What happens when you run behind a car?And when you run in front of a car?
You get exhausted.
How do you keep a mustachian in suspense?
posting to follow
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
Members of the Flat Earth Society can be found all around the world.
oh good... posting to follow...How do you keep a mustachian in suspense?
posting to follow
Sorry, I don't have time to post the punchline today. Maybe tomorrow.
How do you sneak up on a special rabbit?
Unique up on on it.
You can never explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they take things, literally.
Members of the Flat Earth Society can be found all around the world.
Globe.
What is something brown and sticky?
A stick.
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't, you get down off a duck.
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't, you get down off a duck.
First one I haven't gotten.
Gonna declare this thread shame free, if you miss a pun, okay to say so. :D
Though just as I was typing this, the wife solved it (down in the second sentence==what you use in pillows). Still going to click post anyways, in case someone else missed this one, or to mention it's okay to be confused. :P
(I will probably replace "off" with "from" when I retell the down joke. The "Globe" was a good edit for the flat earth one.)
What do you call a baby quail?
A quaalude.
I like the no shame rule. I didn't get the following:I didn't get it the first time I read it, but quail + prelude = quaalude (I assume).What do you call a baby quail?
A quaalude.
I like the no shame rule. I didn't get the following:I didn't get it the first time I read it, but quail + prelude = quaalude (I assume).What do you call a baby quail?
A quaalude.
I like the no shame rule. I didn't get the following:I didn't get it the first time I read it, but quail + prelude = quaalude (I assume).What do you call a baby quail?
A quaalude.
But a quaalude is a medication? A sedative/hypnotic. Pretty sure that's what Cosby used.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
I like the no shame rule. I didn't get the following:I didn't get it the first time I read it, but quail + prelude = quaalude (I assume).What do you call a baby quail?
A quaalude.
But a quaalude is a medication? A sedative/hypnotic. Pretty sure that's what Cosby used.
I don't get it either.
Landlady, time to explain, please?
Why was Lincoln buried on the side of a hill?
Because he was dead.
I like the no shame rule. I didn't get the following:I didn't get it the first time I read it, but quail + prelude = quaalude (I assume).What do you call a baby quail?
A quaalude.
But a quaalude is a medication? A sedative/hypnotic. Pretty sure that's what Cosby used.
I don't get it either.
Landlady, time to explain, please?
Say it out loud. I agree with ketchup. The fact that it's a narcotic is a funny incidental, not central to the joke.
I like the no shame rule. I didn't get the following:I didn't get it the first time I read it, but quail + prelude = quaalude (I assume).What do you call a baby quail?
A quaalude.
But a quaalude is a medication? A sedative/hypnotic. Pretty sure that's what Cosby used.
I don't get it either.
Landlady, time to explain, please?
Say it out loud. I agree with ketchup. The fact that it's a narcotic is a funny incidental, not central to the joke.
I read it out loud. I tried pronouncing "Quaalude" differently. I still don't get it. quail lood? quail ood?
I like the no shame rule. I didn't get the following:I didn't get it the first time I read it, but quail + prelude = quaalude (I assume).What do you call a baby quail?
A quaalude.
But a quaalude is a medication? A sedative/hypnotic. Pretty sure that's what Cosby used.
I don't get it either.
Landlady, time to explain, please?
Say it out loud. I agree with ketchup. The fact that it's a narcotic is a funny incidental, not central to the joke.
I read it out loud. I tried pronouncing "Quaalude" differently. I still don't get it. quail lood? quail ood?
Quay-lude. Like Prelude.
It's not a great joke, but that's the pun.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
Or: Because seven ate nine.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
Or: Because seven ate nine.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
Or: Because seven ate nine.
Why do octal jokes suck?
Because 7 10 11.
Why do programmers confuse Halloween and December?
Because Dec 25 is Oct 31.
(this one probably should be spoken rather than read)
Q: How do you think the unthinkable?
A: With an itheberg.
How do you get two oboists to play in harmony?Spoiler: show
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungi!”
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
Or: Because seven ate nine.
Why do octal jokes suck?
Because 7 10 11.
Why do programmers confuse Halloween and December?
Because Dec 25 is Oct 31.
The Halloween and Christmas one is good.
There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.and even they are divided on how funny.
There's no "I" in Denial.Lol, had never heard these two. Fantastic!
This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.
You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
How do you keep an elephant from crawling under your door?I tried this, but it actually didn't stop them; they kept crawling under and then getting stuck.
Tie a knot in it's tail.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in a swimming pool?
Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in a swimming pool?
Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of dry leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
Neil is also an acceptable answer. I'd bust out some Helen Keller jokes but I'm afraid most people here would be too young to know who she is...
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
Neil is also an acceptable answer. I'd bust out some Helen Keller jokes but I'm afraid most people here would be too young to know who she is...
well I'll tell one...
How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her when she was a teenager?Spoiler: show
Why did the projector blush?
It saw the filmstrip
Unintentional humour from a French/English bilingual toddler:
Daddy, how many books do I weigh?
Unintentional humour from a French/English bilingual toddler:
Daddy, how many books do I weigh?
Unintentional humour from a French/English bilingual toddler:
Daddy, how many books do I weigh?
Here's another French/ English language one...
What is the French word for swimming pool?
Piscine
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
Neil is also an acceptable answer. I'd bust out some Helen Keller jokes but I'm afraid most people here would be too young to know who she is...
well I'll tell one...
How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her when she was a teenager?Spoiler: showalso works here.Spoiler: show
The Invisible Man and the Invisible Woman had a family. The kids were nothing to look at.I see what you did there.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in a swimming pool?
Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of dry leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in a swimming pool?
Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of dry leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
There are two types of people in the world - those who can extrapolate from incomplete information
Try this one on your friends. Best served once you're already laughing from the other jokes in this thread:
You: Did you hear the latest Knock Knock joke?
Friend: No.
You: Okay, you start.
Friend: Knock Knock.
You: ...
Try this one on your friends. Best served once you're already laughing from the other jokes in this thread:
You: Did you hear the latest Knock Knock joke?
Friend: No.
You: Okay, you start.
Friend: Knock Knock.
You: ...
For the final line, I like then answering "Who's there?" and they're left going "..." :)
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” And then he dies.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
Neil is also an acceptable answer. I'd bust out some Helen Keller jokes but I'm afraid most people here would be too young to know who she is...
well I'll tell one...
How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her when she was a teenager?Spoiler: showalso works here.Spoiler: show
OrSpoiler: show
Chemistry jokes are Sodium Funny!
If a king farts.... is it a Noble gas?
I slapped my Neon that one!
Do not trust Atoms they make up everything!
I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
Lab closed gone Fission.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” And then he dies.
I hear that the first thing Trump will do in office is ban pre-shredded cheese.
He's going to make America grate again.
So, for whatever reason I really love misogynistic jokes, so here you go:
What do you say to a woman with a black eye?Spoiler: show
What do you call a young bride with a black eye?Spoiler: show
Well, Kitsunegari's jokes are less politically correct than the one I was hesitating on, so I'll just let it fly. :-)
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?Spoiler: show
Norm MacDonald
Norm MacDonald
Probably the most brilliant to underrated ratio of any comedian of our time.
Or that's what the Germans would like you to believe!
One of my dad's favorites:
A blacksmith is in his shop, hammering a hot horseshoe. After the cherry glow fades from the horseshoe, he sets it on the anvil to cool. Just then, a customer walls in, and, while waiting for the blacksmith to greet him, he picks up the freshly worked horseshoe. The customer immediately throws the horseshoe down with a yelp. Amused, the blacksmith grins and asks the customer "Hot, isn't it?"
The customer replies "Naw, it just doesn't take me very long to look at a horseshoe."
One of my dad's favorites:
A blacksmith is in his shop, hammering a hot horseshoe. After the cherry glow fades from the horseshoe, he sets it on the anvil to cool. Just then, a customer walls in, and, while waiting for the blacksmith to greet him, he picks up the freshly worked horseshoe. The customer immediately throws the horseshoe down with a yelp. Amused, the blacksmith grins and asks the customer "Hot, isn't it?"
The customer replies "Naw, it just doesn't take me very long to look at a horseshoe."
Why is this funny?
One of my dad's favorites:
A blacksmith is in his shop, hammering a hot horseshoe. After the cherry glow fades from the horseshoe, he sets it on the anvil to cool. Just then, a customer walls in, and, while waiting for the blacksmith to greet him, he picks up the freshly worked horseshoe. The customer immediately throws the horseshoe down with a yelp. Amused, the blacksmith grins and asks the customer "Hot, isn't it?"
The customer replies "Naw, it just doesn't take me very long to look at a horseshoe."
Why is this funny?
Q: What's your nationality in the bathroom?Spoiler: show
Q: What's your nationality in the bathroom?Spoiler: show
And what's your nationality when you leave the bathroom?Spoiler: show
You probably had to go because you had yourat the wine bar.Spoiler: show
That'll give you extra time to notice that, great, it's time for a newSpoiler: show!Spoiler: show
What purpose is this-ing, really? There isSpoiler: showthis could get worse.Spoiler: show
I can't either,, ISpoiler: showtake much more of these.Spoiler: show
I can't either,you all would stop.Spoiler: show
That's enough.and women need to tone it down.Spoiler: show
Or, have you justthis situation before?Spoiler: show
Of course. It will be like aOr, have you justthis situation before?Spoiler: show
That's a new one on me! I havestudy my countries! Are youSpoiler: showjoin me?Spoiler: show
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” And then he dies.
The follow up joke to this that I heard it today:
Two scientists walk into a bar.
First one: I'll have an H2O.
Second: I'll have an H2O, too.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundry tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.
:)
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” And then he dies.
The follow up joke to this that I heard it today:
Two scientists walk into a bar.
First one: I'll have an H2O.
Second: I'll have an H2O, too.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundry tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.
:)
Two scientists walk into a bar.
The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second scientist says, "I'll have a glass of water too. Wh...why did you say H2O? Like, I know it's the chemical formula for water and all, but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work"
The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan failed.
What cheese is made backwards?
Spoiler: show
Why did the cheese look sane?
Spoiler: show
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?Spoiler: show
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?Spoiler: show
What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?Spoiler: show
Did you hear about the cheese that failed to win a medal at the Olympics?Spoiler: show
Wow those were "Cheesy"
A new driver by the name of Stan Towarder has just shown up for his first day of work driving buses for the New York City Department of Education, and he meets his new supervisor, a tiny slight of a woman with a shockingly gruff voice by the name of Makenzie MacDonald - but everyone there in the barn just calls her Big Mak.
Mak informs Stan that since he's new there, he's being assigned one of their less desirable routes in the Lower East Side that they can't seem to keep drivers for, which requires him picking children up on the now famous "Sesame Street" from the children's show in the Alphabet City neighborhood, and ending the run by dropping them off at PS 15 in the East Village. Stan, full of ambitious vigor, takes the challenge and starts driving.
At the first stop on Sesame Street among the small group of three children, a mother is standing with her son who helps him onto the bus. The mother sees that it's a new bus driver and introduces herself and her son. "Hello, I'm Mrs. Olivia Peculiar, and this is my son Ross. Ross has special needs, and he should be kept in a calm and quiet environment. Otherwise, he will get frightened, hide under your seat, and scream in terror. Please look after him."
Stan greets her with a smile and says, "No worries, Mrs. Peculiar, I'll take good care of Ross for you," and proceeds down the route.
On the second stop on Sesame Street, seven smaller kids get pushed out of the way by a rather rotund girl who shoves her way onto the bus first. Stan stops her and asks her to identify herself. "Patricia Falstaffian," she says, "but everyone calls me Patti!"
"Well Patti," Stan replies, "It's not nice to push other children."
Then Patti replies, "It's okay. My Mom says I have a 'thyroid condition' and that means I can't help it, so I should just be who I am." And she proceeds to bite Stan in the arm before running to the back of the bus and taking a seat, where she begins to yell, brag, and kick the seats for the rest of the trip on the bus. Ross Peculiar begins to rock in his seat and moan while hugging himself.
At the third stop on his route down Sesame Street, five more kids get on the bus, and one of them sits directly behind Stan. As the bus resumes its trip, the child sitting behind Stan takes his shoes and socks off and begins to pick at his feet and flick the debris at the back of poor Stan's head. As this kid starts doing this, Patti Falstaffian screams out during a chorus of children making grossed out noises, "Ew! Stop picking your bunions, Lester Snieze! That's gross!" However, Lester proceeds undeterred, picking at and flicking his bunions at poor Stan's head. Meanwhile, Ross' eyes get bigger and his moaning gets louder as his rocking intensifies.
At the final pickup on his route down Sesame Street, Stan stops the bus for the last of the children he has been entrusted to transport. Among the gaggle of kids at this stop, a morbidly obese girl is standing hidden there behind the others, head down, quietly waiting for the other dozen or so kids to finish boarding. When she finally gets on, she barely squeezes through the door, in fact. Stan asks her her name as he tries to help pull her through and up the steps.
"It's Patty Voracity, mister," she says in a shy and quiet voice.
"It's good to meet you, Patty," responds Stan. He's tired, flapped, but he strives to be kind and helps her to a seat. However, after young Patty Voracity takes a seat, she becomes a lightning rod of attention to the other children. They scream and taunt her with Patti Falstaffian being the loudest, hiding in the back of the bus but starting a round of jeering chants of "Fatty Patty" with the other kids.
In the chaos of Patti leading the charge picking on Patty, Ross now darts under Stan's legs and starts to panic scream, all while Lester Snieze keeps flicking his bunions at poor Stan's head. This continues all the rest of the way of the trip to The Roberto Clemente School on East 4th Street, where he finally gets all the children off the bus.
The trip was terrible, but the bus was finally silent. Stan bursts out in tears and sobs for a good five minutes in the driver's seat while the bus sits idling outside the front entrance of the old PS 15 building, certain that it was a divine miracle that he got them to school safely without wrecking the bus or exploding in rage. It became clear to poor Stan that the pay he was receiving simply wasn't enough to handle this route, but he determined that with enough money, he might be able to hang in there. After finally pulling himself together, he drives the bus back to the barn, gasses it up and parks it, still a little frazzled.
After finishing the paperwork he had to fill out due to the cacophony on the bus that morning, Stan approaches his supervisor's office and wearily knocks on her doorpost.
"What do you want, Towarder?" Mak barks out.
Stan pauses for a second and responds, "I've two obese Pattys, special Ross, Lester Snieze pickin' bunions on the Sesame Street run, Big Mak! It's a good time for a great raise, Ms. MacDonald."
A bear goes into a bar in Boston and tries to order a drink. The bar tender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. The bear says you better give me a drink or I'll rip someone to shreds from limb to limb. The bartender again says sorry, we don't server to bears in bars in Boston. Again the bear says I'm gonna rip someone to shreds if you don't give me a drink. Again the bartender says sorry we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. So the bear rips a woman from limb to limb and eats her. He again asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston especially ones on drugs. The bear look at him funny and the bartender says that a bar bitch you ate!
A bear goes into a bar in Boston and tries to order a drink. The bar tender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. The bear says you better give me a drink or I'll rip someone to shreds from limb to limb. The bartender again says sorry, we don't server to bears in bars in Boston. Again the bear says I'm gonna rip someone to shreds if you don't give me a drink. Again the bartender says sorry we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. So the bear rips a woman from limb to limb and eats her. He again asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston especially ones on drugs. The bear look at him funny and the bartender says that a bar bitch you ate!
A bear goes into a bar in Boston and tries to order a drink. The bar tender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. The bear says you better give me a drink or I'll rip someone to shreds from limb to limb. The bartender again says sorry, we don't server to bears in bars in Boston. Again the bear says I'm gonna rip someone to shreds if you don't give me a drink. Again the bartender says sorry we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. So the bear rips a woman from limb to limb and eats her. He again asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston especially ones on drugs. The bear look at him funny and the bartender says that a bar bitch you ate!
...I don't understand this in the least. Explanation please?
A bear goes into a bar in Boston and tries to order a drink. The bar tender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. The bear says you better give me a drink or I'll rip someone to shreds from limb to limb. The bartender again says sorry, we don't server to bears in bars in Boston. Again the bear says I'm gonna rip someone to shreds if you don't give me a drink. Again the bartender says sorry we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. So the bear rips a woman from limb to limb and eats her. He again asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston especially ones on drugs. The bear look at him funny and the bartender says that a bar bitch you ate!
...I don't understand this in the least. Explanation please?
Barbiturate.
A bear goes into a bar in Boston and tries to order a drink. The bar tender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. The bear says you better give me a drink or I'll rip someone to shreds from limb to limb. The bartender again says sorry, we don't server to bears in bars in Boston. Again the bear says I'm gonna rip someone to shreds if you don't give me a drink. Again the bartender says sorry we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. So the bear rips a woman from limb to limb and eats her. He again asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston especially ones on drugs. The bear look at him funny and the bartender says that a bar bitch you ate!
...I don't understand this in the least. Explanation please?
Barbiturate.
Ah. Thank you.
(I've always pronounced it bar-bi-chu-it, not like the word "ate", probably part of why it didn't click)
Stan pauses for a second and responds, "I've two obese Pattys, special Ross, Lester Snieze pickin' bunions on the Sesame Street run, Big Mak! It's a good time for a great raise, Ms. MacDonald."
I don't get this one.
A bear goes into a bar in Boston and tries to order a drink. The bar tender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. The bear says you better give me a drink or I'll rip someone to shreds from limb to limb. The bartender again says sorry, we don't server to bears in bars in Boston. Again the bear says I'm gonna rip someone to shreds if you don't give me a drink. Again the bartender says sorry we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston. So the bear rips a woman from limb to limb and eats her. He again asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says we don't serve to bears in bars in Boston especially ones on drugs. The bear look at him funny and the bartender says that a bar bitch you ate!
I can only assume that the reason it's set in Boston is so you have to do the "serve to bears in bars" part in a heavy Boston accent. :-)
A frog goes into a bank and tries to get a loan. The loan officer Patty Whack asks him if he has any collateral. The frog says all I have is this little frog statue. The loan officer tell him she needs to check with the bank manager. She proceeds to tell the bank manager that the frog wants a loan and all he has for collateral is the little frog statue and says she doesn't even know what it is. The bank manager replies:
It's a nic nac Patty Whack, give the frog a loan.
Reviving thread in search of more levity:thank you, thank you, thank you.
Reviving thread in search of more levity:thank you, thank you, thank you.
Reviving thread in search of more levity:thank you, thank you, thank you.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?Spoiler: show
After returning from a 1 year deployment with no leave authorized I came up with the following two jokes.
What are two differences between military kids and civilian kids.
Civilian kids look like their father not the neighbor.
Civilian mothers are only pregnant for nine months not 10-20 months.
We were meet at an aircraft hanger by our spouses. One of my fellow NCOs' wife was holding a very young infant. He commented are you baby sitting? She said no I have been meaning to tell you we had a baby.
It was followed by a litany of cursing and I had to go intervene because I thought he was going to hit her.holy crap.... that's not funny!
In about a 15 minute time period one Soldier knocked his wife out, the baby surprise happened, and another wife showed up with a 7-8 month belly and a suit case to give her husband along with his 3-4 year old son.
I spent the next 2-3 hours finding a place for some to live, pulling cash out of my account for diapers and formula, and finding the 1SG of the Soldier that knocked out his wife so he could sign him out of the MP station.
Ramblings from a retired mind:
Today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, "What brings you in today?" I looked at her, and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn't quite know how to respond
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it 'Pumping Rust.'
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it's for company!”
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, ‘An ambulance.'
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble....
Economist!Ha! Some would say dismal.
what do you call a snake that is 3.14159 feet long?I see you just barely got this in on pi day :)Spoiler: show
• “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” —Steven Wright
A friend of mine baked pies on Pi day but didn't realize it was Pi day until eleven o'clock at night!If they baked two pies, then they made it full circle!
A friend of mine baked pies on Pi day but didn't realize it was Pi day until eleven o'clock at night!If they baked two pies, then they made it full circle!
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
GROAN!
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
GROAN!
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
GROAN!
I just hope there wasn't a remainder....
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
GROAN!
I just hope there wasn't a remainder....
No remainder, just a challenging logarithm.
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
GROAN!
I just hope there wasn't a remainder....
No remainder, just a challenging logarithm.
At least it wasn't worked out in longhand?
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel attached to his britches, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender eyeballs him, and says 'You've got a wheel on your pants."THANK YOU! I could not remember the joke for this punchline, and it's been bugging me for years.
The pirate says, "Arrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."
Just read this thread from start to finish .... laughed out loud more than once ... scratched my head more than once at random black lines lol... I wish I had a funny for you :( keep them coming!!!If you scroll your cursor over the blackouts, you can see the
There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.
My doctor gave me two months to live.
So I shot him.
The judge gave me 30 years.
From Monty Python:
How is American beer like having sex in a canoe?Spoiler: show
Here's one to roll your eyes at and then use when someone gets a craft beer/diet soda/whatever drink.
"Did you see the 60 minutes spot last week about dihydrogen monoxide. They use it in that (point to person's drink), you know and the FDA is dragging their feet on stopping it!"
This works especially well if someone else at the table immediately gets it and plays it up. Be ready to run when the victim puts it together, though.
How do you determine if someone is a ticklish man?
Test tickles.
Where do fish keep their money at?
The river bank :)
Here's one to roll your eyes at and then use when someone gets a craft beer/diet soda/whatever drink.
"Did you see the 60 minutes spot last week about dihydrogen monoxide. They use it in that (point to person's drink), you know and the FDA is dragging their feet on stopping it!"
This works especially well if someone else at the table immediately gets it and plays it up. Be ready to run when the victim puts it together, though.
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.
Dihydrogen monoxide:
• is also known as hydroxl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
• contributes to the “greenhouse effect.”
• may cause severe burns.
• contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
• accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
• may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
• has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Contamination is reaching epidemic proportions!
Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage in the midwest, and recently California.
Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
• as an industrial solvent and coolant.
• in nuclear power plants.
• in the production of styrofoam.
• as a fire retardant.
• in many forms of cruel animal research.
• in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
• as an additive in certain “junk-foods” and other food products.
Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!
The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its “importance to the economic health of this nation.” In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.Spoiler: show
Here's one to roll your eyes at and then use when someone gets a craft beer/diet soda/whatever drink.
"Did you see the 60 minutes spot last week about dihydrogen monoxide. They use it in that (point to person's drink), you know and the FDA is dragging their feet on stopping it!"
This works especially well if someone else at the table immediately gets it and plays it up. Be ready to run when the victim puts it together, though.
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.
Dihydrogen monoxide:
• is also known as hydroxl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
• contributes to the “greenhouse effect.”
• may cause severe burns.
• contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
• accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
• may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
• has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Contamination is reaching epidemic proportions!
Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage in the midwest, and recently California.
Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
• as an industrial solvent and coolant.
• in nuclear power plants.
• in the production of styrofoam.
• as a fire retardant.
• in many forms of cruel animal research.
• in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
• as an additive in certain “junk-foods” and other food products.
Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!
The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its “importance to the economic health of this nation.” In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.Spoiler: show
My grandfather spent his last day on Earth, in his literal death bed, getting everyone he could to sign his petition against dihydrogen monoxide. Doctors, nurses, family members.
It was awesome. I miss him.
Didn't get this one... what is a general's bp?
I went to eBay once to buy a new lighter, buy they only had 12,479 matches...
What do you call someone that always states the obvious?Spoiler: show
So, if the Florida keys have their own endangered subspecies of deer - Key Deer (look it up), does this mean they have Key Lyme Disease too?
Sorry, bad one, I know!
So, if the Florida keys have their own endangered subspecies of deer - Key Deer (look it up), does this mean they have Key Lyme Disease too?
Sorry, bad one, I know!
In Jamaica, you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60, and an apple pie for £2.15. In St Kitts and Nevis, a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70, and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95. In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can buy two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer a meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those, my friends, are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
I want to memorize that whole thing, just to tell a long, rambling joke with the worst payoff ever.
What time do you go to the dentist?dunno.... what time do I go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty
What time do you go to the dentist?dunno.... what time do I go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty
whoops. Got it. Thanks.What time do you go to the dentist?dunno.... what time do I go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty
The answer is there, you just have to highlight the empty space below. It's white on white. The text, not the answer to the joke.
In Jamaica, you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60, and an apple pie for £2.15. In St Kitts and Nevis, a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70, and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95. In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can buy two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer a meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those, my friends, are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
I want to memorize that whole thing, just to tell a long, rambling joke with the worst payoff ever.
Love it!
Sorry going to digress to a "yo momma is...." joke, sorry if its too low brow.
Today’s Stock Market Report
Today’s Stock Market Reportand the local brothel was busted for insider trading.
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
Batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market
Did you hear the latest huge merger?
Twitter, Facebook and Youtube.
They're calling it Youtwitface.
So there's this cruise ship that makes regular outings and, as part of the entertainment, there's a magician on board.
His act is simplistic and poorly executed. It's so bad, in fact, that even the Captain's parrot has figured out all the tricks and has started heckling during the shows. The feckless magician is peppered regularly with things like ... "all the cards in the deck are the ace of spades!!" and "he switched hats!!" etc. etc.
Months go by, and the animosity festers to the point that the parrot and magician are mortal enemies.
Then one day, the ship sinks.
Pandemonium ensues and the passengers and crew are left floating at sea on whatever pieces of debris they can find. The hours pass. The debris and passengers have started to sink. The magician is left clinging to the side of a life preserver to stay afloat.
Out of the blue, the parrot, being a poor flyer and seeing no alternative at this point, alights at the other side of the life preserver.
The two bitter enemies eye each other with contempt and malice. No words are exchanged for hours, then days.
Finally, the parrot can't take it any more.
He skitters from side to side, shakes his head and fixes his beady eyes on the magician and asks - actually - spits out the following question:Spoiler: show
How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?
Take the "s" out of "safe" and the "f" out of "way"
The best variant of this has to be the one from the wonderful Shappi Khorsandi. To set the scene, she's an Anglo-Iranian comedian, very pretty and very innocent looking:Did you hear the latest huge merger?
Twitter, Facebook and Youtube.
They're calling it Youtwitface.
Back when myspace was still around it was a merger between myspace, facebook, youtube and twitter. Called Myfaceyoutwit.
A man is flying a hot air balloon, and finds he's drifted somewhere far away from any landmarks he recognises. He's completely lost.Heard this before but with “lawyer” substituted for “mathematician”...
He sees a man standing on the ground below, so he shouts down, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man on the ground shouts back, "You're in a hot air balloon!"
The man in the balloon says, "You must be a mathematician, because your answer's completely accurate, but completely useless!"
The man on the ground says, "You must be a manager, because you've got the same problem as before, but now it's my fault!"
Pro tip: If you're tired of boiling water for pasta,Spoiler: show
The Thunder God went for a ride
upon his favorite filly.
I'M THOR!, he cried,
his horse replied,
You forgot your thaddle, thilly.
Orion's belt is a waist of space.
That's a terrible joke! Only three stars!
i hope elon musk doesn't get involved in a scandal because ELONGATE seems like it would be really drawn out.That joke was a bit of a stretch.
(from facebook)
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65 on makeup. And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't. She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back.
I was going to share a time traveling joke.I wish you could go back in time...
But none of you liked it...
A guy was on a business trip and he ended up at a bar and got very, very drunk. When he woke up in the hotel room the morning, he discovered his wallet was gone. He couldn't remember the name of the bar but remembered the walls were gold. Even the inside of the bathroom and toilet were gold. So he starts calling every bar in the yellow pages asking "are your walls gold?"
Finally he gets a bartender on the line:
guy: I lost my wallet last night are the walls of the bar gold?
bartender: yes
guy: and the bathroom & toilet too?
bartender: (puts down the phone and yells): Steve, I think I know who pooped in your saxophone last night.
HOW TO WASH A CAT
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick cat up and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. At this point the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that are coming from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "Power wash" and "Rinse."
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside, where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
This beauty popped up in @snacky 's journal.I have to wonder if anyone has actually tried this, and how it turned out...HOW TO WASH A CAT
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick cat up and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. At this point the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that are coming from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "Power wash" and "Rinse."
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside, where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
Luke asks Yoda, “Why is 5 afraid of 6?”
Yoda answers, “Because 6 7 8.”
(Hint: You have to use your Yoda voice.)
Use your Yoda voice, you must.Luke asks Yoda, “Why is 5 afraid of 6?”
Yoda answers, “Because 6 7 8.”
(Hint: You have to use your Yoda voice.)
Shouldn't this be "Why is 5 afraid of 7"? Otherwise, 5 is afraid of 6 because 6 has been eaten.
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.Guys, you're missing it. Yoda screws up his syntax.
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.Guys, you're missing it. Yoda screws up his syntax.
Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.Guys, you're missing it. Yoda screws up his syntax.
Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."
Exactly. The yoda part is what changes up the joke. Normally it's something like "why is 6 afraid of 7 -- because 7 - 8- 9".I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.Guys, you're missing it. Yoda screws up his syntax.
Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."
Right. Now take Yoda's sentence "because six seven eight, he did." and put it into normal English.
Totally. jokes lose their humor when they require a discussion -- stupid jokes even more-so.
Have we killed this one yet?
Depends whether one assumes Yoda's speech pattern is object-subject-verb or subject-object-verb. At least one "reference" describes the way Yoda famously speaks, ordering his sentences object-subject-verb, or OSV (https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/12/hmmmmm/420798/).I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.Guys, you're missing it. Yoda screws up his syntax.
Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."
Q: How many Mustachians does it take to overthink a joke?
A; Let me finish counting and I'll get back to you.
I screwed it up. Let's try this again...
(Let the face punches commence.)
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet.Was the snail at home when this happened?
A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.
The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet.Was the snail at home when this happened?
A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.
The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
I think he was just poking out of the house for a quick bite.A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet.Was the snail at home when this happened?
A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.
The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet.Was the snail at home when this happened?
A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.
The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Congrats ! That's a (s)hell of a joke !
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet.Was the snail at home when this happened?
A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.
The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Congrats ! That's a (s)hell of a joke !
Should have slugged the tortoise when it had the chance.
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet.Was the snail at home when this happened?
A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.
The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Congrats ! That's a (s)hell of a joke !
Should have slugged the tortoise when it had the chance.
I don't know if we can trust the snails version of events. He seems like a slimey fellow...
A man was discovered in a laundromat attempting to have "intimate relations" with one of the machines.
The police were called, but as soon as they arrived, the man took off and escaped.
The next day, the newspaper headline said ...Spoiler: show
He made a clean get away!
What does TOC stand for?
What does TOC stand for?
Tactical Operations Center
I wanted to tell a joke about Leeches........ But it sucked.I had a similar one about a blowfish...
Huh. My joke about surgeons really had people in stitches.I wanted to tell a joke about Leeches........ But it sucked.I had a similar one about a blowfish...
What has 9 arms and sucks?Spoiler: show
You don't need a parachute to go sky diving. You need a parachute to go sky diving twice.Similar to:
Why do bees have sticky hair ?Spoiler: show
I hired a landscape gardener. He said he couldn’t help me because my garden was portrait.
I hired a landscape gardener. He said he couldn’t help me because my garden was portrait.
How many letters are in the alphabet?Spoiler: show
There...are...four....lights !!!!!
Make it so.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
I don't know. What?
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
I don't know. What?
The joke IS the punchline. But I liked this response I got on facebook: "A Mobius Quip".
Let me tell you a joke about my d*ck...
-ah never mind... It's too long!
Let me tell you a joke about my d*ck...
-ah never mind... It's too long!
In my sleep-deprived brain I read this and thought... I don't get it, how can a duck be too long?
Or a dock?(https://rollingharbour.files.wordpress.com/2016/01/cherokee-long-dock-abaco-bahamas-larry-towning-1.jpg)
Oh that looks lovely. And warm.QuoteOr a dock?(https://rollingharbour.files.wordpress.com/2016/01/cherokee-long-dock-abaco-bahamas-larry-towning-1.jpg)
Let me tell you a joke about my d*ck...
-ah never mind... It's too long!
In my sleep-deprived brain I read this and thought... I don't get it, how can a duck be too long?
Had a dream last night that I was a car muffler.
Woke up this morning and I was exhausted.
Had a dream last night that I was a car muffler.
Woke up this morning and I was exhausted.
Man who runs behind bus --- gets exhausted.
:-P
Had a dream last night that I was a car muffler.
Woke up this morning and I was exhausted.
And the victory "for the dumbest joke" comes to me = D
Stole this from a signature in a different forum.
"Dad always believed laughter was the best medicine. That's why most of the family died from tuberculosis"
Why do Air Force officers dip their socks in kerosene?
To keep the ants off their candy-asses.
Why do Air Force officers dip their socks in kerosene?
To keep the ants off their candy-asses.
ok, i still don't get this... explain, anyone?
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Spoiler: show
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Spoiler: show
How many curlers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four.
Two to do the actual work and two to stand around yelling, "HURRY!! HURRY HARD!!!!"
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve
I know. He can't stand that joke.What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve
...groan...
Why do bees have sticky hair ?Spoiler: show
Reminds me of a very stupid rhyme my dad always tells:
"I eat my peas with honey,
I've done so all my life.
It makes them taste real funny,
But it keeps them on my knife!"
2 Jews walk into a bar
and they buy the place.
Not funny dude!
2 Jews walk into a bar
and they buy the place.
Not funny dude!
Not funny dude!
Hopefully the moderators will soon chuck it out if A Fella from Stella doesn't come to their senses and remove it themselves.
2 Jews walk into a bar
and they buy the place.
MOD EDIT: One of the forum rules is "use good taste." Jokes that can be perceived as anti-Semitic probably cross that line.
It plays on anti-Semitic tropes that Jews are the ones who control the financial and property systems, and by extension that they hold power over everyone else. See stereotypes about the Jewish landlord, banker and owner (often prefixed with adjectives like "shrewd" and "greedy").2 Jews walk into a bar
and they buy the place.
MOD EDIT: One of the forum rules is "use good taste." Jokes that can be perceived as anti-Semitic probably cross that line.
How is that anti-semitic? It's stereotyping, but with a positive quality.
Chicken loses job
Chicken needs money
Chicken strips ($5.99)!
A child goes to school on his first day. However, he is a little late, and there is only one desk left in the classroom. He sits down and notices something carved on the desk, so he raises his hand and tells the teacher something is carved into the desk. She asks what it says, so he answers with "Purple Passion."
The teacher gets furious. Yelling at the boy, she tells him to go straight to the office.
The boy is now sitting in the principal's office, and the principal asks him why he is there. He tells the principal that he was late to school on the first day, so there was only one desk available. When he sat down, he noticed something was carved in the desk. He told the teacher, and she sent him to the principal's office. The principal asks the boy what was carved on the desk, so the boy answers, "Purple Passion."
The principal gets even more furious than the teacher. He points to the door and screams at the boy to get out of his school, telling him that he is suspended until further notice.
Not even allowed to wait for his parents, the boy starts walking home. After about ten minutes, a police officer pulls up beside him and asks the boy why he isn't in school. The boy is nervous, but remembers his parents telling him that he can trust police officers. He tells the officer that he was late to his first day of school, so there was only one desk available. When he sat down, he saw something carved in it. When he told the teacher, she sent him to the office, and when he told the principal, he suspended the boy and made him walk home. The officer didn't think any of that made sense, but he asked the boy what was carved in the desk that upset everyone so much. The boy pauses, but tells the officer, "Purple Passion."
The kind officer immediately becomes very angry and arrests the child on the spot.
The next morning, the child still hasn't been home or talked to his parents. He is instead standing in front of a judge. The judge, unaware of why this child is in front of him, asks what is going on. The child tells the judge that he was late for school and had to sit at the last empty desk, but it had something carved in it. When he told the teacher, he was sent to the office. When he told the principal, he was suspended. When he told the police officer, he was arrested. The judge thought that it can't be all that bad and asked the child what was carved into the desk. The boy told the judge that he didn't want to say, since things always got worse when he did. The judge reassured the boy that he couldn't go to jail for describing what he saw. Reassured, the boy tells the judge, "Purple Passion."
Never having been so angry before, the judge bangs down his gavel and sends the child to juvenile detention until he is 18.
Several years have now gone by. The boy has served his sentence. Finally learning his lesson, he has refused to speak to anyone about the incident, or anything at all. His roommate has not been able to get him to talk during the entire time they have been together, but the boy will turn 18 the next day and be released, so he decides to try one more time. He tells the boy that he committed arson and manslaughter, and that there is nothing the boy could have done that will surprise him.
So the boy relents. He tells his roommate about how he was late to school, and there was only one desk available, but it had something carved in it. When he told the teacher, he was sent to the office. When he told the principal, he was suspended. When he told the police officer, he was arrested. And when he told the judge, he was sent to juvenile hall. The roommate thought that was ridiculous. How could all of that happen over what someone else carved into a desk? He asks the boy what was carved in the desk. The boy hesitates, but decides that he should trust his roommate. He tells his roommate, "Purple Passion."
The roommate responds by saying that he has no idea what that means, but that there is a library across the street from the center where the boy can look it up when he gets out. The boy decides to do just that. He gets out the next day, starts to cross the street to the library, gets hit by a car and dies.
How's that for a stupid joke?
My friend asked me if I could name two structures that hold water.Some would say it is circulating.
I said, “Well, dam!”
(This one seems to be making the rounds on FB.)
My friend asked me if I could name two structures that hold water.Some would say it is circulating.
I said, “Well, dam!”
(This one seems to be making the rounds on FB.)
My friend asked me if I could name two structures that hold water.Some would say it is circulating.
I said, “Well, dam!”
(This one seems to be making the rounds on FB.)
I would hate to muddy the water, but I think it is too fluid to tell, if the tides have turned or not.
Maybe it's time to drop it.My friend asked me if I could name two structures that hold water.Some would say it is circulating.
I said, “Well, dam!”
(This one seems to be making the rounds on FB.)
I would hate to muddy the water, but I think it is too fluid to tell, if the tides have turned or not.
Dam it, make up your mind. Don't be so wishy washy.
Maybe it's time to drop it.My friend asked me if I could name two structures that hold water.Some would say it is circulating.
I said, “Well, dam!”
(This one seems to be making the rounds on FB.)
I would hate to muddy the water, but I think it is too fluid to tell, if the tides have turned or not.
Dam it, make up your mind. Don't be so wishy washy.
Maybe it's time to drop it.My friend asked me if I could name two structures that hold water.Some would say it is circulating.
I said, “Well, dam!”
(This one seems to be making the rounds on FB.)
I would hate to muddy the water, but I think it is too fluid to tell, if the tides have turned or not.
Dam it, make up your mind. Don't be so wishy washy.
Or perhaps, they just need learn to go with the flow.
Maybe it's time to drop it.My friend asked me if I could name two structures that hold water.Some would say it is circulating.
I said, “Well, dam!”
(This one seems to be making the rounds on FB.)
I would hate to muddy the water, but I think it is too fluid to tell, if the tides have turned or not.
Dam it, make up your mind. Don't be so wishy washy.
Or perhaps, they just need learn to go with the flow.
I guess it's true what they say... when it rains it pours.
There is a fine line between numerator and denominator.And those who do will be divided on whether it’s funny or not.
Only a fraction of people will get the joke.
I went to a sporting goods store and asked the clerk if they sold camouflaged pantsSee also: Space Force uniforms....
”Yes”, he replied, “but I can never find where they are.”
See also: Space Force uniforms....
See also: Space Force uniforms....
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DkRC_4QVAAEuPAw.jpg)
There have been memes going around the last few days after it was announced the Space Force will just use the Army uniform with a different patches. The jokes were why we're using green camouflage in space?
The government isn't throwing another billion dollars at another new uniform and people are upset?
Q:What did the frog order at McDonald’s?
Spoiler: show
There have been memes going around the last few days after it was announced the Space Force will just use the Army uniform with a different patches. The jokes were why we're using green camouflage in space?
The government isn't throwing another billion dollars at another new uniform and people are upset?
Those are the only two options? Really?
The only thing Flat-Earthers fear is sphere itself.That's a good, well rounded joke.
How do IT departments protect network users from viruses?Wow that one's good/bad on multiple levels!
In the "Dad Jokes" category"
I refused to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I got home...
all the signs were there.
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.Spoiler: show
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.Spoiler: show
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.Spoiler: show
Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.Spoiler: show
Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."
Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.
i just read that the creator of auto-correct has passed away. May he restaurant in peace.
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.Took me a second to connect the dots on that one.
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.Took me a second to connect the dots on that one.
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.
How does NASA organize their annual holiday party?Spoiler: show
Not so much a stupid joke but are silly limericks allowed? I spent the last two weeks on holiday from work and returned on Monday with terrible post-holiday blues. I was so happy to get through my first day back at work I wrote the below to cheer myself up.There was a young man called n-g-u,
who after his holiday was feeling so blue.
His work inbox was heaving,
and his time they were thieving,
He couldn't wait to see his FIRE plan through.
Yesterday I saw an ad that said: Radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on fullDoes this joke get a good reception?Spoiler: show
The signals are that it does.Yesterday I saw an ad that said: Radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on fullDoes this joke get a good reception?Spoiler: show
I was having a discussion a few minutes ago with a coworker about one of our computer systems being an absolute piece of junk. He shared this with me in response.
I was having a discussion a few minutes ago with a coworker about one of our computer systems being an absolute piece of junk. He shared this with me in response.
That is a good one, I have it posted on my cubical wall at work.
Not so much a stupid joke but are silly limericks allowed? I spent the last two weeks on holiday from work and returned on Monday with terrible post-holiday blues. I was so happy to get through my first day back at work I wrote the below to cheer myself up.There was a young man called n-g-u,
who after his holiday was feeling so blue.
His work inbox was heaving,
and his time they were thieving,
He couldn't wait to see his FIRE plan through.A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical
The good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical
A man walked into a bar. He told the bartender "I'd like a Corona, and two Hurricanes."
The bartender said "That'll be $20.20."
A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.I think I've herd that one before.
I liked it. I'm chomping at the bit for more.A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.I think I've herd that one before.
I thought someone might try and cram another one in there.I liked it. I'm chomping at the bit for more.A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.I think I've herd that one before.
Hold your horses!I thought someone might try and cram another one in there.I liked it. I'm chomping at the bit for more.A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.I think I've herd that one before.
That girl must be a sailor.
She's so thiccccccc she's got seven C's!
paging @Sailor Sam , cause, you know, you might find humor... or not.
And every solution anybody pointed out led to null results.Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.Spoiler: show
Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."
Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.
Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.
This joke is starting to feel recursive.And every solution anybody pointed out led to null results.Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.Spoiler: show
Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."
Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.
Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.
Who's going to compile all these puns when we're done?This joke is starting to feel recursive.And every solution anybody pointed out led to null results.Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.Spoiler: show
Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."
Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.
Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.
Y'all get C++Who's going to compile all these puns when we're done?This joke is starting to feel recursive.And every solution anybody pointed out led to null results.Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.Spoiler: show
Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."
Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.
Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.
What was the pirate's favorite computational tool?But it must be compiled at September 19th to be fully working!Spoiler: show
A bunch of retired F-117s landed at a Marine Corps Air Station today. The event wasn't on their radar.
I was approached by some sleazy social media marketing company today - they offered me sex with an 18-year-old underwear model in exchange for advertising some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends online. I (obviously!) declined, since I'm a person of high moral standards and strong willpower. Almost as strong as Ajax tile and tub cleaner, which powers through mildew and soap scum with ease - now available in a new lemon fresh scent!
I found out yesterday, that there is a tradition of "First Dogs" in the White House which Trump has broken.In that vein...
So... what is the difference between Trump and a First Dog?
The dog puts less crap in the White House.
Question: Would a person who takes care of chickens be known as a chicken tender?
I have started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.
As they say, that stock has good bones.I have started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.
You definitely win the internet for today.
And some good meat on those, too!As they say, that stock has good bones.I have started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.
You definitely win the internet for today.
And some good meat on those, too!As they say, that stock has good bones.I have started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.
You definitely win the internet for today.
And some good meat on those, too!As they say, that stock has good bones.I have started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.
You definitely win the internet for today.
I guess that's what it boils down to.
And some good meat on those, too!As they say, that stock has good bones.I have started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.
You definitely win the internet for today.
I guess that's what it boils down to.
Rest in peace boiling water.
You will be mist.
Well, thankfully I have protective clothing, so I only end up being a blue collar worker.And some good meat on those, too!As they say, that stock has good bones.I have started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef, and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.
You definitely win the internet for today.
I guess that's what it boils down to.
Rest in peace boiling water.
You will be mist.
This joke is so steamy, I'd swear you're working blue.
That joke has a really good hook.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?Spoiler: show
Oh grow up.That joke has a really good hook.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?Spoiler: show
Turns out little Peter Pan wasn't a good mustachian. I guess he was living in a financial fairytale or something.Oh grow up.That joke has a really good hook.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?Spoiler: show
Turns out little Peter Pan wasn't a good mustachian. I guess he was living in a financial fairytale or something.Oh grow up.That joke has a really good hook.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?Spoiler: show
Catch me if you can.
I won't grow up.
Not a penny will I pinch.
I will never grow a mustache,
Or a fraction of an inch.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?Only if they have an Prime account. Hint: It is not mandatory, even if Amazon wants it to be.Spoiler: show
Well, yes, but it's a better joke without including the "Prime".What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?Only if they have an Prime account. Hint: It is not mandatory, even if Amazon wants it to be.Spoiler: show
May day is on April 30?
May day is on April 30?
It's my power of positive thinking I am already enjoying the weekend! Or I could argue it's already May 1st in Australia. ;)
May day is on April 30?
It's my power of positive thinking I am already enjoying the weekend! Or I could argue it's already May 1st in Australia. ;)
Yo mama's so old.... she's getting vaccinated next week.Well (thankfully) that joke didn’t ‘age’ well...
I thought I would post the single nerdiest joke in the world. If you get it it means you're a geek.
What's the answer to Hamlet's question?Spoiler: show
letters
letters
I feel embarrassed for how long I was hating you for not giving the answer to the riddle.
what do you call a deer with no eyes?Spoiler: show
Your stupid jokes. (It's what you wanted me to tell you. Yes, I outdid the hexadecimal joke for groan-worthy)I see what you did there. I approve. In hindsight, I'm surprised it took 18 pages to happen.
What has two butts and kills people?Spoiler: show
Why do the riot police wake up so early?Spoiler: show
that's just the pepper spray.Why do the riot police wake up so early?Spoiler: show
That one stings a little.
Though in New York it's called pepperoni spray.that's just the pepper spray.Why do the riot police wake up so early?Spoiler: show
That one stings a little.
Though in New York it's called pepperoni spray.that's just the pepper spray.Why do the riot police wake up so early?Spoiler: show
That one stings a little.
My favorite Stupid Joke of all time:
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.
My favorite Stupid Joke of all time:
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.
That's a shell of a joke!
Well, I hope the peanut that was a salted is feelng butter.My favorite Stupid Joke of all time:
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.
That's a shell of a joke!
That was quite the roast!
Well, I hope the peanut that was a salted is feelng butter.My favorite Stupid Joke of all time:
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.
That's a shell of a joke!
That was quite the roast!
Well, I hope the peanut that was a salted is feelng butter.My favorite Stupid Joke of all time:
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.
That's a shell of a joke!
That was quite the roast!
He was, until he got himself in a jam.
Well, I hope the peanut that was a salted is feelng butter.My favorite Stupid Joke of all time:
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.
(https://i.imgflip.com/ev3dw.jpg)
That's a shell of a joke!
That was quite the roast!
He was, until he got himself in a jam.
I can't believe it's not butter.
I can't believe you all are going on and on about the peanut joke and ignoring the soap and water joke right above it!
I can't believe you all are going on and on about the peanut joke and ignoring the soap and water joke right above it!So sorry. I prefer clean jokes. I thought it was going to be a clean joke, but it ended up being a dirty joke.
Why do you have to dog my jokes?I can't believe you all are going on and on about the peanut joke and ignoring the soap and water joke right above it!So sorry. I prefer clean jokes. I thought it was going to be a clean joke, but it ended up being a dirty joke.
Jack Sprat and his wife would have been proud.Why do you have to dog my jokes?I can't believe you all are going on and on about the peanut joke and ignoring the soap and water joke right above it!So sorry. I prefer clean jokes. I thought it was going to be a clean joke, but it ended up being a dirty joke.
It's true. He has this wordplay thing licked.Jack Sprat and his wife would have been proud.Why do you have to dog my jokes?I can't believe you all are going on and on about the peanut joke and ignoring the soap and water joke right above it!So sorry. I prefer clean jokes. I thought it was going to be a clean joke, but it ended up being a dirty joke.
One might say he licked it clean!It's true. He has this wordplay thing licked.Jack Sprat and his wife would have been proud.Why do you have to dog my jokes?I can't believe you all are going on and on about the peanut joke and ignoring the soap and water joke right above it!So sorry. I prefer clean jokes. I thought it was going to be a clean joke, but it ended up being a dirty joke.
(https://media.istockphoto.com/photos/dog-licking-plates-in-the-dishwasher-picture-id816002738?k=6&m=816002738&s=612x612&w=0&h=0rpjuh8DOoC2SvGUustu8z0QPxZGzmCOtxOd1gaM-2M=)(https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/85639492.jpg)
The new (https://www.choiceroofcontractors.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/energy-star-logo1.png) dishwasher no water or electricity required!
I make terrible science puns....Do you choose them from a table?Spoiler: show
It is much more elemental than that, though it is very noble of you to ask. As a geologist, I often find I get the most out of the rare and earthy ones.I make terrible science puns....Do you choose them from a table?Spoiler: show
I was going to be a geologistIt is much more elemental than that, though it is very noble of you to ask. As a geologist, I often find I get the most out of the rare and earthy ones.I make terrible science puns....Do you choose them from a table?Spoiler: show
男:お母さん、いる?
幼児:いらな〜い!
男:お母さん、いる?
幼児:いらな〜い!
It's a kind of a play on words. And you're right, it doesn't translate well at all.Deepl has become very good at German <-> English
It's based on the fact that the man asks a question with a word that could be taken two ways. You expect it to go the usual way ("Is your mom there?"), but the child took it the other way ("Do you need your mother?") The exact same question means both things.
I actually saw this on TV years ago, on one of those "Kids say the darndest things" shows. For some reason, it really stuck with me and still gives me a chuckle to this day.
EDIT: If Google Translate can ever pull off a translation like that there will truly be no need to learn foreign languages any more.
It's a kind of a play on words. And you're right, it doesn't translate well at all.Deepl has become very good at German <-> English
It's based on the fact that the man asks a question with a word that could be taken two ways. You expect it to go the usual way ("Is your mom there?"), but the child took it the other way ("Do you need your mother?") The exact same question means both things.
I actually saw this on TV years ago, on one of those "Kids say the darndest things" shows. For some reason, it really stuck with me and still gives me a chuckle to this day.
EDIT: If Google Translate can ever pull off a translation like that there will truly be no need to learn foreign languages any more.
The also offer Japanese, but that does not work well.
btw. one of my favorite youtuibe channels is "Kimono mum" - with 2 year old assistant Sutan. Damn, that child can make faces!!!
Geneticist 1: I've successfully engineered this bacteria to read its DNA backwards!!!I hope you have a whole sequence of these.
Geneticist 2: AND?
They can be tough to replicateGeneticist 1: I've successfully engineered this bacteria to read its DNA backwards!!!I hope you have a whole sequence of these.
Geneticist 2: AND?
I keep a list of the good ones in the back pocket of my genes.They can be tough to replicateGeneticist 1: I've successfully engineered this bacteria to read its DNA backwards!!!I hope you have a whole sequence of these.
Geneticist 2: AND?
For the nerds among us:Don’t you see the sign? No foot, no flute, no serif!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
Two cows standing in a field. One cow asks the other "So are you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other cow says "Not at all; I'm a helicopter!"
Two cows standing in a field. One cow asks the other "So are you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other cow says "Not at all; I'm a helicopter!"
I know this one is from a long time ago, but I just noticed it. I can't figure it out at all. @Frankies Girl or anybody else, can you spell it out for me?
Two cows standing in a field. One cow asks the other "So are you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other cow says "Not at all; I'm a helicopter!"
I know this one is from a long time ago, but I just noticed it. I can't figure it out at all. @Frankies Girl or anybody else, can you spell it out for me?
The second cow is crazy and thinks he is a helicopter. e.g. he already has MCD.
For the nerds among us:That bartender sounds like a total typist.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
You, sir, deserve a medal for that one.For the nerds among us:That bartender sounds like a total typist.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
How do you tell the age of a Christmas tree?Spoiler: show
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybPUTvi4YIY&ab_channel=ElonMuskViralVideos (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybPUTvi4YIY&ab_channel=ElonMuskViralVideos)
Feel free to watch the video if you want, but you have to read the comments.
(https://nwamotherlode.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Friday-13-meme2.jpg)
'Paraskevidekatriaphobia' is the term used to define the fear of this day.
What happens when Jason Voorhees tells a joke?Spoiler: show
This one cut a little close to home.(https://nwamotherlode.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Friday-13-meme2.jpg)
'Paraskevidekatriaphobia' is the term used to define the fear of this day.
What happens when Jason Voorhees tells a joke?Spoiler: show
I love it
This one cut a little close to home.(https://nwamotherlode.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Friday-13-meme2.jpg)
'Paraskevidekatriaphobia' is the term used to define the fear of this day.
What happens when Jason Voorhees tells a joke?Spoiler: show
I love it
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FSNPtoqXEAEWF_v.jpg)
95% of all German Shepherds are dogs.As a German I have to correct you that the number is more likely 99,95%
The other 5% are German Shepherds.
Fair. It would make a fun pie chart if you calculated the actual number.95% of all German Shepherds are dogs.As a German I have to correct you that the number is more likely 99,95%
The other 5% are German Shepherds.
But was a good one nonetheless.
Who is the messiah of dairy?
Cheesus!
Did you see the news about the guy who got frozen to absolute zero?
They said it was a bit painful at first, but he's 0K now.
Did you see the news about the guy who got frozen to absolute zero?
They said it was a bit painful at first, but he's 0K now.
Nerd humor. I get it! I get it!
Did you see the news about the guy who got frozen to absolute zero?
They said it was a bit painful at first, but he's 0K now.
Nerd humor. I get it! I get it!
I keep getting Calvin and Kelvin mixed up.....Spoiler: show
Did you see the news about the guy who got frozen to absolute zero?
They said it was a bit painful at first, but he's 0K now.
Nerd humor. I get it! I get it!
I keep getting Calvin and Kelvin mixed up.....Spoiler: show
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaf clover?Possible improvement:Spoiler: show
I was at a bookstore yesterday and I saw a book about how to solve 50% of my problems...
...so I bought two of them.
I was at a bookstore yesterday and I saw a book about how to solve 50% of my problems...
...so I bought two of them.
Now you can solve 75% of your problems.
The Zeno paradox problem. I can only ever solve half of it.I was at a bookstore yesterday and I saw a book about how to solve 50% of my problems...
...so I bought two of them.
Now you can solve 75% of your problems.
Bahahahaha!
It’s been six months since I joined the gym, and still no progress!
I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s going on.
My all-time favorite joke:
Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: "BREATHE, FOOL, BREATHE!!!"
(https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.QN2Uocz5JIccmbq3Ndu8YQHaHa?pid=ImgDet&w=180&h=180&c=7)
What’s scarier than Friday the 13th?…Spoiler: show
What Great Lake should you avoid on Friday the 13th?…Spoiler: show
Knock knock… Who is there?… Bee… Bee who?…Spoiler: show
The cops arrested a black cat on Friday the 13th…Spoiler: show
What’s scarier than Friday the 13th?…Spoiler: show
(https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.QN2Uocz5JIccmbq3Ndu8YQHaHa?pid=ImgDet&w=180&h=180&c=7)Reminds me of this bit of visual stupid joke:
God, that was awful.
How did Jesus maintain his physique?Spoiler: show
I think he nailed it.God, that was awful.
How did Jesus maintain his physique?Spoiler: show
Or as we Germans would say: He hit the nail on the head.I think he nailed it.God, that was awful.
How did Jesus maintain his physique?Spoiler: show
Why do cheetahs skip breakfast?Spoiler: show
Why do cheetahs skip breakfast?Spoiler: show
I was going to go with "Every day is a cheat day when you're a cheetah!"
Why do cheetahs skip breakfast?Spoiler: show
I was going to go with "Every day is a cheat day when you're a cheetah!"
(https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIF.rMN1DW0R0FB6w6RIF07gDQ?w=283&h=180&c=7&r=0&o=5&pid=1.7)Yeah, the Julian version does sound smoother than the Gregorian
What’s a great thing about leap-year jokes?Spoiler: show
Why can a chicken coop only have two doors?Spoiler: show
Sounds like he didn't put any brakes on that joke!Why can a chicken coop only have two doors?Spoiler: show
My 8-yesr-old son came home with that one a week ago. I worked in the car business, so he got a lot of mileage out of it.
This joke is used, though well-maintained, and comes with a high rate of interestSounds like he didn't put any brakes on that joke!Why can a chicken coop only have two doors?Spoiler: show
My 8-yesr-old son came home with that one a week ago. I worked in the car business, so he got a lot of mileage out of it.