Author Topic: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?  (Read 4107 times)

Ladychips

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How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« on: September 24, 2024, 10:04:40 PM »
I had a conversation today with a friend about upcoming and recent weddings of people we know (young people in our families mostly). I was bemoaning destination weddings because they are so expensive for everyone. Then the conversation moved to wedding venues, and I asked if [child of mutual friend] would get married in (family specific) church. My friend laughed and asked me when was the last time I attended a wedding in a church. I couldn't remember!!! I live in a religious part of the country, so I'm shocked by this.

I'm curious about the experiences of you all. Anyone attended a church wedding recently?

couponvan

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2024, 10:45:49 PM »
Crickets. No.

Freedomin5

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2024, 12:23:11 AM »
Yes, last year.


We don't know very many single people of marrying age anymore (we know a lot of single people, but they're mostly still kids), and most of the adults we know are already married, but those who do get married tend to do so in a church. That being said, we are active in our church community, and most of the people we know are from church, so that may influence our acquaintances' decision to get married in a church.

shelivesthedream

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2024, 04:29:13 AM »
I think every wedding I have ever attended has been in a church. I honestly can't think of one that wasn't. I am 33, and my peers have got married in the last seven years or so.

Actually, one cousin got married in Cyprus but we weren't invited - only immediate family and a few friends. They had a reception in England that I was invited to but couldn't go to for some reason. So OK, only a 90% hit rate on church weddings!
« Last Edit: September 25, 2024, 04:32:25 AM by shelivesthedream »

Morning Glory

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2024, 04:59:04 AM »
Probably ten years for me. I'ts much more convenient for guests if the wedding and reception are at the same place.  I think the last church wedding I attended had a church basement reception as well.

Just Joe

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2024, 05:27:24 AM »
10+ years. All the weddings we've attended have been, now that I think of it, in converted farm venues. All very nice though.

The last church wedding that we've attended was a GenX couple we knew once upon a time about 20 years ago. And before that our own wedding 25+ years ago.

Admittedly we mostly attend weddings within our family as our friends are all older and settled down.

Dave1442397

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2024, 05:54:59 AM »
I skipped the church part of the last wedding we went to (2022) and will skip the church part again for the next one (early 2025). The last time we actually attended the church ceremony was in 2014.

Most of the couples I know who got married in a church did so in large part because their parents expected it. I see that traditional approach to marriage dying off along with that generation (Boomers, mostly). My parents are very religious, but even they have changed their expectations and views in the past ten years or so. My mother has also stopped talking to me about religion in general, which is good. I never bothered arguing with her, so it was more an annoyance than anything.

We've told our daughter that she can get married (or not) anywhere she likes. She's definitely into going cheap (but nice), whatever she does.

TheFrenchCat

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #7 on: September 25, 2024, 06:24:24 AM »
We don't go to a ton of weddings, though there were three in the last year and a half.  One was at a venue for DH's friend and two were at churches in DH's family.  But our family is pretty Catholic and most of them attend church regularly, so it makes more sense for them, and I don't think their parents pushed them into it.  Most of the other weddings we've been to were at the venue, but they were mostly presided over by the couple's faith leader.

I don't mind either way, but to me having it at a random venue feels weird.  But I got married in my childhood church, so it's been special to me my whole life.  I wouldn't have wanted the ceremony at a country club that had no meaning to me before finding it for the wedding.  Though, I do like the idea of having the reception at the venue.  If our church had a large enough space for a reception, we would've done that.  We have been to a couple weddings at their family's farm, and that was really nice, and to me, didn't feel as random.  I suppose that's a bit of a high bar to have a place that's both special to you and good for a wedding.

NotJen

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #8 on: September 25, 2024, 06:33:44 AM »
2004.  20 years ago!  Ha!

It was the only church wedding I've been to, besides my own (wait, was it?  I had two friends same-age friends who got married before me, and now I'm thinking theirs might have been in churches - which means every church wedding I've been to was for someone born in 1980.) 

To be fair, I don't have many friends and don't get invited to many weddings.  And I know very few people who attend church regularly.  (I am also not religious, but married a Catholic.)

Raenia

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2024, 06:45:22 AM »
I've got one coming up in October.

Previous to that, the last couple I've been to have been either outdoor or secular ceremonies. Seems to be partly generational - the one coming up is people of my parent's generation. All the recent weddings of people my age (30's) have been non-religious ceremonies. The last church wedding for my generation was probably my cousin at least ten years ago.

Wait no, that's not entirely true - we attended a Jewish wedding a few years ago for a friend of DH. So not "church" per se, but still a religious ceremony.

Louise

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2024, 07:45:21 AM »
We attended one last year. It is a bit inconvenient when you have to travel to the reception part of it, so I can see why people have them in the same locations. I've been to some where they are at a wedding venue (like a restored barn, orchard, etc.) and the clergy officiating travels to the wedding.

 

GilesMM

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2024, 07:45:59 AM »
Religion is dying in the US so fewer people have a church to turn to when it is time to get have a marriage ceremony.  Nearly half of first marriages end in divorce these days as, apparently, people don't take their vows seriously.

FIRE@50

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2024, 08:05:37 AM »
I think the last wedding that I went to at a church was probably about 16 years ago.

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2024, 08:08:46 AM »
I honestly can't remember, but definitely 20+ years ago. Two of my high school friends got married in their early 20s in a church. I think those are the only two I've ever been to in a church.

sonofsven

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2024, 08:09:38 AM »
34 years ago, my sister was married in a church.
None of my peers were married in a church.
I was married on a wild riverbank in a swimsuit.

Poundwise

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2024, 08:23:59 AM »
The question is a good one! I probably haven't been to a church wedding in some years, although just a few months ago I was at a wedding where the pastor officiated at a venue. Have been to lots of funerals and memorials at places of worship, though.

Religion is dying in the US so fewer people have a church to turn to when it is time to get have a marriage ceremony.  Nearly half of first marriages end in divorce these days as, apparently, people don't take their vows seriously.

Divorce has actually been going down. Seems like higher socioeconomic status (how much money you have and whether you went to college) buffers people from divorce. You're more likely to get married at all, the richer you are.
https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/

Tasse

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #16 on: September 25, 2024, 08:25:50 AM »
2007? To be fair, I missed some church weddings among cousins in 2011 and 2017 due to living far away.

Otherwise:

2013 - museum wedding, religious
2016 - country club wedding, non religious
2022 - brewery wedding, non religious (officiated by a drag queen in wizard garb, it was memorable!)
2022 - outdoor wedding/barn reception, religious (officiated by a preacher, prayer before dinner, etc)
2022 - outdoor wedding/barn reception, non religious
2023 - outdoor wedding/restaurant reception, barely religious (mine)
2025 - vineyard wedding
2025 - national park wedding

ETA: I forgot, I also attended a Hindu wedding in India in 2018. That was not in a church (obviously) but had religious elements. Memorably, when the groom was asked what certain rituals meant, he shrugged and said it was just to keep the aunties happy.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2024, 08:28:36 AM by Tasse »

GuitarStv

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2024, 08:28:36 AM »
About half of the weddings I've been to have been in a church/place of worship, and all but one have been officiated by a religious person of some sort or other.  And I don't have particularly religious friends.

Loren Ver

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2024, 09:37:27 AM »
Four years ago.  Religious, old small church, then we walked (or drove) to restaurant that had the reception area.  It was really nice.

I don't go to a ton of weddings, but I'd say, it runs mostly church religious.  This is family, family friends, and college friends so all kinds of people.  Family has all been in churches.  College friends are most likely to have non-church weddings, two were in event spaces and one had a Catholic wedding. 

At my church - a larger congregation - we have quite a few weddings during the year.  People like church weddings, especially members. 

partgypsy

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #19 on: September 25, 2024, 09:40:11 AM »
This is a good question like 20 years ago when cousins etc getting married, all church weddings.a few synagogue weddings. Last wedding I went to was in a meeting center. But the location was used as a Buddhist center, so for my Buddhist friend who was getting married, it was a spiritual place. But no other than that, non church weddings. However 90% of funerals attended last 5 years involved a place of worship (church or synagogue).

Villanelle

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #20 on: September 25, 2024, 09:56:22 AM »
I'm my lifetime, I'd estimate about 10% of weddings I've attended have been in churches. (None in other places of worship.)  It's been about 18 years since the last one, but I've only been to a few weddings since then. 

Shinplaster

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2024, 10:07:21 AM »
Not in over 50+ years.   Including our own wedding 45 years ago - civil ceremony in the chapel at City Hall.   Most of the weddings we've attended are usually in a place that can also host the reception, so have been commercial spaces.   A few have been private chapels associated with universities or some other public place.

turketron

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2024, 10:35:47 AM »
Just once, I think? A catholic ceremony like 15 years ago. The majority I've attended have been outdoors (backyards, parks, beaches) and a couple of courthouse weddings. I did attend one a few months ago in a 700-year-old Abbey in the UK but it was in the old gatehouse and the ceremony was 100% not religious, it was just a really cool and historic location.

FINate

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #23 on: September 25, 2024, 10:51:49 AM »
Well, at our life stage most of our peers are already married so we don't go to a lot of weddings.

But we do have a number of friends from our church in their 20s, so we go to maybe 1-2/year. I would say it's about 50/50 between church vs. outside venues, but I think this may be because we're in a beautiful 100+ year old building with stained glass windows, which makes it a nice location for weddings. The only downside it that it's relatively modest in size with limited parking (downtown location), so it's difficult to host larger weddings.

If you look at modern church buildings it's no wonder people generally don't have weddings there. Who wants to get married in a giant soulless warehouse? What's interesting is that many of the non-church weddings we've attended have been at beautiful old church buildings that have been repurposed as full time wedding venues.

My guess is that those in more mainline/traditional denominations (e.g. Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, etc.) are more likely to have church weddings, in part because of the beautiful buildings.

I'd rather see simple ceremonies in churches or the courthouse or similar. IMO the Wedding Industrial Complex is out of control and many of these venues charge outrageous prices.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2024, 11:01:25 AM by FINate »

Cranky

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #24 on: September 25, 2024, 11:34:10 AM »
I have been to many weddings. One was outside. Every other one was in a church.

Spiffy

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #25 on: September 25, 2024, 11:57:13 AM »
We went to a wedding this summer. Not only was the service in a church, but the reception was cake and punch in the parish hall! Delightfully old fashioned (and cheap).

wenchsenior

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #26 on: September 25, 2024, 12:27:46 PM »
Hmmm... I'd say about half the weddings I've attended in my life were in churches, and so was the last one I went to, but that was about 12 ish years ago.

No one I know is getting married in the past decade or so.

Just Joe

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #27 on: September 25, 2024, 01:49:56 PM »
Yeah, we definitely did the church wedding to please our elders. These days none of us have a connection to that church.

DW and I were feeling adventurous and would have gladly chosen something unusual (easy, cheap, casual, etc) but we were talked down by the elders on both sides. Think of the grandmothers dammit Joe!!! ;)

I guess DW and I have attended a wedding in recent times. We hiked up to a beautiful overlook and someone was getting married. Looked like a fun bunch of people and it was a great spot for it.

 

Michael in ABQ

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #28 on: September 25, 2024, 02:50:52 PM »
One of our employees invited our family to her wedding in a Catholic church a year or so ago - she and her husband are both in their early 20s. My older brother in his 40s finally got married about a year ago in a ceremony in the back yard of his house.

I moved about 1,000 miles away after college, so I missed basically all the weddings of any friends from college or high school. I've been to maybe 5-6 weddings in my life (including my own) so just two of them were in a church. However, I've been present in the back of a church waiting in line for confession during multiple weddings.



CNM

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #29 on: September 25, 2024, 03:13:26 PM »
I'd say many; probably 75% in church or with religious officiant and 25% with secular/no officiant.

When I got married nearly 20 years ago, the Catholic church would not officiate weddings that were not in a consecrated Catholic church. I can't imagine that has changed. Several family members of mine had a small "official" ceremony in a Catholic church followed by an outdoor ceremony/reception after.

I'm also past the prime wedding years.  Friends of mine from school who got married were probably 50/50 religious (church, synagogue, or w/ religious officiant) versus secular.

rocketpj

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #30 on: September 25, 2024, 04:01:21 PM »
10 years ago when my wife's grandmother got remarried at the tender age of 93, to a slick young 88 year old whippersnapper.  Best part is they are still married and living on their own.

We got married outdoors in a park.  I have a vague memory of going to a wedding in a church about 20 or so years ago, but last time I saw one of those people it was long after their divorse.

seattlecyclone

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #31 on: September 25, 2024, 04:10:27 PM »
I went to three family weddings this year. Two of the couples are Christian, had their ceremonies in a church, and we had to travel elsewhere in town for the receptions. The other couple is not religious and obviously didn't use a church.

Last time I went to one where the whole deal (ceremony + reception) was in a church was a college friend who got married when our older kid was a baby, so probably seven years ago.

spartana

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #32 on: September 25, 2024, 04:24:59 PM »
If it's in a Chapel but Elvis is there is that a "church" wedding?  Lol. It's been years since I 've been to a real church wedding but did go to a wedding in Vegas in one of those chapels. Cute and not tacky but sadly Elvis wasn't there.  I expected hip-shaking and booty-twerking at a Vegas wedding but it was surprisingly lovely.

Ladychips

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #33 on: September 25, 2024, 08:06:56 PM »
So many interesting replies! Thanks for sharing.

After consulting with family and wracking my brain, the last wedding I attended in a church was 2009. I can remember at least 5 attended since then at a venue.

Please continue to share.

Dicey

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #34 on: September 25, 2024, 10:55:35 PM »
Hmmm, almost three years ago. Full Catholic Mass. Still haven't received any acknowledgement for our generous gift. Yawn.

sonofsven

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #35 on: September 26, 2024, 11:35:55 AM »
If it's in a Chapel but Elvis is there is that a "church" wedding?  Lol. It's been years since I 've been to a real church wedding but did go to a wedding in Vegas in one of those chapels. Cute and not tacky but sadly Elvis wasn't there.  I expected hip-shaking and booty-twerking at a Vegas wedding but it was surprisingly lovely.

Elvis is everywhere!

https://youtu.be/5DcTY9i-fx8?si=dqpgRAw1gHcaFOIz

kenner

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #36 on: September 26, 2024, 12:22:52 PM »
Seven years, but that was basically a church-in-name-only (little New England historical church, officiants can come from whatever denomination/lack of denomination desired) and was because sibling wanted to get married in the same place our parents did in honor of parent who passed away.  Sibling did say they were very glad that <random cousin> had gotten married in a non-Catholic ceremony first, though, just so the remaining grandparents/older relatives could get over the terrible shock that there's basically no one religious left in our generation of the family.

spartana

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #37 on: September 26, 2024, 12:47:54 PM »
If it's in a Chapel but Elvis is there is that a "church" wedding?  Lol. It's been years since I 've been to a real church wedding but did go to a wedding in Vegas in one of those chapels. Cute and not tacky but sadly Elvis wasn't there.  I expected hip-shaking and booty-twerking at a Vegas wedding but it was surprisingly lovely.

Elvis is everywhere!

https://youtu.be/5DcTY9i-fx8?si=dqpgRAw1gHcaFOIz
LOL! I just googled Elvis weddings in Vegas and oh boy...

Rural

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #38 on: September 26, 2024, 01:05:54 PM »
Not since the 1980s.

Louise

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #39 on: September 27, 2024, 05:43:05 AM »
Hmmm, almost three years ago. Full Catholic Mass. Still haven't received any acknowledgement for our generous gift. Yawn.

We went to three weddings (not in a church) and never received a thank you for our generous gifts. I mean a text would have been fine with me. I still make my daughter write thank you notes and put them in the mail. At the very least she has to send a text. I think it's basic manners, but maybe people feel differently today.

Dancin'Dog

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #40 on: September 27, 2024, 06:09:43 AM »
Hmmm, almost three years ago. Full Catholic Mass. Still haven't received any acknowledgement for our generous gift. Yawn.


Same here.  It says a lot about the recipients.  Thanks for reminding me, we need to update our will!  ;)

GuitarStv

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #41 on: September 27, 2024, 07:27:14 AM »
Man, I can still feel my hand cramping up after writing out more than 100 thank you notes about a month after our wedding.

Tasse

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #42 on: September 27, 2024, 07:37:06 AM »
We got married last year and sent thank yous to anyone who participated in the wedding and anyone who gave us money. (No registry, so no non-cash gifts, and we told everyone who asked we didn't need anything.) It was a fairly small wedding so I think this was under 30 Thank Yous. We even included 1-2 photos with each card featuring the guest(s) in the candid shots of the reception.

Thank you cards are still basic wedding etiquette.

crocheted_stache

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #43 on: September 27, 2024, 08:35:35 AM »
The last wedding I attended in the US was probably six years ago. Full Catholic mass inside a church, which I endured for the sake of the friend who was getting married.

Husband grew up in Europe and his family is still there. We got married at home in California, and it was his family's first visit here and probably the only such long-distance international trip his parents will ever take. We saw the interesting places separately after the wedding.

Of his siblings who are married, one was at a beautiful, old city hall. One was outdoors. I didn't attend (mainly due to timing and distance) when SIL married her wife, but safe to say it was a secular venue and service. That leaves two siblings-in-law who  are committed but not married, if having houses and children counts as committed.

In California, I know a very-openly gay man who is happily married to his husband for about as long as the law here has accommodated that. I don't know them well enough to have been invited, but the man has since become a pastor.

I've concluded that there's not much correlation between the wedding and the resulting marriage, other than that sometimes, weddings bring out strongly differing opinions about what constitutes the "right way," which can portend ongoing strife and bitterness. I know one friend who, I suspect, divorced her mother-in-law as much as her husband. From what I knew of the wedding preparation, that dynamic was there from the very beginning. I suspect a heavy dose of tradition, if not religion per se, was partly to blame for her MIL's unbearable overreach.

Dicey

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #44 on: September 27, 2024, 10:04:49 AM »
Hmmm, almost three years ago. Full Catholic Mass. Still haven't received any acknowledgement for our generous gift. Yawn.

We went to three weddings (not in a church) and never received a thank you for our generous gifts. I mean a text would have been fine with me. I still make my daughter write thank you notes and put them in the mail. At the very least she has to send a text. I think it's basic manners, but maybe people feel differently today.
Hmmm, almost three years ago. Full Catholic Mass. Still haven't received any acknowledgement for our generous gift. Yawn.


Same here.  It says a lot about the recipients.  Thanks for reminding me, we need to update our will!  ;)
This woman is in her fifties, getting married for the first time, but she already owned a houseful of nice things. She is also way more likely to do the right thing as far as etiquette is concerned. I used to see her often and I asked her a couple of months after the wedding how the thank you cards were going. She said she was still cranking them out, a batch at a time. It never occurred to me that she may not have received our gift, even though it was from her registry. We are no longer on particularly good terms, so I may never know.

crocheted_stache

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #45 on: October 01, 2024, 08:25:28 AM »
I learned after one friend's wedding that my card had gotten separated from my gift. They put it back together because I made reference in the card to something I'd added to the gift.

Zikoris

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #46 on: October 01, 2024, 11:31:51 PM »
I'm not a great sample because I've only been to four weddings life-to-date - I think a lot of people have been to way more. Wedding #1: Mom got married in a church (20+ years ago). Wedding #2: Friends got married in a heritage hall. Wedding #3: Other friends got married in a hotel. Wedding #4: Dad got married by Elvis in Las Vegas (this was the most fun).

I think it's mostly just because we aren't religious and don't know many religious people.

iris lily

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #47 on: October 12, 2024, 05:27:04 PM »
The last wedding I attended was in a church. But I don’t attend many weddings because my social Circle does not include younger people getting married outside of relatives. And I think by now all the nieces and nephews are pretty much paired up.

pasadenafr

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Re: How long has it been since you attended a wedding in a church?
« Reply #48 on: October 12, 2024, 05:39:22 PM »
I haven't attended that many weddings as an adult, but there was only one that was in a church - and it was a full mass. That was in 1995. I attended a few as a kid (uncles and aunts) that I can't remember the setting of - but I think only one of them was religious?

Religious weddings just aren't that common in my home country for my generation and the ones after that (I'm GenX), even though the main religion is Catholicism - in which religious ceremonies are always in the church. No ceremony outside with a priest like you often see in the US.

I mean, half of my same-age friends aren't even married at all.

 

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