Author Topic: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes  (Read 250961 times)

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2125
  • Age: 1821
  • Location: CO
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #500 on: May 03, 2018, 04:22:44 AM »
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

techwiz

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2761
  • Location: Ontario
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #501 on: May 04, 2018, 01:00:52 PM »


Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files?
Spoiler: show
Adobe Wan Kenobi


Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating?
Spoiler: show
Wookieleaks


Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
Spoiler: show
To get to the Dark Side.


Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
Spoiler: show
Because he has a green thumb.


Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”




Financial.Velociraptor

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1817
  • Age: 49
  • Location: Houston TX
  • Devour your prey raptors!
    • Living Universe Foundation
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #502 on: May 05, 2018, 10:02:40 AM »
Who led the Israelite's through the semi-permeable membrane?

Osmoses

Financial.Velociraptor

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1817
  • Age: 49
  • Location: Houston TX
  • Devour your prey raptors!
    • Living Universe Foundation
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #503 on: May 05, 2018, 10:21:07 AM »
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 17460
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #504 on: May 05, 2018, 11:24:11 AM »
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

Good one!

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2125
  • Age: 1821
  • Location: CO
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #505 on: May 05, 2018, 01:16:54 PM »
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

You could cross post this to the grammar nazi thread!

Bracken_Joy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8937
  • Location: Oregon
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #506 on: May 05, 2018, 05:26:29 PM »
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

Oooooh this is a really excellent one.

Taran Wanderer

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1122
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #507 on: May 06, 2018, 10:25:13 AM »
You guys are moving on to bugs, and I’m still laughing about, “Use the forks, Luke.”


Taran Wanderer

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1122
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #508 on: May 06, 2018, 10:27:39 AM »
Luke asks Yoda, “Why is 5 afraid of 6 seven?” [corrected - my bad...]

Yoda answers, “Because 6 7 8.”

(Hint:  You have to use your Yoda voice.)

« Last Edit: May 07, 2018, 02:43:02 AM by Taran Wanderer »

sol

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8465
  • Age: 45
  • Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #509 on: May 06, 2018, 10:35:15 AM »
Luke asks Yoda, “Why is 5 afraid of 6?”

Yoda answers, “Because 6 7 8.”

(Hint:  You have to use your Yoda voice.)

Shouldn't this be "Why is 5 afraid of 7"?  Otherwise, 5 is afraid of 6 because 6 has been eaten. 


Glenstache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3246
  • Age: 92
  • Location: Upper left corner
  • FI(lean) working on the "RE"
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #510 on: May 06, 2018, 01:08:44 PM »
Luke asks Yoda, “Why is 5 afraid of 6?”

Yoda answers, “Because 6 7 8.”

(Hint:  You have to use your Yoda voice.)

Shouldn't this be "Why is 5 afraid of 7"?  Otherwise, 5 is afraid of 6 because 6 has been eaten.
Use your Yoda voice, you must.

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2125
  • Age: 1821
  • Location: CO
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #511 on: May 06, 2018, 02:10:28 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "7 ate 6", and so 7 is the one you should fear.

nereo

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 15876
  • Location: Just south of Canada
    • Here's how you can support science today:
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #512 on: May 06, 2018, 02:11:01 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2125
  • Age: 1821
  • Location: CO
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #513 on: May 06, 2018, 02:14:58 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."

Right. Now take Yoda's sentence "because six seven eight, he did." and put it into normal English.

sol

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8465
  • Age: 45
  • Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #514 on: May 06, 2018, 02:17:43 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."

not missing it.  Using Yoda's syntax, "6, 7 8" means "seven ate six."  Six got eaten.  But the joke loses its impact if you say "7, 6 8" because it's not numerically ordered.

Have we killed this one yet?

nereo

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 15876
  • Location: Just south of Canada
    • Here's how you can support science today:
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #515 on: May 06, 2018, 02:18:17 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."

Right. Now take Yoda's sentence "because six seven eight, he did." and put it into normal English.
Exactly.  The yoda part is what changes up the joke.  Normally it's something like "why is 6 afraid of 7 -- because 7 - 8- 9".


nereo

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 15876
  • Location: Just south of Canada
    • Here's how you can support science today:
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #516 on: May 06, 2018, 02:19:14 PM »

Have we killed this one yet?
Totally.  jokes lose their humor when they require a discussion -- stupid jokes even more-so.

MDM

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 10905
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #517 on: May 06, 2018, 02:25:06 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."
Depends whether one assumes Yoda's speech pattern is object-subject-verb or subject-object-verb.  At least one "reference" describes the way Yoda famously speaks, ordering his sentences object-subject-verb, or OSV.

Davnasty

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2719
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #518 on: May 06, 2018, 04:37:45 PM »
try it this way "Because Luke spaghetti ate"

I'm not seeing it.

"Because spaghetti Luke ate" seems much more Yoda like.

Glenstache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3246
  • Age: 92
  • Location: Upper left corner
  • FI(lean) working on the "RE"
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #519 on: May 06, 2018, 04:53:36 PM »
Q: How many Mustachians does it take to overthink a joke?

A; Let me finish counting and I'll get back to you.

Davnasty

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2719
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #520 on: May 06, 2018, 08:54:38 PM »
Q: How many Mustachians does it take to overthink a joke?

A; Let me finish counting and I'll get back to you.

Just one. I wasted more time pondering Yoda speak tonight than I'd like to admit, all by myself. But the more the merrier.

Taran Wanderer

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1122
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #521 on: May 07, 2018, 02:41:14 AM »
I screwed it up.  Let's try this again...

(Let the face punches commence.)
« Last Edit: May 07, 2018, 02:43:44 AM by Taran Wanderer »

Davnasty

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2719
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #522 on: May 07, 2018, 06:12:37 AM »
I screwed it up.  Let's try this again...

(Let the face punches commence.)

Much better, especially with Yoda's face in the last frame.

nereo

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 15876
  • Location: Just south of Canada
    • Here's how you can support science today:
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #523 on: May 07, 2018, 06:28:26 AM »
Sometimes real life is funnier than any stupid joke:

Man steals car to get to court to face stolen car charge.

Dollar Slice

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8141
  • Age: 44
  • Location: New York City
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #524 on: May 08, 2018, 10:40:20 AM »
What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror?

Halloumi!

Loren Ver

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 978
  • Location: Midwest USA
  • I Retired. Yah!
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #525 on: June 05, 2018, 03:50:16 PM »

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Accuracy is important!

MissNancyPryor

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 463
  • The Stewardess is Flying the Plane!
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #526 on: June 05, 2018, 06:11:47 PM »
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet. 

A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.

The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."


nereo

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 15876
  • Location: Just south of Canada
    • Here's how you can support science today:
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #527 on: June 06, 2018, 05:05:47 AM »
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet. 

A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.

The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Was the snail at home when this happened?

Koogie

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 217
  • Location: Toronto-ish
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #528 on: June 06, 2018, 07:49:43 AM »
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet. 

A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.

The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Was the snail at home when this happened?

Congrats !   That's a (s)hell of a joke !


Glenstache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3246
  • Age: 92
  • Location: Upper left corner
  • FI(lean) working on the "RE"
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #529 on: June 06, 2018, 09:55:14 AM »
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet. 

A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.

The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Was the snail at home when this happened?
I think he was just poking out of the house for a quick bite.

erutio

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 715
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #530 on: June 06, 2018, 02:28:14 PM »
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet. 

A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.

The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Was the snail at home when this happened?

Congrats !   That's a (s)hell of a joke !

Should have slugged the tortoise when it had the chance.

Koogie

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 217
  • Location: Toronto-ish
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #531 on: June 06, 2018, 03:13:06 PM »
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet. 

A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.

The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Was the snail at home when this happened?

Congrats !   That's a (s)hell of a joke !

Should have slugged the tortoise when it had the chance.

I don't know if we can trust the snails version of events.  He seems like a slimey fellow...

Glenstache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3246
  • Age: 92
  • Location: Upper left corner
  • FI(lean) working on the "RE"
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #532 on: June 06, 2018, 03:46:25 PM »
A tortoise mugged a snail and took his wallet. 

A policeman asked the snail to provide a description of the mugger.

The snail said, "I can't officer, it all happened so fast."
Was the snail at home when this happened?

Congrats !   That's a (s)hell of a joke !

Should have slugged the tortoise when it had the chance.

I don't know if we can trust the snails version of events.  He seems like a slimey fellow...

He'll probably be more careful next slime.

e34bb098

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 83
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #533 on: June 06, 2018, 03:57:18 PM »
A man was discovered in a laundromat attempting to have "intimate relations" with one of the machines.

The police were called, but as soon as they arrived, the man took off and escaped.

The next day, the newspaper headline said ...

Spoiler: show
NUT SCREWS WASHER AND BOLTS

techwiz

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2761
  • Location: Ontario
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #534 on: June 06, 2018, 04:37:03 PM »
A man was discovered in a laundromat attempting to have "intimate relations" with one of the machines.

The police were called, but as soon as they arrived, the man took off and escaped.

The next day, the newspaper headline said ...

Spoiler: show
NUT SCREWS WASHER AND BOLTS


He made a clean get away!

Koogie

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 217
  • Location: Toronto-ish
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #535 on: June 06, 2018, 06:10:52 PM »
He made a clean get away!

The other newspapers must have a dryer sense of humour....

Travis

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3878
  • Location: South Korea
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #536 on: June 06, 2018, 06:32:48 PM »
A National Guard officer stole an M577 and drove it down the highway today.  The police questioned him, but he wouldn't TOC.

zolotiyeruki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4719
  • Location: State: Denial
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #537 on: June 06, 2018, 07:55:01 PM »
What does TOC stand for?

Davnasty

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2719
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #538 on: June 06, 2018, 08:37:14 PM »
What does TOC stand for?

Tactical Operations Center

nereo

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 15876
  • Location: Just south of Canada
    • Here's how you can support science today:
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #539 on: June 07, 2018, 05:21:23 AM »
What does TOC stand for?

Tactical Operations Center

Everyone laughs at military humor.  Of course - they could call in an air strike on your home if you don't... but I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

radram

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 955
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #540 on: June 12, 2018, 11:39:18 PM »
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?


Spoiler: show
Attire

radram

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 955
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #541 on: June 12, 2018, 11:40:55 PM »
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school:

Spoiler: show
Bison

radram

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 955
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #542 on: June 12, 2018, 11:41:46 PM »
I wanted to tell a joke about Leeches........ But it sucked.

nereo

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 15876
  • Location: Just south of Canada
    • Here's how you can support science today:
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #543 on: June 13, 2018, 08:53:52 AM »
I wanted to tell a joke about Leeches........ But it sucked.
I had a similar one about a blowfish...

Glenstache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3246
  • Age: 92
  • Location: Upper left corner
  • FI(lean) working on the "RE"
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #544 on: June 13, 2018, 09:01:15 AM »
I wanted to tell a joke about Leeches........ But it sucked.
I had a similar one about a blowfish...
Huh. My joke about surgeons really had people in stitches.

Koogie

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 217
  • Location: Toronto-ish
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #545 on: June 13, 2018, 09:25:35 AM »
I doubt any of you have those jokes... it just seems too fishy....

FIRE@50

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 537
  • Age: 44
  • Location: Maryland
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #546 on: June 13, 2018, 09:31:54 AM »
My driver's ed teacher used to say that he called quizzes quizzicals and then asked if anyone had a new name for tests.

CindyBS

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 462
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #547 on: June 14, 2018, 10:48:37 AM »
What is the difference between boogers and broccoli?



Kids won't eat broccoli.


Why won't the letters S and H talk?


Everyone says SSSSHHHHH when they see them.



Those are both good kids jokes.

Feral Car Rescue

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 6
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #548 on: June 15, 2018, 11:29:07 PM »
Why can't your head be 12" long?

Because then it would be a foot.

Penn42

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 267
Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #549 on: June 16, 2018, 06:45:17 AM »
What has 9 arms and sucks?

Spoiler: show
Def Leopard