My 3rd child:
He got B's all through school, A's mixed in there now and then, and we were determined to not have him equating getting A's to his self worth. We would not add that stress.
This was back in the '90s (born in 1988) - that boy loved his Nintendo. I remember telling him, in elementary school, he had to read one book to me to earn 2 hours of Nintendo. It worked. Reading became fun because he earned something he wanted. A lot of times I would catch him reading. It was the Nintendo instructions for a new game, but still, it was reading!
We gradually realized he wasn't like THH or me, or either of his older siblings. For instance, one time I had to pick him up after school, and a bus with kids going home went by. Every single window got rolled down, a kid's hand or face was out while they yelled "Bye Ben"
He has the ability to make people feel comfortable around him, and every where he's worked, even now, people just like him! (This makes
us me believe he tends to favor his mom rather than his dad)
When he got in high school he had a special place to do his homework. I could here his chair wheels going back and forth, heard him dancing around, but he got his homework done. I talked to the doctor, thinking ADHD or something, and he said it didn't sound like he had a hyperactive problem. We decided I should continue as I was doing and keep an eye on him. He seemed to be dealing with things on his own, not hurrying not worrying. I'm sure if THH or I kept on him, it would have affected him, adding more stress.
He had a B+/A- gpa, so was not one of the best in the school, but he was reliable, did what he said he'd do, and the teachers loved him too.
I grew up in the Vietnam war years, so the military was never mentioned as an option, but Ben told me the summer before his senior year, he wanted to join the Navy. (Ok, Mom, suck it up and put on a happy face.) The Navy office had a program that the kids could come every month and get a feel for the Navy. He did all senior year, and was more determined that this is what he wanted.
He tested in to the Nuclear Propulsion (rate? that's the only wood I can think of that feels right, may be wrong) did a little research, and I even called the county nuclear power plant and the HR lady told me "You send me a guy who was in nuclear propulsion in the Navy, I'll hire him immediately" so we were convinced, if he wanted it so bad, ok! We just didn’t want him to come out with no type of education. They said he had to sign up for 6 years, which he gladly did.
He had 2 years of training in NC that was kind of like ‘college on speed.’ When we went down to ‘graduation’ he won some award, I forget the official name of it, but it sounded like something the best student would get. He did NOT have the highest grades, but once again, the ability to make people like him and having a good work ethic, was apparent in winning this award.
Forgot to add: When he went to boot camp, in Chicago, on the first day there was a big group of them, and they said they needed someone to wake a little earlier to clean the men’s restroom. He said he immediately volunteered, his thinking was, he got up early before school to rock on the rocking chair to wake up, he’d just use the cleaning time to wake up!
I suppose little things like that was the reason he won the award.
So then, he was on the USS Ronald Reagan., his first choice. He kind of sat in front of a computer mostly, and we figured, his Nintendo training is being used. When he got out of the Navy he showed us that he had been given a plaque and a photo, Sailor of the Day. I think there were like 5000 sailors, and every day one was chosen. I just thought, hm, I bet people liked him.
He got out of the Navy, despite $100,000 to be given to him when he enlisted again, (and if done in a war zone, no taxes), so we knew he wanted out. I told him as the years went by, he’d appreciate more and more the things he experienced in the Navy. And that’s coming true.
He got a job with the gas company, it included a 4 day training in Columbus, then he went door to door checking gas lines in houses. I remember him telling me a gal who was on the police force had him sit down for coffee and talked to him awhile.
It wasn’t in the best part of town, but he wore an obvious gas co shirt. He said one day there were a bunch of high school age kids, (he thought maybe they were a gang) and they told him, “Don’t worry, we won’t hurt you.” He said he even stayed and talked to them a little.
See, people like Ben!
Then, the refinery where THH works was hiring. They hired 20 people out of 3000 applicants. Every now and then people would see THH and tell him how much they liked Ben.
He had to quit because his wife got a job, had been looking for 2 years, near Boston. He figured he could get a job anywhere, but an opportunity for his wife, like this, may never come along again, so he stopped working there. I think I surprised him because we could tell he was a little anxious telling us his plans to quit, but no need to be. We understood, and wished them both well. We told him that when there was a strike, the first since before THH was hired, and the union agreed to things that affected the younger guys, it was probably best to get out of there.
Oh, forgot to add, when he put an application to the refinery, a week earlier he had applied to the nuclear power plant. They really really wanted him, I suspect because they called the Navy office that Ben had first gone to, so kept upping the ante, but in the end, he decided on the refinery. See, he had an interview at the nuclear power plant, and the guy told him that was probably one of the best interviews he’s had in a long time. I don’t know, would he just tell someone that?
Ben had to make a decision, and chose where his Dad worked. (someone had come to THH and said Ben was the best interview/tester in the entire class). Again, would people just say that? They still come into the control room and ask about Ben.
So they moved to Boston, and Ben already had a interview scheduled before he got there. He said the guy that interviewed him there was a Navy nuke dropout, so he was just in the regular electrical rate, whereas Ben was nuclear propulsion/electric . (I’m so sorry, I have forgotten the correct terms for some of this stuff in the Navy) The interview was supposed to be 2 hrs. 10 minutes they talked interview stuff and the rest of the time they talked about the Navy!
I have a box behind my computer that my other son says is a backup in case the electricity goes out. Ben says he goes around to hospitals and places that use such things, and checks them/does maintenance.
The nuclear propulsion rate of the Navy, the job at the nuclear power plant, and the job at the refinery all take someone calm under pressure, and has shown in his past work that he has the ability to learn.
None of them seemed to require someone who got all A’s, but more a good work ethic.
Is he about 11, 12? This thread might be of interest
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/mini-money-mustaches/holding-kids-accountable-over-the-summer-needing-ideas/Keep an eye on him and encourage things that he shows an interest in, even if you think it’s stupid. He’ll come away knowing Mom and Dad believed enough in him to take chances to let him explore, even if he decides it’s not for him.
When Ben was in high school, his brother had already graduated (was a good, but not best, golfer), he signed up for the golf team. Before we had to buy anything, Ben wanted to quit, and we agreed with him. He said he loved just playing golf, but being on a team, and them depending on him, was not something he wanted to do. (He was in the LEJGA too, but there, they were not on a team, it was individual) We could tell making him stay in would cause more stress.
If your son is ok with B’s, would pushing for A’s cause him stress? Just remembered, at the time I talked to Ben’s doctor about ADHD, he said we should go talk to ?? I can’t remember the name, or what kind of doctor he was, but one thing I remember him saying is that some kids just have too many ’structured’ things to do. He said, “Don’t you remember when you were little just going outside to play, or having friends over, just to play?” He said that some kids just need that. (that’s right, he was what we call a ‘head’ doctor)
We kept our kids busy, because busy kids stay away from alcohol and drugs. But we got the signal from Ben, that he needed a little more of ‘just play.’
So, that ended up kind of long, sorry. I’m going to send it though because your son is at the age where trying to find himself, in good places is important.
Best of luck