Author Topic: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes  (Read 251013 times)

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #750 on: July 10, 2020, 07:06:33 AM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #751 on: July 10, 2020, 09:37:32 AM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.

Daley

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #752 on: July 10, 2020, 10:25:49 AM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.

Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #753 on: July 10, 2020, 10:45:45 AM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.

Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."

Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.

Daley

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #754 on: July 10, 2020, 12:04:27 PM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.

Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."

Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.

Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #755 on: July 10, 2020, 04:24:38 PM »
i just read that the creator of auto-correct has passed away. May he restaurant in peace.

I hope he riots in help.

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #756 on: July 28, 2020, 06:15:29 AM »
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #757 on: July 28, 2020, 09:59:24 AM »
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.
Took me a second to connect the dots on that one.

Daley

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #758 on: July 28, 2020, 10:28:46 AM »
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.
Took me a second to connect the dots on that one.

My understanding was spotty, at best.

partgypsy

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #759 on: July 28, 2020, 10:28:52 AM »
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.

good one

Loretta

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #760 on: July 28, 2020, 10:54:52 AM »
How does NASA organize their annual holiday party? 



Spoiler: show
They plan it. 

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #761 on: July 28, 2020, 05:42:11 PM »
How does NASA organize their annual holiday party? 



Spoiler: show
They plan it. 


Pluto stopped getting invited.

never give up

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #762 on: July 30, 2020, 05:48:17 AM »
Not so much a stupid joke but are silly limericks allowed? I spent the last two weeks on holiday from work and returned on Monday with terrible post-holiday blues. I was so happy to get through my first day back at work I wrote the below to cheer myself up.


There was a young man called n-g-u,
who after his holiday was feeling so blue.
His work inbox was heaving,
and his time they were thieving,
He couldn't wait to see his FIRE plan through.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #763 on: July 30, 2020, 07:58:23 AM »
Not so much a stupid joke but are silly limericks allowed? I spent the last two weeks on holiday from work and returned on Monday with terrible post-holiday blues. I was so happy to get through my first day back at work I wrote the below to cheer myself up.


There was a young man called n-g-u,
who after his holiday was feeling so blue.
His work inbox was heaving,
and his time they were thieving,
He couldn't wait to see his FIRE plan through.

A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical
The good ones Iíve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical

never give up

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #764 on: July 30, 2020, 08:06:49 AM »
Haha very true techwiz. Some of them are as rude as can be! I kept mine clean for the nice people on here.

dreadmoose

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #765 on: July 30, 2020, 03:08:43 PM »
I messaged my coworker in Health and Safety the other day about the best way to pick up a heavy box.

He texted me straight back.

Turkey Leg

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #766 on: July 31, 2020, 07:33:58 AM »
Yesterday I saw an ad that said: Radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full

Spoiler: show
I thought, "I can't turn that down."

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #767 on: July 31, 2020, 09:51:42 AM »
Yesterday I saw an ad that said: Radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full

Spoiler: show
I thought, "I can't turn that down."

Does this joke get a good reception?

never give up

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #768 on: July 31, 2020, 10:18:21 AM »
Yesterday I saw an ad that said: Radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full

Spoiler: show
I thought, "I can't turn that down."

Does this joke get a good reception?
The signals are that it does.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #769 on: July 31, 2020, 11:42:38 AM »
What's the difference between a guitarist and a dressmaker?

A dressmaker tucks up frills.

nereo

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #770 on: August 02, 2020, 12:17:52 PM »
Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Spoiler: show
Because itís too far for them to walk.

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #771 on: August 06, 2020, 09:20:28 PM »
I was having a discussion a few minutes ago with a coworker about one of our computer systems being an absolute piece of junk. He shared this with me in response.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #772 on: August 07, 2020, 05:37:09 AM »
I was having a discussion a few minutes ago with a coworker about one of our computer systems being an absolute piece of junk. He shared this with me in response.

That is a good one, I have it posted on my cubical wall at work.

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #773 on: August 07, 2020, 05:36:56 PM »
I was having a discussion a few minutes ago with a coworker about one of our computer systems being an absolute piece of junk. He shared this with me in response.

That is a good one, I have it posted on my cubical wall at work.

I'm really surprised I never heard of the joke until yesterday. Every government civilian in my Facebook circle says it's taped to somebody's cubicle in their office.

PhilB

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #774 on: August 08, 2020, 07:11:06 AM »
Not so much a stupid joke but are silly limericks allowed? I spent the last two weeks on holiday from work and returned on Monday with terrible post-holiday blues. I was so happy to get through my first day back at work I wrote the below to cheer myself up.


There was a young man called n-g-u,
who after his holiday was feeling so blue.
His work inbox was heaving,
and his time they were thieving,
He couldn't wait to see his FIRE plan through.

A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical
The good ones Iíve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical

I'll share my favourite limerick for any History of Art buffs out there:

Titian was mixing rose madder
Whilst painting a nude on a ladder
Her position, to Titian
Suggested coition
So he slipped up the ladder and had 'er

I'll get my coat.

Turkey Leg

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #775 on: August 10, 2020, 02:46:11 PM »
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it, but nobody saw.

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #776 on: August 23, 2020, 06:07:20 PM »
A man walked into a bar. He told the bartender "I'd like a Corona, and two Hurricanes."

The bartender said "That'll be $20.20."

CowboyAndIndian

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #777 on: August 24, 2020, 06:38:08 AM »
A man walked into a bar. He told the bartender "I'd like a Corona, and two Hurricanes."

The bartender said "That'll be $20.20."

Hurricanes in the French quarter in New Orleans!!!

Loren Ver

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #778 on: August 24, 2020, 07:40:07 AM »
Mask humor

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #779 on: August 24, 2020, 10:26:42 PM »
Why don't ants get Covid?

Spoiler: show
... Because they have anty-bodies.

Turkey Leg

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #780 on: September 06, 2020, 12:09:27 PM »
I walked by a farm and read a sign that said, "DUCK, EGGS."

I thought, "That's an unnecessary comma."

Then it hit me.

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #781 on: September 07, 2020, 07:24:47 AM »
A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #782 on: September 07, 2020, 10:11:35 AM »
A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.
I think I've herd that one before.

yakamashii

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #783 on: September 07, 2020, 10:55:16 PM »
A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.
I think I've herd that one before.
I liked it. I'm chomping at the bit for more.

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #784 on: September 07, 2020, 10:57:28 PM »
A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.
I think I've herd that one before.
I liked it. I'm chomping at the bit for more.
I thought someone might try and cram another one in there.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #785 on: September 08, 2020, 07:43:50 AM »
A man goes to the ER and complains about severe pain in his rectum. After an examination, the doc says "well it looks like you've got a bunch of toy horses shoved up your rear. Don't worry though, your condition is stable.
I think I've herd that one before.
I liked it. I'm chomping at the bit for more.
I thought someone might try and cram another one in there.
Hold your horses!

dougules

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #786 on: September 09, 2020, 09:15:12 PM »
What is Beethoven doing these days?

Spoiler: show
Decomposing

Goldielocks

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #787 on: September 10, 2020, 09:59:12 PM »
That girl must be a sailor.
She's so thiccccccc she's got seven C's!



paging @Sailor Sam , cause, you know, you might find humor... or not.

Sailor Sam

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #788 on: September 11, 2020, 05:06:39 AM »
That girl must be a sailor.
She's so thiccccccc she's got seven C's!



paging @Sailor Sam , cause, you know, you might find humor... or not.

I laughed!

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #789 on: October 21, 2020, 07:47:02 AM »

A bunch of Dumb Halloween Jokes:

What do you call a dancing ghost?
Spoiler: show
Polka-haunt-us.

What do you call a cheesy Halloween dance?
Spoiler: show
The muenster mash!

When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims?
Spoiler: show
On Fry Day.

How do you write a book about Halloween?
Spoiler: show
With a ghostwriter

Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
Spoiler: show
At the casketeria.

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Spoiler: show
They have bat breath.

What is a vampireís favorite holiday?
Spoiler: show
Fangsgiving.

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Spoiler: show
 ďDo you believe in people?Ē

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Spoiler: show
Bamboo.

Whatís a ghostís favorite ride at the carnival? A:
Spoiler: show
The roller ghoster.

When does a ghost have breakfast?
Spoiler: show
In the moaning

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Spoiler: show
Hobliní Goblin.

What is in a ghostís nose?
Spoiler: show
Boogers.

What do you call a little monsters parents?
Spoiler: show
Mummy and Deady.

What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
Spoiler: show
 You suck.

What is a Skeletonís favorite song?
Spoiler: show
Bad to the Bone

What did the witch do on her birthday?
Spoiler: show
She spellabrates.

Whatís a monsterís favorite bean?
Spoiler: show
A human bean.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
Spoiler: show
 No, they eat the fingers separately

How does a witch tell time?
Spoiler: show
She looks at her witch watch.

What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Spoiler: show
Donít spook until youíre spoken to.

What is a vampireís favorite sport?
Spoiler: show
Casketball.

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Spoiler: show
Tweets.

What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Spoiler: show
Fettuccini Afraid-o.

What do you give to a pumpkin trying to quit smoking?
Spoiler: show
 A pumpkin patch.

What is a vampireís favorite ice cream flavor?
Spoiler: show
Veinilla.

Why donít mummies take vacations?
Spoiler: show
Theyíre afraid theyíll relax and unwind

What do you call a ghost on the ceiling?
Spoiler: show
High-spirited.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Spoiler: show
Fish and ships.

What do female ghosts use to do their makeup?
Spoiler: show
Vanishing cream.


LennStar

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #790 on: October 21, 2020, 09:57:57 AM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.

Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."

Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.

Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.
And every solution anybody pointed out led to null results.

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #791 on: October 21, 2020, 11:54:54 AM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.

Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."

Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.

Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.
And every solution anybody pointed out led to null results.
This joke is starting to feel recursive.

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #792 on: October 21, 2020, 03:36:20 PM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.

Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."

Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.

Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.
And every solution anybody pointed out led to null results.
This joke is starting to feel recursive.
Who's going to compile all these puns when we're done?

geekette

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #793 on: October 21, 2020, 09:05:56 PM »
Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

Spoiler: show
People thought it seemed too scripted.

I thought that people just got squeamish about the bugs.

Yet the producer told Variety, "Can't you C? We have a language barrier."

Ironically, everyone was sad about the short runtime.

Let's be honest, there was just an array of problems.
And every solution anybody pointed out led to null results.
This joke is starting to feel recursive.
Who's going to compile all these puns when we're done?
Y'all get C++

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #794 on: October 21, 2020, 10:57:27 PM »
What was the pirate's favorite computational tool?

Spoiler: show
R

LennStar

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #795 on: October 22, 2020, 04:20:42 AM »
What was the pirate's favorite computational tool?

Spoiler: show
R

But it must be compiled at September 19th to be fully working!

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #796 on: October 22, 2020, 06:50:29 PM »
A bunch of retired F-117s landed at a Marine Corps Air Station today.  The event wasn't on their radar.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #797 on: October 26, 2020, 09:18:55 AM »
A bunch of retired F-117s landed at a Marine Corps Air Station today.  The event wasn't on their radar.

If they knew they were coming they could of "filled-in the blank" on their screens.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #798 on: November 10, 2020, 02:41:58 AM »
I was approached by some sleazy social media marketing company today - they offered me sex with an 18-year-old underwear model in exchange for advertising some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends online. I (obviously!) declined, since I'm a person of high moral standards and strong willpower. Almost as strong as Ajax tile and tub cleaner, which powers through mildew and soap scum with ease - now available in a new lemon fresh scent!

LennStar

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #799 on: November 10, 2020, 04:03:27 AM »
I found out yesterday, that there is a tradition of "First Dogs" in the White House which Trump has broken.

So... what is the difference between Trump and a First Dog?

The dog puts less crap in the White House.