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Other => Off Topic => Topic started by: Nick_Miller on November 01, 2018, 12:06:35 PM

Title: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Nick_Miller on November 01, 2018, 12:06:35 PM
Yeah I'm sure I sound like a grumpy old man, but we sure have traded our privacy for convenience/safety/etc.

My wife suggested I install this Life360 app on my phone. She already uses it to track our teen daughter. She gets dings and such when daughter gets to school, gets home, etc. She apparently likes knowing, but I really don't feel the need. She takes the bus, and the bus stop is like 25 feet from our house. She's a good kid, responsible, etc.

So anyway back to me...

I checked out this app and I'm like, "Eh, I don't think I want this."

I mean, we already have "Find My iPhone" on our phones, so if someone really wants to see where someone else is located, they can tap in there and see.

But this Life360 thing takes it so much farther; it shows your whereabouts from location to location for the last 48 hours, it shows how fast you drive, it can be set up to "ding" when a user leaves or arrives at a certain place like school or work. I just think it's TOO much, especially for an adult, but perhaps even for a kid. I mean, just because we CAN pry this much into others' lives doesn't mean we SHOULD.

I really don't want to be nagged if I head in for a quick (bad for me) McDonalds snack, or take a two-hour lunch with friends, or even if I leave work 30 minutes early. Isn't there any room for privacy in a marriage? Or will people always come back with the knee jerk, "Well if you aren't hiding anything, why object to it?" questions.

Thoughts?
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: bacchi on November 01, 2018, 12:17:42 PM
Why do you care? Are you cheating on your spouse?

Really, though, I agree. In an important matter, you use text ("Call me!!!!"). In an emergency, there's Find My Phone or the po-po can track the tower pings. This is tracking for tracking's sake. It ultimately replaces trust through emotional connections with trust through an app.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Zikoris on November 01, 2018, 12:22:08 PM
Yeah, that's pretty messed up. No way in hell would I be cool with that. Maybe for a designated short time in VERY specific circumstances, like if I was going to do something really dangerous and might need someone to send help, but otherwise, forget it.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: LifeHappens on November 01, 2018, 12:22:53 PM
I'll preface this by saying I'm 41, a little paranoid about Big Brother and I have a piece of tape over my laptop's web cam.

That app sounds gross. Not a parent, but I would not want that level of monitoring ability on my otherwise well behaved kid and I certainly would not want it for my spouse. That being said, it's meeting some kind of emotional need for your wife and that is worth a conversation. There may be other means of meeting those needs that don't amount to you having an electronic ankle bracelet attached to your body 24/7.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: ixtap on November 01, 2018, 12:24:40 PM
Why does anyone want their phone to ping more often for such mundane crap??

I also think kids need more opportunities to build doing the right thing (or choosing not to) based on morals, rather than tracking.

Maybe your wife just wants to feel like Mrs. Weasley?
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: PoutineLover on November 01, 2018, 12:28:00 PM
That's way too far. It doesn't matter if you are cheating or not, it's just a huge invasion of privacy for anyone, spouse or child. I can understand using a GPS to track kids I guess, although I still think it's a bit paranoid, but I would absolutely say no to a tracking app like that and seriously question why she'd want to use it in the first place. Is it insecurity, or fear? She might need counseling..
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Kris on November 01, 2018, 12:28:35 PM
I totally agree.

We installed the Find my iPhone on each other's phones a while ago. I promptly forgot all about it. Then, over the next few months, DH would randomly say things during conversation indicating he knew where I was at this time or that time... and I realized he'd been using the app to check my location from time to time.

I eventually told him, "So, I'm not exactly bothered by this, but it feels a little stalker-y."

Thankfully, he got it. So, either he doesn't do it as much anymore, or doesn't tell me. Either way, I'm happier. Those apps are creepy.

Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: joonifloofeefloo on November 01, 2018, 12:34:37 PM
It doesn’t appeal to me, but I don’t think I’d be bothered by an awesome spouse using it on me. I can see great applications with some special needs (e.g. dementia; wandering feature in autism), but otherwise no. It would suck for when you’re trying to plan a surprise for your spouse, like running to the store to grab flowers, or going to ballroom dance class every Thursday at 3 for 6 weeks in prep for your 50th anniversary party. Why would we want to eliminate such surprises from our trusty beloved? But man, if my spouse or I went missing, I’d be so so so happy we had this!

Pros and cons, pros and cons.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: diapasoun on November 01, 2018, 12:36:53 PM
Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope nope.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Aelias on November 01, 2018, 12:42:33 PM
Going to pile on and say this is too much -- even for a child.  Part of growing up is learning to take risks, make mistakes, and recover from them.  Even my relatively tame teenage years included things like driving too fast and hanging out places I shouldn't.  Most times I got away with it, but sometimes I didn't.  Learning to tell the truth, even when you know you broke the rules and you're going to get yelled at, is a fucking life skill.  Learning that there's a good chance you'll get caught lying and even if you don't, you'll feel bad is also a fucking life skill.  Both of these life skills fit into the broader category of building trust in a relationship which is a fucking vital life skill.  If your parents know where you are and what you're up to every second of the day, there's no opportunity for a kid to build trust or, equally important, rebuild after trust has been damaged.  Depriving your kids of the opportunity to learn those skills is borderline parental malpractice.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: I'm a red panda on November 01, 2018, 12:50:10 PM
We don't use one of these. But during my highest anxiety times, I make my husband text me when he leaves locations and gets to a new one.

There are times where I literally have panic attacks because I'm worried he was hit by a car again.  Even with the texts, he's found me home in tears curled in a ball in the closet because his ride was super windy and took an extra 15 minutes I wasn't expecting.
I've had to go to the ER multiple times due to these attacks. There have been periods of my life where I haven't been able to function normally because of the anxiety.


So my thought- find out the underlying cause why your life wants to "track" you.  Then see if you can seek treatment if there is a reason for it.  Because it really isn't normal to need to know where someone is every minute of every day.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Mississippi Mudstache on November 01, 2018, 12:57:26 PM
That'd be a hard pass from me. I can't even imagine my wife asking me to install an app like that.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: lhamo on November 01, 2018, 01:44:35 PM
Nope, nope, nope.  For me, absent a dementia diagnosis or something similarly disabling/risk inducing, this crosses the line into pathological behavior.  I have a history of abusive/controlling relationships, so would be a huge red flag for me.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: OtherJen on November 01, 2018, 03:46:41 PM
Yeah, that's pretty messed up. No way in hell would I be cool with that. Maybe for a designated short time in VERY specific circumstances, like if I was going to do something really dangerous and might need someone to send help, but otherwise, forget it.

This. Maybe it's because I grew up with overprotective and slightly paranoid parents, or maybe it's because I recently watched a friend escape an abusive and controlling spouse, but this app seems unhealthy.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: RetiredAt63 on November 01, 2018, 03:52:29 PM
I don't like it either.

DD asked me to text her when I leave and arrive at a destination after a long drive, but that is because she is in another city and worries about me being older (I refuse to type old) and alone.  That is as far as  I am willing to go for her worries.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Prairie Stash on November 01, 2018, 05:12:10 PM
No, just NO.

I would respond to the knee jerk with, "why would you feel a need to monitor me, don't you trust me?" I get that Big Brother doesn't trust me, but I wouldn't want to put my spouse in the same category as Big Brother.

If I had dementia and they put it on my phone, it would be precisely because they don't trust me (with good cause).

As for a spouse cheating, if they're going to cheat this would make it easier...just leave the phone at a gym or work. Now they have an App for their alibi. But if you suspect cheating you have paranoia in a relationship and its probably doomed anyhow. 
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Nick_Miller on November 02, 2018, 08:24:29 AM
Well.....in perhaps a forum first, there is 100% agreement on an issue.

And I'm surprised since SOME people are apparently fans of this app out in the "real world."

I'm ignoring my wife's invite, and if she asks me why I didn't accept it, I'll just say I don't think spying on our daughter is necessary, and then I'll change the subject. Not gonna put more mental energy into this.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: joonifloofeefloo on November 02, 2018, 10:44:34 AM
No, I wasn’t firmly in the no column. I think it depends, and it wouldn’t bother me in a trusty, established marriage.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Aelias on November 02, 2018, 10:50:56 AM
Well.....in perhaps a forum first, there is 100% agreement on an issue.

And I'm surprised since SOME people are apparently fans of this app out in the "real world."

I'm ignoring my wife's invite, and if she asks me why I didn't accept it, I'll just say I don't think spying on our daughter is necessary, and then I'll change the subject. Not gonna put more mental energy into this.

Now, that strikes me as passive-aggressive.  If you've got a problem with the app, either for yourself or your daughter, go talk to your wife about it.  Don't just ghost her invite.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Sugaree on November 02, 2018, 10:54:39 AM
We've considered that, but only because we are building a case for wage theft against my husband's employer.  We need to show when he was at work and when he wasn't.  That's like the only reason I can think of to have something like that on an adult's phone.  If I need to find him I can use Find my Phone (though usually we use the way it was intended to find his phone after he's lost it....again).
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: I'm a red panda on November 02, 2018, 11:00:09 AM
No, I wasn’t firmly in the no column. I think it depends, and it wouldn’t bother me in a trusty, established marriage.

Agree, I wasn't firmly in the no column.  I was "no- but you need to find out where the request comes from."
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Nick_Miller on November 02, 2018, 12:41:52 PM
Okay, I guess I misspoke about the 100 percent agreement!

But my answer is still "hard pass."   I might phrase it more nicely.




Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: onlykelsey on November 02, 2018, 12:46:16 PM
I'm in the hard pass camp, as well.

BUT I do wonder if there's a sort of.. "pinging" application where when someone pings you you can consent (automatically or on a one off basis) to pinging them back.  That'd be useful after work when my husband and I are on different subway lines and trying to figure out who will pick up baby.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Bracken_Joy on November 02, 2018, 12:50:02 PM
I think this is excessive for sure. HOWEVER. My husband and I do have it set up to "share location". I really appreciate this feature- he's a consultant that works long hours, all over a couple states. Given the <client site> rules about cell phone use, he often *can't* call or text me. And too often, an "I'm leaving soon" text turns out to be false because of an unexpected emergency at the work site. And his hours are wildly variable, as is the traffic depending on the time of day. If I'm trying to figure out my dinner plans, or need to know if I should stay awake so I can see him get home, it's nice to be able to check where he is so I can plan accordingly. If he's still 4 hours away, I'm not staying awake, haha. Anyway, just another perspective for why a spouse might want a "creepy" app or feature like that. That being said, I feel like putting this on a kid's phone is pretty problematic. Either you don't have reasons to mistrust them, or they'll figure out a way around it. I feel like this is something where there needs to be consent/agreement about its use!
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: diapasoun on November 02, 2018, 12:51:05 PM
BUT I do wonder if there's a sort of.. "pinging" application where when someone pings you you can consent (automatically or on a one off basis) to pinging them back.  That'd be useful after work when my husband and I are on different subway lines and trying to figure out who will pick up baby.

Are you talking about location pings? If just regular pings, then texts. ;) But for location pings, presumably you could use something with dropping a pin? Maybe less helpful if you're on moving transit, but.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Bracken_Joy on November 02, 2018, 12:51:37 PM
I'm in the hard pass camp, as well.

BUT I do wonder if there's a sort of.. "pinging" application where when someone pings you you can consent (automatically or on a one off basis) to pinging them back.  That'd be useful after work when my husband and I are on different subway lines and trying to figure out who will pick up baby.

Google maps has exactly that feature. =) FWIW.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Noodle on November 02, 2018, 02:24:36 PM
The app sounds WAY too intrusive. That said, my extended family has the "Find Your Friends" app set up among us. I mostly use it to find out if my mom is in a convenient place when I want to call her, or when we are trying to coordinate a bunch of different people, to find out when to expect them all for dinner. My family lives a long way away, and as a single woman I like the safety of knowing that they can find my phone's location if they can't reach me. That said, my sibling in town and I have chosen not to link our phones. My mom doesn't know my city well enough to know what I am likely to be doing at any given place, but my sibling does. My brother with teenagers makes them keep their GPS turned on, but that's mostly because they are growing up in a really big city and travel around independently quite a bit. We all grew up in a small town and if we got up to anything our parents had probably gotten a phone call before we made it home, but my brother doesn't have that option.

However, I am well aware that this all works because nobody abuses it. A lot of families couldn't handle that level of info about each other.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: lollylegs on November 02, 2018, 02:34:06 PM
no way! not for kids, not for spouses.

 How are kids meant to learn to navigate the world and solve their own problems when parents are watching them all day long?  these types of things just teach people that the world is really dangerous and you can't rely on yourself  if something unexpected happens.

I often don't check my phone for a day or two, DH is on his phone non stop and out with his friends cycling everyday. I could think of nothing more annoying than being notified of everything he does - thats his business.  Been together 40 years & part of why that has worked is because we both have our own separate lives as well as our life as a couple.

Just day no.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Goldielocks on November 02, 2018, 02:34:29 PM
I actually use this with DH.

I am the one in the family with a "don't really like cell phones" "I don't like to be tracked" and "I Don't respond to texts within a 2 hour window", and "My phone is often turned off, sorry!" sort.

The key is that you don't ask the person "why were you at X"?  when you have it activated.  I mean, we are adults and can do and go wherever we like, right?   We actually had MIL in our "circle" and removed her when she randomly asked her grand daughter about why she was downtown so late at night.  It was weird so grandma and every non-essential person is cut off.

Instead, it is helpful for me to check if he is still at work or stuck in traffic.   If I run out for errands and take a couple extra hours, (and I often do this without telling anyone where I am off to) they can look and think "oh, she is at Home Depot" or "ok, she is at her parents".

It has helped with my feeling of independence greatly to not have to check in / notify / get blamed for not telling my DH what I am up to.   Based on knowing where I am currently at, most of the texting / questions / calls are eliminated.  They can usually guess how long I will be based on where I am currently.



ETA -- this was especially helpful when I was work travelling a lot.   DH could see what city I was in that day.   He could also see that I was in another city's airport and unlikely to make it home for dinner in the next hour, or the time that the plane took off.  (He often forgot my schedule, and I often forgot to remind him before I left, I only told him as trips were booked the week prior).
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Johnez on November 02, 2018, 02:40:02 PM
I'm in the hard pass camp, as well.

BUT I do wonder if there's a sort of.. "pinging" application where when someone pings you you can consent (automatically or on a one off basis) to pinging them back.  That'd be useful after work when my husband and I are on different subway lines and trying to figure out who will pick up baby.

Google maps has exactly that feature. =) FWIW.

Now that's perfectly useful and noninvasive. It'll probably get axed one of these days lol!
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: onlykelsey on November 02, 2018, 02:44:27 PM
I'm in the hard pass camp, as well.

BUT I do wonder if there's a sort of.. "pinging" application where when someone pings you you can consent (automatically or on a one off basis) to pinging them back.  That'd be useful after work when my husband and I are on different subway lines and trying to figure out who will pick up baby.

Google maps has exactly that feature. =) FWIW.

Now that's perfectly useful and noninvasive. It'll probably get axed one of these days lol!
Yeah, thanks @Bracken_Joy !
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: FIFoFum on November 02, 2018, 03:01:43 PM
I'm in the chorus of NOPEs. I feel strongly enough about the surveilance being unhealthy that I would suggest advocating on behalf of your daughter's privacy to your wife to get her to stop using it to track your daughter too.

Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: joonifloofeefloo on November 02, 2018, 03:08:39 PM
How are kids meant to learn to navigate the world and solve their own problems when parents are watching them all day long?

Having a tracking app ≠ watching a person all day long.

If I were married to someone so bored, anxious, or obsessed that they felt the need to make use of the app constantly, that would be a far bigger concern to me than anything. I would want out on the count of their severe boredom, nonproductivity, anxiety, or abuse red flag. But if a trusted partner just wanted one to access "just in case"? Sure.

What about a balance? An app so that if someone is missing or whatever it can be accessed, but we don't sit around gazing at someone else's mapping all day long?
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: big_owl on November 06, 2018, 04:37:11 PM
My wife and I use Life360...I don't think either of us use it to spy on each other.  I like to use it so I can see how far she is when driving to/from the airport or coming home from work.  It helps me plan on when she will arrive home after a week of travel.  Or when one of us is out doing chores we can see how close they are to returning home.  We have it set up with various waypoints (work locations, airports, or points along the route to airports).  I get a notification when she arrives at dulles airport, for example.  I lie it quite a bit.  When she used to work in an office I would get a notification when she left work so I knew she was on her way home and that I better start making dinner soon so it'd be ready when she got home.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Freedom2016 on November 06, 2018, 09:42:04 PM
This morning a client told me she uses this with her teenager. "It's great, I can tell where he is, where he's been ,how fast he was driving, how fast his FRIEND was driving if he was in their car..."

I recoiled on the inside. Then asked what her son thinks of it. She said he likes it!

Yikes. Personally, I hope I don't succumb to this as my kids get older. I want them to develop an internal locus of control and drive the speed limit not b/c "mom's watching" but because it's a safety and responsibility thing.


Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Sugaree on November 07, 2018, 05:38:12 AM
My kid (who is only 5 at this point) would have to have done something to really screw up to make me resort to this.  But my kid's already going to hate me because anything that he even thinks about doing, his dad or I have already done and probably gotten away with.  Like calling home from Bourbon St. and telling mom that he's "camping down the street" (We don't live in LA). 
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Linea_Norway on November 07, 2018, 06:35:48 AM
Such apps freak me out in general. I standard have the GPS and mobile data in my phone turned off, because I don't want Google & Co to know my whereabouts all the time. But I'm afraid they know a lot anyway, based on the position from several base stations. I just don't like be traced all the time, because of the big brother idea. They know everything I surf already and all my payments are electronically traceable.

If I want to make dinner and are uncertain about when DH will be home, I occasionally text or call him. We typically also inform each other if we expect to be home for dinner much later than usual.
I can understand that some people above in this thread use a traceability app when one of them travels a lot. Then you can avoid a lot of texting with your spouse.
My phone also has a "trace my phone" system. But I can enter it from a computer with my samsung account. No need to install it on DH's phone.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: I'm a red panda on November 07, 2018, 06:41:11 AM
How are kids meant to learn to navigate the world and solve their own problems when parents are watching them all day long?

Having a tracking app ≠ watching a person all day long.

If I were married to someone so bored, anxious, or obsessed that they felt the need to make use of the app constantly, that would be a far bigger concern to me than anything. I would want out on the count of their severe boredom, nonproductivity, anxiety, or abuse red flag. But if a trusted partner just wanted one to access "just in case"? Sure.

What about a balance? An app so that if someone is missing or whatever it can be accessed, but we don't sit around gazing at someone else's mapping all day long?

You would want out due to anxiety?  Is that true of any mental health issue? OUCH.  How about helping them get help?
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: partgypsy on November 07, 2018, 08:15:00 AM
Hmm I think the find my phone app would be useful, because yes I misplace my phone at times.

I can also see uses of having the 360 on a child, one that is using public transportation or split households. Not that you would be constantly monitoring it, but it gives you a way to check in.

Hard pass on using it on a spouse. Something about it seems icky to me. I guess it's only use might be if you had a spouse who previously cheated, had sex addiction and they agreed to install app to be more accountable to themselves and spouse. Maybe it could be used as a transition so the spouse has trust on the partner. But having it as part of every day life, you are partners, not each other's authority figures. Also if people wanted to they would find a way around it, including using a 2nd phone without the app. It doesn't address the underlying issue of spouse not trusting the other, and/or spouse being untrustworthy.

Best use would be for parent or family member who had dementia, uncontrolled diabetes etc where there is safety concern.

Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Indio on November 07, 2018, 09:51:41 AM
I'm totally in the anti-gov, big brother, spying/tracking, without a warrant camp, but I have Life 360 installed on my kids phones. I have one creepy neighbor, who has said and done some wacky things, so I installed it for an added level of confidence. I don't pay for the app so it only gives 2 alerts, which I set up - when they arrive at school and when they leave. When I have work trips, I don't worry as much since I can tell where they are. The problem is that they use up the phone battery very quickly and app, of course, doesn't work. If I don't hear from them, I can check app and see they are at a friend's house and probably staying for dinner, and then I don't SMS. 

I've used the app also for tracking when to pick them up from after school activities. When they go on field trips, track meets etc, I can see where the bus is and time when I need to pick them up. They frequently have no idea how far they are from school and won't pull it up on waze. This way I'm not sitting in the school parking lot for 15 mins while I wait for the bus to arrive.

According to the youngest, they have also used to the app to track me. When they see my flight has landed and I'm driving back from airport, they rush to clean up the house mess before I get home. :)
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Goldielocks on November 07, 2018, 10:14:22 AM


Hard pass on using it on a spouse. Something about it seems icky to me. I guess it's only use might be if you had a spouse who previously cheated, had sex addiction and they agreed to install app to be more accountable to themselves and spouse. Maybe it could be used as a transition so the spouse has trust on the partner. But having it as part of every day life, you are partners, not each other's authority figures. Also if people wanted to they would find a way around it, including using a 2nd phone without the app. It doesn't address the underlying issue of spouse not trusting the other, and/or spouse being untrustworthy.


I must say, I use 360 with my spouse (and not my teens), and I find the reasoning ^^ to use it as really, well, gross.

If you are getting through a cheating relationship, you need to build more trust, not less, and the Life 360 is a way to erode trust, build on your fears, create reasons to nag about "where have you been?"  especially for the person who is monitoring it.  Yuck.

I think it is an amazing tool when you fully trust your partner about basic things... and vice versa, because you don't really ever use it except as an easier way / more convenience than texting each other where you are at.

hmmm... I guess that is the purpose, Life 360 is not about tracking a partner, per se,  it is about convenience on something that you have no issues with your partner knowing -- i.e., where you are (or where your phone is).

I would rate it more like a "find my car" ap for the parking lot, or the ability to use an ap to unlock your car when your keys are inside.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: ketchup on November 07, 2018, 10:22:32 AM
Yeah, that app is super gross.  I heard about it recently used in the context of teenagers, and if that shit had been around (and my parents wanted to use it) when I was a teenager I probably would just go without a smartphone (I didn't buy a cell phone until 18 in 2009 anyway).  No thanks.

GF and I have Find My iPhone configured in case of emergency, and that's enough "insurance" for us.  Any more than that feels like fucking Black Mirror (Arkangel).
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: merula on November 07, 2018, 10:39:18 AM
Chronic illness or disability would be the only reason I can see for using this for an adult, either mobility/memory issues on the part of the tracked spouse, or anxiety issues on the part of the tracking spouse.

In either case, I'd want a medical professional to weigh in on whether this is helpful. In the case of memory issues, is this a reactive approach when it'd be better to have proactive barriers in place? In the case of anxiety, does it actually serve as reassurance, or would it exacerbate the issue?
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Hedge_87 on November 07, 2018, 12:33:36 PM
I am in the hard pass camp. We life pretty scheduled lives in a small community. I sometimes work irregular hours. I let my wife know when I know I am going to be late to plan accordingly. Most of the time I don't know how late so that is all that is said. She will text me when she arrives when she has to drive out of town for meetings. She did this on her own accord. She says it is because she doesn't want me worrying she hit a deer or something which I guess is good. As for kids, again living in a small community is pretty helpful there. Word travels fast and I will probably hear about anything junior does before he gets home.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Linea_Norway on November 08, 2018, 12:40:43 AM
When I mentioned this topic to DH yesterday, he showed me that we have a "find my (his) iPhone" app on the iPad at home. If I would open the app, I can see where his phone is. So in theory I could spy on his whereabouts, I just didn't know that. I will of course not do that and DH didn't make more fuss about it.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: YoungGranny on November 08, 2018, 06:23:39 AM
My husband and I share our location via Google. It's been helpful in case one of us left our phones somewhere or sometimes since we work in different cities we meet up in an independent location so it can be helpful if we say meet at X park to see if we're both close or at opposite ends of the park etc. Another time I frequently check it is when he travels home at the end of the week, he shuts his wifi off when the plane takes off and I know the flight time is Y minutes so I know when to get to the airport (we only have 1 car). I will say we rarely/never check in on each other outside of unique circumstances where it's actually helpful but it's worked well for us. YMMV
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Bracken_Joy on November 08, 2018, 07:34:42 AM
My husband and I share our location via Google. It's been helpful in case one of us left our phones somewhere or sometimes since we work in different cities we meet up in an independent location so it can be helpful if we say meet at X park to see if we're both close or at opposite ends of the park etc. Another time I frequently check it is when he travels home at the end of the week, he shuts his wifi off when the plane takes off and I know the flight time is Y minutes so I know when to get to the airport (we only have 1 car). I will say we rarely/never check in on each other outside of unique circumstances where it's actually helpful but it's worked well for us. YMMV

Yeah we're in the same boat. I feel like in a healthy or trusting relationship, it can be a positive.

One story I had forgotten on my post above: my husband works at various client sites. They're large industrial sites. At one point, it was on the radio that there was a fire at the site he was at. Now obviously I don't want to call during sheer chaos, because depending on the fire, he may be very involved trying to mitigate damage. The google location sharing allowed me to pop on and check what part of Client Site he was on. It was clearly not where the fire was. So, I didn't bother him, but still got reassured his life currently wasn't (much) at risk.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Nick_Miller on November 08, 2018, 09:01:29 AM
Small Update:

I shared my objections to the app, in a logical and non-combative way, as applied to my daughter, myself, and frankly anyone, and she was okay with it, at least for me. It's been two days and no mention of it since. She didn't uninstall it (to my knowledge), so she can still track our kiddo, but I didn't install it, and I won't be tracking our kiddo. I am not going to be in that "circle" or whatever they call it.

It's weird though, my wife has two of her friends in her "circle." They all seem to like knowing where the others are at all times.

Conversely, if my two best buddies wanted to track my whereabouts, I'd be like "Are you drunk?"
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: onlykelsey on November 08, 2018, 09:12:48 AM
Small Update:

I shared my objections to the app, in a logical and non-combative way, as applied to my daughter, myself, and frankly anyone, and she was okay with it, at least for me. It's been two days and no mention of it since. She didn't uninstall it (to my knowledge), so she can still track our kiddo, but I didn't install it, and I won't be tracking our kiddo. I am not going to be in that "circle" or whatever they call it.

It's weird though, my wife has two of her friends in her "circle." They all seem to like knowing where the others are at all times.

Conversely, if my two best buddies wanted to track my whereabouts, I'd be like "Are you drunk?"
To be fair, I spent most of my 20s (as a woman) texting my female friends repeatedly to make sure they got home safe since they were alone, so it's a bit different for women, I think.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: PoutineLover on November 08, 2018, 09:14:13 AM
It seems super weird to have friends in a circle like that although there are a couple situations where it might make sense. When some women go on a first date with someone online, they often share location and other info with friends for safety. When people are traveling together, texting is expensive, but this could allow for easier tracking for meetups (except if it needs data to function). Otherwise, I don't know why you'd need to know where your friends were at any given time.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Samuel on November 08, 2018, 09:19:08 AM
A couple of my best friends and I use a "find my friends" app on occasion to simplify rendezvousing at events. I've also used it with significant others (after perhaps a year of dating).

The key thing is that it's easy to start/stop sharing your location. I only turn it on when I know it's needed (others leave it on all the time).

That level of convenience makes sense to me, so I use it. The complete tracking, with logs and alerts when people arrive at or leave locations is waaaaaaay too much.


I'm glad you opted out of this, especially for your daughter. I could see it being used as part of a probationary period if they've done something to radically lose your trust in them, but otherwise it seems like just another form of helicopter parenting that will stunt their growth into an independent adult.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: Zikoris on November 08, 2018, 11:16:48 AM
One thing I've used a few times for logistical reasons in Facebook location sharing. It shares your location but only for like - 30 minutes-ish? I've used it when I'm taking a long-distance bus somewhere to co-ordinate pickup time with my dad, who also is coming from a long distance. It's pretty useful for that.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: joonifloofeefloo on November 08, 2018, 04:17:30 PM
How are kids meant to learn to navigate the world and solve their own problems when parents are watching them all day long?

Having a tracking app ≠ watching a person all day long.

If I were married to someone so bored, anxious, or obsessed that...

You would want out due to anxiety?  Is that true of any mental health issue? OUCH.  How about helping them get help?

No, I said, "...so anxious [...] that...".

Having a condition and doing unacceptable behaviours are two different things. For me, someone having anxiety is no problem. For me, someone spending the whole day watching where I go would be.

If I managed to connect a loved one with effective help (which yes, would be my first great effort) and they accepted that, they wouldn't be "so [anything] that" and this wouldn't apply.

But if a person had any condition that resulted in behaviours affecting my well-being and went untreated, yes, I would want out. I lived with the impact of that for three decades and it's now a personal boundary in terms of marriage.

There is no condition that I have issue with in and of itself. A condition that is persistent, untreated, and affecting my well-being, yes, I would allow myself to exit from. Not saying everyone should do that, but having lived that life for decades, I would not require myself to live with the effect on me again.

And I wouldn't confuse "desire for an App" with "problem in spouse", so I could live with the App.
Title: Re: Tracking apps like Life360; giving up last bits of privacy in marriage
Post by: almcclur on November 08, 2018, 04:32:56 PM
Our whole family uses these. Since there are zero trust issues with my hub or kids, it is really just a tool to simplify logistics. My daughter is 14 and just starting to spread her wings, and I really want to allow her more freedom, but also need to be sure she's safe when walking to the store after school or whatever. It's also helpful knowing how far away the bus is after a football game to coordinate pick up times.

Last year my oldest (then 17) would ride the bus home from the Junior college and he had no sense of direction at all. The tracking app mitigated risks because when he missed his stop and rode halfway around the city and didn't know where he was I could talk him through exactly where to get off and wait for me.

For hub it's just convenient. Like skipping the step of asking, "when will you be home?" We've been married forever. Maybe in the beginning it would have creeped me out. I don't know.

I have my sister on it too. The kids like feeling connected to her even though she lives in a different city. Or when she comes for a visit they can watch her getting closer and closer.

Actually, same sister several years ago made a series of questionable choices and ended up in a different city on some random street with a passed out date late at night and then started getting harassed by some miscreant. She was terrified and ended up calling her friend to track her and come get her, and all ended well.

In healthy relationships I think it can be a way to simplify things or bring people closer.