I agree, it depends on what you mean by "lean"
DH and I are very lean FI in that we have *just* enough to cover our general expenses but no wiggle room. Also, he's still working and I'm going back to work, so we're not FIREd at all.
Still I can answer your questions about frugality.
Frugality for us is absolutely second nature and it makes us very, very happy.
Frugality for us isn't about spending as little as possibly, it's about getting as much as we possibly can put of our money, and Holy crap do we get A LOT out of our money.
I often say that I'm not cheap, I'm just a snob about spending. A purchase has to pack a hell of a punch in terms of positive impact on our lives in order to be worth spending on.
Also, when I first read the blog, I really internalized the point that frugal choices are often superior and healthier.
Right after I graduated, I went from being dirt poor to making a ton of money. I spent on the usual shit that high earners spend on: fancy restaurants, nice clothes, a nice place to live in a high end neighbourhood, really good wine, weekend trips to places with really great spas and shopping.
It was fucking boring. Within 6 months I wanted to pull my goddamn hair out. I had enjoyed my life more during my decade+ of being a broke student.
I also very much embraced the messaging that frugality often correlates with living a healthier and more vibrant life.
As soon as I focused on frugality, life got much healthier and way more interesting.
When we focus on frugal activities, that means a lot more getting outside, it also means a lot more cheap/free community activities. So instead of paying for VIP concert tickets to some big show, we have seen countless outdoor/small venue concerts of some awesome performers we would never otherwise know of.
Recently we were prioritizing getting out to community events in the village where we have our summer home and saw an incredible one woman show outlining the indigenous history of the region, which I knew nothing about, but I'm keenly interested in Canadian indigenous history in general. It was incredible.
You wouldn't believe how fun and interesting some cheap/free events are, and once you start looking for them, you get so much more creative with respect to your activities. We went out to a Weiner dog race once where it was hundreds of Weiner dogs in costume. It was absurd, but it showed up in my search for activities for that weekend and sounded fun. It was hilarious.
These kind of events also get us involved in our communities, which is something we've really ended up focusing on in our mission to live out best lives. Having a really rich sense of community and active, wonderful close friendships is the cornerstone of living well for us.
Another element of frugality for us is spending A LOT of time outside. We live in two locations, each of which has access to endless paths/trails. Our go to hobby is to just go outside with our dog. Now, where we go outside happens to be world class tourist destinations with incredible views.
That's another element of frugality. We chose both of our homes very, very strategically to be low cost, and give us incredible access to nature.
On that two homes point. Having two homes 31 hours apart sounds pretty expensive and excessive, but it actually isn't.
First, the whole point of our frugality is to get out dollars to give us as much as possible, and all of those other frugal choices frees up a ton of cash to be able to own two houses, neither of which are rented out while we're gone (long story, but there's a good reason).
Second, it often actually cheaper to try and get everything you want out of two homes instead of one. To get everything we want from one home would cost us well over 1M, splitting it between two locations cost us under 300K.
We have a modest 1 bedroom apartment in an HCOL location where we have access to our families, healthcare, amenities, etc. Then we have a larger, more luxurious summer home on the ocean on one of the most beautiful locations on earth where the summers aren't scorching hot. And if we ever don't want to use the property ourselves, it would be a very lucrative vacation rental.
Frugality pushes us to be more creative and expansive in our thinking when looking at ways to improve our quality of life. We purposefully take the "easy" options of the table by not being willing to just spend our way to happiness, which we found doesn't even work very well anyway.
Having to really think through things and look at what the best options are pushed us to not only be more creative, but also more deeply honest with ourselves about what we need to be happy.
The most important element is actually that constant analysis. The biggest benefit BY FAR of living a frugal lifestyle for us has been that it forces constant communication between DH and I about happiness, security, fear, joy, hope, stress, etc.
We talk through every single possible thing we could choose to spend on and assess it for what tangible quality of life impacts it could have. We've done this for so many years that we understand each other at a level that is ridiculous.
That's why when I, seemingly out of nowhere, showed him a listing for a 110 year old house on a remote island neither of us had ever even been to, he just shrugged and said "yeah, let's do it."
People think we're the most easy going couple in the world because we so easily go along with what each other wants to do, but it's actually the opposite. We're both the pickiest, most selective people you will ever meet who like things EXACTLY as we like them, we just know ourselves and know each other so well that it's easy to understand and meet those expectations.
A constant focus on frugality pushes you to truly understand yourself and what you need from your money in order to be maximally happy.
Money isn't anything in and of itself, it's a placeholder for time and energy, which are resources whose value changes over time. So it's not about not spending, it's about getting the most out of your time and energy.
So I could exchange a certain number of hours to go sit at a nice restaurant and eat way too salty food and have dull, pointless exchanges with the server who I'm paying a premium to to pour my beverage for me. Or, I can put that money towards something more fun and beneficial and go for a hike with my spouse and my dog and pour my own beverage while sitting for hours looking at icebergs in the ocean.
Right now we're back in the city and our favourite "date" is taking our wonderful new dog to the dog park, and then having nice hot tea by the river. DH LOVES that dog, so free/cheap outdoor activities where the dog can come will win 99% of the time for him.
I'm focusing on entertainment because it is such a clear comparison, but it's everything.
-We eat a mostly vegetarian, legume based diet, which is wonderfully nutritious and incredibly tasty because I used to be a vegetarian chef despite never having been a vegetarian.
-We don't drink alcohol, which has been awesome for our health and weight. People thought I had had plastic surgery because I looked so much younger after quitting alcohol
-I do a ton of DIY around our houses, which is not only a great savings, but a super fun hobby. I literally spent all last summer fixing up two houses and it was so much fun.
-DH is super into pick up basketball, which is not only a great form of exercise, but also a deeply emotional experience because it's what he used to do with his father who died when he was quite young, so it connects him that way, which is something he only realized this year after years of playing
-I needed a whole new wardrobe this month because I'm on new meds that make me retain gobs of water. I just scored a giant pile of cashmere, merino wool, and angora tops from spending an hour at a thrift shop, and got about $3000 worth of shirts for around $100, which wouldn't even buy one new
The product of our frugality is that we have two beautiful homes in two amazing locations, we have tons of wonderful friends and family, with whom we spend a lot of quality time. We eat incredibly well, have fun hobbies, go out to a ton of cultural/community events, spend a TON of time in nature, and take exceptionally good care of our health. I'm disabled, so I really have to focus on my health, but DH is 50 and the leanest and most muscular he's ever been. The dude went from being a soft, middle aged government desk worker with strong opinions about wine to a ripped athlete who plays pickup basketball with literal teenagers several hours a week.
Our lives are as vibrant and joyful as possible and we squeeze every ounce of fun and satisfaction as we can put of them, and frugality is the key tool for accomplishing that.
Note that just because I say that, doesn't mean our lives are all rainbows and sunshine. I've had major health issues that have caused incredible challenges for us, and frugality has also been key to managing those. I can't tell you how many times I have been profoundly grateful that we have such a frugal lifestyle because it has freed up so much money to spend on healthcare and supportive supplies.
I've spent 5 figures annually on my health over the past 4 years and we could never have done that if we hadn't already learned how to live well on spending less. Had we not already driven our core, necessary expenses so low, especially the big ticket items of housing, transportation, and food.
Because of frugality, we were able to divert huge sums towards health without feeling like we were sacrificing quality of life.
So yeah, overall, frugality is the driving engine behind us enjoying our lives as much as possible.
