Quit. I understand, believe me.
Last December I was off work for surgery. Work had been a rollcoaster for years but lately had plummeted to new lows. Soul sucking, hand wringing, drinking too much after a stressful day, sleeping pills to sleep at night. At home recovering from surgery, as the date drew closer to return to work I started to panic about going back to that hell hole. Every night my husband would come home from work to find me crying on the couch. I was starting the countdown on the days until I return. He was the one who suggested that I retire now. Literally I would ask over and over and over, "really? is it possible? I can retire? You mean I never have to go back there?" I could not wrap my head around it.
I am 56 and I planned to work until 60. It just went against everything in my work ethic, upbringing whatever to "bail" 4 years early. I just about drove my husband crazy asking him repeatedly "is it possible, really? really? give up a "good" government job? You mean I don't have to work 4 more years?"
Finally, as the day grew closer to return to work after surgery, I decided that I won't make a decision now I will wait and see how I feel after I get back to work. Long story short, two days back to work and I was done.
FUCK you assholes! I typed up my letter giving two weeks notice and with outstanding vacation owing I only had to work 4 days. I spent three days dealing with hell, shit hitting the fan and taking a moment here and there to shred. Shred shred shred. Day 4 morning I handed in all my company property (badge, etc.) Before going to lunch with my co-workers I told my boss I won't be back after lunch. My heart was pounding at the elevator like I had robbed the bank, broke out of prision, escaped from being held hostage, got away with murder, you get the picture.
Not for a second have I regretted it. I am eating homecooked meals (made by moi), drinking is probably 1/3 of what I was drinking. No more sleeping pills. Gym 5 days a week.
I did feel guilty in the beginning that my husband is still working but now, not so much. The stress on him is far less, we are not rushing around trying to grocery shop, clean the house, yardwork etc. He loves it because he sees I am finally happy. I am putting my health first now instead of last. I have had two surgeries in two years and have a few other medical issues that need attention.
I know it sounds crazy but I think I had PTSD (mild). The first couple of weeks I apparently was crying, shouting and screaming in my sleep. It seems insane now and it was only last month.
FU money is the truth. I get up when I want. I go to bed when I want and in between I do what I want.
I know it sounds arrogant but on a beautiful day like today, I was sitting out in the backyard reading a book with a coffee thinking how great life is now and "I am far too rich to put up with their bullshit"