My Mom asked "What are you going to do with your life?"

[earlyFI]

I FIREd in Aug 2015 at age 45 and was talking to my Mom on the phone a few night ago. She asked what I was doing the next day, I replied that I was going skiing (Which I have done frequently, having been given an annual pass by a friend) Her next question was "What are you going to do with your life?", as if I was still living at home with a part time job at McDonald's. She continued " You used to have so many goals in life, and now you have accomplished them all, so what now?"

I know she doesn't get the concept of retiring early so you CAN accomplish all the goals you have in life, she is still working at age 72.

How would you respond?

[pbkmaine]

"I'm doing it, Mom."

[Frankies Girl]

I'm lucky as my mom experienced a pretty harsh working environment and stress during her last 5 years in her career and got out as soon as she could. She understood how all that stress and BS can break you down and how much PTSD and recovery was necessary and is constantly telling me to be kind to myself and take it easy and how proud she is of me doing "whatever the hell I want" now. She was telling me to quit over a year before I finally did and is nothing but supportive of the decision.


If I was in the same position as you, tho, I would tell her that I'm doing whatever interests me or excites me - learning new things, exploring new places, building up my health and wellbeing through outdoor activities and exercise, and expanding my knowledge by reading and taking classes and volunteering. My days are full and enjoyable and I finally feel like I have a chance to just be me.

[jim555]

Did you start singing...

We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore
We've got the right to choose and
There ain't no way we'll lose it
This is our life, this is our song
We'll fight the powers that be just
Don't pick our destiny 'cause
You don't know us, you don't belong...

[steveo]

My parents are the same. I'm not going to update them on how we are going. It's not worth the drama.

[happy]

I'm on the wrong side of 55, and have started dropping hints about not working on  in my fairly high pressure job ( albeit part-time) for many years longer. Despite the fact  a sizeable number of folk stop high pressure jobs in their 50s ( let alone 60), this is met with a general look of confusion and concern  by my folks and impractical suggestions of  alternate careers in equally difficult areas.  I'm not sure they'll ever get it - they come from "a work until you drop" generation - Dad worked until he was 83 or so.  So like Steveo I'm don't bring it up now. I'm toying with not telling them when I actually retire - not sure how this will sit when I actually get there.

As for OP , either  Pbkmaine's or Frankie Girl's reply sound like a good way to go.

[chrisgermany]

"Whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want."

[Squirrel away]

I FIREd in Aug 2015 at age 45 and was talking to my Mom on the phone a few night ago. She asked what I was doing the next day, I replied that I was going skiing (Which I have done frequently, having been given an annual pass by a friend) Her next question was "What are you going to do with your life?", as if I was still living at home with a part time job at McDonald's. She continued " You used to have so many goals in life, and now you have accomplished them all, so what now?"

I know she doesn't get the concept of retiring early so you CAN accomplish all the goals you have in life, she is still working at age 72.

How would you respond?

Wow, she is still working at 72. I would probably try and help her to find a way to retire too if I were you.:)

[Dicey]

Both of my parents passed away in the last year, but your question made me grateful that they never, ever questioned my plans to FIRE. I never borrowed any money from them or received any large cash infusions such as for a car, college or wedding as some of my siblings did, so I think they were pretty confident in my financial acumen.  Once their estate is settled,  I expect to inherit about $25k, all of which I have earmarked for charitable giving.

As to earlyFI's last question, I think interfering with her choices is the other side of the same coin, so I think I'd  live and let live.

[SMCx3]

I appreciate your concern Mom, but I want you know how happy I am with my life.

[steveo]

I'm toying with not telling them when I actually retire - not sure how this will sit when I actually get there.

I'm not toying with it. I'm not telling them. We paid off the house at the start of the year but I'm not telling them. I will probably work part time and then quit and I won't update them on those events either.

Wow, she is still working at 72. I would probably try and help her to find a way to retire too if I were you.:)

Same as my mum. I reckon they have millions as well plus dad gets a pension for 50k. Mum hasn't had to work for years but she still does it.

My parents are great but they think work is something that you should just do for as long as you can. Dad only quit because he was sacked and he couldn't be bothered finding another job.

[Squirrel away]

Same as my mum. I reckon they have millions as well plus dad gets a pension for 50k. Mum hasn't had to work for years but she still does it.

My parents are great but they think work is something that you should just do for as long as you can. Dad only quit because he was sacked and he couldn't be bothered finding another job.

It's such a strange attitude, but obviously very common as people like us on MMM are considered the weird ones.:) I notice I am getting more aches and pains and I'm only 40, I wouldn't want to be working when I'm old.

[acroy]

Better have a good answer for Mom, can't b.s. her ;)
what IS your goal in life? personal 'happiness', defined as time, stuff and travel? something else?
Many of us fret over what we get out of the world, but what are you putting into the world? How is it a better place for you being here?

[MandyM]

Better have a good answer for Mom, can't b.s. her ;)
what IS your goal in life? personal 'happiness', defined as time, stuff and travel? something else?
Many of us fret over what we get out of the world, but what are you putting into the world? How is it a better place for you being here?

This was my thought. I assume that most of us do have tons of post-FIRE goals, its just a matter of framing your answer so that mom has a better chance of "getting it."

[earlyFI]

Thank you for all the wonderful responses.

My parents aren't very good with money. I think I am as a direct result of watching them mismanage their finances for so long. My Mom knows I am good with money and we have talked about her own retirement. She would have to sell her very large house to make it work, and I think it's just easier for her to continue to go to work everyday than to deal with selling and moving. (Although we have offered to help). I think my Mom had her doubts all along, and was trying really hard to not say anything, until now.

My Dad is very supportive, he had his own business so he likes it that I quit, as he doesn't like to work for other people.

I have noticed that there are all variations of responses to my retirement. Some people don't say anything, but ask my friends later "What did she do that she could retire at 45?" When the reply is "she was a teacher" I think that it does not compute. Others don't say anything, and very few ask me how I did It. I think retiring early to pursue your life passions is just not on the radar for most people, they don't even think it is possible.

I have to say, it is better than I had imagined, and I have a great imagination.

[Cromacster]

Her next question was "What are you going to do with your life?", as if I was still living at home with a part time job at McDonald's. She continued " You used to have so many goals in life, and now you have accomplished them all, so what now?"

How would you respond?

I would respond "I'm going skiiing tomorrow"

[ol1970]

We both Fired at nearly the same time & age.  My parents were extremely supportive and happy for me, probably has a little to due with my siblings being at the opposite end of the spectrum on the financial responsibility scale. 

More of my pressure has been from former co-workers telling me that I'll miss it, or be bored.  I can see getting involved in some sort of business again, but at a much different scale.  I sold an item to one of my former employees last weekend and its only when chatting with them that the competitive juices get flowing.  It was fairly easy to make big money, but after a year away I realize that I really don't need more money...all I would do is buy more crap or go out to dinner more often. 

I just subscribe to the mantra of "if you only had 20 years left to live, how would you take advantage of that time".  Like you it is going to be filled with skiing (or snowboarding in my case) Hiking, sailing, exploring, meeting new people, and enjoying the company of my friends and family.   Life is good!

[I'm a red panda]

"Enjoy it"

[davisgang90]

My mother-in-law told me I couldn't just retire when I retire from the Navy.  She said I had to pay my dues.  As if 28 years on active duty in Uncle Sam's Yacht Club doesn't count.

[Carolina on My Mind]

My mother-in-law told me I couldn't just retire when I retire from the Navy.  She said I had to pay my dues.  As if 28 years on active duty in Uncle Sam's Yacht Club doesn't count.

Wow, she's a tough customer!

[MandyM]

I have to say, it is better than I had imagined, and I have a great imagination.

Every time I read something like this, it makes me happy.

[Gone Fishing]

My dad, who has been a great supporter or my ER over the past few years, has had a little anxiety about my retirement during the past few weeks.  When he expresses concern, I tell him everything will be okay because, if anything goes wrong, I will just move my family into his large basement...

[Mr. Green]

My Dad was a farmer until his late 20's. He was born on the family farm, and from ages 7 to 19 he and his father ran the farm alone. His Dad died and he continued running the farm until he eventually sold it. He has always said that one of the things he liked about farming is the long periods of time you get to think about life. When you're running a tractor or combine, most of it is pretty mindless work, just guiding the machine. Seems like no one ever has a chance to really think about life anymore. It's school, then job, then family. The merry-go-round just keeps spinning until you're old and maybe you don't even know who you really are because you never had much time to stop and think about it.

I think this might be the part of FIRE that I'm looking forward to the most, time to think. Not solve the world type thinking but just pondering. Since you can't take anything with you, you'd think the relaxation, enlightenment, and wonder that comes from this kind of thinking would be something lots of folks would aspire to do. I guess most of us are too lost in the noise to know what we're missing.

[Gone Fishing]

My Dad was a farmer until his late 20's. He was born on the family farm, and from ages 7 to 19 he and his father ran the farm alone. His Dad died and he continued running the farm until he eventually sold it. He has always said that one of the things he liked about farming is the long periods of time you get to think about life. When you're running a tractor or combine, most of it is pretty mindless work, just guiding the machine. Seems like no one ever has a chance to really think about life anymore. It's school, then job, then family. The merry-go-round just keeps spinning until you're old and maybe you don't even know who you really are because you never had much time to stop and think about it.

I think this might be the part of FIRE that I'm looking forward to the most, time to think. Not solve the world type thinking but just pondering. Since you can't take anything with you, you'd think the relaxation, enlightenment, and wonder that comes from this kind of thinking would be something lots of folks would aspire to do. I guess most of us are too lost in the noise to know what we're missing.

This may be one reason why I walk more than I ride a bike.  Walking just seems conducive to contemplating life.

[Mr. Green]

My Dad was a farmer until his late 20's. He was born on the family farm, and from ages 7 to 19 he and his father ran the farm alone. His Dad died and he continued running the farm until he eventually sold it. He has always said that one of the things he liked about farming is the long periods of time you get to think about life. When you're running a tractor or combine, most of it is pretty mindless work, just guiding the machine. Seems like no one ever has a chance to really think about life anymore. It's school, then job, then family. The merry-go-round just keeps spinning until you're old and maybe you don't even know who you really are because you never had much time to stop and think about it.

I think this might be the part of FIRE that I'm looking forward to the most, time to think. Not solve the world type thinking but just pondering. Since you can't take anything with you, you'd think the relaxation, enlightenment, and wonder that comes from this kind of thinking would be something lots of folks would aspire to do. I guess most of us are too lost in the noise to know what we're missing.

This may be one reason why I walk more than I ride a bike.  Walking just seems conducive to contemplating life.

Two days after FIRE I'm disappearing for a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail. I am very much looking forward to 5 months of thinking about life.

[Batastrophe]

As indicated by the prior Twisted Sister reference, the only proper response to the question in the subject of your post is, "I'm Wanna Rock!"  Levity aside, when people ask me the same question about my pending FIRE, my reply is a simple, "whatever I want, whenever I want."  I then let them know I have a list of literally hundreds of things I want to do, experience, contribute to, help others with and my biggest concern is getting to enjoy them in the short period of time I've allowed myself by having dedicated such a great portion of my life to my career. 

[Travis]

You used to have so many goals in life, and now you have accomplished them all, so what now?"

As far as FIRE naysayers go, that's a nice compliment.  It beats the hell out of "it won't work" or "are you going to just loaf around?"

[Villanelle]

You said that she doesn't get the concept of FIRE so that you CAN accomplish all your goals.  That suggests you do have goals.  So tell her that.  "I'm going to spend a lot of time working on my goal of finishing my novel and getting it published. I'm also hoping that this year's vegetable garden will keep us stocked with most of the veggies we need. I also have a list of books I want to read, and I'm going to be volunteering 3 hours a week at the Ronald McDonald house.  And I'm hoping to be able to run a sub-6 minute mile sometime soon, too.  And I'm putting a lot of time in to planning my 8 week trip to Europe, which will be fulfilling a major life dream for me."

Whatever your goals are, share them with her.  She seems to understand and respect goals, and you seem to have goals, so why not share them. 

[earlyFI]

Love the replies, thank you for the insights everyone!

Some thoughts:
I have noticed that since leaving full time work... I have and take the time to think, to reflect. I have found myself thinking deeper since retirement. I have both the time and energy.

My relationships have also changed. I can spend time with my family, friends, neighbors. I have spend the last 2 days helping some friends construct a tear drop trailer from the ground up. I will help until it is finished.

My life follows a more natural flow. Today it is snowing really hard outside, so I can sit and watch the snow come down and I don't have to drive in it. Other times I do projects where I am working 14 hr days on things I enjoy.

I can't wipe the smile off my face

[zephyr911]

My mother-in-law told me I couldn't just retire when I retire from the Navy.  She said I had to pay my dues.  As if 28 years on active duty in Uncle Sam's Yacht Club doesn't count.

Misery loves company!

[Mr.Tako]

For people of a certain generation and age, life most definitely is about WORK.  The concept of not working (at a job for money) is completely foreign to them.

My own parents are like this.  They believe anyone who doesn't work is a 'bum', living off government handouts.

I usually just try avoid the conversation with them.

[Rollin]

I FIREd in Aug 2015 at age 45 and was talking to my Mom on the phone a few night ago. She asked what I was doing the next day, I replied that I was going skiing (Which I have done frequently, having been given an annual pass by a friend) Her next question was "What are you going to do with your life?", as if I was still living at home with a part time job at McDonald's. She continued " You used to have so many goals in life, and now you have accomplished them all, so what now?"

I know she doesn't get the concept of retiring early so you CAN accomplish all the goals you have in life, she is still working at age 72.

How would you respond?

Moms will always be moms. It wasn't really a question, it was her voicing her (mom) concerns. No answer will suffice (at least no non-FIRE answer). Sometimes things just don't make sense.

[Rollin]

My dad, who has been a great supporter or my ER over the past few years, has had a little anxiety about my retirement during the past few weeks.  When he expresses his concern, I tell him everything will be okay because, if anything goes wrong, I will just move my family into his large basement...

Fixed that for ya!

Often the questions I get are really the person askings insecurity and personal concern (for themselves) projected onto you.

[happy]

Little do they know, I plan to have a ten year maternity leave at the very least ;)

Thats totally the easiest transition IMO. " Just taking time out to enjoy the baby, toddler preschooler etc…they grow up so fast." Seems to be widely accepted if you are a mum, a little harder to do if you are a dad, but stay at home dads are definitely  gaining acceptance.

[Iron Mike Sharpe]

Did you start singing...

We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore
We've got the right to choose and
There ain't no way we'll lose it
This is our life, this is our song
We'll fight the powers that be just
Don't pick our destiny 'cause
You don't know us, you don't belong...

I WANNA ROCK!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xmckWVPRaI

[Miss Prim]

My mom was the exact opposite.  Her and my dad retired at 55 and 56, Dad on a medical retirement and my mom retired because my dad retired.  They really didn't save enough money and almost 30 years later, they are running out.  But, my mom kept encouraging me to retire in my 50's, but I told her that I didn't have enough saved yet to do that.  Thanks to this site, I knew how much I needed and saved until I had enough, which turned out to be 61. 

The last few years though, DH and I were only working part-time, so we called ourselves semi-retired, so they weren't stressful years.

                                                               Miss Prim

[dude]

Not my parents, but my in-laws.  Both retired around 65.  They had plans to travel, which they did for a few years.  But right around age 70, they both started breaking down.  One health problem after another.  They are both in their late 70's now, and haven't traveled since they turned 70.  When I tell them of my FIRE plans, they both say, "oh you are smart to do that -- retire when you are young so you can travel and still do things."  Damn straight.

[Parizade]

I FIREd in Aug 2015 at age 45 and was talking to my Mom on the phone a few night ago. She asked what I was doing the next day, I replied that I was going skiing (Which I have done frequently, having been given an annual pass by a friend) Her next question was "What are you going to do with your life?", as if I was still living at home with a part time job at McDonald's. She continued " You used to have so many goals in life, and now you have accomplished them all, so what now?"

I know she doesn't get the concept of retiring early so you CAN accomplish all the goals you have in life, she is still working at age 72.

How would you respond?

Send her a Walt Whitman poem:

Not from successful love alone,
Nor wealth, nor honor'd middle age, nor victories of politics or war;
But as life wanes, and all the turbulent passions calm,
As gorgeous, vapory, silent hues cover the evening sky,
As softness, fulness, rest, suffuse the frame, like freshier, balmier air,
As the days take on a mellower light, and the apple at last hangs
really finish'd and indolent-ripe on the tree,
Then for the teeming quietest, happiest days of all!
The brooding and blissful halcyon days!

[Cassie]

Dude: I have read that most people don't want to travel much after age 70. My Mom liked to travel much more then me and still did it in her 70's and 80's but would want to go to one hotel and stay because it got to be too much work to pack her suitcase up everyday for a new location.  She traveled a lot less in her 80's and by 85 not at all.

[Mr. Green]

Dude: I have read that most people don't want to travel much after age 70. My Mom liked to travel much more then me and still did it in her 70's and 80's but would want to go to one hotel and stay because it got to be too much work to pack her suitcase up everyday for a new location.  She traveled a lot less in her 80's and by 85 not at all.

My grandparents used to do all kinds of traveling. Bus tours with the Lions Club, cruises, air travel to see family. Once they hit their mid-70's it all pretty much stopped. It wasn't so much that they couldn't travel anymore but it was so rare that there was a week or two of consecutive good days that the idea of being away from home and feeling bad, even if it was only part of the trip, suppressed their desire to travel. Carpe diem!

[earlyFI]

So maybe that is why my Mom turns me down when I offer to take her anywhere she wants in the world. She has never had a passport and doesn't seem interested in seeing other places. If I ask "where would you want to go if you could go anywhere?"..she replies, I dunno, maybe Italy? So for the last 3 years I have offered to take her to Italy, but she never will take the time off work. Maybe it's her age, maybe personality.

I on the other hand, I love travel and have been all over, I would like to travel now while I still can.

[soccerluvof4]

My mom passed four years before I retired but she would of said " I am happy for you, I always worried all you did was work. My dad (real dad) said " great! and that was about it. He retired at 52 so he gets it.

[Villanelle]

My parents are in their early/mid 70s and still travel.  It's just at a slightly slower pace.  It used to be side trips and adventures and scuba diving 2-3x/day for many of the days.  Now there's a lot more sitting on the beach reading, or doing tourist stuff for a few hours and then calling it an afternoon.

They also seem much more in to fully organized travel. By that I am referring to things like cruises.  My mom also had always wanted to go to Italy, so my sister and I took her on an Italian cruise.  (Well, she took us as she insisted on paying, but we organized all of it).  We booked excursions with outside companies, but it was all planned and ready for her.  That seems to be more appealing now than just going some place and figuring it out, which seems like maybe it overwhelms them.  When they visited my while I was living iN Germany, I kept pushing them for a list of things they wanted to see or do.  Even after I gifted them a travel guide, they seemed unable or unwilling to come up with the list, and they told me to just plan it.  That was stressful as it was hard to know what expectations they had, but they seemed much happier when I told them on Monday we were doing X. 

[steveo]

I FIREd in Aug 2015 at age 45 and was talking to my Mom on the phone a few night ago. She asked what I was doing the next day, I replied that I was going skiing (Which I have done frequently, having been given an annual pass by a friend) Her next question was "What are you going to do with your life?", as if I was still living at home with a part time job at McDonald's. She continued " You used to have so many goals in life, and now you have accomplished them all, so what now?"

I know she doesn't get the concept of retiring early so you CAN accomplish all the goals you have in life, she is still working at age 72.

How would you respond?

Send her a Walt Whitman poem:

Not from successful love alone,
Nor wealth, nor honor'd middle age, nor victories of politics or war;
But as life wanes, and all the turbulent passions calm,
As gorgeous, vapory, silent hues cover the evening sky,
As softness, fulness, rest, suffuse the frame, like freshier, balmier air,
As the days take on a mellower light, and the apple at last hangs
really finish'd and indolent-ripe on the tree,
Then for the teeming quietest, happiest days of all!
The brooding and blissful halcyon days!

This is great.

[AussieCat]

As indicated by the prior Twisted Sister reference, the only proper response to the question in the subject of your post is, "I'm Wanna Rock!"  Levity aside, when people ask me the same question about my pending FIRE, my reply is a simple, "whatever I want, whenever I want."  I then let them know I have a list of literally hundreds of things I want to do, experience, contribute to, help others with and my biggest concern is getting to enjoy them in the short period of time I've allowed myself by having dedicated such a great portion of my life to my career.

Love this one - popping it away for use when we need it in another few years :)

I'm not expecting any surprise or angst from my parents, but I think my parents-in-law will be a different story, and only driven by worry, rather than disapproval. Perhaps they'll surprise me though - they have always been ready to acknowledge hubby and I are the more financially responsible, non-hand out requesting/accepting siblings on each side. Maybe they'll get it.

I do wish they would enjoy more of what they have saved, and if anything I'm concerned that our FIRE will make them even more (unnecessarily and missing out on what they want to do) frugal, from misplaced concern that we would want or need an inheritance - despite us having been Crystal clear for years that that is their money, and faff all to do with us (farming family, inheritance is built into their natures). I would hate that, and think our solution might be to lay all our financial cards on the table for them to see that we are and will continue to be a-ok.

It's tough!

[Gone Fishing]

What are you going to do with your life?

Blow people's minds by telling them I am retired.

[retired?]

Same as my mum. I reckon they have millions as well plus dad gets a pension for 50k. Mum hasn't had to work for years but she still does it.

My parents are great but they think work is something that you should just do for as long as you can. Dad only quit because he was sacked and he couldn't be bothered finding another job.

It's such a strange attitude, but obviously very common as people like us on MMM are considered the weird ones.:) I notice I am getting more aches and pains and I'm only 40, I wouldn't want to be working when I'm old.

I think this sort of thinking is common.  My mom retired at the end of 2015 at the age of 69.  I gave her a book on the transition to retirement and having more free time.  A few weeks later I asked if the book was good.  She responded that she got the author's points, but that she identified her self worth with working.  She'll likely find a part-time job. 

It's difficult for many to adjust their mindset from the idea that 'you work 45 years and then do nothing' or 'work if you are able'.

[Mr. Green]

What are you going to do with your life?

Blow people's minds by telling them I am retired.

Absolutely!

[desk_jockey]

Her next question was "What are you going to do with your life?"

I don't know exactly.  I have a lot of ideas and I'm looking forward to taking the next few years to figure it out.

She continued " You used to have so many goals in life, and now you have accomplished them all, so what now?"

Wait?!!!  Are you suggesting that if I've accomplished all my goals, I should keep doing the same thing?  Accomplishing all my goals is a great reason for ER.  Maybe I'll use the next few years of retirement to think up some new goals. 

[o2bfree]

I'm starting to think about this, how my mom will react when I'm FIREd. I'm not retiring especially early, hope to do so at 55, but at that age my folks were hitting full stride. Their business was thriving, they'd just moved into a big custom home, were leading tour groups on international trips, involved in a social/charity organization --in general they were on fire. Me, I'll likely be puttering around the veggie garden, going to the gym, going on bike rides, doing road trips, low-key stuff.

Thing is it's likely my mom will be living with us, so she'll be right there seeing all this. Yeah, she'll be in her late 80s, and I know she'll be feeling some gratitude about being able to live with family, but she's a critical, opinionated gal, and I can imagine what she'll think. I feel a little ashamed of my lack of ambition compared to her and dad.