Author Topic: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry  (Read 4348 times)

HastyTortoise

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Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« on: March 14, 2022, 07:52:14 PM »
We hit FI last September and my husband quit his full-time work. We have two young kids, so we've been sharing parenting responsibilities. I had been the full-time parent for the past decade, with some part-time Personal Training work. I like working part-time, so with my husband's new-found freedom, he was willing to take on some extra parenting time starting in January so I could finally do some part-time "passion" work in animal welfare (which was my dream job I went to college for and worked at a large Humane Society as my first post-college job.)

I happened to find a little small-town rescue just five minutes from our home in the country that was looking for help caring for their cats and dogs. I eagerly took it, thinking this would be an easy 15 hours a week of animal care, hugging cats, walking dogs, etc. ... But little did I know I was walking into an organizational nightmare. Communication is limited and often toxic. Their animal care practices are sometimes questionable. The founder of the organization is a cat lady that really doesn't like people and treats her employees and volunteers with contempt. Luckily there is a brand new board of directors that has somewhat formed, so I've been working really hard with a few of them to form new animal care protocols, train the other employees at the rescue, and try to get some structure in place to deal with the communication issues. I'm also building them a simple website (donating my time and the SquareSpace fees) to try to increase their visibility and adoptions.

I'm experienced and well-equipped to help them, but I feel like this is growing into something larger than I intended. (And much more stressful, trying to deal with the poor communication and lack of social/emotional intelligence within the organization.) My husband is getting his private pilot's license (yay!) and we want to travel a lot with our kids. We'll be golfing and hanging out at the lake over the summer. I really want to help this rescue, but I also don't want it to infringe upon the fun, free family life that my husband and I have worked SO hard to build. I've considered backing out of my paid position and telling them I will volunteer, but they honestly don't treat their animal care volunteers very respectfully.

How would you go about drawing boundaries with emotionally immature people? I love the animals there, but is it even worth it when it's supposed to be a fun, post-FI job anyway?

Thanks for your thoughts!

Tass

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2022, 10:34:44 PM »
One thing you didn't mention: is it expanding outside of the 15 hours a week you agreed to? If so, is the actual work spilling into non-work time or just the stress from it? My first instinct is to stick to that time boundary rigidly.

MustacheAndaHalf

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2022, 05:58:05 AM »
Communication is limited and often toxic. Their animal care practices are sometimes questionable. The founder of the organization is a cat lady that really doesn't like people and treats her employees and volunteers with contempt.
I would quit rather than deal with a toxic work environment - doubly so as a volunteer.  In a large organization you might be able to transfer somewhere, but an animal rescue is too small, so I would quit in this situation.

I've read a book about hoarders ("Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things") that painted a surprisingly different picture than I expected.  But it also mentioned people who hoard animals.  Could the founder be an animal hoarder, who has hundreds of cats?

From the book, animal hoarders feel they are on a mission, but they can't stop themselves from collecting too many animals.  So the cats wind up underfed and sanitation is forgotten.  It's a bad situation that the hoarder cannot admit to themselves - they want to think they're doing good, and can't admit otherwise.

But hoarder or not, I would avoid a toxic work environment and quit this place.

the_hobbitish

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2022, 08:31:28 AM »
My mother has worked with 3 different cat rescues in the different areas my parents lived (both suburban and rural). In each case the owner had little people skills, no respect for anyone else's time, and often created a toxic environment. It was the same owner likes cats more than people issue. My mom regularly ended up doing more than she wanted to because work needed to be done and she felt bad for the cats.

After watching how it created stress for her and took time she wanted to spend on family and hobbies, I would not consider working or volunteering for a toxic organization. Or at least not unless you have boundary setting muscles of steel. Are you comfortable only working the hours you agreed to, leaving jobs undone even if it's less care for the animals, ignoring requests, and emotionally leaving all that at the organization door when you go home so it doesn't affect the rest of your life? Will the way the founder treats people and the environment affect how you see yourself or your contribution?

Working in a toxic environment would affect how I felt in other areas in my life. I would have trouble setting strict time boundaries once I got involved with the animals. So for me a positive healthy organization is a requirement for getting involved. I can help with disorganization etc, but I can't fix emotionally immature people or systemic toxic environments.

slugsworth

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2022, 12:26:28 PM »
Set boundaries and figure out what you want. You have a possibility of picking up an Exec director job you don't want  right now.

startingsmall

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2022, 03:53:59 PM »
As a veterinarian who has worked with a number of rescue groups, I've come to the conclusion that most of them are incredibly toxic. So are most veterinary clinics. Unfortunately, the characteristics that draw people towards working with animals don't often translate into a positive work environment.

mistymoney

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2022, 08:08:31 PM »
As a veterinarian who has worked with a number of rescue groups, I've come to the conclusion that most of them are incredibly toxic. So are most veterinary clinics. Unfortunately, the characteristics that draw people towards working with animals don't often translate into a positive work environment.

this is so sad to hear.

but - it is helping me with my own personal decision. I've taken in a number of cats this past year, but was not able to adopt them out as I had planned. I thought if I got them vacinated and fixed, finding homes would be easy. I had wanted to enter retirement pet free but now I have 6 cats that were just out on the street - 2 were older kittens. I noticed the adoptable pets at petsmart were in cages waiting for weeks or months for adoption. Even an adorable pair of kittens that looked just like the ones I had, but a month or two younger. I couldn't do that to the ones I had. I lured them inside with promises of food and treats and love, and I didn't want to put them into a situation where they would be caged and traumatized and waiting for a uncertain future/home. Even though I had way too many cats, I was getting hard pressed not to bring those other kittens home too! I checked every week I went to buy food. They can't still be here, they can't still be here. and every week, they were still there.

Everywhere is overflowing with cats and kittens, so not surprising I wasn't able to find homes. I feel like lots of people just discarded their pandemic cats when they went into heat or started spraying rather than getting them fixed, so the kitten population is exploding.

So - I am calling this my animal charitable contribution. To fix, house, and feed the max number I can handle. Even though sometimes I can't handle it! And hopefully because I kept pets I didn't intend to, others may find homes as I've taken 6 members out of system.

mistymoney

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2022, 08:12:02 PM »
for the OP, it is a tough situation for you and I understand that even though they aren't "yours", you can get super attched to the cats in your care, and they don't know they aren't "yours".

You could follow me, quit the job but take 6 home and call that your contribution!

reeshau

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2022, 10:30:37 AM »
It is incredibly difficult to walk away from something in which you have invested such high expectations, but do it for your own mental health.  What they need isn't compatible with what you want--at the moment.  Enjoy your "go-go" years time, and understand that the seasons may change: your kids will get older, and you may quench your thirst for travel.

I would add:  is there someone at the organization that you trust?  Maybe a board member or key person?  If you do decide to leave, have an "exit interview" with them, and let them know why, and under what conditions you would return.  Maybe nothing will come of it, but maybe your conversation could give them some ideas or energy to drive change in the organization.

sui generis

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2022, 09:52:33 AM »
I'm sorry to hear about the toxic environment there.  It's such a disappointment to see this occur and, while I have not had such a severe experience, I have unfortunately found it all too common.  I've been FIREd going on 4 years and have been very involved with a number of volunteer/charitable gigs since then and have regularly found that they are all more fucked up than we would all hope these critical organizations are.  One of them I work with is even a cat rescue too! 

I think how and whether you continue on with them depends on whether you can psychologically maintain the distance you need to keep the commitment within the space you have allocated for it in your life.  It takes a lot to hold back when you know with more time and (painful) effort you could probably make a bigger difference - even if you don't want to commit that time and effort.  Brainstorming and using techniques to compartmentalize the job and not let mental energy outside of the 15 hours per week get sucked up ruminating on it is important.  Meditating, practicing non-attachment, etc. might be helpful.  Practicing visualizing being ok with the organization still being fucked up in a lot of ways and you not being able to save them from themselves could be important to you setting realistic goals and expectations for your work there.  And hopefully that would allow you to be pleased with the difference you can make within your existing commitment rather than disappointed with all the problems you can't solve.

I have definitely practiced this non-attachment and compartmentalization with my "passion projects" and it has helped me maintain healthy boundaries and protect the time I want to spend with family, other passions and just relaxing!

Even without the fucked-upped-ness, there are pitfalls for FIREd folks making it hard to harmonize the work/volunteering you do with the increased freedom & time you want to enjoy with your family (as you describe).  These organizations are often just as inconvenienced by us taking time off as the old full-time gigs were.  In fact, there have been a number of opportunities I didn't pursue because of that (a marine mammal center and a local animal shelter that both wanted 6 months uninterrupted commitment.  I'm FIREd and like to do a lot of traveling and backcountry hiking trips, so I cannot commit to being at home for 6 months straight).  I've found it very hard to harmonize pursuing all my goals at the same time for FIRE, which is a bit disappointing.  My one overarching goal for FIRE was to have a nice variety of travel, backpacking and volunteering, but those things really aren't quite as compatiable as I thought.  I still do all of those things, but it's not as smooth and it's not quite how I hoped it could be. 

FIRE, as many things in life, is all about revising expectations as you go and actually experience many things you had only dreamt of in your previous life.  It can still be the best thing ever (and it has been for me!) but that doesn't mean it isn't without it's challenges....it's definitely not all sunshine and roses 24/7. I hope you can still find a way to make a difference for this org, and (on balance) enjoy doing it, while not letting the work *OR* the emotional baggage spill over into your personal time.

Missy B

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #10 on: March 25, 2022, 05:29:55 PM »
Communication is limited and often toxic. Their animal care practices are sometimes questionable. The founder of the organization is a cat lady that really doesn't like people and treats her employees and volunteers with contempt.
I would quit rather than deal with a toxic work environment - doubly so as a volunteer.  In a large organization you might be able to transfer somewhere, but an animal rescue is too small, so I would quit in this situation.

I've read a book about hoarders ("Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things") that painted a surprisingly different picture than I expected.  But it also mentioned people who hoard animals.  Could the founder be an animal hoarder, who has hundreds of cats?

From the book, animal hoarders feel they are on a mission, but they can't stop themselves from collecting too many animals.  So the cats wind up underfed and sanitation is forgotten.  It's a bad situation that the hoarder cannot admit to themselves - they want to think they're doing good, and can't admit otherwise.

But hoarder or not, I would avoid a toxic work environment and quit this place.

Really interesting, and I think you're right -- if not in this particular situation, then many other small rescue operations.
I remember a bookstore that was about 15 minutes away from our house. One day this empty shop had lots of books in it, stacked up to the windows. For weeks we watched, assuming the owner was getting everything unboxed and in order. But it didn't open.
Then, one day a friend of ours who was waiting outside tried the door, found it unlocked, and browsed until she found something. She brought her book back to the front and was met by the owner, who was quite put out, told her they weren't open and wouldn't sell her the book.
Weeks then months passed and the store never seemed to be open but was always full of books.
Some years on, I learned that the man was a hoarder and had rented the commercial property so he could hoard books undisturbed by his wife, who had eventually found out that he wasn't selling them and put an end to the 'store'.
By the way, that was a high cost of living area and a good location... rent wouldn't have been cheap.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2022, 01:19:48 AM »
Communication is limited and often toxic. Their animal care practices are sometimes questionable. The founder of the organization is a cat lady that really doesn't like people and treats her employees and volunteers with contempt.
I would quit rather than deal with a toxic work environment - doubly so as a volunteer.  In a large organization you might be able to transfer somewhere, but an animal rescue is too small, so I would quit in this situation.

I've read a book about hoarders ("Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things") that painted a surprisingly different picture than I expected.  But it also mentioned people who hoard animals.  Could the founder be an animal hoarder, who has hundreds of cats?

From the book, animal hoarders feel they are on a mission, but they can't stop themselves from collecting too many animals.  So the cats wind up underfed and sanitation is forgotten.  It's a bad situation that the hoarder cannot admit to themselves - they want to think they're doing good, and can't admit otherwise.

But hoarder or not, I would avoid a toxic work environment and quit this place.

Really interesting, and I think you're right -- if not in this particular situation, then many other small rescue operations.
I remember a bookstore that was about 15 minutes away from our house. One day this empty shop had lots of books in it, stacked up to the windows. For weeks we watched, assuming the owner was getting everything unboxed and in order. But it didn't open.
Then, one day a friend of ours who was waiting outside tried the door, found it unlocked, and browsed until she found something. She brought her book back to the front and was met by the owner, who was quite put out, told her they weren't open and wouldn't sell her the book.
Weeks then months passed and the store never seemed to be open but was always full of books.
Some years on, I learned that the man was a hoarder and had rented the commercial property so he could hoard books undisturbed by his wife, who had eventually found out that he wasn't selling them and put an end to the 'store'.
By the way, that was a high cost of living area and a good location... rent wouldn't have been cheap.

That was a brilliant idea of the hoarder to fool his wife for a period.

debbie does duncan

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2022, 07:27:33 AM »
https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-1

This is a link to my fav tool box when dealing with emotionally immature people.
 It reminds me how to deal with their drama triangle.
 Start with the 3 Cs and work your way thru until you find something that resonates for you.

HastyTortoise

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2022, 06:20:48 AM »
Thank you for all of your helpful responses to my post! Sorry I've taken so long to post an update, but a lot has happened in the interim.

After I made the original post and read some of your responses, I was planning on removing myself somewhat from the organization and asking one of my coworkers to take one of my workdays off of my hands. On the day I intended to ask her, she told me first that she was putting in her notice and leaving entirely to work for her family business. Crap! ... I'm happy for her new endeavors, but that left me as the only animal care worker Monday through Saturday (our one Sunday employee remained.) I suspected that the Founder and Board would not be very efficient in hiring new help and would ask me to cover even more days until they found someone (when I had intended to work even less.) I was definitely not prepared to work six days a week and deal with the trouble that would bring, so I had three choices: Run, and leave them with no staff to care for the animals, except the Sunday person. Brace myself and wait out the chaos, helping as much as I could and seeing what would play out. Or I could lean in and help them fix the core problems within the organization, ultimately making it a better place for me to work and better overall for staff, volunteers, and the animals. ... I chose to lean in.

It has not been an easy few weeks. The same day that my coworker told me she was leaving, I drafted a proposal for the Board to make me the Animal Care Manager, along with a list of some other structural changes within the organization to improve communications. Three of the six board members have been incredibly supportive; most of my suggestions have been approved. The founder is still difficult to deal with, but I learned that she is struggling with the onset of what is likely alzheimer's and is still in denial about it, which explains her mood changes; what often seems like apathy is really just the start of her memory failing. Only I and the board members know about this, which is why there is still so much hostility between the founder and the rest of the organization. I've begun taking on some of her responsibilities, and I think she's grateful, but it's very hard for her too. Now that I know the truth underlying her behavior, it's much easier for me to approach her with compassion.

As for my time commitment, I'm still able to work part-time. Starting on Monday, I'll officially begin my work as manager and will work in person at the shelter Monday through Friday 6-9:30am to take care of the new and sick animals, handling medications, special diets, inventory, and overall making sure all of our animals are doing well. (I'm a morning person so these hours are perfect for me! And it allows me the rest of the day for family time! I also made it clear that travel is important for my family, so we will be gone several weeks throughout the year, during which time the board would need to help cover - they were fine with this as several of them travel often and understand!) I'll have some work-from-home hours organizing animal records, maintaining the website, making vet calls, and helping the board hire new staff for the basic cleaning and care work. I've worked very hard to create rapport and build a positive relationship with much of our volunteer force, so they're ready to help us cover extra work while we're short-staffed.

I was so conflicted because, deep down, it just didn't feel right for me to give up on this organization yet. It's the only animal shelter for many miles, surrounded by corn fields and small industrial towns. I grew up around here and know that "animal welfare" is not part of the vernacular; this shelter is a one-of-a-kind place. I'm so grateful that my efforts are already having a tangible positive impact! It's definitely more work than I wanted to take on after early retirement, but I don't resent it, and my husband and kids are supportive (they've helped scoop litter boxes several times already, and my kids are always eager to love on the kitties.)

This experience has been so good for my personal growth too. It feels so different to work hard for something because I really care, rather than for the money. And this has certainly been hard work (physically, mentally, and emotionally.) There are still a handful of negative, grumpy people around, but they are now a part of my mindfulness practice, rather than a thorn in my side (most of the time - haha.) I'm feeling a lot more positive and grateful lately simply by working so hard to spread positivity and gratitude to others.

I have several difficult weeks ahead of me as I help the board hire new staff, get them trained, and acclimate to my new managerial responsibilities. I see an upward trajectory though, not without its battles (only half the board really trusts me yet), but I'm taking things one day and one situation at a time.

Thanks again for your support and advice! Mustachians unite to make positive change in the world - haha!


reeshau

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #14 on: March 27, 2022, 08:45:51 AM »
Congratulations!  It is so great that your risk seems to have paid off, for yourself and the organization.  Here's hoping the hiring goes well, and you can downshift this summer.

Now that you have been empowered to make change, is there any chance of mining former employees and volunteers for those new hires?  I expect they will have had similar issues with the culture as you did, and so would not only be on board with changing it, but also already be trained to shortcut that chore.

Good luck on the rest of the adventure!

former player

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #15 on: March 27, 2022, 09:00:30 AM »
You are an absolute star, taking lemons and making lemonade and setting a much needed welfare organisation on the road to sustainability.

MadBikePoet

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #16 on: March 28, 2022, 09:22:27 AM »
@HastyTortoise Good for you! Thanks for sharing the inspiring update. I think it's a great illustration of where personal growth comes from. It never comes from taking the easy path. I wish you success and happiness.

mistymoney

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Re: Post-FI part-time "passion" job gone awry
« Reply #17 on: March 29, 2022, 06:15:02 PM »
What a wonderful update, so unexpected too!

More paths forward then take or walk away. so glad you making changes and helping the helpless.