Author Topic: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated  (Read 40927 times)

Linea_Norway

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #150 on: August 21, 2019, 06:12:44 AM »
An interesting thing happened in the middle of the night. I woke up briefly as I often do, figured out what day it was, and then went right back to sleep! I didn't spend the next hour or so worrying about everything I had to do...I just slept! It's lovely to think this might be my new normal.

Congrats with your big step.

About waking up in the middle of the night: last night I woke up around 3 am, worrying about one thing. Eventually I got up to do get my mind off the thing, reading a bit about where we will be living in the future. That worked, my mind was off the first worry. I went  back to bed and started thinking about the new thing for the remainder of the night.
Functioning on coke (cola) today.

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #151 on: August 21, 2019, 11:24:44 AM »
Thank you! And not just for the well wishes, but for all of the encouragement along the way. If I hadn't started this thread 9 months ago, I am positive that DH and I would still be slogging along -drowning in money and complaining that we didn't have enough time.

An interesting thing happened in the middle of the night. I woke up briefly as I often do, figured out what day it was, and then went right back to sleep! I didn't spend the next hour or so worrying about everything I had to do...I just slept! It's lovely to think this might be my new normal.

Great sleep is one of the best benefits of FIRE almost 7 years in.  I can't say enough about napping when the heat index is over 100 here in Houston either!

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #152 on: August 27, 2019, 03:16:02 PM »
Napping is a wonderful thing! I woke up around 8:30 (at least an hour later than I used to sleep), ate a quick bite, took a long walk with DH, made lunch, worked on a couple of minor house projects, napped for an hour, showered and got ready to meet friends for half price burger night.

A relatively lazy day, but I feel relaxed - not a bit concerned that I didn't accomplish more. I could get used to this.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #153 on: August 27, 2019, 09:24:45 PM »
Napping is a wonderful thing! I woke up around 8:30 (at least an hour later than I used to sleep), ate a quick bite, took a long walk with DH, made lunch, worked on a couple of minor house projects, napped for an hour, showered and got ready to meet friends for half price burger night.

A relatively lazy day, but I feel relaxed - not a bit concerned that I didn't accomplish more. I could get used to this.

We told you so :-)

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #154 on: October 05, 2019, 04:39:47 PM »
Checking in...things are going pretty well. I've happily referred a few potential clients to other realtors which should lead to some passive income. I didn't have any interest in taking these transactions on myself, so that's a good sign that FIRE might be starting to take hold.

I feel like I'm doing a good job of exercising more (daily walks/hikes of 2-5 miles) and eating better. Food costs have dropped from close to $1000/month to under $500/month by eating in a lot more. We could do better...but baby steps for now.

My biggest challenge is occasional anxiety about not accomplishing more. I'm hoping that is just part of the decompressing stage.

chasesfish

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #155 on: October 06, 2019, 09:02:52 AM »
Checking in...things are going pretty well. I've happily referred a few potential clients to other realtors which should lead to some passive income. I didn't have any interest in taking these transactions on myself, so that's a good sign that FIRE might be starting to take hold.

I feel like I'm doing a good job of exercising more (daily walks/hikes of 2-5 miles) and eating better. Food costs have dropped from close to $1000/month to under $500/month by eating in a lot more. We could do better...but baby steps for now.

My biggest challenge is occasional anxiety about not accomplishing more. I'm hoping that is just part of the decompressing stage.

That "anxiety about accomplishing more" didn't go away for me quickly.  It was very slow over six months.  Completely normal

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #156 on: October 06, 2019, 09:25:52 AM »
Good to know. I definitely need to learn how to structure my life now that I have so much more free time.

chasesfish

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #157 on: October 07, 2019, 05:35:51 PM »
Good to know. I definitely need to learn how to structure my life now that I have so much more free time.

For me it was the other way around....learning to live with less structure.

My poor wife, I was wound up and ready to be productive by 9:30.  She had a few years ahead of me to learn "no, I don't have to do that yet".

Figuring out each others balance has been interesting.  Took 3-4 months then it got better

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #158 on: October 07, 2019, 06:40:19 PM »
That makes a lot of sense. DH is so relaxed...no more alarm clock, commute, or 9-5 so he sleeps until 10. I used to work from home a lot so I still wake up naturally at 7...but without my usual 50 emails to deal with. Nice to know it just takes time to adjust.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #159 on: October 08, 2019, 12:35:50 AM »
That makes a lot of sense. DH is so relaxed...no more alarm clock, commute, or 9-5 so he sleeps until 10. I used to work from home a lot so I still wake up naturally at 7...but without my usual 50 emails to deal with. Nice to know it just takes time to adjust.

I recognize that, getting up a very early hour on my days off, especially this time of the year when the sun shines unto the bedroom window.
Can you not give yourself some task to do in the morning, like writing yourself some morning pages or doing meditation/yoga?

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #160 on: October 08, 2019, 01:03:42 PM »
I was thinking that this morning. I could hop on the treadmill or play with acrylics or water colors to substitute for the "busy" work that used to occupy my mind.

Weedy Acres

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #161 on: October 12, 2019, 05:47:06 AM »
In my mind, RE (or retiring period) isnít about being able to sleep all day and play solitaire.  Itís about having the freedom and flexibility to do whatever you want.  That could be taking care of your kids (a la MMM) or taking care of parents, or traveling the world, or learning and developing new skills, or volunteering for a cause, or serving in local government, or a plethora of other possibilities. 

I donít imagine much joy in just sitting around doing nothing.  I see a lot of joy in using your freedom to accomplish something you really care about and/or will make a difference in the world.

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #162 on: October 12, 2019, 07:40:27 AM »
Agreed. I'm a bit paralyzed, I think. I had been spending 6-10 hours a day concerned about work (even on weekends since I was a realtor.) Now I cook, work on house projects, take daily hikes, and have a lot more time for family and friends.

Instead of enjoying my new found freedom, I worry that I should be accomplishing more. I also know that if I take on a new cause right now, I won't really decompress fully - I'll just throw myself into the new thing so I don't have to do the work on myself.



chasesfish

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #163 on: October 12, 2019, 08:05:04 AM »
Agreed. I'm a bit paralyzed, I think. I had been spending 6-10 hours a day concerned about work (even on weekends since I was a realtor.) Now I cook, work on house projects, take daily hikes, and have a lot more time for family and friends.

Instead of enjoying my new found freedom, I worry that I should be accomplishing more. I also know that if I take on a new cause right now, I won't really decompress fully - I'll just throw myself into the new thing so I don't have to do the work on myself.

It requires discipline *just* to commit to six months of not trying to accomplish anything.  I can't begin to say how happy I am that I've done that.  My drive along with the internal stress it was causing me has slowed and I'm more relaxed. 

Disclaimer - I have a 3hr/week gig and that's been "enough".  I'm sure your trailing real estate stuff is a few hours a week.

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #164 on: October 12, 2019, 09:24:47 AM »
Yes it is still occupying a bit of my time. I just had a listing appointment this week. My goal was to do a warm hand off to a colleague rather than just give the seller a name and a number. It went well and will likely translate to $7k in passive  referral income in the next year. I also had to fix a "broken" icemaker at one of my rental units - and deal with repairs on an old hvac system in the other rental. So I'm not at the sitting around eating bon-bons stage of retirement just yet!

jimmyshutter

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #165 on: October 13, 2019, 04:23:30 PM »
Disregard post. Thank you
« Last Edit: October 13, 2019, 04:46:42 PM by jimmyshutter »

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #166 on: January 05, 2020, 03:28:30 PM »
A few more FIREd months under my belt, and I'm happy to report that it's going well...as you all told me it would. We just looked at our end of year numbers and were pleasantly surprised that our net worth was quite a bit higher than in August when we stopped working. Thanks again for all of the advice and support. I'm pretty sure I'd still be trading time for money if I hadn't started this post.

2sk22

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #167 on: January 06, 2020, 02:20:32 AM »
Great to hear your update! Can't wait to join the class of 2020 myself :-)

Simpli-Fi

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #168 on: January 06, 2020, 05:23:50 AM »
Love this thread!

I'm so happy for Omy and her DH.  What a life!

chasesfish

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #169 on: January 06, 2020, 05:24:45 AM »
A few more FIREd months under my belt, and I'm happy to report that it's going well...as you all told me it would. We just looked at our end of year numbers and were pleasantly surprised that our net worth was quite a bit higher than in August when we stopped working. Thanks again for all of the advice and support. I'm pretty sure I'd still be trading time for money if I hadn't started this post.

Congrats again!  I'm waiting for that April update...once you make it that far, I think you are in the clear from being tempted back into your old routine

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #170 on: January 06, 2020, 10:11:15 AM »
chasesfish quote from another post:

"After the first six months...this is beyond awesome.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.   The biggest realization is I was good at my job, I liked my job, and at times I was passionate about my job and enjoyed the journey at times.   However, my job was not my life and it provided a means to an end.  The further away I get from it the more I realized that the time I spent at work came at the expense of everything else.  Friends, family, hobbies, travelling.   The ability to *rarely* feel rushed at anything is incredible.   I was rushed every day with work deadlines and a long list of "to-dos" at home and I'd be constantly doing triage to figure out what was most important."

This really resonated with me (even though I'm only 4.5 months into FIRE). I almost can't remember the me who was worried about how I would fill the void in my life left by not having "purpose". DH was instantly free and excited when he retired. I was a bit lost at first, but I think I've turned the corner.
« Last Edit: January 06, 2020, 11:15:35 AM by Omy »

JoJo

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #171 on: January 06, 2020, 11:02:36 AM »
Thanks for the inspiration.  I have several people in my life convincing me to keep working (I'm 60% time so full benies covered) but I'm getting sick of the things I'm working on.

chasesfish

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #172 on: January 06, 2020, 11:16:22 AM »
chasesfish quote from another post:

"After the first six months...this is beyond awesome.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.   The biggest realization is I was good at my job, I liked my job, and at times I was passionate about my job and enjoyed the journey at times.   However, my job was not my life and it provided a means to an end.  The further away I get from it the more I realized that the time I spent at work came at the expense of everything else.  Friends, family, hobbies, travelling.   The ability to *rarely* feel rushed at anything is incredible.   I was rushed every day with work deadlines and a long list of "to-dos" at home and I'd be constantly doing triage to figure out what was most important."

This really resonated for me (even though I'm only 4.5 months into FIRE). I almost can't remember the me who was worried about how I would fill the void in my life left by not having "purpose". DH was instantly free and excited when he retired. I was a bit lost at first, but I think I've turned the corner.

I love it.

I'll still have the fleeting hour or two where I *think* about an enjoyable full time job....but I go fishing and the thought passes quickly.  I live somewhere that "cold" meant 55 and it meant it was a bass fishing the retention ponds kind of day

xbdb

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #173 on: January 06, 2020, 12:53:02 PM »
A few more FIREd months under my belt, and I'm happy to report that it's going well...as you all told me it would. We just looked at our end of year numbers and were pleasantly surprised that our net worth was quite a bit higher than in August when we stopped working. Thanks again for all of the advice and support. I'm pretty sure I'd still be trading time for money if I hadn't started this post.

Right On. I too have been retired since August and I love it. My net worth, thanks to the roaring economy and stock market, is also significantly higher. I love not having to get up early at o'dark thirty to go to work and the freedom to do whatever I want to. It's everything I hoped it would be. When I'm at the end of my life, I will look back upon this as one of the best decisions I've made.

itchyfeet

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #174 on: February 17, 2020, 12:19:48 PM »
I was just looking for a ďsafeĒish place to vent and chose here. Please feel free to ignore me and move on now. This post is pretty pointless,

I am not sure if I have OMY syndrome but my inability to calmly move toward FIRE is an illness of some kind for sure.

Todayís drama.....

It has been on the radar for a month or so, but it came up again at work again today. I am in pole position to get a very big promotion.... and meanwhile I am going to FIRE this year.

I really want to FIRE, but have this nagging feeling that I should take the promotion to crown my career. 🤴 The promotion would take my career to a height I never imagined possible, nor aspired to achieve.

If I landed the job Iíd feel good very about what Iíd achieved and the extra money in the stash will be used for certain. DW thinks I should take on the challenge of the appointment. She thinks Iíd relish with the pressure and challenges that Iíll face.....

On the other hand I want to FIRE and Iíve saved hard to get to the point where I can. Iíve been chipping away for years to get to this point. At 48 I am not so young, and want to make the absolute most of the next 20 years, and sitting in an office isnít what I spend my nights dreaming about.

There are many pros and cons for either next step which I couldnít be bothered writing here, but I really really hope I donít get the job because I really fear that if offered I will accept the job offer and that will be another 5 years of life life consumed...... 😤

mjr

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #175 on: February 17, 2020, 02:29:41 PM »
This post isn't pointless, I've been there.

Just imagine how you'll feel after a few months in the new job when the problems need fixing and the novelty wears off.  Your mindset is locked and loaded to get the hell out and having to deal with the responsibilities when you know you can just walk away will be terribly conflicting.

It would be a crowning achievement, I'm sure, but who is really going to care ?  One thing is certain, once you walk away the company continues without you.

As you've said, you have to *want* to do this for the next 5 years.  Anything less and you're selling yourself and the company short.

eyesonthehorizon

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #176 on: February 17, 2020, 02:44:04 PM »
Itchyfeet, that feels pretty familiar. I signed on to help with a work project as sort of a capstone to my career and now I feel like I'm on the hook, even though I'd be able to support myself if I walked out. That said, it sounds like you have been tired of what you were doing, and this offers a compensated out and a challenge that your spouse (who presumably knows you well) thinks you may enjoy.

Would it really take five years to accomplish what you wanted in the seat or are you just afraid you'll anesthetize yourself for that long? What is it you want to get done aside from holding a specific title?

itchyfeet

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #177 on: February 17, 2020, 09:07:27 PM »
As you've said, you have to *want* to do this for the next 5 years.  Anything less and you're selling yourself and the company short.

This really is the key point for me.

The Group CEO has been taking his time to decide who is the person he trusts with this assignment. The company has treated me well these past 15 years. I really donít want to leave on a sour note.

I know my consideration would not be reciprocated by the company but we all have to act by our own standards.

If I take this role I will have to give it my best and it will have to be for a reasonable amount of time. Maybe not 5 years. But I just want to make the decision with the mindset that itís a 5 year decision.

I feel privileged to be in this great situation where I have so many options re: how to craft my life from here on out.

I am a bit of a dreamer and have lots of ideas of things I might do post FIRE.

DW lives in the now. My constant prattling about doing this and that post FIRE is not something DW can engage with. She finds it annoying. She just keeps saying ďI donít want to talk about next year or the year after, we need to work out what we are doing this weekendĒ.

Itís difficult to get her excited about all the possibilities as it is just too intangible for her. If I am going to make major life changes I have to be the one driving those decisions. DW will always opt for minor corrections over throwing out the rule book.

There is no doubt that FIRE is a risk, and there are consequences that will make life pretty uncertain for a while (eg: we will need to move to a cheaper city/ town but have no clear favourite)  but feels to me like a risk worth taking given all that we could do with the additional freedom. I believe we have enough money, to be able to not feel to deprived.

2sk22

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #178 on: February 18, 2020, 03:08:34 AM »
On the other hand I want to FIRE and Iíve saved hard to get to the point where I can. Iíve been chipping away for years to get to this point. At 48 I am not so young, and want to make the absolute most of the next 20 years, and sitting in an office isnít what I spend my nights dreaming about.

There are many pros and cons for either next step which I couldnít be bothered writing here, but I really really hope I donít get the job because I really fear that if offered I will accept the job offer and that will be another 5 years of life life consumed...... 😤

As someone in his fifties, I can firmly say that 48 is still young :-)

In any case, what you have is not a classical OMY situation but rather George Costanza's desire to "leave on a high note" (I was a huge Seinfeld fan :-))

I can relate to this quite well myself. If you look at my posting history you can see where my financial position is. From a purely financial viewpoint,  I could have retired ages ago.

However, I quit a megacorp last year to join a startup precisely to "leave on a high note". If the startup succeeds, I can declare success and quit. If it fails, at least I had fun. Either way, its a much better exit than grindingly slow departure from megacorp.

My suggestion is to take this opportunity if you get it but tell yourself that you have the permission to leave at any time

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #179 on: February 18, 2020, 07:34:09 AM »
It sounds to me (correct me if I'm wrong), that DW is not onboard with FIRE yet. I say that since I was in her position just a few short years ago.

My DH kept wanting to quit, and my answer was always "What about health care?" He had the job with health benefits and it seemed crazy to stop when the fire hose of cash was coming in. So I kept delaying. We literally could have FIREd over 5 years ago.

I suggested that if he hated this job, try a less stressful one that came with benefits. He didn't want to work indefinitely at a low paying job so our compromise was to keep working until we padded the stash enough to cover worst case health care costs until Medicare age.

Then when we had double what we needed for FIRE and he was ready to quit, I started having major anxiety again (see beginning of this post.)

The amazing posters here talked me off the ledge and we FIREd last August. NO regrets.

My point to this long rambling post is that if DW isn't ready, you need to find out what is holding her back and address that. It may be fear that you don't have enough...or some other fear. One of my fears was not having a clear picture of what I would do with myself. By posting here (and having heart to heart conversations with DH), we figured it out. We may have wasted 5 years doing so, but that was our process.

itchyfeet

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #180 on: February 18, 2020, 11:08:24 AM »
Thanks OMY. There is some truth in what you say.

I donít believe DW believes we never need to work again. I get that. Itís pretty outlandish to think you can stop working 20 years early. DW is only 41.

But as DW has no interest in personal finance, my spreadsheets, the maths etc she just has to take my word for it, or stall. So she is stalling.

I doubt DW could even log on and make a share trade on our brokerage, despite my insistence that she needs to educate herself just in case the worst happens. I have shown her a couple of times. She didnít take notes, 🤞

I would say that DW is not against the idea of us not working, she just canít believe we could be wealthy enough to be in that position and has no means of making her own assessment. She is non-committal more than anti FIRE.

DWís father is 64 and still working, with no imminent retirement date. I think DW will find it embarrassing telling her hard working, self employed father that his lazy, pen pushing son in law has retired before him. This might be a factor as well.

But, with a couple of days of calm to reflect, I am pretty convinced I should FIRE and not sign up for more years of corporate life. Iíve done corporate drone. Iíve done it ok too. Now itís time for me to do something I want to do, rather than something I was fairly good at that paid pretty good.

CFIREsim is confident we will succeed.

kei te pai

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #181 on: February 18, 2020, 12:07:12 PM »
A friend has just died from an aggressive cancer. 3 months from diagnosis until the funeral. For all those here dithering/anguishing over more years building the stash, I would just say to you, if this was to be your last spring, what would you want to be doing?

xbdb

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #182 on: February 18, 2020, 01:52:10 PM »
A friend has just died from an aggressive cancer. 3 months from diagnosis until the funeral. For all those here dithering/anguishing over more years building the stash, I would just say to you, if this was to be your last spring, what would you want to be doing?

THIS. Time is the only currency we have.

fireonmymind

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #183 on: February 19, 2020, 11:56:52 AM »

My point to this long rambling post is that if DW isn't ready, you need to find out what is holding her back and address that. It may be fear that you don't have enough...or some other fear. One of my fears was not having a clear picture of what I would do with myself. By posting here (and having heart to heart conversations with DH), we figured it out. We may have wasted 5 years doing so, but that was our process.

Thanks OMY. There is some truth in what you say.

I donít believe DW believes we never need to work again. I get that. Itís pretty outlandish to think you can stop working 20 years early. DW is only 41.

But as DW has no interest in personal finance, my spreadsheets, the maths etc she just has to take my word for it, or stall. So she is stalling.

I doubt DW could even log on and make a share trade on our brokerage, despite my insistence that she needs to educate herself just in case the worst happens. I have shown her a couple of times. She didnít take notes, 🤞

I would say that DW is not against the idea of us not working, she just canít believe we could be wealthy enough to be in that position and has no means of making her own assessment. She is non-committal more than anti FIRE.

DWís father is 64 and still working, with no imminent retirement date. I think DW will find it embarrassing telling her hard working, self employed father that his lazy, pen pushing son in law has retired before him. This might be a factor as well.

But, with a couple of days of calm to reflect, I am pretty convinced I should FIRE and not sign up for more years of corporate life. Iíve done corporate drone. Iíve done it ok too. Now itís time for me to do something I want to do, rather than something I was fairly good at that paid pretty good.

CFIREsim is confident we will succeed.

itchyfeet, I think your DW is very similar to my DH. No interest at all on numbers. I don't mind taking the lead though since I love spreadsheet like he loves coffee LOL. I'm just worried about him if I happen to leave this world first.

OMY, congrats again. I'm so happy for both of you. Thank you for sharing your journey and advice. Something is holding off my DH and I've tried to find it but haven't been successful yet. It's been a long journey but he's learning to open up more and communicate better nowadays. Right now, I'm working on my fear if I RE first and he still works.

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #184 on: February 19, 2020, 01:49:44 PM »
I had the opposite fear, @fireonmymind. I was concerned that DH would be having lots of fun if he retired without me, and I would be jealous of his free time and I'd become a nag with a honey-do-list. Which is why we jumped at roughly the same time. What are your fears?

Nevermind... just saw your thread...I will go read it!
« Last Edit: February 19, 2020, 01:56:43 PM by Omy »

deborah

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #185 on: February 19, 2020, 08:09:35 PM »
I think it's really important for a couple to be on the same page when retiring - whether they retire at the same time or not. There have been people on this forum who have retired without their SO being on board, and some of them have found themselves divorced. It's not pleasant.

There are many reasons people may not want their spouse to retire. Some have been mentioned above. I worked with a bloke who felt that his SAH wife had nothing in common with him, and that he'd rather work each day than spend time with her. Many SAH spouses have a routine that could be shattered when their spouse retires, so there needs to be time spent figuring out how two people can spend every day in a house that one has occupied. People may be concerned about what they (or their SO) will find to do all day - won't they be bored, or become a couch potato or mess up their beautiful house?

itchyfeet

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #186 on: February 19, 2020, 08:57:22 PM »
I just re-read my last post. I am surprised any body could interpret that gibberish. All those double negatives. Somehow, you guys do seem to have been able to make some sense of it, so thanks.

Deborah, I am sure my DW has fears of what life will be like with me not working 😬. It will be a big change for me to go from 60 hour work weeks + commuting to having all that free time.

None of this is easy, but my suspicion is that it is worthwhile.

fireonmymind

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #187 on: February 19, 2020, 10:21:33 PM »
I had the opposite fear, @fireonmymind. I was concerned that DH would be having lots of fun if he retired without me, and I would be jealous of his free time and I'd become a nag with a honey-do-list. Which is why we jumped at roughly the same time. What are your fears?

Nevermind... just saw your thread...I will go read it!

Ahh i see. I, otoh, am afraid I'll be nagging DH to join me on endless road trips and he'll resent me for not doing all the house chores when we're home. And that is why I prefer we both retire at the same time.
As for him, I think he probably doesn't understand that we actually can downshift and be fine financially. He's great at many things but math is not one of them so I can understand how my spreadsheets can be too intimidating for him.

Now that you've both retired, do you spend more time together? Do you wish you would have retired at different time?

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #188 on: February 20, 2020, 06:13:02 AM »
We definitely spend more time together, but that is evolving as we each figure out what we want to do with our lives. 3-4 days a week one or the other of us is out of the house with their activity (volunteering, socializing, exercising). It's very important to both of us to have separate time. So far we have done all of our traveling together, but that won't always be the case because there will be times when we want to do different things. In the past 6 months we have taken 7 "long weekends" together (which no longer has to happen just on weekends!) and 2 longer trips. And the trips don't have set lengths any more...we can shorten or lengthen a vacation as we desire!

I'm very happy we chose to retire at the same time. My job was very unpredictable and it was very challenging for me to break away for vacation. We are making up for lost time.

mjr

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #189 on: February 20, 2020, 04:26:54 PM »
But, with a couple of days of calm to reflect, I am pretty convinced I should FIRE and not sign up for more years of corporate life. Iíve done corporate drone. Iíve done it ok too. Now itís time for me to do something I want to do, rather than something I was fairly good at that paid pretty good.

Yay !

Ozlady

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #190 on: February 20, 2020, 08:37:18 PM »
Following with interest...

Sadly DH has told me he has been afflicted with the dreaded  "3 year syndrome".....the worst thing was he did not realise he told me the same thing 3 years ago:(((

At the rate we are going, not only are we able to retire now ....heck! the kids can retire at the same time too ! (haha ! kidding!)

But seriously, lately i have had a slight twist of mind...instead of nagging DH to retire, perhaps i should be the one to change my lifestyle...he clearly loves what he does at work...who am i to tell him that his retirement should sync with mine...we are a married couple but we are still our own individuals at the end of the day!

Onwards and forwards!


Trifele

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #191 on: February 21, 2020, 05:24:27 AM »
Following with interest too.  My DH and I retired three years apart.  Would I have liked to FIRE with him at the same time?  Sure, but our plan was for me to work a bit longer to top up the accounts, and DH would be at home with the kids and renovating the house.  Believe me it wasn't easy to get dressed and go to work every day with DH in his pajamas sipping his coffee on the deck.  But we followed the plan and it worked out.  I agree with @deborah that it's important that both parties be on the same general page about FIRE, even when you don't FIRE together.

I was mildly worried that after I FIREd DH and I would be together TOO much and annoy each other.  But it didn't happen.  It's been all good.  IME, as marital challenges go, FIRE was a very mild one.  Way easier than other life changes, like having kids for example.  We enjoy our time together but we're not in lockstep.  Sometimes we have adventures together and sometimes we go off solo with friends/other family.  FIRE is even better than I thought it would be.  It's freedom.

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #192 on: February 21, 2020, 06:21:10 AM »
I remember being asked in my 20s...what are you saving for? As if you must have a purchase in mind in order to save. I used to get odd looks when I'd say "I'm buying my freedom".

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #193 on: March 17, 2020, 09:48:28 AM »
So a lot has changed in the past month...

I thought I'd post an update (to document my thoughts as we are watching the spread of covid-19 around the world and in the US.)

My first thought is that I am surprising calm. Very little anxiety. If this had happened a year ago there is no way that we would have FIREd. I'm very happy that we DID retire in August last year. I would not want to be showing homes and worrying about my clients contracts during these crazy times. I'm glad that DH doesn't have to go into a germy office and restaurants for lunch. We can hunker down and self isolate and weather this storm. It will make a dent financially but that will probably work itself out in a year or three. And if the world ends, at least we weren't working until the verylast day.

Even though our financials have taken a big hit (no idea how big - we have decided not to look for awhile since there is nothing we will do differently), I feel like we are in better shape than the vast majority.

I'm so glad we don't have mortgages on our house or rentals. I'm a bit concerned that our rental income (which pays most of our bills) could dry up if my tenants stop getting paid, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Evictions have been halted in my state. It will be scary if my tenants decide to take advantage of this.

One big lesson for me is that there is no way to predict every possible contingency. I used to joke that my contingency plans had contingency plans. I never considered that something like a virus could expose how precarious our economy, health care system, and government are. I'm hopeful that with all of our planning and our frugal natures (and a little luck) we will come through this just fine.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #194 on: March 17, 2020, 10:12:58 AM »
Good to hear you are feeling relaxed about it. So do I, as we FIREd at the start of this year.
I think mostly those who are going to FIRE are anxious, but if the market behaves like usual, it will go up eventually.

itchyfeet

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #195 on: March 17, 2020, 10:38:25 AM »
Yes. A lot has changed in a month.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #196 on: March 17, 2020, 11:55:41 AM »
With the certainty of repeating myself --- we told you so :-)

So a lot has changed in the past month...

I thought I'd post an update (to document my thoughts as we are watching the spread of covid-19 around the world and in the US.)

My first thought is that I am surprising calm. Very little anxiety. ........
............we will come through this just fine.
Napping is a wonderful thing! I woke up around 8:30 (at least an hour later than I used to sleep), ate a quick bite, took a long walk with DH, made lunch, worked on a couple of minor house projects, napped for an hour, showered and got ready to meet friends for half price burger night.

A relatively lazy day, but I feel relaxed - not a bit concerned that I didn't accomplish more. I could get used to this.

We told you so :-)

Omy

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Re: Serious "one more year" syndrome - advice appreciated
« Reply #197 on: March 17, 2020, 03:04:04 PM »
Yes you did...thank goodness!