Author Topic: Where do you find people to hang out with?  (Read 3296 times)

Stash Man

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Where do you find people to hang out with?
« on: January 12, 2020, 08:48:02 PM »
Hi there, StashMan from the bay area here. I have always wondered how early retirees find people to hang out with during the week. Ideally I 'd like to hang with people my age (early 40's) or younger with similar interests, but none of my friends are retiring any time soon. I know there're interest groups etc like meetup.com, and I've been to a few, I just find it hard to make any meaningful connections at these gatherings.

To me, social life and finding purpose in retirement are my biggest concerns. Would really appreciate if someone can share their personal experience. Thanks!

soccerluvof4

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2020, 04:13:24 AM »
Hi there, StashMan from the bay area here. I have always wondered how early retirees find people to hang out with during the week. Ideally I 'd like to hang with people my age (early 40's) or younger with similar interests, but none of my friends are retiring any time soon. I know there're interest groups etc like meetup.com, and I've been to a few, I just find it hard to make any meaningful connections at these gatherings.

To me, social life and finding purpose in retirement are my biggest concerns. Would really appreciate if someone can share their personal experience. Thanks!


Relationships as you know take time to build so the key to me is going back to the same place over and over. One example would be a gym and doing classes they offer. Think things that require repetitiveness.

BikeFanatic

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2020, 04:37:14 AM »
Do you have a Meet up App? I have met people via that they have parties and group walks, once you bond with people then you can have relationships outside the App . Also if you join a gym or club, like where I live,  Piko ball is all the rage, may find some early and  late retiree there for sure.

Sun Hat

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2020, 07:39:53 AM »
Hi Stash Man,

I'm having this challenge too. I left my friends and retired to my home town, a mid-sized city three years ago and have had a hard time making friends who have time to hang out. Most people my age (also early 40s) that I meet have jobs, spouses and / or kids. I have met others who are available during the day because they're out of work, but I find that I'm uncomfortable flaunting my comfort in front of them. My social anxiety extends to Meetup activities where you're expected to go and chat - I need an activity to do while I incidentally make friends.

What I have found useful is volunteering, adult sports and a mindfulness meditation group. Effectively, I'm casting a wide net.

I haven't found anyone FIRE yet, but I have found people who have prioritized getting out of their houses, and that'll have to do. While not a particularly time-efficient way of making friends, I am having a lovely life full of the activities that I enjoy along the way.

BECABECA

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2020, 08:47:55 AM »
I have this problem too. Our senior center would be a good resource for friends and activities during the day but it’s 55+. In 10 years when we’ve got more early retirees trickling in from the recent popularity of the FIRE movement, we should be seeing more of us around, and maybe the senior center will also include early retirees. Maybe I should be petitioning mine to pave the way for all the early retirees in my area.

Until then, find a Mustachian meetup in your area. If none of the attendees are FIRE’d yet, at least some of them will be in the near future, so they’re good friendships to cultivate. And maybe your advice and encouragement could help them speed up their timeline, win-win! Volunteering during the day on weekdays is also a good way to meet other people who are either retired or have alternative work schedules with weekdays free.

NotJen

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2020, 09:08:59 AM »
I found a great group of friends by joining a Meetup group about 10 years ago.  I don't do much with the group now, but I kept the good friends I made there.  I still hang out with these friends during the week - it's great because I'm more flexible and can meet up when they choose, instead of imposing my limits on them.

I have had several opportunities where I believe putting in a little extra effort would have gotten me people to hang out with outside of the activity - book club (got invited to other gatherings, but never went because I was busy with other people), the gym (there is a group that met through fitness classes at the gym who get together outside of class and I'm sure I could join their group if I started talking to them), local art classes.

I'm a solo runner, but there are all kinds of groups I could join if I wanted to - they often combine running with hanging out.  I have friends that get lots of social interaction in their runner's group.  Same with local hiking groups - I could find people to hike with pretty easily if I tried.

I'm hoping to start doing regular volunteer work in the next few weeks, and I assume that could be a source of new friends if I need some.

ixtap

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2020, 09:56:56 AM »
Do things you enjoy and you will start finding people with shared interests.

Get a regular, in person volunteer gig.
Take up a social hobby, like partner dancing of some kind.
Join a sports team.

sui generis

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2020, 10:40:22 AM »
I agree with the suggestion to volunteer. I've always found it hard to turn someone into a friend from a transient social experience, even if repeated regularly (i.e. a weekly dance class), but when I'm working on a shared project with others, I end up having a pathway to talk to them more and become friends while we are working on the project, then it's more natural to start connecting outside the project.

For me in FIRE, my volunteer gigs have been critical in maintaining a good amount of social interaction and feeling like I have continuity with people, as opposed to transient interactions.

cloud72

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2020, 01:39:25 PM »
I don't think you can find anyone to hang out on the week days but you can join some community group during weekend to keep the social connections.

John Galt incarnate!

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2020, 02:25:34 PM »
Hi there, StashMan from the bay area here. I have always wondered how early retirees find people to hang out with during the week. Ideally I 'd like to hang with people my age (early 40's) or younger with similar interests, but none of my friends are retiring any time soon. I know there're interest groups etc like meetup.com, and I've been to a few, I just find it hard to make any meaningful connections at these gatherings.

To me, social life and finding purpose in retirement are my biggest concerns. Would really appreciate if someone can share their personal experience. Thanks!

Most of my  friends (my contemporaries) aren't FIREd so their time  is taken and structured.

As a FIREee I dislike structured time/schedules   which makes it even more challenging for me to arrange a schedule that meshes with their  free time.

I'm a hybrid: I enjoy solitude AND being with friends.

SO is the same and she also likes being alone with her 3 cats, her "children."

So what  I did was very deliberately cultivate a cohort  of older friends and a cohort of very old friends.

Each  has plenty of free time so when we get together we have a mutual teaching-learning experience and lots of fun that is always satisfying for all of us.


























« Last Edit: January 13, 2020, 02:39:05 PM by John Galt incarnate! »

spartana

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2020, 02:53:32 PM »
I have this problem too. Our senior center would be a good resource for friends and activities during the day but it’s 55+. In 10 years when we’ve got more early retirees trickling in from the recent popularity of the FIRE movement, we should be seeing more of us around, and maybe the senior center will also include early retirees. Maybe I should be petitioning mine to pave the way for all the early retirees in my area.

Until then, find a Mustachian meetup in your area. If none of the attendees are FIRE’d yet, at least some of them will be in the near future, so they’re good friendships to cultivate. And maybe your advice and encouragement could help them speed up their timeline, win-win! Volunteering during the day on weekdays is also a good way to meet other people who are either retired or have alternative work schedules with weekdays free.
You should check out all the meet up groups in and around OC and LA. Tons of activities during week days at all different times. https://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ca/huntington_beach/

I'm sure others who live in larger urban or suburban areas have similar things near them.

BECABECA

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2020, 09:25:12 AM »
I have this problem too. Our senior center would be a good resource for friends and activities during the day but it’s 55+. In 10 years when we’ve got more early retirees trickling in from the recent popularity of the FIRE movement, we should be seeing more of us around, and maybe the senior center will also include early retirees. Maybe I should be petitioning mine to pave the way for all the early retirees in my area.

Until then, find a Mustachian meetup in your area. If none of the attendees are FIRE’d yet, at least some of them will be in the near future, so they’re good friendships to cultivate. And maybe your advice and encouragement could help them speed up their timeline, win-win! Volunteering during the day on weekdays is also a good way to meet other people who are either retired or have alternative work schedules with weekdays free.
You should check out all the meet up groups in and around OC and LA. Tons of activities during week days at all different times. https://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ca/huntington_beach/

I'm sure others who live in larger urban or suburban areas have similar things near them.

Thanks for the reminder, I’d tried meetups when I first moved here but hadn’t had much luck from them. I just checked through the upcoming events of about 30 different local meetup groups and finally found one that has one during the day on a weekday. So I’ll try out that one next week. It’s yoga on the beach, I don’t do yoga but I guess I’ll be learning!

firefamily

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2020, 09:35:53 AM »
This is really not as big of a problem as we thought it would be.

Since FIREing in 2017 in our early 40s, we find that the age of those we hang out with is much less relevant than we thought it would be. We find that we connect with people of all ages, from stay at home parents in their 20s to active retirees in their 60s and 70s, and all those in between. We are learning more about people and relationships, and now feel that having things in common are far less important than we once thought (just like as a teenager I thought my future spouse should share all my hobbies and interests, and I realized later that this was really not all that important).

When we want to spend time with those our own age, we can do so during times they are available. For example, before FIREing, our Saturdays and vacation time from work were crammed with errands, home repairs and improvements and family activities that couldn't be fit in any other times, so there was little time for friends of any age. Now we get most errands, home repairs, etc, done during the time we would have been working, and our Saturdays, holidays, etc, are now much more open for spending time with whoever we choose.

firefamily

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2020, 09:37:56 AM »
Places we meet new people since FIREing:
-church
-meetup groups for hobbies we do
-community events and activities (pickleball, paddleboarding and mushroom forays for my husband, community service and singing for me)
-our childrens' activities (we have 4 school aged children)

Ricochet

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Re: Where do you find people to hang out with?
« Reply #14 on: January 15, 2020, 12:50:31 PM »
Happy Hours. Get there early to be able to grab a seat at the bar and actually talk to the staff and others before the office stampede over runs the place.