
It's rarely *just* cheapness at play. Life is complicated and nuanced.
However, it's not so much the reason for keeping it that matters, it's why you feel *bad* about replacing it that's important.
You shouldn't feel guilty about doing something that doesn't hurt anyone. That's crazy talk. If you sell it or give it away, someone will actually benefit, which is awesome. I just benefitted from a used table out in Newfoundland and it made me SO HAPPY.
If you should beat yourself up for anything, it's for agreeing to buy an expensive table you didn't like in the first place. But that was a long time ago, your spouse really liked it, and you probably assumed you would just get used to it. Well, lesson learned, don't agree to buy expensive tables you really don't like.
That's not a huge life mistake, you can forgive yourself for that and move on. But using that to shame yourself for getting a new table that you actually like us kind of bonkers.
Here's the thing, there's nothing saintly about being cheap. There's no medal for putting up with a crappy table. As I said already, if you want to be frugal about replacing it, you could hunt for a used table, you could build a new table, you could just take the top off and build a new table top. There are TONS of minimally wasteful, inexpensive options for improving your table situation.
This nonsense sunken cost thing makes no sense. If someone offered you a free table that was perfect, would you feel bad getting rid of your expensive table? No, of course not!
[If you answered yes, you might have issues]
There is literally nothing to feel guilty about by not keeping the table. So settle that issue in your mind.
The next issue is whether or not it's worthwhile to spend on a new table. Well, let's put it this way. Let's assume I'm back in Newfoundland last year when I was looking for a table. A neighbour offers me a table that I hate and it's the wrong size for my house, his cousin is very happy to take the table if I don't. I can either accept that awful table, buy a used table, build a table, or buy a new one. I can readily afford any of my options.
Should I feel guilty about not taking the free table??
Because that's basically the situation you are in. You spent money on this table years ago. That's a mistake that's in the past that you just need to let go of. Your table is not an expensive table, it's a free table you have as an option because of an expensive mistake you made in the past that you won't ever make again. Cool. It's a free table.
Is the fact that your table is free more valuable than having a table that works? If you had no table, would you choose this awful free table over other better tables that cost money?
And why would guilt play any role? Who are you hurting by choosing to spend a bit of money on a table that works for you rather than choosing a free table that doesn't?
I personally will almost never pay full price for a table, they're obscenely expensive. Even the new table I bought for the apartment was patio table from Ikea for only $130.
I wouldn't feel guilty or "bad" spending $3000 on a table and chair set, I just would never do it because there are other things I would rather spend on and too many used tables out there that I could modify if needed.
But that's not because I'm cheap or because I'm "good" that's just because tables just aren't valuable enough for me to ever spend that much on them. I've never looked at a table and though "I would prefer that to a beach vacation in the dead of winter."
You just need to figure out what a better table is worth to you. Is it worth $200 and waiting to find the right one on Craigslist? Is it worth custom ordering a $10000 piece from a high end furniture making artisan? Is it worth ordering a $1000 dining set from Ikea?
I don't know. It's up to you to decide what value having a good, functional table is for you. But don't cloud the equation with nonsense guilt about the mistake you made buying the original table or some misplaced sense of shame about spending money.
And DEFINITELY don't get into the habit of "well if he's going to spend on clubs, I get to justify spending on a table." That is pure consumerist justification.
A new table is either worth spending on compare to a crappy free table you hate or it isn't. There's no morality or guilt involved, it's a basic financial value assessment. What would you be willing to pay for a good table vs a free crappy table.
Answer that question and then act accordingly.
Shame and guilt are feelings that should only be reserved for when someone gets hurt by your actions (including yourself). Otherwise feeling them is some weird narcissistic, self flagellating shit that just pointlessly makes your life worse for no reason.
Remember, you were the one who decided to focus on saving money in the first place. It makes no sense to feel guilty about modifying a priority that you set for yourself. You're not betraying anyone, you're not breaking any rules. You're just assessing your current situation for the best course of action.
If the best course of action is to keep the crappy table, then keep the crappy table. There might be MUCH better things out there to spend your money on. But keeping the table out of some bizarre self-shaming that doesn't serve anyone's needs is just...well...crazy.
This is a practical decision, not a moral one.
