I have been in a 6-yr relationship with a married man with his wife's full knowledge and consent from the beginning. If that squicks you out, sorry, but it's relevant. Today he asked me for a loan of $1500-2000 to cover their late mortgage payment. Why late? Because their power bill was over $2k.
Background: I FIRE'd Dec 16, 2016 and am now on fixed income, unless I decide otherwise. My expenses are perfectly in line with my income, I have my emergency stash replenished after replacing a water heater tank, and I am so f*cking happy to be free I cannot believe how fortunate I am every g*ddam day.
I *have* been considering a new fridge and discussed those plans with my partner so he may have thought I had that money just sitting around but my plan is as always: to carry a product in a cart until I save for it and/or it goes on super good sale and rack up points on the cc (& then paying it off).
I said no to him. And explained my new reality: fixed income, assets seriously tied up/unavailable, etc. But now I'm angry that he put me in this horribly awkward position where if I spend anything I'll wonder if he's thinking "why didn't she help us?" and I'm left wondering if he'd already gamed out how this would mess with our connection and had to ask any way because they are that desperate? Which feels really crummy.
If this had happened before I FIRE'd, it'd be no problem as OT was so a thing at my job.
Our agreement has always been that we have our lives pretty separate: we get together at his private man-cave space/converted shop (that I keep clean & do laundry for) a couple times a week for a few hours of good times and then we go back to our lives. We're good friends and geek out on so many of the same things. We take one weekend a year together and see the occasional movie (ST, SW, of course). His wife has always had veto power over any aspect of this and has come to realize that I truly have NO intention of "stealing" her husband. She is partially disabled and would absolutely love to be able to be with him like I can and I get why that was terribly hurtful for her in the beginning and salute her desire to see him be happy. Physical fragility & disability happens to *everyone* sooner or later. Plan for it.
I do not in any way want any more details of their finances: that is NOT my business and I don't want any part of it. Yeah, a little resentful, too. I have occasionally encouraged him to MMM and her to Mrs MMM's etsy post as she's crafty & sells at some of the local bazaars. But people are who they are and the boundaries I thought we had were working fine.
Anyway, I apparently needed to get this rant out but I am genuinely interested in how others have handled requests from intimates/partners after they'd FIRE'd and instant money wasn't such an easy thing any more.
Cheers