Why are you being a b*tch about holiday presents?

[GardenFun]

Besides all the common ones:  more clutter, pointless plastic crap, invest the money, save the environment, etc. - it all comes down to one reason.

STRESS!

I am sick of trying to find the perfect present for my parents/in-laws that will light up their grandkids face like some damn Norman Rockwell painting.  Some years its a truck, sometimes it ends up being gummi bears.  I don't know what they will do!  No amount of planning can prepare for their reaction.

I am sick of banging my head against toy catalogs, knowing that anything purchased from them will cause my husband to go into a maniac attack on Christmas day that NO AMOUNT of alcohol will subdue.

My kids are 8 and 5.  If mountains of snow, warm clothes, hot chocolate, snowball fights and sledding can't make them happy, nothing will.

Anyone else have a reason they are being a crab ass about (insert holiday) presents? 

[Johnez]

This is why I prefer Thanksgiving over Christmas. All the good about the holidays (family, food, cheer), none of the bad. So many expectations to fulfill, so much wasted time and money surrounding Christmas. I wish I could just pick a person or two to randomly give a gift to.

[Neustache]

I'm slowly making the transition into giving 'experience' gifts. 

[GuitarStv]

My plan is, this year I run around like a crazy person with a machete trying to kill everyone in the family.  NEXT year my gift to the survivors will be not doing the same.

[EDSMedS]

The only way to heal this is open discussion.  Ask them to think about why presents are important to them.  What feelings do they have when they get presents that they don't have otherwise?  Ask them to remember the presents from last year.  Can they?

I have a niece and nephew that are courted by 3 sets of grandparents and parents that are still probably overly-consumptive.  Emotions are ALWAYS high during gifting events, kids and adults.  DW and I took the kiddos out on town for several hours.  We spent probably $30 total on food and experiences.  At the end of the night, my nephew asked what present we were getting for him.  We explained to him that we consider the night a gift because we were able to pay special attention to what he wanted to do.  He was only 6.  I'm not sure how that memory will compete with regular messages that love equals items.  I did see him trying to understand what I meant.   And he has brought it up several times since then.

[Elderwood17]

I'm slowly making the transition into giving 'experience' gifts.

Elaborate on that....I am intrigued and think I know what you mean but please give some more specifics or examples for us to consider.

[acroy]

Wow - Sorry about that stick up your a$$, OP. Pull it out & relax, enjoy!

[GardenFun]

Wow - Sorry about that stick up your a$$, OP. Pull it out & relax, enjoy!

Believe me, I do feel that way and am trying to adapt.  ;-)  It definitely was a venting rant.  Spent the entire day cleaning old toys and clothes out of the house, which was therapeutic.  Also brainstormed and made prelim list of items that the kids would actually use (knitted facemask for warmth during sledding).  Now I have to politely keep my wits and enjoy the holidays. 

[MicroRN]

I'm slowly making the transition into giving 'experience' gifts.

Elaborate on that....I am intrigued and think I know what you mean but please give some more specifics or examples for us to consider.

I'm not Neustache, but we  try to do experiences.  Go somewhere fun - zoo, water park, things like that.  When Grandma wanted a gift suggestion, we asked for a family membership to a children's museum, and then we sent her pictures of the kids happily playing.  I get my sisters gift certs for spa days - massage, mani, pedi.  I gave a grad student friend a ticket to a ballet she really wanted to see but couldn't really afford.  My husband and I do not get each other presents anymore, but pick a restaurant and have a nice evening out.  As the kids get older, the gifts might be lessons in something they want to try, or a long trip somewhere.   

Some of these are expensive, but money spent on experiences is so much better than money spent on random junk just because you feel you have to get someone a present.  There are much more frugal options as well if you get creative.

[Neustache]

What MicroRN said!  In fact, it may have been him?/her?  that I got the idea from on this forum!  :D

I'm buying one nephew two tickets to the young adult theatre here in town, the other nephew two movie tickets.  Once the kids hit about 7 or so I think they understand and appreciate those kind of gifts.  Under that, and I'm afraid they just want the stuff to open up.  Ha! 

[Cpa Cat]

Also brainstormed and made prelim list of items that the kids would actually use (knitted facemask for warmth during sledding).  Now I have to politely keep my wits and enjoy the holidays.

The problem is that people often want to see the kid be super excited about the gift RIGHT THAT MOMENT. They want immediate gratification that they are the ones who gave the kid a gift that they will enjoy.

I'm sure I wasn't immediately overjoyed at the sight of My Little Pony bedsheets - but they were used for years longer than whatever else I got for Xmas that year. But that's not what some people want from their gift. They want to see that kid's eyes light up at the sight of the gift. They want the gift to command the child's attention right in front of the giver, the very moment it's unwrapped.

[Neustache]

We have kind of a free for all with the family when it's time to open gifts, and that helps in not needing to see the kids eyes light up when they open something.  At birthdays, when all eyes are on the kid, I'm more likely to get them a thing to open. 

[tracylayton]

I asked my kids how many presents the wise men brought baby Jesus, and they correctly answered "3". Then I told them that if 3 presents were good enough for our Lord, then 3 presents was good enough for them. The first year was the adjustment, and then they never gave it a second thought.

[Cpa Cat]

I asked my kids how many presents the wise men brought baby Jesus, and they correctly answered "3". Then I told them that if 3 presents were good enough for our Lord, then 3 presents was good enough for them. The first year was the adjustment, and then they never gave it a second thought.

I'm not very religious... but that's kind of perfect. ;)

[Bob W]

I asked my kids how many presents the wise men brought baby Jesus, and they correctly answered "3". Then I told them that if 3 presents were good enough for our Lord, then 3 presents was good enough for them. The first year was the adjustment, and then they never gave it a second thought.

Fuck yeah!  I'm using that one with everyone.  Just awesome.

I'm sure one of the grandkids will mention the "gold" present.  So I will dutifully give him a nice gold numismatic coin.   Bammm

[Dr. Doom]

The problem is that people often want to see the kid be super excited about the gift RIGHT THAT MOMENT. They want immediate gratification that they are the ones who gave the kid a gift that they will enjoy.

Yep.  I still remember being young (believe it or not) and I felt like it was a burden to have to act overjoyed upon receipt of a present -- because if you didn't, Auntie MeansWell will be hurt. 

>>I asked my kids how many presents the wise men brought baby Jesus, and they correctly answered "3".

I altered this question at a meal with my nephews (6 and 8) about a month ago -- How many presents did you get last Christmas?  And how many can you remember receiving?

The older one could remember 2.  The younger one -- only one.

All of this fuss, and half a year later, they have no idea what they got.  I can tell you each of these kids got 30+ presents each, from a wide variety of family members.

Draw your own conclusions.  I certainly drew mine.

[GuitarStv]

I asked my kids how many presents the wise men brought baby Jesus, and they correctly answered "3". Then I told them that if 3 presents were good enough for our Lord, then 3 presents was good enough for them. The first year was the adjustment, and then they never gave it a second thought.

Man, if I got gold and frankenstein as a kid I'd be willing to give up the myrrh entirely.

[domustachesgrowinhouston]

http://www.saddlebackleather.com/blog/daves-christmas-gift-ideas-that-theyll-use-and-remember

[VirginiaBob]

I asked my kids how many presents the wise men brought baby Jesus, and they correctly answered "3". Then I told them that if 3 presents were good enough for our Lord, then 3 presents was good enough for them. The first year was the adjustment, and then they never gave it a second thought.

Man, if I got gold and frankenstein as a kid I'd be willing to give up the myrrh entirely.

frankenstein - that would be  sweet gift.

[shusherstache]

I hate trying to figure out holiday presents, because:
-Parents claim they don't want anything, but if we got them nothing I wouldn't ever stop hearing about it (so we try to donate $$ in their name, which usually goes over less amazingly than my sister's expensive and debt-creating presents)
-sibling claims it's not Christmas without lots of presents, which means she ends up sending us home with a lot of crap (which then gets sold/swapped/donated)
-We don't have kids, but we have a few children in the family which results in a weird, overwhelming state for them as they are inundated with crap
-Holidays are an overcompensation time at my parents', which means a lot of hurt feelings when it's not as amazing as imagined

It's a struggle each year, and it's getting crazier as my parents have more disposable income.  Sigh.

[Dee18]

I think some of the best gifts for kids are quality equipment...a good pocket knife, a small toolbox with good quality tools...I still use the craftsmen tools my dad bought me for Christmas one year...my mom painted daisies on them so they would be girlie.  That was decades ago.  I smile every time I use them.  Best Christmas present ever:  ice skates and 8 weeks of lessons. 

[GardenFun]

-Holidays are an overcompensation time at my parents', which means a lot of hurt feelings when it's not as amazing as imagined

It's a struggle each year, and it's getting crazier as my parents have more disposable income.  Sigh.

+1.  If the current year's festivities doesn't top the previous year, well...you messed up and are a horrible person.  This is the third year that we have been making it less amazing than the previous year. 

And to concur with Dr. Doom - I would be shocked if my kids remembered more than 1 gift they received last Christmas, which is another reason for the reduction in awesomeness at this particular holiday.  So I'm also pushing the "event presents" from family members. 

But if you ask my kids what we did on Christmas last year, they will tell you we went sledding and daddy fell off the sled and wiped out another person.  That event they remember! 

[cavewoman]

I think some of the best gifts for kids are quality equipment...a good pocket knife, a small toolbox with good quality tools...I still use the craftsmen tools my dad bought me for Christmas one year...my mom painted daisies on them so they would be girlie.  That was decades ago.  I smile every time I use them.  Best Christmas present ever:  ice skates and 8 weeks of lessons. 

My dad got flack from ladies in a group he's in for getting me a set of tools for my birthday.  It was right when I had my first apartment.  It was in a red soft sided bag, plus a drill.  I'm glad it wasn't *girlie* but that's just me, I don't even think they had all of the pink sets out then.  Greatest gift ever. (My dad's response "do you know my daughter?")

http://www.saddlebackleather.com/blog/daves-christmas-gift-ideas-that-theyll-use-and-remember

Cool link!  I like the rope idea.  For my nephew's recent 4th birthday, I got him construction paper, markers, a glue stick, and scissors.  All wrapped separately, so that seems cool to him.  Plus, in the crafts we've done so far, I've never let him use the scissors, and he's at the age to learn.  He asks me for stuff all the time (commercial comes on ... "Can you get that for me?" ... I just tell him Aunt M doesn't buy you stuff like that)

[SisterX]

My plan is, this year I run around like a crazy person with a machete trying to kill everyone in the family.  NEXT year my gift to the survivors will be not doing the same.

This made me laugh WAY too hard!

Now that we're all older, we tend to give each other books or a practical item.  Last year I got one of my brothers some r/l specific socks with seamless toes, because those two things have always bothered him about regular socks.
Trying to have the conversation with my in-laws about not going overboard with gifts for our kid, because they're typical consumers.  Emphasizing "we're moving soon and don't want to drag lots of stuff" and "she'll value time with you or money in her college fund more than any toy" will hopefully tone it down some.  Also, her birthday is in November so she doesn't need piles of toys two months in a row.

[couponvan]

Here's our gift list - one want, one need, one wear, one read.  I totally stole this from someone else. It has made our holiday life so much better.

The "read" is delivered to their bed by the elves....don't go for Santa's gifts until your parents are up! Enjoy the read....

With this list, we get higher quality gifts that truly have purpose instead of junk.  If the "wear" is a North Face, or Ugg item, that is OK because I am not trying to buy 15 gifts.

[aussiesaver]

Last year my daughter was almost 2 and got sick of opening presents. All she wanted to do when she opened one was play with it (as most young kids would). We ended up opening presents over about 4 days. This year we are buying a only one or two presents that I know she'll love but are having a hard time convincing others to do the same. No matter how much we say she loves books and puzzles the expensive plastic crap will still be given. I really love the experience gift idea too. We've just been on holidays for a week and when given a lot of choices of where to go each day my daughters answer was always 'the park'

[southern granny]

Something that worked well for us when buying gifts for parents or other senior adults was to buy food items that the person liked but rarely bought because they felt them too expensive.  Those items included a smoked ham, ribeye steaks, clam chowder,  cashews,  and quality chocolates.  These were always appreciated.

[resy]

I asked my kids how many presents the wise men brought baby Jesus, and they correctly answered "3". Then I told them that if 3 presents were good enough for our Lord, then 3 presents was good enough for them. The first year was the adjustment, and then they never gave it a second thought.

Fuck yeah!  I'm using that one with everyone.  Just awesome.

I'm sure one of the grandkids will mention the "gold" present.  So I will dutifully give him a nice gold numismatic coin.   Bammm

I encourage the kid to limit his xmas list to 2 presents max for santa, the reason being that santa has a lot of homes to go to and the greedier we get, the less there is for others. He also receives one to two gifts from hubs and I and some from family. More than enough and it has never bothered him :)

[Sibley]

I don't have kids, but my immediate family does mostly "need" gifts. Number is less important.

I've heard of many people who follow the "one in, one out" rule. This helps afterwards at least.

And depending on how much you want to piss off various people, refuse to accept things. Carry the unopened presents back out to the car even.

[kiblebuka]

It's the first gift holiday for my Sig Other and myself, and we agreed on dollar and item amount limits so no one feels outdone. My mom swings between "Everything you want is expensive argh" and "I'm not buying you enough, I need to buy you more", though the latter doesn't happen as often now that she's not working. There was a stretch of 5 years give or take where she had more gifts than I did (she was a school secretary) And my birthday is the start of the month, so sometimes when I want a BIG thing I'll ask to get nothing or something small for the birthday and the BIG thing at the end of the month (and Sig Other's is at the start of January lol)

I don't stress about shopping because the people I buy gifts for are the ones I know the most about. And they all like Amazon gift cards 8)

[rocksinmyhead]

Lots of cool ideas here. I like the experience ideas, and whoever said they sent pictures of their kids at the childrens' museum to Grandma who gave them the membership, that's genius. I don't have kids so I have no idea if this works, but it made me think that similarly for those types of gifts you could make it a big point every time you go to whatever it is to be like, "did you guys have fun today? this was part of your present from Grandma!" so maybe it'll sink in and some time they'll say something positive about it to Grandma. I think if I were Grandma I'd love that shit!

I also LOVE the want/need/wear/read idea, which I think I've heard somewhere else before too, ESPECIALLY with the "elves" dropping the books off to keep kids in bed in the morning... that's awesome! Oh and the "three gifts were good enough for Jesus" thing. You guys are all so smart. I'm totally filing this away for when I have kids, LOL.

[Dan_at_Home]

Besides all the common ones:  more clutter, pointless plastic crap, invest the money, save the environment, etc. - it all comes down to one reason.

STRESS!

I am sick of trying to find the perfect present for my parents/in-laws that will light up their grandkids face like some damn Norman Rockwell painting.  Some years its a truck, sometimes it ends up being gummi bears.  I don't know what they will do!  No amount of planning can prepare for their reaction.

I am sick of banging my head against toy catalogs, knowing that anything purchased from them will cause my husband to go into a maniac attack on Christmas day that NO AMOUNT of alcohol will subdue.

My kids are 8 and 5.  If mountains of snow, warm clothes, hot chocolate, snowball fights and sledding can't make them happy, nothing will.

Anyone else have a reason they are being a crab ass about (insert holiday) presents?

I can definitely related.  Luckily, I followed MMMs advice, and it works great.  I still get presents for the kids but for the adults I don't understand why I should have to buy them a present.  If an adult wants something, they just go out and buy it, they know exactly what is best for them. 

Thus, I took MMMs advice and made the same offer to all the adults I usually get gifts for which is "how about I don't you anything this year and you don't get anything for me either?".  About 50% took me up on this offer.  Greatly reduced the need for shopping.  In addition, they were even relieved and excited about the idea because it is one less thing that they have to do for the holidays. 

Now if only I could find a way to stop all those companies from aggressively trying to send catalogs to my house all the time.  It seems no matter how hard you try, those companies are so determined to get their products shoved up into your face even if you don't want their crap.

[zataks]

Something that worked well for us when buying gifts for parents or other senior adults was to buy food items that the person liked but rarely bought because they felt them too expensive.  Those items included a smoked ham, ribeye steaks, clam chowder,  cashews,  and quality chocolates.  These were always appreciated.

I agree with this.  I've bought things like SF bay area sourdough and in another year, decent coffee & a french press for my grandparents.  They always tell me how great the bread or coffee tastes and how much the enjoy it and only dole it out at certain times.  I think it's especially good because they are relatively frugal folks who don't travel or do much so something like higher quality food products that they can enjoy is great.

Grandma sends specialty smoked hams, turkeys, cheeses, bacon, etc Thanksgiving/Christmas time which is always appreciated.  I get a delicious smoked ham and them use the bone for soup.  Love it.

The poster talking about people giving gifts just to see children's faces light up at THAT gift is peculiar to me: an odd form of selfish gift giving, it seems. 

This year is DW's and my first Christmas as a married couple and we got a tree but neither of us are into presents.  I told her a tree without presents underneath it is a sad sight (despite us both working Christmas day) and that we'll put something there.  There are things she won't buy herself too willingly (oddly, socks) and we talked and agreed we could get a couple things for both of us/the house to put under the tree. 

[jba302]

http://www.saddlebackleather.com/blog/daves-christmas-gift-ideas-that-theyll-use-and-remember

30 ft. length of rope (just give it to them and you won't see them for a few days)
Bow and arrow (9 - 13 yrs.)
Slingshot with a bag of marbles (all ages)
BB gun (all ages)
Joe with Sling-Shot
Dart board - Darts will drive the men and boys out from in front of the TV for hours and hours (all ages)
Refrigerator box with a hole cut in it (ages 2 - 6)
Blow gun (any length) with little darts (8 yrs. and up)
Styrofoam or balsam wood airplane gliders (5 - 12 yrs.)
Teenage boys - throwing knives, Rambo knife, hatchet, Chinese throwing star, flint fire starter like Bear Grylls in Man vs. Wild

I'm kind kind of surprised how many things on the list would still be highly appreciated by me.

[MandyM]

As I read through this I was so grateful that my family has slowly moved toward less gifts. It took some pushing, but we are down to: parents give us money and stocking stuffers, my 5 siblings and I go in together to get the parents one nice gift, no gift exchange between the siblings.

There are a few catches. We get the money ahead of time and we have to bring at least one wrapped thing for ourselves - it doesn't have to be a gift, but something that represents what we are doing with the money (a bill paid off or whatever...I'm generally the only one that doesn't blow the whole amount on nonsense). Almost all of the stocking stuffers that we receive are things we need - toothpaste, lotion, dish towels, etc with a few fun items thrown in.

I keep pushing to forgo the money and/or the stocking stuffers, as it is still a pretty big expense in both time and money for my parents. But I'm alone in that opinion.

[Daisy]

The older I get, the less stuff I want. And the stuff I want, I like to pick out. So I just assume everyone is like me. ;-)

I told my brother (who has kids who I get gifts for) that they don't need to get me anything this year. I recently moved and told them I realized I hate the clutter. Well, they said they were getting me a gift anyways (they don't want one, but they feel they need to get me one because I get stuff for their kids). I mentioned the clutter again, and they said it wouldn't add to clutter. I think it will be tickets to an event or something along those lines based on a recent conversation. That would be a lot better but not necessary.

I have a close friend that has two kids and I always get a present "from the kids", which makes me feel guilty to buy her kids gifts. I'd rather just limit kid gifts to those in my family, or else the list could get ridiculously long. But since "her kids" (who are too young to buy or choose anything because it's really her) get me something I feel guilted into getting them something. I see them maybe twice a year. So this year I told her not to get me anything. To be honest, most of the stuff she gets me I end up not using. Then that adds more to the guilt. So I mentioned the whole clutter and moving thing to her. She said "her kids" will always get me something. Argh...so I hinted that maybe an edible gift would be nice. I just don't need another blouse I end up not using. It's a waste of resources and her money.

My nieces and nephews are getting to college age and I'm wondering how long to get them gifts for. This year, my brothers sent out a detailed list of what their kids want (mind you 3 of them are in college why are the parents sending the list) and I replied that I am getting them all cash so they can get what they want. Some things on the list were "ugly sweaters" or "funny t-shirts". Somehow I think my interpretation of ugly and funny would be different from theirs and they won't end up liking it anyways if I chose it.

In the past when they were younger, I did activity/experience gifts and took them to places, but since they are out of town at college it just makes it harder.

I would be totally happy if I got no gifts this year. Most of the time it's stuff I don't use and I feel bad that the person buying it wasted their money.

[RunningWithScissors]

My family decided to only exchange small presents for immediate family members, and buy simple things for the kids under 16.  My friends and I agreed not to exchange gifts, but count lunches out together as our 'gift', which is something we'd do anyway.  For the obligatory Secret-Santa work gift exchange, I dip into my stash of presents that just don't work for us and recycle them.

My husband and I  are buying each other super-practical gifts like socks/underwear for him and windshield wipers for me. Unfortunately, the snap-lock lid glass storage containers that we bought several months ago when they were on sale at Costco (and which were squirreled away by my dear, absent-minded husband) cannot be found.  Oh well - it's motivation for another garage/closet/office storage room purge.