Tell your favorite libertarian joke

[MoneyCat]

I'll start:

Q: Why did the libertarian cross the road?
A: Are you detaining me or am I free to go?

:-P

[radram]

Q: If Hillary and Donald were on a boat in the middle of the
ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!

:edited from a Fallon Joke

[calimom]

I'll start:

Q: Why did the libertarian cross the road?
A: Are you detaining me or am I free to go?

:-P

Wait, what? Are you talking about a privatized road or a taxpayer funded road? The taxpayer funded one is only going to work if it directly benefits the libertarian!

[Jeremy E.]

Libertarian Gary Johnson: We should tax carbon emissions.
Democrats: Are you crazy? We are only supposed to talk about that stuff so we look good, if we actually do it we'll lose jobs and it'll make us look bad.
Libertarian Gary Johnson: We should reduce Military spending.
Democrats: Are you crazy? We need to have more money for drone strikes!
Libertarian Gary Johnson: We should get rid of the NSA, the government spying on everyone goes against our personal freedom and liberties.
Democrats: But we need to be able to know what everyone is up to! We have extra money to spend anyways, why not spend it spying on Americans?
Libertarian Gary Johnson: Our debt is higher than our GDP, we need to reduce spending.
Democrats: We can just go into more debt, no big deal our kids will pay for it.
Libertarian Gary Johnson: We should stop sending our soldiers into battle without good reason.
Democrats: But we need to try and get votes from the republicans, we have to send them out to make us look more moderate!

Oh wait, I guess the jokes on the democrats

[bacchi]

Does irony count? Galt's Gulch Chile:

Being libertarians, many of GGC’s investors were against the use of government courts to correct the injustices and receive the property they paid for. But what they found was that there simply was no other way to regain their stolen property without doing so.

https://dollarvigilante.com/blog/2015/12/07/whatever-happened-to-galts-gulch-chile.html

[Kris]

Libertarian Gary Johnson: We should tax carbon emissions.
Democrats: Are you crazy? We are only supposed to talk about that stuff so we look good, if we actually do it we'll lose jobs and it'll make us look bad.
Libertarian Gary Johnson: We should reduce Military spending.
Democrats: Are you crazy? We need to have more money for drone strikes!
Libertarian Gary Johnson: We should get rid of the NSA, the government spying on everyone goes against our personal freedom and liberties.
Democrats: But we need to be able to know what everyone is up to! We have extra money to spend anyways, why not spend it spying on Americans?
Libertarian Gary Johnson: Our debt is higher than our GDP, we need to reduce spending.
Democrats: We can just go into more debt, no big deal our kids will pay for it.
Libertarian Gary Johnson: We should stop sending our soldiers into battle without good reason.
Democrats: But we need to try and get votes from the republicans, we have to send them out to make us look more moderate!

Oh wait, I guess the jokes on the democrats

Here's a modified joke that was originally about feminists:

Q: How many Libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!

[Northwestie]

Q:  How many Libertarians does it take to figure out what is/where is - Aleppo? 

A:  We don't know yet.

[Kriegsspiel]

If an Aleppo falls in the desert, and one is a non-interventionist, does he care if it makes a sound?

[Kris]

Q:  How many Libertarians does it take to figure out what is/where is - Aleppo? 

A:  We don't know yet.

Haha nice one!

[crazy jane]

Q: Do you think we should have heroin vending machines?

A: Only if they are privately owned.

[Jack]

Q: Do you think we should have heroine vending machines?

A: Only if they are privately owned.

So, machines that dispense Harriet Tubman?

[Spork]

Q: Do you think we should have heroine vending machines?

A: Only if they are privately owned.

So, machines that dispense Harriet Tubman?

No, these are libertarian jokes.  It would dispense Dagny Taggart.

[Jeremy E.]

Q: Do you think we should have heroine vending machines?

A: Only if they are privately owned.

So, machines that dispense Harriet Tubman?

Lol, I'll take a Joan of Arc

[Jack]

No, these are libertarian jokes.  It would dispense Dagny Taggart.

Lol, I'll take a Joan of Arc

Nah, those don't qualify. Remember, the machines would only dispense "privately owned" heroines. Hence, Tubman. Or maybe a transgender Spartacus.

[crazy jane]

Thanks for spell checking me. Your responses are much funnier than the joke.

[Kris]

Andy Borowitz did a pretty funny take on Johnson's recent gaffe:

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/gary-johnson-vows-to-get-tough-on-east-korea?mbid=social_facebook

[LeRainDrop]

Q:  How many Libertarians does it take to figure out what is/where is - Aleppo? 

A:  We don't know yet.

Haha nice one!

Well, the New York Times didn't know what/where Aleppo was either.  Note that it took them two corrections to get it right:

Correction: September 8, 2016
An earlier version of this article misidentified the de facto capital of the Islamic State. It is Raqqa, in northern Syria, not Aleppo.

Correction: September 8, 2016
An earlier version of the above correction misidentified the Syrian capital as Aleppo. It is Damascus.

[Kris]

Q:  How many Libertarians does it take to figure out what is/where is - Aleppo? 

A:  We don't know yet.

Haha nice one!

Well, the New York Times didn't know what/where Aleppo was either.  Note that it took them two corrections to get it right:

Correction: September 8, 2016
An earlier version of this article misidentified the de facto capital of the Islamic State. It is Raqqa, in northern Syria, not Aleppo.

Correction: September 8, 2016
An earlier version of the above correction misidentified the Syrian capital as Aleppo. It is Damascus.

Also true, and perplexing. I can't figure out how that was so hard for the NYT to get right.