I use those comments as entertainment.
We are two people living in a "soulless apartment", a one bedroom in an early 1970s building in the sketchiest neighbourhood in the region. We get A LOT of comments.
The thing is, people are going to judge you. You can't avoid it, people judge. Maybe they'll judge the size of your house or its finishes, or maybe they'll judge your weight, maybe your marriage, or your politics. Whatever, they're going to judge you, you really cannot avoid it.
People only *say* the judgements that they feel are benign enough to say. So when they say something out loud to you, it gives you insight into what they think isn't a big deal to say.
No one who comes into my house and asks when I'll be ripping out my 50 year old cabinets is saying it because they think the comment is judgemental. They're saying it because they think it's a given that I want to junk my old cabinets.
So you don't share priorities with everyone?
Do you really expect to? Also, would it really be a good thing?
Being exactly like others is only valuable if you want all of your social interactions to be frictionless and lack depth.
Celebrate your differences. When someone comments on my old cabinets, I actually take an interest in what their vision would be. I usually ask "what would you do in here?" and I enjoy seeing my home through the vision of other people. I'm always mentally renovating and redecorating other people's homes when I walk in, so it's fun to actually dig into what they're imagining.
It also gives me a chance for real conversation.
Them: "So when are you redoing the 70s kitchen?"
Me: "No real plans, what would you do in here?"
Them: "I wouldn't rip out the cabinets because the layout is good, so I would have them refaced. We did that"
Me: "Oh? I didn't know that, I thought you had gut your kitchen because it looks completely different"
Them: "no, we kept all the old boxes and added a bunch more, that's why it looks completely redone, we saved a ton of money."
Me: "Oh cool. Well these doors are old, but they're solid wood and I like noodling around on projects so I'm planning on refinishing them myself at some point, maybe going darker"
Them: "refacing would be easier, and it's not very expensive"
Me: "sure, but I like having projects and since I'm retired now, it's fun, not work. Plus I'm not that picky about what my cabinets look like in the first place, if I was still working I would just leave them like this. For me, if a cabinet door opens and closes, it's good enough for me"
Them: "Ugh, not me, if it doesn't look right, it drives me crazy"
Me: "Yeah, I think most people feel that way. I'm like that about cleanliness. I don't really care about what my cabinet looks like, but God forbid there's any dust or clutter in my house. It visually disturbs me"
Them: "Yeah, you're a total clean freak"
Me: "Says the person who can't let an ugly cabinet door live in peace, lol"
Them: "lol, fair point"
All you have to do to convert most conversations from unpleasant to interesting is to just take an interest, unless that person is being purposefully cruel, which is rare. Dig into why that person is saying what they're saying. Relate to the parts that you relate to and explore the things that make you different. That's the best part of talking to people.
Me and two of my closest friends all took possession on the exact same day two years ago. All three households have completely changed the appearances of our homes. We bought this tiny, dated apartment that was so ugly we got it at a huge discount, when all it needed was superficial cosmetic work, so nothing expensive, just a ton of elbow grease. My one friend bought a huge, expensive, riverfront country house, and they've slowly gutted the entire main floor. My other friend bought an older urban duplex and is living in and fixing up the hideous lower unit.
3 wildly different homes, 3 completely different renovating schemes, and it's so much fun for us to compare and contrast our experiences, priorities, etc. The fact that our priorities are so different is what makes the ongoing conversation more interesting.
Don't conflate differing values and priorities with an inability to connect.
If someone is a jerk, that's a different matter. But you could have the *exact same* values and priorities and find someone an asshole. Some of the biggest arrogant dicks I've met are fellow FIRE folks who have far more aligned with me than some of my crazy spending friends with Ferrari collections.
The thing is, even when someone is a blatant asshole in their overt judgement of my lifestyle choices, I'm just entertained. I had an old receptionists who was very judgemental and outspoken about her opinions on my choices. Over time, I figured her out and thought she was hilarious. She became one of my favourite people in the whole world. We just both held strong opinions and both had shitty filters. She was not an actual asshole, not even a little bit, she was a fucking nutter, and in her own Froot Loops way one of the most emotionally generous people I've ever worked with. Even though the first thing she ever said to me, her new boss, was "you drive that piece of shit?"
My favourite thing she ever said to me was "you look really nice today, and I don't give false compliments, I'll only tell you you look nice when you do". I said "we've been working together for 2 years and you've never said I look nice". She said "I know".
I...died...laughing...
People are complicated, and most are pretty shitty at social interactions. You can either let them be off putting, or try to dig in and see what's behind their cringey behaviour.