Wife Christmas presents...

[Zola.]

In a pickle, I have a festive writers block in terms of what to get my wife for Christmas...!

I have gotten her some spa vouchers, which will give her a day of pampering, body massage, beauty facial etc.... and also some fancy UGG fluffy slippers... not sure what else to get.  Her parents always buy her nice perfume so thats ruled out. I would like to get her a couple more nice things.

Any ideas?

We are both new parents, so I am not sure if I could get something to help her which would be useful.

[Hirondelle]

It sounds like you've already spent quite some $$ on the presents you currently have. Spa vouchers and UGG slippers don't sound all too cheap. Why do you feel the need to buy even more stuff?

[Zola.]

It is the season... haha.

She bought me a fairly expensive coffee grinder for my birthday a month or two ago, and I want to at least spend around the value of that, not blowing money wastefully, but on things she will get value from.

Just looking for some ideas :)

[Imma]

I have been wishing for a KitchenAid Heavy Duty for Christmas for years  .... But as I'm giving him a €5 secondhand CD (of his favourite artist) and homemade pyama pants that wouldn't be entirely fair :) . I just can't justify spending that amount of money on one single item even though I would use it every day for 10+ years.

[Arian]

If you can get babysitters, what about planning a day out/ meal/ night away for just the two of you?

To be honest, my husband and I don't buy each other anything for birthdays or Christmas, but we will do something like one of the above to celebrate.

[Linea_Norway]

Why not ask your wife if there is anything she wants to receive?

I wouldn't want my husband to buy me a Spa voucher, just to be able to spend some money on me. As a Mustachian I only like to receive stuff that I need, like replacement household devices and new clothes that I need.

[RetiredAt63]

Very often the giver and the recipient are on totally different pages as to the best gift ever.  When we had just bought our first house, which was a bit of a fixer upper, I wanted sanders for Christmas - yes that was plural.  You know, little hand sander for corners, bigger hand-held for larger areas.  No-one wanted to give me that, it was "too practical".  So seriously, ask your wife what she would love to have to make her life easier, and if it is something totally practical and not your idea of a "gift", give it to her anyway.  You've got the "girly"stuff taken care of.

[Roadrunner53]

Sometimes it is nice to do a special dinner at home where both of you pitch in.

Shrimp cocktail with lemon and hot cocktail sauce for appetizer.

Gorgeous salad with a great salad dressing.

Fillet mignon wrapped in bacon with a lobster tail.

Baked potato/mashed potato.

Cheesecake for dessert...if you have any room!

[OtherJen]

Does she have a hobby? Is there a tool or supply for said hobby that she would like to have but probably wouldn't buy for herself?

[Hirondelle]

It is the season... haha.

She bought me a fairly expensive coffee grinder for my birthday a month or two ago, and I want to at least spend around the value of that, not blowing money wastefully, but on things she will get value from.

Just looking for some ideas :)

Nop, you're just made to believe it's the season ;)

Do you really have to spend that $ value in this single time? Why not just stop where you're at as you're out of ideas and then also getting a nice birthday present later on? Or a surprise gift at some point throughout the year. Way more fun than a 'I had to spend $X more to make it equal so I give you this as well' (my mom's a world champion at this one).

[Dee18]

Make her a card.  Tell her how much you love her and what a great mother she is to your new baby.  It will be her favorite present. 

[MaybeBabyMustache]

Here's what I would like (mom, although kids are a little older):
-A coupon for an afternoon without childcare responsibilities
-A coupon for covering my chores on a day/weekend. This could be covering dinner prep if that's typically her chore, or lawn mowing, or whatever it is she typically does
-A card with a meaningful message, written by you
-If there's something you know she enjoys that you don't typically have time/energy for, I'd prioritize that. For example, my husband knows I love it when he polishes my boots, and/or makes a batch of pomegranate martinis. That would be quite special
-There is an amazing cupcake shop,  but it's a 25 minute drive, so we never have cupcakes from there. Maybe 1-2/year, my husband will make the effort to go there

[trollwithamustache]

New parents? poke around the topic of the date that she would be comfortable leaving the wee one with her parents (or whoever the most trustworthy relative is) overnight. Aim to book a weekend away for the two of you and tell her thats all you want for Christmas.  chicks dig that whole time together thing.

[radram]

Wife and I decided not to exchange gifts about 20 years ago.

BEST GIFT EVER.

We still go out for a nice meal every year, so if you want, I guess you could call this a "gift".

[AccidentalMiser]

Why not ask your wife if there is anything she wants to receive?

I wouldn't want my husband to buy me a Spa voucher, just to be able to spend some money on me. As a Mustachian I only like to receive stuff that I need, like replacement household devices and new clothes that I need.

This is what I did.  She wanted a non-black purse.  We went and picked out a non-black purse.  Done.

[GuitarStv]

Make her a card.  Tell her how much you love her and what a great mother she is to your new baby.  It will be her favorite present.

Bonus points for macaroni and glitter.

[I'm a red panda]

Wife and I decided not to exchange gifts about 20 years ago.

BEST GIFT EVER.

We still go out for a nice meal every year, so if you want, I guess you could call this a "gift".

Agree

The things in the OP represent an astonishing amount of money. I assume they must have separate finances if he is trying to equal the amount spent on his birthday gift, but this seems to be giving just for the sake of adding up a dollar amount. Think of how that money could work for them if not buying stuff. House upgrades, vacation, early retirement.  Especially if they have shared finances, gifts become one person spending both people's money trying to guess what is desired. I'm so glad we don't exchange gifts, though with so many sales our spending goes up a bit around the holidays as we buy some things we've been wanting.

But to attempt to answer the question, what about a Fabfitfun subscription? That's something to look forward to all year long, and fun splurges.

[oldmannickels]

I got my wife toothbrush heads.

[Blueberries]

If you can get babysitters, what about planning a day out/ meal/ night away for just the two of you?

To be honest, my husband and I don't buy each other anything for birthdays or Christmas, but we will do something like one of the above to celebrate.

This.

Wife and I decided not to exchange gifts about 20 years ago.

BEST GIFT EVER.

We still go out for a nice meal every year, so if you want, I guess you could call this a "gift".

This.

Make her a card.  Tell her how much you love her and what a great mother she is to your new baby.  It will be her favorite present.

This.

[Bracken_Joy]

Might not be a great forum to ask, haha. My husband and I don't give each other gifts for holidays. If one of us really wants something, we generally get it. Whatever the time of the year. *shrugs*

[Free Spirit]

I see you're in the UK. If you have one near you could continue with the pampering theme and grab a nice gift hamper from Hotel Chocolat. They even have some that come with a small bottle of bubbly. My husband and I don't exchange gifts but I will never turn down a box of chocolates. :)

[Aelias]

Make her a card.  Tell her how much you love her and what a great mother she is to your new baby.  It will be her favorite present.

THISSSSSSS.  A heartfelt, handwritten love letter. She will treasure it.

Or, if you have a really nice picture of her with the baby, MAYBE spring for a nice framed print.  But only if, for some reason, you cannot extinguish this inexplicable urge you have to spend more money.

[Just Joe]

Might not be a great forum to ask, haha. My husband and I don't give each other gifts for holidays. If one of us really wants something, we generally get it. Whatever the time of the year. *shrugs*

Same. There might be coffees or chocolates or other small treats exchanged in a XMas stocking but we don't do the traditional big gifts thing anymore.

[Roadrunner53]

How about the gift of Time Off. Give her an envelope full of money. Ideas for that money:

1. Tell her to spend the day shopping, beauty salon, get her nails done, buy some new clothing, purse or small appliance she has been wanting.

2. Or if she likes to cook, buy a gift certificate to a local culinary institute for a one day cooking class.

3. Or tell her to go to the craft store if she likes to do that stuff and pick up some new supplies.

4. Tell her to go out to lunch with a friend or her mother to enjoy a gourmet lunch somewhere.

5. Buy a gift certificate at her favorite store, set a date she goes there.

You of course will be the stay at home babysitter while she goes out and enjoys herself.

[GuitarStv]

How about the gift of Time Off. Give her an envelope full of money. Ideas for that money:

1. Tell her to spend the day shopping, beauty salon, get her nails done, buy some new clothing, purse or small appliance she has been wanting.

I don't get this one at all.

- If your wife needs to buy something . . . shouldn't she be able to just go out and get it?  No reason to wait until Christmas.
- If this is for something that she doesn't need . . . then why are you giving her money for it?

It kinda seems like there's a presupposition that buying shit makes people happy, and that going shopping is something enjoyable.  :P

[RetiredAt63]

How about the gift of Time Off. Give her an envelope full of money. Ideas for that money:

1. Tell her to spend the day shopping, beauty salon, get her nails done, buy some new clothing, purse or small appliance she has been wanting.

I don't get this one at all.

- If your wife needs to buy something . . . shouldn't she be able to just go out and get it?  No reason to wait until Christmas.
- If this is for something that she doesn't need . . . then why are you giving her money for it?

It kinda seems like there's a presupposition that buying shit makes people happy, and that going shopping is something enjoyable.  :P

The key is  the last line:
You of course will be the stay at home babysitter parent while she goes out and enjoys herself.

She doesn't need to go out and spend money, this gives her some "me" time while her husband is being Daddy (not babysitting, you can't babysit your own kid).  Cute/pretty coupons for Daddy time would be a fun and appreciated gift.

[I'm a red panda]

How about the gift of Time Off. Give her an envelope full of money. Ideas for that money:

1. Tell her to spend the day shopping, beauty salon, get her nails done, buy some new clothing, purse or small appliance she has been wanting.

I don't get this one at all.

- If your wife needs to buy something . . . shouldn't she be able to just go out and get it?  No reason to wait until Christmas.
- If this is for something that she doesn't need . . . then why are you giving her money for it?

It kinda seems like there's a presupposition that buying shit makes people happy, and that going shopping is something enjoyable.  :P

The key is  the last line:
You of course will be the stay at home babysitter parent while she goes out and enjoys herself.

She doesn't need to go out and spend money, this gives her some "me" time while her husband is being Daddy (not babysitting, you can't babysit your own kid).  Cute/pretty coupons for Daddy time would be a fun and appreciated gift.

I think you are right, as far as the suggestion goes- but it kind of presumes that the Dad is worthless for childcare on a regular basis. (Especially since the word babysitting was used.) 

If a Mom needs 'time off' that tells me Dad isn't doing his fair share on a regular basis...
It's not really a gift.  It's a very old fashioned notion of division of labor. But it might be how OP works (in which case if the decision was "Mom is primary caregiver" than maybe he is doing his fair share, based on their decisions, even if not to my outside eyes), so maybe it's a good suggestion. 

[I'm a red panda]

How about the gift of Time Off. Give her an envelope full of money. Ideas for that money:

1. Tell her to spend the day shopping, beauty salon, get her nails done, buy some new clothing, purse or small appliance she has been wanting.

I don't get this one at all.

- If your wife needs to buy something . . . shouldn't she be able to just go out and get it?  No reason to wait until Christmas.
- If this is for something that she doesn't need . . . then why are you giving her money for it?

It kinda seems like there's a presupposition that buying shit makes people happy, and that going shopping is something enjoyable.  :P

I assume people who say things like this have split finances.

If my husband gave me an envelope of money, i'd be like WTF? That's not a gift, that's my money too.

[OurTown]

A few years ago, we gave each other charitable contributions (in the other spouse's name) to worthy causes. 

[Chris22]

I think you are right, as far as the suggestion goes- but it kind of presumes that the Dad is worthless for childcare on a regular basis. (Especially since the word babysitting was used.) 

If a Mom needs 'time off' that tells me Dad isn't doing his fair share on a regular basis...
It's not really a gift.  It's a very old fashioned notion of division of labor. But it might be how OP works (in which case if the decision was "Mom is primary caregiver" than maybe he is doing his fair share, based on their decisions, even if not to my outside eyes), so maybe it's a good suggestion.

Maybe maybe not.  We try to split childcare somewhat equally, even though it turns out to be 60/40 or 65/35 in favor of my wife doing more, simply due to work schedules.  But the real key is weekend time tends to be precious; our kids are young enough that one of them basically needs to be watched all of the time (vs the older one who can run off to a friend's house for several hours and it's NBD) so if one spouse leaves, the other is basically on the hook to only watch the kid in their absence.  So if my wife takes off on Saturday AM, that means I can't really, say, mow the lawn or work in the garage until she returns.  So yeah, time away with no family obligation can be a big gift for one spouse or the other, and it can be as simple as time to run errands alone without dealing with kid in/out of the car seat, etc etc. 

[RetiredAt63]

If a Mom needs 'time off' that tells me Dad isn't doing his fair share on a regular basis...
It's not really a gift.  It's a very old fashioned notion of division of labor. But it might be how OP works (in which case if the decision was "Mom is primary caregiver" than maybe he is doing his fair share, based on their decisions, even if not to my outside eyes), so maybe it's a good suggestion.

Depending on how young the baby is, Mom may indeed be doing almost all the parenting - she is on maternity leave (I sure hope she isn't working with a tiny baby).  But yes, generally speaking, Dads need to step up to the plate, they can burp and change diapers and take baby for walks and basically anything that does not require functioning mammary glands.  And even if he is 9-5 and she is SAHM at the moment, he is off 5-9 plus weekends, and she is on 24/7 - so Dad needs to be ready to do his share.  And even if they are traditional, you do not babysit your own child.  Baby sitting is a paid job.   Calling it baby-sitting detaches him from his role as father.

Time coupons are fun though, because she can say, "I am cashing in that coupon for Saturday afternoon, you and baby have fun while I am gone."

[Dicey]

DH and I don't really exchange gifts, but this year is different. I just got a brand-new, shiny dishwasher. He even installed it for "me". Yippee!!

Why does all our kitchen shit decide to break in the middle of December?

[Roadrunner53]

Didn't know babysitting was a considered only a paid gig. I considered it interchangeable and in the same category as: look after, watch, take care of.

[RetiredAt63]

Didn't know babysitting was a considered only a paid gig. I considered it interchangeable and in the same category as: look after, watch, take care of.

Well, we are getting a little OT here, but . . . . if you think the mother is doing child care for her child, then shouldn't we use the same term for the father?  Baby-sitting might be "paid" in terms of barter (you watch my Johnny this afternoon after school, I'll watch your Susie tomorrow) but it isn't something you do for your own child.  Would you talk about a mother babysitting her baby?  Sounds odd, eh?

[Roadrunner53]

Okay, made your point. Let's move on.

[RetiredAt63]

Okay, made your point. Let's move on.

I am guessing that was at me - and I did say it was OT.  And the person saying babysitting was not the OP. 

@Zola., has the collective mind given you any ideas or insight re any further gifts?

[PDXTabs]

My spouse is very good at telling me what she wants, have you tried asking?

With that said I (as a man) am always happy to receive a massage gift certificate.

[I'm a red panda]

My spouse is very good at telling me what she wants, have you tried asking?

With that said I (as a man) am always happy to receive a massage gift certificate.

Agree on both counts here (though I'm a woman) -but OP already got her the spa gift certificates. He wants to buy even more things.

[galliver]

How is she doing on soft, comfy, pretty PJs/loungewear/etc? I have heard childbirth and nursing (if applicable) make a body sensitive. And possibly...unfamiliar?

If you do want to do some acts of service instead, look for/think of things she used to be meticulous about, but has let slide during/after her pregnancy. Chances are, it's bothering her, but she doesn't have the energy to Deal With It.

But acts of service aren't the same as gifts, and I think it's understandable to want to pamper a loved one that did something big for you. 

[Poundwise]

My spouse is very good at telling me what she wants, have you tried asking?

Exactly!  What a wise man is @PDXTabs.  Surprises are overrated.

A common mistake that gift givers make is to think of the pleasure THEY will get when they GIVE the present, rather than the pleasure the recipient will get in HAVING the present.  So surprises are more fun for the gift giver, but anticipation and ownership of something really wanted, are more fun for the recipient.

But for an exception, see below.

I don't get this one at all.

- If your wife needs to buy something . . . shouldn't she be able to just go out and get it?  No reason to wait until Christmas.
- If this is for something that she doesn't need . . . then why are you giving her money for it?

It kinda seems like there's a presupposition that buying shit makes people happy, and that going shopping is something enjoyable.  :P

Well, sometimes people need "permission" to spend on themselves. Those people are the hardest to shop for since you will ask them what they want (they'll say something on the lines of "nothing but your happiness" or ask for something hopelessly practical, like socks).  In that case, yes, it can be hard to find a gift.  Being that kind of person sometimes, my advice would be to get such a person a very good quality but expensive tool that will make easy or quick some work that they do commonly. 

[better late]

I was introduced to the 5 love languages at some point in my marriage and it has helped me consider that other members of my family have really different ways to express love and to feel loved. If the OP’s wife perceives that gifts are a true expression of love, well, I wouldn’t fight that. Considering the coffee grinder birthday gift perhaps it is. Or maybe it’s the OP who expresses their love through gifts.

[GuitarStv]

I don't get this one at all.

- If your wife needs to buy something . . . shouldn't she be able to just go out and get it?  No reason to wait until Christmas.
- If this is for something that she doesn't need . . . then why are you giving her money for it?

It kinda seems like there's a presupposition that buying shit makes people happy, and that going shopping is something enjoyable.  :P

Well, sometimes people need "permission" to spend on themselves. Those people are the hardest to shop for since you will ask them what they want (they'll say something on the lines of "nothing but your happiness" or ask for something hopelessly practical, like socks).  In that case, yes, it can be hard to find a gift.  Being that kind of person sometimes, my advice would be to get such a person a very good quality but expensive tool that will make easy or quick some work that they do commonly.

That's me!  I have more than everything I need to be perfectly happy and honestly don't need anything.  When people ask me for gift ideas I ask for things that I actually want (like rolls of toilet paper, toothpaste, socks, etc.) which then makes them angry.  Because, I assume, gift giving is all about the person giving the gift, not what the receiver wants.  It has taken more than a decade, but I've managed to train all of my immediate family to just not buy shit for me anymore.  Still working on the inlaws. . .

[Zola.]

How is she doing on soft, comfy, pretty PJs/loungewear/etc? I have heard childbirth and nursing (if applicable) make a body sensitive. And possibly...unfamiliar?

If you do want to do some acts of service instead, look for/think of things she used to be meticulous about, but has let slide during/after her pregnancy. Chances are, it's bothering her, but she doesn't have the energy to Deal With It.

But acts of service aren't the same as gifts, and I think it's understandable to want to pamper a loved one that did something big for you.

Thank you - you are on my wavelength especially your last point.

I will look into some really nice PJ's actually, thats a great shout, thanks. I got her a lovely soft gown a few years ago, PJ's would be a nice addition.

[Linea_Norway]

That's me!  I have more than everything I need to be perfectly happy and honestly don't need anything.  When people ask me for gift ideas I ask for things that I actually want (like rolls of toilet paper, toothpaste, socks, etc.) which then makes them angry.  Because, I assume, gift giving is all about the person giving the gift, not what the receiver wants.  It has taken more than a decade, but I've managed to train all of my immediate family to just not buy shit for me anymore.  Still working on the inlaws. . .

But asking for toilet paper is not exactly a gift. Why not ask for a bottle of wine or something else that you would like to consume, but has a little hint or luxury to it.

[GuitarStv]

That's me!  I have more than everything I need to be perfectly happy and honestly don't need anything.  When people ask me for gift ideas I ask for things that I actually want (like rolls of toilet paper, toothpaste, socks, etc.) which then makes them angry.  Because, I assume, gift giving is all about the person giving the gift, not what the receiver wants.  It has taken more than a decade, but I've managed to train all of my immediate family to just not buy shit for me anymore.  Still working on the inlaws. . .

But asking for toilet paper is not exactly a gift. Why not ask for a bottle of wine or something else that you would like to consume, but has a little hint or luxury to it.

I don't like wine.  I've managed to move away from most consumables in life with a little hint of luxury.  I could ask for the more expensive 2-ply toilet paper I suppose . . .

[I'm a red panda]

That's me!  I have more than everything I need to be perfectly happy and honestly don't need anything.  When people ask me for gift ideas I ask for things that I actually want (like rolls of toilet paper, toothpaste, socks, etc.) which then makes them angry.  Because, I assume, gift giving is all about the person giving the gift, not what the receiver wants.  It has taken more than a decade, but I've managed to train all of my immediate family to just not buy shit for me anymore.  Still working on the inlaws. . .

But asking for toilet paper is not exactly a gift. Why not ask for a bottle of wine or something else that you would like to consume, but has a little hint or luxury to it.

This comment really confirms that the gift is about the giver and not the receiver.
 Why give something someone doesn't want because you (general you) are judging that the things they do want aren't good enough?

Why spend $15 on a bottle of wine they don't want rather than $15 on the Costco pack of toilet paper that would make them really happy?
(Not advice for the OP though- I would not get his wife toilet paper, unless that is what she asked for...)

I just got a great set of Burt's Bees Hand Cremes from Target. I'd recommend that to the OP.

[partgypsy]

How is she doing on soft, comfy, pretty PJs/loungewear/etc? I have heard childbirth and nursing (if applicable) make a body sensitive. And possibly...unfamiliar?

If you do want to do some acts of service instead, look for/think of things she used to be meticulous about, but has let slide during/after her pregnancy. Chances are, it's bothering her, but she doesn't have the energy to Deal With It.

But acts of service aren't the same as gifts, and I think it's understandable to want to pamper a loved one that did something big for you.

This reminds me of, after I had my first child, my mother gifted me with a semi sheer flesh colored nightie. I guess she wanted to make sure we kept the flame alive? Still recovering from the changes in my body, nursing, and totally sleep deprived, yeah the last item of clothing I felt like wearing!

I ditto what others said. ASK her what she would like.

[Blueberries]

That's me!  I have more than everything I need to be perfectly happy and honestly don't need anything.  When people ask me for gift ideas I ask for things that I actually want (like rolls of toilet paper, toothpaste, socks, etc.) which then makes them angry.  Because, I assume, gift giving is all about the person giving the gift, not what the receiver wants.  It has taken more than a decade, but I've managed to train all of my immediate family to just not buy shit for me anymore.  Still working on the inlaws. . .

But asking for toilet paper is not exactly a gift. Why not ask for a bottle of wine or something else that you would like to consume, but has a little hint or luxury to it.

But, why not?  If he wants toilet paper and they are buying it for him, it's a gift.  It's money he doesn't have to spend on something that he wants and will use.  Otherwise, people just ask for something the giver will be happy to give, which seems less like a gift and more like a pacification. 

[I'm a red panda]

Another thought- is there something around the house she has been complaining about or wanting to replace? Do it as a gift.
Like replace the kitchen faucet with a nice touchless one; install a ceiling fan in the bedroom, change out the sliding door with a french door, paint the bathroom.

[Davnasty]

Is there anything she's considered getting in the past but you disagreed with?

Maybe this isn't an issue for everyone but living in a small space and me leaning towards minimalism I often find myself persuading SO that we don't have room for a certain appliance or that something she wants is impractical. If I then give one of these items as a gift, the gift isn't so much the money I spent on it but the concession of giving in to something I don't actually want in our home. The downside is that sacrificing a bit of money is easy, sacrificing that space in your life for something you disagree with is much harder. But (I hope) that's what makes it a good gift, sacrifice.

Plus if she uses it for awhile and then realizes I was right and it's impractical, I won't say I told you so - that's like a 2nd gift :)