The Money Mustache Community

Other => Off Topic => Topic started by: With This Herring on August 07, 2016, 03:42:04 PM

Title: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 07, 2016, 03:42:04 PM
After some fun discussions on the Inheritance Drama thread, we could use a new thread!

These are stories where the Original Poster, telling things from his/her point of view about how the Antagonist(s) completely wronged OP, ends up convincing everyone reading that OP is actually the one in the wrong.

Please feel free to post examples from around the web or your own experience with friends/acquaintances telling stories, but be cautious if you decide to post examples from this forum.


From the Inheritance Drama thread:

This control-freak who looks to Ask A Manager (http://www.askamanager.org/2016/08/i-emailed-my-girlfriends-boss-to-complain-that-he-encroached-on-our-relationship.html) to justify his boundary-crossing choices (First posted here.  Thanks, Frankies Girl! (http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/antimustachian-wall-of-shame-and-comedy/inheritance-drama-you-got-any-stories-wanted/msg1179147/#msg1179147))

This dunce who blames security for touching him (https://www.reddit.com/r/Shoplifting/comments/3du5iq/got_caught_at_target_and_now_im_fucked/) after he systematically robs three Target stores of thousands of dollars in DVDs and BluRays, but he should totally get away with it because he's only 21 and young people are supposed to make mistakes! (First posted here by me. (http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/antimustachian-wall-of-shame-and-comedy/inheritance-drama-you-got-any-stories-wanted/msg1179674/#msg1179674))

And a recent follow up when dunce (https://www.reddit.com/r/Shoplifting/comments/4vgwrq/caught_at_marshalls_but_i_ran_from_lp_and_got_away/) gets away from Marshalls after stealing cologne. (First posted here.  Thanks, lemanfan! (http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/antimustachian-wall-of-shame-and-comedy/inheritance-drama-you-got-any-stories-wanted/msg1180358/#msg1180358))


And now I present to you...

Two Tales of a Wedding from Etiquette Hell and sister site Hell's Bells (http://weddinghellsbells.com/?p=5814)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on August 07, 2016, 08:02:32 PM
This thread is so much fun!

Here's another epic one from Ask A Manager:  http://www.askamanager.org/2016/06/i-was-fired-from-my-internship-for-writing-a-proposal-for-a-more-flexible-dress-code.html  In a follow-up post, one reader asked whether AMA had heard back from the intern after their letter went viral and how they felt in light of the feedback.  AMA said that the OP stood by their original stance.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 07, 2016, 10:10:18 PM
Oh, wow, that is a gem!  The moment OP mentioned the one person who wasn't wearing required footwear, I thought "Oh boy, that person probably just had some sort of foot surgery..."  I feel bad for the kid, but at the same time to jump into "Hey, everybody, let's sign a petition!" was pretty poor judgment.

While I'm glad the one intern who didn't sign got to stay on, that had to have been pretty awkward for the survivor.  I'll bet (s)he got a glowing recommendation, though.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on August 08, 2016, 01:13:21 AM
That wedding one is special. The fact that OP1 doesn't recognise the different between 'not my taste' and 'faux pas' does seem to speak to her MeMeMe psychology.

Fantastic idea for a thread!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on August 08, 2016, 04:19:14 AM
Great thread.

Posting to follow.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MonkeyJenga on August 08, 2016, 06:26:14 AM
The wedding one is the best. THE BEST.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: golden1 on August 08, 2016, 06:54:59 AM
If you like this sort of thing, you should frequent reddit's r/relationships.  It is my guilty pleasure.  Not all of the threads have that dynamic, but quite a few do. 

Here is a classic example:  https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4ufb0r/update_my_18_parents_keep_insisting_that_im_gay/ (https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4ufb0r/update_my_18_parents_keep_insisting_that_im_gay/)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: meerkat on August 08, 2016, 07:33:10 AM
The wedding one is the best. THE BEST.

Yes! If only the guest/girlfriend had left earlier, in spite of "those people" seeing her.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Basenji on August 08, 2016, 07:41:53 AM
Freaking following because awesome. I wish I would get I invited to a goth wedding, sounds fun!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: infogoon on August 08, 2016, 08:01:15 AM
Following. I love these stories.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on August 08, 2016, 09:39:18 AM
This thread is so much fun!

Here's another epic one from Ask A Manager:  http://www.askamanager.org/2016/06/i-was-fired-from-my-internship-for-writing-a-proposal-for-a-more-flexible-dress-code.html  In a follow-up post, one reader asked whether AMA had heard back from the intern after their letter went viral and how they felt in light of the feedback.  AMA said that the OP stood by their original stance.

THANK YOU. I was about to post that in the Inheritance Drama thread but thought it might have been too off-topic. (And then the whole thing went OT and we ended up here, which is perfect.)

I think the best part of the Special Shoe Lady part of the story is that it wasn't your average person-with-back/foot-problems. IT WAS A GODDAMN WOUNDED WAR VETERAN. And the writer was still all "I wish they had told us so we could have presented arguments against it."
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: PencilThinStash on August 08, 2016, 11:54:48 AM
These are amazing. Posting to follow.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on August 08, 2016, 12:27:31 PM
Here's one:

I had been staying with my aunt for one year while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life.  It wasn't the easiest start, but I eventually found a job that I liked and after that, things got a lot better.  The problem is that after 6 months of living there, my aunt decided to start charging me rent!  I took some time off from my job to visit friends for a few weeks, and she told me when I came back, I'd have to start paying $300/month.  It's not like I get a whole house to myself either -- I have one room with a queen size bed and a bathroom.  I also use the top floor of the house, which includes a big TV, couches, and an outdoor roof deck.  My aunt does go up there occasionally, so it's not like it's "my" space, even though she knocks first before coming up the stairs. 

I sort of feel like she's taking advantage of me because when I first got here, she made dinner for me every night and even put individual servings in microwavable dishes that we would both eat (she would take them to lunch if I hadn't already eaten them) and she doesn't do that very much anymore.  I've been paying for all of my own food for the past few months and packing my own lunches and making my own sandwiches for dinner.  About once a week she'll buy some bulk foods for me, but I don't really like to cook anything that takes more effort than opening a can or a bag, so while I eat the Clam Chowder soups, I don't have much interest in cooking rice and beans.   I also pay my own way for Metro to get to and from work.  It's not cheap!  and sometimes I go out drinking after work and I because Metro has already closed, I have to pay to take Uber to get home.  She just doesn't realize how much it costs to work!

So ever since she imposed this $300/month rent, I had to find a way to increase my hours, because the store originally only gave me about 20 hours of work each week.  So now I have to work 35-37 hours every week.  I don't mind though, because I get lots of great perks at work. 

She constantly (at least one time per week) tells me to wipe the counter down after I make toast.  And when I spilled my Starbucks all over her front door, I had to clean it two different times because she didn't think I wiped up all the coffee -- I honestly didn't notice that it got all over the walls and the door - (my bad!).  You can't really blame those ants on me. They probably would have come in whether I spilled the coffee or not. 

Anyway, I asked my aunt if she would let me out of paying the final month's rent because I was going back home, seeing some buddies, and I wanted to take them around and treat them to some cool things.  I can't believe it, but she said no!  What a cheapass - it's not like she needs the money, she's rich and has an awesome house all to herself.  She makes so much more money than I do, why wouldn't she just forgive the last month rent?  I asked why not, and she tried to deflect it by asking why I didn't just ask my dad for the cash once I move back home?  Clearly, that's not the same at all, but she didn't see it that way.  I mean seriously, I'm giving her my hard-earned cash and just asking for relief for just one month.  It's not like I want to waste the money either.  I want to treat my friends and pay for the things that we do together while they are visiting me in my parents' house. 

Signed, Bluehouse's nephew

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: pachnik on August 08, 2016, 12:39:51 PM
Dear Bluehouse,

I have no words other than thanks for posting.  Hopefully, hopefully, your nephew will learn one day.  The part about needing to increase hours from 20/week to 37 almost made my head fall off. 

Pachnik
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: bridget on August 08, 2016, 01:55:15 PM
I love these. I also recommend the archives of That Bad Advice (http://thatbadadvice.tumblr.com/). She doesn't post much anymore, but she used to take advice column letters from around the web and answer them the way the shitty OP wishes she would have ("of course you are justified in doing this awful thing/having this terrible opinion! You are the special snowflake!").
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 08, 2016, 02:24:47 PM
BlueHouse, I'm sorry your nephew is failing to learn a darn thing and grow up.  You are a more patient aunt than I would be.

I love these. I also recommend the archives of That Bad Advice (http://thatbadadvice.tumblr.com/). She doesn't post much anymore, but she used to take advice column letters from around the web and answer them the way the shitty OP wishes she would have ("of course you are justified in doing this awful thing/having this terrible opinion! You are the special snowflake!").

Oh my gosh, That Bad Advice is great, too!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Apples on August 08, 2016, 02:30:25 PM
Following.  I so wish I had something to link to share though.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on August 08, 2016, 02:37:17 PM
BlueHouse, I'm sorry your nephew is failing to learn a darn thing and grow up.  You are a more patient aunt than I would be.

He did.  He learned quite a lot, but not quite everything I had hoped for.  He spent twenty years never having to earn anything and never working hard for anything.  In reality, he's kind, sweet, and gentle.  And also as self-centered as you would expect from having grown up in the circumstances he did.  He learned a great deal and grew tremendously in the time he spent with me (some just from maturity, but some from my tough-love attitude I hope). 

I couldn't unwind 20 years of coddling in 1 year and realized that he had to keep being pushed to take on more responsibility.  He was stagnating after 10 months with me, so I cut it off at 1 year.  He doesn't learn by hearing about things -- he'll have to experience living on his own or in a group house with others his age.  And then he will learn.  He will grow.  And I hope he will be successful (for his definition, not anyone else's). But most of all, I hope he looks back fondly at our time together.  It was a great experience for me and made me open my mind to a lot of generational things.  And LOTS of great stories too! 

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on August 08, 2016, 02:56:43 PM
Following while snickering (but not at Bluehouse's nephew)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on August 08, 2016, 02:59:30 PM
BlueHouse, I'm sorry your nephew is failing to learn a darn thing and grow up.  You are a more patient aunt than I would be.

He did.  He learned quite a lot, but not quite everything I had hoped for.  He spent twenty years never having to earn anything and never working hard for anything.  In reality, he's kind, sweet, and gentle.  And also as self-centered as you would expect from having grown up in the circumstances he did.  He learned a great deal and grew tremendously in the time he spent with me (some just from maturity, but some from my tough-love attitude I hope). 

I couldn't unwind 20 years of coddling in 1 year and realized that he had to keep being pushed to take on more responsibility.  He was stagnating after 10 months with me, so I cut it off at 1 year.  He doesn't learn by hearing about things -- he'll have to experience living on his own or in a group house with others his age.  And then he will learn.  He will grow.  And I hope he will be successful (for his definition, not anyone else's). But most of all, I hope he looks back fondly at our time together.  It was a great experience for me and made me open my mind to a lot of generational things.  And LOTS of great stories too!

Yeah, my roommate was coddled all her life. The first year we lived together, she grew immensely, but ever since has stayed status quo. We're into year 3 now. I'll be moving next year, so she'll be forced to enter the real world unless she wants to move back home, and she's got enough of a spine now that she really doesn't want to do that!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on August 09, 2016, 01:59:19 AM
BlueHouse's post reminded me of an Ask Bossy column from a few years ago.

Excused the archived version of the page.

http://blogs.news.com.au/bossy/index.php/news/comments/my_landlord_is_a_relative_shouldnt_they_let_me_rent_reall_cheap/

The poorly-punctuated and bordering-on-gibberish highlights:

Quote
Iím renting from a relative. Why wonít they help me more?

Iím a girl in her very early 20ís, Iím currently working a low paying full time job (soon to quit) to start study full time.

I live with my boyfriend whom also earns very little, in a rental house which is owned by a very important family member of mine.

Every week is a struggle for us after we have paid rent, fuel, bills we rarely have enough money to get ourself food for the week. My boyfriend constantly helps out and we always share our money...

This house is completely/very close to being paid off so basically any money that is being paid (other than real estate feeís etc) is profit for this family member (may I mention, Very Greedy and money hungry)...

1: The I donít have and the lack of feeling and emotions they have for me and my situation and their Greed.Not caring how I cannot live because of the money they take from me...

I realise this rental is extra money for this person...

How am I ever going to move on in life and own my own home, if I have to pay all this money to them! I believe this person should be helping me take those steps to having my own home!!!!...

Moving out is really not an option at this moment in time due to lease and my working/study conditions. I also have 3 cats whom I love dearly and cannot see anyone letting me live in their rental with them.

Ripped Off Renter.

Bossy nails it in her reply.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on August 09, 2016, 04:44:49 AM
BlueHouse's post reminded me of an Ask Bossy column from a few years ago.

Excused the archived version of the page.

http://blogs.news.com.au/bossy/index.php/news/comments/my_landlord_is_a_relative_shouldnt_they_let_me_rent_reall_cheap/

The poorly-punctuated and bordering-on-gibberish highlights:

Quote
Iím renting from a relative. Why wonít they help me more?

Iím a girl in her very early 20ís, Iím currently working a low paying full time job (soon to quit) to start study full time.

I live with my boyfriend whom also earns very little, in a rental house which is owned by a very important family member of mine.

Every week is a struggle for us after we have paid rent, fuel, bills we rarely have enough money to get ourself food for the week. My boyfriend constantly helps out and we always share our money...

This house is completely/very close to being paid off so basically any money that is being paid (other than real estate feeís etc) is profit for this family member (may I mention, Very Greedy and money hungry)...

1: The I donít have and the lack of feeling and emotions they have for me and my situation and their Greed.Not caring how I cannot live because of the money they take from me...

I realise this rental is extra money for this person...

How am I ever going to move on in life and own my own home, if I have to pay all this money to them! I believe this person should be helping me take those steps to having my own home!!!!...

Moving out is really not an option at this moment in time due to lease and my working/study conditions. I also have 3 cats whom I love dearly and cannot see anyone letting me live in their rental with them.

Ripped Off Renter.

Bossy nails it in her reply.
OH yeah, great clip! 
Although very frustrating to deal with, I think many young people have that same mindset about other people's extra money. Unless you're raised understanding budgets and the need to save for the future, then it seems that would be the default thinking.
It is appalling when in the middle of it, but really, how else would they think if they never were taught?  I still feel horrible about getting a new hockey stick because I wanted to fit in wi he others rather than use one of the perfectly fine ones that the school loaned out each year. That was 35 years ago!  I knew we couldn't afford much, but for some reason, I thought that stupid stick was worth more than whatever else it was meant to cover. That would have been a great opportunity to learn more about budgets, but my mom just wanted to be able to say yes to something that I wanted and I didn't ask very often.

My nephew never seemed to understand what saving was for other than for the next pair of sunglasses or a new car until I explained that I expected to have to pay someone to wipe my ass when I'm 90, and I'm saving money now while I'm working so at I will have it later when I need it. I told him the alternative was that he could wipe my ass for free because he is family. I think he understands a little better but I always had to put that mental image in his mind whenever he started to feel entitled again.

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 09, 2016, 07:23:33 AM
*snip*

My nephew never seemed to understand what saving was for other than for the next pair of sunglasses or a new car until I explained that I expected to have to pay someone to wipe my ass when I'm 90, and I'm saving money now while I'm working so at I will have it later when I need it. I told him the alternative was that he could wipe my ass for free because he is family. I think he understands a little better but I always had to put that mental image in his mind whenever he started to feel entitled again.

That is a good explanation.  I've sometimes thought that the only way to get the moochers to stop complaining as much would be to talk to another landlord and trade mooching relatives.  "I'll rent to your nephew if you rent to my niece, and then neither of them will be able to complain that they should be able to pay us pennies because we're family."
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: patchyfacialhair on August 09, 2016, 08:13:10 AM
I don't have any specific stories, so commenting to follow.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: radram on August 09, 2016, 08:55:13 AM
Here's one:

I had been staying with my aunt for one year while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life.  It wasn't the easiest start, but I eventually found a job that I liked and after that, things got a lot better.  The problem is that after 6 months of living there, my aunt decided to start charging me rent!  I took some time off from my job to visit friends for a few weeks, and she told me when I came back, I'd have to start paying $300/month.  It's not like I get a whole house to myself either -- I have one room with a queen size bed and a bathroom.  I also use the top floor of the house, which includes a big TV, couches, and an outdoor roof deck.  My aunt does go up there occasionally, so it's not like it's "my" space, even though she knocks first before coming up the stairs. 

I sort of feel like she's taking advantage of me because when I first got here, she made dinner for me every night and even put individual servings in microwavable dishes that we would both eat (she would take them to lunch if I hadn't already eaten them) and she doesn't do that very much anymore.  I've been paying for all of my own food for the past few months and packing my own lunches and making my own sandwiches for dinner.  About once a week she'll buy some bulk foods for me, but I don't really like to cook anything that takes more effort than opening a can or a bag, so while I eat the Clam Chowder soups, I don't have much interest in cooking rice and beans.   I also pay my own way for Metro to get to and from work.  It's not cheap!  and sometimes I go out drinking after work and I because Metro has already closed, I have to pay to take Uber to get home.  She just doesn't realize how much it costs to work!

So ever since she imposed this $300/month rent, I had to find a way to increase my hours, because the store originally only gave me about 20 hours of work each week.  So now I have to work 35-37 hours every week.  I don't mind though, because I get lots of great perks at work. 

She constantly (at least one time per week) tells me to wipe the counter down after I make toast.  And when I spilled my Starbucks all over her front door, I had to clean it two different times because she didn't think I wiped up all the coffee -- I honestly didn't notice that it got all over the walls and the door - (my bad!).  You can't really blame those ants on me. They probably would have come in whether I spilled the coffee or not. 

Anyway, I asked my aunt if she would let me out of paying the final month's rent because I was going back home, seeing some buddies, and I wanted to take them around and treat them to some cool things.  I can't believe it, but she said no!  What a cheapass - it's not like she needs the money, she's rich and has an awesome house all to herself.  She makes so much more money than I do, why wouldn't she just forgive the last month rent?  I asked why not, and she tried to deflect it by asking why I didn't just ask my dad for the cash once I move back home?  Clearly, that's not the same at all, but she didn't see it that way.  I mean seriously, I'm giving her my hard-earned cash and just asking for relief for just one month.  It's not like I want to waste the money either.  I want to treat my friends and pay for the things that we do together while they are visiting me in my parents' house. 

Signed, Bluehouse's nephew

The nephew didn't actually write this, correct? 

Great(sad) story either way.

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on August 09, 2016, 09:18:02 AM
Got one from a slightly different context.

Original letter to Dan Savage, which I thought smelled fishy:
http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2016/07/27/24402514/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-non-disclosure-agreement

Follow-up today with the background details. And WOW.
http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2016/08/08/24442158/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-the-rest-of-the-story

Fair warning, these aren't going to be published in the Washington Post anytime soon. The advice columnist is Dan Savage, the guy who created Rick Santorum's google problem.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on August 09, 2016, 09:19:37 AM

The nephew didn't actually write this, correct? 

Great(sad) story either way.

No, that's my interpretation of what he was thinking.  He did make most of those comments (usually to his father, who told me) at one point or another, but my point in penning that letter was to try to imagine the other person's perspective.  I mean, he really did think that I was "taking" the majority of his money and at one point when I dug deeper, I had to point out that he got paid TWICE per month and I only charge rent ONCE per month.  So in "taking" almost half, it was really less than a quarter of his pay. 

Now please take into account that my nephew has some real learning disabilities (particularly with math), so it was a challenge for me to find the right balance of teaching him something that he would retain without turning him off to the lesson he was learning.  But make no mistake, this is someone who can live independently and isn't mentally disabled.

I should also admit that only after I had had my nephew for a few months did I go back to my sister (not nephew's mother) and thank her profusely for the time I stayed with her when I was moving to the area.  I thought everything was going swimmingly well until I noticed that her husband was a little too enthusiastic about helping me look for apartments.   So 10 years after that was when I realized that even if I'm the perfect guest, I'm still in someone else's house and it's a burden no matter what.    :) 


Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 09, 2016, 10:58:24 AM
Merula, that second letter was just so sad.  That poor woman.

BlueHouse, have you gotten nephew on YNAB?  It sounds like he would be the ideal candidate, as it would help him with picturing where his money needs to go and getting past that math issue.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: thd7t on August 09, 2016, 11:19:56 AM
Following and laughing
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: wrangler05 on August 09, 2016, 12:23:43 PM
posting to follow
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on August 09, 2016, 12:33:08 PM
That Ask a Manager link is quite a rabbit hole when you start clicking the related articles!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: electriceagle on August 09, 2016, 09:45:59 PM

And now I present to you...

Two Tales of a Wedding from Etiquette Hell and sister site Hell's Bells (http://weddinghellsbells.com/?p=5814)

Honestly, this sounds like a good outcome. The two people who were dating found out that they weren't right for each other early, before becoming too deeply entangled. Everyone else has a story to tell.

Whats not to like?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on August 10, 2016, 10:24:06 AM
Oh, I am so bummed that I have an appointment this morning! I'll be back later...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Frankies Girl on August 10, 2016, 10:47:10 AM
Oh man... I have so many great stories of a family member that is so dug into fantasy land, that she probably thinks she poops rainbows. And yet I can't really discuss it out on the interwebz because of unresolved stuff and it would really make things much harder on me if discovered.

Sigh. All that beautiful crazy rainbow poop just piled up there, waiting.

Maybe someday soon?

In any case, posting to follow. :)

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 10, 2016, 11:58:39 AM

And now I present to you...

Two Tales of a Wedding from Etiquette Hell and sister site Hell's Bells (http://weddinghellsbells.com/?p=5814)

Honestly, this sounds like a good outcome. The two people who were dating found out that they weren't right for each other early, before becoming too deeply entangled. Everyone else has a story to tell.

Whats not to like?

It's not great that it had to happen during someone's wedding, but I agree that it's better they both found out early on!

Oh man... I have so many great stories of a family member that is so dug into fantasy land, that she probably thinks she poops rainbows. And yet I can't really discuss it out on the interwebz because of unresolved stuff and it would really make things much harder on me if discovered.

Sigh. All that beautiful crazy rainbow poop just piled up there, waiting.

Maybe someday soon?

In any case, posting to follow. :)

Well, we can always wait and hope!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Nederstash on August 10, 2016, 02:35:14 PM
Oh man... I have so many great stories of a family member that is so dug into fantasy land, that she probably thinks she poops rainbows. And yet I can't really discuss it out on the interwebz because of unresolved stuff and it would really make things much harder on me if discovered.

Sigh. All that beautiful crazy rainbow poop just piled up there, waiting.

Maybe someday soon?

In any case, posting to follow. :)

I eagerly await your multicolored feces.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on August 10, 2016, 04:09:08 PM
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person (http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person)

Great thread!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on August 10, 2016, 04:13:56 PM
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person (http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person)

Great thread!

Ooh, ouch. Good one!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on August 10, 2016, 06:35:50 PM

BlueHouse, have you gotten nephew on YNAB?  It sounds like he would be the ideal candidate, as it would help him with picturing where his money needs to go and getting past that math issue.
No. He just wasn't receptive to learning in his last few months here, and I didn't want his last month's to be something he remembered as awful. So now I understand a little Better why parents have a hard time saying no.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: trailrated on August 11, 2016, 09:59:07 AM
This is the greatest thread ever!! I have to admit I had a post on MMM quite a while ago around when I first started about saying some smart ass thing to a co-worker. The Mustachians jumped on me for acting like a douche and I realized I was being the problem. I am too lazy to look back to find it now, but being called out has its benefits from time to time. :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MissNancyPryor on August 11, 2016, 03:45:01 PM
Totally following this!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on August 11, 2016, 04:15:57 PM
Here's one from Dear Prudence today. There are multiple letters in the column - so I've excerpted the clueless OP:
Dear Prudence,
A year-and-a-half ago, my only living son killed himself. His estranged wife had called me to say he was threatening to hurt himself and that I should check on him. I found the body. My only source of light since then is my little grandson. My relationship with his mother is difficult at best: She was the one who wanted the divorce and didnít want to try and save my son. Now she is getting married again. This stranger will be the one who raises my grandson, gets called Daddy, and might even adopt him. There is nothing I can do legally, and I choke back my words every time I see her when she picks up my grandson from me. Can you think of anything to say that will convince her to stop this?

óLost Son and Now Grandson

Iím so sorry for everyone involved in this situation, and Iím so sorry that you lost your son. I cannot imagine that kind of pain, and I hope you are in grief counseling to deal with the infinitely complicated and painful fallout from the death of your child. I also hope that you can work out these fears in counseling, because you should not try to stop your former daughter-in-law from remarrying, and she does not deserve to be made to feel guilty for moving on. You say she didnít ďtry and save my son,Ē but you cannot put the burden of his death on her. His suicide cannot be, could never be, her responsibility. The fact that your grandson may grow up with a father who loves him is not a tragedy, but a good thing, and this man is not ďa strangerĒóhe is a stranger to you, but not to the mother of your grandson, and not to her little boy. Please try to find a way to express your pain and sense of loss that does not come at the expense of the woman raising your grandson. Focus on the time you do spend with him, and not on his mother when she comes to pick him up. Read to him, tell him you love him, play with him, take him to the parkólet him look forward to the time you spend together, and donít tarnish it for him by focusing on your resentment of his mother. You will all be better for it, and it will vastly improve your relationship with your grandson and his parents for the rest of your lives.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Astatine on August 11, 2016, 09:49:49 PM
Posting to follow.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: madgeylou on August 11, 2016, 10:23:11 PM
This one's a real head-scratcher, too. How can the manager not see what an asshole they are being?

http://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/my-best-employee-quit-on-the-spot-because-i-wouldnt-let-her-go-to-her-college-graduation.html
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MissNancyPryor on August 12, 2016, 09:29:44 AM
I am cheering for the graduate, classic epic FU.  Here is hoping she builds the stache to go with the FU and has a very bright future.  That manager is a total dick and freaking clueless. 

Of course they want to double down and contact the employee to explain why they were right to deny the time off and why the graduate was wrong because, well, dick. 

How do people like that get to be in charge of anything?  That could be a whole other thread.   
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on August 12, 2016, 10:03:11 AM
This one's a real head-scratcher, too. How can the manager not see what an asshole they are being?

http://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/my-best-employee-quit-on-the-spot-because-i-wouldnt-let-her-go-to-her-college-graduation.html
Read this on out loud to the bf, we are both shaking our heads with "wtf...?"

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: infogoon on August 12, 2016, 11:39:24 AM
Either half of the stuff submitted to "ask a manager" is fabricated trolling, or my already low opinion of humanity will need to be adjusted even farther downward.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Meowmalade on August 12, 2016, 11:48:34 AM
Following  :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on August 12, 2016, 12:07:33 PM
Either half of the stuff submitted to "ask a manager" is fabricated trolling, or my already low opinion of humanity will need to be adjusted even farther downward.

Nah, the vast majority of stuff to Ask A Manager is about totally relatable workplace scenarios.  I love reading it mostly because Alison Green gives such excellent advice on the topics and the comments are usually really good, too.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 12, 2016, 01:43:20 PM
"But, ya know, the other person paid money for concert tickets." (Paraphrased heavily.)

And college is free?  Even if she had scholarships covering the entire amount, she still put thousands of hours of work toward that degree WHILE being your best employee for SIX YEARS and covering for everyone else.  Wow.  She didn't even ask for the entire day!  Just two hours!  I didn't want to attend college graduation, but I can certainly see why someone else would!

Also, I want to know what tech support center has such employee longevity that six years had her at the bottom of the seniority list.  I thought those places tended to have a higher turnover.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: thd7t on August 12, 2016, 02:21:55 PM
"But, ya know, the other person paid money for concert tickets." (Paraphrased heavily.)

And college is free?  Even if she had scholarships covering the entire amount, she still put thousands of hours of work toward that degree WHILE being your best employee for SIX YEARS and covering for everyone else.  Wow.  She didn't even ask for the entire day!  Just two hours!  I didn't want to attend college graduation, but I can certainly see why someone else would!

Also, I want to know what tech support center has such employee longevity that six years had her at the bottom of the seniority list.  I thought those places tended to have a higher turnover.
This seems like the manager has a pattern of treating employees badly. The employee was ready with examples of hypocrisy.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on August 15, 2016, 09:49:23 AM
Also, I want to know what tech support center has such employee longevity that six years had her at the bottom of the seniority list.  I thought those places tended to have a higher turnover.

She probably got passed over for promotions due to her lack of college degree.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Zikoris on August 15, 2016, 03:55:23 PM
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person (http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person)

Great thread!

I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: snacky on August 15, 2016, 11:08:27 PM
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: HappierAtHome on August 15, 2016, 11:13:44 PM
I love this thread.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: RetiredAt63 on August 16, 2016, 05:51:00 AM
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.

Many many flowers.  She hoped he would be better but made sure she was OK if he wasn't.

I won't use words here to describe the OP, they would be very bad.  The commenters on that thread have already used the semi-polite ones.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Primm on August 16, 2016, 06:01:52 AM
I love this thread.

+1
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: thd7t on August 16, 2016, 06:29:48 AM
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.
I want to send her a medal.
Real title for the Reddit: "My ex elaborately made herself safe."
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MandyM on August 16, 2016, 06:35:34 AM
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person (http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person)

Great thread!

I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

But the response wasn't "Go invite your sister." It was more like: Fine you don't get along, but you don't have to be a jerk about it.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Zikoris on August 16, 2016, 08:45:09 AM
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person (http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person)

Great thread!

I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

But the response wasn't "Go invite your sister." It was more like: Fine you don't get along, but you don't have to be a jerk about it.

Well, the response and following comments were definitely "You're a horrible person", when I think that the reality is, this type of situation (lives have gone in different directions, and people now have different interests and lifestyles) is probably THE most common reason for friendships ending. It would have been nice to see some actual advice relating to the question, which was how to go about suggesting to the odd one out that the group isn't the best fit for them and they should try to find friends/groups with similar interests and lifestyles.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MandyM on August 16, 2016, 09:22:58 AM
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person (http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person)

Great thread!

I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

But the response wasn't "Go invite your sister." It was more like: Fine you don't get along, but you don't have to be a jerk about it.

Well, the response and following comments were definitely "You're a horrible person", when I think that the reality is, this type of situation (lives have gone in different directions, and people now have different interests and lifestyles) is probably THE most common reason for friendships ending. It would have been nice to see some actual advice relating to the question, which was how to go about suggesting to the odd one out that the group isn't the best fit for them and they should try to find friends/groups with similar interests and lifestyles.

The woman that wrote in had already told her sister that she didn't fit in and the sister now hardly speaks to her...so mission accomplished. Other than asking for justification in how she handled the situation, I can't fathom why she thinks she needs more information on how best to exclude her sister. I mean, when her sister (sister, not friend) was understandably upset about the situation, the husband threatened to call the cops. If I were to show up at a family member's home in tears, I would hope that they would have the decency to not kick me out with such contempt.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: bridget on August 16, 2016, 09:56:58 AM
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.
I want to send her a medal.
Real title for the Reddit: "My ex elaborately made herself safe."

I logged on this morning JUST to post this link to this thread. I can't even with this guy. It seems like no matter how she broke up with him, he would have felt like the victim. 45 days notice to get a new apartment is an EXTREMELY accommodating way to break up with somebody even if it's amicable. Does he think he was supposed to let him know she was leaving him and then just let him take his own sweet time moving out? Since he can't afford an apartment by himself, is she just obligated to stay with him/pay his rent forever so he doesn't have to get a damn roommate? She'd probably "provoke" him into hitting her again since she's being so unreasonably "jumpy" and "paranoid" around a dude that physically assaulted her and now scares her enough that she feels the need to call the police. /sarcasm
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Wilson Hall on August 16, 2016, 11:23:07 AM



My nephew never seemed to understand what saving was for other than for the next pair of sunglasses or a new car until I explained that I expected to have to pay someone to wipe my ass when I'm 90, and I'm saving money now while I'm working so at I will have it later when I need it. I told him the alternative was that he could wipe my ass for free because he is family. I think he understands a little better but I always had to put that mental image in his mind whenever he started to feel entitled again.

Well-put, BlueHouse.

I suspect that the majority of my peers have nowhere near the amount of retirement income I've saved up, and on a relatively modest salary to boot. Odds are it's just going to be me (no kids, no siblings, spouse is also an only child) to support myself/us in old age. I'm going to think of your post the next time one of my spendthrift friends hints that I should pick up the bar tab or spring for an extravagant gift.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 16, 2016, 01:57:02 PM
Wow, good job on the part of careful ex-girlfriend!  She gave him far better than he deserved.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: rosaz on August 16, 2016, 02:23:46 PM
I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

If this about friends, I'd agree, but family's different. You don't invite most of the family and then pointedly exclude one person (at least if that person is just a little different as opposed to actually unkind or something). No, there's no obligation to maintain a relationship, but deliberately excluding her from the group is different.

Though why the sister would want to go on vacation with someone who says stuff like: "She also complains about her ex-husband who left her for another woman, but everyone knows it takes ďtwo to tangoĒ and she is not without fault" is beyond me. And then she talks about how they're all "churchgoers". You can't make this stuff up.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on August 16, 2016, 03:41:56 PM
I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

If this about friends, I'd agree, but family's different. You don't invite most of the family and then pointedly exclude one person (at least if that person is just a little different as opposed to actually unkind or something). No, there's no obligation to maintain a relationship, but deliberately excluding her from the group is different.

Though why the sister would want to go on vacation with someone who says stuff like: "She also complains about her ex-husband who left her for another woman, but everyone knows it takes ďtwo to tangoĒ and she is not without fault" is beyond me. And then she talks about how they're all "churchgoers". You can't make this stuff up.

I came to say this but rosaz already said it for me!

Certainly, there is also a threshold for pushing family out of your life, but I would argue it's very different than for friends. And while it's possible Wendy is a b*tch and that's why no one wants to hang out with her, it just didn't read that way to me. The OP sounded really snooty and judgemental in how she was approaching her sister.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Making Cookies on August 17, 2016, 10:53:22 AM
The whole thing sounded like they weren't communicating at ALL. Why not get together, break out some wine and TALK about all the rough edges in their relationship so they could reset the clock and build a friendship.

The whole thing just sounded like silent judgement and contempt which I was always taught was not very Christian - though in reality it was very common in Christians I've met over the years.

I've witnessed the silent treatment before and it SUCKS. There is clearly a problem and you have no idea what it is or how to deal with it. The situation I witnessed was by Christians (x3) on someone else. Terrible way to treat "friends".

Got an unhappy family member that you can't spend much time with? Talk it out. Make it clear that the whole cheating husband sucks but it's history and time to move on if a healthy relationship is desired. 

And I say this as a person with plenty of imperfections in his own life.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on August 18, 2016, 06:41:27 AM
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Nederstash on August 18, 2016, 07:03:17 AM
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 18, 2016, 07:34:59 AM
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: driftwood on August 18, 2016, 07:58:50 AM
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.

I read the thread and it seems like this girl made a super smart exit and even gave her ex generous time to clear out.  What I don't understand is the lawyer telling the guy he could be liable for damage.  If he's not on the lease, and there's no sub-lease paperwork, then how could he be held liable in any way?  The landlord didn't even know he existed, so wouldn't all damages be on the girlfriend?  As a 'guest' of the renter (gf), is there really any requirement for him to go through a walkthrough before he leaves?

It seems like his smart move would be to vacate ASAP, leave the keys in the apt, and call the lawyer to let him know that he's gone and where the keys are.  He doesn't need to leave a forwarding address with the lawyer, and he could even block the lawyer's number.  Legally he's just a dude that was staying for free in someone's house with their permission.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Beaker on August 18, 2016, 08:33:15 AM
What I don't understand is the lawyer telling the guy he could be liable for damage.  If he's not on the lease, and there's no sub-lease paperwork, then how could he be held liable in any way?

I would guess that since he was paying rent to her, that created an implicit sublease. State rental laws can be weird like that, especially when there isn't an explicit contract.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on August 18, 2016, 08:53:35 AM
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.

I stopped reading Prudie when Margo Howard left, but from what was posted there's a very real possibility that this is above-board for both of them, either through a polygamous relationship or ethical non-monogamy through some sort of spousal agreement.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 18, 2016, 09:01:02 AM
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.

I stopped reading Prudie when Margo Howard left, but from what was posted there's a very real possibility that this is above-board for both of them, either through a polygamous relationship or ethical non-monogamy through some sort of spousal agreement.

I would agree...except that they are talking about getting divorced from their respective spouses to be together.  It has seemed in the past that those who are in open or poly relationships tend to specify that when writing these letters.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on August 18, 2016, 09:15:58 AM
I stopped reading Prudie when Margo Howard left, but from what was posted there's a very real possibility that this is above-board for both of them, either through a polygamous relationship or ethical non-monogamy through some sort of spousal agreement.

I would agree...except that they are talking about getting divorced from their respective spouses to be together.  It has seemed in the past that those who are in open or poly relationships tend to specify that when writing these letters.

He's talking about it, at least. Could be something as simple as starting with "Bruno, I want to date you under the terms of my monogamish marriage, but you need to understand that Atticus will always be my first priority." "That's fine, Celia, it's the same with me and Darlene." and evolving into "Celia, you're so much more mustachian than Darlene, I want to be with you, will you leave Atticus?"
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: TexasRunner on August 18, 2016, 09:36:19 AM
Posting to follow!!!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on August 18, 2016, 10:14:03 AM
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.

I read the thread and it seems like this girl made a super smart exit and even gave her ex generous time to clear out.  What I don't understand is the lawyer telling the guy he could be liable for damage.  If he's not on the lease, and there's no sub-lease paperwork, then how could he be held liable in any way?  The landlord didn't even know he existed, so wouldn't all damages be on the girlfriend?  As a 'guest' of the renter (gf), is there really any requirement for him to go through a walkthrough before he leaves?

It seems like his smart move would be to vacate ASAP, leave the keys in the apt, and call the lawyer to let him know that he's gone and where the keys are.  He doesn't need to leave a forwarding address with the lawyer, and he could even block the lawyer's number.  Legally he's just a dude that was staying for free in someone's house with their permission.

I would tend to think that anything a lawyer says in that situation is probably legal/correct. If he misrepresents the boyfriend's liability, then the lawyer is risking legal trouble himself.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: bridget on August 18, 2016, 11:19:31 AM
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.

I read the thread and it seems like this girl made a super smart exit and even gave her ex generous time to clear out.  What I don't understand is the lawyer telling the guy he could be liable for damage.  If he's not on the lease, and there's no sub-lease paperwork, then how could he be held liable in any way?  The landlord didn't even know he existed, so wouldn't all damages be on the girlfriend?  As a 'guest' of the renter (gf), is there really any requirement for him to go through a walkthrough before he leaves?

It seems like his smart move would be to vacate ASAP, leave the keys in the apt, and call the lawyer to let him know that he's gone and where the keys are.  He doesn't need to leave a forwarding address with the lawyer, and he could even block the lawyer's number.  Legally he's just a dude that was staying for free in someone's house with their permission.

I would tend to think that anything a lawyer says in that situation is probably legal/correct. If he misrepresents the boyfriend's liability, then the lawyer is risking legal trouble himself.

You don't need to be a formal leaseholder to be liable for damaging somebody else's property (although I agree that an implied sublease can be created without signing anything in most states). If a guest or airbnb tenant or whoever trashed your apartment, you could take that person to small claims court for what it costs to fix it. The benefit with a lease is that you have an agreement in writing about what that means, and a deposit you can keep instead of bothering to go to court. It's pretty simple advice to say "if you trash an apartment, you might have to pay for it."

And, lawyers commenting on the internet can pretty easily disclaim liability, and r/legaladvice has a permanent disclaimer in the sidebar. Speaking of which, IamalawyerbutnotYOURlawyerthisdoesnotconstitutelegaladvicegetrepresentationbeforeyoutakeaction.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on August 18, 2016, 12:06:00 PM
And, lawyers commenting on the internet can pretty easily disclaim liability, and r/legaladvice has a permanent disclaimer in the sidebar. Speaking of which, IamalawyerbutnotYOURlawyerthisdoesnotconstitutelegaladvicegetrepresentationbeforeyoutakeaction.

I meant the lawyer representing the girlfriend in the matter. Pretty sure he can't disclaim liability in his communications with the boyfriend.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Primm on August 18, 2016, 10:33:53 PM
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.

This actually happen to two acquaintances of mine. Small town high-school sweetheart couples x 2. Husband 1 was screwing wife 2, wife 1 and husband 2 found out, left their respective then-spouses, got together for tea and sympathy and the rest is history. 22 years later they're still the cutest couple in the world.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: nnls on August 18, 2016, 11:16:43 PM
posting to follow.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Making Cookies on August 19, 2016, 10:53:59 AM
Legally he's just a dude that was staying for free in someone's house with their permission.

He was a house guest legally and better get gone while the getting is good.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: whitewaterchica on August 19, 2016, 02:13:35 PM
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.

This actually happen to two acquaintances of mine. Small town high-school sweetheart couples x 2. Husband 1 was screwing wife 2, wife 1 and husband 2 found out, left their respective then-spouses, got together for tea and sympathy and the rest is history. 22 years later they're still the cutest couple in the world.

Love! I immediately thought of Shania Twain as well.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 19, 2016, 04:57:35 PM
Another EHell story!

That Horrid Moment When You Realize A Tree Is Vastly More Interesting (http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=4901)

A few commenters are on OP's side, but they are outweighed by those who disagree with OP.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: TexasRunner on August 19, 2016, 05:20:51 PM
Another EHell story!

That Horrid Moment When You Realize A Tree Is Vastly More Interesting (http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=4901)

A few commenters are on OP's side, but they are outweighed by those who disagree with OP.

Meh, I could agree with the OP's point if we were talking 30 minutes+.  If they only went over there and chatted for five minutes after checking everything, then ya OP needs to be patient.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Shalamar on August 20, 2016, 06:24:14 PM
This is fun, because the tree story is mine.   :D  And when I re-read it, I thought "Mannnn, I sound like such a whiney bitch!"   
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: FIREby35 on August 20, 2016, 07:41:06 PM
Here's one:

I had been staying with my aunt for one year while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life.  It wasn't the easiest start, but I eventually found a job that I liked and after that, things got a lot better.  The problem is that after 6 months of living there, my aunt decided to start charging me rent!  I took some time off from my job to visit friends for a few weeks, and she told me when I came back, I'd have to start paying $300/month.  It's not like I get a whole house to myself either -- I have one room with a queen size bed and a bathroom.  I also use the top floor of the house, which includes a big TV, couches, and an outdoor roof deck.  My aunt does go up there occasionally, so it's not like it's "my" space, even though she knocks first before coming up the stairs. 

I sort of feel like she's taking advantage of me because when I first got here, she made dinner for me every night and even put individual servings in microwavable dishes that we would both eat (she would take them to lunch if I hadn't already eaten them) and she doesn't do that very much anymore.  I've been paying for all of my own food for the past few months and packing my own lunches and making my own sandwiches for dinner.  About once a week she'll buy some bulk foods for me, but I don't really like to cook anything that takes more effort than opening a can or a bag, so while I eat the Clam Chowder soups, I don't have much interest in cooking rice and beans.   I also pay my own way for Metro to get to and from work.  It's not cheap!  and sometimes I go out drinking after work and I because Metro has already closed, I have to pay to take Uber to get home.  She just doesn't realize how much it costs to work!

So ever since she imposed this $300/month rent, I had to find a way to increase my hours, because the store originally only gave me about 20 hours of work each week.  So now I have to work 35-37 hours every week.  I don't mind though, because I get lots of great perks at work. 

She constantly (at least one time per week) tells me to wipe the counter down after I make toast.  And when I spilled my Starbucks all over her front door, I had to clean it two different times because she didn't think I wiped up all the coffee -- I honestly didn't notice that it got all over the walls and the door - (my bad!).  You can't really blame those ants on me. They probably would have come in whether I spilled the coffee or not. 

Anyway, I asked my aunt if she would let me out of paying the final month's rent because I was going back home, seeing some buddies, and I wanted to take them around and treat them to some cool things.  I can't believe it, but she said no!  What a cheapass - it's not like she needs the money, she's rich and has an awesome house all to herself.  She makes so much more money than I do, why wouldn't she just forgive the last month rent?  I asked why not, and she tried to deflect it by asking why I didn't just ask my dad for the cash once I move back home?  Clearly, that's not the same at all, but she didn't see it that way.  I mean seriously, I'm giving her my hard-earned cash and just asking for relief for just one month.  It's not like I want to waste the money either.  I want to treat my friends and pay for the things that we do together while they are visiting me in my parents' house. 

Signed, Bluehouse's nephew

I had a legitimately awesome belly laugh after reading that. Wow. I bet your glad to be be rid of nephew.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: HappierAtHome on August 20, 2016, 07:49:29 PM
This is fun, because the tree story is mine.   :D  And when I re-read it, I thought "Mannnn, I sound like such a whiney bitch!"

No way! Does that mean you changed your mind on thinking this behaviour was rude?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on August 20, 2016, 08:23:09 PM
I had a legitimately awesome belly laugh after reading that. Wow. I bet your glad to be be rid of nephew.
LOL!  I am glad to have my space back to myself, but it was a really good experience for me too.  I don't have kids, so it was eye-opening to me the way I changed my tune when it was "my kid" doing something that I don't like.  (Basically, I'll never tell kids to get off my lawn again!) 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 21, 2016, 12:09:47 AM
This is fun, because the tree story is mine.   :D  And when I re-read it, I thought "Mannnn, I sound like such a whiney bitch!"

Now you are practically internet-famous!  ^-^
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on August 21, 2016, 12:35:20 AM
Re the tree.

This is pretty much the example that I was given when I did MBTI about the difference between Thinking- and Feeling-preference people.

Thinking people look to see what can I practically do to fix the problem, Feeling people want to spend time with the 'victims' to make sure that they have someone to talk to.

So for Tammy and Dan, this was an emergency for the neighbours because their tree had fallen over and could have hit their car and they felt like they should be offering tea and sympathy. For the OP, the focus is more 'is there anything practical I can do to fix this?'.

I'm guessing that the OP would have had no problem if one of the neighbours had a heart attack and T+D ran out to do CPR, even if the evening went to shit afterwards. To T+D this probably felt like the same thing.

Both Tammy and the OP are acting in alignment with their values but it looks wrong to each other.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Shalamar on August 21, 2016, 09:49:41 AM
That's interesting, Playing With Fire, and I think you're right.

Quote
No way! Does that mean you changed your mind on thinking this behaviour was rude?

Yeah!   When I submitted that story a few months ago, I was in a bad mood and felt like reliving old grudges.    Now, when I re-read it, I'm all "Jesus, lighten the fuck up.   Tammy and Dan were just being good neighbours."
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Apples on August 24, 2016, 10:16:30 AM
I can't figure out how to link to just the story instead of the home page of the website, but here's one I read in the paper today:

Quote
Dear Annie: I am a 31-year-young man with a question about a woman who is 28. This story started in August of last year with my asking this woman on a date. We work together but were in different departments at the time. She said she doesn't date the people she works with. I didn't buy it, so I kept flirting with her. And she'd flirt back.

This went on until December of that year, when we saw each other in a neighborhood bar. She came up to my friend and me and pulled on the hood of my sweatshirt. Then she started to walk away, but my friend stopped her by standing in front of her. I talked to her like normal. Then I kissed her on the cheek. Then my friend left, and we hugged. I rubbed her back, and she rubbed mine. I kissed her hand. Then she turned away, and I playfully smacked her on the butt. We left at the same time but went our separate ways. The next day, we saw each other at work, and she came over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

After that, it all went downhill. I saw her sitting on another guy's lap at work. (He works in a different department than we do.) I took it personal. Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap. I felt as if she'd lied to me. I think that maybe she'd forgotten I asked her out, but I have told her I want her to be my girlfriend on several occasions. So I think she knows how I feel about her. After all this, I'm not sure what to think. Any help would be appreciated. ó Pining

Dear Pining: Dating co-workers is great ó if your goal is to save time by simultaneously ruining your personal life and your career. I would like to know why you didn't buy it when this woman told you she doesn't date co-workers, because you should have bought it, thrown away the receipt and gotten the message in your head, even if she later sent mixed signals.

Save yourself a lot of strife and look for love outside the workplace. Yes, we all know happily married couples who met across the watercooler. In the right circumstances with mature individuals (and maybe a consultation with HR), it can be done. But this sounds like an astonishingly immature group. Case in point: Unless it's Bring Your Child to Work Day, no one should be sitting on anyone's lap at the office.

My favorite is "Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap".  I mean really, how. dare. she.  Especially since they're not dating at all even though he's told her he wants her to be his girlfriend several times.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: patchyfacialhair on August 24, 2016, 10:32:31 AM
I can't figure out how to link to just the story instead of the home page of the website, but here's one I read in the paper today:

Quote
Dear Annie: I am a 31-year-young man with a question about a woman who is 28. This story started in August of last year with my asking this woman on a date. We work together but were in different departments at the time. She said she doesn't date the people she works with. I didn't buy it, so I kept flirting with her. And she'd flirt back.

This went on until December of that year, when we saw each other in a neighborhood bar. She came up to my friend and me and pulled on the hood of my sweatshirt. Then she started to walk away, but my friend stopped her by standing in front of her. I talked to her like normal. Then I kissed her on the cheek. Then my friend left, and we hugged. I rubbed her back, and she rubbed mine. I kissed her hand. Then she turned away, and I playfully smacked her on the butt. We left at the same time but went our separate ways. The next day, we saw each other at work, and she came over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

After that, it all went downhill. I saw her sitting on another guy's lap at work. (He works in a different department than we do.) I took it personal. Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap. I felt as if she'd lied to me. I think that maybe she'd forgotten I asked her out, but I have told her I want her to be my girlfriend on several occasions. So I think she knows how I feel about her. After all this, I'm not sure what to think. Any help would be appreciated. ó Pining

Dear Pining: Dating co-workers is great ó if your goal is to save time by simultaneously ruining your personal life and your career. I would like to know why you didn't buy it when this woman told you she doesn't date co-workers, because you should have bought it, thrown away the receipt and gotten the message in your head, even if she later sent mixed signals.

Save yourself a lot of strife and look for love outside the workplace. Yes, we all know happily married couples who met across the watercooler. In the right circumstances with mature individuals (and maybe a consultation with HR), it can be done. But this sounds like an astonishingly immature group. Case in point: Unless it's Bring Your Child to Work Day, no one should be sitting on anyone's lap at the office.

My favorite is "Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap".  I mean really, how. dare. she.  Especially since they're not dating at all even though he's told her he wants her to be his girlfriend several times.

This has to be fake. Obviously if you pat someone on the behind, they are your property and become your bf/gf. Totally agree with Pining here.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: RetiredAt63 on August 24, 2016, 01:10:04 PM
I can't figure out how to link to just the story instead of the home page of the website, but here's one I read in the paper today:

Quote
Dear Annie: I am a 31-year-young man with a question about a woman who is 28. This story started in August of last year with my asking this woman on a date. We work together but were in different departments at the time. She said she doesn't date the people she works with. I didn't buy it, so I kept flirting with her. And she'd flirt back.

This went on until December of that year, when we saw each other in a neighborhood bar. She came up to my friend and me and pulled on the hood of my sweatshirt. Then she started to walk away, but my friend stopped her by standing in front of her. I talked to her like normal. Then I kissed her on the cheek. Then my friend left, and we hugged. I rubbed her back, and she rubbed mine. I kissed her hand. Then she turned away, and I playfully smacked her on the butt. We left at the same time but went our separate ways. The next day, we saw each other at work, and she came over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

After that, it all went downhill. I saw her sitting on another guy's lap at work. (He works in a different department than we do.) I took it personal. Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap. I felt as if she'd lied to me. I think that maybe she'd forgotten I asked her out, but I have told her I want her to be my girlfriend on several occasions. So I think she knows how I feel about her. After all this, I'm not sure what to think. Any help would be appreciated. ó Pining

Dear Pining: Dating co-workers is great ó if your goal is to save time by simultaneously ruining your personal life and your career. I would like to know why you didn't buy it when this woman told you she doesn't date co-workers, because you should have bought it, thrown away the receipt and gotten the message in your head, even if she later sent mixed signals.

Save yourself a lot of strife and look for love outside the workplace. Yes, we all know happily married couples who met across the watercooler. In the right circumstances with mature individuals (and maybe a consultation with HR), it can be done. But this sounds like an astonishingly immature group. Case in point: Unless it's Bring Your Child to Work Day, no one should be sitting on anyone's lap at the office.

My favorite is "Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap".  I mean really, how. dare. she.  Especially since they're not dating at all even though he's told her he wants her to be his girlfriend several times.

This has to be fake. Obviously if you pat someone on the behind, they are your property and become your bf/gf. Totally agree with Pining here.
And obviously someone who doesn't date co-workers is going to be sitting on someone's lap at work.  Come on, really, what a troll.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on August 24, 2016, 01:59:22 PM

This has to be fake. Obviously if you pat someone on the behind, they are your property and become your bf/gf. Totally agree with Pining here.
And obviously someone who doesn't date co-workers is going to be sitting on someone's lap at work.  Come on, really, what a troll.
Agree, it must be a troll.  No spelling errors and decently written.  Not the mark of someone whose immaturity shines through in the behavior.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 24, 2016, 02:36:24 PM
That was a weird little story.  Thank you for sharing!  Here's one source, if anyone wants it. (https://www.creators.com/read/dear-annie/08/16/a-flicker-of-co-worker-romance)

Their actions almost sound like high school, rather than a job at ages 28 and 31.  Does anyone else find the action of friend, "stopped her by standing in front of her," a little creepy as described?

Also, I've never seen "XX-year-young" used by anyone before they hit age 70.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: kitkat on August 24, 2016, 03:04:13 PM
That was a weird little story.  Thank you for sharing!  Here's one source, if anyone wants it. (https://www.creators.com/read/dear-annie/08/16/a-flicker-of-co-worker-romance)

Their actions almost sound like high school, rather than a job at ages 28 and 31.  Does anyone else find the action of friend, "stopped her by standing in front of her," a little creepy as described?

Also, I've never seen "XX-year-young" used by anyone before they hit age 70.

Yeah this sounds a lot more like my often-drunk classmates and I in college than actual adults with jobs. Why in the hell are these coworkers kissing each other and sitting on laps at work?!?!? That is absolutely absurd to me. I would be horrified if I saw it at my work. So unless someone can give me an example of a workplace where this wouldn't be ridiculous, I'm voting troll.


This thread in general is very descriptive of a good friend of mine who always thinks everyone else is mad at her or excluding her or in some way creating some drama that doesn't exist. I try to tell her over and over "I reeeeally don't think that is what is happening", but she defends herself until at some point resorts to "you just don't understand" or "you didn't hear the way she said it". It actually makes me really sad because I know that my friend is not intentionally lying, but truly feels like she is being betrayed or disliked when that is absolutely not the case. She is ~26 and recently received her PhD in Engineering...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Letj on August 24, 2016, 06:30:54 PM
Great thread. Posting to follow.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on August 24, 2016, 08:28:42 PM
That was a weird little story.  Thank you for sharing!  Here's one source, if anyone wants it. (https://www.creators.com/read/dear-annie/08/16/a-flicker-of-co-worker-romance)

Their actions almost sound like high school, rather than a job at ages 28 and 31.  Does anyone else find the action of friend, "stopped her by standing in front of her," a little creepy as described?

Also, I've never seen "XX-year-young" used by anyone before they hit age 70.

Yeah this sounds a lot more like my often-drunk classmates and I in college than actual adults with jobs. Why in the hell are these coworkers kissing each other and sitting on laps at work?!?!? That is absolutely absurd to me. I would be horrified if I saw it at my work. So unless someone can give me an example of a workplace where this wouldn't be ridiculous, I'm voting troll.

I'm with you.  But just for humor's sake, how about this workplace?  http://www.askamanager.org/2015/04/i-walked-in-on-employees-having-sex-and-i-think-there-might-be-a-sex-club-in-my-office.html

And the letter writer's update:  http://www.askamanager.org/2015/06/update-i-walked-in-on-employees-having-sex-and-i-think-theres-a-sex-club-in-my-office.html
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: patchyfacialhair on August 24, 2016, 08:36:47 PM
I was just about to post the update.

I...uh...what?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: yuka on August 24, 2016, 10:02:53 PM

I'm with you.  But just for humor's sake, how about this workplace?  http://www.askamanager.org/2015/04/i-walked-in-on-employees-having-sex-and-i-think-there-might-be-a-sex-club-in-my-office.html

And the letter writer's update:  http://www.askamanager.org/2015/06/update-i-walked-in-on-employees-having-sex-and-i-think-theres-a-sex-club-in-my-office.html

This makes me long for my lost naivete in which I used to suspect exactly no one of lying on the internet. It was a great story though!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 24, 2016, 10:47:44 PM
I just...wow.

I would call phony, but...she's had weirder letters.  There was one about an interview process that involved the candidates throwing a party for the existing employees of the company (http://www.askamanager.org/2014/01/i-had-to-prepare-a-meal-and-entertain-20-people-for-a-job-interview-and-so-did-39-other-candidates.html), including a dance number.  It was posted by OP, then confirmed by a few other interview candidates in the comments.  There was a follow-up (http://www.askamanager.org/2014/07/an-update-from-our-most-notorious-letter-ever-i-had-to-prepare-a-meal-and-entertain-20-people-for-a-job-interview.html), and people also confirmed the name of the (well-known) NFP that was doing the hiring.  (I think I read about this first somewhere else on MMM forums, but I don't recall where.)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on August 24, 2016, 11:29:53 PM
I just...wow.

I would call phony, but...she's had weirder letters.  There was one about an interview process that involved the candidates throwing a party for the existing employees of the company (http://www.askamanager.org/2014/01/i-had-to-prepare-a-meal-and-entertain-20-people-for-a-job-interview-and-so-did-39-other-candidates.html), including a dance number.  It was posted by OP, then confirmed by a few other interview candidates in the comments.  There was a follow-up (http://www.askamanager.org/2014/07/an-update-from-our-most-notorious-letter-ever-i-had-to-prepare-a-meal-and-entertain-20-people-for-a-job-interview.html), and people also confirmed the name of the (well-known) NFP that was doing the hiring.  (I think I read about this first somewhere else on MMM forums, but I don't recall where.)

Ohhh, right -- Operation Smile in Norfolk, Virginia!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on August 25, 2016, 07:16:57 AM
Wow! To both the duck club (supervisor says "quack quack"? How fucking creepy is that!?) and the catering portion of the interview process (that's just abusive and possibly illegal).
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on October 14, 2016, 07:09:03 AM
In hopes of reviving this thread, here's are dueling stories about a party.  The first letter you will see fits our topic.
Etiquette Hell - Holiday Party Custody Battles (http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=3586)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on October 14, 2016, 12:30:41 PM
Bumping to follow. This is wonderful :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on October 14, 2016, 01:26:53 PM
In hopes of reviving this thread, here's are dueling stories about a party.  The first letter you will see fits our topic.
Etiquette Hell - Holiday Party Custody Battles (http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=3586)

I think the second letter does too.
Thanks for bumping this up again!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on October 20, 2016, 04:07:03 PM
Via Reddit:

'My boss was murdered - how soon can I ask for a raise?'

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/58g1tt/my_25m_boss_was_murdered_now_im_wondering_how/
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on October 20, 2016, 06:23:20 PM
In hopes of reviving this thread, here's are dueling stories about a party.  The first letter you will see fits our topic.
Etiquette Hell - Holiday Party Custody Battles (http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=3586)
Oh, boy! Ehell has a new fan. Thanks, WTH!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on October 21, 2016, 12:08:49 AM
In hopes of reviving this thread, here's are dueling stories about a party.  The first letter you will see fits our topic.
Etiquette Hell - Holiday Party Custody Battles (http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=3586)
Oh, boy! Ehell has a new fan. Thanks, WTH!

Same here.  I loved that one.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on October 21, 2016, 03:15:03 PM
Via Reddit:

'My boss was murdered - how soon can I ask for a raise?'

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/58g1tt/my_25m_boss_was_murdered_now_im_wondering_how/

The post has been deleted!  I guess that's not a surprise, considering how easily that kind of topic could be used to identify the OP.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on October 26, 2016, 12:02:34 PM
Via Reddit:

'My boss was murdered - how soon can I ask for a raise?'

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/58g1tt/my_25m_boss_was_murdered_now_im_wondering_how/

Reminds me (sorta) of a previous employer who fired a friend of mine.  Small company and we were friends because we were the youngest people in the company and we were both single.  Other than that, not too much in common, so not besties or anything.   The night before the firing, my friend/co-worker called me at home and said he thought he was going to get fired.  I said I thought it was a possibility because he'd been slacking off quite a bit lately.  We both laughed and said "oh well, if you do, you better work harder at the next place".  The next day, after  friend was fired, the boss called me into his office to see my reaction to the firing.  Boss thought I would be mad or hold it against him.  I didn't have much of an opinion other than what I had said to friend the previous night, so I just kept my mouth shut.  Boss must have really thought I was having an attitude about it, because he went on and on about how much all of the developers were paid.  I was trying to be courteous and say "okay", but after the third or fourth time of the boss implying that their earnings so far exceeded their value when compared to my own decent but not excessive salary, I finally said "well, since ALL of those funds are freed up now, perhaps now is a good time to ask for a raise". 

He seemed almost relieved and gave me a $10K per year raise right on the spot.     Not quite murder, but still, I never felt right telling my friend that I got a raise the day he was fired. 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: ariapluscat on October 27, 2016, 12:10:12 PM
If you like this sort of thing, you should frequent reddit's r/relationships.  It is my guilty pleasure.  Not all of the threads have that dynamic, but quite a few do. 

Here is a classic example:  https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4ufb0r/update_my_18_parents_keep_insisting_that_im_gay/ (https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4ufb0r/update_my_18_parents_keep_insisting_that_im_gay/)

lol, i had this too, but not just parents. hilarious to have an 'i was right' conversation shoe horned into coming out
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: ariapluscat on October 27, 2016, 01:20:13 PM

This thread in general is very descriptive of a good friend of mine who always thinks everyone else is mad at her or excluding her or in some way creating some drama that doesn't exist. I try to tell her over and over "I reeeeally don't think that is what is happening", but she defends herself until at some point resorts to "you just don't understand" or "you didn't hear the way she said it". It actually makes me really sad because I know that my friend is not intentionally lying, but truly feels like she is being betrayed or disliked when that is absolutely not the case. She is ~26 and recently received her PhD in Engineering...

do we have a friend in common?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Mel70 on October 27, 2016, 03:00:47 PM
Either half of the stuff submitted to "ask a manager" is fabricated trolling, or my already low opinion of humanity will need to be adjusted even farther downward.
Sad. Adjusting my opinion of humanity to go even farther downward.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on November 07, 2016, 11:13:43 AM
From our own forums:
Advice on toxic boss (http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/advice-on-toxic-boss)

OP's initial post doesn't come across as intended...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: acepedro45 on March 24, 2017, 11:15:25 AM
Dredging up an old but beloved thread because I came across not one, but two, gems today.


http://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-assistant-quit-because-of-st-patricks-day-pinching.html

My assistant quit on the spot when co-workers insulted her heritage and pinched her butt. If anyone asks for a reference in the future, how should I decline to give it?

https://loveletters.boston.com/2017/03/doesnt-talk-losing-wife.html

My jerk of a boyfriend never told me that he'd been married earlier and that his wife died. Whatever feelings this clod may have about her, they can't possibly be as important as MY needs. Me, me, ME!

Edited for grammar.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BabyShark on March 24, 2017, 11:56:20 AM
This thread is gold.  Thank you for updating acepedro45.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on March 24, 2017, 12:06:19 PM
Adults pinch each other on St. Patricks? I remember this from being a kid - but geez.

Reference/recommendation: As an employee, Erin doesn't appreciate being pinched, especially near the butt. So as long as that is not a job requirement, she'll likely be fine.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: meerkat on March 24, 2017, 12:26:39 PM
Adults pinch each other on St. Patricks? I remember this from being a kid - but geez.

Someone did this to me once at work, in the spirit of silliness. I reflexively smacked her hand away, hard. Thankfully we get along well, but that blurred friends/coworkers line is probably why she felt like I'd be okay with it in the first place.

Reference/recommendation: As an employee, Erin doesn't appreciate being pinched, especially near the butt. So as long as that is not a job requirement, she'll likely be fine.

I'd love to know what goes through the mind of the person hearing that reference with no context.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on March 24, 2017, 01:19:47 PM
Dredging up an old but beloved thread...

https://loveletters.boston.com/2017/03/doesnt-talk-losing-wife.html

My jerk of a boyfriend never told me that he'd been married earlier and that his wife died. Whatever feelings this clod may have about her, they can't possibly be as important as MY needs. Me, me, ME!

Edited for grammar.

Acepedro45, thank you for administering CPR to this thread. That second gem really resonates with me. I don't want to do more than lurk there occasionally, so may I post my comment here? Hope so.

My story has some parallels, though I did know of DH's first wife before she died. DH and I started dating not terribly long afterward. We didn't realize we were dating, exactly. (The saga is in the process of unfolding slowly on my journal if you want more deets.)

He proposed only six months after she died. I knew it was a risk, but I trusted him and my gut. We ended up eloping about a month later. Then a bunch of life changes happened and we were too busy to think/talk too much about it.

She was his high school sweetheart They were married almost 25 years and he never even kissed another girl. She died rather unexpectedly, in part because she did not seek medical attention in a timely manner, despite multiple attempts from him and other family members. To clarify, i knew the general details, but he didn't talk much about her personally or about their married life.

Finally, on a long road trip, I asked him why he never mentioned her. After a really long pause, he managed to choke out, "Because it hurts too much".

That was several years ago and I haven't brought it up since. in short, he was happy, then he was devastated, then he found a different kind of happy.

My message to that silly girl is to leave it alone! If she can't keep her nose out of it and accept him for the person he is today, she meets to do them all a favor and walk the hell away. 

Ace: fixed that wonky autofill typo. Sorry.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Secretly Saving on March 24, 2017, 03:27:05 PM
Like Frankie's Girl, I have a great story that I could tell here.  It's actually my spouse's story to tell about an employee.  Maybe some day I'll be able to share it.  In the meantime, I'll keep following along to catch other people's drama!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: calimom on March 26, 2017, 02:43:18 PM
I frequent an online young widows' bulletin board. For privacy's sake, I won't post the link, but here's the whine:

OP is a fiftyish widow with an advanced degree. Her DH was career military and died five or so years ago. She has a teenaged son and collects SS survivors' benefits, and a VA pension. About a year ago OP went online to a Christian dating site. and found New Guy. Even though both are deeply religious and sex outside of marriage is forbidden, they risked it and started sleeping together immediately. But New Guy has taught the OP how to live again. How to love again.

So now they decide their love warrants a Christian Marriage, as the OP refers to it. No more tempting fate and upsetting Jesus. OP wants to do it right and wear a white gown and have Mr. and Mrs. New Guy listed in the church directory. And here's the dilemma,  OP has gone to the preacher to start wedding preparations, and makes the ever-so-slightly small demand that the preacher perform the Christian Ceremony, but not file the necessary paperwork with their jurisdiction. Bend the rules, as it were. Why is the OP requesting this deception? Because she does not wish to give up her sweet, sweet Gubmint Cheese. Some she'd keep, like the SS benefits for the minor child, but the widow may not claim widow status and be remarried. Shocking. The widow needs all the money she can get, she has bills and doesn't  like working. New Guy is terrible with finances, major debt and an "evil greedy ex-wife". So OP doesn't wish to cast her lot with him in any way other than The Christian Marriage.

OP won't look at this any other way. She wants what she wants, which is basically to be married to two men at the same time. One dead and one living. The church does not agree. The VA, SS, and IRS do not agree. Everything, every institution is conspiring against OP and New Guy. No one understands! Their love is the real thing! There should be separation of church and state, she protests!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Freckles on March 26, 2017, 06:35:21 PM
I don't have a story to share, but I don't want to lose track of this thread.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on March 27, 2017, 01:54:15 AM
The widow needs all the money she can get, she has bills and doesn't  like working.

Their love is the real thing! There should be separation of church and state, she protests!

Interesting stuff. New Guy does not sound like someone I would like to be married to. Sounds like she should find a friend to dress up and play at weddings for a day so she gets to wear a white dress. I'm guessing that if her deity is okay with the widow's benefits fraud thing they'd be okay with the pretend wedding thing.

I also have bills and dislike working, is their some free money available for me also. I didn't realise that this was an option for special people like the OP and me.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on March 27, 2017, 06:15:04 AM
OP won't look at this any other way. She wants what she wants, which is basically to be married to two men at the same time. One dead and one living. The church does not agree. The VA, SS, and IRS do not agree. Everything, every institution is conspiring against OP and New Guy. No one understands! Their love is the real thing! There should be separation of church and state, she protests!

My favorite part is that the VA, SS and IRS couldn't give two figs what they do with their genitals in private. Only the church, and even then, I feel like most of them at this point are like "don't ask, don't tell."
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on March 27, 2017, 08:17:09 AM
The widow needs all the money she can get, she has bills and doesn't  like working.

Their love is the real thing! There should be separation of church and state, she protests!

Interesting stuff. New Guy does not sound like someone I would like to be married to. Sounds like she should find a friend to dress up and play at weddings for a day so she gets to wear a white dress. I'm guessing that if her deity is okay with the widow's benefits fraud thing they'd be okay with the pretend wedding thing.

I also have bills and dislike working, is their some free money available for me also. I didn't realise that this was an option for special people like the OP and me.
Love your take on this whack-job story.

And calimom, I am sorry for your loss. I hope there's a different kind of happy in your future.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: acepedro45 on March 31, 2017, 07:40:27 AM
Another one from Alison of Askamanager.com....

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/im-embarrassed-that-my-employee-paid-cash-at-a-business-lunch-we-all-get-the-same-raises-and-more.html

My employee had the gall, the absolute gall, to pay CASH at a BUSINESS LUNCH!!! Can you even imagine?! In a BUSINESS SETTING? I and my stuffy friends were hopelessly embarrassed by this disgusting creature at the lunch (where I of course required her to pay her own way while I and my aforementioned friends whipped out our company cards).

What's more, the freak has a number of other bizarre qualities. First of all, she's young! She doesn't know that proper business etiquette is to be 25 or older. What's more, she doesn't waste time on social media of any kind. She doesn't own a TV and I suspect that is part of the problem she has absorbing cultural norms. No wonder she is so out of touch with proper decorum.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: meerkat on March 31, 2017, 08:00:58 AM
Another one from Alison of Askamanager.com....

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/im-embarrassed-that-my-employee-paid-cash-at-a-business-lunch-we-all-get-the-same-raises-and-more.html

My employee had the gall, the absolute gall, to pay CASH at a BUSINESS LUNCH!!! Can you even imagine?! In a BUSINESS SETTING? I and my stuffy friends were hopelessly embarrassed by this disgusting creature at the lunch (where I of course required her to pay her own way while I and my aforementioned friends whipped out our company cards).

What's more, the freak has a number of other bizarre qualities. First of all, she's young! She doesn't know that proper business etiquette is to be 25 or older. What's more, she doesn't waste time on social media of any kind. She doesn't own a TV and I suspect that is part of the problem she has absorbing cultural norms. No wonder she is so out of touch with proper decorum.

Ha, I thought of this forum when I read that. One small nit pick, I think the age was mentioned as a sort of "she's too young to have learned proper business etiquette, I should show her the Error Of Her Ways!"
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on March 31, 2017, 10:40:08 AM
Hahaha I read that this morning too. As a fellow youngish person, I didn't know if that was some sort of business etiquette thing (every business meal I've been on has been picked up on the company card, which is definitely not in my wallet). Based on the comments, it seems like it is not. I found it more strange that they split the bill on a business lunch... usually when it's a meeting lunch (she mentions there were people from four different companies), one company will pick it up. Weird.

AAM is a treasure :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on March 31, 2017, 11:03:03 AM
AAM is a treasure :)

+1000

I thought the "25" comment was being really condescending either way. Either she's too young to be able to provide any value to her employer, or she's too young to know anything about anything. One isn't better than the other.

And I read the "business lunch" as "a group of colleagues went to lunch" not "taking current/potential clients/business partners to lunch".

I wonder if the manager is mad because people who can manage their money that well probably have or will soon have FU money. Employees who need their job lest they fall in to utter ruin are much easier to control.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on March 31, 2017, 11:04:29 AM
Ha, I thought of this forum when I read that. One small nit pick, I think the age was mentioned as a sort of "she's too young to have learned proper business etiquette, I should show her the Error Of Her Ways!"

I would agree, except for all the other bizarre complaints after that. She's 25, but nothing happens when I Google her name, what's wrong with her?! *clutches pearls*
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: meerkat on March 31, 2017, 11:36:58 AM
I thought the "25" comment was being really condescending either way. Either she's too young to be able to provide any value to her employer, or she's too young to know anything about anything. One isn't better than the other.

True.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on March 31, 2017, 11:57:59 AM
And I read the "business lunch" as "a group of colleagues went to lunch" not "taking current/potential clients/business partners to lunch".

That would make more sense. But then the complaint makes even less sense! I still don't see the issue with paying cash at a *business* lunch (not just colleagues grabbing lunch, but a working lunch), but if it's a personal lunch with colleague friends, then I have zero clue what the issue is with paying cash.

Had this actually been a breach of business etiquette, I didn't see that the comment about being 25 and being too young to have learned proper business etiquette that condescending. It was the rest of the bizarre complaints that did it for me.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Vindicated on March 31, 2017, 01:00:37 PM
P2F!  These are wonderful
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Just Joe on March 31, 2017, 02:11:55 PM
What's more, the freak has a number of other bizarre qualities. First of all, she's young! She doesn't know that proper business etiquette is to be 25 or older. What's more, she doesn't waste time on social media of any kind. She doesn't own a TV and I suspect that is part of the problem she has absorbing cultural norms. No wonder she is so out of touch with proper decorum.

And beyond that the youngster probably doesn't even have the "collector's edition special carbon fiber platinum gold plated credit card for special members only for a limited time only card" stored in a wallet from fashionable places overseas!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on April 10, 2017, 02:40:42 PM
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/

Disclaimer: there is a part of me that's wondering if this is all a massive troll/social experiment (presenting an all-too-common situation with flipped genders to see what the public response ends up being). Nonetheless, I believer the situation has happened somewhere, at some point, whatever the sexes of party1/party2, and the basic facts make it fit into the topic category: a deal was made, but 18 months later party1 is unhappy with the deal and wants to coerce party2 into something party2 explicitly rejected when the deal was made.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on April 10, 2017, 08:17:50 PM
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/

Disclaimer: there is a part of me that's wondering if this is all a massive troll/social experiment (presenting an all-too-common situation with flipped genders to see what the public response ends up being). Nonetheless, I believer the situation has happened somewhere, at some point, whatever the sexes of party1/party2, and the basic facts make it fit into the topic category: a deal was made, but 18 months later party1 is unhappy with the deal and wants to coerce party2 into something party2 explicitly rejected when the deal was made.

No idea if it's some experiment or not, but I really, really, really LOVE the fact that every single comment I read was telling him to grow up. Many were implying or outright calling him an abuser. LOVE IT!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on April 11, 2017, 02:15:01 AM
Ha, I thought of this forum when I read that. One small nit pick, I think the age was mentioned as a sort of "she's too young to have learned proper business etiquette, I should show her the Error Of Her Ways!"

I would agree, except for all the other bizarre complaints after that. She's 25, but nothing happens when I Google her name, what's wrong with her?! *clutches pearls*

This whole story was absolutely hysterical! I love reason about when people bring personal shit to work.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on April 11, 2017, 09:35:03 AM
Did y'all see the Ask A Manager where the writer was all "I'm calling a female-identifying coworker pronouns she doesn't use. How can I go to HR about her hostility to nonbinary people?"

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/giving-coworkers-a-questionnaire-about-my-performance-gender-neutral-pronouns-and-more.html

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/

Disclaimer: there is a part of me that's wondering if this is all a massive troll/social experiment (presenting an all-too-common situation with flipped genders to see what the public response ends up being). Nonetheless, I believer the situation has happened somewhere, at some point, whatever the sexes of party1/party2, and the basic facts make it fit into the topic category: a deal was made, but 18 months later party1 is unhappy with the deal and wants to coerce party2 into something party2 explicitly rejected when the deal was made.

No idea if it's some experiment or not, but I really, really, really LOVE the fact that every single comment I read was telling him to grow up. Many were implying or outright calling him an abuser. LOVE IT!

I bet this is that gender-switch, and it's kinda sad that if it was a deadbeat dad, the general advice would be "He's the father, he needs to be involved". I think the advice here is good in either case, but it's sad for the child no matter what.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: RetiredAt63 on April 11, 2017, 11:05:38 AM
I bet this is that gender-switch, and it's kinda sad that if it was a deadbeat dad, the general advice would be "He's the father, he needs to be involved". I think the advice here is good in either case, but it's sad for the child no matter what.

In the same circumstances I think the answers would be the same.  Short-term relationship, she is pregnant, he is encouraging an abortion and willing to pay, she wants to keep the baby.  He says "OK I will pay child support but not interested in being a father" and pays 125% of agreed child support.  Not a dead-beat dad.  Just not there.  Which the mother knew would happen. 
Seriously, women tend to have a better idea of what they are getting into, since so many men (not all, but enough) walk away from their families, from children they have been active fathers to, and don't even pay child support.  Those are the dead-beat dads.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: acepedro45 on April 13, 2017, 07:49:31 AM
Another good one...

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_hate_my_wife_s_ideas_for_naming_our_daughter.html

My wife and I met to discuss baby names for our daughter-to-be. Although I came prepared with a bulleted PowerPoint presentation of Important and Serious Names from Art & Literature, my wife came with a brainstormed list scribbled on the back of a grocery list. Now I am seriously questioning our relationship. Can I stay married to a woman who thinks "Bethonie" is an appropriate name for a little girl? This trashy, misspelled name would lead our daughter down an inevitable path of eating disorders, drug use, sex work, hitchhiking, glue sniffing, shoplifting, teen pregnancy and other horrors.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: calimom on April 13, 2017, 08:08:15 PM
Another good one...

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_hate_my_wife_s_ideas_for_naming_our_daughter.html

My wife and I met to discuss baby names for our daughter-to-be. Although I came prepared with a bulleted PowerPoint presentation of Important and Serious Names from Art & Literature, my wife came with a brainstormed list scribbled on the back of a grocery list. Now I am seriously questioning our relationship. Can I stay married to a woman who thinks "Bethonie" is an appropriate name for a little girl? This trashy, misspelled name would lead our daughter down an inevitable path of eating disorders, drug use, sex work, hitchhiking, glue sniffing, shoplifting, teen pregnancy and other horrors.

LOL!

I wish I was making this up, but last year my daughter was in a class at her school with 3 girls of the same name. My first reaction, upon hearing this when we were making birthday party invitations, was "How cool. These parents named their daughters after a hip groovy borough of New York.". Then I found out the spelling of each was, "Brooke Lynne", "Brooklinn", and "Brooklynne".
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on April 14, 2017, 01:24:35 PM
Another good one...

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_hate_my_wife_s_ideas_for_naming_our_daughter.html

My wife and I met to discuss baby names for our daughter-to-be. Although I came prepared with a bulleted PowerPoint presentation of Important and Serious Names from Art & Literature, my wife came with a brainstormed list scribbled on the back of a grocery list. Now I am seriously questioning our relationship. Can I stay married to a woman who thinks "Bethonie" is an appropriate name for a little girl? This trashy, misspelled name would lead our daughter down an inevitable path of eating disorders, drug use, sex work, hitchhiking, glue sniffing, shoplifting, teen pregnancy and other horrors.

LOL!

I wish I was making this up, but last year my daughter was in a class at her school with 3 girls of the same name. My first reaction, upon hearing this when we were making birthday party invitations, was "How cool. These parents named their daughters after a hip groovy borough of New York.". Then I found out the spelling of each was, "Brooke Lynne", "Brooklinn", and "Brooklynne".

And if I knew those girls, I'd spend their entire lives spelling it "Brooklyn". Alternative spellings aren't cool, they're cruel to the people who are stuck with having their names spelled wrong for their entire lives.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on April 17, 2017, 11:09:40 AM
Another good one...

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_hate_my_wife_s_ideas_for_naming_our_daughter.html

My wife and I met to discuss baby names for our daughter-to-be. Although I came prepared with a bulleted PowerPoint presentation of Important and Serious Names from Art & Literature, my wife came with a brainstormed list scribbled on the back of a grocery list. Now I am seriously questioning our relationship. Can I stay married to a woman who thinks "Bethonie" is an appropriate name for a little girl? This trashy, misspelled name would lead our daughter down an inevitable path of eating disorders, drug use, sex work, hitchhiking, glue sniffing, shoplifting, teen pregnancy and other horrors.

LOL!

I wish I was making this up, but last year my daughter was in a class at her school with 3 girls of the same name. My first reaction, upon hearing this when we were making birthday party invitations, was "How cool. These parents named their daughters after a hip groovy borough of New York.". Then I found out the spelling of each was, "Brooke Lynne", "Brooklinn", and "Brooklynne".

And if I knew those girls, I'd spend their entire lives spelling it "Brooklyn". Alternative spellings aren't cool, they're cruel to the people who are stuck with having their names spelled wrong for their entire lives.

As someone who's (real) name is spelled "wrong"... meh. It's not that big of a deal. Sure, I can never find my name on those personalized keychains (my mom once special ordered a custom pillow spelling out my name and I loved it), and I will forever roll my eyes at the one coworker who cannot or will not spell my name correctly, but in the grand scheme of problems in my life, this rates on "meh" on the scale. My grandmother spelled my mom's name "wrong," my mom spelled my name "wrong," and if I ever have my own daughter, I'm 99% sure I'll be spelling her name "wrong" too.

Off topic, but I was part of a long email chain with someone with a common name that has multiple common spellings (Catherine/Katherine, Megan/Meghan, something like that). She would consistently spell my name wrong, even though it pops up with my full and correct spelling. So I replied to one of her emails purposely spelling her name wrong (after sending several emails with the correct spelling of her name). She never got my name wrong again. Passive aggressive for the win :)

Now, if you're the type of the acquaintance to continuously spell someone's name wrong because you think the spelling is stupid, and is essentially punishing someone for their parents' "mistake" in your eyes... well, I don't think the person with the weirdly spelled name is the problem.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on April 17, 2017, 02:11:21 PM
Another good one...

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_hate_my_wife_s_ideas_for_naming_our_daughter.html

My wife and I met to discuss baby names for our daughter-to-be. Although I came prepared with a bulleted PowerPoint presentation of Important and Serious Names from Art & Literature, my wife came with a brainstormed list scribbled on the back of a grocery list. Now I am seriously questioning our relationship. Can I stay married to a woman who thinks "Bethonie" is an appropriate name for a little girl? This trashy, misspelled name would lead our daughter down an inevitable path of eating disorders, drug use, sex work, hitchhiking, glue sniffing, shoplifting, teen pregnancy and other horrors.

LOL!

I wish I was making this up, but last year my daughter was in a class at her school with 3 girls of the same name. My first reaction, upon hearing this when we were making birthday party invitations, was "How cool. These parents named their daughters after a hip groovy borough of New York.". Then I found out the spelling of each was, "Brooke Lynne", "Brooklinn", and "Brooklynne".

And if I knew those girls, I'd spend their entire lives spelling it "Brooklyn". Alternative spellings aren't cool, they're cruel to the people who are stuck with having their names spelled wrong for their entire lives.

As someone who's (real) name is spelled "wrong"... meh. It's not that big of a deal. Sure, I can never find my name on those personalized keychains (my mom once special ordered a custom pillow spelling out my name and I loved it), and I will forever roll my eyes at the one coworker who cannot or will not spell my name correctly, but in the grand scheme of problems in my life, this rates on "meh" on the scale. My grandmother spelled my mom's name "wrong," my mom spelled my name "wrong," and if I ever have my own daughter, I'm 99% sure I'll be spelling her name "wrong" too.

Off topic, but I was part of a long email chain with someone with a common name that has multiple common spellings (Catherine/Katherine, Megan/Meghan, something like that). She would consistently spell my name wrong, even though it pops up with my full and correct spelling. So I replied to one of her emails purposely spelling her name wrong (after sending several emails with the correct spelling of her name). She never got my name wrong again. Passive aggressive for the win :)

Now, if you're the type of the acquaintance to continuously spell someone's name wrong because you think the spelling is stupid, and is essentially punishing someone for their parents' "mistake" in your eyes... well, I don't think the person with the weirdly spelled name is the problem.

I simply can't spell. So when you have multiple spellings of the same name, I really can't remember what the spelling is, and will frequently get it wrong. It doesn't help that your attitude is in the minority - I can't tell you how often people have gotten mad at me because I spelled their name wrong.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on April 17, 2017, 02:41:58 PM
I simply can't spell. So when you have multiple spellings of the same name, I really can't remember what the spelling is, and will frequently get it wrong. It doesn't help that your attitude is in the minority - I can't tell you how often people have gotten mad at me because I spelled their name wrong.

Ahh gotcha. I thought you meant you were one of those people who's like 'I'm just gonna spell your name how ever I want because it's too inconvenient for me to remember how to properly spell it.' Like my one coworker. Ugh.

If my best friend of 15 years forgot how to spell my name I might be miffed. Even newer friends have a bit less of an excuse since most of my friends and I use Facebook Messenger to chat frequently (and my name is spelled correctly there). I used to be a crazed, Type-A, perfectionist about everything, and now I'm somewhere between Type-A and B. I've learned to pick my battles, and the spelling of my name just isn't one of them.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on April 17, 2017, 02:54:50 PM
I also have a name that has multiple spelling variants. My name happens to be spelled the most common way, but I still get plenty of misspellings.

BUT, I have to say, unasked-for nicknames rate far higher for me on the annoyance scale than misspellings. If I tell you my name is Catherine and you spell it Kathryn, we can get over that. If you call me Cathy, Kate or Katie, you're deliberately ignoring what I told you I wanted to be called.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on April 17, 2017, 05:18:14 PM
Off topic, but I was part of a long email chain with someone with a common name that has multiple common spellings (Catherine/Katherine, Megan/Meghan, something like that). She would consistently spell my name wrong, even though it pops up with my full and correct spelling. So I replied to one of her emails purposely spelling her name wrong (after sending several emails with the correct spelling of her name). She never got my name wrong again. Passive aggressive for the win :)

I have the less common spelling of my name. Misspellings in email - when they typed it correctly for the email to get to me - bugs me.

So when I accidentally mess up someone's name (I deal with a Natali and Natalie in the same office), I always point it out myself and apologise, because I should know better.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on April 18, 2017, 02:29:50 AM
I have what I would say is a normal English name (like Mary rather than Shaneequa) that's just slightly unusual (like Cecily rather than Mary) but not way out there. So I've only ever met one other person with my name but it appears frequently enough in life and in literature that everyone's heard of it. It is somewhat alike another name and people do sometimes mishear and confuse it (like Marie rather than Mary).

If I say my name out loud and someone writes it down wrong, that's OK. If they read my name on some paper and pronounce it wrong, that's kind of OK. If I have sent an email to them with my correctly spelled name at the bottom and they repeatedly send back emails with multiple comically varying spellings of my name... MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE. Especially as my email address IS my name. I do think it is very disrespectful to spell people's names wrong when the correct spelling would take all of five seconds to check. It's one of those things like saying "Excuse me" when you burp - no one's going to die if you don't do it, but it's just something that shows respect towards those around you.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MichaelB on April 18, 2017, 09:56:35 AM
P2F
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Shinplaster on April 18, 2017, 11:08:18 AM

MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE.

My name has an 'a' at the end, which makes it 3 syllables, not 2.  So does my SIL's name (different than mine though.)   For 38 years, my MIL has called me by the wrong name.  Although not much different than my name, it IS different.  I do not like this 2 syllable name!   She knows that.   My parents took a lot of time and thought naming me, and I rather like my name.  For 35 years, MIL has also called my SIL a short form of her name that she absolutely hates.   MIL has a Czech name that is tricky to spell, and unusual to pronounce.  And yet, SIL and I both have mastered HER name.   She wonders why her relationships with her children's spouses are not good.  (it's not just about the names, but holy hell, our names are not difficult!)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Frankies Girl on April 18, 2017, 11:11:27 AM
New submission that has been discovered in the wilds of this very forum:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convince-gf-to-be-more-mustachian-for-future-children/

Wow.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: scantee on April 18, 2017, 11:31:46 AM
New submission that has been discovered in the wilds of this very forum:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convince-gf-to-be-more-mustachian-for-future-children/

Wow.

Oh man, I had the same thought! That guy seems sadly unaware of how horribly he is coming across to everyone else.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on April 18, 2017, 12:16:47 PM
New submission that has been discovered in the wilds of this very forum:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convince-gf-to-be-more-mustachian-for-future-children/

Wow.

Oh man, I had the same thought! That guy seems sadly unaware of how horribly he is coming across to everyone else.

In the words of Alison - Holy Hanukkah Balls.

I was going to write a response, but... ugh. I used to be that kid in my late teens, early 20s... planning out everything in my future and then freaking the fuck out when things didn't go to plan. Thank god for therapy.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Freckles on April 18, 2017, 12:19:39 PM
I feel sorry for his girlfriend. I'm thinking she should get out now.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: aetherie on April 18, 2017, 12:32:38 PM
I think that guy is a troll.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Samsam on April 18, 2017, 12:34:37 PM
I think that guy is a troll.

After the whole MJ basketball comment I am now thinking the same thing.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on April 18, 2017, 12:38:36 PM
New submission that has been discovered in the wilds of this very forum:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convince-gf-to-be-more-mustachian-for-future-children/

Wow.

Oh man, I had the same thought! That guy seems sadly unaware of how horribly he is coming across to everyone else.

This has so much all wrapped up in one thread. There's the list of unacceptable majors (I'm left wondering where my business degree fits; it isn't STEM, you know), the non-parent stating an absolutely certain parenting philosophy, the disregard of all art, all topped with the icing of "how do I get the people in my life to do exactly what I tell them?".
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: aetherie on April 18, 2017, 01:34:14 PM
Here's another fun one from Dear Prudence:

www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_told_my_wife_i_hope_she_miscarried.html (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_told_my_wife_i_hope_she_miscarried.html)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MichaelB on April 18, 2017, 01:44:06 PM
Here's another fun one from Dear Prudence:

www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_told_my_wife_i_hope_she_miscarried.html (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_told_my_wife_i_hope_she_miscarried.html)

Holy shit. I...wow. I can't put together my thoughts into sentences, but they can be summed up with "divorce" and "evil".
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on April 19, 2017, 10:37:42 AM
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html

Another AAM gem. I won't give away what the insult was (because your jaw will drop, like everyone else's), but suffice to say it was not a comment on her boss's parenting skills.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on April 19, 2017, 11:00:12 AM
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html

Another AAM gem. I won't give away what the insult was (because your jaw will drop, like everyone else's), but suffice to say it was not a comment on her boss's parenting skills.

Plenty of shittyness to go around on that one
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BabyShark on April 19, 2017, 01:19:38 PM
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html

Another AAM gem. I won't give away what the insult was (because your jaw will drop, like everyone else's), but suffice to say it was not a comment on her boss's parenting skills.

Plenty of shittyness to go around on that one

I gasped aloud at my desk when I read that one.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on April 19, 2017, 01:53:13 PM
I also have a name that has multiple spelling variants. My name happens to be spelled the most common way, but I still get plenty of misspellings.

BUT, I have to say, unasked-for nicknames rate far higher for me on the annoyance scale than misspellings. If I tell you my name is Catherine and you spell it Kathryn, we can get over that. If you call me Cathy, Kate or Katie, you're deliberately ignoring what I told you I wanted to be called.

My name can be pronounced two different ways.  I've never cared which of those ways because one is a more Americanized way of pronouncing it.  Sometimes people will ask how I pronounce it, so they clearly want to get it right, and even then, sometimes people repeat it back and say the other (so maybe I say it wrong!)  Still, that never bothers me.  But spell my name wrong, and I'm annoyed. 

My good friend however used a different alphabet in his home country.  People routinely spell his name wrong and he doesn't care, but if they mispronounce it, there is hell to pay.   I asked him why he doesn't care if people spell it wrong and he looked at me like I was crazy and explained that his name is spelled with a bunch of squiggly lines and this English language is simply a translation/representation of that.  Who's to say whether ~~~ sounds like "e" or "a". 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on April 20, 2017, 03:07:04 AM
Ha! My Grandfather always spelled my name wrong.  Christmas checks, birthday checks, and kind of check. I never said a word. He's been gone at least 25 years. Whenever I see my name spelled that way, I smile and think of him.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Raenia on April 20, 2017, 09:33:52 AM
I also have a name that has multiple spelling variants. My name happens to be spelled the most common way, but I still get plenty of misspellings.

BUT, I have to say, unasked-for nicknames rate far higher for me on the annoyance scale than misspellings. If I tell you my name is Catherine and you spell it Kathryn, we can get over that. If you call me Cathy, Kate or Katie, you're deliberately ignoring what I told you I wanted to be called.

This exactly.  If you misspell my name once or twice, I'll ignore it.  If you misspell it consistently, I'll correct you but with no hard feelings.  If you call me an unsolicited nickname, I put my foot down.  I actually had to do this with a coworker recently - another coworker did it by accident and stopped as soon as I told her I didn't like it, but he decided that was hilarious and ran with it.  I had to actually get angry before he figured out that I meant it and stopped.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on April 20, 2017, 06:51:28 PM
Wow, thanks everyone for reviving this thread!  I have gasped so much reading all these new posts.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: nnls on April 20, 2017, 07:39:17 PM
I have what I would say is a normal English name (like Mary rather than Shaneequa) that's just slightly unusual (like Cecily rather than Mary) but not way out there. So I've only ever met one other person with my name but it appears frequently enough in life and in literature that everyone's heard of it. It is somewhat alike another name and people do sometimes mishear and confuse it (like Marie rather than Mary).

If I say my name out loud and someone writes it down wrong, that's OK. If they read my name on some paper and pronounce it wrong, that's kind of OK. If I have sent an email to them with my correctly spelled name at the bottom and they repeatedly send back emails with multiple comically varying spellings of my name... MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE. Especially as my email address IS my name. I do think it is very disrespectful to spell people's names wrong when the correct spelling would take all of five seconds to check. It's one of those things like saying "Excuse me" when you burp - no one's going to die if you don't do it, but it's just something that shows respect towards those around you.

this actually annoys me, when i see my name wrong so if I am say ordering a pizza or coffee or whatever I always give my name as Sarah. Its probably unfair of me to get annoyed with people spelling my name wrong since my mum made a mistake on the birth certificate so I have an already unusual name that is then spelt weirdly. But for some reason it annoys me.

I have also mentioned to three people this week they have spelt my name wrong in emails, I dont usually mention it, but I share an office with these people and have worked with them for a few years, they usually get it right but this week all 3 got it wrong.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Footsore Rambler on April 20, 2017, 11:39:50 PM
Posting to follow -- very entertaining thread!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Apples on April 21, 2017, 08:20:54 AM
I have a very common name with 2 very popular spellings.  My senior year, my favorite college professor who I had seen at least 10 hrs/week for 3 years between classes and a club, used the incorrect spelling on a letter of recommendation.  Throughout the entire thing.  Ticked me off SO MUCH, but I didn't have the guts to tell her. I still haven't forgotten.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on April 21, 2017, 03:07:47 PM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on April 22, 2017, 03:07:37 AM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Villanelle on April 22, 2017, 04:32:19 AM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My mom does this.  Mail to me is addressed to Mrs. HusbandFirst SharedLast.  It's her way.  I've never asked her not to and I suspect that if I did, she would change it.  But it's an older, more traditional way of doing things and does no damage to me and has no ill-intent, and life is too short to dwell on things like that.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Luckyvik on April 22, 2017, 06:14:21 AM
I have what I would say is a normal English name (like Mary rather than Shaneequa) that's just slightly unusual (like Cecily rather than Mary) but not way out there. So I've only ever met one other person with my name but it appears frequently enough in life and in literature that everyone's heard of it. It is somewhat alike another name and people do sometimes mishear and confuse it (like Marie rather than Mary).

If I say my name out loud and someone writes it down wrong, that's OK. If they read my name on some paper and pronounce it wrong, that's kind of OK. If I have sent an email to them with my correctly spelled name at the bottom and they repeatedly send back emails with multiple comically varying spellings of my name... MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE. Especially as my email address IS my name. I do think it is very disrespectful to spell people's names wrong when the correct spelling would take all of five seconds to check. It's one of those things like saying "Excuse me" when you burp - no one's going to die if you don't do it, but it's just something that shows respect towards those around you.

this actually annoys me, when i see my name wrong so if I am say ordering a pizza or coffee or whatever I always give my name as Sarah. Its probably unfair of me to get annoyed with people spelling my name wrong since my mum made a mistake on the birth certificate so I have an already unusual name that is then spelt weirdly. But for some reason it annoys me.

I have also mentioned to three people this week they have spelt my name wrong in emails, I dont usually mention it, but I share an office with these people and have worked with them for a few years, they usually get it right but this week all 3 got it wrong.
My maiden mane was a Spanish name and people would address me as Dear LastName and thanks LastName doesn't happen anymore with my married name. It wasn't like my name sounded like my last name eg. Carol Rodriguez and people addressed me on name as 'Dear Rodriguez' or 'Thanks Rodriguez' weird.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on April 22, 2017, 06:48:01 AM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My mom does this.  Mail to me is addressed to Mrs. HusbandFirst SharedLast.  It's her way.  I've never asked her not to and I suspect that if I did, she would change it.  But it's an older, more traditional way of doing things and does no damage to me and has no ill-intent, and life is too short to dwell on things like that.

If it's coming from your mum, and you know there is no ill-will behind it, fair enough.

My mum didn't have the best relationship with her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law once told her, "Well, every relationship needs a strong person and a weak person, that's just how it works." She was, of course, hinting that my mother should accept the role of the weaker party. My parents are equals. My dad worked away a lot when I was younger, so Mum was busy raising us kids, managing a farm, and working. But sure, psycho grandma, weaker person, whatever...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on April 22, 2017, 11:30:32 AM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BlueHouse on April 23, 2017, 05:39:12 AM
My last name is also a masculine first name. I often use my last name when I sign up for things where I don't want follow up emails or phone calls, but where it's too weird to use an obviously fake email or name. So if my name were Mary Joseph, I let people think my name is Joseph (whatever). Obviously doesn't work in person, but when someone calls to ask for "Joseph" I know someone is trying to sell me something.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Just Joe on April 23, 2017, 10:27:14 AM
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html

Another AAM gem. I won't give away what the insult was (because your jaw will drop, like everyone else's), but suffice to say it was not a comment on her boss's parenting skills.

Plenty of shittyness to go around on that one

I gasped aloud at my desk when I read that one.

Yeah! I think a decade long vow of silence would be a good start! ;)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on April 24, 2017, 10:56:56 AM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.

As someone whose mom kept her maiden name and who plans to do the same, I don't love it, but I do know it's an old-timey tradition. From back when your identity of a married woman was completely dependent on that of her husband. And as such, Mrs. Ronald Biddleton (or whatever) was a totally legit descriptor of who you were, I guess (I'm no linguist, I don't actually know the history of the custom). Like I said, don't love it, and it would put me off from a business, etc mailing that I would expect to be more contemporary, but I would understand it from grandma...I'll probably do similarly uncouth old-timey things when I'm grandma-aged, thinking the newfangled way is just society slipping slowly over the precipice into the next dark ages.

Kind of makes me think of when we went to India and no one would talk to me, just my bf. I was like a ghost. Then I mentioned to a friend and she explained it was the polite thing to do there; locals would take it amiss if a man were to speak directly to a woman in the company of a man. The feminist part of me was still a bit ragey but more at the cultural attitude toward women, rather than the individuals (who are just behaving as politely/appropriately as they know how). As a barbaric westerner, though, I refused to STFU even knowing this.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Rural on April 24, 2017, 05:39:16 PM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.


I get this sometimes from people young enough  to know better, like one set of friends. Their wedding invites were to us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast. Pissed me off. I have my own first mane, TYVM, and also I've never been a Mrs. of any sort, with any name, as I had a PhD when we married and use Dr. socially as well as professionally.


But okay, maybe let that slide once because wedding invites are tradition-bound anyway. But this couple, still under 30? Every year a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast. Now, I don't keep Christmas cards, but theirs? Trashed without opening, right in the post office.

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on April 25, 2017, 05:42:42 AM

I get this sometimes from people young enough  to know better, like one set of friends. Their wedding invites were to us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast. Pissed me off. I have my own first mane...

Is that a Rural thing? ;)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Vindicated on April 25, 2017, 06:10:14 AM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.


I get this sometimes from people young enough  to know better, like one set of friends. Their wedding invites were to us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast. Pissed me off. I have my own first mane, TYVM, and also I've never been a Mrs. of any sort, with any name, as I had a PhD when we married and use Dr. socially as well as professionally.


But okay, maybe let that slide once because wedding invites are tradition-bound anyway. But this couple, still under 30? Every year a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast. Now, I don't keep Christmas cards, but theirs? Trashed without opening, right in the post office.

There is a chance that they're really just trying to use proper etiquette, and don't know that it would upset anyone.

I know when we got married, we weren't sure of the proper way to do it.  So, we just googled it.  The most common etiquette found online is to use Mr & Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast.

I do believe you're supposed to put Dr. Her & Mr. His if the woman is a Doctor though.  Do they know you're a Doctor?

https://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/how-to-address-wedding-invitations.htm (https://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/how-to-address-wedding-invitations.htm)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on April 25, 2017, 06:28:19 AM
No matter what the most common or "most proper" etiquette says, the polite thing to do is address people how they wish to be addressed. If someone goes by Dr then is is rude to call them Mrs.

It's a dangerous road to hark back to what was considered polite 200 years ago as if we haven't learned anything since then.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Vindicated on April 25, 2017, 06:44:13 AM
No matter what the most common or "most proper" etiquette says, the polite thing to do is address people how they wish to be addressed. If someone goes by Dr then is is rude to call them Mrs.

It's a dangerous road to hark back to what was considered polite 200 years ago as if we haven't learned anything since then.

Yes, but do you know how everyone wants to be addressed?  Did this person know that Rural has a PhD?  Perhaps they do.  Perhaps they don't.  Perhaps they really are clueless that the naming would bother anyone, so it isn't something they have thought about. 

If you want to be addressed in a certain way, just politely ask the person to address you that way in the future.  If they continue to address you the "wrong" way, then you can be upset.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Noodle on April 25, 2017, 11:44:45 AM
As a historical etiquette geek, it would make my day to meet someone who goes by the Victorian convention of Mrs. MaidenName MarriedName for a divorced woman. Although I just came across an Emily Post mention from the 1920s that if a divorced woman were the "innocent party," she was allowed to keep going by Mrs. Husband'sFirstName MarriedName as during her marriage. No word on who gets to decide the "innocent party"...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Spork on April 25, 2017, 11:50:07 AM
As a historical etiquette geek, it would make my day to meet someone who goes by the Victorian convention of Mrs. MaidenName MarriedName for a divorced woman. Although I just came across an Emily Post mention from the 1920s that if a divorced woman were the "innocent party," she was allowed to keep going by Mrs. Husband'sFirstName MarriedName as during her marriage. No word on who gets to decide the "innocent party"...

From my DW's obsessive digging through ancestry.com...  It appears as if divorcing women were assigned a "divorce master" to handle this things for the pretty little lady.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Rural on April 25, 2017, 05:28:20 PM
No matter what the most common or "most proper" etiquette says, the polite thing to do is address people how they wish to be addressed. If someone goes by Dr then is is rude to call them Mrs.

It's a dangerous road to hark back to what was considered polite 200 years ago as if we haven't learned anything since then.

Yes, but do you know how everyone wants to be addressed?  Did this person know that Rural has a PhD?  Perhaps they do.  Perhaps they don't.  Perhaps they really are clueless that the naming would bother anyone, so it isn't something they have thought about. 

If you want to be addressed in a certain way, just politely ask the person to address you that way in the future.  If they continue to address you the "wrong" way, then you can be upset.


They do know about the Ph.D. but possibly not the preferred title since we've always been very much on first name terms. But that does mean they know my first name is not "John" (for example) but "Jane," (for example).


So, like I said, wedding invite, okay, maybe they're just being Bridezilla/ Groomzilla and I'll ignore. But Christmas cards? Every year? That's just weird and makes me wonder if our friends (or at least the wife, whose handwriting is on the envelopes) has been infected with one of the more rabid "man is the head of the house as God is the head of the church" religions that are far too common around here. They've moved a couple hundred miles away, so it could have happened without my knowing.


MPH, I have no reasonable explanation for the "first mane," so I'm going with your interpretation. :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: gaja on April 26, 2017, 04:30:39 PM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.

As someone whose mom kept her maiden name and who plans to do the same, I don't love it, but I do know it's an old-timey tradition. From back when your identity of a married woman was completely dependent on that of her husband. And as such, Mrs. Ronald Biddleton (or whatever) was a totally legit descriptor of who you were, I guess (I'm no linguist, I don't actually know the history of the custom). Like I said, don't love it, and it would put me off from a business, etc mailing that I would expect to be more contemporary, but I would understand it from grandma...I'll probably do similarly uncouth old-timey things when I'm grandma-aged, thinking the newfangled way is just society slipping slowly over the precipice into the next dark ages.

Kind of makes me think of when we went to India and no one would talk to me, just my bf. I was like a ghost. Then I mentioned to a friend and she explained it was the polite thing to do there; locals would take it amiss if a man were to speak directly to a woman in the company of a man. The feminist part of me was still a bit ragey but more at the cultural attitude toward women, rather than the individuals (who are just behaving as politely/appropriately as they know how). As a barbaric westerner, though, I refused to STFU even knowing this.

In the UK and similar places: yes. In the Nordic countries, it was just something that became fashionable in the 1950s, and then went out of fashion again in the 70s. The traditional way here was either that both took the name of the farm they were living on, or that they used patro- or matronyms (Peterson, Petersdaughter). Often they used the two in combination: my grandfather came from a village where everyone has the same last name. To separate the farms and families, they use "Peter Peterson Village", or "Martha Oledaughter Village". Those people would be from the Peter farm and the Ole farm, respectively. The next village over, they were a bit more inventive: Their last names literally translate to "Upper farm", "Lower farm", "Eastern farm", etc.

With that as background: my FIL is the only one who has adressed me with DH's name. I don't know if it was the stunned silence, or if DH has a quiet talk with him, but it only happened once and he has later tried to re-wrap it as a joke.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on April 26, 2017, 05:10:41 PM
It's only a joke if everyone's laughing.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on May 02, 2017, 09:32:17 AM
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.


I get this sometimes from people young enough  to know better, like one set of friends. Their wedding invites were to us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast. Pissed me off. I have my own first mane, TYVM, and also I've never been a Mrs. of any sort, with any name, as I had a PhD when we married and use Dr. socially as well as professionally.


But okay, maybe let that slide once because wedding invites are tradition-bound anyway. But this couple, still under 30? Every year a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast. Now, I don't keep Christmas cards, but theirs? Trashed without opening, right in the post office.

I have an excel file with all the addresses, etc, and I do a mail merge every year for Christmas cards. I have "David and Mary Doe", or sometimes "Mary and David Doe", not "Mr and Mrs David Doe". But if you don't like it or it's wrong, unless I change the excel file it's that way year after year. No one has complained about the names at least.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: nnls on May 11, 2017, 04:29:55 PM
From Dear Prudence (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/05/dear_prudence_is_birthday_spanking_still_a_thing.html)

Quote
I recently got a pretty good job and I live with my fiancťe, who also makes a good amount of money. Weíre living a pretty comfortable middle-class life. Many of my friends are still in school or not in career-type jobs. Several times itís come up that I propose an outing or activity and they come up with something cheaper. Is it rude for me to insist for things like going out to a restaurant for brunch if they want to stay in and make food? Itís a nicer atmosphere and I think more fun not to have to do dishes afterward. Is it unfair for me to ask them to spend a little money?


Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on May 12, 2017, 08:47:45 AM
From Dear Prudence (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/05/dear_prudence_is_birthday_spanking_still_a_thing.html)

Quote
I recently got a pretty good job and I live with my fiancťe, who also makes a good amount of money. Weíre living a pretty comfortable middle-class life. Many of my friends are still in school or not in career-type jobs. Several times itís come up that I propose an outing or activity and they come up with something cheaper. Is it rude for me to insist for things like going out to a restaurant for brunch if they want to stay in and make food? Itís a nicer atmosphere and I think more fun not to have to do dishes afterward. Is it unfair for me to ask them to spend a little money?

Oy vey. Sure, it's okay for you to ask. But it's okay for them to say no and probably stop inviting you to things, too.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on July 05, 2017, 11:21:42 AM
Another AAM Gem - CEO's wife ruined my job prospects. (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/ceos-wife-ruined-my-job-prospects.html)

Because when you're a rude jerk, it's everyone else's fault.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Laura33 on July 05, 2017, 01:42:20 PM
Another AAM Gem - CEO's wife ruined my job prospects. (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/ceos-wife-ruined-my-job-prospects.html)

Because when you're a rude jerk, it's everyone else's fault.

Wow.  Something tells me this guy didn't lose the job because he pissed off the CEO's wife, but instead because he behaved similarly to others in the office (i.e., those he considered "beneath him").  Like they say, beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on July 05, 2017, 02:08:46 PM
Not sure it is a guy in the story.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: SwordGuy on July 05, 2017, 03:08:57 PM

MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE.

My name has an 'a' at the end, which makes it 3 syllables, not 2.  So does my SIL's name (different than mine though.)   For 38 years, my MIL has called me by the wrong name.  Although not much different than my name, it IS different.  I do not like this 2 syllable name!   She knows that.   My parents took a lot of time and thought naming me, and I rather like my name.  For 35 years, MIL has also called my SIL a short form of her name that she absolutely hates.   MIL has a Czech name that is tricky to spell, and unusual to pronounce.  And yet, SIL and I both have mastered HER name.   She wonders why her relationships with her children's spouses are not good.  (it's not just about the names, but holy hell, our names are not difficult!)

Just spent the weekend with my MIL.  44 YEARS and she still hasn't bothered to learn how to say her grand-daughter's name yet.

She is making progress, though.   She commented on how nice her grand-daughter is and how her grand-daughter had never given her a hug before.    That particular conversation ended abruptly when my lovely bride pointed out that MIL had never actually spoken to her before this visit...

Thank God I'm home.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: afuera on July 05, 2017, 03:50:30 PM
I had forgotten about this thread! P2F!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on July 13, 2017, 11:26:31 AM
There's an update (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/update-ceos-wife-ruined-my-job-prospects.html#comment-1558484) to the "CEO's Wife" AAM post, and... well, I'll be honest, it was just what I was expecting.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Frankies Girl on July 13, 2017, 11:51:04 AM
There's an update (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/update-ceos-wife-ruined-my-job-prospects.html#comment-1558484) to the "CEO's Wife" AAM post, and... well, I'll be honest, it was just what I was expecting.

Holy Shit.

This person is so amazingly out of touch. They needed to be TOLD to be polite to receptionists/janitors/security guards? Wow.

Love how they interject that all levels of social classes - not just the pleebs, but also her/his hoity-toity level - use the subway system! Imagine!

And of course OP was too impatient to wait to see if anyone else outside their narrow-worldview social circle might have a differing opinion on what they should do - and went ahead and complained to the HR people AND is leaving a comment on the website... breath-takingly entitled.

I'll bet that company is quite relieved to have dodged that bullet.

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on July 13, 2017, 12:04:24 PM
Quote
I wish I had been told the receptionist/janitor/security guard story by career services at my university, which is one of those prestigious English ones. (Note from Alison: This is a reference to advice that you should be polite to receptionists/janitors/security guards when interviewing.) We get a lot of tips about how to write our resume and cover letter and how we should conduct ourselves during interviews, but not this type of real life recommendation.

Wow.  That almost sounds sociopathic.  Paraphrasing, "I would start being nice to people if I knew it would affect my promotion possibilities!"  So there's noooo other reason that comes to mind for being a decent human being?  Really?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on July 13, 2017, 12:14:38 PM
There's an update (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/update-ceos-wife-ruined-my-job-prospects.html#comment-1558484) to the "CEO's Wife" AAM post, and... well, I'll be honest, it was just what I was expecting.

Oh man. What does it say about a person that they wish someone had told them that being an ass to others reflects poorly on them...?

Btw thanks for the "upvote" on the other thread, and I did watch the John Oliver bit and it was great :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on July 13, 2017, 12:49:32 PM
Btw thanks for the "upvote" on the other thread, and I did watch the John Oliver bit and it was great :)

:D
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Zamboni on July 13, 2017, 01:48:40 PM
Lol, yep, still someone else's fault he (or she) didn't get the job . . . just now the career services people are also to be blamed for not providing the necessary "don't be an asshole" unit of the curriculum.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on July 13, 2017, 02:55:16 PM
Lol, yep, still someone else's fault he (or she) didn't get the job . . . just now the career services people are also to be blamed for not providing the necessary "don't be an asshole" unit of the curriculum.

You know, you might be on to something. Except we need it every year, K-12. Since apparently parents aren't teaching it at home anymore.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: bridget on July 13, 2017, 03:49:33 PM
Quote
I wish I had been told the receptionist/janitor/security guard story by career services at my university, which is one of those prestigious English ones. (Note from Alison: This is a reference to advice that you should be polite to receptionists/janitors/security guards when interviewing.) We get a lot of tips about how to write our resume and cover letter and how we should conduct ourselves during interviews, but not this type of real life recommendation.

Wow.  That almost sounds sociopathic.  Paraphrasing, "I would start being nice to people if I knew it would affect my promotion possibilities!"  So there's noooo other reason that comes to mind for being a decent human being?  Really?

In addition to the OP seeming like a jerk, he also came across as being rather stupid and unimaginative.  If you're going to be a boor, you might as well be intelligent enough to foresee that people might not like it and therefore be nice to people for self-serving reasons.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on July 14, 2017, 04:41:18 AM
Lol, yep, still someone else's fault he (or she) didn't get the job . . . just now the career services people are also to be blamed for not providing the necessary "don't be an asshole" unit of the curriculum.
You know, you might be on to something. Except we need it every year, K-12. Since apparently parents aren't teaching it at home anymore.

I can't speak for all UK universities but I've been reminded of the need to be polite, especially when interviewing, many a time. All those times I thought "do people actually need to be told this?" and now I know!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on July 14, 2017, 07:26:46 AM
Lol, yep, still someone else's fault he (or she) didn't get the job . . . just now the career services people are also to be blamed for not providing the necessary "don't be an asshole" unit of the curriculum.
You know, you might be on to something. Except we need it every year, K-12. Since apparently parents aren't teaching it at home anymore.

I can't speak for all UK universities but I've been reminded of the need to be polite, especially when interviewing, many a time. All those times I thought "do people actually need to be told this?" and now I know!

Yes but was it a prestigious one like the OPs?

Someone in the comments raised a good point/question and thought that the OP was a foreign exchange student where there are strict class differences and talking/being polite to those "beneath" you is Not A Thing. It's not an excuse, since OP clearly plans on working and living in a different culture, but it could be a reason.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on July 14, 2017, 09:05:53 AM
Quote
I wish I had been told the receptionist/janitor/security guard story by career services at my university, which is one of those prestigious English ones. (Note from Alison: This is a reference to advice that you should be polite to receptionists/janitors/security guards when interviewing.) We get a lot of tips about how to write our resume and cover letter and how we should conduct ourselves during interviews, but not this type of real life recommendation.

Wow.  That almost sounds sociopathic.  Paraphrasing, "I would start being nice to people if I knew it would affect my promotion possibilities!"  So there's noooo other reason that comes to mind for being a decent human being?  Really?

In addition to the OP seeming like a jerk, he also came across as being rather stupid and unimaginative.  If you're going to be a boor, you might as well be intelligent enough to foresee that people might not like it and therefore be nice to people for self-serving reasons.
Sometimes I question my motives when I do something selfless or empathetic, there's definitely selfish benefits to it. 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Friar on July 14, 2017, 10:46:57 AM
Posting to follow :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Laura33 on July 14, 2017, 12:58:47 PM
There's an update (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/update-ceos-wife-ruined-my-job-prospects.html#comment-1558484) to the "CEO's Wife" AAM post, and... well, I'll be honest, it was just what I was expecting.

Holy Shit.

This person is so amazingly out of touch. They needed to be TOLD to be polite to receptionists/janitors/security guards? Wow.

Love how they interject that all levels of social classes - not just the pleebs, but also her/his hoity-toity level - use the subway system! Imagine!

And of course OP was too impatient to wait to see if anyone else outside their narrow-worldview social circle might have a differing opinion on what they should do - and went ahead and complained to the HR people AND is leaving a comment on the website... breath-takingly entitled.

I'll bet that company is quite relieved to have dodged that bullet.

If I were the company, I would be very, very tempted to respond thanking him for confirming our decision.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on July 16, 2017, 12:50:25 AM
Lol, yep, still someone else's fault he (or she) didn't get the job . . . just now the career services people are also to be blamed for not providing the necessary "don't be an asshole" unit of the curriculum.
You know, you might be on to something. Except we need it every year, K-12. Since apparently parents aren't teaching it at home anymore.
I can't speak for all UK universities but I've been reminded of the need to be polite, especially when interviewing, many a time. All those times I thought "do people actually need to be told this?" and now I know!

Yes but was it a prestigious one like the OPs?

Someone in the comments raised a good point/question and thought that the OP was a foreign exchange student where there are strict class differences and talking/being polite to those "beneath" you is Not A Thing. It's not an excuse, since OP clearly plans on working and living in a different culture, but it could be a reason.

If you consider Oxford a prestigious university then yes.

Of course, I don't go around bragging about it online like the OP because I try to limit the amount of time I spend being a smug arsehole (I'm taking a break in this post :-) ).

A reasonable person would struggle to spend three years (minimum for an undergraduate degree) in the UK and not have the opportunity to learn that being polite to people "beneath" you is typical behaviour. Depending on their background they could still have struggled to internalise it in a new situation.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on July 16, 2017, 12:55:23 AM
I'll bet that company is quite relieved to have dodged that bullet.
If I were the company, I would be very, very tempted to respond thanking him for confirming our decision.

I did the same thing when someone demanded to know why they hadn't been invited to my wedding. You haven't been invited because you are the kind of person who demands an invite to someone else's wedding, Jackass.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on July 16, 2017, 02:00:24 AM
Lol, yep, still someone else's fault he (or she) didn't get the job . . . just now the career services people are also to be blamed for not providing the necessary "don't be an asshole" unit of the curriculum.
You know, you might be on to something. Except we need it every year, K-12. Since apparently parents aren't teaching it at home anymore.
I can't speak for all UK universities but I've been reminded of the need to be polite, especially when interviewing, many a time. All those times I thought "do people actually need to be told this?" and now I know!

Yes but was it a prestigious one like the OPs?

Someone in the comments raised a good point/question and thought that the OP was a foreign exchange student where there are strict class differences and talking/being polite to those "beneath" you is Not A Thing. It's not an excuse, since OP clearly plans on working and living in a different culture, but it could be a reason.

If you consider Oxford a prestigious university then yes.

Of course, I don't go around bragging about it online like the OP because I try to limit the amount of time I spend being a smug arsehole (I'm taking a break in this post :-) ).

A reasonable person would struggle to spend three years (minimum for an undergraduate degree) in the UK and not have the opportunity to learn that being polite to people "beneath" you is typical behaviour. Depending on their background they could still have struggled to internalise it in a new situation.

Cambridge. Even more prestigious. :) They told us. (I know you were joking, Lis.)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: acepedro45 on July 17, 2017, 09:12:53 AM
Another AAM gem:

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/i-was-fired-after-disabling-my-coworkers-caps-lock-key-leaving-on-time-to-pick-up-my-dog-and-more.html

ďI, a teenage summer intern, discovered that my older, more experienced colleague was Guilty of Incorrect Typing. This woman was using the Caps Lock key instead of the twice-as-efficient Shift key. I repeatedly pointed out how wrong it was for her to be typing in this way, even demonstrating the potential efficiency gains. But she insisted that she would continue to type using the plodding, lethargic style she was comfortable with. 

ďDid I mention sheís only five years older than me? As most realize, there isnít much of a difference between a college sophomore and a young professional in her first job. Yet she was unwilling to accept correction from me, one of her peers.

ďI finally realized the best way to teach her would be to secretly disable the Caps Lock key on her computer. That way, she would have no choice but to join the twenty-first century and start using the Shift key like the rest of us. I knew she would thank me after the passage of enough time. 

ďSurprisingly, she became very angry with my secret efficiency initiative and complained to her manager. They had the nerve to fire me for my corrective initiative! When I complained to HR about the treatment, HR took the side of the Stone Age Caps Lock user. Groupthink I guess!"
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on July 17, 2017, 09:56:47 AM
Another AAM gem:

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/i-was-fired-after-disabling-my-coworkers-caps-lock-key-leaving-on-time-to-pick-up-my-dog-and-more.html

ďI, a teenage summer intern, discovered that my older, more experienced colleague was Guilty of Incorrect Typing. This woman was using the Caps Lock key instead of the twice-as-efficient Shift key. I repeatedly pointed out how wrong it was for her to be typing in this way, even demonstrating the potential efficiency gains. But she insisted that she would continue to type using the plodding, lethargic style she was comfortable with. 

ďDid I mention sheís only five years older than me? As most realize, there isnít much of a difference between a college sophomore and a young professional in her first job. Yet she was unwilling to accept correction from me, one of her peers.

ďI finally realized the best way to teach her would be to secretly disable the Caps Lock key on her computer. That way, she would have no choice but to join the twenty-first century and start using the Shift key like the rest of us. I knew she would thank me after the passage of enough time. 

ďSurprisingly, she became very angry with my secret efficiency initiative and complained to her manager. They had the nerve to fire me for my corrective initiative! When I complained to HR about the treatment, HR took the side of the Stone Age Caps Lock user. Groupthink I guess!"

Great find, and beautiful paraphrasing!  I wonder how the letter writer would have reacted to someone who types using just index fingers?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Warlord1986 on July 17, 2017, 11:02:16 AM
I'm having a very difficult time imagining what it must be like to care so much about how other people capitalize letters when they are typing. My imagination is not so well developed.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on July 17, 2017, 11:48:58 AM
I once corrected an error in someone's email signature ("effect" when they meant "affect") when I was applying for work experience when I was about nineteen. Nicely ("Just to let you know, I noticed...") but they sent a pretty sharp email back. I still got to do the work experience, but that ranks up there in "biggest regrets of my life". I spent the whole two weeks desperately hoping they wouldn't remember I was "that girl" from the email exchange six months before. I don't think they did and they seemed to like me, but I was dying inside. I was saw an entry-level job advertised when I graduated but I was still so humiliated I didn't apply.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on July 17, 2017, 12:34:17 PM
I once corrected an error in someone's email signature ("effect" when they meant "affect") when I was applying for work experience when I was about nineteen. Nicely ("Just to let you know, I noticed...") but they sent a pretty sharp email back. I still got to do the work experience, but that ranks up there in "biggest regrets of my life". I spent the whole two weeks desperately hoping they wouldn't remember I was "that girl" from the email exchange six months before. I don't think they did and they seemed to like me, but I was dying inside. I was saw an entry-level job advertised when I graduated but I was still so humiliated I didn't apply.

That sounds like their problem more than yours. If no one ever points out (obviously minor) error in your resume, signature block, etc, how will you know? Who cares if it was an applicant rather than a superior, if they were right? Maybe it wasn't 100% your place to point it out, but it was also 100% silly of them to react negatively when you were obviously trying to be helpful.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on July 17, 2017, 01:30:58 PM
I once corrected an error in someone's email signature ("effect" when they meant "affect") when I was applying for work experience when I was about nineteen. Nicely ("Just to let you know, I noticed...") but they sent a pretty sharp email back. I still got to do the work experience, but that ranks up there in "biggest regrets of my life". I spent the whole two weeks desperately hoping they wouldn't remember I was "that girl" from the email exchange six months before. I don't think they did and they seemed to like me, but I was dying inside. I was saw an entry-level job advertised when I graduated but I was still so humiliated I didn't apply.

That sounds like their problem more than yours. If no one ever points out (obviously minor) error in your resume, signature block, etc, how will you know? Who cares if it was an applicant rather than a superior, if they were right? Maybe it wasn't 100% your place to point it out, but it was also 100% silly of them to react negatively when you were obviously trying to be helpful.

+1.   A one-time error should be ignored, but something consistent that will affect others' perceptions should be pointed out delicately.  After we changed our email signature layout at OldJob, I actually had to tell our IT guy that he had misspelled his own first name, haha.  (No, he doesn't have an uncommon spelling.  I had seen him write it before; this was just a typo.)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on July 18, 2017, 06:54:34 AM
I once corrected an error in someone's email signature ("effect" when they meant "affect") when I was applying for work experience when I was about nineteen. Nicely ("Just to let you know, I noticed...") but they sent a pretty sharp email back. I still got to do the work experience, but that ranks up there in "biggest regrets of my life". I spent the whole two weeks desperately hoping they wouldn't remember I was "that girl" from the email exchange six months before. I don't think they did and they seemed to like me, but I was dying inside. I was saw an entry-level job advertised when I graduated but I was still so humiliated I didn't apply.

That sounds like their problem more than yours. If no one ever points out (obviously minor) error in your resume, signature block, etc, how will you know? Who cares if it was an applicant rather than a superior, if they were right? Maybe it wasn't 100% your place to point it out, but it was also 100% silly of them to react negatively when you were obviously trying to be helpful.

+1.   A one-time error should be ignored, but something consistent that will affect others' perceptions should be pointed out delicately.  After we changed our email signature layout at OldJob, I actually had to tell our IT guy that he had misspelled his own first name, haha.  (No, he doesn't have an uncommon spelling.  I had seen him write it before; this was just a typo.)

It was a while ago so I don't remember what I wrote, but I was eighteen and while I'm sure it felt like I was trying to be helpful there was a fair chance I was in fact being a sanctimonious butthead.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on July 18, 2017, 07:30:07 AM
I once corrected an error in someone's email signature ("effect" when they meant "affect") when I was applying for work experience when I was about nineteen. Nicely ("Just to let you know, I noticed...") but they sent a pretty sharp email back. I still got to do the work experience, but that ranks up there in "biggest regrets of my life". I spent the whole two weeks desperately hoping they wouldn't remember I was "that girl" from the email exchange six months before. I don't think they did and they seemed to like me, but I was dying inside. I was saw an entry-level job advertised when I graduated but I was still so humiliated I didn't apply.

That sounds like their problem more than yours. If no one ever points out (obviously minor) error in your resume, signature block, etc, how will you know? Who cares if it was an applicant rather than a superior, if they were right? Maybe it wasn't 100% your place to point it out, but it was also 100% silly of them to react negatively when you were obviously trying to be helpful.

+1.   A one-time error should be ignored, but something consistent that will affect others' perceptions should be pointed out delicately.  After we changed our email signature layout at OldJob, I actually had to tell our IT guy that he had misspelled his own first name, haha.  (No, he doesn't have an uncommon spelling.  I had seen him write it before; this was just a typo.)

It was a while ago so I don't remember what I wrote, but I was eighteen and while I'm sure it felt like I was trying to be helpful there was a fair chance I was in fact being a sanctimonious butthead.

I was definitely that overeager young new coworker who could fix everything! Why do it this way, when that way would be more efficient? Did you know you could do this and it would make everything easier? Thankfully *most* of my coworkers laughed it off and helped me settle into a functioning, mostly helpful young employee who eventually realized that not everything needed to be 'fixed' and that things were done a certain way for reasons I may not understand yet as a new person. Four years in and I still blush at some of the suggestions I made. (One of my coworkers *hates* me and I've never been able to figure out why, which affected me when I was on her team, but now that I'm off it's more funny than hurtful (except when I have to work with her, then it's just a nightmare.))
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on July 18, 2017, 11:58:29 AM
I once corrected an error in someone's email signature ("effect" when they meant "affect") when I was applying for work experience when I was about nineteen. Nicely ("Just to let you know, I noticed...") but they sent a pretty sharp email back. I still got to do the work experience, but that ranks up there in "biggest regrets of my life". I spent the whole two weeks desperately hoping they wouldn't remember I was "that girl" from the email exchange six months before. I don't think they did and they seemed to like me, but I was dying inside. I was saw an entry-level job advertised when I graduated but I was still so humiliated I didn't apply.

That sounds like their problem more than yours. If no one ever points out (obviously minor) error in your resume, signature block, etc, how will you know? Who cares if it was an applicant rather than a superior, if they were right? Maybe it wasn't 100% your place to point it out, but it was also 100% silly of them to react negatively when you were obviously trying to be helpful.

+1.   A one-time error should be ignored, but something consistent that will affect others' perceptions should be pointed out delicately.  After we changed our email signature layout at OldJob, I actually had to tell our IT guy that he had misspelled his own first name, haha.  (No, he doesn't have an uncommon spelling.  I had seen him write it before; this was just a typo.)

It was a while ago so I don't remember what I wrote, but I was eighteen and while I'm sure it felt like I was trying to be helpful there was a fair chance I was in fact being a sanctimonious butthead.

To be fair, I think most teenagers are sanctimonious buttheads. The key is growing out of it.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on July 18, 2017, 03:11:49 PM
Cambridge. Even more prestigious. :) They told us. (I know you were joking, Lis.)

Bother, Top Trumped at fancy universities. I heard Lis's joke too, I was attempting funny in return but maybe it missed? [The other smug arsehole was the AAM OP]
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on July 22, 2017, 10:42:01 PM
I just ran into this older Ask A Manager post:
can I expose this terrible interviewer? (http://www.askamanager.org/2013/06/can-i-expose-this-terrible-interviewer.html)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on July 22, 2017, 11:40:42 PM
I just ran into this older Ask A Manager post:
can I expose this terrible interviewer? (http://www.askamanager.org/2013/06/can-i-expose-this-terrible-interviewer.html)

My favourite line: "Clearly, he is the one with the problem".
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on July 23, 2017, 02:00:34 AM
I just ran into this older Ask A Manager post:
can I expose this terrible interviewer? (http://www.askamanager.org/2013/06/can-i-expose-this-terrible-interviewer.html)

My favourite line: "Clearly, he is the one with the problem".

Ick, that job applicant has such a nightmare personality!

And then, in case you missed it in the comments section, Ask A Manager actually ended up banning the OP for a week!  "The letter-writer became hostile and angry enough that I ultimately ended up banning him from further commenting here for a week."
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on July 23, 2017, 08:56:05 AM
I just ran into this older Ask A Manager post:
can I expose this terrible interviewer? (http://www.askamanager.org/2013/06/can-i-expose-this-terrible-interviewer.html)

My favourite line: "Clearly, he is the one with the problem".

Ick, that job applicant has such a nightmare personality!

And then, in case you missed it in the comments section, Ask A Manager actually ended up banning the OP for a week!  "The letter-writer became hostile and angry enough that I ultimately ended up banning him from further commenting here for a week."

Well Ask A Manager clearly has an attitude problem too. Maybe she needs some training in people skills. /s
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Vindicated on July 24, 2017, 09:13:41 AM
Found this after digging into threads off of the last link:

http://www.askamanager.org/2013/10/being-intentionally-late-to-an-interview-as-a-strategy.html (http://www.askamanager.org/2013/10/being-intentionally-late-to-an-interview-as-a-strategy.html)

Arriving late to interviews on purpose?!?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on July 24, 2017, 11:37:00 AM
I just ran into this older Ask A Manager post:
can I expose this terrible interviewer? (http://www.askamanager.org/2013/06/can-i-expose-this-terrible-interviewer.html)

My favourite line: "Clearly, he is the one with the problem".

Ick, that job applicant has such a nightmare personality!

And then, in case you missed it in the comments section, Ask A Manager actually ended up banning the OP for a week!  "The letter-writer became hostile and angry enough that I ultimately ended up banning him from further commenting here for a week."

I think they both have nightmare personalities, and possibly deserved each other. The interviewer reminds me of a number of professors I've met who mistake being difficult (on a personality level) for challenging the candidate (on an intellectual level). I also totally believe a person like that would eyeroll/grumble at any mention of ethics. On the other hand, the candidate totally comes off as entitled and high-maintenance (as do people who write similar restaurant reviews...)

An experience that comes to mind is, at my first-ever poster session (at an undergrad research symposium) one of our judges got bored a whopping 10 seconds after we started our 2-3 minute presentation/spiel, interrupted, asked about something in our results as we were barely finishing our introduction, got confused (because we had skipped half of the presentation!), we backtracked to clarify, he kept interrupting and asking questions about other parts of the poster...and in the end he had the gall to say our presentation was "disorganized" or "disjointed" or something. VERY frustrating experience. Interviewer reminded me of him.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Warlord1986 on July 24, 2017, 12:32:35 PM
Found this after digging into threads off of the last link:

http://www.askamanager.org/2013/10/being-intentionally-late-to-an-interview-as-a-strategy.html (http://www.askamanager.org/2013/10/being-intentionally-late-to-an-interview-as-a-strategy.html)

Arriving late to interviews on purpose?!?

That's actually a repost of a 2009 letter. The OP responded to the comments in 2009 and s(he) is exactly what you'd expect.

http://www.askamanager.org/2009/08/being-intentionally-late-to-interview.html

My favorite part is when s(he) comments that people don't value personal integrity.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: aetherie on July 25, 2017, 11:18:13 AM
Since this thread seems to have become 100% Ask A Manager, here's a gem from today:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html

Make sure to read the OP's elaboration in the comments:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1572938
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dollar Slice on July 25, 2017, 11:32:25 AM
Make sure to read the OP's elaboration in the comments:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1572938

:-O  Yikes!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on July 25, 2017, 11:40:39 AM
Make sure to read the OP's elaboration in the comments:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1572938

:-O  Yikes!

Double yikes - this "manager" is horrid. I hope HR pays attention (HAHAHA! who am I kidding!)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MonkeyJenga on July 25, 2017, 11:49:19 AM
Since this thread seems to have become 100% Ask A Manager, here's a gem from today:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html

Make sure to read the OP's elaboration in the comments:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1572938

I took a training course on workplace harassment about one hour ago, and damn, does this person need one of those. Textbook case. I hope it's fake. I was a first-time manager around 27/28 and I was never that oblivious and vindictive.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Vindicated on July 25, 2017, 11:52:01 AM
I scrolled down through the comments to find that she's also talking about how she's "better educated" than the employee who left, because she has an MBA...

Wow.  This is a(n) good awful one.

Edited he to she.  Allison mentioned in the comments that OP is a female, not a male, based on the e-mail address used.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Laura33 on July 25, 2017, 12:14:04 PM
Make sure to read the OP's elaboration in the comments:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1572938

:-O  Yikes!

Double yikes - this "manager" is horrid. I hope HR pays attention (HAHAHA! who am I kidding!)

The only good thing the letter writer wrote is her admission in the comments that HR put her on suspension pending investigation.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on July 25, 2017, 12:33:33 PM
Make sure to read the OP's elaboration in the comments:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1572938

:-O  Yikes!

Double yikes - this "manager" is horrid. I hope HR pays attention (HAHAHA! who am I kidding!)

The only good thing the letter writer wrote is her admission in the comments that HR put her on suspension pending investigation.

FFS... I read this this morning and thought, ok, this manager is at the very least asking for advice. The letter definitely read "tell me I'm right" but maybe there's a small chance they're willing to hear they're wrong. I read a lot of the comments and (like usual) appreciated the insight to most of the commentators, but I missed the letter writer's response, and all I could think of was, "are you fucking kidding me??"
- Your team was behaving in an extremely hostile, bullying, unprofessional, and overall shitty way. They a) took pictures of another employee and b) posted it to social media and c) made fun "of her weight, her clothes/style, how much water she drank etc." HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM.
- Someone saw it and found it not funny and complained to HR (RIGHTLY FUCKING SO). Yet you want to penalize them. First of all, no. Second of all, there are usually whistleblower rules protecting this person. Third, you're a fucking idiot.
- "If I knew she would have been like this, I would have pushed back on my director not to hire her in favor for someone younger but she had a fantastic background that wowed my higher ups." What the actual fuck. Translated from douchebag: "If I knew she would have cramped our style and prevented us from having our dudebro fun by day drinking and participating in general assholery, I would have had a temper tantrum at my boss, but because she actually knew how to do her job and would probably make us do our jobs, my boss hired her anyway."

You're the reason millennials in the work place get a bad rep, asshat.

Edited to add: oh wait, out of all the comments the LW could have responded to, they made a comment regarding how they're so much better educated because they have an MBA versus just the Bachelors in public policy the colleague who left had.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Laura33 on July 25, 2017, 12:43:00 PM
You're the reason millennials in the work place get a bad rep, asshat.

But . . . but . . . she had an MBA, and the old-fart fun-killer only had a Bachelors!  So she *must* be right!  Right?  Right??
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on July 25, 2017, 01:17:33 PM
Well, I was just reading this thread, then saw this on FB. I think it qualifies.

http://www.boredpanda.com/mom-breast-milk-brownies-school-bake-sale/?utm_source=CB20&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=SAW
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on July 25, 2017, 01:33:57 PM
You're the reason millennials in the work place get a bad rep, asshat.

But . . . but . . . she had an MBA, and the old-fart fun-killer only had a Bachelors!  So she *must* be right!  Right?  Right??
Which probably means the one with the Bachelors probably has double or triple the amount of experience the MBA has in the real world.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MonkeyJenga on July 25, 2017, 02:18:05 PM
Make sure to read the OP's elaboration in the comments:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1572938

:-O  Yikes!

Double yikes - this "manager" is horrid. I hope HR pays attention (HAHAHA! who am I kidding!)

The only good thing the letter writer wrote is her admission in the comments that HR put her on suspension pending investigation.

FFS... I read this this morning and thought, ok, this manager is at the very least asking for advice. The letter definitely read "tell me I'm right" but maybe there's a small chance they're willing to hear they're wrong. I read a lot of the comments and (like usual) appreciated the insight to most of the commentators, but I missed the letter writer's response, and all I could think of was, "are you fucking kidding me??"
- Your team was behaving in an extremely hostile, bullying, unprofessional, and overall shitty way. They a) took pictures of another employee and b) posted it to social media and c) made fun "of her weight, her clothes/style, how much water she drank etc." HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM.
- Someone saw it and found it not funny and complained to HR (RIGHTLY FUCKING SO). Yet you want to penalize them. First of all, no. Second of all, there are usually whistleblower rules protecting this person. Third, you're a fucking idiot.
- "If I knew she would have been like this, I would have pushed back on my director not to hire her in favor for someone younger but she had a fantastic background that wowed my higher ups." What the actual fuck. Translated from douchebag: "If I knew she would have cramped our style and prevented us from having our dudebro fun by day drinking and participating in general assholery, I would have had a temper tantrum at my boss, but because she actually knew how to do her job and would probably make us do our jobs, my boss hired her anyway."

You're the reason millennials in the work place get a bad rep, asshat.

There are assholes and shitty workplace cultures at all ages. Yet when a young person does something, it's because they're a millennial? Don't judge an entire generation based on ask a manager anecdotes.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on July 25, 2017, 03:30:35 PM
Not sure how I managed to double post myself when I tried to edit? Oops. Sorry folks, I'll try and fix.

There are assholes and shitty workplace cultures at all ages. Yet when a young person does something, it's because they're a millennial? Don't judge an entire generation based on ask a manager anecdotes.

Sorry, rage didn't make me eloquent. For the record, I'm a millennial who hates all the ridiculous stereotypes. There were a bunch of comments in the comment section discussing millennials, hence my focus on it. I absolutely agree that there are assholes in every age group, but extra attention is drawn to millennials when they do something - because they're entitled, spoiled, whatever term is thrown around to knock us down. So I let my frustration get the best of me because a) this person is a serious asshole and has no business being in a management position and b) it's further ammunition for millennial hate.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on July 25, 2017, 04:35:52 PM
Since this thread seems to have become 100% Ask A Manager, here's a gem from today:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html

Make sure to read the OP's elaboration in the comments:
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1572938

Well, I was just reading this thread, then saw this on FB. I think it qualifies.

http://www.boredpanda.com/mom-breast-milk-brownies-school-bake-sale/?utm_source=CB20&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=SAW

OMG, two AMAZING contributions to this thread today!  Thank you, aetherie and Sibley!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: HappierAtHome on July 25, 2017, 05:58:02 PM
Well, I was just reading this thread, then saw this on FB. I think it qualifies.

http://www.boredpanda.com/mom-breast-milk-brownies-school-bake-sale/?utm_source=CB20&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=SAW

What the what!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MonkeyJenga on July 25, 2017, 06:12:38 PM
Not sure how I managed to double post myself when I tried to edit? Oops. Sorry folks, I'll try and fix.

There are assholes and shitty workplace cultures at all ages. Yet when a young person does something, it's because they're a millennial? Don't judge an entire generation based on ask a manager anecdotes.

Sorry, rage didn't make me eloquent. For the record, I'm a millennial who hates all the ridiculous stereotypes. There were a bunch of comments in the comment section discussing millennials, hence my focus on it. I absolutely agree that there are assholes in every age group, but extra attention is drawn to millennials when they do something - because they're entitled, spoiled, whatever term is thrown around to knock us down. So I let my frustration get the best of me because a) this person is a serious asshole and has no business being in a management position and b) it's further ammunition for millennial hate.

Gotcha.

And holy grossness at that breast milk brownie. She should stop giving moms a bad name. ;)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: rosaz on July 27, 2017, 06:59:09 PM
I love the juxtaposition between these awful Ask a Manager posts and the linked post in the sidebar "My boss's kid punched me in the groin".
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on July 28, 2017, 08:14:53 AM
This is a 3rd party OP doesn't see it, but the attitude of the driver in #1. Really wish that driver would write in.

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/my-coworker-caused-a-car-accident-and-i-dont-want-to-ride-with-her-taking-notes-at-a-job-interview-and-more.html
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Frankies Girl on July 28, 2017, 10:02:21 AM
The terrible manager from this link (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html) had other updates, just as asshole/clueless:

First, Alison suspended them after the "ha ha I'm so much smaaaarter than former worker (I've got an MBA)" comment for being clueless.

Then this:

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1573249
For those not wanting to click over:
Iím on a suspension pending investigation from work. I am extremely bitter that the person who turned in the SnapChats couldnt come to me firstÖ


Hooray for good HR people! This entitled jerk may actually face consequences for their stupid, stupid actions!!



Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: aetherie on July 28, 2017, 03:13:52 PM
The terrible manager from this link (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html) had other updates, just as asshole/clueless:

First, Alison suspended them after the "ha ha I'm so much smaaaarter than former worker (I've got an MBA)" comment for being clueless.

Then this:

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1573249
For those not wanting to click over:
Iím on a suspension pending investigation from work. I am extremely bitter that the person who turned in the SnapChats couldnt come to me firstÖ


Hooray for good HR people! This entitled jerk may actually face consequences for their stupid, stupid actions!!

And as of today's open thread, this entitled jerk has been fired.
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/open-thread-july-28-29-2017.html#comment-1578127
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on July 28, 2017, 03:28:41 PM
I wonder if getting her question published in "Ask a Manager" contributed to her firing. There was someone who had a possible hostile workplace or harassment or age discrimination case - and you sent in enough details to be identifiable, confirming some of the employee's complaints.....
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on July 31, 2017, 08:01:08 AM
The terrible manager from this link (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html) had other updates, just as asshole/clueless:

First, Alison suspended them after the "ha ha I'm so much smaaaarter than former worker (I've got an MBA)" comment for being clueless.

Then this:

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1573249
For those not wanting to click over:
Iím on a suspension pending investigation from work. I am extremely bitter that the person who turned in the SnapChats couldnt come to me firstÖ


Hooray for good HR people! This entitled jerk may actually face consequences for their stupid, stupid actions!!

And as of today's open thread, this entitled jerk has been fired.
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/open-thread-july-28-29-2017.html#comment-1578127

Oooh I missed the open thread bit. There's a lot of discussion as to whether or not the letter and OP are fake. The reactions of admitting you were suspended then fired don't seem very troll like, but at the same time I have a hard time believing someone with seemingly that level of cockiness, where the original letter was pretty much "tell me I'm right," would also admit to the suspension and firing.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BabyShark on July 31, 2017, 09:17:24 AM
The terrible manager from this link (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html) had other updates, just as asshole/clueless:

First, Alison suspended them after the "ha ha I'm so much smaaaarter than former worker (I've got an MBA)" comment for being clueless.

Then this:

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html#comment-1573249
For those not wanting to click over:
Iím on a suspension pending investigation from work. I am extremely bitter that the person who turned in the SnapChats couldnt come to me firstÖ


Hooray for good HR people! This entitled jerk may actually face consequences for their stupid, stupid actions!!

And as of today's open thread, this entitled jerk has been fired.
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/open-thread-july-28-29-2017.html#comment-1578127

Oooh I missed the open thread bit. There's a lot of discussion as to whether or not the letter and OP are fake. The reactions of admitting you were suspended then fired don't seem very troll like, but at the same time I have a hard time believing someone with seemingly that level of cockiness, where the original letter was pretty much "tell me I'm right," would also admit to the suspension and firing.

I really hope she posts the interactions.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on August 02, 2017, 12:12:08 PM
The update we've been waiting for is here! (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/update-is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: galliver on August 02, 2017, 12:21:30 PM
The update we've been waiting for is here! (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/update-is-the-work-environment-ive-created-on-my-team-too-exclusive.html)

OMG....this whole segment...

Quote
I had also downgraded  her end-of-year evaluation. I donít think she deserved the praise she received from the sales staff, my directorand client executives. Her work just wasnít that good to me. I thought if my team and I froze her out, she would leave. I called it un-managing.

My team found her quietness and her ability to develop sales presentations and connect with each client was very show-off-like. When she asked for help, we didnít take it seriously because we thought she acted like she knew everything and she was making us look bad by always going above and beyond for no reason.

How does one so lack self-awareness that they can write "all the staff senior to me liked this person's work and they acted in a professional, dedicated way and did a good job" and not start thinking, "hmm, maybe I'm the problem?"
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Warlord1986 on August 02, 2017, 12:30:56 PM
Holy. Shit.

This kind of childishness and lack of self-awareness is elementary-school level.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dollar Slice on August 02, 2017, 12:41:15 PM
Amazing. I hope after they fired the entire team (!) they re-hired the "quiet" ex-employee who the team disliked because of "her ability to develop sales presentations and connect with each client" and who received praise "from the sales staff, my director and client executives." If that's the worst thing this hateful manager can come up with, you know she must be incredible.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: pachnik on August 02, 2017, 12:54:12 PM
Yeah, this one was really amazing for being completely clueless! 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: fluffmuffin on August 02, 2017, 01:11:03 PM
Just finding this thread. That last manager--OMG.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on August 02, 2017, 01:43:37 PM
Quote
I thought that as Ask a Manager you would side with a manager.

ಠ_ಠ
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Noodle on August 02, 2017, 03:56:42 PM
I was getting more and more convinced that the writer of Ask A Manager was getting trolled, because it did not seem possible this person is real, but apparently so. Although as people were pointing out in the comments, where was this person's own manager? Someone this clueless should not have been able to fool her supervisors into thinking she was doing a good job...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Frankies Girl on August 02, 2017, 04:12:03 PM
There is no way this is a real, live person. No. I refuse to believe that someone this... out of touch with reality? Or social mores? I have no idea what... could exist, make it up to late 20s and be promoted to a management position and still think and act in this manner.

And the part where she wants to sue or somehow retaliate against this person for what they said in an exit interview and her company investigated and confirmed? Breathtaking and so very, very sad.

This has to be a joke. I'm gonna believe this is anyway.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on August 02, 2017, 04:29:30 PM
There is no way this is a real, live person. No. I refuse to believe that someone this... out of touch with reality? Or social mores? I have no idea what... could exist, make it up to late 20s and be promoted to a management position and still think and act in this manner.

I had a former manager in his 50s who:
- came into the office one weekend and took home all the office chairs (he genuinely thought this would be fine)
- regularly commented on my appearance, told me he preferred my hair out rather than up
- was so paranoid that if more than two of his staff got together for a meeting he insisted on sitting in to make sure they weren't planning to overthrow him
- spent tens of thousands of dollars on a 65" flat screen, tech, and art for the office despite knowing we were under review and facing a possible merger
- gradually replaced more than half our team with people from his previous team in another state
- told my team I was pregnant when I wanted to announce my resignation and let them know I had taken another job

Emotionally immature people exist, and some of them are managers.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 02, 2017, 05:12:29 PM
*snip*
I had a former manager in his 50s who:
[nutty stuff]
- told my team I was pregnant when I wanted to announce my resignation and let them know I had taken another job

Emotionally immature people exist, and some of them are managers.

And when your soon to-be-ex-coworkers asked you, you could put your hand over your navel and say solemnly "Yes.  And [manager] is the father."  (But not really.)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on August 03, 2017, 02:30:41 AM
No way. I still can't quite believe it. In the update thy basically said "She was too good for my team and made us look bad" and "Her work wasn't good enough and she didn't have enough experience" - um, wot?

My secret hope is that the original quiet employee reads it and writes in. I'm sure there is further awfulness the "manager" isn't letting us know. Is an AAM post admissible in court? Because here's hoping this idiot is prosecuted - seems like the only way it would get into their thick skull.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on August 03, 2017, 07:44:14 AM
There's a part of me that still smells troll in it all, but I can't figure out why. What's the purpose of trolling in this way? The original letter was very "tell me I'm right," and when the overwhelming response was "you are not right," I feel like a trolling response would have been "well my management says I was right, so there," and kind of sticking it to Alison and the regular commentators. Someone in the original comments suspected the LW might be a Baby Boomer/Gen X troll masquerading as a millennial manager that's so out of touch since the original letter included a lot of "I'm a millennial/we're all millennial" speak, which really isn't how millennials talk... but the updates don't reflect that as much either. I don't know. There's something still off about the letters and responses, but it may be my discomfort that there's someone out there who's just so out of touch with reality - not just a bad manager, but someone who is so incapable of listening to literally every source saying "you're in the wrong."
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Warlord1986 on August 03, 2017, 09:51:40 AM
I don't think it's a troll. I went to school with people like this. Most of them are (thankfully) in no position to ever manage anybody, but it's not impossible that someone like that could rise to a management position while continuing to be garbage.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: YogiKitti on August 09, 2017, 01:51:09 PM
Oh my goodness. The entire thing reads like she desperately wanted to be the cool person, so let the other people manipulate her actions under the guise of being a good manager. That explains why she listened to her subordinates and gave the ex employee work to them. Also, she didn't want the ex to be promoted before she was, so gave her awful reviews since there wasn't work to be done.

But really, how the heck does the team take frequent brewery trips on company time without it A) being known by the rest of the company, and B) even allowed?!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on August 15, 2017, 10:24:36 AM
From Ask A Manager today:

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-get-angry-when-my-coworkers-make-mistakes.html

So far at least, this one has hope.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on August 22, 2017, 10:04:48 AM
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

Dude abandoned the girlfriend he lived with after 3 years of being together by leaving the country without a word, and refers to her reaching out to his friends and family as being "emotional" and "obsessed".

Ex-girlfriend is now his boss, and due to circumstances he's very restricted in his job options.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on August 22, 2017, 11:00:47 AM
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

Dude abandoned the girlfriend he lived with after 3 years of being together by leaving the country without a word, and refers to her reaching out to his friends and family as being "emotional" and "obsessed".

Ex-girlfriend is now his boss, and due to circumstances he's very restricted in his job options.

"She caused a scene by reaching out to my family and friends!" Well... yeah, if I had been seriously dating someone for three years, living together for two, and I come home to an empty apartment with no note or anything, I'd be concerned and reach out to friends and family!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: pachnik on August 22, 2017, 11:22:48 AM
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

Dude abandoned the girlfriend he lived with after 3 years of being together by leaving the country without a word, and refers to her reaching out to his friends and family as being "emotional" and "obsessed".

Ex-girlfriend is now his boss, and due to circumstances he's very restricted in his job options.

Yeah, this one is amazing.  Slow morning at work so I read through the comments.  Karma can really be a bitch. 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Noodle on August 22, 2017, 11:26:19 AM
When I first read this one, I assumed it was a college-age study-abroad type relationship, where they had known each other a few months at best...which would still have made him kind of a jerk but left the situation salvageable.  Then when I got to the part about three YEARS, I was like...Oh...never mind. Start job-hunting.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: fluffmuffin on August 22, 2017, 11:29:16 AM
Yikes. I hope the OP is dusting off his resume...

Seriously though, what the hell is wrong with people??
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 26, 2017, 05:49:02 PM
I just ran into this old Ask a Manager letter from someone in college who doesn't respect 20 years experience of the higher-ups at his/her job (http://www.askamanager.org/2015/07/i-dont-respect-my-managers-college-degrees-from-20-years-ago.html) because their degrees aren't directly related to their current work.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: rosaz on August 29, 2017, 02:38:37 PM
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/08/dear_prudence_my_girlfriend_won_t_donate_to_harvey_victims_because_some.html

Towards the bottom: "Q. Bull in a china cupboard"
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on August 29, 2017, 03:09:24 PM
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/08/dear_prudence_my_girlfriend_won_t_donate_to_harvey_victims_because_some.html

Towards the bottom: "Q. Bull in a china cupboard"
Almost sounds like OP has OCD.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on August 29, 2017, 07:15:17 PM
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/08/dear_prudence_my_girlfriend_won_t_donate_to_harvey_victims_because_some.html

Towards the bottom: "Q. Bull in a china cupboard"
Almost sounds like OP has OCD.

Wow, what a rude thing to do to one's friend!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: calimom on August 29, 2017, 10:32:56 PM
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/08/dear_prudence_my_girlfriend_won_t_donate_to_harvey_victims_because_some.html

Towards the bottom: "Q. Bull in a china cupboard"
Almost sounds like OP has OCD.

Wow, what a rude thing to do to one's friend!

Rude and stupid! And thanks for veering this thread away from "Ask a Manager". I love Prudence, she tells it like it is.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on August 29, 2017, 11:44:49 PM
I know a couple of people that totally do this, and do not understand why you wouldn't be thankful. They have a total blind spot between "this is a pet peeve of mine" and "everyone should do what I do" right into "I will correct and lecture this failing in others". I can imagine Nancy sitting through the lecture of why she should put her (now broken) plates away one at a time IN ORDER TO KEEP THE NEATLY DOOR SHUT, thinking what kind of lunatic do I have in my house?

Quote
...At one point I noticed that sheíd left a cupboard door open, so I helpfully closed it. She then turned around with her arms full of plates, for some reason expected the cabinet door to be open, and clumsily dropped some of the dishes. I honestly thought she was done in that cupboard and helped her clean up the mess. I also suggested that next time she put things away one or two pieces at a time so that she could keep the doors neatly shut in between. Nancy never complained to me but must have told our friend ďPaulĒ because he told me that I owed Nancy an apology and should offer to pay for her broken dishware. I admit that open cabinets and drawers are a pet peeve of mine...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: fredbear on September 04, 2017, 08:38:00 PM
And as of today's open thread, this entitled jerk has been fired.
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/open-thread-july-28-29-2017.html#comment-1578127

That there exist clueless jerks, and that some of them are elevated to management: all this is in the nature of things.  Hence I can believe in the existence of the original poster.  But that anyone paid attention to an exit interview, that HR even acted upon it: this is mirabile dictu, a thing entirely beyond my experience, not much short of miraculous. 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: aetherie on September 06, 2017, 06:26:32 AM
From the latest Dear Prudence (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/09/dear_prudence_my_mother_in_law_says_she_s_psychic.html):

Quote
My 27-year-old daughter and her best friend, Katie, have been best friends since they were 4. Katie practically grew up in our house and is like a daughter to me. My daughter recently got engaged to her fiancť and announced that Katie would be the maid of honor (Katieís boyfriend is also a good friend of my future son-in-law). The problem is that Katie walks with a pretty severe limp due to a birth defect (not an underlying medical issue). She has no problem wearing high heels and has already been fitted for the dress, but I still think it will look unsightly if sheís in the wedding procession limping ahead of my daughter. I mentioned this to my daughter and suggested that maybe Katie could take video or hand out programs (while sitting) so she doesnít ruin the aesthetic aspect of the wedding. My daughter is no longer speaking to me (we were never that close), but this is her big wedding and I want it to be perfect. All of the other bridesmaids will look gorgeous walking down the aisle with my daughter. Is it wrong to have her friend sit out?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Frankies Girl on September 06, 2017, 06:29:18 AM
From the latest Dear Prudence (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/09/dear_prudence_my_mother_in_law_says_she_s_psychic.html):

Quote
My 27-year-old daughter and her best friend, Katie, have been best friends since they were 4. Katie practically grew up in our house and is like a daughter to me. My daughter recently got engaged to her fiancť and announced that Katie would be the maid of honor (Katieís boyfriend is also a good friend of my future son-in-law). The problem is that Katie walks with a pretty severe limp due to a birth defect (not an underlying medical issue). She has no problem wearing high heels and has already been fitted for the dress, but I still think it will look unsightly if sheís in the wedding procession limping ahead of my daughter. I mentioned this to my daughter and suggested that maybe Katie could take video or hand out programs (while sitting) so she doesnít ruin the aesthetic aspect of the wedding. My daughter is no longer speaking to me (we were never that close), but this is her big wedding and I want it to be perfect. All of the other bridesmaids will look gorgeous walking down the aisle with my daughter. Is it wrong to have her friend sit out?


Ohhh I just read that and came looking for this thread to see if anyone had seen that one yet.

I am A-MAZED at the level of cluelessness the writer has. They damned themselves with their own writing. Did they even read out what they wrote down before sending it off?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: farfromfire on September 06, 2017, 07:08:21 AM
From the latest Dear Prudence (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/09/dear_prudence_my_mother_in_law_says_she_s_psychic.html):

Quote
My 27-year-old daughter and her best friend, Katie, have been best friends since they were 4. Katie practically grew up in our house and is like a daughter to me. My daughter recently got engaged to her fiancť and announced that Katie would be the maid of honor (Katieís boyfriend is also a good friend of my future son-in-law). The problem is that Katie walks with a pretty severe limp due to a birth defect (not an underlying medical issue). She has no problem wearing high heels and has already been fitted for the dress, but I still think it will look unsightly if sheís in the wedding procession limping ahead of my daughter. I mentioned this to my daughter and suggested that maybe Katie could take video or hand out programs (while sitting) so she doesnít ruin the aesthetic aspect of the wedding. My daughter is no longer speaking to me (we were never that close), but this is her big wedding and I want it to be perfect. All of the other bridesmaids will look gorgeous walking down the aisle with my daughter. Is it wrong to have her friend sit out?
This must be fake, right?
Who the hell cares more about a wedding than about the people getting married? Jesus.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: markbike528CBX on September 06, 2017, 08:06:22 AM
This must be fake, right?
Who the hell cares more about a wedding than about the people getting married? Jesus.

Dear farfromfire,what nice people you must associate with.   Have you never heard of "Brides" magazine?

Self example: I've gone to a wedding mostly for the beer, and to see Bridezilla's parents and my friends since I live far out of town.


Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: farfromfire on September 06, 2017, 08:33:07 AM
This must be fake, right?
Who the hell cares more about a wedding than about the people getting married? Jesus.

Dear farfromfire,what nice people you must associate with.   Have you never heard of "Brides" magazine?

Self example: I've gone to a wedding mostly for the beer, and to see Bridezilla's parents and my friends since I live far out of town.
I guess so, and although I consider myself lucky to have never heard of that particular publication I will now have to check it out posthaste! To be fair I meant among those involved with organising/planning the wedding.

What a sad disconnect exists in the sentence "My daughter is no longer speaking to me (we were never that close), but this is her big wedding and I want it to be perfect". It's her wedding, but what matters is what I want.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: markbike528CBX on September 06, 2017, 09:07:58 AM
Who the hell cares more about a wedding than about the people getting married? Jesus.

I was going to dispute the fact that Jesus cares more about the wedding than the people, when I remembered that it is recorded that he turned the water in to wine.    Nowhere does it say that he blessed the marriage or the people involved :-)

Seen on a Google search:  "BRIDES is the leading authority in the bridal space for the woman who puts style first."   -- my italics.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on September 06, 2017, 01:02:20 PM
Who the hell cares more about a wedding than about the people getting married? Jesus.

I was going to dispute the fact that Jesus cares more about the wedding than the people, when I remembered that it is recorded that he turned the water in to wine.    Nowhere does it say that he blessed the marriage or the people involved :-)

Seen on a Google search:  "BRIDES is the leading authority in the bridal space for the woman who puts style first."   -- my italics.

Maybe you don't consider someone bringing gallons of awesome wine to your wedding a blessing to those involved, but I respectfully disagree.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: markbike528CBX on September 06, 2017, 01:27:32 PM
Who the hell cares more about a wedding than about the people getting married? Jesus.

I was going to dispute the fact that Jesus cares more about the wedding than the people, when I remembered that it is recorded that he turned the water into wine.    Nowhere does it say that he blessed the marriage or the people involved :-)

Seen on a Google search:  "BRIDES is the leading authority in the bridal space for the woman who puts style first."   -- my italics.

Maybe you don't consider someone bringing gallons of awesome wine to your wedding a blessing to those involved, but I respectfully disagree.
Touche'   I'm just not that big of a wine drinker.  If the drink was beer, than I might have thought differently.   I was mostly going with Sam Kinison's "Jesus the miracle caterer" theme.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on September 06, 2017, 05:20:01 PM
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person (http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person)

Great thread!

Ooh, ouch. Good one!
God I HATE this one I have such righteous digust for that sister and cousins
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on September 06, 2017, 07:48:03 PM
From the latest Dear Prudence (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/09/dear_prudence_my_mother_in_law_says_she_s_psychic.html):

Quote
My 27-year-old daughter and her best friend, Katie, have been best friends since they were 4. Katie practically grew up in our house and is like a daughter to me. My daughter recently got engaged to her fiancť and announced that Katie would be the maid of honor (Katieís boyfriend is also a good friend of my future son-in-law). The problem is that Katie walks with a pretty severe limp due to a birth defect (not an underlying medical issue). She has no problem wearing high heels and has already been fitted for the dress, but I still think it will look unsightly if sheís in the wedding procession limping ahead of my daughter. I mentioned this to my daughter and suggested that maybe Katie could take video or hand out programs (while sitting) so she doesnít ruin the aesthetic aspect of the wedding. My daughter is no longer speaking to me (we were never that close), but this is her big wedding and I want it to be perfect. All of the other bridesmaids will look gorgeous walking down the aisle with my daughter. Is it wrong to have her friend sit out?

(Bolding added.)   Sooooo OP seems to have missed that when one uses the expression "like a daughter to me," the implication is that one loves said daughter...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: YogiKitti on September 06, 2017, 09:25:48 PM
Quote
Sooooo OP seems to have missed that when one uses the expression "like a daughter to me," the implication is that one loves said daughter...

Like a daughter in that neither of them talk to her.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: calimom on September 06, 2017, 10:32:49 PM
And to be fair to the OP, if Katie actually was the OP's own daughter, she'd likely have hidden Katie in the attic when people came over so they wouldn't be all freaked out by how crippled and shit she was. Plus she would have bought her tap shoes for Christmas and then laughed. She's a great parent, obviously!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: rab-bit on September 06, 2017, 10:48:26 PM
This must be fake, right?
Who the hell cares more about a wedding than about the people getting married? Jesus.

Dear farfromfire,what nice people you must associate with.   Have you never heard of "Brides" magazine?

Self example: I've gone to a wedding mostly for the beer, and to see Bridezilla's parents and my friends since I live far out of town.

I guess so, and although I consider myself lucky to have never heard of that particular publication I will now have to check it out posthaste! To be fair I meant among those involved with organising/planning the wedding.

What a sad disconnect exists in the sentence "My daughter is no longer speaking to me (we were never that close), but this is her big wedding and I want it to be perfect". It's her wedding, but what matters is what I want.

Sometimes this can happen when the parents pay for the wedding. They may feel they have the right to dictate certain decisions, though in this case the mother of the bride is clearly clueless.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on September 18, 2017, 10:37:43 AM
OP isn't the one in the wrong, but appears to be ignoring a few things...
Ask a Manager - Did my intern frame my coworker for credit card theft? (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/did-my-intern-frame-my-coworker-for-credit-card-theft.html)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on September 18, 2017, 11:08:09 AM
OP isn't the one in the wrong, but appears to be ignoring a few things...
Ask a Manager - Did my intern frame my coworker for credit card theft? (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/did-my-intern-frame-my-coworker-for-credit-card-theft.html)

She goes to church! That means she must be innocent! (Forgetting the fact that she plead guilty to one thing already...)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on September 18, 2017, 11:16:40 AM
OP isn't the one in the wrong, but appears to be ignoring a few things...
Ask a Manager - Did my intern frame my coworker for credit card theft? (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/did-my-intern-frame-my-coworker-for-credit-card-theft.html)
I'm so confused.  Why are there concerns about the intern?  Because a thief accused her of lying?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on September 18, 2017, 01:40:08 PM
OP isn't the one in the wrong, but appears to be ignoring a few things...
Ask a Manager - Did my intern frame my coworker for credit card theft? (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/did-my-intern-frame-my-coworker-for-credit-card-theft.html)
I'm so confused.  Why are there concerns about the intern?  Because a thief accused her of lying?
As far as I can see, yes.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on September 18, 2017, 03:11:08 PM
OP isn't the one in the wrong, but appears to be ignoring a few things...
Ask a Manager - Did my intern frame my coworker for credit card theft? (http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/did-my-intern-frame-my-coworker-for-credit-card-theft.html)
I'm so confused.  Why are there concerns about the intern?  Because a thief accused her of lying?
As far as I can see, yes.

I made it through the comments. Consensus seems to be that the OP is irrationally siding with the thief because the thief is someone she's worked with for awhile and the intern isn't, and there are unspecified "other issues" with the intern.

I'm hoping for a follow-up where OP takes her spurious suspicions to management in an attempt to help her thieving friend and gets herself fired for poor judgment.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: rdaneel0 on September 18, 2017, 04:46:11 PM
PTF!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Rowellen on September 18, 2017, 06:38:45 PM
If the coworker did get framed by the intern, kudos to the intern for handing the coworker her due karma. What would happen for stealing a jacket? Naughty girl. Give it back. Go about your life as normal. Maybe a formal written warning from the employer. The police likely wouldn't have been involved. Add a bit of credit card fraud and is a whole other story. Lesson: don't mess with that intern.

I would still believe the intern over the coworker, church or not.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: lexde on September 18, 2017, 07:58:33 PM
I'm not sure if someone's already posted this, but....

the entirety of /r/bestoflegaladvice
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: marty998 on September 19, 2017, 04:10:11 AM
I'm not sure if someone's already posted this, but....

the entirety of /r/bestoflegaladvice

Haha... that is a lovely sub. I just clicked a couple at random - as always, the first comments are just as gold as the actual subject matter.

https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/70yv3c/guy_ran_into_our_recycling_bin_brick_we_were/

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/70nm87/germany_hamburg_got_scammed_by_prostitute_what/

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on September 26, 2017, 09:49:45 AM
Ask A Manger

Original: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html
Update: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/update-i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Samsam on September 27, 2017, 06:56:22 AM
Ask A Manger

Original: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html
Update: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/update-i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

that update! man it hurt to read.  "why did she have to go to the top?" ...um...weren't you the one that messaged HR??? Its all over from there.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on September 27, 2017, 08:14:42 AM
Ask A Manger

Original: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html
Update: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/update-i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

that update! man it hurt to read.  "why did she have to go to the top?" ...um...weren't you the one that messaged HR??? Its all over from there.

That was my EXACT reaction. *She* didn't go to the top, YOU DID. And he quotes her as saying "we can work together", which is the only thing he shares that she says. I don't want to assign her any motivations (since the commentariat did that at length in the original post), but maybe she was overwhelmed and that's why she didn't reply to the email? Maybe she wanted to have an in-person conversation?

You know what, bad things happen sometimes. Bad things happen to people who did nothing to deserve them. I'm having a hard time coming up with any sympathy at all for someone who behaved so badly and then is all "how can I fix this so that I suffer no consequences" when it catches up to him.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Samsam on September 27, 2017, 08:18:05 AM
Ask A Manger

Original: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html
Update: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/update-i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

that update! man it hurt to read.  "why did she have to go to the top?" ...um...weren't you the one that messaged HR??? Its all over from there.

That was my EXACT reaction. *She* didn't go to the top, YOU DID. And he quotes her as saying "we can work together", which is the only thing he shares that she says. I don't want to assign her any motivations (since the commentariat did that at length in the original post), but maybe she was overwhelmed and that's why she didn't reply to the email? Maybe she wanted to have an in-person conversation?

You know what, bad things happen sometimes. Bad things happen to people who did nothing to deserve them. I'm having a hard time coming up with any sympathy at all for someone who behaved so badly and then is all "how can I fix this so that I suffer no consequences" when it catches up to him.

Re-reading the first post too, I still cannot believe that a person thinks they can just get up and leave a relationship (ghosting??) without saying anything and NOT expect someone to think they are hurt or kidnapped or something.  How are they supposed to know you just felt like being eff it I'm leaving on a whim with no notice or say?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Laura33 on September 27, 2017, 09:08:50 AM
Ask A Manger

Original: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html
Update: http://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/update-i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

that update! man it hurt to read.  "why did she have to go to the top?" ...um...weren't you the one that messaged HR??? Its all over from there.

That was my EXACT reaction. *She* didn't go to the top, YOU DID. And he quotes her as saying "we can work together", which is the only thing he shares that she says. I don't want to assign her any motivations (since the commentariat did that at length in the original post), but maybe she was overwhelmed and that's why she didn't reply to the email? Maybe she wanted to have an in-person conversation?

You know what, bad things happen sometimes. Bad things happen to people who did nothing to deserve them. I'm having a hard time coming up with any sympathy at all for someone who behaved so badly and then is all "how can I fix this so that I suffer no consequences" when it catches up to him.

I think it is complete immaturity.  His immaturity convinced him that the best solution to an unhappy relationship was to ghost his longtime GF.  The same immaturity also convinced him that the ex-GF's and big-boss' actions were All About Him, and so since he didn't like them, that meant that they must have been designed to punish him -- when in reality, they were probably designed to protect both him and the company from a retaliation claim, given that the ex would have been his manager.*  And then for the trifecta, that same immaturity leads him to quit in a huff, despite having no job and no other means of support, and knowing that he's now going to have to make a major move to find a new position (the phrase "cutting off your nose to spite your face" springs to mind).  Idiot.

*Not to mention that those requirements didn't seem to me to be quite as inconceivable as he made them out to be -- no one was going to give him shit if he ran into her at the grocery store, just try to avoid each other in general, and when you can't, make sure there is a witness.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on September 27, 2017, 09:17:15 AM
I mean, who compliments, and then STEALS some poor intern's jacket from work? If you do that, do you just not wear the jacket to work (maybe just when going to church)?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on September 27, 2017, 12:47:56 PM
*Not to mention that those requirements didn't seem to me to be quite as inconceivable as he made them out to be -- no one was going to give him shit if he ran into her at the grocery store, just try to avoid each other in general, and when you can't, make sure there is a witness.

Especially when he says further up that his role and hers don't interact on a day-to-day basis. If I was required by my job to have someone else in the room when meeting with my grand-boss or great-grand-boss, that'd be a little weird, but almost entirely inconsequential because I have very little interaction with them anyway.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on September 28, 2017, 12:22:44 AM
The real "what a twerp" moments for me were when HE complained that SHE got someone else involved after he'd already emailed HR, and when he quit on the spot. I wouldn't love working under those restrictions either as it would stress me out that I might do something wrong, but I would suck it up while looking for a new job. Instead it's like he's complaining that she "made him" quit. Some of the commenters do really lay into him, but he's definitely an "only one who doesn't get it".
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on September 29, 2017, 07:08:50 AM
This thread (and Ask a Manager) is way too addicting
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on January 29, 2018, 12:41:33 PM
Resurrecting this because today's AAM post (http://www.askamanager.org/2018/01/i-paid-for-fake-references-is-it-rude-to-shush-someone-and-more.html) made me laugh (#3 specifically).

Everyone gets their birthday off (free vacation day) and a gift card to a local restaurant, but one employee, whose birthday is on 2/29, is being petty and selfish and she's not allowed to take any days off because she doesn't have a real birthday. Oh, and the grandboss agrees.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Samsam on January 29, 2018, 12:45:13 PM
Resurrecting this because today's AAM post (http://www.askamanager.org/2018/01/i-paid-for-fake-references-is-it-rude-to-shush-someone-and-more.html) made me laugh (#3 specifically).

Everyone gets their birthday off (free vacation day) and a gift card to a local restaurant, but one employee, whose birthday is on 2/29, is being petty and selfish and she's not allowed to take any days off because she doesn't have a real birthday. Oh, and the grandboss agrees.

I literally could not believe this entry!  Missing out on benefits all the other employees get, but shes the one being petty...smh!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Warlord1986 on January 29, 2018, 01:45:17 PM
I saw that. Here's hoping the birthday girl finds a new job soon. Her current workplace suuuuuuucks.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: ixtap on January 29, 2018, 05:08:58 PM
I saw that. Here's hoping the birthday girl finds a new job soon. Her current workplace suuuuuuucks.

Especially the bit where they could understand if it were a case of everyone singing Happy birthday, but since it is just a paid day off + a gift card, well, how petty...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on January 29, 2018, 08:44:08 PM
And the boss even makes a point of saying how anyone with a birthday on a weekend/holiday gets the next workday off!  So she is the ONLY ONE who can never get this day off!  I remember being in grade school and all of us 12-year-olds teasing one kid with a Feb. 29th birthday that they were only 3 now, but even as kids we were joking!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on January 30, 2018, 08:11:57 AM
And the boss even makes a point of saying how anyone with a birthday on a weekend/holiday gets the next workday off!  So she is the ONLY ONE who can never get this day off!  I remember being in grade school and all of us 12-year-olds teasing one kid with a Feb. 29th birthday that they were only 3 now, but even as kids we were joking!

My father was born on 2/29. I relished the fact that I was older than him.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Mississippi Mudstache on January 30, 2018, 10:34:37 AM
Resurrecting this because today's AAM post (http://www.askamanager.org/2018/01/i-paid-for-fake-references-is-it-rude-to-shush-someone-and-more.html) made me laugh (#3 specifically).

Everyone gets their birthday off (free vacation day) and a gift card to a local restaurant, but one employee, whose birthday is on 2/29, is being petty and selfish and she's not allowed to take any days off because she doesn't have a real birthday. Oh, and the grandboss agrees.

Does anyone else read these questions and just assume that it must be a troll? No one is really stupid enough to deny their employee basic job perks simply because of their birth date, then write to an advice columnist to ask for support of their stupidity...Right?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on January 30, 2018, 10:38:54 AM
And the boss even makes a point of saying how anyone with a birthday on a weekend/holiday gets the next workday off!  So she is the ONLY ONE who can never get this day off!  I remember being in grade school and all of us 12-year-olds teasing one kid with a Feb. 29th birthday that they were only 3 now, but even as kids we were joking!

My father was born on 2/29. I relished the fact that I was older than him.
Once upon a time, I was engaged to be married. Had the ring, the dress, the venue, the date: Feb. 29th. We thought we could get a lot of mileage out of choosing that date. Alas, things happened in the interim and I called it off. It still gives me a chuckle every time a Feb. 29th rolls around.

PS - I finally found my prince, and I'm pretty sure he found what he wanted in life, so it's all good.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: RetiredAt63 on January 30, 2018, 06:24:58 PM
Think of poor Frederic, apprenticed to pirates until his 21st birthday - and then when he is 21 he finds out his birthday was February 29 and his apprenticeship has many more years to go.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Rowellen on January 30, 2018, 08:13:20 PM
Resurrecting this because today's AAM post (http://www.askamanager.org/2018/01/i-paid-for-fake-references-is-it-rude-to-shush-someone-and-more.html) made me laugh (#3 specifically).

Everyone gets their birthday off (free vacation day) and a gift card to a local restaurant, but one employee, whose birthday is on 2/29, is being petty and selfish and she's not allowed to take any days off because she doesn't have a real birthday. Oh, and the grandboss agrees.

Does anyone else read these questions and just assume that it must be a troll? No one is really stupid enough to deny their employee basic job perks simply because of their birth date, then write to an advice columnist to ask for support of their stupidity...Right?

It did cross my mind that it might be fake. However I have met more than one person who would rather shoot themself in the foot before admitting to being wrong or making a mistake.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: cl_noll on January 31, 2018, 12:28:01 PM
Good ol Savage Love..
 https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/01/30/25763823/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-time-management-for-a-poly-newb/comments
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on January 31, 2018, 12:43:16 PM
Good ol Savage Love..
 https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/01/30/25763823/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-time-management-for-a-poly-newb/comments

That's a "neat" move, get caught cheating, then convince your wife that you're really poly, then spend more time with your girlfriend.  I'm not sure how he can even say he loves his wife.  It sounds like he loves having someone to split the chores with.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on January 31, 2018, 02:09:11 PM
Good ol Savage Love..
 https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/01/30/25763823/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-time-management-for-a-poly-newb/comments

That's a "neat" move, get caught cheating, then convince your wife that you're really poly, then spend more time with your girlfriend.  I'm not sure how he can even say he loves his wife.  It sounds like he loves having someone to split the chores with.

Oof. This letter hit too close to home. After my husband broke up with me, he offered us continue to live together, have sex together, and share chores together, but that otherwise he had no limitations on him. Funny I didn't take him up on that offer. Ironically, there are parts of me that still love him. But I can't be with him because he doesn't have a clue what a real relationship is, which includes among many, treating your partner with respect.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on January 31, 2018, 02:32:25 PM
This isn't on the internet, but my own life. I became "friendly" again with the woman who had an affair with my husband over the last 6 months our kids are best friends so this started up with both arranging times for kids to hang out, and shuttling to school events. Ex for many reasons, including that his current girlfriend does not like it, no longer communicates with her or acknowledges her.
 
After a clearing of the air between us, was doing my best to be an adult, not have the kids friendship be affected. Only last night, with a series of texts, that she a) trying maintain contact with my ex, through me, or our kids. Also she may be slightly stalkerish. To give context, this woman was incredibly cruel to me during the affair, ran me down to my ex and also to some extent to mutual friends (called me crazy among other things), said derogatory things about my kids. Since we cleared air, she came to a talk I gave even though that wasn't her interest, has stopped by unannounced such as to give me a book and relationship advice such as cheating may be something people just do. Now compliments me outrageously for example the other day said she loves my last name so much, that other than her own name, would use it as a last name (I kept my maiden name).   

"Perhaps not but now lots of smoking" (referring to his habits)"Well, it's not like his presence would greatly benefit my kids' lives. It just ended up worse than I ever imagined. He wouldn't even say hi to the kids&me when we went to (the place he works). He's a 50 year old man! Very enmeshed with the gf- works, lives & spends all his free time with her. His current life strikes me as sad&un-balanced but perhaps just another sign of how very different we are."
"He doesn't seem happy or healthy to me. I think he puts a lot of energy into avoidance on a lot of fronts, most of them emotional. And I think (girlfriend) helps with that because she wants to be with him all the time. Good distraction. Wish he'd throw himself into helping his damaged little girl (my daughter) more than his damaged coworker gf. To me, he seems to still be in totally stereotypical male middle-life crisis mode. Even (friend) says he 'wants the old (ex husband) back but once you've gone that far douchebag, you usually don't come back'. But whatever, it's even far les my circus than yours. I need to remember that. My kids and I don't even warrant a passing pleasantry in the bar."

OK. So ending up worse than she ever imagined was NOT breaking up two marriages with children involved. That he doesn't say hi to her anymore.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Finances_With_Purpose on January 31, 2018, 08:52:16 PM
I'm not sure if someone's already posted this, but....

the entirety of /r/bestoflegaladvice

Haha... that is a lovely sub. I just clicked a couple at random - as always, the first comments are just as gold as the actual subject matter.

https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/70yv3c/guy_ran_into_our_recycling_bin_brick_we_were/

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/70nm87/germany_hamburg_got_scammed_by_prostitute_what/

Oh wow.  I clicked into it to see what all else might be there...   I want to think that it's trolling, but I've been around long enough to suspect otherwise...

Between this and AAM, I won't lack for humor anytime soon.  I look it up on my phone as my new guilty pleasure...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Laura33 on February 01, 2018, 06:11:19 AM
Good ol Savage Love..
 https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/01/30/25763823/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-time-management-for-a-poly-newb/comments

"She found out I was cheating on her; after years of struggling with monogamy, I told her it was open our marriage or divorce."

How about "don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on the way out"?  Damn.

I gotta give Savage credit for answering him as if he had asked a real question, though; don't think I could have gotten past the breathtaking obliviousness/entitlement of the opener.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Just Joe on February 01, 2018, 09:17:59 AM
Are people's libido stronger than their brain's logic or their sense of responsibility?

Saw on the news this morn that Nashville's mayor admitted to an affair with one of her staff.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on February 01, 2018, 10:06:21 AM
Are people's libido stronger than their brain's logic or their sense of responsibility?

Saw on the news this morn that Nashville's mayor admitted to an affair with one of her staff.
Isn't that why we survive as a species?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Freckles on February 01, 2018, 11:59:23 AM
Good ol Savage Love..
 https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/01/30/25763823/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-time-management-for-a-poly-newb/comments

"She found out I was cheating on her; after years of struggling with monogamy, I told her it was open our marriage or divorce."

How about "don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on the way out"?  Damn.

I gotta give Savage credit for answering him as if he had asked a real question, though; don't think I could have gotten past the breathtaking obliviousness/entitlement of the opener.

But he's a doctor, see, so he's busy. He doesn't have time for treating his wife with respect, you know how it is.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Just Joe on February 01, 2018, 12:01:58 PM
We'll survive as a species b/c people procreate. Don't have to trample a marriage, lie, or sneak around.

Will be interesting to see how the overtime the bodyguard was paid plays out.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on February 02, 2018, 01:11:21 PM
Comment on the Friday open thread today at AAM:
http://www.askamanager.org/2018/02/open-thread-february-2-3-2018.html#comment-1833575

Last I checked, something like 230 replies. Some people are really clueless.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Mississippi Mudstache on February 02, 2018, 01:23:50 PM

Are people's libido stronger than their brain's logic or their sense of responsibility?

Saw on the news this morn that Nashville's mayor admitted to an affair with one of her staff.
Isn't that why we survive as a species?
We'll survive as a species b/c people procreate. Don't have to trample a marriage, lie, or sneak around.

If my parents were logical, they would have stopped having kids before they got to me :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on February 06, 2018, 11:49:08 PM
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/dear-prudence-my-daughter-in-law-let-me-in-the-delivery-room.html

Love Mallory's response.

Quote
Frankly, I can see why they donít want you in the room, if But I was a nurse! and Iím a second-class grandmother is your response to Please hang out and read a book in the hallway while Julia is crowning.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: marty998 on February 07, 2018, 04:04:31 AM
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/dear-prudence-my-daughter-in-law-let-me-in-the-delivery-room.html

Love Mallory's response.

Quote
Frankly, I can see why they donít want you in the room, if But I was a nurse! and Iím a second-class grandmother is your response to Please hang out and read a book in the hallway while Julia is crowning.

Wonder what the MIL was like on the wedding night...

"no son!...it goes in there"

:O  :)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on February 07, 2018, 04:07:43 AM
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/dear-prudence-my-daughter-in-law-let-me-in-the-delivery-room.html

Love Mallory's response.

Quote
Frankly, I can see why they donít want you in the room, if But I was a nurse! and Iím a second-class grandmother is your response to Please hang out and read a book in the hallway while Julia is crowning.

Wonder what the MIL was like on the wedding night...

"no son!...it goes in there"

:O  :)

:D

Julia probably put a stop to that, too. Bloody Julia, she ruins everything! /s
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Kris on February 07, 2018, 06:26:13 AM
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/dear-prudence-my-daughter-in-law-let-me-in-the-delivery-room.html

Love Mallory's response.

Quote
Frankly, I can see why they donít want you in the room, if But I was a nurse! and Iím a second-class grandmother is your response to Please hang out and read a book in the hallway while Julia is crowning.

Wonder what the MIL was like on the wedding night...

"no son!...it goes in there"

:O  :)


I just happened to read that post on Dear Prudence about ten minutes ago. Holy hell, this MIL is freaking clueless.
:D

Julia probably put a stop to that, too. Bloody Julia, she ruins everything! /s
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on February 07, 2018, 07:36:11 AM
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/dear-prudence-my-daughter-in-law-let-me-in-the-delivery-room.html

Love Mallory's response.

Quote
Frankly, I can see why they donít want you in the room, if But I was a nurse! and Iím a second-class grandmother is your response to Please hang out and read a book in the hallway while Julia is crowning.

I think it's a little weird she let her own mother into the delivery room. We kicked everybody out once we got close to actual delivery, though my MIL did sort of make it difficult for me to actually get near my wife while we were just waiting ....
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on February 07, 2018, 08:14:21 AM
I love my MIL but I wouldn't even want my own mother to be there.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: calimom on February 07, 2018, 09:24:04 AM
I love my MIL but I wouldn't even want my own mother to be there.

Maybe we'll see the husband's letter in Prudence tomorrow. "How come HER mother gets to come in the delivery room and MY mother is scratching at the door!! Not fair."

I could only see the mother or another supportive person in the delivery room if the partner was not in the picture or not available in some way (deployed, ill, traveling for work, etc). One other person is plenty.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Kris on February 07, 2018, 09:28:19 AM
I love my MIL but I wouldn't even want my own mother to be there.

Maybe we'll see the husband's letter in Prudence tomorrow. "How come HER mother gets to come in the delivery room and MY mother is scratching at the door!! Not fair."

I could only see the mother or another supportive person in the delivery room if the partner was not in the picture or not available in some way (deployed, ill, traveling for work, etc). One other person is plenty.

I mean, maybe if she's young and really scared, having her mom in there makes sense if they're close.

But regardless. The pregnant woman is in charge of deciding who sees her cooch. Period.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: calimom on February 07, 2018, 11:29:29 AM
@Kris agree. When I had my kids, just having their father with me in the delivery room was plenty. The woman giving birth does get to call the shots ultimately   And I think we're all on the same page as Prudence that the MIL is nucking futz.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: ProfessionalPirate on February 08, 2018, 03:40:05 PM
Good ol Savage Love..
 https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/01/30/25763823/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-time-management-for-a-poly-newb/comments

That's a "neat" move, get caught cheating, then convince your wife that you're really poly, then spend more time with your girlfriend.  I'm not sure how he can even say he loves his wife.  It sounds like he loves having someone to split the chores with.

Oof. This letter hit too close to home. After my husband broke up with me, he offered us continue to live together, have sex together, and share chores together, but that otherwise he had no limitations on him. Funny I didn't take him up on that offer. Ironically, there are parts of me that still love him. But I can't be with him because he doesn't have a clue what a real relationship is, which includes among many, treating your partner with respect.

Is your husband the United Kingdom?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on February 08, 2018, 04:50:54 PM
Good ol Savage Love..
 https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/01/30/25763823/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-time-management-for-a-poly-newb/comments

That's a "neat" move, get caught cheating, then convince your wife that you're really poly, then spend more time with your girlfriend.  I'm not sure how he can even say he loves his wife.  It sounds like he loves having someone to split the chores with.

Oof. This letter hit too close to home. After my husband broke up with me, he offered us continue to live together, have sex together, and share chores together, but that otherwise he had no limitations on him. Funny I didn't take him up on that offer. Ironically, there are parts of me that still love him. But I can't be with him because he doesn't have a clue what a real relationship is, which includes among many, treating your partner with respect.

Is your husband the United Kingdom?
?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dollar Slice on February 08, 2018, 04:52:24 PM
Is your husband the United Kingdom?
?

Brexit metaphor. "We want to be legally divested from you and have the freedom do whatever we want, but we still want all the perks of the existing union."
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: merula on February 09, 2018, 05:30:41 AM
Is your husband the United Kingdom?

Niiiiiice. I lol'd.

And welcome if you're new/post more if you're a lurker.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on February 09, 2018, 10:48:31 AM
Yep. Called wanting your cake and eating it too.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: ProfessionalPirate on February 10, 2018, 02:40:04 AM
Is your husband the United Kingdom?

Niiiiiice. I lol'd.

And welcome if you're new/post more if you're a lurker.

Thanks! I've been around for a while but haven't posted much. I love this thread though.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Wexler on February 10, 2018, 09:24:19 AM
Is your husband the United Kingdom?

Niiiiiice. I lol'd.

And welcome if you're new/post more if you're a lurker.

Cosign.  Funniest response I've ever seen on this forum.
Thanks! I've been around for a while but haven't posted much. I love this thread though.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: marty998 on February 11, 2018, 01:13:13 AM
Good ol Savage Love..
 https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/01/30/25763823/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-time-management-for-a-poly-newb/comments

That's a "neat" move, get caught cheating, then convince your wife that you're really poly, then spend more time with your girlfriend.  I'm not sure how he can even say he loves his wife.  It sounds like he loves having someone to split the chores with.

Oof. This letter hit too close to home. After my husband broke up with me, he offered us continue to live together, have sex together, and share chores together, but that otherwise he had no limitations on him. Funny I didn't take him up on that offer. Ironically, there are parts of me that still love him. But I can't be with him because he doesn't have a clue what a real relationship is, which includes among many, treating your partner with respect.

I read this post a week ago, and reading it again now still has me shaking my head. He left your marriage but still wanted to be effectively married? And he seriously thought you'd say yes to that?

Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on February 12, 2018, 02:54:08 AM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on February 12, 2018, 03:06:23 AM
Thought of this thread tonight while watching Dirty Money: Payday on Netflix.

Scott Tucker is the king of "OP is the only one who doesn't see it".

Despite a record judgment from the FTC and a 16-year prison sentence for illegal payday lending, he remains convinced that he is the victim.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on February 12, 2018, 06:20:38 AM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!

: )  It's because on another forum I wanted to use gypsy as my handle, but someone already had it, so I used part-gypsy instead. I'm ok with being partygypsy too!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on February 12, 2018, 06:26:28 AM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!
OMG, me too! Mind.Blown. Sorry, "part" gypsy. This changes everything!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on February 12, 2018, 06:51:28 AM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!

OMG add me to that list too!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: With This Herring on February 12, 2018, 12:08:13 PM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!
OMG, me too! Mind.Blown. Sorry, "part" gypsy. This changes everything!

I've always read it as "party gypsy" as well!  Oh that is great!  If you ever want to change your handle, go for PartyGypsy!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on February 12, 2018, 01:56:04 PM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!
OMG, me too! Mind.Blown. Sorry, "part" gypsy. This changes everything!

I've always read it as "party gypsy" as well!  Oh that is great!  If you ever want to change your handle, go for PartyGypsy!

I feel like my life has been a lie.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Apples on February 12, 2018, 02:17:19 PM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!
OMG, me too! Mind.Blown. Sorry, "part" gypsy. This changes everything!

I've always read it as "party gypsy" as well!  Oh that is great!  If you ever want to change your handle, go for PartyGypsy!

I feel like my life has been a lie.

Agreed.  I can't even trust my own eyes.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Rural on February 12, 2018, 05:59:57 PM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!
OMG, me too! Mind.Blown. Sorry, "part" gypsy. This changes everything!

I've always read it as "party gypsy" as well!  Oh that is great!  If you ever want to change your handle, go for PartyGypsy!

I feel like my life has been a lie.

Agreed.  I can't even trust my own eyes.


So, what you're all saying is that, in this case, the OP is virtually the only one who did see it. :P
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on February 13, 2018, 08:03:58 AM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!
OMG, me too! Mind.Blown. Sorry, "part" gypsy. This changes everything!

I've always read it as "party gypsy" as well!  Oh that is great!  If you ever want to change your handle, go for PartyGypsy!

I feel like my life has been a lie.

Agreed.  I can't even trust my own eyes.


So, what you're all saying is that, in this case, the OP is virtually the only one who did see it. :P

That's it. Thread over. We're done. We've won! Or lost. I can't really tell.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on February 13, 2018, 08:38:09 AM
Mind. Blown. Glad you've moved on @partgypsy

It wasn't till @marty998 and I were talking about this that I realised (well, he pointed out) that you are @partgypsy. You'll always be partygypsy to me!
OMG, me too! Mind.Blown. Sorry, "part" gypsy. This changes everything!

I've always read it as "party gypsy" as well!  Oh that is great!  If you ever want to change your handle, go for PartyGypsy!

I feel like my life has been a lie.

Agreed.  I can't even trust my own eyes.


So, what you're all saying is that, in this case, the OP is virtually the only one who did see it. :P

lol. And by the way I'M Keyser Soze
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MissNancyPryor on March 01, 2018, 03:54:33 PM
PTF, fo sho
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Kris on March 01, 2018, 03:57:02 PM
This thread got so great so fast, I'm sort of dizzy.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: rockeTree on March 13, 2018, 08:59:35 AM
Dear Prudence today...  https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/dear-prudence-help-im-about-to-quit-my-dream-job.html (https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/dear-prudence-help-im-about-to-quit-my-dream-job.html)

Second writer just wants to be able to throw away his higher salary on his expensive hobbies and get his wife to pay for his other priorities (his folks) because she has cheap hobbies and saves much of her smaller salary. Bonus: he mocks her when she helps out her family out of her salary.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on March 13, 2018, 09:09:54 AM
Dear Prudence today...  https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/dear-prudence-help-im-about-to-quit-my-dream-job.html (https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/dear-prudence-help-im-about-to-quit-my-dream-job.html)

Second writer just wants to be able to throw away his higher salary on his expensive hobbies and get his wife to pay for his other priorities (his folks) because she has cheap hobbies and saves much of her smaller salary. Bonus: he mocks her when she helps out her family out of her salary.

I dunno, he seemed somewhat aware that he was going to look stupid, but felt it was worth the cost. Whether or not he's willing to cut back on his own crap to make up for it ....

Edit: the last question in that post totally gutted me
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoraLenderbee on March 13, 2018, 05:44:16 PM
Dear Prudence today...  https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/dear-prudence-help-im-about-to-quit-my-dream-job.html (https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/dear-prudence-help-im-about-to-quit-my-dream-job.html)

Second writer just wants to be able to throw away his higher salary on his expensive hobbies and get his wife to pay for his other priorities (his folks) because she has cheap hobbies and saves much of her smaller salary. Bonus: he mocks her when she helps out her family out of her salary.

If I were the wife, I'd tell him to sell some of his toys if he wants to help his parents. And I'd wonder why he thinks it's OK to demand my money for his parents, and why he thinks they have a say in our marital finances.  Just because you ate all your candy at once and I saved some of mine does not make me obligated to give you any.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: thd7t on March 14, 2018, 10:37:04 AM
Dear Prudence today...  https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/dear-prudence-help-im-about-to-quit-my-dream-job.html (https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/dear-prudence-help-im-about-to-quit-my-dream-job.html)

Second writer just wants to be able to throw away his higher salary on his expensive hobbies and get his wife to pay for his other priorities (his folks) because she has cheap hobbies and saves much of her smaller salary. Bonus: he mocks her when she helps out her family out of her salary.

If I were the wife, I'd tell him to sell some of his toys if he wants to help his parents. And I'd wonder why he thinks it's OK to demand my money for his parents, and why he thinks they have a say in our marital finances.  Just because you ate all your candy at once and I saved some of mine does not make me obligated to give you any.
It's totally reasonable for him to request it!  It's just also totally reasonable for her to require an established payment plan and acceptable interest rate... she might want to do a credit check, too.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: snacky on March 14, 2018, 12:36:05 PM
It would suck to be her, in that scenario. She has to balance the ridiculousness of being asked for money after being the frugal one and the one mocked for helping her family against her (possible) desire to maintain her marriage. Tough spot to be in.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on March 15, 2018, 01:57:07 AM
I'd need that request to come with a BIG helping of "I recognise I was being an ass and I'm sorry" and "this is how I'm going to pay you back and sort out my financial shit". The OP seems to focus on losing face rather than having been an ass.

Also, your family are Facebook stalking you and demanding money? Fewer surprises that OP turned out with a blind spot being raised in that environment.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: rockeTree on March 15, 2018, 03:16:35 AM
Yeah, it’s not a crazy request on it’s face except the tone is bad and the choices they’ve made about setting up their finances could mean they already don’t really respect each other’s approach to money much.

Both my family and my husbands family have needed cash, not huge amounts, a few times and it’s more likely to come from my personal accounts than his because I fritter less away but we have a joint plan that acknowledges that and has a joint budget category for bailouts of this sort.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on March 15, 2018, 03:25:58 AM
I'd like to submit the entire r/ChoosingBeggars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/) subreddit.

A couple of highlights:

I need a free 100-mile bus trip for 20 people (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=browse&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=ChoosingBeggars)

I can't afford food but I can buy festival tickets for hundreds of dollars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/84ecd8/i_cant_afford_food_but_i_can_buy_festival_tickets/)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on March 15, 2018, 07:40:40 AM
I'd like to submit the entire r/ChoosingBeggars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/) subreddit.

A couple of highlights:

I need a free 100-mile bus trip for 20 people (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=browse&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=ChoosingBeggars)

I can't afford food but I can buy festival tickets for hundreds of dollars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/84ecd8/i_cant_afford_food_but_i_can_buy_festival_tickets/)

Ooo, sounds promising.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Lis on March 15, 2018, 08:49:23 AM
I'd like to submit the entire r/ChoosingBeggars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/) subreddit.

A couple of highlights:

I need a free 100-mile bus trip for 20 people (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=browse&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=ChoosingBeggars)

I can't afford food but I can buy festival tickets for hundreds of dollars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/84ecd8/i_cant_afford_food_but_i_can_buy_festival_tickets/)

Ooo, sounds promising.

The nerve of that lady in the first post! I mean, she actually had some people volunteer and offer help, and all she could say was NEXT!!!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on March 15, 2018, 10:10:44 AM
I'd like to submit the entire r/ChoosingBeggars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/) subreddit.

A couple of highlights:

I need a free 100-mile bus trip for 20 people (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=browse&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=ChoosingBeggars)

I can't afford food but I can buy festival tickets for hundreds of dollars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/84ecd8/i_cant_afford_food_but_i_can_buy_festival_tickets/)

Ooo, sounds promising.

The nerve of that lady in the first post! I mean, she actually had some people volunteer and offer help, and all she could say was NEXT!!!
I was pretty amazed she could say "Next!" expecting to get a better offer. 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MonkeyJenga on March 15, 2018, 10:21:01 AM
I'd like to submit the entire r/ChoosingBeggars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/) subreddit.

A couple of highlights:

I need a free 100-mile bus trip for 20 people (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=browse&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=ChoosingBeggars)

I can't afford food but I can buy festival tickets for hundreds of dollars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/84ecd8/i_cant_afford_food_but_i_can_buy_festival_tickets/)

Ooo, sounds promising.

The nerve of that lady in the first post! I mean, she actually had some people volunteer and offer help, and all she could say was NEXT!!!
I was pretty amazed she could say "Next!" expecting to get a better offer.

I'm amazed that people kept offering to help!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Kris on March 15, 2018, 10:22:18 AM
I'd like to submit the entire r/ChoosingBeggars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/) subreddit.

A couple of highlights:

I need a free 100-mile bus trip for 20 people (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=browse&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=ChoosingBeggars)

I can't afford food but I can buy festival tickets for hundreds of dollars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/84ecd8/i_cant_afford_food_but_i_can_buy_festival_tickets/)

Ooo, sounds promising.

The nerve of that lady in the first post! I mean, she actually had some people volunteer and offer help, and all she could say was NEXT!!!
I was pretty amazed she could say "Next!" expecting to get a better offer.

I'm amazed that people kept offering to help!

Right? I would have been SOOOO tempted to offer EXACTLY what she needed and then not show up.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: calimom on March 15, 2018, 02:19:50 PM
I'd like to submit the entire r/ChoosingBeggars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/) subreddit.

A couple of highlights:

I need a free 100-mile bus trip for 20 people (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=browse&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=ChoosingBeggars)

I can't afford food but I can buy festival tickets for hundreds of dollars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/84ecd8/i_cant_afford_food_but_i_can_buy_festival_tickets/)

Ooo, sounds promising.

The nerve of that lady in the first post! I mean, she actually had some people volunteer and offer help, and all she could say was NEXT!!!
I was pretty amazed she could say "Next!" expecting to get a better offer.

I'm amazed that people kept offering to help!

Right? I would have been SOOOO tempted to offer EXACTLY what she needed and then not show up.


I just saw a few of the Reddit comments and they were hilarious: "if she's so devout, why not just let Jesus take the wheel?" NEXT!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on March 15, 2018, 02:42:14 PM
I'd like to submit the entire r/ChoosingBeggars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/) subreddit.

A couple of highlights:

I need a free 100-mile bus trip for 20 people (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=browse&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=ChoosingBeggars)

I can't afford food but I can buy festival tickets for hundreds of dollars (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/84ecd8/i_cant_afford_food_but_i_can_buy_festival_tickets/)

Ooo, sounds promising.
I read a few others, many of the comments reference the "Next!"
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Freckles on March 16, 2018, 10:16:46 PM
It's for church, honey. Don't need the attitude. NEXT!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on March 18, 2018, 01:49:31 AM
2. Repeated assertions about her own awesomeness

Oh, + fucking 1.

I've read journals on here with fewer personal pronouns.

Yes, I'm 40 and I have been in perfect shape and health my entire life - in the gym all the time, eating only healthy stuff, always watching my lifestyle. So, I look and feel 30 - inside and out and better than many 25-year olds. I get a lot of dates but I'm picky because I worked hard for everything in my life. Could I just have any man that comes into my life, actually YES - I have many of those options but for what? -Just to have a mediocre sperm donor that's lukewarm about how he feels about me, isn't super healthy, mediocre looks and finances, and also looking for a second mother - NO THANKS! I have friends that have those kinds of men in their life - no thanks!  This may sound selfish, yet again but here it is: - I look great and I will say life is easier as a beautiful person. I want a gorgeous child and I get to choose that. With money, I can do enough on my own without a deadbeat man-child around. I don't have the time and energy to raise a 40+ year old man that never wants to grow up. ... anyway... thank you for your input. The experience on this forum has been quite eye-opening and terrifying as to how evil some people can be.

And I am the most caring, kind person I know (I know it may not look that way from these posts but I am), so many of my local and out-of-state friends offered to help and that's so heartwarming.

As I said, I am an immigrant who started at negative in a brand new country and English isn't my native language, but I do speak 3 other ones - two of them fluently...

Of course I will survive - I'm the strongest person I know, I am a fighter and I have full confidence in my health and ability to get a well=paying job and hold it down.

If she is so convinced of her own awesomeness at absolutely everything, why is she on here asking for our permission, then casting aspersions when she doesn't get it?

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: grantmeaname on March 18, 2018, 02:18:29 AM
Holy shit, it’s terrifying that you can successfully survive four decades with that little self-awareness!

*grabs popcorn*
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: gaja on March 18, 2018, 07:18:33 AM
I understand the sentiment, and as a mother of two handicapped kids (with no genetic cause), I could pile onto the discussion about preparredness. But since Eva_Eva has a thread on this forum where this discussion could be taken in the open, and where she could be allowed to defend herself, I don't thing it is OK to have another discussion in a different thread. Especially when it is more mocking than discussion.

Please keep things sivil.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MissNancyPryor on March 18, 2018, 08:26:16 AM
Since you mentioned it, something that occurred to me reading that other thread is that the likelihood of having a Downs Syndrome baby is much higher above a certain age.  From the tone of the OP this is largely going to be an unacceptable turn of events since there is often a real guilt-factor and personalization for the parent where that occurs; they blame themselves even if that is not warranted.  The Downs baby will require enormous effort and special lifelong care.  I don't think the poster is considering anything less than perfection.  This comment is not worth posting on Eva's thread, I can hear the tomatoes being hurled at my head already in her replies so I won't bother. 

She is really not seeking an understanding of all the nuances that go into this decision from a broad and varied audience in order to come to a sound conclusion.  She should just post her dream on facebook and collect the likes.   

Since this thread is entirely about other threads it is logical that those threads are discussed here.  That it is our own forum makes it a little stickier, but nonetheless that is the fact.     
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: fredbear on March 18, 2018, 09:11:24 AM

Yes, I'm 40 and I have been in perfect shape and health my entire life - in the gym all the time, eating only healthy stuff, always watching my lifestyle. So, I look and feel 30 - inside and out and better than many 25-year olds. I get a lot of dates but I'm picky because I worked hard for everything in my life. Could I just have any man that comes into my life, actually YES - I have many of those options but for what? -Just to have a mediocre sperm donor that's lukewarm about how he feels about me, isn't super healthy, mediocre looks and finances, and also looking for a second mother - NO THANKS! I have friends that have those kinds of men in their life - no thanks!  This may sound selfish, yet again but here it is: - I look great and I will say life is easier as a beautiful person. I want a gorgeous child and I get to choose that. With money, I can do enough on my own without a deadbeat man-child around. I don't have the time and energy to raise a 40+ year old man that never wants to grow up. ... anyway... thank you for your input. The experience on this forum has been quite eye-opening and terrifying as to how evil some people can be.

Pity she can't fissiparate.  The world would be so much better off. 

As it is, the genetics of looks is not all that assured; we all know fabulously sensational movie-star couples that somehow fail to produce offspring that are 11 on the Celestial Beauty Scale.  "I want a gorgeous child and I get to choose that"?  How is this not monstrous hubris?  How will a small child who (of necessity, given this mother) has sub-maternal-quality genes be treated by a mother whose perfection is publicly announced?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Freckles on March 18, 2018, 01:29:02 PM
I think she was mostly misunderstood, and that English isn't her first language.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on March 18, 2018, 01:50:46 PM
I think she was mostly misunderstood, and that English isn't her first language.

I don't think she was misunderstood.  She keeps calling the people who provide any caution for financial planning "evil."  And she says, "I have zero concerns right now and I will financially prepare to deal with problems when they arise, not before."  So then why is she on this forum asking for input if she has no concerns and doesn't want to plan for any potential problems?  I agree with englishteacheralex and mustachepungoeshere.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on March 18, 2018, 02:06:09 PM
I think she was mostly misunderstood, and that English isn't her first language.

I don't think she was misunderstood.  She keeps calling the people who provide any caution for financial planning "evil."  And she says, "I have zero concerns right now and I will financially prepare to deal with problems when they arise, not before."  So then why is she on this forum asking for input if she has no concerns and doesn't want to plan for any potential problems?  I agree with englishteacheralex and mustachepungoeshere.
Wow! I'm so glad I found this. The mother-to-be in question made what I thought was an unnecessarily snarky comment. When I called her out, whoa, did I get a load of [mostly irrelevant] shit dumped on my head! I gave myself a 24 hour time out before responding, but I'm still fuming. Thanks to this thread for providing a much-needed pressure relief valve. Whew! I needed that!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: HappierAtHome on March 18, 2018, 03:40:27 PM
I understand the sentiment, and as a mother of two handicapped kids (with no genetic cause), I could pile onto the discussion about preparredness. But since Eva_Eva has a thread on this forum where this discussion could be taken in the open, and where she could be allowed to defend herself, I don't thing it is OK to have another discussion in a different thread. Especially when it is more mocking than discussion.

Please keep things sivil.

This.

I think mocking a member here "behind their back" violates forum rule #1, Don't Be A Jerk.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: englishteacheralex on March 18, 2018, 03:46:16 PM
I'm feeling guilty. Gonna delete my snarky post.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sailor Sam on March 18, 2018, 05:37:16 PM
Okay. I have also deleted my post.

But, honest question, why is the Anti-Mustiachian Wall of Shame & Comedy allowed? It's okay to mock people on the internet, so long as they aren't members here?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Kris on March 18, 2018, 05:40:39 PM
It's funny. Whenever I see this thread, I immediately think of a bunch of posts on the MMM forum that I would class as "OP doesn't get it." And I always laughed at the thought that someday, someone would link one to this thread.

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sailor Sam on March 18, 2018, 05:44:26 PM
It's funny. Whenever I see this thread, I immediately think of a bunch of posts on the MMM forum that I would class as "OP doesn't get it." And I always laughed at the thought that someday, someone would link one to this thread.

I kinda thought that's what the thread was originally for, but later branched out to the larger world. Guess I should have read the whole thing. Well, whoops ;)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: HappierAtHome on March 18, 2018, 05:54:25 PM
Okay. I have also deleted my post.

But, honest question, why is the Anti-Mustiachian Wall of Shame & Comedy allowed? It's okay to mock people on the internet, so long as they aren't members here?

I'm sure the line between the two varies for everyone, but for me, if you're mocking someone where they are reasonably likely to read what you've written, that's over the line of nasty behaviour. Whereas writing "my coworker thinks I should buy a bigger car for my dogs, LOL" in Overheard at Work isn't likely to be read by said coworker.

I would also posit that there is a big difference between someone writing "my coworkers are so spendy! they all buy lunch every day and drive SUVs!" versus "let's all mock this woman because she thinks she's attractive". One feels more... shitty... than the other to me.

But these are my personal opinions, others may feel differently.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on March 19, 2018, 01:21:01 AM
I understand the sentiment, and as a mother of two handicapped kids (with no genetic cause), I could pile onto the discussion about preparredness. But since Eva_Eva has a thread on this forum where this discussion could be taken in the open, and where she could be allowed to defend herself, I don't thing it is OK to have another discussion in a different thread. Especially when it is more mocking than discussion.

Please keep things sivil.

This.

I think mocking a member here "behind their back" violates forum rule #1, Don't Be A Jerk.
Pretty sure I'm not mocking her, but I appreciate your point, gaja. I re-read my comment above and I'm going to let it stand. If anyone thinks otherwise, I'm willing to listen respectfully.

As to keeping things civil, the fact that many people have taken the time to write thoughtful comments in her journal that are based on real-life experience and a willingness to help, only to have them be rejected (and not politely) makes it perfectly okay to move their frustrations to this thread. it is patently obvious that she doesn't "get" the enormity of what she wants approval to do in any circumstance, let alone with her precarious finances. That's what this thread is for.

I appreciate your comments, HAH and gaja. I'm going to think about my response to E_E for another day, but I will not let it pass undefended.
Title: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: grantmeaname on March 19, 2018, 01:21:06 AM
I would also posit that there is a big difference between someone writing "my coworkers are so spendy! they all buy lunch every day and drive SUVs!" versus "let's all mock this woman because she thinks she's attractive". One feels more... shitty... than the other to me.

But these are my personal opinions, others may feel differently.

I don’t understand how one of those things is any better than the other.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: HappierAtHome on March 19, 2018, 01:24:55 AM
I would also posit that there is a big difference between someone writing "my coworkers are so spendy! they all buy lunch every day and drive SUVs!" versus "let's all mock this woman because she thinks she's attractive". One feels more... shitty... than the other to me.

But these are my personal opinions, others may feel differently.

I donít understand how one of those things is any better than the other.

If there's no difference to you, there's no difference to you. I was attempting to answer Sailor Sam's question from my point of view.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on March 19, 2018, 09:40:18 AM
I would also posit that there is a big difference between someone writing "my coworkers are so spendy! they all buy lunch every day and drive SUVs!" versus "let's all mock this woman because she thinks she's attractive". One feels more... shitty... than the other to me.

But these are my personal opinions, others may feel differently.

I donít understand how one of those things is any better than the other.
I don't know about better or worse, but this is a financial forum.  It seems more appropriate to make light of financial decisions.

Brining it back to finances, more attractive people do make more money on average.  If attractive people are more likely to have attractive children, then you're giving your children a head start financially by finding another attractive person to procreate with.

http://www.businessinsider.com/a-few-surprising-facts-about-physical-attractiveness-and-income-2011-11

This would fall under, I don't agree with how the world works here, but since I know how it works, I'm going to try to take advantage of it.  Which I think is acceptable.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on March 19, 2018, 10:11:32 AM
This would fall under, I don't agree with how the world works here, but since I know how it works, I'm going to try to take advantage of it.  Which I think is acceptable.
I think it is more than acceptable. It's learning the rules so you can use them to your advantage. Isn't that the mustachian way?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on March 19, 2018, 01:22:42 PM
The thing about beauty, there's no guarantees. I think of this when I saw Dan Quayle and his wife. they are both good looking, but their kids, are kind of goofy looking. And I've seen families where the kids are gorgeous, but the individual parents, plain (maybe just didn't age well?).   

https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/dan-quayle-with-his-family-high-res-stock-photography/576827568
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MissNancyPryor on March 19, 2018, 02:57:32 PM
The thing about beauty, there's no guarantees. I think of this when I saw Dan Quayle and his wife. they are both good looking, but their kids, are kind of goofy looking. And I've seen families where the kids are gorgeous, but the individual parents, plain (maybe just didn't age well?).   

https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/dan-quayle-with-his-family-high-res-stock-photography/576827568

I always thought that about Demi Moore and Bruce Willis.  The brood didnít quite catch all the gorgeousness. 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: RetiredAt63 on March 19, 2018, 03:36:29 PM

I always thought that about Demi Moore and Bruce Willis.  The brood didnít quite catch all the gorgeousness.

Well that pairing only had one set of gorgeous genes.  Now if she had married Richard Gere . . . .
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dicey on March 19, 2018, 06:02:48 PM

I always thought that about Demi Moore and Bruce Willis.  The brood didnít quite catch all the gorgeousness.

Well that pairing only had one set of gorgeous genes.  Now if she had married Richard Gere . . . .
Or Paul Newman...
Whoops, I got the wrong handsome guy. I meant Robert Redford, because I was thinking about the movie they made together. Indecent Proposal??

Willis has his charms, but he is not classically handsome. He's got a certain something, no mistake about it, but my money's on Butch and/or Sundance for the gene pool lottery.

OTOH, I'm not going so far as to dispute the attractiveness of anybody's real-life children. This conversation was about the unpredictability of the gene pool.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: iris lily on March 19, 2018, 09:32:30 PM
Bruce Willis is in my top 3 sexy=attractive actors in Lala Land. What is wrong with you people.

Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on March 20, 2018, 01:15:57 AM
Bruce Willis is in my top 3 sexy=attractive actors in Lala Land. What is wrong with you people.

+1, but he is hot in a very different way to Demi Moore. I can't see their respective hotnesses amplifying each other, maybe they cancel each other out like waveforms.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoraLenderbee on March 22, 2018, 11:22:23 AM
I'm glad you posted this. I really wanted to but didn't have the nerve. Totally belongs here.

2. Repeated assertions about her own awesomeness

Oh, + fucking 1.

I've read journals on here with fewer personal pronouns.

Yes, I'm 40 and I have been in perfect shape and health my entire life - in the gym all the time, eating only healthy stuff, always watching my lifestyle. So, I look and feel 30 - inside and out and better than many 25-year olds. I get a lot of dates but I'm picky because I worked hard for everything in my life. Could I just have any man that comes into my life, actually YES - I have many of those options but for what? -Just to have a mediocre sperm donor that's lukewarm about how he feels about me, isn't super healthy, mediocre looks and finances, and also looking for a second mother - NO THANKS! I have friends that have those kinds of men in their life - no thanks!  This may sound selfish, yet again but here it is: - I look great and I will say life is easier as a beautiful person. I want a gorgeous child and I get to choose that. With money, I can do enough on my own without a deadbeat man-child around. I don't have the time and energy to raise a 40+ year old man that never wants to grow up. ... anyway... thank you for your input. The experience on this forum has been quite eye-opening and terrifying as to how evil some people can be.

And I am the most caring, kind person I know (I know it may not look that way from these posts but I am), so many of my local and out-of-state friends offered to help and that's so heartwarming.

As I said, I am an immigrant who started at negative in a brand new country and English isn't my native language, but I do speak 3 other ones - two of them fluently...

Of course I will survive - I'm the strongest person I know, I am a fighter and I have full confidence in my health and ability to get a well=paying job and hold it down.

If she is so convinced of her own awesomeness at absolutely everything, why is she on here asking for our permission, then casting aspersions when she doesn't get it?
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: TheGrimSqueaker on March 26, 2018, 03:59:11 PM

As it is, the genetics of looks is not all that assured; we all know fabulously sensational movie-star couples that somehow fail to produce offspring that are 11 on the Celestial Beauty Scale.

It's because they won't do nose jobs, tummy tucks, or hair transplants on an infant. Reconstructive surgery yes, but not the movie star kind.

If you look at all the leading actresses you'll notice that there are just one or two noses. It's terrifying, like they all share the same sinuses or something.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: partgypsy on March 26, 2018, 04:05:32 PM
Yeah. I've joked before I could work as an actor in great Britain, but not the usa (my nose is too big).
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on March 27, 2018, 01:42:48 PM
Captain Awkward:  LW is chasing after a friendship he lost 14 years ago and still thinks he's entitled to a "valid explanation."

https://captainawkward.com/2018/03/26/1092-my-best-friend-dumped-me-years-ago-and-it-still-hurts/
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: BrakeForTurtles on March 27, 2018, 02:02:07 PM
This thread is full of gems, I have chortled many times at the entries here. Sadly I have nothing to offer yet, but I will keep my eyes peeled for good 'uns.

tl;dr: PTF.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on March 28, 2018, 07:06:39 AM
Captain Awkward:  LW is chasing after a friendship he lost 14 years ago and still thinks he's entitled to a "valid explanation."

https://captainawkward.com/2018/03/26/1092-my-best-friend-dumped-me-years-ago-and-it-still-hurts/

LW is being a dick, but it's also a pretty sad story.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on March 29, 2018, 02:56:16 AM
This is not your normal 'OP is the only one who doesn't see it', but I thought it would be of  interest to this crowd.

How can I stop resenting my friend who doesnít have to work?
 (http://"http://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/how-can-i-stop-resenting-my-friend-who-doesnt-have-to-work.html")
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on March 29, 2018, 06:07:32 AM
This is not your normal 'OP is the only one who doesn't see it', but I thought it would be of  interest to this crowd.

How can I stop resenting my friend who doesnít have to work?
 (http://"http://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/how-can-i-stop-resenting-my-friend-who-doesnt-have-to-work.html")

Something got messy in your link: http://askamanager.org/2018/03/how-can-i-stop-resenting-my-friend-who-doesnt-have-to-work.html
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: thd7t on March 29, 2018, 08:22:51 AM
This is not your normal 'OP is the only one who doesn't see it', but I thought it would be of  interest to this crowd.

How can I stop resenting my friend who doesnít have to work?
 (http://"http://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/how-can-i-stop-resenting-my-friend-who-doesnt-have-to-work.html")
I feel like the friend here is pretty insensitive to the writer's time.  Even if you ER (which this person hasn't), you have to accept that people need to or want to work.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: grantmeaname on March 29, 2018, 08:32:32 AM
Idk. In my mind a text message is something that you send when you want to and the recipient opens and reads when they want to. I look at text messages at lunch and when I leave, no other times, so if I got one midafternoon it wouldn't hurt my feelings at all.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on March 29, 2018, 09:05:14 AM
Idk. In my mind a text message is something that you send when you want to and the recipient opens and reads when they want to. I look at text messages at lunch and when I leave, no other times, so if I got one midafternoon it wouldn't hurt my feelings at all.

Yeah, I don't really understand the people who get all bent out of shape over sending/receiving time-sensitive text messages. If I have something urgent, I'm not going to use text. If you text me, I'm assuming it isn't urgent.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: thd7t on March 30, 2018, 06:21:21 AM
Idk. In my mind a text message is something that you send when you want to and the recipient opens and reads when they want to. I look at text messages at lunch and when I leave, no other times, so if I got one midafternoon it wouldn't hurt my feelings at all.

Yeah, I don't really understand the people who get all bent out of shape over sending/receiving time-sensitive text messages. If I have something urgent, I'm not going to use text. If you text me, I'm assuming it isn't urgent.
It may depend on people's specific work environment.  If someone has access to their phone, but doesn't use personal email at work, they may use text messages to communicate with their spouse.  Some schools also communicate with parents by text now.  Depending on the work place, text could become a critical path.

It would also be irritating to get off work and have a dozen texts from your friend who's been goofing around all day.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: grantmeaname on March 30, 2018, 07:04:40 AM
I wouldn’t find that irritating at all.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shelivesthedream on March 30, 2018, 08:34:15 AM
...or if someone has a single phone for work and personal use. I rarely get work text messages, but always assume that a phone call is either a personal emergency or work-related. Someone ringing up for a chat every day would tick me off, as would a deluge of personal text messages every day, because while I can ignore any individual call or message I can't just turn my phone off or ignore it completely.

That said, I thought Alison's advice to take a chill pill and use your words was pretty good.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: NoStacheOhio on March 30, 2018, 08:37:01 AM
It would also be irritating to get off work and have a dozen texts from your friend who's been goofing around all day.

Do not disturb on specific people FTW! And group messages. Holy shit the group messages.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: avalanchecity on April 05, 2018, 07:40:40 AM
love this thread! ptf
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: aetherie on April 09, 2018, 12:37:24 PM
http://www.askamanager.org/2018/04/im-frustrated-that-my-employee-didnt-want-the-post-baby-flexibility-i-arranged-for-her.html

TL;DR boss tries to be nice and arrange maternity leave and pumping space for employee with new baby, but doesn't ask employee what she actually wants first and then gets super judgey and offended about employee's personal choices.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Wexler on April 09, 2018, 02:06:26 PM
https://www.removeddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8825e8/threw_an_employee_a_baby_shower_now_being/

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/89wgwm/tricked_into_eating_something_i_dont_eat_at_work/

Manager insists on throwing a baby shower for a Jewish employee whose faith does not celebrate babies before their birth, wonders if she can fire her for getting upset about it.  The internet finds the employee's own reddit thread asking if she has a case for discrimination with details that include being reprimanded for covering her hair, being told that something was kosher when it wasn't, etc.

tl; dr: terrible manager, all sympathy for the employee.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Raenia on April 09, 2018, 02:19:46 PM
https://www.removeddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8825e8/threw_an_employee_a_baby_shower_now_being/

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/89wgwm/tricked_into_eating_something_i_dont_eat_at_work/

Manager insists on throwing a baby shower for a Jewish employee whose faith does not celebrate babies before their birth, wonders if she can fire her for getting upset about it.  The internet finds the employee's own reddit thread asking if she has a case for discrimination with details that include being reprimanded for covering her hair, being told that something was kosher when it wasn't, etc.

tl; dr: terrible manager, all sympathy for the employee.

Good heavens, I hope that employee got a lawyer and sued their asses off for a hostile work environment.  If that pattern of posts doesn't scream religious discrimination, I don't know what does.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dollar Slice on April 09, 2018, 02:34:56 PM
https://www.removeddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8825e8/threw_an_employee_a_baby_shower_now_being/

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/89wgwm/tricked_into_eating_something_i_dont_eat_at_work/

Manager insists on throwing a baby shower for a Jewish employee whose faith does not celebrate babies before their birth, wonders if she can fire her for getting upset about it.  The internet finds the employee's own reddit thread asking if she has a case for discrimination with details that include being reprimanded for covering her hair, being told that something was kosher when it wasn't, etc.

tl; dr: terrible manager, all sympathy for the employee.

OMFG! Sounds like someone made a pie crust with pork lard, lied about it, and fed it to an Orthodox Jew at their surprise work baby shower (which Orthodox Jews don't do as they feel it is bad luck for the baby) as some kind of nasty prank... what horrible, horrible people :-(  And you just know they think they're "God fearing Christians" who are assured a spot in heaven. Ugh. I've never wanted a reddit account until this moment, because I so want to say something nice to that poor woman.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Freckles on April 09, 2018, 03:44:31 PM
But they were just being *nice*!

I really hope she was able to sue. Poor lady, as if working full time and being pregnant isn't stressful enough!
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: G-dog on April 09, 2018, 04:54:08 PM
https://www.removeddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8825e8/threw_an_employee_a_baby_shower_now_being/

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/89wgwm/tricked_into_eating_something_i_dont_eat_at_work/

Manager insists on throwing a baby shower for a Jewish employee whose faith does not celebrate babies before their birth, wonders if she can fire her for getting upset about it.  The internet finds the employee's own reddit thread asking if she has a case for discrimination with details that include being reprimanded for covering her hair, being told that something was kosher when it wasn't, etc.

tl; dr: terrible manager, all sympathy for the employee.

OMFG! Sounds like someone made a pie crust with pork lard, lied about it, and fed it to an Orthodox Jew at their surprise work baby shower (which Orthodox Jews don't do as they feel it is bad luck for the baby) as some kind of nasty prank... what horrible, horrible people :-(  And you just know they think they're "God fearing Christians" who are assured a spot in heaven. Ugh. I've never wanted a reddit account until this moment, because I so want to say something nice to that poor woman.

Holy shit! This is so, so, bad.  I do hope the woman captured the info, gets a lawyer, and sues. That ďmanagerĒ is just lead bully in a hostile work place. 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dollar Slice on April 09, 2018, 05:17:38 PM
https://www.removeddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8825e8/threw_an_employee_a_baby_shower_now_being/

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/89wgwm/tricked_into_eating_something_i_dont_eat_at_work/

Manager insists on throwing a baby shower for a Jewish employee whose faith does not celebrate babies before their birth, wonders if she can fire her for getting upset about it.  The internet finds the employee's own reddit thread asking if she has a case for discrimination with details that include being reprimanded for covering her hair, being told that something was kosher when it wasn't, etc.

tl; dr: terrible manager, all sympathy for the employee.

OMFG! Sounds like someone made a pie crust with pork lard, lied about it, and fed it to an Orthodox Jew at their surprise work baby shower (which Orthodox Jews don't do as they feel it is bad luck for the baby) as some kind of nasty prank... what horrible, horrible people :-(  And you just know they think they're "God fearing Christians" who are assured a spot in heaven. Ugh. I've never wanted a reddit account until this moment, because I so want to say something nice to that poor woman.

Holy shit! This is so, so, bad.  I do hope the woman captured the info, gets a lawyer, and sues. That ďmanagerĒ is just lead bully in a hostile work place.

I actually decided to send the link to the Anti-Defamation League in case they could help her with legal advice/a friendly lawyer. No one should have to deal with that kind of thing ever, let alone when they are extremely pregnant and have way better things to do with their time and energy.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: MrMoogle on April 10, 2018, 12:14:01 PM
https://www.removeddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8825e8/threw_an_employee_a_baby_shower_now_being/

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/89wgwm/tricked_into_eating_something_i_dont_eat_at_work/

Manager insists on throwing a baby shower for a Jewish employee whose faith does not celebrate babies before their birth, wonders if she can fire her for getting upset about it.  The internet finds the employee's own reddit thread asking if she has a case for discrimination with details that include being reprimanded for covering her hair, being told that something was kosher when it wasn't, etc.

tl; dr: terrible manager, all sympathy for the employee.

OMFG! Sounds like someone made a pie crust with pork lard, lied about it, and fed it to an Orthodox Jew at their surprise work baby shower (which Orthodox Jews don't do as they feel it is bad luck for the baby) as some kind of nasty prank... what horrible, horrible people :-(  And you just know they think they're "God fearing Christians" who are assured a spot in heaven. Ugh. I've never wanted a reddit account until this moment, because I so want to say something nice to that poor woman.

Holy shit! This is so, so, bad.  I do hope the woman captured the info, gets a lawyer, and sues. That “manager” is just lead bully in a hostile work place.

I actually decided to send the link to the Anti-Defamation League in case they could help her with legal advice/a friendly lawyer. No one should have to deal with that kind of thing ever, let alone when they are extremely pregnant and have way better things to do with their time and energy.
There's a link in the 2nd thread that has all the comments from the first:
https://www.ceddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8825e8/threw_an_employee_a_baby_shower_now_being/

Manager never changed her tone, I'm guessing their HR found out about it and made her delete everything.  Just a reminder - nothing on the internet goes away. 
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: fluffmuffin on April 10, 2018, 01:57:29 PM
W-O-W that woman is TERRIBLE.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: squirrel on July 19, 2018, 01:11:04 PM
Spotted on MSE: someone has a "massage business" run from their home... but its not breaking tenancy agreement because they've watched Law and Order!

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5869962
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Dabnasty on July 19, 2018, 02:38:13 PM
Spotted on MSE: someone has a "massage business" run from their home... but its not breaking tenancy agreement because they've watched Law and Order!

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5869962

OP sort of comes around on this one but is pretty oblivious. After finally admitting they were in fact running a business from their rental:
Quote
Ok I suppose technically I am but again if a tree falls down in the forest and nobody hears or sees it does the tree truly fall down?

Can't even get the saying right... yes, the tree did in fact fall down.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on July 20, 2018, 09:47:12 AM
https://www.askamanager.org/2018/07/organizing-an-all-men-beach-weekend-for-coworkers-is-gossip-beneficial-at-work-and-more.html

#1. So much #1. I really hope this guy had the lightbulb go off.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: CNM on July 20, 2018, 10:35:45 AM
This thread is AMAZING.

(in other words, PTF.  *dodges flames*)
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: LeRainDrop on July 21, 2018, 01:10:32 PM
https://www.askamanager.org/2018/07/organizing-an-all-men-beach-weekend-for-coworkers-is-gossip-beneficial-at-work-and-more.html

#1. So much #1. I really hope this guy had the lightbulb go off.

Don't forget to search the comments for "Beach Poster" to hear the OP's reaction to the advice and everyone else's comments.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: RetiredAt63 on July 21, 2018, 07:40:52 PM
https://www.askamanager.org/2018/07/organizing-an-all-men-beach-weekend-for-coworkers-is-gossip-beneficial-at-work-and-more.html

#1. So much #1. I really hope this guy had the lightbulb go off.

Don't forget to search the comments for "Beach Poster" to hear the OP's reaction to the advice and everyone else's comments.

Well, that took care of my free evening.  Yipes.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Sibley on July 22, 2018, 07:02:18 PM
https://www.askamanager.org/2018/07/organizing-an-all-men-beach-weekend-for-coworkers-is-gossip-beneficial-at-work-and-more.html

#1. So much #1. I really hope this guy had the lightbulb go off.

Don't forget to search the comments for "Beach Poster" to hear the OP's reaction to the advice and everyone else's comments.

I hadn't seen that, thanks. And OMG. I really hope at some point he gets some empathy.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: talltexan on July 25, 2018, 02:17:44 PM
posting-to-follow.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: Glenstache on October 09, 2018, 10:31:26 AM
I thought this one should be added to the list:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/statistics-update/

I think this one also has the benefit of the OP finally getting it, and then attempting to make right.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: mm1970 on October 09, 2018, 10:44:08 AM
I thought this one should be added to the list:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/statistics-update/

I think this one also has the benefit of the OP finally getting it, and then attempting to make right.
Well that's 10 minutes of my life I won't get back.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: shuffler on October 09, 2018, 09:35:45 PM
I thought this one should be added to the list:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/statistics-update/

I think this one also has the benefit of the OP finally getting it, and then attempting to make right.
Well that's 10 minutes of my life I won't get back.
Spend 2 more minutes here (https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/brett-kavanaguh-yay-or-nay/msg2159413/#msg2159413).  That post was the peak of the not-seeing-it.
Not so much because of not getting the math right, but the bombast.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: talltexan on October 10, 2018, 09:30:39 AM
A few months ago, I started to awaken to the fact that most people believe things that are lunatic-level batshit crazy. Somehow, we've created a world in which we get by anyway. I drive to work (sorry), thinking about how I don't live in a reality that even approaches something that much of our society perceives to be reality.

The true art is that 40 million people aren't protesting and burning stuff. I think these fantasy beliefs are a big part of the reason.

And yet, despite all odds, I'm somehow the only person who adequately and accurately comprehends reality.
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: UK Dancer on October 17, 2018, 03:38:58 AM
I thought this one should be added to the list:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/statistics-update/

I think this one also has the benefit of the OP finally getting it, and then attempting to make right.

That epiphany though! Credit to him for actually acknowledging he was wrong and here's hoping he's more able to recognise the feedback in future...
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: talltexan on October 17, 2018, 08:33:26 AM
The thing about that thread is that OP specifically sought after an expert in Bayesian statistics, when the problem is one that undergrads in any statistics-based field study. Many frequentist statisticians would have been perfectly capable of helping OP.

And if you're too far removed from the Bayesian-frequentist war that is tearing academics apart, you're missing a ton* of drama.

*plus or minus 300 kilograms
Title: Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
Post by: dcheesi on October 17, 2018, 08:39:03 AM
A few months ago, I started to awaken to the fact that most people believe things that are lunatic-level batshit crazy. Somehow, we've created a world in which we get by anyway. I drive to work (sorry), thinking about how I don't live in a reality that even approaches something that much of our society perceives to be reality.

The true art is that 40 million people aren't protesting and burning stuff. I think these fantasy beliefs are a big part of the reason.

And yet, despite all odds, I'm somehow the only person who adequately and accurately comprehends reality.
(https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sheeple.png) (https://xkcd.com/610/)