What are your dog restrictions?

[sunnyca]

Kind of a random question, but...

I have a dog (Border Collie) and two cats, and currently live in a condo.  SO is divorced with 50% custody of two young children (3 and 5), and we're talking about moving in together.  The thing is... he's not really an animal person.  He basically accepts the cats, but he doesn't like the dog and considers her unhygienic, messy, etc., etc. 

I've had my dog five years, and during that time, she's pretty much had free run of my place.  She's slept on my bed, lays on the couch, and so on.  I've compromised to the extent that she's restricted from the bedroom at night, and she's completely restricted from the bedrooms at SO's apartment.  However, if we move in together, then SO would ideally want her to be a backyard dog (which I can't accept), or at most, to be restricted to the floor of the living room and the backyard.  I can live with my dog not being in the bedrooms or the kitchen, but would want her to have the run of the rest of the house, ideally. 

We're really clashing on this issue, and it's starting to seem like short of rehoming the dog or making her a backyard dog, he's always going to be bothered by her, her fur, and the fact that he finds it really strange to keep something so unhygienic (his words) in the house.  It's really upsetting me.

Am I being unreasonable on this issue?

 

[Sibley]

I don't think so. I'm a cat person myself, and don't want a dog. If someone I was dating had a dog/strongly wanted a dog, that'd be a sign to me that maybe I'm dating the wrong person.

Regarding my cats - you can ask me to choose between my cats and you. I will choose the cats. Their health, happiness, and general well being are my responsibility, I made a commitment to them for their lifetime and I won't compromise on that.

Sorry, but it sounds like you probably shouldn't move in together until either you don't have a dog, or he learns to be ok with the dog.

[onlykelsey]

Originally, my dog was allowed everywhere in the house except the bedroom, and was not allowed on furniture (he has his own bed).  I moved to a place where the exit was through my bedroom, so that first rule is out the door.  My dog isn't allowed on furniture anywhere, and usually sleeps on his bed at the foot of our bed (unless we have someone sleeping on the couch, in which case he sleeps outside our door (to protect us??).

It sounds like you guys are at an impasse.  Dogs are truly filthy.  I love mine and will lie down on his bed with him to cuddle, but I don't want to impose that on everyone else in the house (or hurt my furniture's life), so I would never do that on the couch.  I also have read that dogs like having certain boundaries as it makes them feel more secure.  If there's an easy way to isolate the bedroom and kitchens, and keep her off the couch, maybe that'd be a reasonable compromise.

[former player]

Is your SO worried about the kids?   They are pretty young, and if they are not used to dogs and your dog is not used to children, there would need to be a period of careful adjustment.

My collie has always been kept out of the upstairs, including my bedroom, and only goes in the sitting room (which is the only carpeted room downstairs) when I'm there.  He is never allowed on chairs or sofas and has his own bed in each downstairs room instead.  He has free run of the kitchen/diner, hall and study, which have stone flagged floors and where a quick sweep sorts the hair problem (he's a long haired collie, and sheds all year).

I agree with not making your dog a backyard dog, unless you spend most of you days outside.  Dogs need company, and if being outside means the dog is on its own that is not fair to the dog.

[SeanMC]

You are not unreasonable.

You can't make her a backyard dog. Dogs are social animals, and she has always lived inside. Switching now would be cruel.

Do you want to move in with your SO so much that you have to rehome your dog? That's what your choice sounds like. Someone who has a dog for 5 years is not compatible with someone who doesn't want to live with a dog. I understand why you are upset.

I would offer various compromises - like dogs not on furniture or doing a better job of reducing fur (using the right tools on your dog to de-shed and on your home to remove fur). Sounds like you are already doing this, though, and SO just doesn't want to live with a dog.

Therefore, the question is - would you pick living with your SO over your dog?

[Cassie]

The other issue is that when this dog dies he is not going to ever want another dog and can you live your whole life with no dog?  We have 4 dogs. The 3 little ones can go anywhere they want (they don't shed) and the big guy who is a shedding machine can go anywhere except in the beds.  I cover the couch and change it frequently to get rid of the fur.  My first hubby would not let the kids and I have a dog. We eventually divorced (not for that reason) and I have had dogs ever since. My current hubby knows not to ask me to choose between the dogs or him. I think it is definitely an incompatibility that can't be overcome.  I would re-home the dog before making it a backyard dog which is cruel but really I just would not move in with him. 

[fallstoclimb]

A backyard dog?!?! 

Are you sure you want to be involved with this person?  (Joking, but not that much, because geez!)  I don't know man.  I couldn't do it. 

When we first got our dog, we trained him not to get up on any furniture.  Pretty early on, we allowed him up on one reading chair only.  This was originally because he would cuddle with me while I read, but then he got too big for that, and we relocated the chair to his favorite window so now that's just the dog chair.

And then after about a year, we caved and allowed him on the bed.  He now sleeps next to me with his head on my pillow.  (He does have his own bed which he visits while we are asleep).

I don't think you can make a non animal person an animal person -- or vice versa.

[GuitarStv]

Yeah, kicking the dog out of the room at night I can understand (they can be annoying sometimes and interfere with sleep).  Having a small, special off limits area of the house, sure.  Keeping a dog outside and away from his family and life that he has always known is abuse.

[onlykelsey]

It's also sort of striking (upon second read) that you're apparently willing to accommodate children in your life, while he's unwilling to accommodate a dog.  Obviously his responsibilities to his children are huge, but it seems a bit unfair, somehow.  Just a thought.

[Spork]

I hate to give flippant, life changing advice to someone I don't really know based on a couple of paragraphs.  But I think that would be a relationship changer -- possibly ender -- for me.  I know that's harsh, but thats how I am.  I have pets.  I will always have pets.  I wouldn't put their needs before my spouse.  But I wouldn't change the way I treat them because of my spouse either.

[Basenji]

I can't imagine a life where my SO doesn't enthusiastically cuddle and coo at my dogs. So, to me this is more than an issue of dog boundaries. It's going to come up in every way, how much money to spend on the dog, what happens with the children, on and on. Every day SO annoyed by dog hair, by your desire to cuddle the dog on the couch. It's him or the dog. It will only get worse. Such a huge difference in priorities raises a big flag for me. So sorry to write that. But if you choose the guy, at least rehome the dog with a fab new family. Where I live we call the cops about "backyard" dogs.

[tooqk4u22]

He basically accepts the cats, but he doesn't like the dog and considers her unhygienic, messy, etc., etc. 

Funny because I am far more grossed out by cats with the thought of them clawing and scratching their pee and poop litter boxes then walking all over the furniture, tables and kitchen counters that I see happen every time I go over to someone's house that owns cats.

Are you sure there isn't another issue such as he is worried about the potential for the dog biting his kids and the impact that would have on custody.  I am a dog person but am constantly worried about dogs at others houses, fact is it is hard to get mauled by a cat. 

[Kris]

Thanks for all of the advice.

The dog issue is really confusing to me because we've been together over a year, and he (and his kids) lived with me briefly previously.  At that time, he didn't love the dog, but didn't seem that annoyed by her.  It almost seems like the problem is getting worse with time.

As I'd mentioned previously, I'm fine with certain compromises, but the dog has to live indoors.  Not in the bedrooms? I can live with that.  But not allowed in the general areas of the house?  That bothers me.  As onlykelsey mentioned, it's strange to me that he's not willing to compromise much on the issue, especially considering the fact that I've been happy to welcome his kids into my life.  I've helped with bathtime, bedtime, storytime, etc. etc. (all of which I'm happy to do) and I like his kids.  I'm really troubled by the fact that he doesn't seem capable of having a similar attitude towards my dog.

I agree.  This was what immediately struck me.

My ex-husband tolerated my cat while we were dating, but when we moved in together, he began imposing all sorts of restrictions on what the cat could and couldn't do. It got worse over time. Eventually, it became incredibly stressful because he was always complaining to me about things the cat did, so I was on tenterhooks. The cat, you can imagine, was stressed.  Eventually, one night he booted my eighteen year old cat across the room in irritation for something he did...

I find it a further red flag that you welcomed his children but he can't deal with a dog. Honestly, this is all sounding like it adds up to a general attitude on his part that you, and the things/beings you love, are not as important as the things/beings he loves. Perhaps I am over-reading it. But in my ex's case, this eventually bled over to my family, which he barely tolerated even though we didn't see them that often, while we spent tons of time with his and I was expected to always be up for more.

I worry that you may be setting yourself up for a life with an SO who will be happy to disregard your feelings and expect you to always make space in your life for his priorities while never feeling obligated to return the favor.  Generosity of spirit is a priceless quality in a spouse. My current husband has that in spades, and it makes me realize just how little my ex had it.

[Chris22]

He basically accepts the cats, but he doesn't like the dog and considers her unhygienic, messy, etc., etc. 

Funny because I am far more grossed out by cats with the thought of them clawing and scratching their pee and poop litter boxes then walking all over the furniture, tables and kitchen counters that I see happen every time I go over to someone's house that owns cats.

This.  Cats are nasty.  I mean, I love my dog, and he can be a little nasty too, but he's only on the floor (or on furniture when I pick him up).   He's never on the counter or table, where my food goes.  He does sleep with us, which I don't love, but it's too late to change that now. 

[Kris]

He basically accepts the cats, but he doesn't like the dog and considers her unhygienic, messy, etc., etc. 

Funny because I am far more grossed out by cats with the thought of them clawing and scratching their pee and poop litter boxes then walking all over the furniture, tables and kitchen counters that I see happen every time I go over to someone's house that owns cats.

This.  Cats are nasty.  I mean, I love my dog, and he can be a little nasty too, but he's only on the floor (or on furniture when I pick him up).   He's never on the counter or table, where my food goes.  He does sleep with us, which I don't love, but it's too late to change that now.

This kind of stuff always makes me laugh: which animal is objectively grosser?

Matters of personal preference are just that.  Dogs eat their own shit, lick their asses, lick your face, lick your body, put their paws up on the counter, lick every surface that might remotely smell of food... Plus they smell.  So yeah, there's that argument. That doesn't mean that just because I prefer cats means that dogs are nasty.

Kids, too.  Kids shit and pee and barf all over the place. When they get older, they pick their boogers and wipe them all over the place. They put their sticky hands all over everything.  They wipe their poopy asses, forget to wash their hands, and then touch everything in the house.  Yeesh. 

All things considered, I'll take a cat.

[GuitarStv]

If you've never woken up at 2 am to the sound


'BLURGH'


seconds before your dog barfs partially digested poop all over your clean comforter . . . I question if you're really a dog person.  I love the little bastards, but they're pretty disgusting animals.  :P

[Spork]

If you've never woken up at 2 am to the sound


'BLURGH'


seconds before your dog barfs partially digested poop all over your clean comforter . . . I question if you're really a dog person.  I love the little bastards, but they're pretty disgusting animals.  :P

Goes right with the "hork hork hork hork" or a cat sending a hairball up for you to step in.  They're both gross.  Kids are gross.  I can be gross. 

I've lived with dogs inside most of my life and cats inside about half of my life.  (And I'm old.)  I'm not dead from them.  And just think of all that seratonin they've given me over the years.

[Fire2025]

The dog issue is really confusing to me because we've been together over a year, and he (and his kids) lived with me briefly previously.  At that time, he didn't love the dog, but didn't seem that annoyed by her.  It almost seems like the problem is getting worse with time.

So when he needed your help your dog was acceptable, but now the dog is a problem?  That would sum it all up for me.

But full disclosure.  I told my current SO "the dog was here before you, the dog will be here after you.  The dog sleeps in the bed, you can sleep at your house, if that's an issue for you."  In the end he lasted longer than "that" dog and we now have a dog together.  The dog sleeps in the bed.

[Dee]

Do you otherwise agree on what's hygienic? Is he just concerned about the dog, or are there going to be issues about cleanliness in general? I have a friend who wound up living with someone with OCD. She didn't realize nearly to what extent her partner had it until they lived together. Dog issues aside, would you feel pretty confident about your abilities to live together?

To other posters who've mentioned having dogs sleep with them and then that being an unalterable habit... It may not be. I moved in with my partner and his Rottweiler some month ago. Now, I love this dog! LOVE HIM! He is among the world's most pampered pets. He's also over a 100 pounds and takes up a lot of room in bed, where he'd been sleeping with his papa for most of his life. So we all tried to sleep in the same bed. I was having a lot of trouble adjusting, and spent not a few nights on the couch. We recently decided to try having the dog not sleep on the bed. The dog cried the first few nights. We had to nudge him off the bed a few times. We set up a make-shift bed at the foot of the bed with thick duvets and took turns sleeping on it with the dog. After just a few nights, the dog seemed to get the message and accept the new status quo. We got him a new dog bed so he'd have a good spot at the foot of the bed. I'm sleeping a lot better and the dog does not seem any worse off for it. It's possible he's sleeping better too.

[Meowmalade]

I'm sorry that you have to make this decision!  I am not a dog person.  I find them smelly and dirty, though in theory I love the idea of a big cuddly one, the reality is that it would drive me crazy.  And the barking, ugh!  Currently our roommate (who lives in our basement apartment, a separate space) is moving out and her lovely friend was asking if we would consider her moving in.  But she has a dog.  I've been thinking about it a ton and still haven't come to a conclusion, will meet the dog after we get back to town and see.

But from the perspective of someone who finds dogs dirty and smelly, either I care for someone enough that I would be willing to tolerate that specific dog, or I go.  It's unfortunate that he couldn't be honest enough with himself and you to break up for this incompatibility, and is instead forcing you to basically choose him or the dog.  If you stay with him, his annoyance with the dog is only going to get worse, trust me on this.

And for the record, my cats are disgusting little beasts too-- the other day I woke up with litter all over my pillow and saw pee stains because the boy cat came and sat there before he cleaned himself.  And I was so chill about it (this coming from a recovering OCD clean freak) because it was part of the package when I decided to get cats, and if I freak out over every gross thing I will go crazy.  But it was my choice, my responsibility.

[Megma]

The dog issue is really confusing to me because we've been together over a year, and he (and his kids) lived with me briefly previously.  At that time, he didn't love the dog, but didn't seem that annoyed by her.  It almost seems like the problem is getting worse with time.

So when he needed your help your dog was acceptable, but now the dog is a problem?  That would sum it all up for me.

But full disclosure.  I told my current SO "the dog was here before you, the dog will be here after you.  The dog sleeps in the bed, you can sleep at your house, if that's an issue for you."  In the end he lasted longer than "that" dog and we now have a dog together.  The dog sleeps in the bed.

+1 told my SO something very similar. I've had my dog for a decade and SO for 4 years so far.

However, I wasn't ever a cat person really and now we have two! Never saw that coming! In love, we compromise! And those purring fur balls are really growing on me much to my surprise.

[sol]

I would be concerned about a romantic partner who expects you to accept his children but isn't willing to accept your dog.  Which of these things is really the most unhygenic?

At the very least, offer to give up one dog when he gives up one child.  Your house will be immeasurable cleaner as a result, and it's closer to a fair trade.

[Pigeon]

Honestly, it would be a deal breaker for me. I'd be looking to rehome the SO, not the dog.

After I'd had the dog for years, no way would I banish it from rooms in the house.

[Larabeth]

Yeah, I don't think I could be with someone that was annoyed by my dog.  I wholeheartedly admit my dog (and my fiancee's dog too) has annoying moments, but trying to force me to isolate my dog would just turn me off.

Granted, our dogs prefer to stay outside, but they have the run of the place when they want.  If it is raining or extreme temperatures, they're coming in and will have the run of the main living areas.  We keep them well groomed and they rarely have that gross, soured smell that comes with some dogs.  They are also very quiet and don't bark unless someone is messing with the door that shouldn't be there.

[MMMaybe]

I don't think I could be with a non-pet person as I have a much loved cat. My DH adores the cat so no problems there.

However, the cat does have restrictions. No climbing on kitchen counters or eating surfaces and definitely no sleeping in my bed. He is pretty good otherwise.

[Cassie]

I absolutely love the idea of giving up 1 kid for 1 dog:))

[Squirrel away]

I would be concerned about a romantic partner who expects you to accept his children but isn't willing to accept your dog.  Which of these things is really the most unhygenic?

At the very least, offer to give up one dog when he gives up one child.  Your house will be immeasurable cleaner as a result, and it's closer to a fair trade.

OMG, that made me laugh.

I wouldn't even consider getting rid of one of my pets for a partner!

[Dee]

You know, another interpretation of the b-friend being ok with the dog while staying over before could just be proper etiquette as a guest. Whereas now, he is just negotiating living arrangements that he finds acceptable. I don't necessarily see a red flag based on just his being ok with the dog while staying over vs questioning the presence of the dog in what will become a joint household.

[Cassie]

Expecting someone to get rid of a beloved pet is just unreasonable-period.

[Cassie]

Also when I married my ex he had a cat that I was allergic too. I did not expect him to get rid of it. We kept it until it died but did not let it in the bedrooms, etc. It worked out fine.

[Cookie78]

Expecting someone to get rid of a beloved pet is just unreasonable-period.

Yup. I wouldn't give up my dog for anyone, nor would I expect someone to give up their pet for me.

As for my dog restrictions, my dog is not allowed in the bed unless invited. He stays in the corner by my feet, except in the rare case that I make him move for whatever reason. And he stays in the crate while I'm at work.

[horsepoor]

"Never trust someone who doesn't have some dog hair on them" is my motto. 

I had my cats before meeting my husband, and he would never have asked me to get rid of them, even though they weren't his favorite.  They've passed on, and now we have two dogs.  He never had pets growing up, so it has taken some adjustment, even though he's always liked dogs.  Our dogs are allowed run of the house.  One can no longer jump up on furniture, but the one that can, jumps up on the bed for a snuggle in the morning.  They both sleep on dog beds in our room.  FWIW, they used to stay outside when we were at work, and eventually  barking problems developed,  so aside from how fair it is to the dog, relegating her to the back yard could result in conflicts with the neighbors, escaping, etc.

[southern granny]

Do you think it could be a jealousy thing?  He is going to make you choose between him and the dog.  It that is the case... choose the dog.

[electriceagle]

Expecting someone to get rid of a beloved pet is just unreasonable-period.

Internet expansion of outrage syndrome question:

How did we do from the SO wanting the dog in the backyard to the SO wanting to "get rid of" the dog?

[GuitarStv]

Expecting someone to get rid of a beloved pet is just unreasonable-period.

Internet expansion of outrage syndrome question:

How did we do from the SO wanting the dog in the backyard to the SO wanting to "get rid of" the dog?

Taking a dog that has lived it's entire life indoors and forcing it to stay outdoors alone is cruel treatment that gets rid of the dog from the house.

[I'm a red panda]

My dog has free run of the house. The only rule is that she is expected to give up her seat on the couch for any human who asks for it.  (We also expect her to sit nicely before she gets dinner or we open a door for her; and obvious things like never taking human food no matter where it is- I can set a steak on the floor, leave for an hour, and it still be there; not that I would eat it, because I bet it has likely been licked...but she's never tried to get something off the counter)

It would be entirely unreasonable to force her to live outside.  I wouldn't accept that.
And quite honestly, when it's cold in the winter, I LIKE her in the bed with me. (In the summer she doesn't sleep with us, she sleeps on the couch then.)

[MayDay]

I like dogs, and we had a dog before (passed due to old age).  That said, I find dogs on furniture and beds very gross, and even keeping the dog on the floor, ours would always lay right up against our bed skirt in one spot, and that one spot got dirty/greasy from his fur.  So yes, dogs are pretty are nasty. 

I am a fan of dogs being house dogs, but staying only in certain parts of the house, and never on furniture.  I am a fan of crating them when you are not home (or otherwise containing them).  If your BF is ok with that (truly ok, not just going along with it for now, and will push for more later) then I think that is a reasonable compromise. 

[MsPeacock]

Dogs, cats, and children are all gross and unhygienic.

Assuming his primary objection is an "unhygienic" dog and permenent living situation. Maybe he doesn't know how bad it is for dogs to be backyard dogs? I am trying to give him the benefit of doubt for this one. Does he otherwise like the dog ok? Some people are just not dog people.  I am more of a cat person because they are less... Idk.. In my face all the time.

If you are able to make the dog cleaner would this help? I have a golden retriever, she is the only dog I've ever had and I find her so dirty. As someone who prefers the house extremely clean, I have to clean the dog a lot. I wipe her paws when she comes in and out. If they are really muddy I put her in the tub and wash her paws. She gets regular baths. She gets brushed. I have a cleaning lady on a weekly basis to minimize hair, etc.

If this isn't adequate I don't see how living together will work unless you Reno e the dog, and I think that would be a very hard decision to make.

[I'm a red panda]

Dogs, cats, and children are all gross and unhygienic.

Some adults are too... that's why you wash things regularly. Not only does the dog get bathed on a regular basis, but our sheets, floors, and furniture get cleaned regularly.


There are some dogs who handle being crated okay; especially if they are trained that way since being a puppy. My dog has major anxiety reactions to it. If I were to crate her regularly, I might as well rehome her. She would be miserable.

[ncornilsen]

For the record, it's absolute nonsense that keeping a dog in a backyard is 'cruel.'

Growing up, we had many border collies. NEVER did they come in the house, except for one that was injured. They were happy, and enjoyed the freedom. Now, we always had two or three dogs, and since we lived on a ranch they spent most of the day with us while we were working on things.

 They were raised that way from when they were puppies, so I could see it being an adjustment for your dog, but to say having it live outside is cruel is ridiculous.

[GuitarStv]

For the record, it's absolute nonsense that keeping a dog in a backyard is 'cruel.'

Growing up, we had many border collies. NEVER did they come in the house, except for one that was injured. They were happy, and enjoyed the freedom. Now, we always had two or three dogs, and since we lived on a ranch they spent most of the day with us while we were working on things.

 They were raised that way from when they were puppies, so I could see it being an adjustment for your dog, but to say having it live outside is cruel is ridiculous.

Dogs can live just fine outside (depending on the breed).  I've known many huskies and malamuts who were very happy living in packs outdoors in Northern Ontario.  They were born into that life, and were used to it and happy.

Taking a single adult dog who has only lived in the house with his/her pack, then restricting the dog to a small fenced enclosure away from everyone he/she knows is a different situation though, and absolutely cruel.  Now instead of being with you the whole time you're home, your dog sees you for a pretty limited time simply because you will not be around when making supper, watching TV, getting ready for bed, relaxing on the couch, etc.  It often leads to long standing behaviour problems ( barking, destructive problems, sometimes aggression ) as the dog freaks out from the isolation.  Occasionally dogs will adapt to this over time, but an awful lot will never be the same way again.

[SeanMC]

For the record, it's absolute nonsense that keeping a dog in a backyard is 'cruel.'

Growing up, we had many border collies. NEVER did they come in the house, except for one that was injured. They were happy, and enjoyed the freedom. Now, we always had two or three dogs, and since we lived on a ranch they spent most of the day with us while we were working on things.

 They were raised that way from when they were puppies, so I could see it being an adjustment for your dog, but to say having it live outside is cruel is ridiculous.

No one said that all dogs living outside is cruel. Many dogs live happy outside lives, including working ranch or farm dogs.

I said that taking THIS dog who has lived inside for 5 years with their person and then expecting the dog to stay outside all the time, isolated from the family/pack, would be cruel.

[sstants]

The SO and I have a big dog that we both love. He tried to train her off the bed...but no luck. She's a member of the family, and so what if we do a little extra laundry.

Relationships are all about compromise, and moving in with your SO at this point seems like it is going to require a lot of it! Without even talking about your relationship (it is 100% not my place), it seems like you're heading for an uncomfortable roommate situation. I've seen friends of mine with similar issues, and it doesn't end happily! You may be a great couple but terrible roommies. Maybe think about it like that and approach the issue with him as a roommate conversation. Maybe then you will find some common ground and a reasonable solution.

[ncornilsen]

For the record, it's absolute nonsense that keeping a dog in a backyard is 'cruel.'

Growing up, we had many border collies. NEVER did they come in the house, except for one that was injured. They were happy, and enjoyed the freedom. Now, we always had two or three dogs, and since we lived on a ranch they spent most of the day with us while we were working on things.

 They were raised that way from when they were puppies, so I could see it being an adjustment for your dog, but to say having it live outside is cruel is ridiculous.

No one said that all dogs living outside is cruel. Many dogs live happy outside lives, including working ranch or farm dogs.

I said that taking THIS dog who has lived inside for 5 years with their person and then expecting the dog to stay outside all the time, isolated from the family/pack, would be cruel.

Making this dog an outside dog would be unfair, and certainly undesirable. but someone did say all dogs being outside is cruel:

"Where I live we call the cops about "backyard" dogs."

[Basenji]

That was me, I don't live in an area where dogs are herding sheep or running the Iditarod. A dog chained up alone in a yard all the time is being cruelly isolated. A dog on a farm/ranch or otherwise working is obviously totally different.

You even mention that you had several dogs together. To me having a pack also makes a difference.

[sunnyca]

Update: we discussed this issue, and I expressed my concerns about his attitude towards my dog.  The compromise I made was that the dog would stay out of the kitchen and bedrooms, but have free rein elsewhere.  And if he wasn't going to be happy living with me under those circumstances, then, well...

We made a further compromise that the dog would be in the backyard during mealtimes, which I didn't have a problem with.  And that was that.

I'm really concerned that this issue will continue to come up, and that he'll keep trying to push the boundaries on the dog.  I feel that if he decides to be in a relationship with me, he should be able to accept my relationship with my dog.  Otherwise, he should be in a relationship with someone without a dog.

So frustrating.

[Cassie]

The compromise you made is fine but if he tries to get more I would agree with you that he needs a non dog person.

[Basenji]

I hope that arrangement works out for you. Who knows? People can change...

[Spork]

Update: we discussed this issue, and I expressed my concerns about his attitude towards my dog.  The compromise I made was that the dog would stay out of the kitchen and bedrooms, but have free rein elsewhere.  And if he wasn't going to be happy living with me under those circumstances, then, well...

We made a further compromise that the dog would be in the backyard during mealtimes, which I didn't have a problem with.  And that was that.

I'm really concerned that this issue will continue to come up, and that he'll keep trying to push the boundaries on the dog.  I feel that if he decides to be in a relationship with me, he should be able to accept my relationship with my dog.  Otherwise, he should be in a relationship with someone without a dog.

So frustrating.

For what it's worth, I think some boundaries -- even arbitrary ones -- are actually good for a dog, if done with good, effective leadership.  This seems like a possible positive step.

[Fire2025]

Congratulations, I'm really glad you found a compromise, that you both can live with. 

I hope, for your sake, that the kids fall in love with the dog, that will get numbers on your side.

Good luck.