Author Topic: How often do you and your SO/partner have sex?  (Read 2992 times)

fuzzy math

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Re: How often do you and your SO/partner have sex?
« Reply #50 on: February 09, 2024, 06:32:48 PM »
You sound way too immature to help raise 5 kids, I'm hoping for her (and especially the kid's) sake that you move along. I guarantee she puts herself last, and now you've tried putting yourself in front of those 5 kids so she's #7 instead of #6 in priorities.

TreeLeaf

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Re: How often do you and your SO/partner have sex?
« Reply #51 on: February 10, 2024, 03:23:01 AM »
High sex drive/low sex drive is a myth. Sex drive is not a fixed entity. There are things that put the breaks on, things that press the accelerator, and logistical constraints. Sometimes life facilitates frequent sex, and sometimes it gets in the way.
How is it a myth?  Or rather, how is that provable? 

Have you ever read a single textbook on human sexuality? Is this something you've spent a lot of time reading the research on?

Yes, we can observe that drive is variable across people. I'm not denying the existence of observable variance in drive.

I'm talking about the normal application of this term, the use that is in effect here: The half of a couple who wants sex the most has "high drive." The one who wants sex least has "low drive." This is a deeply reductive framing that medicalizes and makes fixed a difference that is in fact deeply influenced by social, psychological, relational, and situational factors (which also profoundly influence biology -- hormone levels themselves are deeply affected by how we spend our time and even how we think).

When we jump immediately to biological determinism and attribute someone's observed drive in a given moment to biology, we are ignoring the many, many highly fixable reasons why someone might not be able to access their feelings of sexual desire as frequently as they would like.

My biggest objection is that "it's biological" is a great way for a man to throw up his hands and say, "Well, she just doesn't have a high enough sex drive!" and never do anything at all that would improve the situation. It's the same handy excuse a man can use to throw up his hands and say, "Well, some women just aren't able to orgasm!" without reading a single book on how to make it happen, or, god forbid, asking his partner what works for her.

"It must be hormones" or "she has low drive" is the go-to excuse of someone who has tried nothing and is all out of ideas.

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OP, I read every post here, and I'm tired of your vague "making assumptions" nonsense. What you have been doing across various threads on this forum is building a case against your girlfriend. Maybe it's a case so you can break up and feel like the good guy. Maybe it's to justify cheating. Maybe it's a case so you can more effectively manipulate her (although I do not think coming to her and saying "So-and-so on the Money Mustache Forums has sex every day! You should be doing that for me!" is likely to have the effect you want it to). Who knows what you're aiming at? Not me! All I know is that your description of your relationship makes it look like you are unhappy, and you want her to change things for you that are probably not within her ability to change, such as her available free time. You say you want a woman who can be alone with you 3-4 nights a week. That is not a woman who is raising five children alone. And yet somehow, you are determined to make yourself the victim here.

Very well said.

OP: If you refuse to talk about your feelings and motivations and intentions then people here will assume things about you and your relationship based on previous things you have stated.

If you don't want people to assume how you feel and what motivated you, might I suggest you open up and talk about your feelings and motivation and intention here?

Sex often has a lot of associated feelings for a man. Some men associate sex with love, so sexual rejection might make a man feel unloved, unwanted...it might make a man feel sad and lose confidence in himself and feel like his romantic partner does not love him. This is why some men react with such anger about sexual rejection - it might literally feel like they are no longer loved.

Sex might also make a man feel emotionally connected with his lover. Sex might literally make a man feel loved.

This is a completely anonymous online forum. No one here knows who you are. There are a lot of women on this forum - actually more women than men. This is a perfectly safe opportunity for you to talk about your feelings, intentions, and motivations.

If you're too scared to talk about your feelings on a completely safe anonymous online forum then we can't help you ....

partgypsy

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Re: How often do you and your SO/partner have sex?
« Reply #52 on: March 12, 2024, 08:54:45 PM »
The only time I was accused of lying on this forum is when I described my sex life.

:D
I too am not going to say anything on the grounds it may incriminate me. But, my kids are essentially grown, and half the time I have the house to myself. Very different situation. I also don't see how a woman w 5 kids and no other parent in the picture, would have the time, space, privacy, energy for sex 3,4 days a week.   
« Last Edit: March 12, 2024, 09:06:30 PM by partgypsy »

partgypsy

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Re: How often do you and your SO/partner have sex?
« Reply #53 on: March 12, 2024, 08:59:46 PM »
Also, can whoever said that hormones make women want sex less after having children kindly (Edit: reconsider this medically unfounded, outdated, and sexist notion)? The biggest wet blanket for women with children is that their partners create a sense of obligation around sex, while doing nothing to relieve the very real drain on their time and energy that comes from raising children. - THIS.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2024, 09:09:27 PM by partgypsy »