Ugh... I thought I had replied, but evidently I must have hit preview and closed down the tab.
First off, thank you everyone for your replies.
Medication: Within the past year I have started taking an OTC medication that has helped a lot more then anything else I have tried doing in the last eight years. It's not perfect, and I really aught to go to the doctor to get an actual antidepressant. The only reason I haven't is because I hate going to doctors (I have no good reason for why I feel this way, but I have my whole life). I realize this is a very stupid reason not to do it, and will be looking for a doctor near me this week. From talking to my mom last night, it sounds like a slightly unexpected side benefit to a lot of prescription antidepressants is that they have some unpleasant feeling withdrawal symptoms. That should act as a very good reminder to take my meds whenever I forget, which tends to happen after going a week or so feeling ok.
Meditation: I have not tried meditation, but am definitely not opposed to trying it. I really know nothing about it, so I will need to do some research. If any of you have any good resources, I would appreciate the recommendations.
Exercise: My exercise habits aren't currently the best. During the the weekends I am building a house, which is good exercise, but I have no structured routine for the rest of the week, or for when I'm done building the house for that mater. I will be fixing this habit starting today.
Therapy: I am not in therapy. I have been reluctant to consider it in part because of the cost, because I'm cynical and suspect it wouldn't help, and because the above mentioned dislike of going to any kind of doctor. I do realize that these aren't great reasons, and I may give this a try. I do want to try better medication and fixing some habits first.
As far as why work is a distraction for me, I am not totally sure. I don't think its solely social interaction, because some of my best days at work I get left alone to do my job in peace. I think it's more knowing that someone else is depending on me, so I can't afford to fail. In the past when I was suicidal, I held on because I wasn't willing to hurt my friends and family, so that would be consistent. I guess that could mean getting involved in a group activity or cause where I feel needed could act as an effective substitute for a job. That is an interesting idea that I haven't considered before. I will need to think about this. The only downside to this is I am painfully introverted and shy, so meeting groups of new people is like torture, but less fun. Still, if that would work, it would be worth it for sure.
@PeteD01 and
@Sun Hat, thank you both for the book recomendations, I will see if I can get them through any of my libraries.
Thank you everyone again for your replies, it's given me something to think about.