Building up a network of friends after FIRE

[Linea_Norway]

Hi.

When FIREd my DH and I would like to do some travelling (like cycling through Europe) and maybe live for a while in a new part of the country. Eventually my plan is to settle somewhere in a relatively cheap part of the country where there are many of our favorite activities to do in the vicinity.

We have been thinking about how hard it will be to build up a new network of friends in a new area. I guess we would have to start by joining clubs or doing voluntary work to meet others. And of course we would be in a different situation than most other people, being the ones that don't work.

What is the best way to do this? And what are your experiences?

Linda

[Salim]

I'm a bit shy, so I went the route of joining clubs that support my interests: a book club, art guild, Bananagrams group, and a trail riding club. I'm still doing consulting work, so the four clubs ended up being too busy for me and I left the book club (which was 12 too many deadlines!). None of the activities I joined is expensive, except for owning and keeping a horse (which replaces my vacation for the rest of my life :-).

A group centered around a game can be a relatively low stress way to start a club, whether it's cards or chess or Bananagrams. There's usually a social 30-60 minutes before play begins. It's nice to rotate houses. The host could supply the refreshments, everyone could make a donation, or it could be a rotating committee.

A few clubs, enjoyable marriage, and a pleasant environment seem pretty good to me. Even if making close friends in the club(s) is slow, you'll still have companionship and some intellectual stimulation. I hope you find some fun things to do.

[CowboyAndIndian]

Great post by FIRE_at_45 on making friends.  Maybe this will help?

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/%27i-was-in-the-pool!-i-was-in-the-pool!%27-shrinkage-is-real/msg1345887/#msg1345887

[Gunny]

We FIREd in August 2015 and moved to a small town in Alabama near a huge lake.  We joined book clubs, outdoors clubs, and the local Arts Counsel.  Meetup.com is a great place to find clubs that cater to your interests.  We also lived in South America for a few months.  We love to travel.  Good luck.

[davisgang90]

I'm interested in this thread since my wife and I will retire from the Navy and then immediately move to a new location for retirement.

I'm planning on part time work and to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity and such, plus will transfer my American Legion membership to the area, so I'm hoping those will help with meeting new folks.

[Retire-Canada]

What is the best way to do this? And what are your experiences?

We moved to a notoriously challenging area to get socially connected back 2010. It was definitely harder than any previous place I've lived to make some friends. We ended up having success through our sporting activities. We joined clubs where they existed and actually started a mountain bike club from scratch, which was surprisingly easy to do with Facebook.

[Linea_Norway]

What is the best way to do this? And what are your experiences?

We moved to a notoriously challenging area to get socially connected back 2010. It was definitely harder than any previous place I've lived to make some friends. We ended up having success through our sporting activities. We joined clubs where they existed and actually started a mountain bike club from scratch, which was surprisingly easy to do with Facebook.

This sounds like a good plan. We currently also have a lot of contacts through 2 sports clubs that we join(ed).

I am currently working on becoming a mushroom expert. I could imagine organizing guided picking tours, which are currently popular. We also brew beer and could give course in brewing. Or even start the occasional café, but that last thing is probably bounded by too many rules.

One of the challenges is that we are foreigners. If we would move to another part of the country (outside Oslo region) where everyone speaks exactly the same dialect, we would even more obviously not be "one of them". And then being (semi) retired as well...
But especially in small places, there are lots of yearly events, like bazaars, theatre, sports events, etc and I guess it would help to volunteer at those events. Everybody appreciates volunteers.

[CowboyAndIndian]

...
One of the challenges is that we are foreigners. If we would move to another part of the country (outside Oslo region) where everyone speaks exactly the same dialect, we would even more obviously not be "one of them". And then being (semi) retired as well...
...

I am facing similar issues. I am of Indian origin, but have live most of my  adult life in the US.  I will plan to move from the North east US (New Jersey) to St. Pete in Florida. The NE is very cosmopolitan and I do not feel I stand out. Wondering how it will be in Florida. I do believe that St. Pete is very open minded, but will need to live there for a year or so to make a determination.

Thankfully, American English is pretty similar except for some minor accent and terminology.

[Retire-Canada]

What made the effort worthwhile for us was the fact we really really liked the place we moved to and it has characteristics [geography, climate, economy] that we couldn't replicate anywhere else in Canada so that really helped motivate us to find a way to make it work. Neither of us wanted to move anywhere else in Canada and we didn't agree on anywhere to move outside of Canada so we worked hard to figure out the situation.

So if you anticipate challenges where you are considering moving to make sure you have a solid set of reasons to be there that would be enough reason to deal with the challenges compared to your other options for places to live.

[soccerluvof4]

I'm not going to lie this has been the hardest part/thing for me. My days are pretty busy between exercise, cooking chores etc... and nights chasing kids or needing time to chill. I find myself bitching I would like to do more with friends like dinner once every two weeks or something but then someone asks and we always say no coz were tired..

[Gone Fishing]

I've deepened some of the relationships at my volunteering gig, but other than that, I'd say I am still lacking in the new friend department.  Weekends are still filled with all the great old friends of my working days, but week days still lack people to go hunting, fishing, hiking, or biking with.  Still need to work on those...

[gerardc]

Some people are meant to live and die alone. You just feel better, more recharged when you're alone. Admit it, this is what you want, so stop trying to change to fit the mold of what society thinks it takes to be happy.

[Mtngrl]

We retired almost three years ago to a rural area. We are both somewhat introverts (me more so than DH) We are in our 50s, so not 'young' retirees. We started out slow -- walking our dogs every day in the neighborhood. We met the other dog walkers and have become good friends with two other couples -- have visited back and forth at their houses and my husband has gone shooting with one of the guys and helped another with a project at his house. Next we volunteered with a local group that does home repairs for seniors -- met more people. Then we volunteered with a local trail group. When one of our closest neighbors died, we pitched in to help his widow and met more people in the neighborhood. The process has been gradual but we were talking the other day and realized we have more good friends now than we have anywhere we have lived.

We have also been making an effort to stay closer to older friends. Right now we are on a month-long camping trip that started with a family reunion and ends with a family wedding -- in between we have made detours to visit with two long-time good friends. We went for years not seeing these folks and only exchanging the occasional birthday text or Christmas card, but ER has given us the time to make personal visits and stay in better touch.

[Linea_Norway]

We retired almost three years ago to a rural area. We are both somewhat introverts (me more so than DH) We are in our 50s, so not 'young' retirees. We started out slow -- walking our dogs every day in the neighborhood. We met the other dog walkers and have become good friends with two other couples -- have visited back and forth at their houses and my husband has gone shooting with one of the guys and helped another with a project at his house. Next we volunteered with a local group that does home repairs for seniors -- met more people. Then we volunteered with a local trail group. When one of our closest neighbors died, we pitched in to help his widow and met more people in the neighborhood. The process has been gradual but we were talking the other day and realized we have more good friends now than we have anywhere we have lived.

We have also been making an effort to stay closer to older friends. Right now we are on a month-long camping trip that started with a family reunion and ends with a family wedding -- in between we have made detours to visit with two long-time good friends. We went for years not seeing these folks and only exchanging the occasional birthday text or Christmas card, but ER has given us the time to make personal visits and stay in better touch.

This sounds really good, doing some usefull things for other people and meeting new people at the same time.

Yes, it would be great to have more time for visiting friends.  We have some old friends living in another country and we only see them on facebook and at their wedding. And friends who live around only have time to meet very occasionally, like we do.

[R62]

We retired 50 miles from Big City to a Small Town about 15 months ago.  Most of the people I have met here have come through:

1.  Classes
2.  Volunteer Work
3.  Friends of friends, and long lost acquaintances, from my old life (it's a Small World).

DH has joined a couple of local clubs.