Author Topic: In Defense of Being Average  (Read 10233 times)

arebelspy

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In Defense of Being Average
« on: June 18, 2015, 02:08:44 PM »
Another good article from Mark Manson.

http://markmanson.net/being-average

Quote
[M]ediocrity, as a goal, sucks. But mediocrity, as a result, is OK.

Quote
The ticket to emotional health, like physical health, comes from eating your veggies — that is, through accepting the bland and mundane truths of life: a light salad of “you’re actually pretty average in the grand scheme of things” and some steamed broccoli of “the vast majority of your life will be mediocre.” This will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid eating it.

But once ingested, your body will wake up feeling more potent and more alive. After all, that constant pressure to be always be something amazing, to be the next big thing, will be lifted off your back. The stress and anxiety of feeling inadequate will dissipate. And the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish with no judgments and no lofty expectations.
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Cheddar Stacker

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2015, 02:32:50 PM »
Posting to folow and read the article later. I like the idea on the surface, I just don't like the label of average. Mundane, sure. Low expectations, yes please. No judgments, I hope so. Average.....I hope not, but if so, not the worst thing that could happen I guess.

Bearded Man

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2015, 02:41:02 PM »
I think it makes sense. You are OK as you are. That said, I don't see anything wrong with toughing it out for say, 10 years and making a lot of money, investing it, then living off some of the proceeds OR downshifting, then watching it compound to millions. As it stands now, I can retire today and watch my money compound me to a millionaire status in 7 years. Or I can do it in a lot less than that by working for now. :-)

Struggle a little bit now then coast for the rest of your life. Sounds good to me.

dycker1978

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2015, 03:02:27 PM »
Posting to folow and read the article later. I like the idea on the surface, I just don't like the label of average. Mundane, sure. Low expectations, yes please. No judgments, I hope so. Average.....I hope not, but if so, not the worst thing that could happen I guess.

That was a great piece.  Like it says, if everyone is exceptional, than that is the new ordinary.

Norrie

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2015, 03:12:00 PM »
I'm extraordinarily average in pretty much every way, but I have an exceptionally happy life. I put my energy into the things that I love, and don't feel the need to be a superstar. I'm really comfortable in my role as average/wallflower/whatever, and it would cause me stress to be anything but.

Katsplaying

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2015, 03:40:40 PM »
I was fed the same "you can be anything you want" line without the crucial addendum: if you work hard enough for long enough and actually have the correct attributes for that endeavor.

I had a typical girl's love for horses. When I was 8, I wanted to be a jockey. By age 12, I was 5'6" and knew that was never ever gonna happen. Then I wanted to get into show jumping and compete in the Olympics. Except my family didn't own horses or have piles of extra money laying around I could use for such an aspiration. Reality can bite but that doesn't mean my life means nothing.

I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. That's really awesome to be able to say at 53 because for some years now (and contrary to my expectations) the trend has been towards more happiness and contentment and that bodes very well  for the future.

Kris

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #6 on: June 18, 2015, 04:15:24 PM »
I am/was an only child, and when I was young, my father said two things to me in passing that have always stuck with me.  I think they are related.

The first one, when I was being demanding, was, "You're not that important, and you're not that smart.  Other people want things as well, and just because you want something doesn't mean anything."

The second was that I cared way too much about what other people thought of me.

Now, those two things taken out of context, might perhaps sound mean in the context of our helicopter parent, "you're a special snowflake" culture.  But they weren't mean at all, actually.  My father loved me very much, and he was a very kind man.  The thing is, he wasn't trying to make me feel bad about myself.  He was trying to cure me of vanity.

I kind of idealized my father when I was young, so his words tended to have more weight than a lot of other people's.  Now, as a middle-aged adult, I look back on these two statements/ideas, and I realize that my father ended up giving me a rather rare gift, whether he knew it or not.  He taught me to be less interested than I think most people are in acclaim -- in "success" in the sense of importance or having a legacy.  I think I may be more comfortable than a lot of people with simply living my life on my own terms.  I like doing a good job at a task, and I take pride in a job well done, but the idea of needing to be considered exceptional is not something that particularly drives me.  And I think that's part of the reason why I am completely comfortable with the idea of FIRE.  I don't anticipate that I'm going to miss being complimented for how good I am at my job.  And I don't really have a lot of feelings of regret in any way, in terms of things I haven't accomplished professionally.  There are a few things that I'm very proud of accomplishing, but those aren't things that have made a grand contribution to the world.  And I am totally good with that.  I admire people who have made a great contribution in a meaningful and positive way.  I just am not bothered that I am not one of them.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2015, 04:18:40 PM by Kris »

sheepstache

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2015, 04:52:21 PM »
I am/was an only child, and when I was young, my father said two things to me in passing that have always stuck with me.  I think they are related.

The first one, when I was being demanding, was, "You're not that important, and you're not that smart.  Other people want things as well, and just because you want something doesn't mean anything."


Fantastic! Reminds me of a line from a Douglas Adams Dirk Gently novel, "‘You’re a clever man, Cjelli, I grant you that,’ he said, ‘but you make the same
mistake a lot of clever people do of thinking everyone else is stupid.'”

GuitarStv

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2015, 05:20:44 PM »
As a rather abnormal person, average has always been my aspiration.

Albert

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2015, 11:13:34 AM »
I couldn't be average anymore even if I wanted to and I don't.

forummm

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2015, 12:17:03 PM »
Quote
[M]ediocrity, as a goal, sucks. But mediocrity, as a result, is OK.

I think mediocrity is a fine goal when applied selectively. And perhaps in a broad sense too. I think Manson's own article says this under the surface. Even a truly exceptional basketball player like Jordan is a pretty awful gambler. I've heard lots of stories about him losing many millions of dollars on a regular basis. And maybe he's a wonderful father but not that great at astrophysics. So he has parts higher on the curve and lower on the curve. Maybe they average out to being mediocre overall. And it could be a good goal to improve to just being a mediocre gambler and astropysicist.

For me, there are things that I'm truly exceptional at. And things that I suck at. I'm happy to be content with the latter as long as they are not important to me. But I also have gotten to a point where I realize that all the stuff that's required to get to the Jordan+basketball level is just not worth it to me for almost anything. I'll settle for doing a lot of things pretty well.

arebelspy

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #11 on: June 19, 2015, 12:19:54 PM »
I agree with all of that, forummm.
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
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brooklynguy

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #12 on: June 19, 2015, 12:40:10 PM »
Posting to folow and read the article later.

Me too.  But...

Quote
I like the idea on the surface, I just don't like the label of average. Mundane, sure. Low expectations, yes please. No judgments, I hope so. Average.....I hope not, but if so, not the worst thing that could happen I guess.

I feel the opposite way; unlike some other loaded labels, the term "average" encapsulates the unassailable truth underlying the wise observations quoted in the OP -- namely, that it is mathematically impossible for everyone to be better than average.

EricL

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #13 on: June 19, 2015, 12:46:37 PM »
Oprah gave away free tacos? 

Cheddar Stacker

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2015, 01:05:16 PM »
Posting to folow and read the article later.

Me too.  But...

Quote
I like the idea on the surface, I just don't like the label of average. Mundane, sure. Low expectations, yes please. No judgments, I hope so. Average.....I hope not, but if so, not the worst thing that could happen I guess.

I feel the opposite way; unlike some other loaded labels, the term "average" encapsulates the unassailable truth underlying the wise observations quoted in the OP -- namely, that it is mathematically impossible for everyone to be better than average.

Everyone is exceptional! You are a special little snowflake....

So I did circle back and read it today. I liked it, and I agree a lot with what forummm said as well. I'm pretty good at some stuff, crappy at other stuff.

I have absolutely zero ambition to "leave my mark on the world" or "be remembered/known". I want to be well above average at:

Retiring
Learning
Caring
Listening
Helping
And Dunking damnit!

Other than that....meh...average is cool.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #15 on: June 19, 2015, 01:24:31 PM »
I ended up on another article of his about "How do you measure success?" which I found to be insanely useful and actionable.

http://markmanson.net/measure-your-life

arebelspy

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #16 on: June 19, 2015, 01:39:55 PM »
I ended up on another article of his about "How do you measure success?" which I found to be insanely useful and actionable.

http://markmanson.net/measure-your-life

He's got a bunch of good ones. I've linked to some before.  I have a whole Evernote folder called "Best Mark Manson Articles" where the best ones are clipped and saved.
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about me, this Business Insider profile tells the story pretty well.
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Bracken_Joy

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #17 on: June 19, 2015, 03:07:27 PM »
I ended up on another article of his about "How do you measure success?" which I found to be insanely useful and actionable.

http://markmanson.net/measure-your-life

He's got a bunch of good ones. I've linked to some before.  I have a whole Evernote folder called "Best Mark Manson Articles" where the best ones are clipped and saved.

Well don't leave me hanging! Which are the best? =) I'd never encountered his writing before.

Faraday

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #18 on: June 19, 2015, 03:31:19 PM »
I must be less than average: I never think about Miley Cyrus.

Well, ok, I'll confess. I was relieved when she got her teeth fixed.
That crazy-out-of-place canine was just freaky looking.

And of course, my vote for the best Manson article is:
http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck

Because it's a cornerstone of mustachianism:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/10/07/how-big-is-your-circle-of-control/

« Last Edit: June 19, 2015, 04:43:17 PM by mefla »

arebelspy

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #19 on: June 19, 2015, 07:23:29 PM »
I ended up on another article of his about "How do you measure success?" which I found to be insanely useful and actionable.

http://markmanson.net/measure-your-life

He's got a bunch of good ones. I've linked to some before.  I have a whole Evernote folder called "Best Mark Manson Articles" where the best ones are clipped and saved.

Well don't leave me hanging! Which are the best? =) I'd never encountered his writing before.

These were some of my favorites:
http://markmanson.net/question/
http://markmanson.net/values
http://markmanson.net/life-purpose
http://markmanson.net/you-cant-have-it-all
http://markmanson.net/four-stages-of-life

But it might be worth going through his archives and seeing for yourself.  Mefla's for example, didn't make my list, as I like the concept, but have seen it expressed better elsewhere.  Anyways, the above links may not strike a chord with you, but if the link in the OP did, and the one you pointed out did as well, I'd bet at least a few, if not most, of those you'll enjoy.   :)
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about me, this Business Insider profile tells the story pretty well.
I (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out the Now page to see what I'm up to currently.

Faraday

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2015, 08:30:51 PM »
Thank you, arebelspy, for bringing Manson to the attention of the forums. He's got a lot of good stuff to say. A couple of his articles are things I feel like I was aware of in a limited way, but he gave me a whole lexicon for thinking about the idea and developed the idea to a more useful conclusion.

Useful. His writing is very useful.

That, I think, is the highest honor you can pay to anyone.

arebelspy

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #21 on: June 19, 2015, 09:41:28 PM »
My pleasure.  Glad you got some utility out of it.
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about me, this Business Insider profile tells the story pretty well.
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okits

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #22 on: June 19, 2015, 11:30:23 PM »
That was really good.  I agree that there's not a lot of acceptance of the reality of things, which is that most of us aren't going to be in the far right of the bell curve, and that things have a price to them (time, effort, opportunity cost.)

I was recently asked why I am not more successful (by someone who just met me and knows only a few superficial details.)  I was more amused than insulted, and the answer is that my successes aren't the kind usually printed on a business card or disclosed in casual relationships (I recognize that I do still have some vain need to feel "exceptional".)  I think the asker was envisioning a Bruce Wayne-esque existence.  But in the real world we have to prioritize what gets our limited time and energy, and in those things that don't make the cut we definitely risk being just average.

Kris - great comment.

Cressida

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #23 on: June 20, 2015, 12:45:25 AM »
I have absolutely zero ambition to "leave my mark on the world" or "be remembered/known". I want to be well above average at:

Retiring
Learning
Caring
Listening
Helping
And Dunking damnit!

Other than that....meh...average is cool.

+1 :)

Albert

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #24 on: June 20, 2015, 03:05:51 PM »
All of us are average at some things and total crap at some others (I'm bottom quarter for singing, for example), but not being good at anything is kind of sad. Maybe it's a character flaw, but I feel a need to be outstanding professionally.

Elderwood17

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #25 on: June 20, 2015, 07:26:09 PM »
Great read.  I found it very insightful and positive, really.  Our culture (media?) seems obsessed with the extremes, either good or bad, and that obsession doesn't seem to do us many favors.  Thanks for posting.

stephan

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #26 on: June 21, 2015, 11:28:22 AM »
Great read, I completely agree with him. Everybody should find its own things they want to excell in

iamlittlehedgehog

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #27 on: June 22, 2015, 01:50:32 PM »
After going from the above average then suddenly (and my own fault) dropping to the below average then finally mellowing out in average I would be happy to hear this word with pride. I'm not sure if I would be comfortable telling my nieces to shoot for "average" though, however I wouldn't want them to miscount the beauty of an average life.

PKFFW

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #28 on: June 22, 2015, 03:32:56 PM »
Good article.

For me personally I think it is important to strive to be the best you can personally be and then be satisfied with that.  That might mean you achieve the "average" or it might mean higher or lower.  For most people in almost everything they do, their best will be somewhere around average.  That is the nature of things.  However, if you have truly done the best you can then you should be very happy with yourself.

libertarian4321

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #29 on: June 22, 2015, 05:46:55 PM »
So I'm reading the article, and see Michael Jordan do an impressive slam.

Then I see this: 



I was laughing so hard I almost broke a rib.  I give that guy a 10.0 on that dunk, even if he did fall just a bit short of actually putting the ball in the hoop.

Yeah, that guy pretty much looks like me trying to dunk, except he's got a better tan.

But you know what, that dunk fail was actually more entertaining than watching Jordan dunk for the 10,000th time. 

So lets give it up for the "average" guy. :)
« Last Edit: June 22, 2015, 05:51:13 PM by libertarian4321 »

golden1

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #30 on: June 23, 2015, 09:56:25 AM »
I prefer to think of it as being a "generalist".  To be extraordinary at something, even with a lot of talent, requires a lot of time and effort - you know, the whole 10000 hours thing.  You only have a limited amount of time, and I have always preferred to dip my toe in a lot of different things rather than committing to being "excellent" at one thing.   

deborah

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #31 on: June 23, 2015, 07:31:11 PM »
You can be excellent in being human. Everyone spends 100% of their time doing that.

GuitarStv

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #32 on: June 24, 2015, 06:05:24 AM »
You can be excellent in being human. Everyone spends 100% of their time doing that.

Surprisingly few seem to excel at it though . . .

Ottawa

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Re: In Defense of Being Average
« Reply #33 on: June 24, 2015, 07:35:06 AM »
I quite enjoyed the article too, Manson is on my Feedly stream as I find a lot of his writings to be something worth thinking about. 

Regarding the present article: I think that in general the bell curve application MM conveys is YOU vs ALL HUMANS.  In reality, I believe people don't do that.  Rather, it is YOU vs [Human sub-sample-generally people close to your sphere].  In this case, you might feel special, or better than average (or not).  I think this is one of the places that entitlement comes from.  If you expand your view to include a larger population, things like sense of entitlement and ego are (or should) be reduced.


 

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