Getting Willpower Back After FIRE?

[a plan comes together]

I am in a job I do not like. It's very fast paced, high stress, and takes all the energy/willpower I can summon just to get through the day. Over the last few years, my willpower to do much of anything outside of my job has been next to zero. I don't get as many home projects as done. I don't get together with family/friends as often. I don't want to take vacations for fear of how much work will pile up while I'm gone.

My thought (hope, really), is that I can limp across the finish line and have a renewed willpower in all areas of life when I FIRE. However, I also fear that maybe I won't get it back. That maybe my job has cut me so deep that I will be forever scarred by it.

From those who have FIRE'd who were in a similar situation, how has this played out for you? Were you able to get it back? Was it easy? How quickly?

Or, for those who have not yet FIRE'd, were you able to get it back while staying in the same job situation? How?

[Financial.Velociraptor]

Since FIRE I've found some willpower to get my weight under control.  I'm down almost 38 and still dropping.  Something I couldn't seem to get a handle on while working...

[Cannot Wait!]

Having all the time in the world to get things done certainly helps!

[redbird]

I was in a very stressful job before FIRE. I spent probably the first 6 months decompressing, not even trying to accomplish any post-FIRE goals other than my cleaner house goal. I read a lot of books, watched a lot of TV shows streaming online, and played video games.

But since then I have felt a lot better and have the energy to do things. I have gotten huge into healthy cooking + cooking from scratch. I am exercising daily and am slowly losing weight. Husband and I are working on a plan to buy a house (we are currently renting) and get it paid off so we have better monthly cash flow. I'm getting excited about and doing research/learning about things I could do in a house that I can't do in my current apartment, like having a vegetable garden.

Some people seem to have these grand FIRE plans about going traveling around the country, to immediately start exercising, etc. It's OK if you don't do that. It's OK if you allow yourself time to get yourself mentally healthy again. Once you are mentally healthy, then the energy to do the things you want to do will come. You will also start getting bored over time, which is a great motivator to start those goals too. :)

[a plan comes together]

I was in a very stressful job before FIRE. I spent probably the first 6 months decompressing, not even trying to accomplish any post-FIRE goals other than my cleaner house goal. I read a lot of books, watched a lot of TV shows streaming online, and played video games.

But since then I have felt a lot better and have the energy to do things. I have gotten huge into healthy cooking + cooking from scratch. I am exercising daily and am slowly losing weight. Husband and I are working on a plan to buy a house (we are currently renting) and get it paid off so we have better monthly cash flow. I'm getting excited about and doing research/learning about things I could do in a house that I can't do in my current apartment, like having a vegetable garden.

Some people seem to have these grand FIRE plans about going traveling around the country, to immediately start exercising, etc. It's OK if you don't do that. It's OK if you allow yourself time to get yourself mentally healthy again. Once you are mentally healthy, then the energy to do the things you want to do will come. You will also start getting bored over time, which is a great motivator to start those goals too. :)

I keep hearing 6 months to decompress. It's almost as if there is a biological FIRE clock.

[Slee_stack]

I don't have a very stressful job.  It does get annoying and tedious at times though.

I have my line in the sand about what I will and won't do.  OT is a won't.

If work piles up, it piles up.  They can fire me if they like.

I feel my work quality is above average.  I could certainly put the nose to the grindstone and turn out an even higher volume of work, but why?

At this stage, I'm OK being a top performer in a dead end.  I will provide a reasonable amount of quality work and no more.  Extra stress for absolutely zero extra return is ridiculous.  I was a fool long enough with that kind of mentality.  If you are at or near FI, set yourself free.

[Rezdent]

I had planned to fire in 2017, but pulled the plug early exactly because the job had consumed my life.  My health was poor.  All my free time was spent trying to recover, and it just kept getting worse.

I've been out now for five weeks.  The first three weeks - no desire to do anything at all, lots of nightmares about work.

It is getting better now, haven't had a nightmare in almost two weeks.  Getting better sleep.  My health has improved.  Doing small projects now with enthusiasm and enjoying planning for the bigger ones.

I knew I was stressed before I quit.  What I couldn't recognize was HOW stressed I really was.  I didn't see that until a week or two later, but it was much worse than I thought.  If I could have recognized it, I would have changed jobs sooner even if it meant a later FIRE.

I've heard six months is about the average for a total decompression.  If I feel this much better after a month, well I am totally looking forward to the next year.

[Frankies Girl]

I had a pretty awful job situation and consider myself pretty traumatized by working there for over a decade - PTSD or close to it. Bullying, favoritism, horrible deadlines and workloads, and truly awful management that seemed to take pleasure in being sadistic and intentionally dismissive of any contributions/talent - all took its toll on me.  It took me around a year to really feel better and stop having nightmares about work once I got out of there.

I still haven't been able to go visit tho - I had planned to go drop by and say hi to some coworkers when I was in the area for an errand, but I started having traumatic work nightmares again so I scrapped the idea.

I changed my diet and started exercising and also did many other things to destress after FIREing. Mostly, it took me several months to stop making lists and feeling like I had to be doing a dozen different things to be productive.

And then I spent several months doing nothing productive if I could help it. ;)

Now, I'm in the best shape I've ever been in as an adult, get things done but on my own schedule and I feel like a completely different person. The only thing I'm sad about is that I still haven't gotten my ability to create artwork back (I was a graphic designer, and had nothing left to "art" for myself after a few years). I still have hopes I'll recover that eventually, but I'm going to be super pissed at myself if I worked at that place to the point of permanently breaking something that was a vital part of me.

[a plan comes together]

I had a pretty awful job situation and consider myself pretty traumatized by working there for over a decade - PTSD or close to it. Bullying, favoritism, horrible deadlines and workloads, and truly awful management that seemed to take pleasure in being sadistic and intentionally dismissive of any contributions/talent - all took its toll on me.  It took me around a year to really feel better and stop having nightmares about work once I got out of there.

I still haven't been able to go visit tho - I had planned to go drop by and say hi to some coworkers when I was in the area for an errand, but I started having traumatic work nightmares again so I scrapped the idea.

I changed my diet and started exercising and also did many other things to destress after FIREing. Mostly, it took me several months to stop making lists and feeling like I had to be doing a dozen different things to be productive.

And then I spent several months doing nothing productive if I could help it. ;)

Now, I'm in the best shape I've ever been in as an adult, get things done but on my own schedule and I feel like a completely different person. The only thing I'm sad about is that I still haven't gotten my ability to create artwork back (I was a graphic designer, and had nothing left to "art" for myself after a few years). I still have hopes I'll recover that eventually, but I'm going to be super pissed at myself if I worked at that place to the point of permanently breaking something that was a vital part of me.

Wow, sounds familiar. Were you in 'tech'?

[Bolshevik Artizan]

I am in a job I do not like. It's very fast paced, high stress, and takes all the energy/willpower I can summon just to get through the day. Over the last few years, my willpower to do much of anything outside of my job has been next to zero.

My thought (hope, really), is that I can limp across the finish line and have a renewed willpower in all areas of life when I FIRE. However, I also fear that maybe I won't get it back. That maybe my job has cut me so deep that I will be forever scarred by it.

From those who have FIRE'd who were in a similar situation, how has this played out for you? Were you able to get it back? Was it easy? How quickly?

Or, for those who have not yet FIRE'd, were you able to get it back while staying in the same job situation? How?

This is an excellent question. I FIREd nine months ago from a job I disliked because of the out-of-this-world, surreal, Dali-esque corporate politics. No sooner had I FIREd than we moved 5000 miles to a new province, bought a house, my son's daycare fell through and my wife's father died. All of these things have been just as stressful and as unpleasant in their way (renos, administrative hassles all over the place, etc) as the day job, yet -- of course -- somehow easier to cope with because they are REAL.

I had 1000000 plans for FIRE and they've all had to be put on hold. As the dust settles for a little bit (God willing!) I now find myself with no more willpower than I had while in your situation, just as tired, etc. I will say two things: one, as a poster notes elsewhere on this thread, you need at least six months to get over the corporate world (I would say more like nine, but there you are) and two, I *can* feel the dust settling and my energy returning, albeit slowly.

What you are going through, if it's like my experience, is soul-crushing, spirit-draining and needs to be departed from as quickly as possible. But, as MMM and many others on here will tell you, FIRE is no free ride and you will probably  find yourself just as busy, especially as you settle in to the new lifestyle, as you were before. The biggest difference is that what you will be doing will have meaning - unlike being bullied and overworked in some god-damned strip-lit office somewhere.

Good luck!

BA

[MsRichLife]

I hope so.

Like you, I'm limping across the line to FIRE. I can barely manage to work three days at work and I've handed over 90% of my responsibilities. I spend the five days I'm not at work at various medical appointments and then in full recovery mode in preparation for my next work day. It's bad.

I'm FIREing on 31 Oct 16 and based on what I've learnt here, I'm allowing myself a full 12 months to recover my mental and physical health before I try to tackle anything major. I know I'm exhausted and I know I'm a glutton for punishment who takes on too much, so I'm mentally preparing now to saying no to pretty much everything for that first year.

I hope during that time that boredom creeps in and lights a fire under me, or that I find a new part of myself that is OK with not achieving all the time.

[Lagom]

Goodness. No offense, friends, but this is a pretty depressing thread. One of my own ongoing struggles has been grappling with a feeling that I have massively underachieved in my professional career,  but despite all of that, I have never felt like I am limping through a firestorm of stress towards something I hope will finally let me really live.

I have always disliked "working." My current job is probably the least unpleasant I've ever had in that regard, which has greatly increased my overall happiness. But there is so much more to life than the hamster wheel. If your working years are damaging you that badly, doing whatever it takes to escape, including delaying FIRE, is 100% worth it, imo.

[Slee_stack]

Goodness. No offense, friends, but this is a pretty depressing thread. One of my own ongoing struggles has been grappling with a feeling that I have massively underachieved in my professional career,  but despite all of that, I have never felt like I am limping through a firestorm of stress towards something I hope will finally let me really live.

I have always disliked "working." My current job is probably the least unpleasant I've ever had in that regard, which has greatly increased my overall happiness. But there is so much more to life than the hamster wheel. If your working years are damaging you that badly, doing whatever it takes to escape, including delaying FIRE, is 100% worth it, imo.

I haven't had nearly as bad an experience as some of the folk above, but just as poor spending cues are ingrained in the typical consumer, there is also the intense indoctrination that goes with the typical white collar career.  The general understanding is that you are a slave and you must do absolutely everything that is asked of you. 'No' is not an acceptable response.

I've experienced most of the BS described above but largely avoid it now.  I  don't absorb the BS anymore and just give it right back to anybody who tries to load it on me, including my boss.  I've been upfront about my situation...I don't need the job.   

I have zero sense of loyalty and feel zero guilt that I take every moment possible during 'normal' work hours for myself.  I've foolishly worked for free far too often as an ignorant doormat for decades.  I am now in the catbird's seat and look forward to, rather than fear, being asked to collect my things and leave.

I now work significantly on my own terms and its not hard to see how the majority of stress disappears in that situation.

I still hate that I have to come into the office almost every day.  Its something I still need to fix.  The commute is an incredible drag and stressful in its own right.

[Rezdent]

I hope so.

Like you, I'm limping across the line to FIRE. I can barely manage to work three days at work and I've handed over 90% of my responsibilities. I spend the five days I'm not at work at various medical appointments and then in full recovery mode in preparation for my next work day. It's bad.

I'm FIREing on 31 Oct 16 and based on what I've learnt here, I'm allowing myself a full 12 months to recover my mental and physical health before I try to tackle anything major. I know I'm exhausted and I know I'm a glutton for punishment who takes on too much, so I'm mentally preparing now to saying no to pretty much everything for that first year.

I hope during that time that boredom creeps in and lights a fire under me, or that I find a new part of myself that is OK with not achieving all the time.

MsRichLife
(Sending internet hug)
This sounds like my last two years of work.  Work aggravating health problems, to the point that work was all I could do because of health problems.  It's a vicious circle.

I'm not completely well yet, but I am recovering.  Several issues have completely disappeared, and others have improved. It's like a miracle to me, I'm really surprised at how fast I am getting well.

I dont know exactly what heath troubles you are having or if they were similar to mine (feel free to PM me if you want to compare symptoms) but I hope that you have the same happy results.  November is really not that far away.

[Ozstache]

Despite a similarly soul-draining experience in the lead up to FIRE, my willpower returned almost instantaneously once I did quite simply because I could suddenly do exactly what I wanted to do rather than someone/something else dictating many of my priorities and activities.

[Eric]

One of my own ongoing struggles has been grappling with a feeling that I have massively underachieved in my professional career

It's probably because of the tattoo.  ;)

[Lagom]

One of my own ongoing struggles has been grappling with a feeling that I have massively underachieved in my professional career

It's probably because of the tattoo.  ;)

Ha! All of my past employers must have known that I was going to get one someday. Then again, in the month since I got it, I got a huge raise and increased responsibilities in the part of my job I enjoy the most. Coincidence? I think not!

[financialfreedomsloth]

I am in a job I do not like. It's very fast paced, high stress, and takes all the energy/willpower I can summon just to get through the day. Over the last few years, my willpower to do much of anything outside of my job has been next to zero. I don't get as many home projects as done. I don't get together with family/friends as often. I don't want to take vacations for fear of how much work will pile up while I'm gone.

My thought (hope, really), is that I can limp across the finish line and have a renewed willpower in all areas of life when I FIRE. However, I also fear that maybe I won't get it back. That maybe my job has cut me so deep that I will be forever scarred by it.

From those who have FIRE'd who were in a similar situation, how has this played out for you? Were you able to get it back? Was it easy? How quickly?

Or, for those who have not yet FIRE'd, were you able to get it back while staying in the same job situation? How?

Hello, I have been more or less in the same situation. Reorganization that shoveled a lot of work on our team that got smaller and smaller. Two years of hell, loss of energy and willpower. The reorganization ran its course and the team was finally disbanded. I did find other work at the same company and even in a less stressful job (I wanted less stress, I knew I couldn’t continue like I had) but it just didn’t work out. Best I can tell is that those two years pushed me into a burn out and as long as there was the immense pressure of the high stress job I just powered through but once that pressure disappeared I just couldn’t anymore. Was 6 months at the low stress job but it got worse and worse. Luckily, because of the reorganization the company offered a very nice severance package (13 months of pay). So I took that. First couple of weeks at home I finished all the work that had piled up the last years and which I couldn’t bother to do and then I crashed. Slept for about two months.

All in all it was about 6 months before energy and willpower started to come back. Found a new low stress job 8.5 months after leaving the previous company and now it works. I can handle it again, I am feeling the energy come back more and more each day.

So: yes your will power will come back but it might take a few months (depending on how deep and how long you went into the ‘red’). Was it easy: no, but more for the partner than me. The last two years I was shutting down more and more (due to lack of energy, work demanding all of it) so when I was home my partner thought/hoped I would again do more of the tasks she had taken upon here in the last two years. But that didn’t happen for the first couple of months. Manage your partners (and your own) expectations here: it is going to take some time. You are going to have to work selfishly at your recovery. Being FIRE is NOT going to resolve this situation like magic. It will – most likely- take time. But you will get it back and being FIRE will give you the time.
Staying at your current job and getting it back: I didn’t do it but what has helped me is sports. Getting the body moving: you feel physically better because of it and it does clear the mind. I know you are thinking: man, I do not have the time/energy to do sports! I was the same, but trust me, it helps. Just fix a time and go for a run/bicycle ride .. whatever you used to enjoy in the sports area. I would not spend the money on a gym membership or anything like that. The first few months are going to be slow going. More about feeling better, clearing the mind. So do not go for anything competitive, do not give your self objectives or goals or even a strict schedule. In the beginning it is going to be about doing something physical, about clearing the mind, getting off the couch and trying to minimize the effects of the job on your body and mind.

I hope it helps, and I hope you do not have that long to go until FIRE (I still have 5 years to go so it is a good thing the high stress job came to an end, I would not have made it that long. I also was very lucky with the severance package! I hope you have some luck of your own!!)

[a plan comes together]

Goodness. No offense, friends, but this is a pretty depressing thread. One of my own ongoing struggles has been grappling with a feeling that I have massively underachieved in my professional career,  but despite all of that, I have never felt like I am limping through a firestorm of stress towards something I hope will finally let me really live.

I have always disliked "working." My current job is probably the least unpleasant I've ever had in that regard, which has greatly increased my overall happiness. But there is so much more to life than the hamster wheel. If your working years are damaging you that badly, doing whatever it takes to escape, including delaying FIRE, is 100% worth it, imo.

It is depressing that so many are left in this situation at work. However, I find it uplifting that others have been in a similar situation and have almost uniformly found ways to claw back their health and willpower, in due time. And I am absolutely trying to get to FIRE ASAP.

As the OP, should have stated that I'm somewhere between 5 mos. to 22 mos. (absolute worst case) before FIRE. However, more and more lately, I can't see myself making it past the 5 mos. mark on that spectrum unless something significant changes in my work responsibilities. And secretly (although maybe I shouldn't be secretive about it), I'm crossing my fingers for something to happen that would result in a severance. At the 5 mos. mark, thinking I might start acting like Peter from Office Space (minus the embezzling).

[Lagom]

Goodness. No offense, friends, but this is a pretty depressing thread. One of my own ongoing struggles has been grappling with a feeling that I have massively underachieved in my professional career,  but despite all of that, I have never felt like I am limping through a firestorm of stress towards something I hope will finally let me really live.

I have always disliked "working." My current job is probably the least unpleasant I've ever had in that regard, which has greatly increased my overall happiness. But there is so much more to life than the hamster wheel. If your working years are damaging you that badly, doing whatever it takes to escape, including delaying FIRE, is 100% worth it, imo.

It is depressing that so many are left in this situation at work. However, I find it uplifting that others have been in a similar situation and have almost uniformly found ways to claw back their health and willpower, in due time. And I am absolutely trying to get to FIRE ASAP.

As the OP, should have stated that I'm somewhere between 5 mos. to 22 mos. (absolute worst case) before FIRE. However, more and more lately, I can't see myself making it past the 5 mos. mark on that spectrum unless something significant changes in my work responsibilities. And secretly (although maybe I shouldn't be secretive about it), I'm crossing my fingers for something to happen that would result in a severance. At the 5 mos. mark, thinking I might start acting like Peter from Office Space (minus the embezzling).

If you're that miserable and that close, just quit today. I'm sure you can find side hustles or part time work to make up that 5 month gap over the coming decades of your retirement. The level of misery you describe would not be something I would tolerate for a nanosecond longer than necessary, even if it meant knowing I would have to make up a bit of income during FIRE.

[FIREby35]

Goodness. No offense, friends, but this is a pretty depressing thread. One of my own ongoing struggles has been grappling with a feeling that I have massively underachieved in my professional career,  but despite all of that, I have never felt like I am limping through a firestorm of stress towards something I hope will finally let me really live.

I have always disliked "working." My current job is probably the least unpleasant I've ever had in that regard, which has greatly increased my overall happiness. But there is so much more to life than the hamster wheel. If your working years are damaging you that badly, doing whatever it takes to escape, including delaying FIRE, is 100% worth it, imo.

You could also start acting like Per Gibbons now and hope they fire you and you get a severance.

It is depressing that so many are left in this situation at work. However, I find it uplifting that others have been in a similar situation and have almost uniformly found ways to claw back their health and willpower, in due time. And I am absolutely trying to get to FIRE ASAP.

As the OP, should have stated that I'm somewhere between 5 mos. to 22 mos. (absolute worst case) before FIRE. However, more and more lately, I can't see myself making it past the 5 mos. mark on that spectrum unless something significant changes in my work responsibilities. And secretly (although maybe I shouldn't be secretive about it), I'm crossing my fingers for something to happen that would result in a severance. At the 5 mos. mark, thinking I might start acting like Peter from Office Space (minus the embezzling).

If you're that miserable and that close, just quit today. I'm sure you can find side hustles or part time work to make up that 5 month gap over the coming decades of your retirement. The level of misery you describe would not be something I would tolerate for a nanosecond longer than necessary, even if it meant knowing I would have to make up a bit of income during FIRE.

[financialfreedomsloth]

Goodness. No offense, friends, but this is a pretty depressing thread. One of my own ongoing struggles has been grappling with a feeling that I have massively underachieved in my professional career,  but despite all of that, I have never felt like I am limping through a firestorm of stress towards something I hope will finally let me really live.

I have always disliked "working." My current job is probably the least unpleasant I've ever had in that regard, which has greatly increased my overall happiness. But there is so much more to life than the hamster wheel. If your working years are damaging you that badly, doing whatever it takes to escape, including delaying FIRE, is 100% worth it, imo.

It is depressing that so many are left in this situation at work. However, I find it uplifting that others have been in a similar situation and have almost uniformly found ways to claw back their health and willpower, in due time. And I am absolutely trying to get to FIRE ASAP.

As the OP, should have stated that I'm somewhere between 5 mos. to 22 mos. (absolute worst case) before FIRE. However, more and more lately, I can't see myself making it past the 5 mos. mark on that spectrum unless something significant changes in my work responsibilities. And secretly (although maybe I shouldn't be secretive about it), I'm crossing my fingers for something to happen that would result in a severance. At the 5 mos. mark, thinking I might start acting like Peter from Office Space (minus the embezzling).

In about 2 months I would just ask if it was possible to be fired with some sort of severance package. At that moment you only need about 2 months of severance to get past the 5 month mark.

Inform yourself: have others in the past done that at your company and what did they get?

What if you would go on medical leave for burn out; what do you get then? How much would that cost the company?

The burn out would be my reason to go and negotiate some type of severance package. Do not tell them you have (or are very close) to achieving financial freedom. Just tell them you are buckling under the stress of the job and see if it is possible to get severance, another position for a few months, medical leave … something to bridge the gap. You have FU-money, inform yourself and use it! But I agree with other commenters, 22 more months of this isn’t worth it since you already have a big stash.

The finish line is in your sights! And whatever happens now it doesn’t really matter anymore.
-   Continue working full time at hell job and you cross it in 5 months to 22 months
-   Get severance paid out: great, you cross it without having to actually work those last months
-   Get kicked out and not getting any money at all (unlikely scenario): so what. Take the time to get your energy and willpower back and then look around
        for something you will actually enjoy doing (or at the very least find tolerable) and do that for a few years until the stash is at the level you want and cross
        the finish line then.

Given those posibilities and given the fact that even the worst possible scenario wouldn't actually be that bad: start informing yourself, take whatever you have left of holiday time and after that go and engineer your exit. You have done the heavy lifting, you have put in your dues. You have a big stash. It’s no longer worth it!

[Livingthedream2015]

I am in a job I do not like. It's very fast paced, high stress, and takes all the energy/willpower I can summon just to get through the day. Over the last few years, my willpower to do much of anything outside of my job has been next to zero. I don't get as many home projects as done. I don't get together with family/friends as often. I don't want to take vacations for fear of how much work will pile up while I'm gone.

My thought (hope, really), is that I can limp across the finish line and have a renewed willpower in all areas of life when I FIRE. However, I also fear that maybe I won't get it back. That maybe my job has cut me so deep that I will be forever scarred by it.

From those who have FIRE'd who were in a similar situation, how has this played out for you? Were you able to get it back? Was it easy? How quickly?

Or, for those who have not yet FIRE'd, were you able to get it back while staying in the same job situation? How?

I hear you buddy loud and clear. I can only speak from my personal experience, but also felt very similar, my high stress, long hours job, working with people I would not socialise with outside the office took its toll...but I kept at it for the dream of FI. It took me a year to probably sort myself out, but sort myself out I did. I now live in the Tropics and am doing things I love to do again; if I choose to change the location or activity I do..helps keep life fresh and interesting, no need to carry on with a task that becomes mundane because it's your job and you simply have too. That's the great thing about financial freedom; do what you want when you want...
Stick at it..

[slackmax]

Sounds like you have a typical awful job. If you had the willpower to trudge through that, I think you will have the willpower to do things you truly want to do, once you retire.  You have no energy left after the job, that's the main problem. No more job, no more draining of the energy/willpower.

My problem after retiring wasn't willpower, but guilt over not working/not being a productive citizen/now being a taker, not giver. All that nonsense.  :)   

 

[a plan comes together]

Lots of great responses. Thanks everyone.