Author Topic: Who do you hang out with?  (Read 10486 times)

Stash Man

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Who do you hang out with?
« on: January 28, 2016, 10:13:12 AM »
One thing that concerns me about ER is the possible lack of human interaction.  Most of the people I know hold regular jobs and won't be able to hang out with me.  How do you early retirees deal with that?

soccerluvof4

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2016, 10:18:59 AM »
I spend alot of my time with my wife as we go to workout and stuff. Whats important or I think you will hear from many is as in my case I have so much to do like DIY projects that I dont really have time to screw off anyhow BUT when I want to I do. In time too you meet people that are around during the day. Golf courses, gyms, biking there are people of all ages around. Not to mention people work all different shifts in life so maybe you will just need to make new friends via volunteering or trying new things.

Exflyboy

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2016, 12:00:18 PM »
Well my Wife is still working so I do have this problem, which is partly why I took a part time "hobby Job"

There are a few things to keep me occupied in addition however, the "honey do" list gets longer by the day, I do all the dishes and often cook for the evening meal.

When the weather clears up I have a few outside projects on the house and rentals.

There is also the MM forum..:)

Jon_Snow

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2016, 12:18:23 PM »
Yeah, this was one of my concerns before I FIRE'd...and there is a distinct lack of people my age to be seen when I am doing my FIRE'y things about town...not to mention on my little island. Most of my social contact happens during my hours at the gym...met some interesting people (and some scary ones) there...but the thing is, the ones around my age are able to be at the gym during the day because they work nights. ;)

The desire to know people with whom I could "hang with" in FIRE is one of the main reasons why I go to as many MMM meet ups as possible in my area....and I've even travelled a fair distance to some. I'm going to have attended 3 meetups in a two week period....and in the process I've met people with very similar interests and world views as myself. I'm rooting for many of them to reach FIRE themselves so we can all go enjoy the delights of a FIRE'd life TOGETHER. :)

YeahNo

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2016, 03:15:26 PM »
I would love to live in a close knit neighborhood where everyone was FIRE. How cool would that be! Anyone want to make it happen?

Maybe we could all just go to the same place for winter travel for a month or two, say, Key West.

Dicey

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2016, 06:24:22 PM »
Shit, I was just thinking about this as I was writing on another thread. I held my tongue there, but I can't do it any longer, so tl;dr, here goes:

I am FIRE, but DH is not. He has excellent reasons to keep working for five more years, including an excellent pension with really good health care. I said the S-word, but I do not want to come off as a complainer, so please try to keep that in mind as you read my tale.

To borrow from Eric222, my life is an exploding volcano of awesomeness. Except for this one teeny, tiny little thing. When my FIL died, we realized MIL has Alzheimer's (they were propping each other up, apparently), so now she lives with us. We had to sell our fixed up, low tax base, affordable, but no downstairs bedroom house(s) and buy one big ol' clown house so she could be safe. (Her local house is a tiny shitbox that's falling off the foundation and has a cloudy title and her nicer house was too far away.) So here I am, all happy to be FIRE and then this happens. I'm not whinging, just pointing out that it's possible to think your life is headed one way and then it makes an abrupt turn. Thank goodness I don't have to deal with this, small kids AND an asshole boss.

So my challenge to you is to figure.it.out. There are new friends to be made, new opportunities to explore. You don't get handed a bunch of friends to play with just because you retired, whatever your age. You have to get to go out and create a new life for yourself. In the process, you will find it, and your life will become an exploding volcano of awesomeness, too. (Thanks, Eric222.) It sounds hard, but it's so, so much faster and easier than achieving FIRE, and you managed to do that just fine, right? Remember, if all else fails, you can always go back to work. Anywhere on the planet. But don't give up just yet.

AlwaysBeenASaver

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2016, 09:21:17 PM »
I often hang out alone, by choice, but my post-FIRE human interaction mainly consists of long chats with my retired neighbors, people I meet when doing volunteer work, my close friend who works non-standard hours, meeting working friends for lunch. And of course evening/weekend get-togethers with the same people as pre-FIRE. To tell the truth, I have several other friends who don't work and would like to get together during the week more often, but I don't want to spend ALL my FIRE time hanging out with people, I have lots of things I want to do at home.

Tami1982

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2016, 12:49:54 AM »
It's a problem.  I left my last job, and now work from home watching dogs and it's lonely.  I have a ton of dog interaction, but my friends are all working or have kids and crazy schedules.  I always kept my social circle small cause that's how I liked it, but have realized it's okay to have friends who aren't your "best friend." Or even a really good friend.  You can have people in  your life who are your dog park buddy, your hiking buddy, your thrifting buddy.  I'v expanded my social circle or I'd be lonely as frick.  I don't have a significant other so that comes into play too.    My last job was customer service so I spoke to people and saw people all day, and I didn't realize how much I would miss that interaction with people, even when it wasn't very personal.   

BFGirl

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2016, 06:16:46 AM »
I got divorced in 2014 and will probably be an empty nester in the next 2-5 years.  I also plan to retire in that time frame.  Socialization was a big worry I had when deciding where to move, because the majority of my close friends were also business associates.  One of my former neighbors and a good friend had moved to a master planned community and convinced me to move there.  It has trails, a small lake, parks, pools and the people are very social.  It is a spendypants place to live, but for me the extras are worth it.  My townhouse is paid for and I have a decent stache, so it should work into my budget.  We do things at people's houses all the time, so I am able to socialize a lot and only do some of the more expensive outings to restaurants and such.  I've never lived where my closest friends are my neighbors and the sense of community is amazing.

If you have hobbies, I would suggest that you find a group with similar interests.  My side hustle involves a hobby and I spend some time up at the shop where I teach and do consignment.  People are always encouraged to bring their projects and there are usually several people just hanging out at the shop.

Lucky Girl

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2016, 06:31:17 AM »
I realize that this does not work as well for men without kids, but this is one issue I don't think I'll have too much trouble with.  When I RE (or downshift to part-time) I'll basically just be joining the Stay at Home Mom crew.  Not something I ever really aspired to, but at least I know there are folks out there my age who have free time during the day. 

My point here being, there are groups of youngish people who do not work full time.  Other than volunteer at the local school and do the grocery shopping during the week I'm not sure what they do, but they are out there.

Doubleh

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2016, 06:59:44 AM »
Sounds to me like the main restriction is not finding people, but finding people of a similar age. What about hanging out with some normal retirement age people, and or students? Both have lots of free time and you will learn something different from each.

Fishindude

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2016, 07:08:45 AM »
This is a valid concern.  I will retire from full time work next year, but many friends near my age will still be working.
The good news is, I've got several older friends who have recently retired, so I'm guessing I will spend a bit more time around the older crowd.

Many of the things I enjoy; farm work, tinkering around, hunting, trapping, etc. can be done solo, however some activities are much more fun and much safer with a partner.
I figure this is a pretty good problem to have.

Stash Man

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2016, 09:37:20 AM »
Doubleh, I think you're right.  The problem really is finding people of similar age/interests.  I'm in my thirties so my interests are probably different from the normal retirement age folks and the students.  I'm contemplating signing up for college classes though.  Being a cheapskate I cringe at the thought of paying tuition, but I'm sure the social life will be more than worth it.

Cookie78

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2016, 10:05:25 AM »
Right now I'm so *exhausted each work day that I often opt out of social events in the evening. Once I'm FIREd I think I'll just relax during the day and have all the energy for whatever is going on in the evenings. Win win.



*It's actually been so intense and ongoing for long enough that I'm planning on making an appointment with my doctor... if I can find the energy to do so.

Mr.Tako

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2016, 01:06:38 PM »
Social Interaction?  Who has time for that?  Seriously....without any 'social interaction', every minute of my day is filled.  Even nights, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, I'm actually up working on my blog because I just don't have time during the day.

Tami1982

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #15 on: January 29, 2016, 08:44:50 PM »
Doubleh, I think you're right.  The problem really is finding people of similar age/interests.  I'm in my thirties so my interests are probably different from the normal retirement age folks and the students.  I'm contemplating signing up for college classes though.  Being a cheapskate I cringe at the thought of paying tuition, but I'm sure the social life will be more than worth it.

If you are just going to social/educational reasons more than actually needing the credits you can audit the classes for a very small fee. 

Venturing

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #16 on: February 02, 2016, 03:41:38 PM »
Once people know that you're not working it kind of sorts itself out.

My husband took a while off from working. As soon as his friends knew he wasn't working they asked him if he wanted to do all sorts of things. Sometimes they would have a day off work and invite him to play golf. Sometimes they would have some cool project and asked if he wanted to lend a hand. Sometimes they were going in holiday and asked him if he wanted to go. Sometimes they would be going for a bike ride and ask him Along. Once people know that you are up for almost anything then they will ask you.

I'm a stay at home mum now so a lot of my social time is spent with other parents and their young kids. However, I have also found that since my weekends aren't filled with chores I have a lot more time and energy for socialising. I also have a lot more energy for arranging social events. Most of the time social events don't happen purely because nobody gets around to arranging them, arrange them yourself and problem solved. We have working friends around most weekends, I make brunch for us all  and we all hang out and have cheap fun.

I works shift work for a while and it was only when I wasn't working normal hours that I discovered how many other people are out and about during the week.

Honestly if you go into it with an open and friendly attitude it really isn't a problem to find people who want to hang out.

cchrissyy

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #17 on: February 03, 2016, 12:34:22 AM »
the self-employed
the sabbatical / temporarily retired
stay at home parents
telecommute / work at home on a flexible schedule people
part time job people
young retirees
old retirees
family


When you meet just one or two people who, like you, don't have day jobs, it will quickly expand as you meet the people they know

Frankies Girl

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #18 on: February 03, 2016, 01:39:48 AM »
My cat.
My husband when he's not working.
Once a month, we get together with a few friends and go do something or have a movie night.
That's about it other than superficial stuff at the grocery, bank, waiter...

But I am a very introverted hermit. I am quite happy with my level of interaction with people. I sometimes feel like I should make more of an effort, but then it seems so "effort-y" I just don't feel like trying.

Someone suggested Meetup to me as a way of finding events and make friends that might have similar interests.

Ozstache

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #19 on: February 03, 2016, 02:11:23 AM »
My cat.
My husband when he's not working.
Once a month, we get together with a few friends and go do something or have a movie night.
That's about it other than superficial stuff at the grocery, bank, waiter...

But I am a very introverted hermit. I am quite happy with my level of interaction with people. I sometimes feel like I should make more of an effort, but then it seems so "effort-y" I just don't feel like trying.

Someone suggested Meetup to me as a way of finding events and make friends that might have similar interests.
^this, except replace cat with dogs, husband with wife and friends with close family. I am a member of a few meetup groups as a standby but, after approaching two and a half years of FIRE, I haven't felt the need to enact them yet.

former player

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2016, 02:31:10 AM »
I would have looked askance at anyone who had suggested this to me before I retired, but -

local politics.

Which is a lot wider than just running for office (although you could do that too) and doesn't necessarily involve belonging to a political party or pressure group (although you get an instant community of like-minded people if you do).   Most great communities are as great as they are because people put in unpaid effort to keep them that way.  An MMM early retiree will have both time and a lot of savvy to contribute.  And even if you are feeling entirely selfish, helping your local community to be better run will get you both a more fantastic community to live in and a higher chance of your property values rising.

mamagoose

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2016, 12:43:14 PM »
the self-employed
the sabbatical / temporarily retired
stay at home parents
telecommute / work at home on a flexible schedule people
part time job people
young retirees
old retirees
family



When you meet just one or two people who, like you, don't have day jobs, it will quickly expand as you meet the people they know

Night shift workers (nurses, police, firefighters, bartenders, entertainers). They usually have more interesting stories to tell than my former cube mates too!

vern

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #22 on: February 03, 2016, 06:30:13 PM »

Bolshevik Artizan

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #23 on: February 03, 2016, 08:33:59 PM »
I realize that this does not work as well for men without kids, but this is one issue I don't think I'll have too much trouble with.  When I RE (or downshift to part-time) I'll basically just be joining the Stay at Home Mom crew.  Not something I ever really aspired to, but at least I know there are folks out there my age who have free time during the day. 

My point here being, there are groups of youngish people who do not work full time.  Other than volunteer at the local school and do the grocery shopping during the week I'm not sure what they do, but they are out there.

Completely agree with this. And I live in a semi-rural community in Western Canada. It's amazing how, when you step off the corporate treadmill, you find a) loads of people who have done the same and b) how many people don't have work at the centre of their lives. they work part-time. They get by. We've been here for two months and not a day goes by that I don't meet someone new and interesting. And because it's not The Big City, even folks who work full time take a lot more time to chat. Highly agreeable..

Cottonswab

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #24 on: February 03, 2016, 09:44:46 PM »
One thing that concerns me about ER is the possible lack of human interaction.  Most of the people I know hold regular jobs and won't be able to hang out with me.  How do you early retirees deal with that?

I live a relatively nomadic life, so if you like to travel, I would recommend picking a location, start date, end date, and find a website that facilitates obtaining partners for specific activities that you would like to do.  I like to climb, so I will generally post requests for partners on a website like MountainProject.com or whatever climbing partner site is more popular for that specific location.

FINate

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #25 on: February 03, 2016, 11:56:49 PM »
How do I deal with lack of human interaction? Pretty well since I'm an introvert ;-) Nothing quite like a solo hiking/backpacking trip, or going mountain biking by myself.

More seriously, I have two young kids and my wife also doesn't work so I get plenty of interaction. Beyond this, I have a few friends with work schedules other than M-F so I hang with them mid-week.

MVal

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #26 on: February 09, 2016, 03:58:18 PM »
It's a problem.  I left my last job, and now work from home watching dogs and it's lonely.  I have a ton of dog interaction, but my friends are all working or have kids and crazy schedules.  I always kept my social circle small cause that's how I liked it, but have realized it's okay to have friends who aren't your "best friend." Or even a really good friend.  You can have people in  your life who are your dog park buddy, your hiking buddy, your thrifting buddy.  I'v expanded my social circle or I'd be lonely as frick.  I don't have a significant other so that comes into play too.    My last job was customer service so I spoke to people and saw people all day, and I didn't realize how much I would miss that interaction with people, even when it wasn't very personal.

So are you watching dogs post-FIRE, or is this your 'stache-funding gig now? Do you basically run your own business doing this? I have a couple of dogs I watch a handful of times a year, but I'd like to do more. People seem eager to fork over cash for watching their fur babies, so I'd like to take advantage more.

BPA

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #27 on: February 15, 2016, 08:42:03 AM »
Roommates who work part-time/are shift workers.  Also, my partner is currently sporadically employed. And I sometimes hang with older friends of mine who retired at a more normal age.  I'm actually very rarely alone for long.  I'm glad for it since I am an extrovert and worried about missing the social interaction of a job.

FIRE me

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #28 on: February 19, 2016, 10:13:21 AM »
One thing that concerns me about ER is the possible lack of human interaction.  Most of the people I know hold regular jobs and won't be able to hang out with me.  How do you early retirees deal with that?

Ah, one of the few advantages of being an introvert. I think I could be locked up in solitary confinement, and barely notice any difference. I would miss the internet.

Disclaimer: I'm not a retiree, yet.

rtrnow

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #29 on: February 19, 2016, 10:48:54 AM »
Doubleh, I think you're right.  The problem really is finding people of similar age/interests.  I'm in my thirties so my interests are probably different from the normal retirement age folks and the students.  I'm contemplating signing up for college classes though.  Being a cheapskate I cringe at the thought of paying tuition, but I'm sure the social life will be more than worth it.

You might be surprised. Writing off groups of people because of age will cause you to miss out on a lot. I had a great 25 mile bike ride with someone 30 years older than me this morning.

SummerLovin

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Re: Who do you hang out with?
« Reply #30 on: February 24, 2016, 10:53:12 AM »
Agree with rtrnow. Don't let age be a primary factor in your interactions, instead focus on hobbies/ interests.  There are many older people that are experienced and willing to share their knowledge and skills. They may not be able to do the same physically challenging activities as a 30 something, but they are far from being out to pasture. 
As someone else mentioned, make a list of things you want to learn to and find folks with similar interests.
Here are a few ideas:
-Continuing education classes at local CC - often cheaper that credit earning classes
-Local Meetup chapter- check out calendar and look for things that interest you, or create your own meetup!
-Craigslist-check out community section- people are always looking for activity partners, volunteers
-Home Depot/Lowes-free DIY classes