Author Topic: How to handle FOMO in retirement  (Read 4499 times)

JoJo

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How to handle FOMO in retirement
« on: August 30, 2021, 08:51:40 AM »
I've only been retired for 2.5 months but one of the biggest things I'm struggling with is the Fear Of Missing Out.  I don't have a lot of structure in my life, either events or geographical locational, and I'm struggling to make decisions on which thing to do and way to go next.   Any advice?  Books you'd recommend? 

reeshau

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2021, 09:47:07 AM »
Two pieces of advice, initially:

1) Give yourself time to decompress.  You have your whole life ahead of you, so things don't have to be solved in the next day/week/month.  Get to know your new self and your basic routine.

2) Start small / try some things out.  Maybe you have an interest, but don't know for sure.  So dip a toe in, rather than making a big commitment.  Again, you have time to build up interest / involvement / equipment / time commitment.

What do you fear missing out on?  Things your working age peers are doing?  Things retired folks "should" be doing?  Current events/gossip/debate/water cooler talk?

Two books that might be along the lines you are thinking:

Purposeful Retirement, by Hyrum Smith
How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free by Ernie Zelinski

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2021, 11:40:33 AM »
Want to echo the decompression advice.  The first six months are kind of a weird head space to be in.  You shouldn't do anything but futz around for the first 6 months.  You need to be passively introspective while your subconscious gets a hold of what your new identity is.

terran

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2021, 01:28:32 PM »
You shouldn't do anything but futz around for the first 6 months.  You need to be passively introspective while your subconscious gets a hold of what your new identity is.

Interesting. Our plan when we FIRE is to slow travel, and from the lack of geographical structure it sounds like JoJo is also traveling full time. Would you say it's not possible to achieve passive introspection and get ahold of your new identity if you have constant stimulation from new/changing environments?

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2021, 03:43:46 PM »
You shouldn't do anything but futz around for the first 6 months.  You need to be passively introspective while your subconscious gets a hold of what your new identity is.

Interesting. Our plan when we FIRE is to slow travel, and from the lack of geographical structure it sounds like JoJo is also traveling full time. Would you say it's not possible to achieve passive introspection and get ahold of your new identity if you have constant stimulation from new/changing environments?

The shock to the system that decombobulates you is going from "work" to "something else".  If your permanent something else is slow travel, then go ahead and slow travel.  Otherwise, when you stop slow travel, you'll be discombobulated again!

2sk22

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2021, 04:10:08 PM »
It's now almost a year since I retired. I thought I had a good idea how I would spend my day when I stopped working. However, as everyone says, it took a while to actually settle down into a sort of a routine.

I have always had a lot of hobbies and interests so when I retired, I was definitely not afraid of running out of things to do. Quite the contrary, I was wondering how I would be able to cram everything I wanted to do into my daily schedule.

My main adjustment has been to internalize the fact that I don't have to pack my days with nonstop activities. I was never very productive in the afternoons so I now take a couple of hours off after lunch to watch videos or read novels and relax in general. And yet, somehow without trying too hard, I seem to have made good progress in a number of areas of interest.

I still do have some structure in my life: I get up early and exercise in a gym every day without fail. I have kept up my study of German. I read philosophy for an hour or so. I work on my hobby of model trains every day even if it's only for a few minutes.

JoJo

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2021, 08:01:59 PM »
You shouldn't do anything but futz around for the first 6 months.  You need to be passively introspective while your subconscious gets a hold of what your new identity is.

Interesting. Our plan when we FIRE is to slow travel, and from the lack of geographical structure it sounds like JoJo is also traveling full time. Would you say it's not possible to achieve passive introspection and get ahold of your new identity if you have constant stimulation from new/changing environments?

Yes, I'm trying to do the slow travel thing... having a hard time deciding which way to go... For example, in September have an invite to Greece cruise, or meet a friend for van camping in U.P.,  also want to head south towards New Mexico and like a guy in Colorado and could maybe invite myself there for a short visit.  I figure I'm young enough to get to every place, so I'm thinking more about experiences with people.   Really would like to meet someone, so also thinking about what might maximize my chances for that. 

Metalcat

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2021, 08:06:53 PM »
This is normal.

You haven't decompressed yet.
Give it time, and consider a bit of therapy if the feeling persists for more than another month.

You will know you are in a mentally healthy place when the prospect of having no idea what will fill your time feels peaceful. Not because you will be doing nothing, but because you've gotten to a point where you just trust that you will always do interesting things, so it's never something you need to worry about.

dougules

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2021, 08:10:52 PM »
It also seems like you're running up against the paradox of choice.  You've got so many options and only one of you.  I'm coming up on FIRE in a couple of months, and I'm starting to feel it already. 

boarder42

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2021, 08:22:12 PM »
You shouldn't do anything but futz around for the first 6 months.  You need to be passively introspective while your subconscious gets a hold of what your new identity is.

Interesting. Our plan when we FIRE is to slow travel, and from the lack of geographical structure it sounds like JoJo is also traveling full time. Would you say it's not possible to achieve passive introspection and get ahold of your new identity if you have constant stimulation from new/changing environments?

Yes, I'm trying to do the slow travel thing... having a hard time deciding which way to go... For example, in September have an invite to Greece cruise, or meet a friend for van camping in U.P.,  also want to head south towards New Mexico and like a guy in Colorado and could maybe invite myself there for a short visit.  I figure I'm young enough to get to every place, so I'm thinking more about experiences with people.   Really would like to meet someone, so also thinking about what might maximize my chances for that.

If you're slow traveling and want to meet someone why not try some singles trips

boarder42

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #10 on: August 31, 2021, 06:21:55 AM »
I'll also say it's nice to just take some breaks. Our start to varying parts of our re life have been mildly hectic. I went on FMLA and my wife decided to retire after 2 weeks of me being on FMLA to start a photo business mostly for fun and something to do. But it's like work never stopped for her. But we do get the joy of dropping our kids off together. Now my FMLA is about to end.  And we'll have to relearn our lives again for about 4 months before I retire officially.

JoJo

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #11 on: August 31, 2021, 12:36:45 PM »
You shouldn't do anything but futz around for the first 6 months.  You need to be passively introspective while your subconscious gets a hold of what your new identity is.

Interesting. Our plan when we FIRE is to slow travel, and from the lack of geographical structure it sounds like JoJo is also traveling full time. Would you say it's not possible to achieve passive introspection and get ahold of your new identity if you have constant stimulation from new/changing environments?

Yes, I'm trying to do the slow travel thing... having a hard time deciding which way to go... For example, in September have an invite to Greece cruise, or meet a friend for van camping in U.P.,  also want to head south towards New Mexico and like a guy in Colorado and could maybe invite myself there for a short visit.  I figure I'm young enough to get to every place, so I'm thinking more about experiences with people.   Really would like to meet someone, so also thinking about what might maximize my chances for that.

If you're slow traveling and want to meet someone why not try some singles trips

I would consider this but find these (1) run really expensive and (2) bad ratio - way too many women to men. 

dougules

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2021, 02:23:48 PM »
If you're slow traveling and want to meet someone why not try some singles trips

I would consider this but find these (1) run really expensive and (2) bad ratio - way too many women to men.

Have you considered staying in hostels from time to time?  Not only does it save you money, but the communal living situation also makes it easy to meet other travelers. 

Also, it sounds like you're trying to force it too much.  Maybe just slow down and enjoy the ride until something happens spontaneously or you figure out where your tribe is hiding. 

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2021, 07:18:05 AM »
Not sure if this is right, but it seems like the appropriate response depends on what you fear missing out on.  Darrow of Can I Retire Yet recently posted (https://www.caniretireyet.com/catching-up-with-darrow-kirkpatrick/) a 10-year retired update, and one thing that caught my eye was his comment that he occasionally feels "wistful" when he sees the people around him tackling serious problems in the world, and knowing that, had he stayed employed, he'd have been "near the top of a large corporation that is influential in that space."  I would consider this a feeling of "missing out."  In those circumstances, where someone genuinely feels like they're missing out on the opportunity to have a major contribution in the world, then the response is very different than if, say, you fear missing out on all the cool events happening around you.

The better general advice is probably what you've gotten already: give it time.  That said, it might be helpful to write out what you fear missing out on with more particularity, so you can look it head-on rather than having the vague discomforting feelings niggling at the edges.


jim555

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2021, 08:55:33 AM »
"Missing out", what does that mean exactly?  I am missing out on the aggravation of work, TPS reports, corporate politics.

JoJo

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2021, 08:57:40 AM »
"Missing out", what does that mean exactly?  I am missing out on the aggravation of work, TPS reports, corporate politics.


no... definitely not missing out on work stuff.  Just deciding which direction to go... living life as a nomad. 

Retire-Canada

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #16 on: September 01, 2021, 09:33:39 AM »
I've only been retired for 2.5 months but one of the biggest things I'm struggling with is the Fear Of Missing Out.  I don't have a lot of structure in my life, either events or geographical locational, and I'm struggling to make decisions on which thing to do and way to go next.   Any advice?  Books you'd recommend?

If you are FIREd then you should have the least FOMO in your life since you have the time and [within reason] the money to do whatever you feel like you want to do. Usually people have FOMO because they are stuck at work with no money and 2 weeks holidays [that are already spoken for] while they watch cool stuff on the internet that they'll never be able to do.

In regards to your question about meeting someone the best way to meet people is to go and spend time where they are. Again for a working stiff that's easier said than done, but for someone who is FIREd it's pretty straight forward. Want to meet a ski fanatic head to a mountain town with a sweet resort. Want to meet an travel lover head to some popular travel destinations. Want to meet someone that loves astrophysics head to a university with a strong program and take some courses. Want to meet a surfer head to a beach and take some lessons and hang out at a sweet break.

If you are super introverted or something like that you can lean in on dating apps/websites, but you still need to be in the geographical area of your likely candidates.

2sk22

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #17 on: September 01, 2021, 09:48:57 AM »

no... definitely not missing out on work stuff.  Just deciding which direction to go... living life as a nomad.

I realize I misunderstood your reference to FOMO - your problem is that there are so many things you want to do that you can't decide between them. This is something I share with you. However, in my case, it's about what I want to study rather than travel as in your case.

My problem is that I have too many things that I'm really interested in. There are some days when I'm torn between half a dozen topics that I want to study. But if I get started on one, I get this nagging feeling that I perhaps ought to be doing something else. And then I get paralyzed and hang out here in this forum :-)

I don't yet have a good solution to this. Slowly, after a year of retirement, I'm getting to the point where I allow myself to enjoy what I am doing now rather than focusing on the dozen other things I could be doing.

dougules

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2021, 11:39:48 AM »

no... definitely not missing out on work stuff.  Just deciding which direction to go... living life as a nomad.

I realize I misunderstood your reference to FOMO - your problem is that there are so many things you want to do that you can't decide between them. This is something I share with you. However, in my case, it's about what I want to study rather than travel as in your case.

My problem is that I have too many things that I'm really interested in. There are some days when I'm torn between half a dozen topics that I want to study. But if I get started on one, I get this nagging feeling that I perhaps ought to be doing something else. And then I get paralyzed and hang out here in this forum :-)

I don't yet have a good solution to this. Slowly, after a year of retirement, I'm getting to the point where I allow myself to enjoy what I am doing now rather than focusing on the dozen other things I could be doing.

When you're working you have what you're going to do for the day planned out.  You get up, you go to work, and you do whatever tasks you need to do for work.  Yes, you're missing out on things, but it doesn't occupy so much thought space because you know you don't have those options immediately available.  I'm a couple months out from FIRE, but I'm already realizing that I'm going to wake up every day with all the options in the world.  It's a great problem to have, but the thought is a little overwhelming if I think about it too much. 

Metalcat

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #19 on: September 01, 2021, 12:02:15 PM »

no... definitely not missing out on work stuff.  Just deciding which direction to go... living life as a nomad.

I realize I misunderstood your reference to FOMO - your problem is that there are so many things you want to do that you can't decide between them. This is something I share with you. However, in my case, it's about what I want to study rather than travel as in your case.

My problem is that I have too many things that I'm really interested in. There are some days when I'm torn between half a dozen topics that I want to study. But if I get started on one, I get this nagging feeling that I perhaps ought to be doing something else. And then I get paralyzed and hang out here in this forum :-)

I don't yet have a good solution to this. Slowly, after a year of retirement, I'm getting to the point where I allow myself to enjoy what I am doing now rather than focusing on the dozen other things I could be doing.

When you're working you have what you're going to do for the day planned out.  You get up, you go to work, and you do whatever tasks you need to do for work.  Yes, you're missing out on things, but it doesn't occupy so much thought space because you know you don't have those options immediately available.  I'm a couple months out from FIRE, but I'm already realizing that I'm going to wake up every day with all the options in the world.  It's a great problem to have, but the thought is a little overwhelming if I think about it too much.

It's an adjustment, yes, but once you get used to it, it's a very calming reality, not a stressful one.

boarder42

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #20 on: September 01, 2021, 12:11:50 PM »

no... definitely not missing out on work stuff.  Just deciding which direction to go... living life as a nomad.

I realize I misunderstood your reference to FOMO - your problem is that there are so many things you want to do that you can't decide between them. This is something I share with you. However, in my case, it's about what I want to study rather than travel as in your case.

My problem is that I have too many things that I'm really interested in. There are some days when I'm torn between half a dozen topics that I want to study. But if I get started on one, I get this nagging feeling that I perhaps ought to be doing something else. And then I get paralyzed and hang out here in this forum :-)

I don't yet have a good solution to this. Slowly, after a year of retirement, I'm getting to the point where I allow myself to enjoy what I am doing now rather than focusing on the dozen other things I could be doing.

When you're working you have what you're going to do for the day planned out.  You get up, you go to work, and you do whatever tasks you need to do for work.  Yes, you're missing out on things, but it doesn't occupy so much thought space because you know you don't have those options immediately available.  I'm a couple months out from FIRE, but I'm already realizing that I'm going to wake up every day with all the options in the world.  It's a great problem to have, but the thought is a little overwhelming if I think about it too much.

It's an adjustment, yes, but once you get used to it, it's a very calming reality, not a stressful one.

I'd agree more stress thinking about returning to work for 4 months for me I've decompressed quite nicely the last 12 weeks.  Just going to do the basics and stay in the shadows while I work from home more often than allowed.

But it's nice to take the kids to their daycare and preschool then do some physical activity with my wife - biking, paddle boarding, walking, surfing then we either go to the store if needed or do our own thing til lunch then maybe take a nap or help my dad or play cards with my parents. Then pickup the kids play for awhile and eat dinner then bed and repeat. Honestly no idea how we worked before   think the next few months may be more stressful than not.

Metalcat

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #21 on: September 01, 2021, 12:23:38 PM »

no... definitely not missing out on work stuff.  Just deciding which direction to go... living life as a nomad.

I realize I misunderstood your reference to FOMO - your problem is that there are so many things you want to do that you can't decide between them. This is something I share with you. However, in my case, it's about what I want to study rather than travel as in your case.

My problem is that I have too many things that I'm really interested in. There are some days when I'm torn between half a dozen topics that I want to study. But if I get started on one, I get this nagging feeling that I perhaps ought to be doing something else. And then I get paralyzed and hang out here in this forum :-)

I don't yet have a good solution to this. Slowly, after a year of retirement, I'm getting to the point where I allow myself to enjoy what I am doing now rather than focusing on the dozen other things I could be doing.

When you're working you have what you're going to do for the day planned out.  You get up, you go to work, and you do whatever tasks you need to do for work.  Yes, you're missing out on things, but it doesn't occupy so much thought space because you know you don't have those options immediately available.  I'm a couple months out from FIRE, but I'm already realizing that I'm going to wake up every day with all the options in the world.  It's a great problem to have, but the thought is a little overwhelming if I think about it too much.

It's an adjustment, yes, but once you get used to it, it's a very calming reality, not a stressful one.

I'd agree more stress thinking about returning to work for 4 months for me I've decompressed quite nicely the last 12 weeks.  Just going to do the basics and stay in the shadows while I work from home more often than allowed.

But it's nice to take the kids to their daycare and preschool then do some physical activity with my wife - biking, paddle boarding, walking, surfing then we either go to the store if needed or do our own thing til lunch then maybe take a nap or help my dad or play cards with my parents. Then pickup the kids play for awhile and eat dinner then bed and repeat. Honestly no idea how we worked before   think the next few months may be more stressful than not.

It's also important to remember that no matter what you are doing, if you do it long enough, it will feel normal.

So not working and not having structure feels insane and intimidating for awhile compared to working, but once your brain gets used to it, it's just normal, and thinking back to how life was when you were working then seems unfathomable.

People are always asking me what I do with all my free time and I say "you know that long list of things you wish you had time and energy for, but they never get done? I do that"

Often in the middle of doing one thing I'll think "I don't feel like doing this right now" and I'll suddenly do something else because the whim has hit me, and why not?

DaMa

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #22 on: September 01, 2021, 04:01:34 PM »
You shouldn't do anything but futz around for the first 6 months.  You need to be passively introspective while your subconscious gets a hold of what your new identity is.

Interesting. Our plan when we FIRE is to slow travel, and from the lack of geographical structure it sounds like JoJo is also traveling full time. Would you say it's not possible to achieve passive introspection and get ahold of your new identity if you have constant stimulation from new/changing environments?

Yes, I'm trying to do the slow travel thing... having a hard time deciding which way to go... For example, in September have an invite to Greece cruise, or meet a friend for van camping in U.P.,  also want to head south towards New Mexico and like a guy in Colorado and could maybe invite myself there for a short visit.  I figure I'm young enough to get to every place, so I'm thinking more about experiences with people.   Really would like to meet someone, so also thinking about what might maximize my chances for that.

Can you do it all?  Go on the cruise, then meet the friend in the U.P., then to Colorado, and on to New Mexico (southbound to enjoy the warm weather as long as possible).  I'd probably try to plan a week or so between to recharge.

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #23 on: September 01, 2021, 04:13:58 PM »
I've been out of the corporate world for two years. I log into LinkedIn occasionally and see former colleagues getting promoted into impressive leadership positions within their field. I feel happy for them, and very little regret that it's not me climbing the ladder anymore.

I enjoy the freedom that comes from early retirement. Some days I don't do much useful aside from grocery shopping and cooking dinner. The slower pace of life generally agrees with me. This week I'm spending two weekdays officiating at a curling tournament, and it's nice to not worry about whether this is an opportune time to leave work for two days, or whether I have enough vacation time to do this and also visit family for the holidays.

At the same time I do often get the nagging feeling that I have the capacity, and maybe the obligation, to make more of a positive difference in the world beyond my own family. I'm still trying to discern what that will look like. FIRE definitely gives me the freedom not to rush into anything.

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #24 on: September 01, 2021, 04:36:09 PM »
I've been out of the corporate world for two years. I log into LinkedIn occasionally and see former colleagues getting promoted into impressive leadership positions within their field. I feel happy for them, and very little regret that it's not me climbing the ladder anymore.

I enjoy the freedom that comes from early retirement. Some days I don't do much useful aside from grocery shopping and cooking dinner. The slower pace of life generally agrees with me. This week I'm spending two weekdays officiating at a curling tournament, and it's nice to not worry about whether this is an opportune time to leave work for two days, or whether I have enough vacation time to do this and also visit family for the holidays.

At the same time I do often get the nagging feeling that I have the capacity, and maybe the obligation, to make more of a positive difference in the world beyond my own family. I'm still trying to discern what that will look like. FIRE definitely gives me the freedom not to rush into anything.

I've contemplated the last paragraph all year. How do I bring the most value to society. And how can I make it better. I love teaching and sharing this great knowledge of personal finance. But the waters are murky with regulation as to how I can do it and be legal without spending gobs of time I don't want to getting licensed.

reeshau

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #25 on: September 01, 2021, 05:41:03 PM »
I've been out of the corporate world for two years. I log into LinkedIn occasionally and see former colleagues getting promoted into impressive leadership positions within their field. I feel happy for them, and very little regret that it's not me climbing the ladder anymore.

I enjoy the freedom that comes from early retirement. Some days I don't do much useful aside from grocery shopping and cooking dinner. The slower pace of life generally agrees with me. This week I'm spending two weekdays officiating at a curling tournament, and it's nice to not worry about whether this is an opportune time to leave work for two days, or whether I have enough vacation time to do this and also visit family for the holidays.

At the same time I do often get the nagging feeling that I have the capacity, and maybe the obligation, to make more of a positive difference in the world beyond my own family. I'm still trying to discern what that will look like. FIRE definitely gives me the freedom not to rush into anything.

I've contemplated the last paragraph all year. How do I bring the most value to society. And how can I make it better. I love teaching and sharing this great knowledge of personal finance. But the waters are murky with regulation as to how I can do it and be legal without spending gobs of time I don't want to getting licensed.

I have been very interested in the past in getting a CFP.  But several I have talked to say that gets in the way of education, as you are obligated to disclaim in a formal way that you aren't giving advice.

In contrast, not having any accreditation makes you sort of an everyman.  You should still disclaim that you are not giving advice, but you are otherwise free to say what you like, because it is just your opinion.  (Backed up with whatever references you care to mention)

So, I have also thought about just taking the courses, but not bothering with the CFP exam.  Then I have a complete set of knowledge, but not the limitations.

This is the same reason Joe Saul-Sehy let his CFP lapse--so that he could freely do his podcasts.  (Although there are CFP's that do podcasts)

dougules

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #26 on: September 01, 2021, 07:49:05 PM »

no... definitely not missing out on work stuff.  Just deciding which direction to go... living life as a nomad.

I realize I misunderstood your reference to FOMO - your problem is that there are so many things you want to do that you can't decide between them. This is something I share with you. However, in my case, it's about what I want to study rather than travel as in your case.

My problem is that I have too many things that I'm really interested in. There are some days when I'm torn between half a dozen topics that I want to study. But if I get started on one, I get this nagging feeling that I perhaps ought to be doing something else. And then I get paralyzed and hang out here in this forum :-)

I don't yet have a good solution to this. Slowly, after a year of retirement, I'm getting to the point where I allow myself to enjoy what I am doing now rather than focusing on the dozen other things I could be doing.

When you're working you have what you're going to do for the day planned out.  You get up, you go to work, and you do whatever tasks you need to do for work.  Yes, you're missing out on things, but it doesn't occupy so much thought space because you know you don't have those options immediately available.  I'm a couple months out from FIRE, but I'm already realizing that I'm going to wake up every day with all the options in the world.  It's a great problem to have, but the thought is a little overwhelming if I think about it too much.

It's an adjustment, yes, but once you get used to it, it's a very calming reality, not a stressful one.

I'd agree more stress thinking about returning to work for 4 months for me I've decompressed quite nicely the last 12 weeks.  Just going to do the basics and stay in the shadows while I work from home more often than allowed.

But it's nice to take the kids to their daycare and preschool then do some physical activity with my wife - biking, paddle boarding, walking, surfing then we either go to the store if needed or do our own thing til lunch then maybe take a nap or help my dad or play cards with my parents. Then pickup the kids play for awhile and eat dinner then bed and repeat. Honestly no idea how we worked before   think the next few months may be more stressful than not.

It's also important to remember that no matter what you are doing, if you do it long enough, it will feel normal.

So not working and not having structure feels insane and intimidating for awhile compared to working, but once your brain gets used to it, it's just normal, and thinking back to how life was when you were working then seems unfathomable.

People are always asking me what I do with all my free time and I say "you know that long list of things you wish you had time and energy for, but they never get done? I do that"

Often in the middle of doing one thing I'll think "I don't feel like doing this right now" and I'll suddenly do something else because the whim has hit me, and why not?

I'm kind of looking forward to the idea that once something becomes normal and mundane I can drop it and move on. 

lhamo

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #27 on: September 01, 2021, 08:10:45 PM »
Do you have some sort of fear of making the "wrong" choice?

Maybe experiment with an external randomization tool. Put each option on a slip of paper, and draw them out of a hat.  Or consult a magic 8 ball.  Or find a way to "sit" with an idea/plan/option for awhile and see how it feels --I still use that "stand in a circle"* exercise @fidgiegirl told us about long ago as a way of figuring what I REALLY want about certain choices.  It once told me to run far away from a consulting contract and boy was that ever the right choice!

*imagine a circle drawn on the floor.

step into the circle as a representation of a choice you are making to take a certain action

how do you feel having taken this action?  where are you feeling things?  are you sensing pain or tension or any kind of discomfort?  If so where?  Or are you feeling peace and joy.

Rdy2Fire

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #28 on: September 02, 2021, 07:02:39 AM »
Well I'd say I am relatively new to FIRE but at this point it's been a while. I am not sure what you think you're missing out on actually. You have money, you have time and you seem to have some interests. In theory you have the opportunity to do it all and miss out on nothing. Pick a direction and go with it, if you don't like the direction then change it.

Like yourself I am single so I do get there can be some challenges around that but there are also opportunities to meet new people not have to do things your SO wants to do etc. I mean it would be nice to meet someone to share it with but until I do or you do, just get out there and live the best life you can for yourself.

With all that said I agree with those saying decompress give it a little time and then just move forward in SOME direction

Dicey

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #29 on: September 02, 2021, 07:17:23 AM »
"Missing out", what does that mean exactly?  I am missing out on the aggravation of work, TPS reports, corporate politics.
You left out commuting, dressing in work clothes, and probably a bunch of other things that I've completely blocked out. One example: I just recently realized that my wardrobe now consists entirely of soft clothing. If it's crisp, hard or scratchy or structured, it's gone. I can't remember the last time I ironed anything other than a sewing project.

Metalcat

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #30 on: September 02, 2021, 07:45:55 AM »
I've been out of the corporate world for two years. I log into LinkedIn occasionally and see former colleagues getting promoted into impressive leadership positions within their field. I feel happy for them, and very little regret that it's not me climbing the ladder anymore.

I enjoy the freedom that comes from early retirement. Some days I don't do much useful aside from grocery shopping and cooking dinner. The slower pace of life generally agrees with me. This week I'm spending two weekdays officiating at a curling tournament, and it's nice to not worry about whether this is an opportune time to leave work for two days, or whether I have enough vacation time to do this and also visit family for the holidays.

At the same time I do often get the nagging feeling that I have the capacity, and maybe the obligation, to make more of a positive difference in the world beyond my own family. I'm still trying to discern what that will look like. FIRE definitely gives me the freedom not to rush into anything.

I've contemplated the last paragraph all year. How do I bring the most value to society. And how can I make it better. I love teaching and sharing this great knowledge of personal finance. But the waters are murky with regulation as to how I can do it and be legal without spending gobs of time I don't want to getting licensed.

But if you don't need to monetize it, you don't need to worry about any legalities.

It's the same way I've had a publisher after me for years to compile a bunch of my work into an actual book. But the thing is, as much as I like writing, I have no interest in publishing. Then a national organization wanted me to do a blog and podcast, and we produced the entire thing, but someone online decided to be really unnecessarily invasive and creepy, and I decided I didn't need that level of fame, especially since I'm not looking to brand and monetize.

I also spent years as a professional advice giver, and let's just say that there's a reason I'm delighted to give free advice these days instead of earning hundreds of dollars an hour for it. Just like writing is fun, but publishing is miserable, giving advice is fun, but making a business of it is a fucking slog.

Also, the "slower pace" doesn't always persist. I had a slower pace for the first year, but that was decompression. Now my days are pretty packed to the rafters with activities and projects. I'm frequently as busy as my full time employed DH.

If being busy is what suits you, that's what you will be. If there's potential work that would really suit you, you will end up doing it.

So many Mustachian type folks really push back against the necessary decompression. As though, if they give in to the process, they worry they'll never be able to pull themselves out of it. But that's pure nonsense.

When I first retired, I slammed myself with projects, then one went horribly, horribly sideways and I finally just stopped everything and sat the fuck down to decompress. I think I spent about 3 straight weeks watching television and letting my brain melt a bit. It took another month before I was even motivated to do a half day of light activity. The thing is, I never assumed that it was permanent, it was just what I needed to wind down.

The thing for me is that this wasn't my first experience with decompression. I had it after my doctorate as well. I took a few months off between graduation and starting work because I was so fried. I moved back in with my mom and took care of puppies for a few months (dog breeder). I basically bathed puppies and read books on a swing and did nothing else until my brain came back online and then all of a sudden I was recharged and ready to attack the work world.

No one here needs to worry that if they ease up on the gas that they'll never get it back.

Someone could spend a few years after retiring taking it easy at a slow pace and then suddenly turn around and write an amazing book, or start a non profit initiative, or start a business. It happens all the time. Almost all of my family members have started major projects years into their retirement.

My mid 60s aunt was getting bored in retirement, took a free class at the local university, ended up learning an Inuit language, and then got a grant to live and study the language and culture in the arctic for a few months, made friends there with local Inuit artists and got another grant to publish an amazing collaborative children's book about Inuit culture that was written up in the New York Times. All because she was a little bored.

No one loses anything by taking a break from the rat race. You can put it all down and pick it up later if that suits you.
Slowing down is only permanent if that's what truly suits you best.

No one here needs to worry about not doing enough in retirement, or not doing the right things, or not missing out on anything.
This is a 100% non issue for the kind of people who seek out this community. We are people who make life what we want it to be.

Retirement opens doors for us, it doesn't close them.

Aethonan

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Re: How to handle FOMO in retirement
« Reply #31 on: September 02, 2021, 09:28:05 AM »

My mid 60s aunt was getting bored in retirement, took a free class at the local university, ended up learning an Inuit language, and then got a grant to live and study the language and culture in the arctic for a few months, made friends there with local Inuit artists and got another grant to publish an amazing collaborative children's book about Inuit culture that was written up in the New York Times. All because she was a little bored.

No one loses anything by taking a break from the rat race. You can put it all down and pick it up later if that suits you.
Slowing down is only permanent if that's what truly suits you best.

No one here needs to worry about not doing enough in retirement, or not doing the right things, or not missing out on anything.
This is a 100% non issue for the kind of people who seek out this community. We are people who make life what we want it to be.

Retirement opens doors for us, it doesn't close them.


First, awesome story; awesome aunt.  Just wow. :)

Second, thank you for this.  Your free advice is always very much appreciated!

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!