Can you give an example of when this actually worked, AND didn't lead to a break down in civility or lead to war? Anyone?
I would want to break this out further, because I think a breakdown in civility can be okay (uncomfortable, but okay) but war as horrible.
I'm not directly familiar enough with history and politics to know whether there is or is not an example on a community level. I can think of several instances in the nonfamous (local) realm. Violent (in words or action)? Yes. Effective? Yes. Resulting in breakdown or war? No.
These examples, though, were smaller scale -individual vs community, so perhaps they don't really fit. In case they do: Think of an abused child who finally holds a gun to the parent, or reaches age 14 and is able to pummel the neighbour. Why did the abuser not listen until that point? Why did the abuser suddenly care about the child's POV or experience and "get it?" Why did the abuser become committed to changing their perspective, ideas, and/or actions?
It's highly disturbing to me that some people can't or won't listen to anything short of direct threat
to themselves, but it seems to me to be the case. I wish it weren't -I wish everyone listened to words, willingly engaged in challenging discourse, pondered another's experience. What does one do when friends, police, and judges do nothing, over something that really really matters?