Moment you knew they were "the one"

[trailrated]

 This is for married/engaged mustachians. Was there a specific moment or memory where everything clicked, a moment where there was no denying that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person?

With spring on the way I want a thread to make people all warm and toasty inside.

[caliq]

Well a bunch of people have viewed this and no one's replied, so I'll start ;D

It's a combination of lots of little moments, to be honest, but the one that sticks out the most:

The first time he came to the barn with me, he came right in the stall and started brushing my horse the proper way, helping me tack up.  I knew he was raised around horses but that was the first time I'd seen him interact with one -- my friends and I stopped and stared in the aisle (yeah, guys that know their way around a barn are that rare in my neck of the woods...). 

Also he eats raw potatoes like I do (everyone else always thinks this is the weirdest thing), and that first kiss (we were close friends for a long time before getting together).

[mxt0133]

For me it was when I first moved out and got really sick.  We had been dating on and off for 10 years.  She had wanted to get married for a few years prior but I was just not mature enough or mentally ready for marriage.  We weren't even together at the time and when she found out I was sick she came over and stayed with me for two days until I got better.  That pretty much did it for me.  Loyalty is probably the most important thing to me and for some reason I didn't see it for the past 10 years we were on and off, but that instance of loyalty was what did it for me.  I knew we could work out everything else from there.  Our marriage hasn't always been easy but I always come back to that moment when things get tough.  I know that she's not going anywhere and neither am I so we better work it out and get through it.

[Flyingkea]

Not sure about any particular moments, but things my boyfriend has done to be with me: gave up smoking, cold turkey.
Gave up drinking while I was pregnant.
Was there for every appointment during my pregnancy.
Is currently fixing my laptop.

[mrsggrowsveg]

I think I knew it at our first date.  We just started talking and both realized that the other person had every quality that we had ever hoped for.  Our conversation was (and still is) so great that we completely lost track of time and the manager had to ask us to leave because of closing. 

[MandalayVA]

On Mr. Mandalay's and my first date we went to see Titanic.  When the scene came where the ship was vertical and people were clinging to the propeller as it went down both of us yelled OH THAT'S BULLSHIT! at the same time.  I thought "I like this guy."  We were married seven months later and will celebrate our seventeenth anniversary in August.

[Mesmoiselle]

If I had to pick a single moment, it was when he said that my socially inappropriate bluntness was something he loved, because he doesn't want to be with someone he has to "guess at what she's thinking." Since I valued my own bluntness, but had been told for years that no one wanted my brand of honesty, it was freeing.

Also, he didn't drive or own a car but neither did he expect me to be his taxi. He walked miles every day for a job search for weeks.

He also said he didnt mind being a vegetarian. 

Also, he loves physical affection. 😄

Together 4 years, married 20 months.

[ender]

I'm an INTJ.

She's logical, shares my faith, intelligent, beautiful, one of the relatively short list of people I've met in my life who "keep up" with me in conversation, responsible, very similar family backgrounds (helps long term stability), similar interests to me, similar love languages, deeply caring, lots of deep conversations... we talked about our life goals and who we want to be on our first dates when still relatively strangers.

There wasn't a "moment" per se but for an INTJ that's pretty much a rock solid list of character as far as relationships go.

[WranglerBowman]

The turning point for me was when we had been dating for about 8 months and were fighting over something stupid and she yelled at me "SHUT UP BEFORE I F%$K YOUR MOUTH!!!", I couldnt' stop laughing and knew at that point I had to marry this girl...but we broke up a year and half later...and then got back together...and then married...and now we ride a marriage rollercoaster.

[trailrated]

I'm an INTJ.

She's logical, shares my faith, intelligent, beautiful, one of the relatively short list of people I've met in my life who "keep up" with me in conversation, responsible, very similar family backgrounds (helps long term stability), similar interests to me, similar love languages, deeply caring, lots of deep conversations... we talked about our life goals and who we want to be on our first dates when still relatively strangers.

There wasn't a "moment" per se but for an INTJ that's pretty much a rock solid list of character as far as relationships go.

Pardon the ignorance, but what does INTJ stand for? Thanks for sharing, sounds like quite the catch!

[Flyingkea]

Trailrated - its from the myers briggs personality test.
I - intoverted, needs solitary time
N - intuitive, likes to focus on big picture
T - thinking, values logic over emotion
J - judging, likes to have plans and rules in place.

The other traits are
E - extroverted - prefers to be around others
S - sensate, likes details, tends to be practical
F - feeling, decision based on values, effects on others. Empathetic
P - perceiving, spontaneous, likes to keep options open.

There are 16 combinations so you could have INTJ, ESFP, ENFJ, ISTP for example.

[deborah]

There never was a moment. We were not going to last long (neither of us thought we were made for a long term relationship). We were still together after 8 years - but it still wasn't going to last long (we still thought that). After 35 years we finally decided that it probably would last.

[1967mama]

Three weeks after we started dating, I knew he was "the one." We have been happily married for almost 26 years now!

[lifejoy]

The first date.

When he held my purse and wasn't emasculated.
When he yelled out "Chaz! Trey!" into the night as a part of a joke we had kind of made up (totally not worried about being embarrassed).
When he made me laugh and bought me dinner - a mustachian meal, too! Cheapo shawarma (sp?).

His confidence, his unassuming nature, and the fact that he didn't need pretense or games to ask me out again. Ahhhh love. All the other pieces fell into place as I got to know him. I knew he was "the one" when our values lined up and the sex was good ;)

[lifejoy]

People always mention "ups and downs" in marriages and we just don't have them. Our lives have ups and downs but our marriage is always up. We've never had a fight, we do almost everything together since we have the same hobbies, and we agree about everything important and easily compromise when it's not

At our wedding we played "the shoe game" where you sit back to back and get asked questions. In one hand you hold your shoe, and in the other hand you hold his shoe. You raise the appropriate shoe to display who is messier, or who is the better cook, the better driver, etc. When we were asked, "Who is the first person to make up after a fight?" We both felt so confused... because we haven't had a fight! We have had discussions, intense discussions, but I would not describe them as fights. Definitely a nice thing :)

[galliver]

When my mom referred to his family as my "future in-laws". I gave her a look because it was somewhat presumptuous. But I really had no counterargument. And my mom is pretty perceptive, especially as far as her kids are concerned!

Cinched it when he moved x-country with me. With <4 mos notice.

[Gray Matter]

DH told me the night we met that he wanted me to be the mother of his children.  Before we even dated, he said he knew if we started "this thing," it was going to end in marriage.

For me, it was probably six weeks into our hanging out (we hadn't even kissed yet) and we were at a wedding.  I knew then that I didn't want to live without him, which I supposed meant I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

[AJ]

I knew before we ever got together I wanted to marry DH. Not sure I know exactly why, but he is a very compassionate person and was always willing to help people in need. Plus he treated all his family with love and respect (how someone treats their family is how they will treat you once you're family).

We started talking marriage after dating 2 weeks, got engaged on our 2 month anniversary, and had our wedding 3 months later. I was 20, he was 23. We celebrated our 11 year wedding anniversary last January. If I had it all to do over again, I would marry him even faster :)

[LadyStache]

Aaw, I like this thread!

In the beginning, I didn't think I was ready to settle down yet, so I too kept thinking "this isn't going to last long." But there were a lot of small moments that happened that made me think instead that I would never find anyone else as caring and wonderful. The biggest of the small moments, though, was when he took care of me when I was sick - made me soup, drove me to the doctor, etc. And he's not afraid to hold my purse for me either. :)

[forummm]

I don't think it was any particular moment. I don't recall the first time it hit me. But it only took about a month or so. It was just so obvious. :)

[swick]

For me it didn't really fully  click until our wedding day. I have known hubs since we were in the 1st grade. I'm a classic INFJ when it comes to relationships and think that there are quite a few people who could be "the one" so it is less about finding the one fated for me and finding the one I consciously and fully choose - therefore there was always a possibility that he wouldn't be until I made that decision to get married. I mean, our relationship would have never gotten as far as it has if I wasn't pretty sure, I guess I always had some doubts (mostly in my own ability to choose someone who was actually good for me) or that he would wake up and realize I wasn't his "one" but hearing the vows he wrote for our wedding, really was "the" moment.

I love you.

I love that you make me smile, that you laugh no matter how silly I am.

I love how you keep me grounded in reality while encouraging me to experiment and explore.

I love how happy you are to see me when I come home from work.

I love how much we can both appreciate good cooking, good friends, good games, and good times.

I love how in-sync we seem to be.

But most of all, I love you and living life with you.

I will always provide the best council I can, even if it means your bezerking amazons will conquer my poor defenseless ratmen. I will be your safe harbor when the Song of Storms plays outside and your P-Wing when you want to fly. I will be your responsible grown-up without ever losing the whimsy and goofiness that makes you laugh.

No matter what you need, I will help you when you ask and hopefully before.

No matter what the future folds, no matter how the die rolls come up, I will be yours. Even if we only have Kraft Dinner in the pantry, it would still taste like a gourmet meal because I made it with you.

Whether it’s prep or simply washing dishes, you have my help and love forever. I want to spend the rest of my life cooking with you, adding recipes to the cookbook of life that we will share together.

I love you and can’t wait to explore and share new ingredients, new challenges, new adventures, and everything else with you. Thank you for marrying me!

I asked him when he knew I was his one, and he said it was before we even started dating. He wasn't feeling well and had a headache and just wanted to hibernate at home and although he didn't want to see or interact with anyone, it struck him like a ton of bricks that he wanted me there with him. I ended up going over and brought some of his favorite things to cheer him up but let him feel the way he needed to feel. Apparently that did it for him.

[dungoofed]

When she proposed to me I just rolled with it. I guess the clincher came later when I brought up the topic of an engagement ring and she flat out turned me down because they are "a waste of money" (we spent the money on a trip to a tropical location together instead).

Still only two years in but she runs alright.

[Rural]

The minute I laid eyes on him. No joke, no doubts, just there he was. Same for him. Can't speak for him, but I didn't believe in that "love at first sight" crap and basically still don't, but I know of one outlier case at least.


I was 35 at the time, and he's a year older. There've been a lot of happy years in between.

[SwordGuy]

I fell in love with her the night we met.   We have our 32nd anniversary on Tuesday.

We married several years later after I got out of school and could move to her location.

[Dee]

I love this thread!

I especially love the variety of experiences.

[Genevieve]

I knew we were an intellectual match the first night we stayed up all night talking instead of studying -- 3rd time talking. I also knew he wanted to be more than my friend when he sat down on the couch next to me and held my hand. :) We were 18.

I knew I wanted it to be it forever when we both agreed I should go to an internship 11 hours away so I could further my career with no regrets about roads not taken. We missed each other so much that we visited each other every 3 weeks even though we were broke college students. We gave each other space to grow into the people we wanted to be, but it turns out we are better together than apart. We were 21.

Even though I knew I loved him and wanted it to be forever, I had to go to therapy to accept it. Lol!! I thought I was supposed to travel the world and sow my wild oats! I thought I was too young to love someone in a I want to grow old with you way! I was 22.

We got married at 23 and we are 26 now. Still in head over heels love.

[partgypsy]

I guess I have to say I don't necessarily believe there is "1" person for you in all the universe, but we def had something from the first time we saw each other. First time he ran into me he mistook me for my sister (twin) whom he went to school with. We ended up talking on the subway, and when he was getting off, trying to talk to me when the doors were closing. Even though I was on my way to another date, I thought regardless what happens with this date, it was a good day because I got to talk to him.  He also thought it was signficant, and told his roommates about it and wrote it in his journal. We ran into each other a couple other times, but either I was hanging out with someone or he was with someone and we would joke about it (This is my fling, who is your fling?) Then about a year later I see him at this bar playing pool. I was thinking, ah I shouldn't go up to him, he will think I am lame/desperate. I decided I didn't care and he was happy to see me. I am talking with him and walking, and I see a friend so I start walking towards the stage area to where my friend is, and the next thing I know he grabs me by my belt, pulls me to him and we dance for a number of songs. Our dates were silly, like him showing up with a 40 ouncer and driving me to his favorite underpass or train trestle, making me dinner, trying out various diners to find the one that made the best milkshake and fries.  What impressed me, was even though he didn't have much money he would use his last dollar to feed and care for his dog, was always there for his friends, had a lot of common sense (especially for a guy in his 20's) but not a lot of ego.  Not that our life or our relationship is perfect, but as he says, "no regrets". 

[tofuchampion]

I don't know if there was one moment, but the night before our first official date (we met online and had been talking for a few weeks at that point), we realized we had met once before. He had been working at Panera Bread in Minneapolis; I lived in VA but was in MN for a weekend with my current bf. He made my latte. I remembered him but of course he didn't remember me. Anyway, I figured that had to be some kind of sign. We were married ~3 months later. It'll be 4 years this June, and we had a beautiful daughter last November. No regrets. :)

[Knapptyme]

Two things:

1. When our pre-marital counselor showed us graphs of opposite tendencies/views about seemingly important life matters and concluded a few sessions later that he could not suggest we get married, I knew I had to make it work to prove that idiot wrong. (Probably not the usual course.) My future wife agreed, however, that he could not be right. That was a good sign.

2. When we realized, together, it was never about "the one." We could choose to be happy in whatever circumstances befall us.

Two cross-country moves, two dogs, two kids, and ten-plus years later, we are still thriving. If you stop looking for "the one" for you and instead become "the one" for someone else, that mindset has a habit of working best for everyone involved.

[YK-Phil]

I knew she was the one from our first encounter. I had been married -and divorced, twice before so I was very leery about starting a new relationship, but somehow I felt this mysterious woman was everything I was looking for in a soul mate. My initial impression was solidified two months after we started dating. After spending a year traveling solo in SE Asia, I had come back home and reluctantly accepted a high level executive job. On my second day on the job, after staring at the computer all day long, sitting behind my immaculate desk in my new corner office overlooking the city, and wondering what in the hell I was doing there, I called her, almost crying, and said I could not stand the job and wanted to quit immediately. I was anticipating she'd say this job was an opportunity I could not refuse and to stick to it, but her response was: "I don't care about how much you make or the job you have, I just care about your happiness". That was it, I knew I had made the right choice. for the first time in my life. Turns out she is even more mustachian than I am, another quality among many that this wonderful woman has.

[galliver]

Just a thought: "the one" doesn't have to mean "the one meant for you by fate" or anything. It can just be "the one you choose to spend a good chunk of your life with."

[pagoconcheques]

About as long as the first eye contact lasted, before we even spoke.  Got married 5 months later and going on 30 years.

[zataks]

On our second date we were on a hike.  I was explaining some of my personal attitudes towards life and how I try to live it and I could see something in her eyes and knew, "I've got her!"
Later on that hike I started talking about my favorite Thai restaurant (our first date was Thai food) and before I could spit out the name, she said, "Lotus of Siam?"  Which is in Las Vegas (we're Bay Area folks).
Was pretty hooked by the end of that date and even got to smooch her before parting ways!

Just over a year later (last July) we were on a ~60 mile backpacking trip and halfway through the second day all I could think was, "I've gotta tell this girl I'm going to marry her!"  That night we were sharing camp with a couple in their 70s/80s and the man told us, in his mind, he proposed to his wife on the way down from Vogelsang (highest of the High Sierra camps), where we were headed in 3 days. 

I didn't propose to her there but that trip sealed the deal and we were married in November 2014.  Wife is now 14 weeks pregnant with our first, too!

[Flyingkea]

I didn't propose to her there but that trip sealed the deal and we were married in November 2014.  Wife is now 14 weeks pregnant with our first, too!

Congratulations! And good luck!

[Vwjedi76]

The first time I spoke to him, seriously.  He had this twinkle in his eye, and a little smirk on his face - like he knew it too.  I'm 34, we've been married for 12 years now, together for 14. :)

[Norrie]

The first time I spoke to him, seriously.  He had this twinkle in his eye, and a little smirk on his face - like he knew it too.  I'm 34, we've been married for 12 years now, together for 14. :)

Bingo. The night that I met him I knew that I'd marry him, and I was so damn confused, because he had absolutely none of the qualities that I usually went for in a guy. It's been over 20 years since we met, and I never get tired of talking with him.

[wordnerd]

A couple of moments early on clued me in that he was something special, though I don't know that I thought "the one." The night we fell for each other, we were dancing (Halloween party) and I just remember thinking that there was a "light" and goodness in him. About a week later, we were watching football at his apartment, and there was just something in the way he looked at me that I knew that he saw something beautiful in me.

A couple weeks after that, we were living together (which I don't recommend as a standard protocol, but worked out beautifully for us), and within a couple months we were looking at engagement rings. We got engaged a year later, have been married three years this week, and are expecting our first baby this December. :)

[iris lily]

He had several important qualities (like being super MMM)  but I remember sitting across from him and looking at his shoulders. He is short but he has a big frame and I love wide chests. And I thought--ok, this could go somewhere.

Somewhere in there he had to have made me laugh, I don't really remember when, but it would have had to come fairly soon. He still makes me laugh.

One tiny thing that made him stand out was that as a graduate student, he made himself dinner every night and set the table. For one person. Meanwhile, I was eating beans out of a can in front of the tv at dinner time.

But the money thing--if he wasn't good with money, I woiuld have rejected him immediatley. That was non-negotiable.

[Erica/NWEdible]

Talking on the phone to him (pre cell phone days) we had been on maybe one date. Or none. Just talking. I don't remember. We'd been talking for hours. I ran out of cigarettes. Hung up, literally sprinted to the mini-mart 6 blocks away to buy a pack, then sprinted back so I could call him right back.

Sprinting as a smoker takes some dedication, let me tell you.

He brought my parents a cheese assortment when he first met them. My dad's diabetic, it was very thoughtful. We'd been dating a month maybe when I turned to my mom and said, "I love this guy and I'm going to marry him."

Married 14 years, together 16.

Haven't smoked in something like 14 years, either. :)

[cerebus]

The first date we went on was just to have a coffee. The next day we went to Hampstead Heath for a walk and I got utterly lost while extolling the infallibility of my inner compass. She seemed to find it amusing rather than pathetic, so I knew I was onto a winner. Nah I think we were just hooked on each other from the first moment we went out. Sometimes it feels like she is the only person I know who is really worth giving my time to.

[Insanity]

 We had an interesting dating relationship.  I didn't think she was the one.  We had some good times, but it wasn't until I got a call that my grandmom was (mis)diagnosed with pancreatic cancer,  my wife had just left to go to her parents where she lived, change, and go clubbing with her best friend.  I called her to tell her.  I didn't expect what came next.  She cancelled her plans and came over.

I knew then I could have something special.  Unfortunately, it hasn't been roses and we are still having issues, but married for 10 years and we are finally trending in the right direction.

[pachnik]

I knew then I could have something special.  Unfortunately, it hasn't been roses and we are still having issues, but married for 10 years and we are finally trending in the right direction.

Hi Insanity,
I am really happy to read that you and your wife are trending in the right direction!
And welcome back to the forum.
pachnik

[Insanity]

I knew then I could have something special.  Unfortunately, it hasn't been roses and we are still having issues, but married for 10 years and we are finally trending in the right direction.

Hi Insanity,
I am really happy to read that you and your wife are trending in the right direction!
And welcome back to the forum.
pachnik

Thank you.  :)

[aceyou]

I started dating my wife when I was 16 and she was 15. Really, I think we both knew pretty early on.  I thought she was the most beautiful, kind, warm intelligent person I'd ever met. 

That being said, I broke up with her right at the start of college (because I'm an idiot).  I felt that since it was the only real relationship either of us had ever been in, we should take time and date others to make sure. 

I went on a bunch of 1st dates, but never a second, because no matter how awesome each girl seemed when I asked them out, they never met the mark. 

She actually got into a relationship with a guy for several months.  When I realized there was no such thing as a girl better than her, I convinced her to date me again, which fortunately was not a tough sell. 

We got married at 23/24 years old and are now 31/32 with a two pretty cool little ones.  As of this year, I've spent basically half my life with her, and am terrifically lucky.