FIRE at 29, no idea what to do with my life

[Bracken_Joy]

On the women front, it really sounds like you're making some big assumptions without actually finding out if they're true. Has it occurred to you that there could be a female version of you who has a location independent job and enjoys a small traveling life? If you really don't want to compromise on ANYTHING to be able to interact with "normal" people, why not look for other "not normal" people? Don't shoot down a plan just because you think you know the outcome.

[Axecleaver]

Hi ddm,

You are having a quarter life crisis. I went through this, too. This should explain everything, from the feeling of "is this it?" to your struggles with career, women, and purpose: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

You got a lot of good advice here. One thing I'd recommend against is spending 10k on coding camp. You can learn to code without help, like thousands of kids did growing up in the 80's using Commodore 64's and Apple II's. It's not rocket science. It wasn't then, and it isn't today. If you want to learn, just start building apps. Solve a problem.

When you say that you have a million, is that all in highly leveraged real estate? I'd recommend looking into a risk management strategy to protect what you've built. The 29 year old brain is not good at this; I didn't learn to manage risk well until I was almost 40. You can learn this now, but it will feel very foreign to you at first. It will make logical sense to you before it feels right, and eventually you'll be an old guy like me and it will come naturally.

Good luck and please check in with us soon!

[citykid3785]

I appreciate you making yourself vulnerable so that we can give advice.  But I think you're trying to answer the "what," but you really need to answer the "why".

Disclaimer: I mean what I'm about to say next in all sincerity, because I genuinely think it will help, as I was once in your boat.  You're troubles seem to stem from your atheism (confusion on the purpose of life, needing guidance, and general feeling of "is this all there is," money goals being your primary focus).  I'm not foolish enough to think I'm going to change your worldview in one post a half a world a way, but perhaps I can put a "stone in your shoe."  You need to know that I'm not a Christian because my parents are, I was born in America, or my friends pressured me.  I became one because when I really really started independently searching for the answers to life's 4 key questions (Origin (how did I get here), Meaning (why am I here), Morality (how do I know right from wrong), and Destiny (where do I go when I die)), Christianity provided better answers for me than any other worldview.  But I didn't get there until I studied "Christian Apologetics."  You should google it, it might prove immensely helpful to you.

I apologize if I offended anyone with the above statements, I realize others may not agree with the above advice, but my goal with this post was to genuinely provide answers to someone who seems to be searching, speaking from personal experience.  All the best to the OP!

[SuperSecretName]

As a fellow atheist, go jump in a lake

[Cougar]

 hire me as your lifecoach so i can retire and i will tell you waht to do. ;)

 all kidding aside, you have time at your age to figure out what you would most enjoy in life; probably 99% of the world would love to have that position.

 i advise to take you time and try things. you might look into waht the daily life of the things you listed are and if it sounds enjoyable; find where you can start in them, even if its something like a nurse's assistant and if you enjoy it; pursue getting better at it thru education and traing. if after 6 months, you dont like it; try something else. there are people that do this their whole lives until they find what they liked most and then go bacjk to it.

[arebelspy]

I just retired from my career as an airline pilot at the age of 31.  I would caution against the never-ending treadmill of thinking you need more money...there is no finish line and it can make you miserable.  For a few years I was buying a new single family rental home per month; I got up to about 50 rental homes plus a 40 unit apartment building.  I thankfully recognized the path I was on, one where I would never feel fulfilled and would always be thinking about "more" (I was fortunate to have found MMM site).  I did a creative equity split with my former business partner and now I own "only" 16 rental homes that are now supporting myself, my wife, a two year old daughter, and another baby on the way (oops).  My happiness level has increased dramatically.  In my opinion we live like royalty despite only spending about $2,000/month.  We were inspired by the family of bumfuzzle.com fame and we bought a 1968 motor coach we're going to travel around in this winter.  Fall 2016/winter 2017 will be spent in France learning to speak French...or something else that we decide to do instead.  The point: do what feels right in the moment and don't think so much about it.  Easier said than done, I know.

Here are two things that have helped me deal with the primary issue you're having of "what the hell do I do now?!"
1. Be grateful.  The position you're in is amazing.  Cherish it.  As cheesy as it might sound, a gratefulness journal is helpful if you're feeling lost.  Write down every day what it is you're grateful for that day.  You'll soon stop feeling as often that you're not doing what you need to/should be doing and instead a peacefulness in that you're already living a pretty damn good life.  And because that's your attitude, you're going to keep living that awesome life.
2. Happiness is a very elusive word, nearly impossible to pin a legitimate definition to.  Instead, substitute the word "proud".  Not outwardly proud, like you want to show it off, but what you're inwardly proud of.  When considering starting in on a project, buying more real estate, dating a girl, training heavily in MMA, etc., ponder if the you of 5, 10, 20, years in the future would be proud of having spent a portion of your allotted time on earth doing said thing.

Cheers to the awesome life that you're already living!  Time is on your side, enjoy.

Love it. Nice to hear you found "enough." 

I'm also a big fan of BumFuzzle, and the wife and I are taking off to travel the world (more similar to GCC than BF) as well, about the same age as you, with about the same # of rentals.

Hopefully we'll cross paths one day.  :)

[JasonK]

Wow, a lot of the things you mention resonate with me.  I FIREd about 2 years ago primarily on the income of my commercial and residential real estate.  I moved out of Dallas (thought I was tired of the big city) to a small town about an hour away, as I could buy a nice cottage style home on a golf course for ~$100K.  Spent the first 9 months rehabbing the house - now I have a home base, close to family, beautiful surroundings, etc.  Plus the free golf is nice.

Then did some travel.  Read a ton of books.  Do Crossfit and cook healthy.  Found a nice girlfriend.

But saying that, now I'm asking myself...what next?

I had planned on traveling ~6 months of the year, and I may still do that, but traveling alone gets pretty...well....lonely.  And I'm lucky in that I've done a ton of international travel over the years, but that also means it's not as cool as it use to be.  At least to me.  I've thought of RVing around the US some, so that's an option, but I've hit most national parks that I want to see and been to most of the big cities, so I'm not sure I really need an RV for my US travel.   

I also considered learning Spanish, but wondering if that's a lot of work for nothing, especially if I don't end up spending at least some time on an annual basis in a Spanish speaking country to keep the skills sharp.

Now saying all of that, for whatever reason I LOVE real estate, and could see myself spending 6-9 months a year buying properties, rehabbing them, renting them out, growing the portfolio.  But I don't have the capital to do that without hard money loans, and I'm unwilling to go that route.  So I've thought about going back to work part time (or maybe full time for one year) to provide the capital needed to speed up my RE acquisition.  Or maybe I just wait, and in a few years I'll have the capital accumulated.  Hell I don't know.  But I want to be 'productive' and do something...

So saying all of that, my suggestions might be:

1) look into the commercial RE deal.  I've thought about the same thing but never looked into it.  I'm sure you could find a firm where you work 8-9 months a year.
2) consider moving to Boulder (love that city) for this gig.  Take 3 months off a year and go somewhere in your RV.  Somewhere WARM
3) consider buying a place in Boulder.  Not because you need it, but because you'll qualify for the low interest owner occupant loan and can add a new property to your portfolio (of course, this assumes the numbers work, which in this market they may not).  Get a roommate or two to share the costs until the year expires and you can rent it out entirely, repeat the process.

My other suggestion, if you're not ready to settle down is just give it more time and think on it a bit more.  Move cities perhaps.  Austin might be a good choice. 

Meet ups are a good idea, I've tried a few, never really met someone but I'd still give it a try.

You may want to check out Art Of Charm - I think they're located in LA, might be a resource to meet some like minded guys (I've only listened to their podcasts).

Hope that helps~

[Dicey]

Note to JasonK and citykid3785: Very nice responses. I notice you're both 5 o'clock shadows, so welcome!

[EverythingisNew]

I understand where you are coming from! I'm 29 as well, and I semi-retired in April 2014. I was so into working hard and saving money during my working life, basically I got used to living unhappily and sacrificing myself every day. It's good to have this mindset when you are pre-FIRE, but post-FIRE it is hard to adjust to relaxing and being happy without the pride of a career.

It took me 1 year to readjust my mindset after stopping full-time corporate work. 6 months after I quit, I started applying for jobs again and desperately racked my brain to think of different careers that I would enjoy. It really disturbed me that I wasn't happy semi-retired, because that was all I had wanted for 5 years. It sounds like you are at this phase.

I would say you need more time to think over what you want. Try to find other people to spend time with. My husband works from home and I have a baby. A lot of people think I'm a stay at home mom, which helps give me an identity that people can understand. It was really hard for me to be okay with my new identity because I used to be very successful, but now, after a year, I am okay.

Time helped me to adjust. I also stopped reading this blog for a while and I stopped looking at my money spreadsheets and brokerage accounts. I was so obsessed with money!! I reached FIRE pretty much by being an anorexic and bulimic with money. I had a lot of emotions and pride attached to money and I really enjoyed making the big bucks, but it wasn't a healthy relationship with money. It was slavery, not freedom, and it had nothing to do with a job, I was actually proud of my obsession with money.

Now I try to find pleasure in little things. I paint a small painting every month of something around the yard or house. Mostly because focusing on the detail of a flower or pinecone helps me to appreciate the little things and count my blessings. I read more and joined a Meetup book club. I watch my daughter to find what makes her smile (those things usually make me smile too, children and pets know how to enjoy life!!)

I might return to work later, but this break has been very good for me!

Good luck to you. Give it time and then when you get some clarity, go for it! Or if you don't get any clarity, that's an answer too! Just start enjoying life!!

[MoonShadow]

Buy a used sailboat, and cruise the Great Loop for a year.  You can see the Eastern US in ways that would be difficult or expensive otherwise.  At the end of the year, you might decide you hate boats and just bail; or perhaps you want to sail to Europe, then South America, then the Pacific Islands.

Or you could go study nursing, but would that really be retiring?  What would you do with that, join the Peace Corps?  Do what you want to do, but if you really are unhappy not working, and you think you will be happy working as nurse, do that.

[EverythingisNew]

1. Be grateful.  The position you're in is amazing.  Cherish it.  As cheesy as it might sound, a gratefulness journal is helpful if you're feeling lost.  Write down every day what it is you're grateful for that day.  You'll soon stop feeling as often that you're not doing what you need to/should be doing and instead a peacefulness in that you're already living a pretty damn good life.  And because that's your attitude, you're going to keep living that awesome life.
2. Happiness is a very elusive word, nearly impossible to pin a legitimate definition to.  Instead, substitute the word "proud".  Not outwardly proud, like you want to show it off, but what you're inwardly proud of.  When considering starting in on a project, buying more real estate, dating a girl, training heavily in MMA, etc., ponder if the you of 5, 10, 20, years in the future would be proud of having spent a portion of your allotted time on earth doing said thing.

Cheers to the awesome life that you're already living!  Time is on your side, enjoy.

I love this advice! I will save it! Thank you.

[sixup]

Move to Hawaii. Nobody here cares if you have fancy stuff, the people are cool, relaxed vibe,  perfect weather to live in a van (RV would probably stand out a bit too much, unless you did have your own plot of land, which might be doable), ocean and mountains right next to each other, best waves in the world, natural beauty everywhere.

Then go fishing, grow a garden, work part time on a whale watching boat during whale season, work on a booze cruise the other part of the year, surf, do some amazing hikes, meet some cool people, read books, whatever.

This won't really solve any existential issues, but what will do that? I don't know.

[BTDretire]

I just can't think of why I want to spend an extra $700 a month to suffer more inconveniences. For example I can't forget anything at home because I take
Home with me. This would be disastrous in LA since it takes and hour to get anywhere. After MMA practice I can go to sleep immediately in my RV if I'm tired, or cook a full meal if I'm hungry. There's no worrying about what to bring or refrigeration.

The only reason to do it would be to not be the "weird RV guy." Now, I haven't gotten this attitude from anyone here, tons of people actually live this way here, but I can't help shake the thought that people, especially potential dates, might think less of me. Ironically, most people have raves about how cool it is (to my face at least). It seems absolutely stupid to waste all that money and be inconvenienced just because SOME girls MIGHT like it more if I had a crappy apartment.

I really think it's just something I have to mentally shake,

 That is a point I picked up on first! It is your attitude that needs adjustment, stop concerning yourself with what others might think. They rarely do! and if they do, so what, if you enjoy their company, and they stay around, game over.
 
With the RV, you can spend summer in Arizona or Colorado and winter in LA.

Also If you can develop additional  income generators along the way, just in case one of your other sources fades
that would be ideal. But that's not a constant concern.

 Do things and learn to enjoy them.

 Now as to in and outs of interpersonal relationships, which I think is really the heart of the problem,
if I knew the answer, I wouldn't have the same problem.
 Just keep plugging away, and be happy you are not tied to a desk 50 hrs a week with a family that needs food and shelter.



I just don't want to wake up in ten years and realize that for some reason living in an RV has been limiting my life in some way. I really think there are ways around it that don't involve moving into an apartment though. I think I would be just as lonely in an apartment, and I would feel more stuck.
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[Pootie22]

Check out meet ups in the LA/OC area. There are literally thousands of them almost everyday within a 25 mile radius. Including many MMA groups and pretty much everything under the sun. I live in OC and like it MUCH better than LA so it may be more your style. San Diego is great too.

I've heard about meetups but have never actually gone to one. Does anyone have experience with them? Like, have you gotten genuine long term friends from them? It sounds promising...I will definitely go to some and see.

Before I even finished reading your first post I was thinking this exactly!  Yes there are a TON of meetups here and a lot of adult sports leagues where you definitely meet a lot of great people. I live in Long Beach and play in a Beach Volleyball league, Basketball League and Kickball League (where I met my girlfriend, soon to be wife). I have honestly met some of the coolest people joining these groups and I initially joined them knowing not a single person. You also meet a lot of people from out of state (I'm guessing they join for the same reasons you would). 
You should definitely check out Long Beach, still part of L.A. but a bit more relaxed than in DTLA with just as much if not more to do. BTW me and my girlfriend are right around your age so feel free to hit me up if you want to meet up!

[Dexterous]

It seems like LA is not a good fit for you aside from MMA.  Here are my suggestions/ideas:  go to Boulder where you fit in better, find MMA for a hobby there, buy some land for your RV (and future house), and do real estate.  Make enough $ that you can build something you like on that land.  In the meantime, you can tell the ladies you're building a house and travelling internationally, so maybe they'll get over the RV thing temporarily, lol.  :P  Oh, and buy a better heater for the winter!  I'm sure there are solutions.

You could also get snow shoes and skis, the winter might be more enjoyable in the mtns.  And/or if you truly just hate the cold, then travel elsewhere for a couple weeks/months each winter (including overseas!  that opened my eyes to the world).

[Felipe]

Sounds like a high quality problem to have. Off my gut it sounds like you're anxious to do something. Maybe unclear on the why to do it all.

Meditation may help ease that so you can make a clearer choice. You can practice from home or anywhere but I liked Vipassana, it's a free 10 day silent meditation, it's very difficult, but I walked out with more equinimity than I thought I could have.

I'm still not FIRE but I should be set to by 29 as well. For me after I see a ridiculous amount of choice. I want to contribute to global sustainability either want to work as a guide for outdoor rock climbing or another cool outdoor activity, work as a biologist in nature, volunteer around the world teaching English and sustainable engineering, build a self-sustainable (energy, water, and waste recycling) home then community, start a collective (maybe in Colorado) or build a business to face some large global efficiency problem.

Santa Cruz is nice but cold often. I like the idea of moving to Colorado. I have friends who back and fourth between New York and the Caribbean by season, might be a way to enjoy the best of each town.

Good luck, I hope something here helps you move forward to a satisfied life.

[HBFIRE]

"places like Bangkok and Chiang Mai"

So you're an affiliate marketer, eh?  Great money in that, I do the same.

What kind of offers are you running?

[HBFIRE]

"I live in OC and like it MUCH better than LA so it may be more your style. San Diego is great too. "

I second this.  Especially if you are doing affiliate marketing as I suspect -- huge number of affiliate marketers in San Diego, so I would meet up with some of the AM down there to start meeting people.   I'd also go for San Diego because it's cheaper than OC, less pretentious/relaxed, and a better laid back culture vibe imo.  Too bad you don't drink, because the beer in San Diego is the best in the world.

[db_cooper]

If I had your "problem",  I'd move the RV around CO and UT wherever it was snowing, and ski every day.   Midwest winters suck I know.  Mountain winters rock though.