For anyone interested, tonight’s 20/20 is about the whole case and what the “next steps” will be. Might be informative.
Only a few minutes into this and I'm very sad. Gabby is apologizing and making excuses for the injuries that the officers clearly see. I can't imagine being in that situation.
I know this is a few months old, but since this post popped back up, I wanted to comment.
You need to imagine this situation. This one, and five thousand other possible negative situations. Imagine it, mentally work on taking the appropriate action 'please help, this guy is abusive, shoot him for me please….' Right now. Then do it again tomorrow. And every day. Of course you don’t need to become a paranoid freak, but you need to work on the mental memory, just like muscle memory.
Refuse to be a victim. Start right now. All of us can benefit by some meditation that includes some game planning against bad things. House catches fire. I hear someone breaking in my back door.. coworker shows up with a gun. Girlfriend smacks me. And so on.
But yeah, it is incredibly sad for a woman that young to not be able to provide enough of a sign for law enforcement to take the right action. Actually, her being young has nothing to do with the sadness, so it’s just plain sad.
I agree with some of your post, but the bolded is kinda...no. When a predator systematically removes a woman (or any person) from her support system, while simultaneously planting seeds of self-doubt and cultivating inferiority, especially someone who may already have low self-esteem, saying, "refuse to be a victim" is pretty insulting. When you have no access to money, no place to go, and you feel like shit about yourself, possibly even believing that it is you and your faults that drove that person to be abusive, there's nothing simplistic about it.
If one day, out of the blue, your partner "smacks you", it's pretty easy to "not be a victim". You call a friend and crash on their couch, or rent a hotel room while you get things sorted out. You kennel your dog so your partner can't hurt or kill it while you find a home quickly with your decent credit and solid job and income. Your children can stay with their grandparents, with whom you have a solid relationship, as you reestablish yourself, and you don't have to worry about your abusive Ex hurting them kids, keeping your from them, or even kidnapping them because you have resources to hire a lawyer and a lifestyle that easily supports you getting custody. But that's rarely how it happens. Most abusers are quite good at working their way up to it, and first removing support and escape options before the get to the "smacking" phase. So it is almost never as easy or simple as "refusing to be a victim" for the people who are actually in abusive relationships.
Yeah. Joe, with respect, you don’t know what you’re talking about.
With the same respect, yes I do.
Though I will add, my point has nothing to do with someone who is unfortunate to already be a victim. Those folks need whatever help we can figure out to provide.
My point is that there is value in thinking through possible future scenarios and possible actions. Like studying for the test if life.
ETA: I see there are some responses, but I am bowing out. I was hoping to have another level of critical thinking, but alas, same ole same ole. So it goes.
On this, it is you who are lacking in critical thinking. I was respectful in my original comment and didn't cast any stones. The cycle of abuse--and it very much is a cycle, not just your partner "smacking you out of the blue". It's pretty similar to many child abuse cases. The pastor or baseball coach doesn't just pull a kid into an office and demand sex acts. These predators are patient, cultivating relationships with both intended victim and those around them, planting seeds of doubt, working incrementally up to even the first truly inappropriate act (to the point that it is often impossible to say which was the first inappropriate act. Was it asking the kid about what girls or boys at school they think are cute? Because that's a pretty common thing, but it can also be part of sloooooowly opening the door to sexual contact).
You are imagining yourself, as you are today, and how you would--and more importantly, could--react. But that's not how it happens. Maybe you aren't someone who could ever be broken down enough to really be a victim, but most people think that and are wrong. And even if you are, that isn't because you refuse to be a victim or have imagined what you think it would be like and made some plan. But more than likely, if someone truly set their sights on you and decided that come hell or high water, they'd get to you, they could. Slowly severing relationships, interfering with your job (unless you are FIRE, I suppose) and causing you to lose it without you ever being aware--that's the sort of thing that happens in the beginning and you don't even know they are doing anything it all.
"Refuse to be a victim" is insulting because it implies that is easy, or even that it is an option, and in many cases, it isn't. Maybe the reason you get the "same ole" is because you are saying the same things and they continue to be wrong, hurtful, and harmful. Can you even comprehend that this is a possibility? If I kept saying the sky was orange, I'd get the same ol' response too. And it wouldn't be because the responders refused to think critically.
