Opting out of Gift Exchange

[Chesleygirl]

Does anyone here stopped doing gift exchanges with their friends or opted out of Secret Santa at work?

[Dave1442397]

Yes, we had a couple of old-timers who insisted on organizing holiday lunches with secret Santa gifts. A lot of us stopped going because that day just happened to be our work-from-home day (what a coincidence!), and then one of them got laid off and the other quit organizing. 

[Ms.BecomingFI]

There was a white elephant at work the other day with a $10 gift.  I am new there so I thought this will be fun!  And thought it was a good way to meet some co-workers that I don't normally see.  It was funny, but when the exchange was over, I left thinking, "What am an going to do with the junk?" And a waste of $10.  =(  The junk is still sitting in my desk drawer at work.  Needless to say, I think I will opt out in the future!

[Chesleygirl]

Yes, we had a couple of old-timers who insisted on organizing holiday lunches with secret Santa gifts. A lot of us stopped going because that day just happened to be our work-from-home day (what a coincidence!), and then one of them got laid off and the other quit organizing.

Yeah, I guess it is kind of an old-fashioned tradition. I don't think it's popular with the younger generation.

Same thing with giving turkeys to employees for Thanksgiving. Very old-school.

[Just Joe]

I contributed a bottle of wine last year to Secret Santa. Was surprised that some of my Bible Belt conservative coworkers raised an eyebrow to that one.

I really don't want $10 of anything this year but fear opting out b/c it might look like I'm not a team player.

[TheOldestYoungMan]

I used to, but then one year I just didn't.  I still go to the party and enjoy watching everyone else participate and interact, but yea, in general I just get no joy out of possessions so I have a hard time imagining others would.  I thought about bringing consumables, and I think that's probably where I'm headed gift-wise for family/friends from now on, because I really just hate getting shit.  But if someone gave me brownies I'd like that.

But yea, don't participate in the game, don't be a dick about it, just show up, socialize, have a good time, say you had some "real life shit" going on and didn't get around to gettin' anything.  It'll be fine.  Anybody that cares can go get fucked.

[Villanelle]

Throughout the year, I get plenty of shit I don't need or like.  I have a box in the closet full of the stuff that is decent but just not for me. A necklace I'll never wear, a candle I won't burn, a cutesie dishtowel I won't use, coffee (I don't drink it), etc.   Unless I want to, I never have to spend money on a gift exchange.  I just pull something out of the gift box.  I also use it for hostess gifts.  (I stick a note to each item reminding me who gave it to me so I don't regift to the same person or within the friend group.)

[ixtap]

There was a white elephant at work the other day with a $10 gift.  I am new there so I thought this will be fun!  And thought it was a good way to meet some co-workers that I don't normally see.  It was funny, but when the exchange was over, I left thinking, "What am an going to do with the junk?" And a waste of $10.  =(  The junk is still sitting in my desk drawer at work.  Needless to say, I think I will opt out in the future!

DH got a gift card at work, but this year he is taking a gift we picked up at a different exchange. He has kept it in his car all this time, so the box is a bit faded. He just loves the experience. Evidently, as a child he walked home from sporting events without waiting for the trophies, too.

[Stachetastic]

We opted out of a family exchange this year. It is a $30 limit and most of the participants are high earners with expensive taste (we are the exception on both counts), so $30 is a challenge. Last year, I received a gift set of the most offensively smelly perfume, smiled politely with a thanks and promptly decided Never Again. This year, I told an uncle that we were opting out, and he and my aunt jumped on board right away. We thought it was canceled completely, but apparently some others are continuing on without us. I can't wait to see what they all open and think to myself "glad I'm not stuck taking that home!"

[MsSindy]

Opted out of gift exchange with friends and adult siblings once we all were about 20ish.  Finally able to convince MIL to stop the madness... but mostly we just don't go visit there during the holidays and come during the summer, this helps tremendously and removes any awkwardness during present opening time.

As for Secret Santa, I just opt out.  I participate in the potluck part of it and will watch and chuckle as they pass around the mostly useless gifts.  If anyone asks why I don't participate, I just say, "honestly, I just don't need any more stuff"... and I do air quotes around 'stuff'.... I've never had anyone offended or raise an eyebrow. I usually get a look of 'yeah, I hear ya!' So, go have fun, socialize, and enjoy yourself.

[lizzzi]

The last place I worked had a gift exchange, but a lot of the staff members would specifically ask that instead of the giver buying them a gift, would they just please give them the money instead. OK, very practical I suppose, but it sure took the fun out of it. I don't like gift exchanges to begin with, for all the same reasons already mentioned upthread, but Good Lord...just to hand a $10 bill to a co-worker I don't like anyway...bleahh. No way. Opt me out.

[Chesleygirl]

The last place I worked had a gift exchange, but a lot of the staff members would specifically ask that instead of the giver buying them a gift, would they just please give them the money instead. OK, very practical I suppose, but it sure took the fun out of it. I don't like gift exchanges to begin with, for all the same reasons already mentioned upthread, but Good Lord...just to hand a $10 bill to a co-worker I don't like anyway...bleahh. No way. Opt me out.

Yikes, bad manners for those people to request cash.

Also that would be strange if everyone sat around trading $10 bills for the gift swap.

[BussoV6]

There was a white elephant at work the other day with a $10 gift.  I am new there so I thought this will be fun!  And thought it was a good way to meet some co-workers that I don't normally see.  It was funny, but when the exchange was over, I left thinking, "What am an going to do with the junk?" And a waste of $10.  =(  The junk is still sitting in my desk drawer at work.  Needless to say, I think I will opt out in the future!

Save it for next year's party...

[Spiffy]

Why, yes! I am opting out for the first time tomorrow at an office swap. It's funny, though. It was the two youngest ladies (mid 20s) here that organized it. The older people don't want to do it but are too cowardly to say they don't want to participate. I think I am the only one that is opting out. I am going to say that I have already spent my Christmas budget on my children which is true. The limit is $25, which I think is too much for an office Christmas gift. Maybe the younger ones want to do it because they don't have kids to buy for?

[Chesleygirl]

Why, yes! I am opting out for the first time tomorrow at an office swap. It's funny, though. It was the two youngest ladies (mid 20s) here that organized it. The older people don't want to do it but are too cowardly to say they don't want to participate. I think I am the only one that is opting out. I am going to say that I have already spent my Christmas budget on my children which is true. The limit is $25, which I think is too much for an office Christmas gift. Maybe the younger ones want to do it because they don't have kids to buy for?

My friends who don't have kids are always wanting to do gift swaps and have adult birthday parties. I can't get into that anymore. I stopped doing birthday lunches with my friends a long time ago.

[Spiffy]

Reporting back on the office gift swap last week. I am still glad that I opted out. Everyone went home with the gift that they brought! Some people picked their own gift the first go around and others traded afterwards to get the thing they brought. And it was stuff like a head lamp, wax melting smelly thing, travel mug set. Wow, what a futile exercise that was. And they were all saying how fun it was and are looking forward to next year. Idiots.

[gaja]

I belong to two different departments at work, and each have a gift swap. That makes it very easy to opt out of both without anyone noticing. For other types of events where you are obliged to participate in this type of things (lotteries at the kids' school, etc), we have a "gift box" at home where everything that is up for re-gifting goes, and where we pull prizes from. Sometimes we hit the suggested price range, sometimes we miss. I honestly don't care, and am happy to provide a precedence for those who can't afford to contribute fancy lottery prizes.

With family, grandparents are the only one we need to buy stuff for. My kids (9 and 11) claim they have everything they want. My siblings each have a couple of kids, but we have agreed upon very easy solutions: one of them have more time than cash, the other more cash than time. For the first one, I will transfer a lump sum that they can use for whatever they want (including bills), and they will send us some stuff their kids have made. For the other one, we first talked about sending the same amount of money back and forth, but agreed that would be stupid. So now we'll just skip the transfer entirely, buy something for our own kids, and say it is a gift from auntie.

[better late]

thanks to you all I opted out of the family gift exchange this year (where we each pick a name to buy a gift for) , as did my kids and hubs. It has been AWESOME to not have to oversee the gift buying and mailing -- and to not have to concern myself with which relation dropped the ball and didn't send my kid a gift after pulling their name. Every year at least one person in my family didn't get a gift and it started to make me mad. But we didn't even want the stuff lol.  So that's done and I'm thrilled.

[Just Joe]

I twisted my dirty Santa work party around into a win by my measure.

The request was a $10-$15 gift. I bought a tin of sweets at the grocery store. Surprisingly folks fought over it stealing it back and forth during the gift swap.

Our custodian was invited too late to buy a gift so I gave her my ticket and she "won" a pair of gloves so in the end, I walked away with nothing which is really what I wanted to do.

My family has enough stuff.

Everyone also passed the hat for the custodian so she was handed an envelope with some $300 in it. She really is a hard worker and friendly. We know how good we have it with her.

Between the money and the gloves she was crying happy tears. Did not anticipate any of it.

It made the party for me and for my coworkers. 

[Stachetastic]

I twisted my dirty Santa work party around into a win by my measure.

The request was a $10-$15 gift. I bought a tin of sweets at the grocery store. Surprisingly folks fought over it stealing it back and forth during the gift swap.

Our custodian was invited too late to buy a gift so I gave her my ticket and she "won" a pair of gloves so in the end, I walked away with nothing which is really what I wanted to do.

My family has enough stuff.

Everyone also passed the hat for the custodian so she was handed an envelope with some $300 in it. She really is a hard worker and friendly. We know how good we have it with her.

Between the money and the gloves she was crying happy tears. Did not anticipate any of it.

It made the party for me and for my coworkers.

Now THAT is worth the $10-15 cost of entry.

[Just Joe]

Footnote to the event:

When the hat went around to collect for a half-dozen staff and the custodian we have a lead coworker who kicked in almost nothing I was told.

This guy makes 5 times what some of the staff makes. None of this was mandatory understand so I'm not angry but it did leave me wondering why.

He can retire anytime, has made big money for decades - he has alot of money. No apparent hobbies. Why not enjoy life a little and get out of this place? Why not say thank you to the people he relies on?

He benefits from the efforts of the staff disproportionately and appreciates them the least it seems.

A few people were especially generous, most kicked in $10 a head b/c the staff assists everyone with tasks the top level people don't have time to do or can't do (special reporting software or other technical aspects of our group mission).

[Villanelle]

I do think it's messed up to participate and then not spend at least close to the specified amount.  If they specify $25 and you show up with a $12 gift, I think that makes you cheap and kind of an ass.  If you don't want to spend $25 (or at least $20), don't participate. 

Our local department store already had their holiday stuff at 50% off, but it's wasn't picked over yet.  And I had a scratcher as well (additional 5% off), so I stocked up on stuff for next year, both for exchanges and for the zillion other things I'm expected to bring gifts to due to my position.  They had nice notepads with Christmasy saying and with magnets on the back, and I got a bunch for about $2 each.  That will be perfect for one even at which i give gifts to about 15 people.  There were also sets with a potholder and two dishtowels, and I snagged several of those as well. 

[jpdx]

The best gifts to give in these situations is food or beverage. It's almost universally appreciated and you don't have to contribute to buying more plastic junk.