Author Topic: Q: Do non-FIRE, but well-off friends brag about their net worth/income to you?  (Read 6647 times)

stoaX

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But I've never had anyone saying they made this much or had that much saved.  Heck....even my mom has no idea what we have.  My wife does and that's it.

This sums my experience. 

stoaX

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We have a Finance Club at work where people talk about NFTs, crypto, and the like, and there is a lot of boasting, but I have the reputation there of being the "boring one", which I legitimately wear as a badge of pride.

As well you should - good for you!

Omy

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It is usually from less self-aware people who treat this as though it is a fluke of the universe, rather than conscious decisions we each made.  Like they think the great-life fairy came down and granted me these things, rather than them being direct outcomes of my choice.  I'll admit that this aspect of it kind of irritates me.  It's like people who make the same amount of money and had generally the same launch into life saying I'm "lucky" because I don't have to worry about money and can essentially afford to buy whatever I want.  Luck has nothing to do with it.   

One of my siblings likes to say "Everything that Omy touches turns to gold". It annoys me because it diminishes the fact that I've worked really hard for a long time to achieve my success. Sib and I have made very different life choices. If Sib had made different choices, Sib could also retire early and not live paycheck to paycheck. By implying that my success is "luck", Sib doesn't have to take any responsibility for their lack of success.

neo von retorch

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It is usually from less self-aware people who treat this as though it is a fluke of the universe, rather than conscious decisions we each made.  Like they think the great-life fairy came down and granted me these things, rather than them being direct outcomes of my choice.  I'll admit that this aspect of it kind of irritates me.  It's like people who make the same amount of money and had generally the same launch into life saying I'm "lucky" because I don't have to worry about money and can essentially afford to buy whatever I want.  Luck has nothing to do with it.   

I know you meant nothing by this... but as someone who is in their 40s and has no children not by choice, I'd say any assumption in either direction can be, at minimum, annoying. At worst, painful.

Luck has tons to do with it, as it turns out ;) Bad luck, in our case.

(We also thought long and hard about other options like adoption. So it's "lovely" when people present their "ideas" to us, as if we were just unaware of such options, but now they've given us a solution. What a gift!)

Kris

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It is usually from less self-aware people who treat this as though it is a fluke of the universe, rather than conscious decisions we each made.  Like they think the great-life fairy came down and granted me these things, rather than them being direct outcomes of my choice.  I'll admit that this aspect of it kind of irritates me.  It's like people who make the same amount of money and had generally the same launch into life saying I'm "lucky" because I don't have to worry about money and can essentially afford to buy whatever I want.  Luck has nothing to do with it.   

I know you meant nothing by this... but as someone who is in their 40s and has no children not by choice, I'd say any assumption in either direction can be, at minimum, annoying. At worst, painful.

Luck has tons to do with it, as it turns out ;) Bad luck, in our case.

(We also thought long and hard about other options like adoption. So it's "lovely" when people present their "ideas" to us, as if we were just unaware of such options, but now they've given us a solution. What a gift!)

That is so baffling to me. How in the world does any functioning person not realize that anyone who wants children but has been having trouble conceiving has already considered pretty much every single available option? Lord. Why won't people just shut up sometimes? Sorry you have to go through that, Neo.

Villanelle

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It is usually from less self-aware people who treat this as though it is a fluke of the universe, rather than conscious decisions we each made.  Like they think the great-life fairy came down and granted me these things, rather than them being direct outcomes of my choice.  I'll admit that this aspect of it kind of irritates me.  It's like people who make the same amount of money and had generally the same launch into life saying I'm "lucky" because I don't have to worry about money and can essentially afford to buy whatever I want.  Luck has nothing to do with it.   

I know you meant nothing by this... but as someone who is in their 40s and has no children not by choice, I'd say any assumption in either direction can be, at minimum, annoying. At worst, painful.

Luck has tons to do with it, as it turns out ;) Bad luck, in our case.

(We also thought long and hard about other options like adoption. So it's "lovely" when people present their "ideas" to us, as if we were just unaware of such options, but now they've given us a solution. What a gift!)

I'm sorry for your rough path and the pain associated with that. 

I actually did think of people whose family composition isn't what they choose when writing my post, and I tried to make it clear that the people who have said this to me actively choose to have children, and I actively choose not to.  That's why the comments annoy, and are simply not true.  Because I *chose* not to have children and the choose to have them.  I was specifically referring to those who made decisions and were fortunate enough to have those decisions come to fruition, which is why luck had nothing to do with any of it.

In the cases I was referring to and the people who have said this to me, "luck" really did have nothing to do with the disparities they are pointing out.  We each made conscious choices and me sleeping in on Saturdays while they go to 4 soccer games is absolutely a direct result of those choices.  I know these people enough to know they sought out parenthood and they know me well enough to know I actively avoided it, so no "assumptions" are being made.  And luck had nothing to do with the disparities that seem to cause so much envy.

I am certainly aware (and sympathetic) that not everyone's choices around family composition and size are always realized, and that some people who wanted children don't have them and some people have them without having truly wanted them.  But that's not what I was referring to.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2021, 11:42:24 AM by Villanelle »

boarder42

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We are also child-free and now that we are in our 40s, it's clear to most that this is a permanent condition.  I've only had 1 paret-friend confide that she would likely choose not to have kids if she had a do-over, even though she of course very much loves her children.  But I've certainly had many, many parents tell me how "lucky" I am to be able to travel without worrying about kids, or to be able to go out without a babysitter (and therefore without advanced planning), to be able to eat at nice restaurants, to be able to sleep in on weekends, to not "have" to spend my weekends at soccer and little league and dance competitions, to not have to buy a car with carseats and soccer carpools in mind, that I don't have to spend money on braces and diapers and school fees, etc.

It is usually from less self-aware people who treat this as though it is a fluke of the universe, rather than conscious decisions we each made.  Like they think the great-life fairy came down and granted me these things, rather than them being direct outcomes of my choice.  I'll admit that this aspect of it kind of irritates me.  It's like people who make the same amount of money and had generally the same launch into life saying I'm "lucky" because I don't have to worry about money and can essentially afford to buy whatever I want.  Luck has nothing to do with it.   

It's just easy low hanging fruit for them to point to and say well of course you can do that I can't bc I chose kids. I run into similar sentiments with friends who had large student loans while I had none. As a reason they just can't ever get ahead. People will always look to make excuses as to why they can't save invest and retire but will always have a very good reason for the 40k dollar car on a loan in the driveway.