Author Topic: Violation of privacy in the workplace  (Read 11509 times)

Junior667

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Violation of privacy in the workplace
« on: March 01, 2014, 03:00:16 AM »
So I thought I would ask the opinions of what I perceive to be an intelligent group of individuals.

Recently I sent my wife an "adult" item as a gift in my absence. I had it mailed to her workplace, addressed specifically to her, from Amazon. Her office does not order work materials from Amazon and Amazon's packages are clearly marked "Amazon". It was in my wife's name and did not have the company name on it anywhere. Well, my wife usually receives the mail at her company, but it just so happens she wound up in the hospital that morning. So one of her co-workers took it upon themselves to not only open the package for my wife when it was delivered, but to pass it all around their office for a nice laugh at my wifes expense. The next day when my wife came in, her boss pulled her aside to tell her that the employee who opened the package emailed her to tattle about what my wife was "having sent there".  Now her boss is not upset with my wife, but is furious with the office staff. Understandably, my wife is somewhere near fire breathing pissed right now and is wanting to quit. Any one got an opinion on recourse for this very bizzare incident?

HappierAtHome

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2014, 03:05:05 AM »
Don't mail adult toys to the workplace?

Problem solved.

HappierAtHome

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2014, 03:31:11 AM »
Also: I can't answer for anyone else's workplace. But mine is explicit (ha, ha) about employees not being able to use the office as a convenient mailing address. All our mail is routinely opened before we get it, because anything mailed to our work address is assumed to be work related and thus the property of the employer, not the employee to whom it is addressed. A friend received flowers at work from a stalker ex and was given an unofficial warning.

I can see why your wife is upset. I'd be mortified. Heck, I probably wouldn't speak to my partner for a month if he did that.

marty998

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2014, 03:34:23 AM »
Colleagues are probably now all jealous that your wife has fun than them?

HappierAtHome

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2014, 03:44:34 AM »
Colleagues are probably now all jealous that your wife has fun than them?

Sales of the item go through the roof as her colleagues feel the need to keep up with the Joneses?

Junior667

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2014, 03:50:53 AM »
My wife's place of business has no policy about mail delivery for personal items. It is very common for the office staff to receive items at work. However, my wife usually distributes the mail WITHOUT opening it to the other employees.

For the record, she isn't embarrased about the item, she is angry that someone would knowing open mail not intended for them and then run around like 12 year old boys sharing the content and at the same time be like church ladies passing judgement.

She does have a lot more fun than the others. ;)

Gray Matter

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2014, 04:04:24 AM »
I have never had an item addressed to me opened--I would be mad, too.  And how they acted afterwards?  Grow up!

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2014, 06:21:42 AM »
If they are sniggering about an "adult" item, that sounds like sexual harassment. Pointing that out might be enough to scare them into stopping.

Villanelle

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2014, 06:37:16 AM »
It's seems like pretty poor judgement to mail such an item to work.  Sure, it shouldn't have been opened, but why not send that to a home address? 

Having a sex toy in your workplace is never an exceptionally good idea, and you put her in that situation.  Someone sees that--because they are walking by as she opens it, or whatever--and she's suddenly a sexual harassment complaint waiting to happen.

So it shouldn't have been opened and paraded around, but I think you still get a -1 for headwork. 

Kriegsspiel

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2014, 07:10:35 AM »
Anything worth doing... is worth OVER doing. Honestly, the only way that I can see to resolve this situation is to actually have sex at her office, in front of those passive aggressive charlatans. Establish dominance.

arebelspy

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2014, 08:49:47 AM »
Anything worth doing... is worth OVER doing. Honestly, the only way that I can see to resolve this situation is to actually have sex at her office, in front of those passive aggressive charlatans. Establish dominance.

I have to say, between this and your My Little Pony Backpack posts, your content is getting better by the day.  Let me know when you start a blog I can read.
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
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Junior667

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2014, 09:10:27 AM »
Anything worth doing... is worth OVER doing. Honestly, the only way that I can see to resolve this situation is to actually have sex at her office, in front of those passive aggressive charlatans. Establish dominance.

Now that is the kind of advice I was looking for. I am forever in your debt good sir.

windawake

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2014, 09:11:50 AM »
Anything worth doing... is worth OVER doing. Honestly, the only way that I can see to resolve this situation is to actually have sex at her office, in front of those passive aggressive charlatans. Establish dominance.

I have to say, between this and your My Little Pony Backpack posts, your content is getting better by the day.  Let me know when you start a blog I can read.

Agreed.

prosaic

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2014, 10:02:11 AM »
You could send an identical item to the transgressors as a "gift", at the office. No note.

What a bunch of immature jerks.

I could easily see how someone would accidentally send such an item from an Amazon account (when they prompt you to click on the address to send to). So although it was intentional, there are other scenarios just as possible.

Opening another person's mail, unless it's their assistant who has permission to open incoming packages/letters, would be HR actionable at most companies where I've worked.

senecando

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2014, 10:21:16 AM »
Where I work, we're explicitly allowed to send personal items to work. So, it's not unheard of that this would be a normal thing to do.

NWOutlier

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #15 on: March 01, 2014, 10:25:12 AM »
Isn't it illegal to open someone else's mail? 

senecando

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #16 on: March 01, 2014, 10:31:42 AM »
Isn't it illegal to open someone else's mail?

I was just thinking that. Found this: http://blogs.findlaw.com/blotter/2014/01/is-it-illegal-to-open-someone-elses-mail.html

It could be specific to USPS?

NWOutlier

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #17 on: March 01, 2014, 11:00:26 AM »
Thanks!

This stuck out to me immediately

"1. You Accidentally Open a Letter Addressed to Someone Else.

Since most of us grab our mail from our mailboxes and open letters without a second thought, it is entirely possible to open someone else's mail by mistake.

"Mistakes like this are not illegal. But what you do after you realize your mistake is important."



Bad co-workers!


AlanStache

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #18 on: March 01, 2014, 11:04:23 AM »
Not sure you really can 'do anything' (other than establish dominance) but it has demonstrated the type of people she works with.  In my office we get several personal deliveries most days, before xmass I think we averaged 5-10 amazon boxes per day.  Never had a problem like this as far as I know.  Seems stupid that the boss might have to make an official policy not to open others mail, would be nice to be working with adults.

Hope she was fine after the hospital.

Eric

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #19 on: March 01, 2014, 11:18:28 AM »
These people are so repressed.  Is it really that surprising to learn that people masturbate?  I thought everyone did it.

I would tackle it very matter-of-fact-ly.  At this point, there's not much she can do other than own it.  If she isn't embarrassed by it, it will cease to be something anyone cares about.  Yes I own a vibrator.  It's wonderful.  Now about these reports...

« Last Edit: March 01, 2014, 11:21:39 AM by Eric »

ShortInSeattle

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #20 on: March 01, 2014, 12:24:18 PM »
Former HR person here. It was bad judgement for you to send it to her workplace, and equally bad judgement for the coworkers to pass it around. Especially the person who opened the package. They should have raised am eyebrow and boxed that thing right back up.

Nothing to do now but move on, but I'd say you learned a lesson and everyone involved owes an apology to your wife - although she is unlikely to receive them it sounds like.

Most mail that arrives at a business is treated as business mail. Supply orders come in the name of the person who ordered them, whoever is available will usually put the items away. As far as people know it's the new office stapler or some toner cartridges. Not every company has the same rules, but what happened wasn't illegal and probably should have been anticipated.

If the jokes continue, your wife should say one time something like "Obviously I was embarrassed by my husband's gift being shown around in my absence. I would hope you'd all have more respect for me than that. Please stop the commentary. I'm serious."

If they continue, go right to HR or the boss and file a hostile workplace complaint.

And keep the kinky stuff at home. ;)

minimalist

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #21 on: March 01, 2014, 12:34:53 PM »
It's seems like pretty poor judgement to mail such an item to work.  Sure, it shouldn't have been opened, but why not send that to a home address? 

Having a sex toy in your workplace is never an exceptionally good idea, and you put her in that situation.  Someone sees that--because they are walking by as she opens it, or whatever--and she's suddenly a sexual harassment complaint waiting to happen.

So it shouldn't have been opened and paraded around, but I think you still get a -1 for headwork.

+1

Dicey

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #22 on: March 01, 2014, 10:31:51 PM »
You could send an identical item to the transgressors as a "gift", at the office. No note.
What a bunch of immature jerks.

This.
But then I thought of this twist: Make a list of every person involved. Once a week, send one of them something from the same place. Something small, so you don't break your budget. It doesn't even have to be "adult", but it must come from Amazon. Can you imagine worrying about when your turn was going to come and what would be in the box? This is the only way I can think of for your wife to turn the tables on them. Imagine her anticipation, knowing who was going to be next and what would be in their box. I really, really want it to be sex toys, but don't want your wife to get into trouble, so I think I'd stick to things that have multiple meanings as much as possible. You can have fun together working out what the "gifts" will be and what order you plan on sending them.

Junior667

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #23 on: March 02, 2014, 05:48:45 AM »
You could send an identical item to the transgressors as a "gift", at the office. No note.
What a bunch of immature jerks.

This.
But then I thought of this twist: Make a list of every person involved. Once a week, send one of them something from the same place. Something small, so you don't break your budget. It doesn't even have to be "adult", but it must come from Amazon. Can you imagine worrying about when your turn was going to come and what would be in the box? This is the only way I can think of for your wife to turn the tables on them. Imagine her anticipation, knowing who was going to be next and what would be in their box. I really, really want it to be sex toys, but don't want your wife to get into trouble, so I think I'd stick to things that have multiple meanings as much as possible. You can have fun together working out what the "gifts" will be and what order you plan on sending them.

I love this answer. If it wasn't contrary to my goal of FI I would totally order the absolute biggest and scariest toys I could and send them to her coworkers. There are some wild things out there!

Kriegsspiel

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #24 on: March 02, 2014, 09:43:21 AM »
Combine that get-everyone-involved sentiment with MY suggestion and you've got a pretty wild story for the grandkids.

GuitarStv

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #25 on: March 03, 2014, 11:24:12 AM »
Gotta say . . . That's not something that I'd have mailed to a workplace, regardless of circumstance.  What the other people did (and are likely continuing on doing) is nothing short of harassment though.  I'd definitely get HR involved, sooner than later.


Combine that get-everyone-involved sentiment with MY suggestion and you've got a pretty wild story for the grandkids.


 . . . and make no mistake . . . grandkids will be a likely outcome.

Spork

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #26 on: March 03, 2014, 11:34:57 AM »

I'm guessing the reason this went to the workplace was that "forbiddenm fun 'I might get caught' dirty feeling" -- Right?  No harm in that EXCEPT -- you actually might get caught.

It's embarrassing.  It's a giggle for everyone.  But -- to be honest -- this was a possible foreseeable outcome.  This possible outcome is what makes it fun.  It's also what makes it not so fun.

Be glad she's busy being mortified at work and not crucifying you.

MandyM

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #27 on: March 03, 2014, 11:37:44 AM »
How big is her office/company? I'm not sure it makes a huge difference, but I work in a small office and I think I would handle it differently here vs. a large office.

CommonCents

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #28 on: March 03, 2014, 12:21:44 PM »
Former HR person here. It was bad judgement for you to send it to her workplace, and equally bad judgement for the coworkers to pass it around. Especially the person who opened the package. They should have raised am eyebrow and boxed that thing right back up.

Nothing to do now but move on, but I'd say you learned a lesson and everyone involved owes an apology to your wife - although she is unlikely to receive them it sounds like.

Most mail that arrives at a business is treated as business mail. Supply orders come in the name of the person who ordered them, whoever is available will usually put the items away. As far as people know it's the new office stapler or some toner cartridges. Not every company has the same rules, but what happened wasn't illegal and probably should have been anticipated.

If the jokes continue, your wife should say one time something like "Obviously I was embarrassed by my husband's gift being shown around in my absence. I would hope you'd all have more respect for me than that. Please stop the commentary. I'm serious."

If they continue, go right to HR or the boss and file a hostile workplace complaint.

And keep the kinky stuff at home. ;)

+1

You were a complete idiot.  Her coworkers were insensitive. 
I hope you apologize - profusely - to your wife.  You really shouldn't send personal items through the office mail, much less items of *that* nature.  And I hope it blows over soon for your wife.  If it doesn't, I'd suggest she talk to HR.  (Wait first though because otherwise involving HR can make it bigger).

Elaine

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #29 on: March 03, 2014, 12:29:14 PM »
At least she can relax after work? ;)

Letj

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #30 on: March 18, 2014, 10:47:41 AM »
Doesn't common sense dictates that the office address should not be used for personal mail and certainly not for mailing sex toys or anything that should not be seen by anyone but the recipient?. In some offices, especially the smaller ones, one person routinely opens the mail and delivers them. Your wife should be spitting fire at you; not the person who opened the mail.  If I opened the mail and found such an item, I would not pass it around but I would find it hilarious and might tell one of my friends at the office.

iris lily

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #31 on: March 20, 2014, 06:36:45 PM »
So I thought I would ask the opinions of what I perceive to be an intelligent group of individuals.

Recently I sent my wife an "adult" item as a gift in my absence. I had it mailed to her workplace, addressed specifically to her, from Amazon. Her office does not order work materials from Amazon and Amazon's packages are clearly marked "Amazon". It was in my wife's name and did not have the company name on it anywhere. Well, my wife usually receives the mail at her company, but it just so happens she wound up in the hospital that morning. So one of her co-workers took it upon themselves to not only open the package for my wife when it was delivered, but to pass it all around their office for a nice laugh at my wifes expense. The next day when my wife came in, her boss pulled her aside to tell her that the employee who opened the package emailed her to tattle about what my wife was "having sent there".  Now her boss is not upset with my wife, but is furious with the office staff. Understandably, my wife is somewhere near fire breathing pissed right now and is wanting to quit. Any one got an opinion on recourse for this very bizzare incident?

Recourse? Please recognize that you made a bad judgement call. While 99% of the time it would have been ok, this time it was not. You bad.

My department received hundreds of boxes every week. If one of my employees had a box mailed to them at work and then it was opened or lost, I'd be furious at them. That is THEIR problem, not one that I own.

iris lily

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #32 on: March 20, 2014, 06:38:29 PM »
Anything worth doing... is worth OVER doing. Honestly, the only way that I can see to resolve this situation is to actually have sex at her office, in front of those passive aggressive charlatans. Establish dominance.
omg laughing up a storm here.:)

fantabulous

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Re: Violation of privacy in the workplace
« Reply #33 on: March 20, 2014, 08:23:20 PM »
You could send an identical item to the transgressors as a "gift", at the office. No note.
What a bunch of immature jerks.

This.
But then I thought of this twist: Make a list of every person involved. Once a week, send one of them something from the same place. Something small, so you don't break your budget. It doesn't even have to be "adult", but it must come from Amazon. Can you imagine worrying about when your turn was going to come and what would be in the box? This is the only way I can think of for your wife to turn the tables on them. Imagine her anticipation, knowing who was going to be next and what would be in their box. I really, really want it to be sex toys, but don't want your wife to get into trouble, so I think I'd stick to things that have multiple meanings as much as possible. You can have fun together working out what the "gifts" will be and what order you plan on sending them.

I love this answer. If it wasn't contrary to my goal of FI I would totally order the absolute biggest and scariest toys I could and send them to her coworkers. There are some wild things out there!

Crisco and latex gloves are pretty inexpensive. Maybe throw in a Rick Astley CD.