Author Topic: Examples of successfully navigating/maintaining friendships w/ the opposite sex?  (Read 2613 times)

rocketpj

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I've been close friends with some women for decades.  One of my closest female friends was one of my 'groomspersons' at my wedding.

It comes down to you.  Are you prone to 'cheating' physically or emotionally with someone other than your partner?  I learned 25 years ago that such things are pointless and only lead to needless suffering for all or most people involved.  So I don't do it, that door doesn't even exist in my mind, and my wife knows it.  She also knows that I lack the bandwidth to navigate the emotional landscape of more than one other person (and barely that much).

It makes it easy to just not engage with emotional connection if you have already decided you don't want it.  Friends can be friends.

mm1970

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But what @Dee18 said rang true with me. If I was single and my friend was single, yes I would want to date her. I think realizing that is the main reason I want to tread appropriately here. On one hand I feel it's weird, like, "Sorry, you are too awesome to be my friend, I might not be able to handle it, and I am awesome too, and you might not be able to handle it. If you were less clever, less attractive, then sure we could hang no problem, but that's not the case."  I mean, it does seem weird when you phrase it like that, but ultimately I guess that's what it is.

With this, I can understand your concern.

Back in the dark ages, my best friend (when I was in the Navy), was a guy.  Of course it was, my workplace was mostly men.  We just clicked, had a ton of fun - worked out, cracked jokes, played sports, went out for beers.  He was married.  He told me once "you know if I weren't married, I'd ask you out".  Which, you'd think would feel weird but it didn't - I had no romantic interest in him that way.  Many years later he was my groomsman in my wedding, and after he divorced and remarried I flew out to attend his wedding.

My in laws are divorced, and it started with a friendship that FIL was having with a woman who he sorta worked with and knew through other groups.  MIL said "at one point, I had to make the conscious choice to trust him or not."  She did, it was the wrong choice. 

Hula Hoop

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I have a few straight male friends but they're not my closest friends.  One is work colleague who I click with.  We have lunch sometimes and talk about work, kids etc but that's pretty much it.  The other two I've known for years.  One of them I dated when I was 18 briefly but it didn't work out.  The main thing is that there is absolutely zero attraction there now in either case from either side.  And I'm also friends with their significant others and they with my husband.  But there are very distinct boundaries.  I most definitely would not message them multiple times a day or even multiple times a week.  Maybe once every couple of months we message each other and maybe meet up for a coffee or lunch. 

IMO if there is any discomfort there or anything you wouldn't tell your spouse about then you need to cut things off.