General Discussion > Post-FIRE

Downsides of Success?

(1/5) > >>

thepuglife:
Downsides of success

I am a single mother of a disabled teenager – not a typical Mustachian, probably. I also had a very odd route to FIRE. My ex husband and I (both government employees with lower middle class salaries) bought a home that we ended up renting out. It appreciated a lot and we sold it and bought two duplexes in “up and coming” areas in the SF Bay region, one of which we lived in for several years. Fast forward 15 years – we are divorced and because my ex became discouraged during the real estate melt down, he let me buy out his interest in the properties. The buildings appreciated and the cash flow is enough for me to live  comfortably.

When I was struggling financially after the divorce, my friends were kind and supportive. Now that I no longer have to work, I have become more and more isolated. A couple of my “friends” tried to take advantage of me financially - leaning on me to lend or give them money, etc. Even my family members are behaving badly – refusing to pay back loans. My parents have suddenly adopted an unaffordable and extravagant lifestyle and it is obvious they expect me to support them if /when they run out of money.

I have tried many things to make new friends: hiking meetups, volunteering, church, part time work, you name it. I feel like a unicorn and it is isolating me. One of the problems is that my lifestyle looks odd to people so it is hard to “stealth wealth” – people ask me what I “do” and I have to give a vague answer because I don’t want to tell them about my financial situation.

Any ideas around this? Sometimes I think that living in the hyper competitive social environment of the Bay Area is part of the problem. But, it would be hard to move because my son has a support system here.

Gone Fishing:
I certainly understand sticking out.  Most people just don't understand not working for (more) money. 

I had a hard ass reply for your debtors and parents typed up, but deleted it.  Draw a line, tell them about it, and don't cross it. Nobody asks me for money because they know what I'll say.

Any chance you are too vague when you tell people what you do?  I find evasive answers are sometimes interpreted as an unwillingness to engage socially.  Not sure what you say, but I would think part time property management and part time caretaker for your son would be pretty acceptable. 

Have you ever been to a mustachian meet-up?  I imagine there is a pretty good sized group in the Bay Area. 

I've been retired two years now, still haven't quite found my social niche.  I worked 10-15hrs week at a non-profit for a good bit of that, but recently cut that back as it didn't seem like the right fit.  I figure I just need one or two "weekday" social circles to fill me out (weekends are fine), so I keep looking...

Kay-Ell:
Maybe lead people to believe you did well in the divorce and it allows you to focus on caring for your son? Oddly enough, a lot of people would be more comfortable with that idea than with someone who invested wisely and is now financially independent by their own hard work.

I’m FIRED “way too early” as a single mother, so I also stick out as someone who just doesn’t make social sense. My boyfriend is older and has a very successful look (he is, in his own right, but just looking and listening to him you could imagine he sold a successful company and is wealthier than he truly is). And while we don’t live together or mix finances at all, I’ve noticed that people assume he supports me and are much less concerned about that than they are when trying to figure out how I support myself and a young child without working.

FrugalToque:

--- Quote from: thepuglife on March 09, 2018, 09:31:31 AM ---... he let me buy out his interest in the properties. The buildings appreciated and the cash flow is enough for me to live  comfortably.

Any ideas around this?

--- End quote ---

I can't be sure from how you've written this, but do you still own those buildings and rent them out?

If that's your source of cash flow for now, then you can just tell people you're a property manager or whatever.  That's pretty chill.

Toque.

thepuglife:
Thanks to everyone who responded!

Ihamo and Gone Fishing, I looked for MMM meetups near where I live and it seems like the closest one is in San Jose. That is about an hour’s drive but it might be worth it. I have thought about mentoring younger people who are interested in doing what I did – the slow frugal method towards FIRE.

Kay-Ell, I think you are right about people’s comfort level with how I got where I am. That I am a woman seems to be particularly disturbing to some . . .

Frugal Toque, yes I rent out the duplexes and live on the income. Over the years, I renovated them to the point where I almost never hear from the tenants. I visit once a week to pick up any garbage and make sure nothing weird is going on. I suppose I could say I am a property manager . . .

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page