To answer the original question of what is reasonable to expect in a spouse- I think that depends on the person. Your expectations are reasonable if you find that there are people to choose from, who are interested in you, who meet your desired standards. If however, no one meets your standards (or those who do aren't interested in you), then you're being unreasonable.
The thing that people seem to be getting caught up on, is that serpentstooth had very definite/high standards...IN CERTAIN AREAS. What she has not discussed, are the areas in which she was highly flexible in regards to selecting a mate. I believe that's what separates the reasonable from the unreasonable, and I think that's what's skewing this thread.
Personally, I feel that I had very high standards- however earning potential was not one of them. I wanted a partner who was smart (didn't have to be smarter than me), very attentive, who didn't want kids, who I found very attractive, who I had an excellent sex life with, who was very even keeled (no yelling, no fighting, calm discussion only), who possessed a masculine energy and some stereotypically masculine traits (being able to fix things, handle situations-I don't like hand holding through basic daily struggles). I wanted to be with a fellow thinker and reader, and I wanted someone with a similar worldview.
I was able to get all of these things, because I was willing to date someone who was not established in a career, and who at the time had very little earning potential (basically minimum wage). In other words, I decided what was important to me and what wasn't that important to me, and I made my selection based on that.
There were plenty of willing applicants so I don't think my desires were unreasonable.
