Was I violated at the Dentist's office?

[PEIslander]

I was at the dentist to get a impression made for a crown. The technician put the molding material in my mouth and advised me we'd have to wait for it to set. As I sat in the chair, with her behind me out of sight, I was startled when she started to run her fingers through my hair and gently massage my scalp. I didn't say or do anything but I was definitely thinking "this is really weird". It's not like I have great hair that women find irresistible. I don't use AXE shampoo either. I'm just a middle-aged guy with some male-pattern thinning (okay -- I'll say it -- baldness) and hair that's a couple of inches long. When our two-minute wait was up the fingering stopped and the rest of the visit proceeded in a professional way.

The experience struck me as very odd in a funny kind of way. When I returned to my office I told my co-workers and we all had a good laugh. At home I told my wife and we shared a laugh about it. (My wife has the same dentist). I don't want to minimize the seriousness of those that really have been molested at dental or medical offices but do you think the technician's behaviour was unprofessional?  Should I have said something or is even bringing this up here making too much about nothing?

[PEIslander]

Cathy - I'm okay with just thinking of it as an odd experience and would not seek "remedy".

Thank you for all the expertise you bring to these forums. I always learn something from your responses.

[Letj]

Your only potential legal remedy here would be a civil action in battery. Any touching without consent is battery, but the defendant might argue it was a de minimis touching not attracting civil liability. I would be upset with this dentist myself. At the very least, I would never go back, and I might write a letter asking for compensation for the battery.

Note for American readers: In the USA, the tort of battery does not apply to touching that does not cause any real harm, but that is not the case in Canada -- all intentional unauthorised touching is battery in Canada.

Damage awards for battery tend to be small in Canada, even for serious things. If you're going to write a letter, I might ask for $500.

Lol, service with a gentle touch. Sounds like you need to keep going to this dentist and make sure to ask for the same technician. You might get even luckier the next time, lol.

[mc6]

Are you sure you weren't somehow asking for it?  Exuding the essence of Fabio or wearing revealing muscle shirt type attire? 

[lifejoy]

Context is everything, I guess! At the hair salon I am paying more for the head massage than the haircut. What's your dentist's name? I want a head massage!!!!!

[marty998]

I'll have some of that too thankyou very much.

[SaintM]

Are you sure you weren't somehow asking for it?  Exuding the essence of Fabio or wearing revealing muscle shirt type attire?

Are these akin to holding up a sign that says "Rub my head"?

If so, try this line: "Your honor, she was wearing a tight shirt so I had to grab her."

[fa]

Many dental offices now treat patients more like a spa.  Are you sure this was not intended to be like a spa experience?  I would approach the dentist privately and ask.  This is likely a policy in that office and the dentist may not realize that some patients don't like this.  If you dislike the head massage, I would suggest to the dentist that they ask the patient before proceeding.  I think this is very unlikely to be intended as a violation.  The lady who washes my hair at my haircut place also massages my head without asking.  I enjoy it and don't feel violated.  To each their own.  The dentist just needs to be made aware that they should ask the patients.

[happy]

It may have been entirely innocent, maybe it was just to relax/distract you while time was passing. But its never happened to me at the dentist and I'm sure is not part of usual practice in Australia. As a she who uses hair product, I'd be upset that my hairdo had been messed up. Totally different at the hairdresser since its  when they are washing your hair.

The most I'd do is let the dentist know it happened, and you thought it a bit weird. And state whether you want it to happen again or not. 

[Lyssa]

I never had an experience like this at the dentist's but something comparable with a (female) radiologistic assistent who repeatedly stroked my shoulder and arm while telling me how to position my hurt ankle for an x-ray. The procedure was moderately painful so I figured she just wanted to calm me. I remember thinking that this was well intentioned but somehow unprofessional. I would never have complained or sued for damages since she obviously had no intention to harass.

[sheepstache]

Are you sure you weren't somehow asking for it?  Exuding the essence of Fabio or wearing revealing muscle shirt type attire?

Are these akin to holding up a sign that says "Rub my head"?

If so, try this line: "Your honor, she was wearing a tight shirt so I had to grab her."

Yes, that was the joke.

[tomsang]

Cathy scares me.

[2lazy2retire]

I was at the dentist to get a impression made for a crown. The technician put the molding material in my mouth and advised me we'd have to wait for it to set. As I sat in the chair, with her behind me out of sight, I was startled when she started to run her fingers through my hair and gently massage my scalp. I didn't say or do anything but I was definitely thinking "this is really weird". It's not like I have great hair that women find irresistible. I don't use AXE shampoo either. I'm just a middle-aged guy with some male-pattern thinning (okay -- I'll say it -- baldness) and hair that's a couple of inches long. When our two-minute wait was up the fingering stopped and the rest of the visit proceeded in a professional way.

The experience struck me as very odd in a funny kind of way. When I returned to my office I told my co-workers and we all had a good laugh. At home I told my wife and we shared a laugh about it. (My wife has the same dentist). I don't want to minimize the seriousness of those that really have been molested at dental or medical offices but do you think the technician's behaviour was unprofessional?  Should I have said something or is even bringing this up here making too much about nothing?

"When our two-minute wait was up" - the dentist just loved you short time

[pbkmaine]

 Was she from a different culture? My MD holds my hand when we talk, but I have other friends from her country, and that is typical behavior between women.

[I'm a red panda]

That is absolutely bizarre.   I would call the dentist and speak with either the dentist (not the technician) or the office manager. 

If they are doing "spa" services, they should tell you they are giving you a head massage (mmmm... I'd switch to that dentist) before starting it.

And if they aren't - that is SO inappropriate.

[SnackDog]

Would you feel differently if the technician were a well-groomed man?

[lizzie]

Note for American readers: In the USA, the tort of battery does not apply to touching that does not cause any real harm

This is not true. First, it's a state-law claim so it's entirely dependent on the law of the state in which you live. Second, at least in my state, the elements are an intentional, unpermitted offensive contact with another. I'm not an expert on the law of all 50 states but I think this is the usual formulation.

[Eric]

Did it move?

[PEIslander]

Would you feel differently if the technician were a well-groomed man?

Yes, I likely would have found it even more odd.

Did it move?

No, nothing moved if I understand the insinuation. I was more puzzled by the behaviour than aroused. I really don't think she was trying to be provocative in any way. In her job she is touching strangers everyday and I think she might just be getting a little too comfortable with that. In my job there is never any reason to touch a client so a clear boundary exists. With her job that boundary must be a little more blurry.

[PEIslander]

Was she from a different culture?

No I'd say she likely has the same cultural background as me.

[lizzie]

My only concern was that I think a non-lawyer would probably interpret what you said earlier to mean that you can't bring a civil battery claim unless you suffered some kind of physical injury, which isn't the case.

Note for American readers: In the USA, the tort of battery does not apply to touching that does not cause any real harm

This is not true. First, it's a state-law claim so it's entirely dependent on the law of the state in which you live. Second, at least in my state, the elements are an intentional, unpermitted offensive contact with another. I'm not an expert on the law of all 50 states but I think this is the usual formulation.

Thanks for the correction.

I know it's a state law claim and was just referencing an interesting Canadian quirk I describe in the next paragraph. (Canada is a bit different in that tort law is provincial, but since the Supreme Court has jurisdiction to opine on tort law in a way that is binding on all courts in the country, aspects of it end up being federal.)

Anyway, what I was referring to here is that although Canada theoretically maintains the common law rule that touching must be "harmful or offensive" to constitute battery, the real state of the law is that that does not need to be proved. See the discussion in Non-Marine Underwriters, Lloyd's of London v. Scalera, 2000 SCC 24, [2000] 1 SCR 551, at paras 17-26, where the Supreme Court of Canada says that although that common law requirement theoretically still exists in Canada, there is generally no need to prove the offensive or harmful nature of the touching because "...all contact outside the exceptional category of contact that is generally accepted or expected in the course of ordinary life, is prima facie offensive". The state of the law is such that this element is rarely addressed in the cases. (The minority in that case would have found that sexual contact was not offensive unless the plaintiff could prove non-consent, but the majority rejected that proposition.)

As you point out, in the US this is still an element that actually needs to be proved (at least to my understanding), which is what I was referring to. It may be that there is no real difference after all.

[iris lily]

hey OP, some of these responses are off-track. I know that you have no intention of bringing a lawsuit, for heaven's sake. Your are merely sharing an unexpected experience.

I agree that I would find this weird and "new agey" but I live in flyover country.

Let's hear from some Californians since this may be The Latest Thing out there.

[KS]

Let's hear from some Californians since this may be The Latest Thing out there.

Californian here, this has never happened to me! But it is true that more dentists are going for more of a "spa" thing now, so it's possible that was the intent behind this. Still odd she didn't ask or say anything before doing it though. (My dentist does have back-massaging chairs, but they always ask if you want it on or not.)

[PEIslander]

I agree that I would find this weird and "new agey" but I live in flyover country.

What do you mean by "flyover country"? I've never heard that before. Where I live, I love to sit out on the deck (in the summer!) and watch the high altitude jets fly over as we are  under a major transatlantic route. I like to think about what the window seaters must be thinking as they look down on our beautiful little island. (It looks little from 35,000 feet).

When I originally posted I thought the "violated" part might bring in the curious. I did however worry that some might think I was marginalizing those who might really have experienced being violated. I thought it was a funny story that might make people think about their own 'personal space' boundaries. Clearly some think the technician was unprofessional, some just think it is funny. I didn't take Cathy's post as any kind of recommendation to seek a legal remedy. It is good info to help understand that someone can seek a legal remedy if they do really feel violated. Writing this reminds me of my mother-in-law and her first job as a young secretary in the 1950's. Her boss told her to sit on his lap while he dictated a letter! She ran out the door and never came back. I don't think she ever was paid for the hours she did work. Now she deserved "remedy"!

[Eric]

I agree that I would find this weird and "new agey" but I live in flyover country.

What do you mean by "flyover country"? I've never heard that before. Where I live, I love to sit out on the deck (in the summer!) and watch the high altitude jets fly over as we are  under a major transatlantic route. I like to think about what the window seaters must be thinking as they look down on our beautiful little island. (It looks little from 35,000 feet).

Flyover country is a US term to describe (roughly) the area of the country between the two coasts.  The reference being that the "elites" and rich folk live on the coasts and the only time they pass through the middle of the US is when they're flying over it.  It's generally a derogatory term.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flyover_country

[PEIslander]

Thanks Eric. Now when you explain it I do recall hearing the term before. I do live in such a place (between the two centers of the Universe - New York & London) but I'd like to think when they look down on me they kinda wonder how great it would be like to live here.

[bugbaby]

To answer your question, I think yes you got violated but only a tiny bit. Next time you could just say 'that makes me uncomfortable could you pls stop?'

[mwulff]

The only measure of a violation is if you felt violated. And since you had a good laugh about it later I would say definitely not. Personally I might book another appointment at that dentist ;)

[Left]

are you ssure it was really fingers? not the hoses for those tools, not sure what they are called? or maybe you had lint in your hair that she was trying to get but didnt want to bring attention to?

[frugalnacho]

Are you sure you weren't somehow asking for it?  Exuding the essence of Fabio or wearing revealing muscle shirt type attire?

Are these akin to holding up a sign that says "Rub my head"?

If so, try this line: "Your honor, she was wearing a tight shirt so I had to grab her."

Yes, that was the joke.

Seems like this is getting blown out of proportion.  I certainly didn't expect it to only be a short scalp massage based on the thread title.  I might find the behavior a bit strange, but violated?

[mak1277]

30 replies and nobody has asked if she was good looking? 

[forummm]

Maybe she spilled some stuff in your hair and was trying to clean it up before you noticed.

Maybe she's training to be a massage therapist on the side.

[BlueHouse]

I haven't heard about head massages at the Dentist.  Seems kind of icky to have someone's hands in my mouth immediately after they take them out of my hair.  (I know...they wear gloves, but still, it's just the thought of it. 
On the other hand, if the hygienist had asked "would you like a head massage?" I would definitely say yes.  I love them!  I think they should have asked.  I'm sure I would have made some kind of noise of surprise that would have prompted an explanation.