Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
May your Turkeys be deliciously fried/smoked/baked/grilled or escaped, and your Tofurkey be as salty as the tears of your enemies!
Remember this holiday season, any disagreement can be safely discharged by blaming snake people.
Football is the one where the game is split into quarters, they play on a field, it's OK to hit each other you just can't put your hands on the face or your arms on the neck, and the home team got robbed by those goddamn officials! You call them officials because each one has a different name and nobody can remember them.
When the game is nearing the end (4th quarter, few minutes to do) you can quietly mutter under your breath "watch the clock" and that alone will be enough for you to pass as an expert.
If dealing with pseudo-familiar tiny humans, pretend you don't understand something like Christmas decorations or how to eat ice cream and you can entertain them for a good long while teaching you some basic life skills.
Above all remember, if you get tired, it is OK to nap, just move the pie out from in front of you before putting your head down on the table. Whip cream is damn near impossible to get out of your ear.
